


All to Ashes

by lyraonyx



Series: The Sunguard [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Art, Blood Drinking, Creature Fic, Eventual m/m/m (Later in series), Evil James and Sirius, Hints of Harry/OMC, Hopeful Ending, House Elves, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Manipulative Albus Dumbledore, Mating Bond, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Pre-Slash, Underage Rape/Non-con, Vampiric traits (sort of), suicidal character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-01-08 00:47:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 53
Words: 191,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21227006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyraonyx/pseuds/lyraonyx
Summary: Halfway through sixth year, Harry grows wings and learns he is a mythical being known as a Sunguard, a human phoenix who cannot be killed unless his mate dies or rejects him and whose power comes from his blood. The problem? Voldemort also has his blood, and Severus Snape, who detests him and has a perilous position in the war, is his mate.





	1. Business as Usual

**Author's Note:**

> **Warning: this fic has graphic rape scenes towards the end.** I'll put up a trigger warning on the chapter for those who can do without it. The story should still make sense if you skip the memory scenes (where the rapes occur).
> 
> So I'm almost finished with Discretion and Valor, but as I still have no working computer and no access to my existing works until I do, I started this. Which, as it's a trilogy, will keep me busy for awhile.
> 
> Fair warning, if the tags and above note didn't make it clear, this is a _much_ darker story than Discretion and Valor. There is a metric ton of angst here and not much fluff. Be ready for a rough ride, though the ending of this book is hopeful, and the later installments have plenty of sweetness to balance out the angst.
> 
> This book is pre-slash. They don't get started on a relationship until the next installment, though it's hinted that they're heading that way. And when they do, there is a third person involved (eventually). An OMC high elf, too. So... fair warning.
> 
> The Marauders, only excepting Remus, are absolutely evil here. James and Pettigrew in particular are utter bastards. You've been warned.
> 
> Rape victims in this book are treated much like my own experiences. In other words, like shit until there's someone with power to stand up for them. 
> 
> Creature lore is heavy in this series. The house elves have an important role (for once).
> 
> With that out of the way, here goes nothing!

#  _ **THE SUNGUARD** _

****☆○☆

## PART I: ALL TO ASHES

* * *

#  **Chapter 1**

##  _ Business as Usual _

Harry's sixteenth birthday had come and gone, and Dumbledore had dropped him off at the Burrow after recruiting Slughorn's services, but for the first time in Harry's memory, he wished he had stayed just one day longer at the Dursleys'. He struggled to hide the evidence of his dreams—strange, amorphous blobs of colour and desire so strong he could taste it—but Ron was already awake and aware, unfortunately.

"Some dream, eh?" Ron waggled his eyebrows. "Heard you moaning all the way to the loo!"

Harry buried his head in his hands. "Oh, gods. _ Please _tell me no one else did."

"Eh, don't get so worked up about it, mate. There are at least five blokes in this house at any given time. We've all had our share of those dreams and woke up the house by it. Least you didn't scream someone's name, like I did the last time. Worst of it was, it was _ Eloise-bloody-Midgen_! Hermione was visiting and heard it, and I thought I'd never live it down!"

Harry snickered over the memory. "Yeah, can't forget that. You blushed every time you saw Midgen for like a month at the start of last spring term. I'm positive she thought you fancied her."

"Merlin forbid, no. 'Mione is more than enough woman for me." Ron tossed him a pumpkin-orange towel from somewhere nearby. A dirty one, probably, but it would do to cover Harry's… little problem. "Anyway, don't get so het up about it, mate. Happens to all of us. Who did you dream of, though?"

Harry frowned. "That's the strange thing. I couldn't see anyone. I'm not even sure I was dreaming of a person at all. I just saw a lot of blurry shapes and colours, and knew I really wanted whatever it was for some odd reason." He scoffed. "Honestly, I think I'd prefer dreaming about Midgen to nothing at all."

Ron cocked his head. "Huh. That's odd. I usually at least get a suggestion of a girl, even if I don't always know which one."

Harry shrugged. "More of the strangeness of being me, I suppose."

"Reckon so. Long as you don't start dreaming of Aragog or something."

The shudder creeping down Harry's spine felt too much like spider legs on his flesh. "Dear _ gods_, Ron. I say colours and shapes and you pull _ Aragog _out of your hat?"

Ron snorted. "Just saying, it could be worse." He tossed a pillow at Harry. "For Merlin's sake, man, go wash up before it starts _ dripping_."

There was a lovely mental image. With a blush that could have heated all of Ottery St. Catchpole, Harry dragged the towel around his waist and made a mad dash for the loo.

* * *

The dreams kept coming. Every night, he dreamed of the strange colours and shapes and an overwhelming sense of wanting… something. Thank Merlin, the dreams didn't always turn sexual, but they mystified Harry enough to engender concern. Still, at least the colours had started to come together into a cohesive… blob. They usually featured a lot of black, though the ones that did turn sexual only had one small patch of it amongst a giant swath of pale pink and cream.

At a loss and wondering if his friend might have experienced something like this, Harry mentioned his recurring dreams to Ron a few weeks into term. 

"You never see anything but a blob of colours?"

Harry nodded. "Sometimes it's mostly a pale sandy sort of colour with some pink and black. Other times, it's half black, half white, and there's a pale blob at the top with some more black. Most of the time, though, it's almost all black but for a blob of cream and pale pink near the top."

"That's the strangest thing I've ever heard, mate. Maybe you should ask Trelawney."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "Somehow, I don't think I need divination to know how that meeting would turn out."

Ron snorted and spoke in a wavering, high-pitched tone. "Oooh, Haarry! It's all so clear. I seeee… the _ Grim_!"

Harry laughed. "See? Who needs the Sight when you've got us?"

Ron chuckled, but it faded into a wry frown. "Well, my next best suggestion is Hermione, mate."

Harry gulped. "Maybe I'll ask Trelawney after all."

* * *

By the time Harry got up the courage to ask Hermione about his dreams, he had begun to notice a roughly human form taking shape. So it was a _ someone _ he wanted and not a _ something_, but that still didn't narrow it down much. He still had no idea which girl he'd taken to fantasising about every night.

Or if it was a girl at all.

Hermione tugged Harry into a corner and cast the Prince's muffling charm the minute he mentioned the dreams—so his book was good for _ something_, apparently. 

"Let me get this straight, Harry," she hissed, temper running high, "all fall, you've been having strange dreams about something or someone you really want, that you can neither stop nor explain, _ just like last year_, and you haven't told the headmaster yet?"

Harry slumped against the wall, aghast. "You think it's…?"

"Honestly, Harry. I'm stunned that you didn't at least consider the possibility."

Harry frowned. Come to think of it, he _ should _have considered it. Sirius hadn't been dead for six weeks when the first dream started. 

Why hadn't he ever considered Voldemort as a potential source of his dreams? He rubbed his scar in dismay and wondered if being possessed in the Ministry had addled him somehow.

Wait. His scar.

Harry slumped in relief. "It's not Voldemort, 'Mione. I'm sure of that."

"How can you possibly be sure when you have no idea what or whom you desire?"

"It's definitely a whom, and I know because of my scar. It's never so much as twinged after these dreams. Dreams from Voldemort and visions and such always leave me feeling like my head's just been cracked like an egg. And Dumbledore said he thinks Riddle will back off from that method for a while anyway, since the last time he tried hurt him like hell, too."

Hermione's ire deflated like a popped balloon. "Oh. Oh, that's good then."

"Yeah." He gave her a worried look. "So you've no other ideas as to what they might be, then?"

She shrugged. "Not off the top of my head, but I'll help you research it."

"Hermione, when am I supposed to have time to research anything? I've got to get that memory from Slughorn, remember?"

She bit her lip. "All right. I'll see what I can find."

"Thanks, 'Mione. You're a lifesaver."

"Yes, I know."

* * *

Halloween came and went with no answers for Harry, but the morning after left him with new questions to ponder. He rolled into a sitting position and rubbed his aching shoulders. Merlin, should he still be hurting from Quidditch practice two days later? Maybe he had strained his back or something. 

He grimaced as he stood, feeling the sticky evidence of another amorphous dream in his pants. Well, not so amorphous anymore. He now knew the person he wanted was tall and slim and had long black hair and fair skin. Everything else remained a mystery. Still, at this rate, maybe he would have some firm answers by Christmas.

He turned to grab the spare towel he had taken to keeping under his pillow for moments like this, but froze at the sight of his bed. A few downy red and orange feathers lay scattered on the sheets. 

What in Merlin's name? Had Fawkes kept him company last night? Maybe the pillow had burst. Harry examined it, but he didn't see any evidence of a torn seam, and it looked to have cotton inside anyway.

Unable to work out an answer, Harry banished the feathers, grabbed his towel, and made his way to the loo.

* * *

The feathers appeared again a week later. This time, he hadn't practiced quidditch for three days, and despite his aches having vanished the second day, his shoulders hurt again that morning. 

Harry could think of no other explanation than possible leftover injuries from defence class, and either a prank or Fawkes visiting him in the night for the feathers. Neither option made much sense.

With a niggling sense of worry, Harry grabbed his clothing and rushed to grab a quick bite before his early morning meeting with the headmaster.

* * *

Gods, Snape was a bastard. Did he really _ need _to dig the knife in Harry's chest every free second?

Harry hid himself in Myrtle's loo after defence, staring at the broken tap which led to the Chamber of Secrets. Maybe if he grabbed the basilisk skin from there and gave it to Snape as a peace offering, the man might stop reminding him of his father's crimes every chance he got.

_ 'Your sainted father, Potter, was an inhuman monster, and you are shaping up to be just like him! Did you enjoy it, him? Seeing my young body on display for your perusal… against my will?' _

"I'm not a goddamn rapist," Harry told the sink, and winced at the plop-plop of tears dripping into the bowl. "I'm not…."

He would have to actually have _ touched _someone before that was a remote possibility. His father, though… Harry couldn't deny the man had been an utter shite to treat Snape the way he had. 

The memory of his father's last threat before Snape had hauled Harry out of the pensieve cracked across his ears like the sound of a gunshot. Was it rape to strip Snape down to his smalls? Maybe not, but if his father had carried out his threat… well, it still wasn't rape, but it crossed a line Harry didn't want to contemplate.

And the fear in Snape's face when Harry's father had said it… Merlin, but Harry had never seen anyone look so terrified.

The sink had gone shiny with his tears. Gods. His dad _ had _ been in the wrong that day, no denying that, but why did Snape have to take it out on _ Harry_? He had never done a thing to hurt Snape.

Until he broke into the man's pensieve. Maybe it did count as some kind of assault to view his memories—and his body—without consent.

Shite. Harry wasn't sure of anything other than the fact that he probably owed Snape an apology, and that Snape would hex him if he dared try to offer it.

With a sigh, Harry dragged a hand across his wet cheeks and went to splash some water on his face, but froze at the sight of his hand. It was shiny from his tears—not simply wet, but… shimmering. Like mother of pearl in the light. 

Harry gasped and jerked his head up. His face had the same shimmering, opalescent coating running down his cheeks, and, as he stared, gobsmacked, another tear wobbled and dropped.

A tear that looked just like Fawkes' tears.

"What the bloody fuck?" 

Myrtle popped over a toilet stall and scowled. "Your mouth is even dirtier than the other boy who comes here to cry."

Harry whirled around. "Another boy?"

"Yes. He cries a lot about his mum and not wanting to do his task. But…." Myrtle wiped her glasses on her uniform, cocked her head, and frowned. "Why are your tears so _ strange_?"

Harry wiped his face and hands until the strange sheen vanished. "I have no bloody idea." 

He took a deep breath to steady himself, asked Myrtle not to mention his tears, and left.

He didn't mention them to anyone either. He had no idea what was happening to him, but he wasn't ready to deal with it. Not now.

* * *

Harry woke from another wet dream with a gasp. This time the images had been much clearer. He still didn't have a firm identity, but the person's gender was no longer in doubt.

Apparently, the person he wanted was a _ man_.

Shite. Did that mean Harry was gay? 

He bolted up, cringed at the small pile of down and fluff under his sore shoulders, banished the mess, and raced to the loo. The sun hadn't come up yet, so Harry leaned on the sink counter, staring at his wide-eyed reflection and struggling to come to terms with the mess his life had become. 

Gay. Well, there was one more thing he couldn't tell anyone. Not least because he wasn't certain himself. 

Harry splashed some water on his face and dried it off, but hesitated as a golden glint shone in his eyes. Dawn? No, the sun hadn't risen. 

With a creeping sense of foreboding, Harry leaned in to investigate his reflection. 

His eyes had developed a wide band of gold around the pupil. 

"What the hell is _ happening _to me?"

As the possible answers terrified him, Harry glamoured his eyes back to their normal green and went about his day. Or tried, at any rate.

What in Merlin's name was going on?

* * *

Christmas break should have been a time to relax, but three days in, Harry woke up in bone-crushing, soul-rending pain. He couldn't decide if he was glad no one was around to see what new strange thing had happened to him, or terrified that no one could call for help. 

Writhing agony seared the skin of his back—fuck, was something _ moving _under there? Images from a film Dudley had watched once while Harry was about filled his mind. Merlin help him, if an alien burst from his back, he'd do Voldemort a favour and kill them both himself.

With a white-hot surge of anguish and a crimson burst of blood, Harry screamed in pain and terror that his worst fears might have been realized. He lay face-down on the bed, quivering and trying not to feel the heavy, sticky, warm things on his back, big as blankets and red with gore. 

What the _ fuck _had just happened to him?

After several moments of stillness, spent breathing through the pain and getting his fears back under control—aliens, really?—he mustered the courage to turn his head.

Wings. Merlin help him, he had _ wings_. Giant, red feathered things no one could possibly miss.

"Fuck."

He couldn't hide anymore. Whatever was happening was too big for him to handle alone.

He thanked his lucky stars that all the sixth year girls but Hermione had gone home for Christmas break and struggled to find his wand.

Harry's fingers finally closed around the wood. With a shaky sigh, he struggled to form enough positive memories to produce the spell he needed.

Thank Merlin Ron had gone to breakfast early, judging by the state of his curtains. Harry really wasn't ready to face him, especially not like this. He wondered briefly why Ron didn't wake him, then decided he had more important things to worry about.

"_Expecto Patronum_." His stag appeared and bowed. "Go get Hermione."

Prongs bowed again and cantered away.


	2. Under the Radar

#  **Chapter 2**

##  _ Under the Radar _

"_Harry_?" Hermione's shriek rang in his ears and went through his aching head. "What happened? Are those…?"

"Wings," he gasped. "They burst out of me. Fuck, it hurts."

"Oh, Harry." 

Hermione sat beside him cautiously and set to work with what healing spells she knew. By the time she finished patching him up and dabbing the torn flesh around his new wings with essence of dittany, Harry felt human again. 

Figuratively speaking.

He dragged himself to a seated position and rubbed his hands over his face. It shouldn't have surprised him to find tears on his cheeks after suffering pain like _ that_, but the shimmer across his hands shocked him nonetheless.

"Merlin, Harry! What's wrong with your face? And… have your eyes changed, too?"

Apparently, he hadn't been able to maintain his glamour through the pain. Harry grimaced and braced himself for a tirade. 

"I… my eyes started changing last month, and the shimmering stuff is my tears. They're strange. Like Fawkes' almost."

"Like _ phoenix _tears?"

"Yeah, almost exactly like. Well, I don't know if they heal, but—"

"That's easy enough to test." She conjured a wide-necked phial. "Cry. I'll catch it and put it on your wings. If they feel better, well…."

He gaped. "You expect me to cry… just like that?"

She shrugged. "If your tears have healing powers, I suggest it's a skill you add to your repertoire. Especially considering we're in a war, you might be able to save lives by crying on demand."

He grimaced. "When you put it like that… but still, how? I mean, I don't cry that often unless something _ really _hurts."

"Think of something that really hurts then. Merlin knows you've plenty of experience to draw on."

Harry wrapped his arms around his chest and blinked in shock when his wings wrapped around his upper arms, too. It didn't comfort him much, as he wasn't used to them and they still hurt like hell anyway. 

"Merlin, this is so strange." 

He shook his head and tried to think of the most hurtful things he could. His parents came up first, but Harry had grown accustomed to their loss years ago. 

The Dursleys? That brought more of a hurtful reaction within him, but Harry had learned young that crying never brought him anything but more pain in that house, and the lesson stuck.

Sirius? Yes, that still hurt like hell. 

And yet, another memory now overlapped and tinted his memories of the godfather he had loved grey. 

_ "Who wants to see me take Snivellus' pants off?" _

Harry drew his knees to his chest, ignoring the pain in his back. The images of Snape's terrified eyes haunted him. So familiar, somehow. And the adult Snape's face that day Harry had dared defend his father in an after-class tongue lashing reserved especially for him… gods.

_ "Your father was an inhuman monster…." _

There had been rage in Snape's face, but it was the agonized twist of his lip, the hollow, haunted pain in his eyes, still sharp after two and a half decades, and the bitter aura of utter despair around his features that hurt Harry.

His father had _ broken _Snape somehow.

And Harry had done it all over again by violating his pensieve.

A cool brush of glass rubbed his cheeks, then tepid liquid rushed along the join of the wing nearest Hermione. A second swipe and pour down his back coated the join of the other wing. So thinking of Snape made him cry? Fitting, he supposed, but his friends would never believe his tears sprung from a place of _ sympathy _for the man.

Harry could never tell them either.

His tears ran slowly down his back, cool and tingling where they touched his broken skin.

And they _ healed _ him. 

The pain vanished, and Harry found he could wrap his wings around himself with ease. Good thing, too, because he wanted to hide now.

"So it looks as though you'll be learning to cry on demand then," said Hermione. 

Harry gave her a miserable look. "Apparently so."

* * *

After a rushed exit under glamours to the Room of Requirement, and a thorough explanation of everything that had happened to him in the past six months, Harry had expected Hermione to have a pat answer for him. She always did.

Until now.

"Well, you're clearly some kind of magical being. A magical creature like Veela or high elves. The problem is that I have no idea _ what_."

The one time he really needed her to have the whole textbook memorized, and she was stumped. Go figure.

"What do we do, then?"

"Well, _ I'm _going to go to the library and research magical creatures. Obviously."

Of course she was. The day Hermione overlooked the library when she needed answers was the day the world ended. Harry was positive of that.

"And me?"

She fixed him with a stern look. "You need to tell Ron. I know what I've found in textbooks, but he has all the benefit of magical knowledge passed down through history and legends. He has perspective and experience we don't. "

Harry flinched. "I… but…."

"Harry Potter, he's your best friend! He's not going to throw you away because you have wings!"

Harry drew his knees up to his chest. "He's done it for less."

She sighed and rubbed his shoulder. "Yes, but he learned his lesson. He was miserable about how he treated you for months, and even now, he still gets broken up about it sometimes."

Harry jerked up. "What? Really?"

"_Yes_, really. He knows he damaged your trust in him, and he's never quite been able to fix it. You're always hesitant to tell him new things, and he knows you're hiding something now. It's hurting him that you don't trust him enough to tell him."

Harry ducked in shame. "I didn't realize I was still holding it against him."

"It's tough to let go, sometimes, but it'll be okay. Ron loves you. Just go tell him."

Harry stared at his knees. "Hermione, that's not the problem. I do trust him with almost everything, even if I get a little scared sometimes. That's not him. It's… my past."

"Your relatives. We both know they're horrid to you. Are they abusive, Harry? I mean, beyond what Ron saw that night when he rescued you with the twins."

Harry tensed and stared at his knees.

"Harry?"

"I… it's not important, okay? After one more summer, I'm shot of them anyway. I'm fine."

"You are patently _ not _fine, Harry, and you just gave a textbook answer of what an abused child would do."

"I'm not a child!"

"They never gave you the chance to be, did they?"

At the threat of looming tears, which he couldn't hope to hide any longer, Harry gave in. "Okay, Hermione. You win. They beat me, starved me, and forced me to live in a cupboard, and that honestly hurts less than the complete and utter lack of love. They're horrible people, and I hate them, but I don't want to talk about _ them _right now, o-okay?"

His voice broke, and he covered his face in shaking hands. "Please. I can't. Not now."

Hermione caught him into a tight hug. She was shaking and sniffling. "Oh, Harry. I'm sorry."

"Don't, okay? Just… that isn't the problem now anyway."

"If their treatment of you is causing trouble with your ability to trust—"

"It's not that either, 'Mione."

She gave a frustrated huff. "Then what _ is _your problem with telling him?"

Harry covered his suddenly flaming face with his hands. "The dreams. Don't you think that, if I am a magical creature, there's a good possibility I'm dreaming about my mate?"

"Yes, and…?"

"And it's not a _ girl_, Hermione!"

She snickered. "Of course it isn't. You're gay."

Harry stared, gobsmacked. "How the bloody hell did you know? _ I _ didn't even know until last month!"

"Honestly, Harry, Half-Blood Prince. You obviously fancy him."

"But… I thought you were stuck on the chance that the Prince mightn't be a bloke?"

"Oh, I haven't ruled it out, but _ you _have, and really, that says it all, doesn't it?"

Harry didn't know what to say to that.

"Tell him, Harry. He's not going to throw you away for being gay either."

Harry cringed and hugged his knees again. "Isn't he, though? I'm pretty sure he expects me to get together with Ginny, but if these dreams really are about my mate—and the more I think of it, the more positive I am that they are—then that's never going to happen."

Hermione nodded sadly. "Yes, I've been trying to gently guide Ginny away from you all term, but I don't think she'll be able to move on. Not until she hears it from you."

Harry blanched. "She still…?"

"Well, you _ are _rather a catch. Even I fancied you for a bit in second year."

Harry gaped. "What? Merlin. _ Please _never say that to Ron. He's enough of a prat about you as is."

"You're not kidding." She patted Harry's knee. "Tell them, Harry. Both of them. They deserve to hear this from you. And knowing you haven't likely got a choice in the matter will help both of them accept it."

Harry stared at his knees. "I… I just don't want to hurt them."

"Then you need to buck up and tell them. Ron already knows you're hiding something. And don't you remember how angry Cho was that you didn't give her a clear no and just strung her along all term?"

Angry enough to inspire Hermione's favorite avian curse. No, he wouldn't forget that anytime soon.

"And the longer you keep hiding it from Ron, the more hurt and angry he's going to be."

Harry sighed. "I guess you're right, but I still think he'll be angry."

"He'll get over it, Harry. He loves you."

"He mightn't when he works out that I hurt his dear little sister, never mind that I didn't mean to. You remember what he did to Dean after they broke up, right?"

"Yes, yes, but this is hardly the same thing. You didn't hurt anyone intentionally—"

"Neither did Dean."

"Well, if Ron does curse your bollocks off, you might just direct your tears of agony onto the wound."

Harry snorted. "Very funny. When he kills me, you're to get my books after I'm gone, not that you haven't read them all three times by now, but still—"

Hermione laughed and smacked him with a conjured pillow.


	3. Winging It

#  **Chapter 3**

##  _ Winging It _

Ron sat on his bed when Harry came back to the dorm, his expression dark. "Have fun with Hermione all morning, did you?"

Harry rubbed his scar. Well, this was already off to a great start.

"No, Ron, fun is most definitely not the word for it." 

Ron frowned. "Have you been arguing then?"

"No. Something… terrifying happened to me while you were at breakfast, and I needed her help to deal with it."

"_Terrifying_?" Ron jerked to his feet. "Bloody hell! Are you all right, mate?"

"Yes. And no. Look, I'm going to tell you about it, but we need Ginny first."

Ron gave him a sly smile. "Finally work out who you're dreaming about, then?"

Harry winced. "Er, no. But I did find out… something, so I need to talk to you both."

Ron gave him a bemused look, then shrugged and followed him out of the dorm.

* * *

A few minutes later, Harry sat in the Room of Requirement with the youngest Weasley siblings and struggled to find his bearings. "So, er… Ginny, to catch you up, I've been having these dreams, all term."

She grimaced. "Not like last year?"

Ron snorted. "Wrong kind of dream, Ginny."

She frowned, then understanding and a bright blush crossed her cheeks. The curious hope there made Harry want to pummel Ron.

"Well, er," he hurried to explain, "they're not _ all _like that. And they're not like normal dreams even when they are."

Ginny frowned. "Um, maybe it's because I'm not a bloke, but I don't get it."

Harry raked a shaky hand through his hair. "Yeah. Best to start at the beginning."

"Tends to be advisable," said Ron with a smirk.

Harry doubted he would stay amused for long.

"A-anyway, at first, I didn't see anything but blobs of random colours. There was no shape, no form at all, but somehow I wanted what was in those dreams, intensely. It wasn't always… er…." He blushed and coughed. "Like _ that_. Sometimes I just felt… longing. Like I'm lonely for whatever it was."

Ginny tilted her head, her brow creased in thought. "Strange. You have no idea what it is?"

"Er… I didn't _ then_, no."

Ron smirked again. "And now you've enough of an idea to fill in the pieces."

"No."

The smirk slid off Ron's face. "Why'd you ask Ginny here then?"

"Oh, bloody hell, Ron, I'm _ getting _to that! This is hard enough as is."

Ron huffed and leaned back in his chair. "All right. Go on then."

"I'm trying." Harry took a deep breath. "Anyway, Ginny, as time went on, those colours came together and formed a person. And while I still don't know who they are, I do know… one thing."

Ginny fidgeted with her skirt. "And that is."

"It's… it's a bloke. I'm gay, apparently."

Ginny blanched and gave a soft, "Oh," but he barely heard it over the sound of Ron's roar.

"_What_?"

Harry rubbed his ears. "You heard me."

"Then… then what? You've just been stringing her along all year? For _ fun_?"

Harry's heart cracked and fire ignited in his chest. "_Fun_? You think this is fun? Hermione had to bloody well drag me into telling you for just this reason!"

Ron snarled, "So you _ were _just dragging us along all year. You made up that rubbish about the shapes, didn't you? I knew something weird was happening."

"Ron! For Merlin's sake, why would I make _ that _ up? If I wanted to fool you, don't you think I might have picked a less barmy story? For Merlin's sake, who gets off on dreams of _ colours_?"

"Yeah, well, maybe you just couldn't think of anything better at first and had to stick with that story."

"Or maybe you might trust that your supposed best friend wouldn't lie to you about this and just found out the person was a bloke last month!"

Ron flinched, then dropped back into his seat with a huff. "Well, all right. But if you knew last month, why not tell me then?"

"Maybe because I had no bloody clue what it meant? I didn't know I was gay until the dreams kept coming and… I put some other bits into focus."

"Like what?"

"Private bits I've no intention of discussing in front of your little sister!"

Ron scoffed. "Well, that's no surprise."

Harry glared at the prat and blinked back tears. "And what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Just that you're not exactly keen on telling us much of anything at all this term, are you?"

"That's bollocks!"

"I _ know _you've been hiding something all year. I reckon now I understand why, too."

An inferno boiled over in Harry's gut. Sparks crackled on his skin and his vision took on a golden tint.

Ginny and Ron jerked back, eyes wide, but they hadn't seen a hint of Harry's fury.

"You think I'm hiding something?" Harry jerked a hand across his face before they could see his tears.

"Harry?" Ginny's voice trembled, but Harry charged on. 

"You're right. I _ have _been hiding something, but it had nothing to do with Ginny." Harry spelled off his shirt and paced. 

"Harry…." Ron reached out, but Harry batted his hand away.

"Maybe you think I'm an arsehole, maybe you have a point, I don't know. But I didn't mean to hurt you. I just didn't think you'd react well—"

Ron shouted, "Harry, your eyes!"

"—To how big of a freak I really am!"

"Look, mate. I'm sorry. I was out of turn. I don't think you're a—"

"No? Then take a good look! _ Finite_!"

Harry's glamours dropped, and he spread his wings. Ginny blanched. Ron gaped.

"Now, do you get why I've been afraid to speak up?" Tears dripped off Harry's chin. "I'm terrified of what's happening to me!"

"Oh Merlin," Ginny breathed. "You're not human."

"No. And I kept it quiet because I was scared out of my bloody wits, okay? I didn't mean to hurt you, Ginny. I didn't even know you still…." 

At her shudder and gasp, he changed the topic. 

"And I didn't know what was happening until this morning. That's why I needed Hermione. My wings came in—more like tore straight through my back—and I was hurt, badly. I needed her to heal me and help me tidy the mess, inside my head and out of it."

Ron's jaw dropped. "And I was… bloody hell, Harry, I'm sorry. I was a ruddy arse to you." He frowned. "Wait a tick, though. If your wings just came in, they ought to still be sore. Fleur's apparently hurt her for a week."

Harry wiped a tear from his face and held it on his fingertip. 

"_Diffindo Minimus!_" 

A small cut appeared across the top of his opposite forearm. Harry rubbed the tear on the wound and watched as it sealed immediately, as if there had never been a cut there at all. 

"My tears are apparently like phoenix tears. They heal. A lot."

"_Phoenix _tears?" Ron's eyes went wide and round. "Oh gods, I know what you are."

Harry froze. "You _ do_? What is it? Me and Hermione are clueless!"

Ron stepped closer, eyes full of awe and wonder. Not the worshipping type, or Harry might have bolted. "Oh my gods, it all makes sense now."

Harry blinked more tears back and wiped his face. "Er… what? What does? Me being gay? My tears?"

"No, you prat. Well, yes, but that's not what I meant. _ Everything_, Harry! Why you're still alive now. Why You-Know-Who couldn't possess you. Why you're resistant to Imperius. Why your magic is so strong. Why the basilisk venom didn't kill you on the spot. The prophecy. Even why Fawkes has a thing for you and you alone despite the fact that he's Dumbledore's familiar."

"Er… it does?"

"Yes, you berk! You're a Sunguard! You're a human phoenix! And those dreams, gods, I really was a berk. They're fate dreams. All creatures with predestined mates have them. Those dreams are meant to help you find them. Your mate, I mean."

Harry wrapped his wings around himself. "So that's what I've been seeing all this time? My mate?"

Ron gave Ginny a sad look. "Yeah. The only one you'll ever have."

Ginny ran out in tears.


	4. The Harry Effect

#  **Chapter 4**

##  _The Harry Effect_

Ron raced after Ginny, but by the time Harry had reapplied his glamours, spelled his shirt back on, and caught up to him a few corridors down, Ginny was long gone. 

Ron leaned on his knees and panted. "Reckon we should let her calm down a bit?"

"Yeah. Maybe we should send Hermione in—"

"We need Hermione ourselves, mate. This is _huge_. She needs to understand."

Harry nodded. "All right, but, Ron, are you going to do this to me every time I don't follow your expectations? If my mate is, say, a Slytherin, are you going to call me a traitor and such?"

Ron flopped against the wall and rubbed his forehead. "Shite. You're right. I… I can't keep attacking you just because you're not as open as I am. Hell, I reckon I'd be scared to tell me, too. I really am sorry, Harry. And much as I _highly_ doubt your mate is a Slytherin, I promise I won't go mental on you again for things you can't help."

"Even if it's Snape or something?"

"Urgh. If your mate is Snape, Harry, trust me, I'll be too busy pitying your rubbish lot in life to be angry."

Harry snorted and leaned against the wall beside him. "Well, the chances of that have got to be slim to none, right? Surely fate would at least pick someone who can 'tolerate my odious presence.'"

"Mate, you do realize that talking about the bat works like a ruddy summoning charm, right? Keep this up, and he'll swoop right up out of hell and give us both detentions for breathing in his general vicinity. After taking fifty points—apiece, of course."

"Let's just be glad fate isn't quite that cruel yet and go find Hermione, then."

Ron nodded and led Harry back towards the Room. 

"_Expecto Patronum_!"

His Jack Russell ran a few circles around them, licked Harry's face, and plopped at Ron's feet, tail wagging madly. 

"Go find Hermione and bring her to the Room of Requirement."

The terrier barked and dashed away.

* * *

Hermione pulled a small, Muggle-style notepad and biro from her vest pocket and perched the notepad on her knee. "Tell me everything you know about Sunguards."

Harry wanted to laugh at her preparedness to take notes over the bloody _hols_, for Merlin's sake, but knew better than to give in to the urge. Hermione would make him regret it instantly. 

Instead, he tugged his knees to his chest and listened. Now wasn't the time to take the piss anyway.

"Well," said Ron, "it's like I said. They're human phoenixes."

Hermione paled. "Harry's immortal?"

Harry's gut dropped. Oh gods, no. Not that. He would have to watch everyone he loved die before him, over and over and—

Hermione squeezed his wrist. "Harry. Breathe."

"Hey, it's all right." Ron patted his shoulder. "You're not immortal… exactly."

"_Exactly_?" Harry struggled to keep his voice from becoming a screech. "Either I am or I'm not. Which is it?"

"You're not immortal," said Ron. "You'll live and die like every other human-type being…."

"There's a but on the end of that statement. I can hear it."

Hermione's hand on Harry's back was the only thing keeping him out of a blind panic.

"Er… sorry, mate. There's two, actually. The first being that you're all but impossible to kill while you live. And the second being that you… you're probably going to live for a _really_ long time, barring a catastrophe."

Harry rocked into his knees. "H-how long exactly?"

"Well… no one really knows. Sometimes it's a couple of centuries. Sometimes it's millennia. It depends, and we don't have that many records of Sunguards. There are only ever a handful of them alive anywhere, and, as far as I know, you're only one of about four to ever live in Europe. I think Merlin was the last, but he only lived about a hundred years. Lancelot was his mate, I think, or one of the knights, and after his mate was killed, he didn't want to go on."

"So I might live thousands of years after everyone I love is gone?"

Ron stared at his knees. "It's the same for a lot of semi-human races. High elves live even longer."

Then Harry would just have to find a few elves and befriend them so the constant loss of everyone he loved didn't drive him mad. The elves might be glad of a friend who would last awhile, too, come to think of it.

Hermione hugged him tight, tears in her eyes. "Oh, Harry. I'm so sorry. If we had known, maybe it would have been kinder to…."

To leave him alone? After years spent wishing for friends that never came? For someone who cared and didn't call him Freak and Boy? Who didn't shove him in the dark cupboard so no one could see how horrible he was?

No. Even if they wouldn't live as long as he did, Harry would never regret loving them.

"Hush." He hugged her, too. "That's rubbish. I need you to keep me from running off half-cocked and getting myself killed every twenty minutes. And Ron to keep me sane between rounds of death-defying Gryffindor brainlessness. So don't let me hear you say that again."

Hermione laughed in spite of her tears. "Oh, I couldn't really… it's just that I don't want to leave you alone."

"I won't be. I'll have your kids and grandkids to remember you by. And even when I don't, having our bond and the memories we made will _always_ be worth it."

"Oh, Harry!"

By the time she pulled away, none of them had dry eyes. Harry jokingly dropped a tear on their heads. 

"All better!"

Ron snorted, then gave him a bemused look. "Er… believe it or not, it actually _worked_."

"What? I thought phoenix tears only healed physical wounds."

"Well, they aren't phoenix tears though, are they?" Hermione wiped her face and gave him a bright smile. "They're Sunguard tears, and I feel loads better, too. The grief is still there, but it's like your tears took all the hurtful parts away and only left behind the happiness of having you as long as we can."

"So I can heal emotionally, too."

Hermione rubbed her chin in thought. "Well, Ron and I were on the mend already. I think if it was a deeper wound, like a lifelong trauma or something, it would be harder to heal."

"Probably so, but at least we know what to do next time I start being a berk, mate," said Ron. "Just blubber on me and I'll be over my snit in seconds."

Harry laughed. "I'll keep it in mind." He crossed his arms over his knees again. "So Sunguards live a really long time, they're impossible to kill, their tears can heal physical and emotional grief, to varying extents, and they're really rare. What else do I need to know?"

Ron took a deep breath and sat tall. "Right. So Sunguards are a part of our legends. Whenever wizardkind, or rather, life in general is threatened, a Sunguard is born to combat it and heal the fabric of life."

"So no pressure or anything," Harry said in a dry tone.

"No more than you already have to cope with, mate."

Harry nodded. "Fair enough. Go on."

"According to the stories, Sunguards are mythical guardians of love and life sent to help us when we need it most. And I daresay we do right now, with an immortal maniac running around torturing people to death every two seconds."

Harry shuddered. "The prophecy. This is the power he knows not."

"I reckon so, mate. Sunguards are said to be three times as powerful as any other being on the planet."

Harry paled. "But… if I'm impossible to kill and ultra-powerful, what happens if I ever go bad? Will _I_ destroy the world?"

Ron laughed and nudged Harry's shoulder. "You? Bad? Come off it, Harry."

"I'm _serious_, Ron. Absolute power corrupts."

"Well, for one, you don't _have_ absolute power, mate. At the moment, we've not much at all between the three of us, or haven't you noticed that Mum and the Order are still determined to run every aspect of our lives?"

"Well, true, but I could take over with that kind of magical power, couldn't I?"

Ron patted his shoulder. "You _could_, but you won't. Maybe it's because of what you said, but Sunguards can't go bad. It goes against the core of their being. You don't have a capacity for evil or greed, Harry. It's just not in your biology."

"So my race won't let me become another Riddle?"

"That, and the fact that you have a conscience," Hermione said.

Harry relaxed and let down his knees. They were starting to cramp. "Okay. Well, that's good then." He froze. "Unless someone possesses me and forces me to take everyone else over."

"Not happening," said Ron. "Remember how you resisted the _Imperius_ curse? There's a reason. Sunguards are the most powerful creatures alive due to the magic in their blood. Mind control spells can't hope to combat it."

Harry blanched._ "Blood of the enemy, forcibly taken…."_

He grabbed Ron's hand. "You're positive my power is in my blood?"

"That's what all the legends say. That Sunguard blood is powerful enough to save lives. That's why you can't be killed and live so long, why you're resistant to mind control, and why there's no poison or curse that will stick for long. Your blood is life and light itself."

"Life and light…?"

"Yeah. Oh, and that's why Riddle can't touch you. Because you're too pure for evil to bear it, thanks to your blood."

Harry remembered a skeletal finger pressing into his scar in the graveyard and nearly retched. _'Oh gods. This is bad.'_

Hermione grabbed their hands, her eyes bright. "Oh, Harry! This is wonderful! This means we can win."

Harry swallowed hard. "Don't count your galleons yet, Hermione. Ron, do Sunguards have any weaknesses?"

"Just one—their mate. If their mate rejects them, they get sick and die slowly as their immortality burns itself away. And if someone kills their mate, the Sunguard won't want to live any longer and their immunity and longevity vanishes in an instant. Then they have a normal lifespan and mortality like everyone else. Why? Until we're done with You-Know-Who, just keep your race and mate's identity a secret. That way no one knows who your weakness is and there's no risk. No worries."

"Actually, Ron," Harry said, voice strained, "this means we're utterly fucked."

"What, why? You don't know who your mate is yet, so there's no way you could've already been rejected—and anyone who would turn you down is daft, mate. So what's the problem?"

Harry lifted his sleeve where Pettigrew had cut him in the graveyard long ago. "Who else has my blood running through his veins again? My virtually-immortal, immune to everything, _impossible to kill_ blood?"

"Oh shite," Ron breathed, ghost-white.

"Yeah. Like I said. Utterly fucked."


	5. Lucid Dreaming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I lost most of the ending for Discretion and Valor and can't restore it without a PC. 😭 We're going to try to get it fixed this weekend so I can try to get my work back, but if it doesn't work out, I'll just rewrite it. It was only three chapters.
> 
> So I'm just going to be working on this one for a bit. Sorry, folks!

#  **Chapter 5**

##  _ Lucid Dreaming _

The day passed in a haze of worry and shock for Harry. He spent most of it trying to wrap his head around the fact that he was, in essence, a demigod, and the rest of it trying to keep his wings from bumping into people or getting in the way. Hermione was already researching ways to make them less cumbersome and constantly had her nose buried in this book or the other, even through meals.

Snape kept glaring at them, no doubt suspicious of their shell-shocked demeanour. Harry informed his friends not to make eye-contact with him and to do everything possible to think of other things when he was about. Dumbledore, too.

Ginny spent most of the day sniffling. What Harry saw of her anyway. She was clearly trying to avoid him, and Harry let her as much as possible.

Still, they had to make her aware of the danger.

After a fraught dinner, spent avoiding the too-shrewd gazes of both Snape and the headmaster, Hermione pulled Ginny aside and took her into the Room with the boys lagging behind.

"Ginny, I'm sorry to do this," said Hermione. "I know you're in pain. I just… we need you to promise not to tell anyone about Harry. Either his sexuality or his race."

Ginny stared out the window. "It's not really my business now anyway, is it?"

Hermione sighed. "I'm sorry, Ginny. It's just that Harry has just one weakness: his mate. If the wrong side works out that he's a Sunguard or who his mate is, they don't need to kill Harry anymore. All they have to do is kill his mate, and Harry dies."

Ginny flinched. "So it's like the secret about his visions or the prophecy. One word to the wrong person…."

"And we're all fucked," said Ron, "Harry most of all."

Ginny gave Harry a sad, longing look that made his chest ache and his belly squirm. "All right. Maybe I can't have you, Harry, but I still… care. I don't want to see you be hurt."

Harry's wings dropped, and he hung his head. "I'm sorry, Ginny. I didn't know."

She squeezed his hand. "It's not your fault. Just, if your mate treats you badly, tell me so I can set the worst bat bogey ever on the bastard."

Harry snorted. "Yeah, okay. But… wait." 

Crying on demand. Well, he had to learn eventually, right?

He thought of Ginny's pain, of her shattered heart, but once again, it was the haunted look in Snape's eyes that made him weep.

Merlin,  _ why _ ? Of all the people to be broken up over….

Harry pushed it aside. If it worked, he really shouldn't complain. 

Still… why had Snape looked at him like that? The thought of what dark secrets the man might be hiding left Harry's stomach in knots.

He lifted a tear off his cheek and dropped it on a bemused Ginny's head. "They heal. A bit, at least."

She slumped over and rubbed her chest. "Merlin. That's so much better. You could bottle that stuff and make a fortune."

Harry snorted. "Supply is somewhat limited."

"So charge double."

"You've been talking to the twins, haven't you?"

She chuckled, though it lacked true joy. His tears had helped, but they couldn't seal the wound in her heart.

"Are you going to be okay, Ginny?"

"Yeah. I just… need some time."

Harry winced. "I really am sorry."

"Don't be. It's not your fault." She patted his arm. "There are plenty of wizards out there. I'll find my own one day. Good luck with yours."

Harry gave her a wan smile. "Thanks."

But he had no intention of telling his mate. To be burned to death just for a simple no thanks? Forget it. It was better to stay alone.

And if no one knew who his mate was, no one could kill him to get to Harry.

Yeah. It was better for everyone involved if Harry stayed single forever. Even if the thought made something in him wither. 

Better to wither than to burn.

* * *

Harry stared at his barely-started charms essay and struggled to make his sluggish brain focus. Ever since learning the truth of his race and Voldemort's thievery of his powers, Harry hadn't been able to think of much beyond the penultimate line of the prophecy.  _ "And either must die at the hand of the other… for neither can live while the other survives." _

It was hopeless. Voldemort had fifty or so years of experience on Harry, an unknown number of horcruxes, a horde of minions to do his bidding, and now he had nearly immortal, undefeatable blood without the tempering effect of Harry's weaknesses.

In contrast, the entire goddamn wizarding world—save only Ron, Hermione, and, ironically, Snape—saw Harry as some kind of gods-given hero who came out of the womb knowing how to duel. They all expected him to fight a much more experienced master dark wizard and win at sixteen, alone. Worse, they turned vicious when he, of course, failed to live up to their ridiculous expectations. 

Harry had nothing but his race to help him win, and Riddle had stolen that, too.

_ "Either must die at the hand of the other…." _

But neither could die now, could they?

This war was never going to end.

Ron nudged his elbow. "Come on, mate. This is due Friday. 'Mione will have our arses if we don't at least have four paragraphs for her to check over by dinner."

It hardly seemed to matter anymore, but Harry tried to focus.

_ "For neither can live while the other survives." _

Harry sure as hell couldn't.

* * *

Hermione had her nose buried in a book. That wasn't so unusual on its own. The fact that she had her nose buried in a book of illegal blood magic, however, left Harry feeling distinctly off-kilter. 

"You  _ really  _ shouldn't be reading that here, you know," Harry whispered to his friend.

Hermione gave him a wry look. "We're in the  _ library _ , Harry. Reading tends to be what people do here."

"We're also in public."

"So? No one can see through my glamours."

Harry huffed. " _ We  _ can."

" _ You  _ know what it is underneath. Glamours work off of a person's natural inclination to believe what they think is easiest. No one would dream of me reading this, so no one will see it."

"Snape would."

"Snape isn't here."

Harry huffed. "And if Dumbledore comes? He can see through charms, 'Mione."

"Dumbledore has his own library, one I daresay is more extensive than the school's. And, I'll remind you, Dumbledore has us researching magic darker than this."

Touché. "Well, maybe, but—"

"Harry, honestly, your fretting is drawing more attention than my glamours."

Harry stared at his half-empty parchment. It was Thursday afternoon, and he still hadn't made much progress on his charms essay. What was the point now? 

"I don't know why you're bothering anyway."

Hermione huffed in exasperation and cast a subtle _Muffliato._ " _ Because _ , Harry, overcoming the blood transference is the only way to beat him now."

"Overcoming blood that can't be killed?"

"There  _ has  _ to be a way."

"Not unless he has a predestined mate. Oh, wait, humans get to pick their own, don't they?"

Hermione sighed and put her book down.  "All right, what's gotten your knickers in a twist, Harry? You've been moping about ever since we worked out your race, and honestly, it's driving me spare. What in Merlin's name is wrong?"

He shot her a dark glare. "Oh, nothing, 'Mione. I'm only prophesied to fight the biggest threat our world has ever known— _ at sixteen _ —and save the whole bloody world. Only it turns out that the bastard stole my unbeatable blood and is now immortal twice over. Oh, and even better, I have a fatal weakness, and he doesn't. What's to be upset about, really? It's only the end of all we know and love."

Ron snatched Harry's essay, rolled it up, and smacked Harry over the head with it. "Buck up, mate. We've been facing impossible odds together since we started at Hogwarts. It just wouldn't be the same without each new year dumping some crisis of mortal doom upon our heads."

Harry snorted in spite of himself. "True enough, I suppose."

Hermione nudged his shoulder. "He's right, Harry. And, besides, the prophecy said you had the power to win."

"It also said we both have to die at the hand of the other. No thanks."

Ron frowned. "But you've already done that, mate. When you were a baby. Botched killing curse backfired, didn't it? And don't phoenixes burn when they're hit with something lethal?"

"Pretty sure Dumbledore would've noticed a flaming baby."

Ron snickered. "Probably so. Still, wouldn't it be enough to fulfill the prophecy if your heart just stopped for a bit, then restarted? Don't they call that dying even if it isn't permanent? Either way, it mightn't mean that you literally burn."

"Until my mate rejects me or someone kills him, that is."

"Harry," Hermione chided, "stop being so fatalistic. It's not hopeless."

He fixed her with a bleak glare. "And you have the answers, then?"

"No, not yet, but that doesn't mean they don't exist." 

At Harry's scoff, she tugged him around to face her and took his hands. 

"Harry, I know it looks bleak right now, but don't give up. I could swear I've heard something about stealing blood that could help us. I  _ know  _ it's there, somewhere. I just have to find something to jog my memory."

"And if it isn't enough or you don't find it?"

"It's still not hopeless. Right now, the only information we have on Sunguards is through oral legends. Hogwarts only has the bare minimum of information on them that I've seen, and literary resources are hard to find outside of school when we're stuck here. I've asked Mum Weasley to pop around to Diagon Alley and pick up some owl order catalogues for me, but for the moment, our only resources are subjective. And you and I both know that legends tend to be exaggerated, especially concerning creatures."

Harry frowned. "What's your point?"

"My point is, Harry, that your blood might not  _ be  _ undefeatable. There may well be ways to overcome it that the legends don't include out of a desire to make Sunguards seem more impressive or just because it's not well-known. There is always a way, Harry, but if we give up, we've lost before we begin."

Harry let her words tumble around in his war-weary brain. Maybe she had a point. Harry was damned tired of facing insurmountable odds, and he couldn't see a way out now, but since when had he let that stop him? Where was his Gryffindor bravado?

He sighed and squeezed her fingers. "Yeah. Yeah, you're right. There has to be a way… somehow."

She patted his shoulder. "You just focus on finding his  _ treasures _ . I'll do everything I can to find a way to overcome your blood." She huffed and raked a hand through her hair. "I  _ know  _ I've heard something about it. If I could just remember…."

"Keep trying, 'Mione," said Ron. "You're the smartest witch ever to walk these halls. If anyone can find the answer, it's you."

Hermione turned pink and gave him a bright smile. "Oh! I'm sure I'm not the brightest, but I'm glad you have faith in me."

"We both do." And Harry resolved to remember that sooner the next time he had a crisis. "Get back to your blood magic, 'Mione. I've got to get  _ something  _ done on this now that I can think again."

Ron handed Harry his essay with a dramatic flourish. "Now that you're not mired in doom and gloom, you mean?"

"Yeah, that." Harry opened his essay and grabbed his quill again. "Um… thanks, you two. Sorry I've been such a pill lately."

Hermione squeezed his wrist. "What are friends—"

Ron interjected with a fake cough, "Sidekicks."

"—For," Hermione finished with a chuckle.

Harry grinned. "The best friends—and sidekicks—a Prat-Who-Lived could ask for.

"Damn straight," Ron agreed.

* * *

January came and went with no new information concerning the stolen blood or Harry's race, but they  _ did  _ find answers on the horcrux hunt, thanks to Aragog's timely demise. 

Six. Bloody hell, what kind of monster split their soul  _ once _ , let alone six times? Gods. It made Harry shudder every time he thought of it. 

Shudder, and  _ panic _ . How the hell was he supposed to do this even  _ with  _ Dumbledore's help, which grew more and more unreliable by the day? The man was almost never about, and Harry began to wonder if that curse in his arm was worse than he let on.

Then, just as pink hearts and fancy cards and love potions started making the rounds at Hogwarts—like hell Harry would so much as touch anything those tittering girls gave him—Hermione found something in the Room of Requirement. With any luck, whatever she had found would provide some information Harry could actually use. 

He grinned as a silver otter summoned him from the common room. Ron met him at the door, following an otter of his own. Ron saluted and fell into step with Harry, and their twin otters merged into one.

Harry gave the otter a wry look. How the hell had Hermione managed to pull  _ that  _ trick off? Ron just shrugged and kept walking. 

At least, he did until they caught a glimpse of Malfoy heading to the same place, polyjuiced goons in tow. Harry pressed a finger to his lips, banished the otter, and threw his invisibility cloak over them. They crept close, listening in, as Malfoy tried the way to the room, only to find the way blocked. He huffed and paced again, then a third time, and leaned against the wall when he couldn't break through.

"Damn it." Malfoy beat his fist against the wall once and shuddered. He looked terrible. Almost bad enough to make Harry pity him… if he hadn't nearly killed Katie Bell, maybe. Or stomped on Harry's nose and left him to suffer. Or—

Malfoy whimpered. "What am I going to do? I can't get it to work, but if I don't, he'll kill her. Gods. I have to get in there. There's no other time today."

He paced the door once more and slumped in desolation when it didn't give.

"I'm sorry, Mother. Hold on. I'll… try again later."

Two shiny tears ran down his face and jogged Harry's memory.  _ "He cries a lot about his mum and not wanting to do his task…." _

Hmm. Was Malfoy the boy Myrtle had mentioned? The one who had been crying in her loo?

_ Now  _ Harry pitied him. Enough to hurry Hermione along in the room. Prat though he might be, Harry knew how much it hurt to lose one's mother.

Malfoy sighed and dragged himself away. Harry and Ron waited until he had gone completely to pace the door under Harry's cloak.

The door opened for them, and they found Hermione in a little reading nook with three beanbag chairs settled on a cosy rug. She sat curled up in one, a notebook perched on her knee and a gold-edged text open on her lap. Two walls of bookcases formed a corner behind her chair, one side with books covered in white and crimson and gold, and the other bearing books so dark and disturbing, Harry could hardly bear to look at them.

"All right, 'Mione. What have you got for us?" 

Harry plopped in the chair in front of the dark books, knowing Ron wouldn't. The skin on his back prickled and crawled, but he ignored it. They were only books. Evil books, but still just books.

Hermione closed the book on her lap. "Well, so far the books I've found support the legends."

Harry slumped, heart sinking. "So it really is hopeless."

" _ No _ , you prat. I just haven't found the right books yet. I mean, one of them said Sunguards were all twelve feet tall with the bodies of gods, for Merlin's sake. And that's the standardised text on semi-human races!"

Harry looked down his scrawny, rather short frame. "Well, obviously  _ someone  _ is holding out on me."

Ron and Hermione laughed.

"Clearly," Ron said with a grin.  "You're sure that's the  _ standardised  _ text, Hermione?"

"You're surprised? It's released by the Ministry." She scoffed. "It's utter rubbish. You should see what it said about werewolves. Or not, as I really would prefer that you  _ don't  _ set the Room on fire, Harry."

"Probably wise," Harry agreed, "but if all the books are rubbish, then what? How do we find answers if no one has them?"

"I didn't say  _ all  _ the books are rubbish, Harry. Many have been a lot closer to the truth." She sighed and slumped back into her seat. "The problem is that no one has seen a Sunguard for centuries. Not in Britain, at least. And those who live in other places are rather secretive, for good reason. There's one in Germany, one in Russia, and one in the states, but there are no others registered, and any other information on them is scarce."

Ron frowned. "I suppose just owling them is out?"

Hermione sighed. "I already tried. The owls all came back looking dazed, still carrying the same letters I sent them with, unopened. It's probably just from standard blood wards to keep out mad fans and such, but it makes it impossible for strangers to get in touch with them. And really, maybe it's for the best. Could you imagine how you would feel getting a letter from a stranger asking how to kill you?"

"Yeah, probably good they didn't see that then," said a wry Ron.

Harry huffed. "So we're stuck." 

"I didn't expect the hunt for ways to defeat your blood to be  _ easy _ , Harry. If it was readily available knowledge, the legends would reflect that. That doesn't mean the information doesn't exist."

Ron chimed in. "S'like the horcruxes, Harry. Hard as hell to find, but we know they're out there. It's just going to take time and hard work to find them."

The analogy lifted the clouds on Harry's spirit a bit. "All right. That does make sense."

"See? Even I can have a brainwave every now and then."

Harry made the room conjure a pillow just so he could toss it at the prat. Ron laughed and tossed it back. Harry went to throw again, but Hermione banished it. 

"I  _ did  _ find some relevant information, if you two are finished playing?"

"We're all ears." Harry leaned forwards, at least as much as his beanbag would allow. "Well?"

"This book had some interesting information about Sunguards and their mates, and how magic flows between them. Apparently, because a Sunguard's magic is both so powerful and entrenched in fire and sunlight, they need a mate with an opposing core type to balance them. Someone with a dark or a cold core."

" _ Dark _ ?" Harry cringed. "I won't be mating Lucius Malfoy or his lot anytime soon, thanks."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Not dark  _ arts _ , you berk. Just darkness. Like the moon, water, or ice magic. If werewolves didn't have shorter than average lifespans due to their curse, they would be good mates for Sunguards because of their affinity with the moon. It has nothing to do with evil."

"Oh." Harry's heart slowed. "Okay. That I can deal with."

"Good. Now, the thing about a Sunguard's magic is that the mate acts as a sort of anchor for them. It's why they die without their mate. Their magic burns out of control if they're rejected and breaks if their bonded mate is killed."

"What happens if their mate dies naturally?"

Hermione grimaced. "The Sunguard dies, too, but it's at least a peaceful death. Your lifespan is tied irrevocably to your mate's because of the anchor thing. You need their influence to function properly."

"Well, that's grim." But at least it meant Harry might not be doomed to a millennium alone. "How is it that some Sunguards live so long if they need their mate to survive?"

"Well, their mates, in those cases, obviously weren't human. More like night elves, vampires, selkies, or some other long-lived race associated with ice, water, or darkness. In fact, this book suggests that Sunguards rarely have human mates."

"Oh. So I guess that kills my idea of us shacking up together and becoming a triad, yeah?"

Ron tossed another pillow at him. "Prat! I love you, you berk, but I'm having nothing to do with your arse, if you get my drift."

Harry grinned. "Hey, I could be a top, you know. Then it would be  _ your _ arse on the line, so to speak."

Ron glared. "Not bloody likely."

Harry snorted. "I'm teasing. It seems my mate has black hair anyway, so you're off the hook."

"Thank Merlin for that."

Harry chuckled. "You were saying, 'Mione?"

She shook her head at him. "Berk. The only other interesting bit I've found so far is that because your mate acts as your magical anchor, you can't use your magic against him."

Harry blanched. "Why would I?"

"Duelling practice, maybe? There could be any number of reasons, but this book makes it clear that nothing offensive will work against your mate…." She gave him a grim look. "And you can't defend against him, either."

"So he could attack me…?"

"And there would be nothing you could do about it. Not magically, at least."

"Merlin. The bachelor life is sounding better and better by the minute."

"Hush, you. You don't know who your mate is yet, do you?"

Harry remembered last night's dream. Dark, soulful eyes, silky ebony hair, creamy pale skin over a lithe, wiry frame, legs to die for, and an arse he wanted nothing more than to squeeze in both hands. A sharp, angular profile. Elegant hands with long fingers.

Harry thought he  _ should  _ know, but he had no idea. And yet, he more he saw of his mate, the more uneasy he grew. Something told him when he finally did put the pieces together, he wouldn't be too happy about it.

Well, it was all moot anyway. After learning this, Harry's resolve to avoid his mate had just doubled.

Still, he did want to know. Just in case he might have the slightest chance of knowing what it meant to be loved.

"No, Hermione. Not yet."

She shrugged. "You've got time."

"Yeah." Too much and not enough.


	6. The Phials Hit the Fan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: implied past non-con, violence. Snape is more aggressive here than in canon, and so is Harry. I hope it's clear that Severus' bad memories and Harry's anger at his odd behavior are the cause of it. 
> 
> Also, holy hell I am so sick right now.😭😖

#  **Chapter 6**

##  _ The Phials Hit the Fan, _

Harry first noticed Malfoy's new obsession at lunch a week later, a few days prior to Valentine's day. The prat kept staring at Harry, watching every move he made. Merlin, every time Harry walked past him, Malfoy's stares crept down Harry's spine like slime. Ugh.

Considering the timing, Harry had the awful suspicion that the prat had somehow come to fancy him and wanted a date to the Valentine's ball. Gods, Harry would sooner lick flobberworm shite than date Malfoy. He had a predestined mate anyway, and his mate sure as hell wasn't blond.

The truth, however, turned out to be far worse.

Irritated with the constant staring, Harry turned on the prat the day of the ball and cornered him outside the Great Hall on his way to breakfast. Late, on purpose. His friends had already gone inside, and Harry had hoped that the lacquer-headed arsehole would have done, too.

No such luck. The fact that Malfoy had waited at the entrance for gods knew how long rubbed Harry the wrong way.

"_What_? What the hell is your fascination with me lately, Malfoy?"

Malfoy scowled. "With you? Nothing."

"Oh, stow it. I've seen you staring at all hours of the day. You're worse than a ruddy infatuated first year! The answer is _ no_, Malfoy, so don't bother—"

And then, Harry felt it. The push on his mind so much like Dumbledore's 'tea' sessions. Detentions with Snape. Occlumency lessons when Snape _ hadn't _torn Harry's brain apart.

Oh gods. Malfoy was trying to use Legilimency on Harry. _ Subtle _ Legilimency that Harry wouldn't recognise if he hadn't had years of experience of having his brain poked and prodded by Hogwarts' resident mind mages.

And worse, Harry had secrets to hide now. Lethal secrets.

_ 'Fuck!' _

Without bothering to finish the confrontation, Harry cast a nonverbal, wandless _ Protego_—had it come out orange?—and raced back to the solitude and safety of the dorms.

Oh, gods. What was he supposed to do now? He had never learned to occlude. Every time Snape pushed at Harry's shields, they still gave like butter under a hot knife. 

Occlumency. Snape. 

Damn. Looked like Harry was going to have to apologise to the man after all.

Merlin help him, this would not go well for him. Harry was sure of it.

* * *

He waited until the other students would have gone to Hogsmeade, right after breakfast. Ron and Hermione wouldn't go without him, but the rest of the students—including Malfoy—would be out of the castle. And with a ball that night, Snape wouldn't be on patrol duty in town. Dumbledore wasn't _ that _suicidal.

With a deep breath in vain attempt to gather his scattered wits and courage, Harry picked himself off the common room sofa and made his way to Snape's office, stealthy as a cat. Or at least as much as he could manage.

Harry hyperventilated at the door. Gods, he was ten kinds of a fool. Snape would eat him alive and laugh at his bleeding corpse.

No. No, that was silly. Snape would be angry, sure, but Dumbledore wouldn't keep him on if he was truly dangerous… right?

Harry took another shaky breath. He just had to get in and get out before this turned into the nightmare instinct warned him it would be.

Now _ that _was silly. This would be awful and he knew it.

And yet, there was the smallest chance Snape might help him when it was all over. Harry had to try, anyway. Lives depended on it.

* * *

Severus had hoped for a few blessed hours of peace and quiet before the chaos and vapidity of the Valentine's Day Ball—the worst of the lot, in his opinion—but he should have known such luck was not to be his. He had just settled down with a book and a cup of tea when his office bell rang. Oh, for Merlin's sake. Who in their right mind would disturb him today, of all days, when the flirting and cow's eyes and blatant snogging shattered his nerves and made him want to claw his way out of Hogwarts?

"Something had better be on fire." 

He reached his office door just as whatever fool had come to poke the bear in its den knocked again.

"Enter," he growled.

And in walked the very last person he wanted to see on today of all days.

Harry fucking Potter. Brilliant.

The minute he saw those ridiculous spectacles and that messy hair, he found himself trapped in the past.

> _ Moonlight shone on the lake as students made their way out of the ball in pairs, holding hands and snogging while the teachers were busy patrolling inside. Snow still covered the grounds and wetted the backside of Severus' trousers. He would have cast an Impervius charm if he could. _
> 
> _ The wind was cold on his back, but Severus preferred it to the heat of the arm wrapped around his stiff shoulders and the gloved hand clutching his own. _
> 
> _ "Beautiful, isn't it? You, me, the moon?" _
> 
> _ The moonlight off a pair of outdated round spectacles just as a mouth moved in to kiss him. He didn't have the power to move away. _
> 
> _ But he wanted to. Gods, how he wanted to. _

Severus slammed his Occlumency shields into place. Had he known the brat was coming, he would have had them ready beforehand. He didn't want to remember. Didn't want to feel it again.

A trickle of cold shame dripped down his spine. He shoved it fiercely away. Just a few more months. A few more months, and he need never worry about seeing him again.

At least until the time came for them both to die.

Severus was ready. 

He put on his sharpest glare and stalked to his desk. "What do you want, boy?"

* * *

Harry gulped at the look on Snape's face and the tone of his voice. Merlin, he'd certainly snapped out of it with a vengeance. Harry had been on the cusp of asking him if he was all right. Snape had looked haunted again, just for a moment. Trapped. Afraid.

His eyes held nothing so human now.

"I will not ask again, Potter. For what no doubt odious reason have to come to seek my _ company _during the few blessed student-free hours I am allotted on this godsforsaken day?"

Harry winced. Damn. Apparently Snape hated Valentine's Day even more than Harry did. Bad timing, but there was no help for it.

"S-sir, I'm sorry to disturb yo—"

"Don't waste my time with false platitudes. What do you _ want_, Potter?"

Harry swallowed hard. "Er… well, that's part of why I came. I owe you an apology, and I ne—"

"An apology." Snape's glare sharpened. "And which, pray tell, of your innumerable offenses am I to be treated to an apology for? Your abysmal potions performance? Your pathetic showing in defence? The moronic stunts you pull at least thrice a year? The enormity of your ego, which you have just proved _ can_, in fact, grow even larger? What makes you think I care for your insipid attempts at false platitudes, Potter?"

"It's not false! Do you imagine I would subject myself to _ this _if I didn't mean it?"

Snape raised an eyebrow. "Ten points from Gryffindor for disrespect, and another ten for disturbing my well-earned rest."

Harry knew better than to protest. He ground his teeth and tried to bring his growing anger under control. Blowing up would do him no favours now. 

"So, Mister Potter, you say you have grown a conscience and wish to apologise to me. Am I to assume you came here, _ now _ of all times, solely to make reparations? Am I then to gather by this… unlikely display of remorse, that you wish for nothing in return for your _ humble _apologies?"

Harry flinched. Damn.

"As I thought."

Harry sighed and rubbed his scar. "Sir, you're right. I did come because I need help, too, but I really _ am _sorry. If I had thought for a minute that you wouldn't hex me for trying, I'd have come at the start of the year."

Snape scoffed. "And what, I repeat, are you apologising _ for_?"

Harry swallowed hard. "For… the pensieve. For breaking your trust."

Snape's expression wavered for a millisecond, then rage edged with a sharp cut of… something—terror? Desperation?—twisted his features into a picture of fury. "Do you truly expect me to fall for your tricks, Potter? Do you expect me to believe you didn't _ enjoy _it? Do you?"

"_Enjoy _it? Enjoy watching my father and godfather bully you? No, sir. I was appalled."

"Balderdash. Do you wank to it, that image of me suspended and imprisoned for your amusement? Does it fulfil your twisted little fantasies?"

Snape was all but screaming now. Harry backed into a corner and returned his shouts to hide his fear. 

"What the…? What in Merlin's name gives you the right to ask about my sex life, sir? It's _ private._"

"And so were my memories! So is my body! But that did not stop you from ogling every inch, did it?"

"Who the hell do you think I am? I'm not a rapist! I'm a bloody virgin, for Merlin's sake!"

"Ten points for language!"

"You ought to be taking them from yourself for behaving so inappropriately! Gods!" Harry shuddered and rubbed his arms. "I… I don't want to talk about this with you. Can't you see it's too far?"

Snape's eyelid twitched. "Fine. What do you want, Potter?"

Harry took a deep breath and struggled to get his emotions under control. Snape's accusations hurt like hell, but if he cried now, even a little, the game was up. 

"I… I need your help, sir. My-my life is in danger. If I don't learn to occlude, I'll be killed. I need you to—"

"So." Snape's voice was lethal. "That is what you are after. One memory wasn't enough to sate you, hmm? You need more. More images of me at your… father's mercy. Perhaps you wanted to finish the tale I interrupted, hmm? To see me broken? Is that what you wanted?"

Fire flickered to life in Harry's gut and spread like an inferno through his blood. 

"_No _, you utter bastard. No, I can say without a doubt nothing about you turns me on, and if it did, your cruelty to me would crush the life out of any fancy before it could take its first breath."

"Fifty points from—"

Harry's temper snapped.

"Oh, just take the goddamn lot and be done with it! That's what you want, isn't it? To see _ me _ broken? Maybe it's you fantasising about my naked body, you fucking arse. Maybe I should be concerned about _ your _deviant mind. Maybe—"

Snape crossed the room in a split second and had Harry pinned to the wall by his throat before he could blink. The man's wand shook as he aimed it at Harry's forehead. 

"I want _ nothing _ to do with you, you egotistical sodding prick! You will not lay the blame for your twisted desires at _ my _feet, never again, Potter!"

Harry could barely breathe. A whistling sound screamed within his ears as his magic built inside him. "You're hurting me." Sparks glowed and crackled on his skin. "Get the fuck off of me."

"Do you imagine I _ care_? It is just desserts for all the time you… your father? No, _ you _ hurt me! For all I am concerned, the dark lord may have you and welcome! Fuck off and get out of my room, you snivelling prick!"

Harry's fury exploded. Fire and light and power burst from him in a storm that rocked the entire office. Snape was thrown back by the sheer concussive power of his anger, and every jar in the office exploded and sent shards of glass and foul smelling liquids everywhere.

Harry screamed as the glass tore into his wings, his face, his arms. It felt as though his skin had been scalded off. His arms had spared most of his face, and his glasses had shielded his eyes, but everything else had been cut to ribbons. Only his feet and legs had escaped the blast, thanks to the heavy denims and winter boots he had on.

Fuck. If his own magic had hurt him _ this _badly, what had he done to Snape?

His heart pounded as he forced his shredded arms from his face. Blood dripped from every surface of his visible skin, crimson tendrils seeping into the mess of glass and shredded ingredients specimens below. Healing tears dripped from his face, but what if he couldn't save Snape? The man hadn't said a word, hadn't made a sound. 

Was he dead?

Harry forced his tears away and dragged his eyes to Snape's form. The man stood across from Harry, leaning against his desk. He looked dazed from the shock, but other than that….

He hadn't a scratch.

Harry stared, uncomprehending, until the awful truth crept into his consciousness and turned his blood to ice. Harry's magic had nearly flayed the skin off Harry, but Snape hadn't been harmed at all. Oh gods, it was all coming together now. The failed occlumency lessons, his pitiful duels in defence… Merlin help him. 

Harry's magic hadn't hurt Snape because it _ couldn't _hurt him. Snape was his anchor. His control.

His mate.

Snape, a triple spy in the darkest war in Britain's history and a man in constant peril was Harry's mate. A man who loathed his existence. Whom Harry's family had abused. Even better, Snape would never be able to teach him to occlude. Harry's barriers would never work on him.

Utterly fucked indeed.


	7. Scotland, We Have a Problem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry deals with the aftermath of that disastrous confrontation.

#  **Chapter 7**

##  _ Scotland, We Have a Problem _

Harry hardly noticed the pain as he used Snape's temporary shock to escape the office before anything _ else _went horribly awry. He had probably left a trail of blood for Snape to track all the way to the dorm, but with any luck, he wouldn't be desperate enough to finish Harry off to enter Gryffindor tower.

Who was he kidding? When Snape snapped out of it, he would murder Harry for destroying his precious creepy crawly things, and never mind that he'd stripped off half his hide to do it, because Snape sure as hell wouldn't care. No, Snape would crawl over broken glass just to tear the rest of Harry to bits. _ Literally_.

His mate. The only mate he would ever have.

So much for the chance to be loved.

He winced at the sting of salt in his shredded face and realised he was crying. Merlin knew he had cause to, but he couldn't give in to the need for emotional release now. He had to get to safety.

Safe. Merlin, he wasn't safe in the tower either, was he? Granted, the upper years were all in Hogsmeade, but the first and second years wouldn't hesitate to spread the story of 'Harry Potter, the Wounded One' far and wide. He didn't know what the consequences of _ that _story would be once Voldemort heard it, especially if they tracked the source of Harry's injuries to Snape, but he sure as bloody fuck didn't want to find out.

Not to mention Dumbledore would have _ questions _for Harry once he heard of it. The kind of questions that came along with a cup of dosed tea and legilimency probes. 

Harry had a fair idea what the consequences of _ that _meeting would be.

No, he couldn't risk the headmaster learning the truth about Harry or his mate. He would be better off facing Snape again. At least Snape would kill him quickly. Dumbledore would make him _ suffer _before he sacrificed Harry. All for the greater good, of course.

Sometimes Harry wondered which of the war's lords was worse.

Harry careened around the corner for the Room of Requirement, thanked his lucky stars—the brave, lonely bastards—that no Slytherin first years were in sight for once, and paced before the door.

_ "I need a place to hide from everyone but Ron and Hermione. I need a place to hide…." _

* * *

Severus gasped as his nightmares finally faded into the ether, where they belonged. He lifted a foot with intent to stagger to his desk, but froze as liquid sloshed and clung to the leather. If not for his high-powered _ Impervius _ charms, he would have been drenched, at least from the ankles down.

Bloody hell, had Potter made it _ rain _ in his office? He gathered enough presence of mind to look around and choked back a shout of dismay.

He was standing in a war zone. Fluids of every colour sloshed around his boots, smelling strongly of embalming solution. Various bits and bobs floated in the sea of death, and others decorated every surface of his office. Only his person had been spared, probably again thanks to the protective charms in his clothes. Every other surface glittered with the splattered remains of his potions specimens, and….

The fluid clinked and clattered when it moved. With a grim look at the sparkling mess, Severus lifted his foot from the fluid and caught some of it on the toe of his boot. As he turned it to the side, glass and shrapnel poured from his foot and splashed into the fluid below.

Dear gods. Potter hadn't flooded his office, he had bloody well _destroyed _it.

Rage flickered to life in Severus' gut and spread to his limbs like wildfire. This mess was a biohazard. Potter might have _ killed _ Severus in his rage, had Severus not possessed the forethought to cast shielding and _ Impervius _charms on his clothes.

He _ would _ see the Potter brat expelled for this, or so help him, or he would take Albus up on charges. But, as Severus ordered his story for Albus, he realised he didn't _ have _one. Not a complete story, at least. His memories of the past and present had congealed into a bigger mess than his office was, leaving him with nothing concrete but the barest facts.

Potter had come to his office. Potter had tried to apologise for the pensieve, not that Severus would let himself be taken in. Potter had asked to learn occlumency again, and then, everything went hazy. 

Was it Potter Senior or Harry who had asked him to stop being so inappropriate and stay off the topic of his sex life?

Oh that was most definitely Harry, and yet, Severus hadn't seen the boy standing there when he asked it.

Had James Potter called him a deviant and accused him of wanking to fantasies of his body? This time, Severus couldn't be sure.

And he couldn't remember anything after that at all. What the _ hell _had happened to his office, and where was Potter? 

He searched his office for clues as to the brat's whereabouts and froze at a dripping sound just ahead. There. Against the corner where Potter had stood.

Oh gods. The entire wall was crimson.

He tracked the source of the dripping sound—not his shelves, to his surprise, but his ceiling. He looked up and his gut clenched. Blood.

He called, horrified, for a house elf he knew of that had worked in the kitchens when he was a boy. He had taken a liking to her then and always asked for her when he needed help.

He wished there hadn't been a need to call her now. 

"Hippa!"

The elf appeared and squealed at the mess. She snapped her fingers, and the office was pristine again.

Merlin, to have power like that….

He shook himself. "Thank you, Hippa." He cut across her typical emotional response to simple gratitude. "There is no time. I fear Mister Potter is gravely injured. Please check on his condition for me. Do not allow him to see you or approach if he is conscious. Report back to me immediately once you are certain he is not in immediate danger."

The elf's eyes widened and her ears drooped. "Yes, Master Snape. Hippa is going now."

He nodded in thanks and sat in his freshly-cleaned office chair to wait. His hands and knees trembled. What had happened? Had Severus destroyed his office or had Potter? It disturbed him terribly that he didn't remember.

Had he killed the boy? Gods. Was he a murderer—_before _Albus' end?

Hippa popped back into existence and made him jump. "Master Harry is conscious. He is being in the Come and Go Room with his friends, and Mistress Granger is being healing his wounds with essence of dittany, sir."

Severus breathed a sigh of relief. He hated the brat, of course, but he hadn't meant to hurt him.

"Thank you, Hippa. Please keep an eye on him and tell me if he is in need of further medical assistance when Miss Granger has finished."

The elf thanked him and apparated away. 

So Potter wasn't in danger of expiring, at least, but fuck! What the hell had happened?

With no other option, Severus activated the recall charm on his office. He didn't like to use it as having external memories implanted into his mind was always jarring and left him disoriented for a while, but, in this case, he had no choice. He needed to see what had happened so, when Albus inevitably came calling, Severus would be prepared.

The scene played in his mind like a film. Potter's bumbling apology. Severus' violent reaction to the mention of his pensieve. From an outside perspective, it was clear enough that Severus had begun seeing James Potter in place of the son at that point, and it only worsened from there. 

Severus' vicious, wildly inappropriate accusations. Potter backing into a corner as he fired them back.

Merlin. The boy was terrified. And Severus couldn't blame him.

Then, his gut dropped into his feet. Oh gods. He had _ mauled _Harry. Pinned him to the wall by his throat—it would certainly bruise. 

_ "You're hurting me. Get the fuck off me." _

_ "Do you imagine I care? It is just desserts—" _

Severus gasped as Potter's eyes glowed like the sun. His form vibrated, he released a sharp cry… then everything in the office exploded. Potter screamed as the glass that spared Severus tore his skin to pieces.

The boy had taken one look at Severus, cried a few strangely thick tears, and staggered out of the office as if the hounds of hell bayed at his heels.

Severus ended the spell and collapsed into his chair. The sound of Potter's scream of agony rang in his ears, and the air still tasted heavy with the metallic grit of his blood. Gods.

No. Severus would not recommend expulsion, not today, but perhaps he oughtn't to be teaching if he couldn't separate his students from his abusers. 

Oh, right. He wasn't here on _ merit_, but rather to serve as the headmaster's pawn. Albus would keep him on so long as his outbursts didn't kill his boy weapon— _ until the proper time_, at least—and Severus would reap his punishment by doling out justice for the lives Albus had manipulated and ruined. 

For Harry's life. For Severus' own.

Twenty years, and his ghosts still hadn't ceased to haunt him. Twenty years, and he still hadn't found release.

Well, it would all be over, soon. In that, at least, Severus could find some small measure of peace.

A few detentions would suffice for this. Potter's outburst had been dangerous and harmful, but it was more Severus' fault than the boy's. He wrote a note outlining Potter's detention schedule for the next week and sent it along with Hippa.

With his task completed, Severus laid his head in his hands and struggled to rebuild his failing mental shields. Potter's screams reverberated inside them for a long, long time.

* * *

Hermione's shriek ricocheted off the walls as she entered the Room. "_Harry_!"

Harry had been crying like mad, and it hadn't been difficult given how much physical and emotional anguish he was in, but he still looked a mess, no doubt. His shirt lay in bloody tatters at his feet, both wings still hurt like hell, and he could hardly be expected to reach his own back. He had only healed part of his chest, too, and he suspected his scalp was bleeding though it didn't hurt nearly as much as his wings.

Hermione dashed over, tears in her eyes and Ron lagging behind. Ron's mouth gaped and his eyes bugged, then his face tightened in sheer rage.

"Who _ did _ this to you?"

Harry shook his head and winced. Damn. Still hurt to move. "My fault. L-lost control of my magic. Blew up all of Snape's jars. This is the result."

Ron's lips twitched. "I shouldn't laugh because you're hurt, but the arsehole has had that coming for _ years_. I hope you bloody well shredded his ugly arse."

"Ronald!" Hermione shot him a reproachful look. "That's horrid! The man is, undeniably, an utter berk, but no one deserves to be cut to ribbons!" 

"Oh, I'm sure I can think of a few who have worse coming," Harry muttered.

Hermione sighed and pulled a green vat out of her purse, a larger one than should have fit in her slim bag. "Hold still, Harry. This is essence of dittany. It's very helpful for healing wounds."

Ron raised an eyebrow. "And you just carry that around in your purse now, do you?"

"With a best friend as danger-prone as Harry?"

Harry snorted and grimaced at a shock of pain. "Yeah, can't say I blame you."

Hermione chuckled tearfully. "The truth is I've had all the essentials packed in here for months. I wasn't sure when we would have to leave for the horcruxes, so I've kept a supply of all the things we might need on hand at all times, as well as a few changes of clothing. Well, I could only store tinned food, but everything else—"

"Blimey," said Ron. "You've got an entire storage room in _ that_?"

She huffed. "You're a pureblood, and you're shocked by things that are bigger on the inside than they appear?"

"Oh. Right."

"Anyway, this dittany should really help. People keep it on hand while they learn how to apparate in case they're splinched as it's so good at closing minor wounds."

"Good thing I'm not seriously injured or anything then," Harry said with a huff.

"Prat. You have a lot of wounds, yes, but as you didn't manage to blow any body parts _ off_, dittany will do the trick. Of course, your tears can only help, too, but judging by the state of your eyes, you've been at it for awhile."

Harry lowered his head and sniffled. "Yeah. I c-can't seem to stop."

"Oh, Harry." Hermione turned him around and winced. "Merlin. Was it so awful?"

Harry sighed as her cool, gentle fingers began taking away his pain. "Yeah. And it's worse than you know."

"I believe it. Bad as this is, I can't imagine Professor Snape is in good shape. Is he in the Infirmary?"

Harry took a shaky breath. "That's the bad part. That glass went everywhere, Hermione. It even tore through the glamours and wards you put on my wings. Snape _ should _ have been torn to pieces, just as I was, but he wasn't hurt at all."

Hermione paused. "He… he wasn't?"

"No. Not a scratch. My magic didn't touch him."

Hermione gasped. The jar of dittany dropped and would have shattered had Ron not caught it and levitated it first.

"Wait. I don't understand." Ron handed the dittany back to Hermione. "How could your magic not hit him, Harry?"

Harry gave Ron a grim look. "Remember that little conversation we had about not hating me for things I can't help after Ginny ran off during the hols? Well, it turns out I spoke too soon and fate really fucking hates my guts."

Ron made a sound like a dying animal and sank onto the sofa beside Harry. "It's Snape? It's _ really _Snape?"

"Yeah. And that means we're even more fucked than I thought."

"Damn."


	8. Save the Last Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Computer is still a loss. We're in a tough spot all over. I'm trying though. Also, I have no idea if the fat lady's tip would actually work. It just sounded like something a witch from her time might have tried.

#  **Chapter 8**

##  _ Save the Last Dance _

Ron and Hermione squeezed in on a newly-healed Harry's sides, trying to offer him comfort after such a devastating blow. While he appreciated their efforts—and particularly that Ron had kept his word and hadn't lost the plot over the identity of Harry's mate—they didn't have time for this. He could grieve later. Unless they moved now, he mightn't live long enough 

to have the chance.

"Okay, you lot. We have to talk."

Ron rubbed Harry's shoulder, his touch light. "Mate, don't worry. I know you can't help it. I'm hacked off, but not at you."

Harry gave him a wan smile. Thanks, but that wasn't what I meant." He sighed and dropped his head into his hands. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you. Now you know, and now you're in as deep as I am."

"Harry," Hermione chided, "_do _shut up. We're your best friends, you prat. We want to be here."

"It's just the natural order of things, mate," said Ron. "Life buries you in shite, and we break out the shovels. It's what good sidekicks do."

Harry snorted. "What, shovel shite?"

"When it's on you? You bet."

Harry nudged his shoulder. "Thanks. I… without you two, I—" He took a shaky breath and blinked hard. "I'm glad you're with me."

"We always will be." Hermione took his hand. "Now, spit it out. How bad is it?"

"Bad. We all have to leave Hogwarts—tonight. And we can't come back as long as the war is on."

Hermione's breath left her in a rush. "_Leave_? But why?"

"Because, 'Mione, none of us know how to occlude and Malfoy is trying to break into my mind."

"_What_?" Hermione shuddered. "Oh gods."

"That's why he's been ogling you for days!" Ron leapt to his feet and paced. "I thought he just wanted a date to the dance, and that was bad enough, but…."

"But this is worse, yeah."

"Merlin." Ron sat beside Harry again with a huff. "It just keeps getting worse and worse."

Harry could only manage a weak nod.

Hermione squeezed Harry's hand. "That's why you ran off after that confrontation at breakfast. You caught him at it."

"Yeah, hard to miss what with being so used to Snape and Dumbledore picking my brains whenever the fancy hits."

Hermione winced. "So you ran straight from the common room after breakfast to Snape's office. And _ this _happened when you asked him to teach you to occlude?"

"Exactly." Harry shuddered. "The things he said to me… ugh."

"Bastard," Ron spat.

He had been, yes, but Harry had the awful feeling that Snape hadn't been all _there_ during that confrontation. The man had never been so violent before. 

Still, either way….

"This means we have to leave. You two know now, so anyone with the ability to read thoughts could find out the truth. And as Snape is my mate, I'll never be able to learn to occlude from him when my shields don't keep him out. And the longer we stay here, the greater the chance is that someone will find out the truth about me and kill Snape to get to me, or _ Snape _will find out and reject me out of spite. Either way, if we stay here, we're fucked."

Hermione sighed. "Well, maybe so, but don't you think we ought to try speaking to the headmaster before we leave Hogwarts?"

Harry growled. "Over my dead body. He'll force me to bond to Snape even though the man loathes me and I have no defence against him. He'll take my freedom in an instant—and Snape's, too, come to think of it—and he won't bat an eyelash if Snape beats me bloody for it."

Hermione gasped. "_Harry_! You don't really believe—"

"Or," he continued over her protests, "failing that, he'll lock me away in an ivory tower until it's time to march me out to Voldemort and sacrifice his little weapon for the greater fucking good."

Hermione covered a sniffle. "Do you really think…?"

"Sirius, Hermione. Sirius. He could have saved him if he would have just told me the goddamned prophecy and stopped leading me around by the nose."

"But he couldn't have known Sirius would be killed."

"Maybe not," said a grim-faced Ron, "but he knows about the Dursleys. He knows they're abusive, and he's never done a thing to stop it."

Harry wheeled around and gaped at him. "You knew?"

"Mate, I realise I'm not the quickest wand in the duel, but do give me _ some _ credit. People who love their kids don't starve them and their pets, lock them in like animals, lock their things away from them, or bar up their windows, and they sure as hell don't try to pull them out of a flying car hovering outside of a second story window when their kids try to _ escape_. There wouldn't be a need to escape in the first place if those arseholes had ever given a shite about you."

Harry wrapped his arms around his chest. "But then why did you never say anything?"

"Harry, that's what I'm saying—we _ did _tell him. Mum did. Dad did. The twins did. Ginny. I do every bloody year since second year, when we realised how bad it is there for you." Ron shook his head. "Hermione, Dumbledore doesn't care. He pats me on the head and tells me he'll take care of it, but he never does."

"So he really does know." Harry's stomach roiled and his chest had a Hagrid-sized hole in the middle. "All this time, he's known, and he left me there to _ suffer_?"

Dark, bitter rage seethed in his blood and set his feathers on end. "The bastard knew, and he sat there in his little tower while they starved me? While they beat me until I bled? While Petunia bashed me with cast iron pans and Vernon shoved me into the burning hobs when their dinner, the dinner that I had to cook, but didn't get to fucking taste at five goddamn years old, wasn't _ perfect_?"

Hermione breathed, "Oh, Harry…."

"Merlin," Ron choked. "I didn't even know it was that bad. What the fuck is he on about, leaving you with monsters like that?"

Harry gave a laugh tinged with mania and sobs. "I'll tell you why the bastard did it: to turn me into a goddamn living weapon against Voldemort! He wanted me strong, and he had to leave me with arseholes who hated me, because if I had guardians who cared about me, they _ might _be a tad upset about Dumbledore setting me up against a dark wizard four times my age every goddamn year! They might have protested Occlumency with a teacher who hates me, and competing in tournaments for of age students as a minor, and teachers who tortured anyone who talked back, and—"

Hermione patted his arm and sniffled. "Okay. I get it. You… you're right. Blood wards or no, he could have done something about the abuse if he had ever cared at all." Her eyes flashed. "You're _ right_. I can't believe how blind I've been." She slumped. "And that means there really is no other choice. We have to leave and strike out on our own before we're killed."

"Yeah. They'll never let me train seriously anyway. They all think I was born knowing how to fight. Bloody cowardly idiots. If we leave it up to them, we're all dead."

Ron leaned on his knees. "Right. So how are we doing this then?"

* * *

The rest of the school had gone to lunch, but Harry, Ron, and Hermione were busy packing their things into her little beaded purse. It had an undetectable expansion charm on it as well as a featherlight charm, and a good thing about the latter, too, because it was as big as a small house in there, and Hermione had nearly filled it to the brim with books and supplies. Handy, that. 

Harry looked woefully at his worn, hand-me-down clothing. "Merlin. I need new things."

"Why haven't you ever bought them, Harry?" Hermione scowled at the lot. "These aren't even _ close _to your size."

"It's all Dudley's old things. And I haven't bought new because I can't. I only get a small monthly allowance and one trip to Gringotts a year or so. Dumbledore keeps my key the rest of the time."

Ron squawked, "What? But he can't _ do _ that, not unless he's your magical guardian. It's _ your _vault. And especially with you being the heir to the Potter lordship and the last of the line, you should have full access anyway. How else are you to handle the affairs of your estate?"

Harry scowled. "I reckon Dumbledore's been 'handling things' just fine while he dangled me like a goddamn carrot in front of Voldemort's nose."

"That's theft, Harry," said Hermione, eyes blazing. "If he's been using your estate to serve his own interests without ever consulting you, he's stealing." A wicked smile crossed her face. "And it just so happens that goblins _ hate _thieves. If we tell them all this, they'll have you emancipated on the spot. Which would not only allow you access to your vault, but in being declared a legal adult, you can use magic over the summer, too."

"Which means we would all be free to do as we like," said Harry with a grin. "Well, Ron has a couple more weeks, but we can manage that."

Hermione sighed. "Yes, but it's going to be tough to hide. Especially from Dumbledore."

"And Mum," Ron added.

Harry floated his raggedy clothing into Hermione's bag just in case their plans didn't go as hoped. "So what? Do we just keep moving? Make it harder to track us?"

"It's about all we can do, but even with that, I still think—"

A house elf popped into the room with a folded piece of parchment, and Hermione gave a little squeak of surprise.

"Er, hello," said Harry to the little female elf. "Er, what's your name?"

"Hippa, Master Potter. I has a letter for you."

Harry reached for it. 

"Wait. We need to check it first." Hermione held him back and cast several spells at the parchment, stunning the elf. "Okay. It's clear. Sorry, Hippa. We can't be too careful with Harry's life, you know."

Harry snorted but didn't correct her. Not where an unknown elf might hear. 

He took the letter and smiled. "Thanks, Hippa."

"Thanks for Hippa?" She wailed. "Oh, you is just as good as Master Snape."

Ron choked. "Er… yeah. Just as good." He boggled at a dumbstruck Harry, who shrugged.

"Um, thanks, Hippa. I'll just… read this now?"

She bowed and popped away, still sniffling.

"As _ good _ as Snape?" Ron scoffed. "What kind of butterbeer has _ she _ been getting into?"

"Maybe he's nicer to elves," said Hermione with a shrug. "Or maybe they're so used to being abused, simple manners seem like exorbitant kindnesses."

"Because Snape has _ those _in abundance."

Harry tuned out their argument, mind churning over Hippa and what her appearance meant. He had no answers as to Snape's supposed thing for house elves, but her appearance had triggered… something in his mind. 

"—And they just do whatever people tell them to, just like that! You don't think it's unfair?"

Ron groaned. "Hermione, for Merlin's sake, not _ now_. We're in the middle of a life or death crisis here. Do you think we could maybe put the plight of house elves away, just for a _ minute_, so we can pack and get the hell out before Dumbledore catches on?"

Hermione blushed. "Oh. Fair enough." She sighed and sorted Ron's socks into neat pairs with a flick of her wand. "For all the good it will do. I'm sure we'll be found. If only there was a way to ward a hideout that Dumbledore couldn't find."

Harry stared at the parchment he still hadn't opened, an idea forming in the back of his mind. _ "And they do whatever people tell them to…." _Hmm.

"I might know how," said Harry, "but for the moment, let's hurry and pack before the others get back." They hadn't time for another argument over house elf rights anyway.

"All right, but shouldn't you see what's in that letter, mate?" Ron grimaced. "The old goat might already be onto us."

Harry winced and opened the parchment. He _ did _recognize the handwriting, but….

"It's not Dumbledore, it's Snape."

"_Snape_?" Ron pushed in close. "Budge over. What's he saying, mate?" He squinted at the letter. "Merlin, I can't make heads or tails of his scribbling. Just bloody like that Prince of yours."

Harry snorted. "It's an acquired skill, I reckon."

"Well, go on, then," said Hermione. "What does he want?"

"Probably to tell Harry he'll be expelled before morning." Ron smirked. "Joke's on him, eh?"

Harry shook his head. "Not if we don't get a bloody move on. They'll be back soon, and you know we won't have a better opportunity to escape for a long time."

"Right," said Hermione. "In that case, I'm going to keep packing. You read your love note."

"Oh I'm sure that's _exactly_ what it is," Harry muttered, but he did read it.

And folded it in bemused silence when he had finished.

Ron nudged him. "Well?"

"Er… it's a detention schedule. Three nights a week for two weeks."

Hermione dropped the book she had been levitating into the bag. "_Detention_? After what you told us happened, I was positive he would want to see you boiled in oil."

"Wouldn't do him much good," said Ron.

Harry shuddered. "As it would still hurt like bloody hell, let's just avoid boiling cauldrons of oil anyway, yeah?"

Ron grimaced. "Fair enough. What do you make of that then? Why detention?"

Harry thought of the scene in the office and sighed. "I… I don't think everything is what it appears to be on the surface. I don't think he was seeing me at all towards the end. I think he was seeing…." He looked away. "Someone else."

"Like who?"

Harry shook his head. "I can't say. It… it's just not right to. But rest assured, Snape's been hurt before, and _ badly_. I don't know all of the story, but… I don't think he was seeing me when he got so angry. I don't think he meant to hurt _ me_."

"Merlin," Hermione breathed. "He still shouldn't have done it, but…."

Harry stared at the detention schedule. "Yeah. He's still an arse, but I don't think he's a monster. At least, not anymore."

Ron shook his head. "You two are barmy. And we don't have time to waste on this anyway. Come on, mate. Burn that and let's get packing."

Harry considered burning it, but… this was from his mate. Proof that Snape was at least a human being with a soul, even if he hated Harry with every fibre of his being. Maybe it _ was _barmy—it was just a ruddy detention schedule, but the note at the beginning…. 

> _ "I apologise for my behaviour this morning, Mister Potter. It was in no way appropriate for a professor to speak to a student in such a manner, and I should never have laid a hand on you with intent to harm. If you are in need of medical care, you should report to the Infirmary immediately. Your doting fans will wait. Your detentions, until you heal completely, will consist of writing lines, so come prepared to write." _

It wasn't much of an apology, but after six years of none at all, it meant something to Harry. He tucked the note in the Prince's book and packed it in with the last of his things.

Hermione gave him an understanding smile and set the book on one of her in-purse shelves with care. "Right. Is that the last of it, then?"

Ron tossed in a bag of chocolate frogs. "It is now." He plucked three frogs off the top and shared them with his friends. "One for old times' sake?"

Harry sat on his bed, and Ron and Hermione snuggled into his sides. He wrapped his wings around them and watched his frog hop about until the charm faded. Merlin, but he would hate to leave this place behind.

Still, at least he wouldn't have to face the world outside of Hogwarts' walls alone. Not this time.

* * *

Harry, Ron, and Hermione had pretended to dress for the ball to avoid suspicion. Harry had on a comfortable tee under his dress robe and carried a heavy coat, scarf, hat, and gloves either on his arm or stuffed in his pockets. Thus arrayed, he turned to face his friends for the last time, at least as their dormmate.

Dean straightened his tie and held out his arms. "Well, how do I look?" 

He had chosen to honour his Muggle heritage and wore a sharp grey suit with a red tie. Only the wizarding pocketwatch in his lapel pocket, his coming-of-age gift from his dad, announced his status as a wizard. It would draw the purebloods' ire, no doubt, but Harry loved him all the more for being brave enough to wear it anyway.

"Damn, Dean. Shame you're straight, you know."

Dean gave him a lopsided grin. "So are you."

Neville looked over from where he was straightening Seamus' waistcoat for him. "_Are _you straight, Harry? I had the impression that… well… maybe I was wrong."

Harry bit his lip.

"S'all right, mate," said Seamus. "None of us are, well, you know, but we aren't going to hurt ye if ye are."

Neville nodded. "Yeah."

Harry knew it was a risk, but damn it, these were his brothers. If he couldn't trust them, who _ could _he trust?

And after tonight, he wouldn't see them again for a long time. It felt… right to tell them. To give them this little piece of himself before the war took them down separate paths. Gods, he would miss them.

He sighed and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Er… yeah. I'm gay."

Dean knocked his shoulder, and Harry hurriedly moved his glamoured wing out of the way. "Anyone in particular you've got your eye on? Maybe we can scout him out for you."

Harry blinked hard and gave him a wobbly smile. "Thanks. No, not really. I just know girls don't do it for me. I've got to get the war behind me before I can even think about dating anyway. It's just too dangerous."

He wouldn't be there for them to help him, and his mate hated him anyway. 

He swallowed hard. "Thanks, you lot. For accepting me. I… I'm glad you're my friends."

And fuck, he would miss them so much. He let his 'coming out' moment act as the excuse for his shaky voice and too-wet eyes, and returned hugs from them all.

"Hey, no need to get all teary-eyed, Harry." Neville patted his back. "We've all been through too much not to be friends now."

"Aye," Seamus said with a blush. "I was a duffer last year. Won't make that mistake again."

"Thanks," Harry said with a sniffle. He wiped his eyes hard before they could see his strange tears. "No hard feelings, Seamus. I'm just glad it's over now. We—"

The clock struck seven.

"Shite," said Dean. "We're late. Hurry up, you big oaf," he called to Ron, who was still in the loo.

"Go on without us," Ron said. "We'll catch up."

The others waved and left the dorm, and Ron came out of the loo with a shaky sigh. "Sorry, mate." He wiped his eyes, too. "I didn't have coming out as an excuse to cover my arse."

"Yeah."

Harry leaned against Ron's shoulder and ran his hand over his Gryffindor scarf. It was real. They were really leaving Hogwarts for good. Their belongings were packed, their animals forewarned of the move. They had told their owls earlier in the evening to follow them that night. Hermione would have Dobby bring Crookshanks as soon as they were settled. There was nothing left to do but leave.

Gods, in spite of all the hell he had lived through within these walls, he would miss this place dearly.

Ron sighed and stood tall. "Well, nothing for it, mate. Time to go."

"Yeah, but… hold on." 

The set of dark blue robes the twins had picked out for Ron in fifth year, lengthened twice with Hermione's spellwork to cover his lanky frame, already needed to be let out again. "_Recoquo Vestitus_. There. Now you look good enough to eat."

Ron snorted. "We've had this discussion, mate. I know I'm irresistible and all that, but keep your cock well away from my block, thanks."

Harry laughed. "Wanker. You know, it's sad. You're my best friend, you know I'm never going to get my mate, and you won't even give me a pity shag."

"It's a cruel world for the Chosen One, isn't it?"

Harry's snort held no trace of mirth. "Damn straight."

Ron gave him a sad smile. "I would, you know. If it wasn't for 'Mione. You'd be the only one I ever trusted enough to… you know, if I wasn't completely in love with her."

Harry grabbed Ron into an honest hug. "I know. I'm really glad you're with me. You and 'Mione. I couldn't have faced it alone and stayed sane."

Ron sniffled and patted his back. "What're sidekicks for?"

Harry chuckled and wiped his eyes. "Sorry about that. What do you say we go pick up your girl and bust out of here, Gred and Forge style?"

"Probably wise to go with a few less fireworks," said Ron with a smirk. "As we're going incognito and all."

"Pity. Well, we can take comfort in the fact that Snape will set off several in our honour once he works out I won't be coming to detention."

Ron snickered. "Shame we won't be here to see his face. Anyway, let's go before 'Mione charges the stairs."

"Get your coat and such."

"Yes, Mum."

"Merlin forbid."

Ron laughed and summoned his winter gear. He tucked and draped it in a similar manner to Harry and motioned to the stairs. 

"Well, now or never, I guess."

Harry took one last look at the room, whispered a goodbye to his friends and Hogwarts, then turned his back on his childhood with a sigh. It hurt to leave this all behind, but it was time to grow up. He had a war to fight.

Hermione waited for them at the base of the stairs, eyes glimmering with unshed tears. Her pink gown floated around her like clouds, and she had used that sleek-eazy stuff on her hair again. She was beautiful, and judging by Ron's sharp intake of breath, Harry wasn't the only one to see it.

"Merlin, 'Mione," Ron said, cheeks glowing red. "You're gorgeous!"

"Took you long enough to notice," she quipped, but her cheeks had flushed and her eyes were bright.

Ron rubbed the back of his neck. "Er… it did at that, but I've got it now, haven't I? I hope."

She chuckled and laced her arm through his. "A perfect gentleman. _ Finally_. Now you, Harry!"

She held out her other arm, and Harry laughed. 

"We won't fit through the portrait hole like that."

Hermione chuckled. "Suit yourself." She led Ron through the portrait hole, Harry lagging behind and mentally wishing everything and everyone goodbye. The fat lady eyed them as they stepped through.

"Running a bit late, are we?"

Harry chuckled. "All my fault, I'm afraid. Took us _ hours _to wrangle this mop into something semi presentable, and at the end of all that work, it still looks like a bird's nest."

The fat lady cocked her head. "Try a little olive oil and rosemary in your shampoo. It worked for me anyway."

"Can't hurt to try it. Thank you, ma'am." _ 'For everything you did for us.' _ He blinked hard. "Well, off we go then. Goodbye."

"Have a lovely evening, children." She waved, and Harry pushed her shut for the last time. The click as the portrait hole closed sounded louder than it should have in the quiet left behind.

Ron and Hermione both had tears in their eyes, too.

"So this is it, yeah?" Ron sniffled and rubbed his eyes. "Didn't think it would come so soon."

"Me neither," Hermione said. "I thought we would at least have the rest of this year."

Harry wrapped his wings and arms around his chest. "I'm sorry."

"Oh, don't be silly. I'm glad to be going with you. We both are. It's just tough to say goodbye."

Harry nodded and offered her his arm. "Together?"

"Always, mate," said Ron. "Now, which way are we going? You said you had an idea, Hermione?"

She nodded. "The Room. Come on."

Harry walked beside her to the Room of Requirement and stepped inside. It opened to what looked like a stable.

"Ah, it worked!" Hermione grinned. "Come on then, change into your coats. And turn around so I can put on a more sensible top."

Ron's eyes glazed. "Y-yeah. Change… you… do that."

"Wanker." Harry physically turned Ron around and tossed the boy's coat over his head. "Get dressed. We're on the clock now."

Ron extricated his head and grumbled, but obeyed. 

Harry had to spell his tops and coats on now that he had wings, so he finished long before the others. He gave Hermione a minute or two before calling, "You ready, Hermione?"

"Er… almost. Just… these bloody ruffles."

Harry listened to her curse and fight with her dress, suppressing a grin, until Hermione called, "Ready! Finally! Merlin, those dresses are bloody ridiculous."

Ron smoothed a bit of hair her clothes had ruffled. "Still gorgeous without it."

She beamed. "Thank you. Now, give me your robes, gentlemen…."

They passed her their dress robes, and Hermione sent both sets into her beaded bag with a flick of her wand. "Right. That's that. Now, bundle up, put an _ Impervius _charm on your glasses, Harry, and come outside."

Ron blinked. "Outside?"

Hermione grinned. "I told the Room to put us in the thestral stables. It's still on the grounds, so…."

"That's brilliant!"

Harry grinned. "Well done. Let's see if it worked."

"We can walk under your cloak if it didn't," said Hermione, "but this way I figured we would bypass any wards or alarms on the doors and the gates, and we could avoid the portraits."

Harry opened the door to the outside world and grinned at the sight of snow on the ground and a herd of thestrals hanging about nearby.

"Brilliant, 'Mione," he said and stepped into the paddock.


	9. In Plain Sight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the chapter count jumped a lot. I'm writing this as I post, but that number should be pretty close to accurate. I have this just about fully drafted.

#  **Chapter 9**

##  _ In Plain Sight _

Harry landed in a park inside the Wizarding side of Diagon Alley, cold, stiff, and achy, but free and alive. Hermione removed their disillusionment charms and glamoured their faces, then opened her bag. 

"Hogwarts gear in here, boys. We can't be seen as students anymore."

Removing his Gryffindor scarf, tied over a sensible charcoal grey one, gave Harry a pang. He handed it to her and watched as she sent it flying to sit with Harry's things. She repeated the process with Ron's and her own, then closed her bag with a sigh. 

"Goodbye, Hogwarts." She slung the bag over her shoulder and gave them a weary smile. "Well, we're free. Sort of."

Harry patted the neck of his thestral. "Go on home once you've had a rest. We won't be needing a ride back. Thank you for your help."

The thestrals bickered, nuzzled the teens' faces, and took flight.

"Guess they were missing home already," said Ron.

Harry kicked the ground. "I know the feeling."

Hermione rubbed his shoulder. "Come on. I've enough to put us up in the Leaky for the night and get us breakfast, then we'll set out in the morning. You said you know where we're going, Harry?"

"Well, not precisely _ where_, but I know _ how_. I'm too worn out to worry about it tonight, though. Let's just grab some dinner somewhere—I have enough for that at least—and hit the sack."

Hermione nodded. "There's a new Chinese place near Eeylops, or so Mum said. Want to try it?"

"Sounds good to me, as long as it's not too expensive."

Ron grunted agreement, and they set off for the restaurant. 

* * *

The next day, Harry woke piled in with a friend on either side, his wings aching a bit from being used for blankets all night. He groaned and wriggled free. 

"Ow. That's the last time I sleep in the middle."

Hermione sat up and rubbed her eyes. She was still wearing her jumper from the night before, though she had on a pair of track shorts instead of her trousers. "Mm. I slept fairly well, considering. Did we hurt your wings?"

"I think it's more from an awkward position being stuck in the middle." Harry stretched them out, drawing a gasp from Hermione.

"Oh, your wings are lovely, Harry! I didn't realise you had such a span."

"Well, they have to be big enough to haul me into the air, don't they? Otherwise, what's the point?"

"They're comfy," Ron muttered. "Com'ere and bring back the warmth."

Harry snorted. "No thanks. Not so comfy for me. Besides, they'll _ expect _us to come to Diagon Alley. We've got to get me emancipated and get the hell out of here before we're caught."

"Fair enough. Did someone mention breakfast?"

"You think with your stomach first, Ron," said Hermione with a snort, "and your brain last."

Ron waggled his eyebrows. "And we all know what's in the middle."

"Prat!" Hermione smacked him with her pillow, making them all laugh.

Harry chuckled. "I'm glad this is still the same, even if we're not at school anymore."

"_This _ will never change. Now go get dressed and brush your teeth, then we will, and once we're all freshened up, we'll go get breakfast and get you emancipated." She narrowed her eyes. "You _ are _going to tell us your ideas on keeping us hidden then, right? The confusion of the dance will probably give us maybe another couple of hours of cover, but then we're going to have to dash to stay ahead of them."

Harry grimaced. "Better make breakfast quick, then. We still need a tent and food and such."

"First thing on the list once you're emancipated. Now, get moving."

"All right, all right."

Harry locked himself into the loo, grabbed his toothbrush, and brushed away.

* * *

After breakfast, Harry checked his watch and grimaced. Classes would start any minute. Their time was up.

He told Tom they had some last-minute packing up to do, then they would be on their way. Ron and Hermione exchanged a bemused look and followed Harry upstairs.

Harry paced the floor, thinking. "I need at least two I can trust. One to hide us and one to block _ them_. I can't trust that treacherous little shite, so I need two more."

Dobby and…? The image of a house elf sobbing and hiccupping into a butterbeer came to mind. Winky. Would having a new family pull her out of her slump? 

He supposed it couldn't hurt to try.

"Dobby," he called.

The house elf showed up in his usual odd getup, this time with heart stickers all over his jumper. Dobby cocked his head and stared at Harry, eyes narrowed, and Harry remembered he was under glamours.

"It's me, Dobby. Harry. It's too dangerous at school right now, so we had to leave before we're killed."

Dobby gasped and jumped back. "I is knowing it was you, Great Master Harry Potter, sir. I is just wondering why you is not in class, but… Dobby is sad to hear that you is in danger."

"Yeah. It was hard to leave, but we had to."

He dropped to one knee. "Listen, Dobby, we need help. Can you promise me you won't tell _ anyone _where we are? Not even Dumbledore or our families? It's crucial that absolutely no one knows where we are."

"Dobby can do that. I promise not to be telling anyone where Harry or his friends are, unless you say I can."

"Good, thank you."

Harry waited for the customary emotional outburst to quiet and made a mental note not to thank Dobby again until they were safe, or out of Diagon Alley at least.

"Okay, now, Dobby, I need your help, if you can do it. Ron, Hermione, and I are about to leave Diagon Alley and set up elsewhere, but we need to stay hidden from everyone we don't specifically approve of. Can house elves ward us in like that? So well that even Dumbledore can't track us?"

"Harry!"

He ignored Hermione's reproachful tone. This wasn't the time to deal with her spew rubbish.

"Dobby can't, Master Harry Potter, sir. You is needing a bonded elf for wards that strong."

"A bonded elf could do it, though?"

"Harry, no," Hermione pleaded. He shot her a quelling look.

Dobby nodded. "If they is being loyal. I is not trusting your traitor elf to do it right."

Harry grimaced. "No, neither do I." He prepared himself for another tirade. "Dobby, I know you enjoy your freedom, and I won't ask you to give it up—"

"I is doing so gladly to help you survive, Master Harry."

Harry patted his head. "I know you would. You're a good friend."

Dobby wailed and hugged his knee. "Thank you, Master Harry, sir!"

He patted the elf's back. "I don't want to ask you to give up your freedom, but… Dobby, do you suppose if I offered Winky a home—"

"Harry! How could y—"

Ron interjected, "Hermione, _ stop_. We keep telling you you've got house elves all wrong. Now is the time to _ listen _and let Harry save our arses before none of us live long enough to help the house elves, or anyone at all!"

Hermione subsided with a dark glare and a sniffle. Harry knew they hadn't heard the end of it, but if he could at least buy them some time, then it was worth dealing with her sulking later.

"If I offered Winky a home, Dobby," Harry went on, "do you think I could trust her to keep us safe? Would she be happier with a new family?"

Dobby gave Hermione a glare. "You is being understanding house elves much better than Miss Fluffy."

Hermione squawked. "_Fluffy_?"

Harry barely suppressed a snort. "Er… I try to listen to what you want. Anyway, could we trust her? Help her?"

Dobby nodded. "House elves—well, except Dobby—house elves is needing a bonded family to be happy, Master Harry, sir. Winky is drinking because she is being lonely and hurting, but I think she is being loyal to you."

Harry sighed in relief. "Bring her here. Tell her someone wants to give her a home but don't say who."

Dobby popped away. While he was gone, Harry summoned Kreacher and interrupted his growling and muttering. 

"Listen here, Kreacher. This is how it is going to be. You don't have to like me. You don't have to work for me. But you _ do _have to be loyal to me and protect my safety and that of my allies. Any further attempts to circumvent your orders or betray us will end your service to the house of Black. You will be given clothes and turned out with dishonour, do you understand?"

"Harry," Hermione said, voice breaking, "what are you _ doing_?"

"Do you _ understand_, Kreacher?" Harry took off a sock and dangled it in front of the elf. "Your betrayal cost me my godfather. I am not bluffing. I have no use for a traitor in my service. Are you going to be loyal from here on out, or are you going to be disowned and turned out on the streets?"

Huge tears bubbled on Kreacher's lashes and dropped to the floor. He bowed his head and wailed. "I is being loyal, just please, master, no clothes!" 

Harry put his sock back on and soothed the old elf with gentle healing light and pats on the back. "Okay. It's all right. As long as you don't try to hurt us anymore, you can stay. Just don't betray me again."

Kreacher sobbed and nodded. "Kreacher is doing master's will."

"You can do what you like, but you're not to speak to anyone about us at all except for me, Hermione, Ron, Dobby, or Winky."

Kreacher's ears drooped. "Yes, Master."

"Good. Keep those orders or else, Kreacher. I mean it."

"Y-yes, sir."

"All right. Go back to tracking Malfoy. No communication with him or his goons or anyone on the dark side whatsoever."

Kreacher bowed. "Yes, master."

"Go on."

Kreacher popped away and Harry rubbed his face. "Gods. Hermione, that was as pleasant for me as it was for you, but I had to do it to keep us safe. I'm sorry."

"Don't be," said Ron. "You had to."

"Yeah. I—"

Winky showed up with Dobby then, eyes huge and shining with hope and tears. "You is giving Winky a home, Master Harry? You is offering Winky a familial bond?"

Harry nodded and patted her head. "I need an elf to hide us from everyone and help us while we fight a war. Can you do that for me?"

"It's slavery," Hermione sobbed. "Don't. Please."

"Hermione, ask her what she wants. Ask her if she wants a home or to be free."

"They don't understand, Harry!"

"No, Miss Fluffy," said Dobby fiercely. "Is you who is not understanding. Dobby is able to be free because he is a quarter goblin, but full house elves like Winky fade without a home. You say she is free now but she is not. She is hurting, and you is wanting them all to suffer!"

Hermione gasped. "I-I don't want to hurt you. I'm trying to _ help _you."

"Then you is needing to listen to what we need," said Winky with a scowl. "You is terrifying my friends with your hats. We is calling you the homebreaker, because you is trying so hard to make us homeless and alone."

"B-but, Winky, if you're free, you don't have to take orders, and you can dress how you like, and—"

"Hermione," said Ron, "you're not getting it. She's talking about a _ biological _ thing, not the mental pain of being afraid. Freedom according to your standards is literally killing her. She's _ not human_, Hermione, and you can't expect her to be."

"Yes, exactly," said Dobby. "Master Ron is understanding. House elves is not _ able _to be free. And you is needing to learn that and change your ways, Miss Fluffy, if you is wanting to help."

"We is not always having a good life and we is knowing it," said Winky, "but breaking our bonds is not helping us."

Hermione lowered her head. "Oh. I-I see. Then… okay. I… I'll try to listen better, Winky, Dobby. It just hurts me to see you suffering."

"We is not the ones to blame for that," said Dobby, and immediately started bashing his head into the table. 

Harry caught him into a hug. "You're right. It's not your fault, and Hermione is going to listen from now on, isn't she?"

Hermione slumped in defeat. "Yes. I promise."

"Good. Now, let's get this bond done while we still have time." Harry turned to Winky. "Tell me what to do, please."

Winky bowed, and the bond begun


	10. Free and Clear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Off to the bank, where strange secrets lie in wait for Harry and crew, and to a new home.

#  **Chapter 10**

##  _ Free and Clear _

Once Harry bonded Winky into the Potter family, the elf happily took one of Harry's pillowcases to replace her tattered dress. Then, Harry asked her if there were any kinds of clothing he could offer her without making her lose her home.

Winky frowned. "Master cannot be giving me human-made clothes without breaking the bond, but if you is giving me fabric or fibres and supplies, Winky can be making her own to wear and not be losing her home."

"Can you? Brilliant. Will giving you laundry break your bonds?"

"If it is human-made."

"So you really need to make your own clothes, and maybe ours, too." 

A wistful look filled both elves' eyes.

"It is being what house elves is best at," said Dobby, "but no one is remembering."

"Huh. So you like to make clothes then? Both of you?"

Winky nodded sadly. "Is being our favourite thing."

Harry smiled. "Well, it just so happens that almost all of my clothes are rubbish, and Ron probably wouldn't object to a wardrobe update as a favour to you, since you enjoy it so much. And to me, so I don't need to worry about him catching his death." He shot Ron a look that silenced the redhead's protests and pride.

The house elves looked at Ron with huge, pleading eyes, too, and Ron winced. 

"Oh no, not the puppy dog eyes!"

Winky blinked. "Puppy…?" She looked at Dobby.

"Dobby is not understanding either."

Harry snorted. "Seriously, Ron, don't worry about it. I need support, you give me support. You need clothes, I'm giving you clothes. It's just the way friendship works."

Ron pouted. "It's a lot of money."

Harry gave him a wide-eyed, pleading look.

"Bloody hell, not you, too!" Ron huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. "Oh, all right. I know when I'm out-flanked. If you elves really enjoy sewing so much, I suppose I _ could _use an update."

The elves squealed in delight.

Harry grinned. "Thanks, Ron. And, Winky, Dobby, I'll be happy to buy you loads of different fabrics and supplies so you can keep us, and yourselves, in good clothes." He frowned. "Is it bad to pay you for them? We would pay a human, but your kind don't seem to like it."

Winky shook her head adamantly. "No pay. I is wanting a family, not an employer."

Harry rubbed his chin. "I see. So if we pay you, it's like saying we don't care about you as family, but only as servants."

Winky nodded, eyes wide. "You is right. Most humans is not understanding."

Harry dropped his glamours. "I'm not human. I'm a Sunguard."

Dobby and Winky shared a wide-eyed look.

"A human of light!" 

Winky nodded tearfully. "Maybe it is finally being time."

Dobby grinned. "Master Harry is being the best master Dobby ever has met. I think you is right."

Winky wiped her eyes. "We is knowing soon." She smiled and bowed to Harry. "I is being happy to make your clothing, master, and for your friends, too—"

"Not me," Hermione snapped. "I won't support this exercise in slave labour."

Harry rubbed his forehead. "Hermione, come off it. I'm not treating her like a slave and you know it."

She huffed and turned away.

"Just clothes for me and Ron and our elves then. Dobby, you can help too, if you like. Just try to… er… tone it down, yeah? Maybe ask Winky about patterns and styles, okay? We don't usually like to wear things that are really bright or flashy."

"Especially with us being on the run," said Ron. "We need to blend in as much as possible for safety's sake."

"You can still wear whatever you like though, Dobby." Harry grinned. "And I like your socks. They're brilliant."

"Same here, mate," said Ron with a chuckle. "Feel free to make us plenty of your favourites."

Dobby gave him a tearful smile. "Dobby is doing his best!"

"I know you will." Harry stood. "Okay. Winky, can you please make it so no one can recognize or find us? I'll need at least one goblin to know who I am, but no one else except us and Kreacher."

"Yes, Master, Winky is doing it right now. You is needing your wizard glamours on again first, though."

Harry gave Hermione the puppy dog eyes, too. She huffed and reapplied his glamours. 

"Thanks, 'Mione. I know you hate it, but I'm trying to treat her well, and it really is the only hope we have."

Hermione relented with a sigh. "I know you won't abuse them. I just… I want them to be free."

"We is house elves, Miss Hermione, not humans," said Winky. "Freedom for us is not being the same as for you."

"But—"

"Later, Hermione," Ron said. "We need to get out of Diagon Alley first."

"Yeah." Harry looked to his new elf. "We're ready, Winky."

She snapped her fingers, and cool water rushed over Harry, though it left him dry and didn't hinder his breathing. He gasped and shivered a little.

"Ooh, that felt strange. Are we ready to go then, Winky?"

"Yes, Master Harry. You is being protected now."

"Brilliant. Thank you, Winky. Now, first Gringotts, then shopping. Winky, while we're at the bank, if you'll make us a list of everything you need to make us new wardrobes, keeping in mind that we won't be going to formal affairs for some time and we need to lie low, we'll buy it all when we're done. Well, assuming we can get me emancipated."

"Actually, mate," said Ron, "we'll have to go to one formal do. Bill and Fleur are getting married this summer, and on the run or not, I need to be there for my brother."

Harry nodded. "One formal set apiece then, and we might as well make it something we can wear again to other functions. Not too fancy, you know. Ron and I aren't big on frills."

Ron shot him a pained look. "Did you really need to bring _ that _up?"

Harry smirked. "No more lace collars for you, right, Winky?"

Winky beamed. "Right!"

Ron grinned. "Thank Merlin!"

* * *

The goblins were _ furious _when they learned that Harry's magical guardian and 'executor' had not only assumed control of Harry's Wizengamot seats, his lordship, and his vaults without ever consulting Harry, but had also abducted him and placed him in an abusive home without following any approved adoption procedures. They emancipated Harry immediately and asked if he would like to press charges.

Harry considered it. Merlin knew the arsehole deserved it, but said arsehole was also the only thing between Voldemort and Hogwarts. People would die if Dumbledore went to Azkaban now.

"Not at this time. Am I able to press charges later, after the war?"

The goblin nodded. "You have five years to come forward. After that, the case is considered abandoned and is placed in records. You may still be able to press charges later as you have a legitimate excuse for waiting, but it will be more difficult and a longer process."

"Thank you."

"Not at all, Mister Potter. Now, have you decided which property to use while you are undercover?"

Harry wrinkled his nose. "I haven't had much chance to look. We were planning on getting a tent and roughing it."

"For _ months_?"

"Er…." Harry grimaced. "Yeah, now that you mention it, that's not ideal. We'll come back after we've had a chance to look at the list, then."

Goldclaw pushed a pair of golden spectacles up his nose. "If I may make a recommendation?"

Harry glanced to his friends.

"Go for it, Harry," Ron said. "Goblins know their stuff, and they don't betray paying clients."

Goldclaw acknowledged the comment with a nod.

"All right," said Harry. "What did you have in mind?"

Goldclaw pointed to a place halfway down the page-long list of estates under the Potter-Peverell mantle. "This, I think, would be ideal for three young warriors who need to lie low. It is a three bedroom cabin in the Forest of Dean."

Hermione interjected, "I know where that is. I can apparate us there if we decide to go with it." At the goblin's sharp look, Hermione blushed. "Oh! Sorry, sir. Do go on, please."

Goldclaw nodded. "As I was saying, it is situated near the middle of the forest, well out of the way of prying eyes. It has a basement potions lab, a fenced garden, orchard, and greenhouse, and a large parlour that could easily be converted into a training area."

Harry beamed. "That sounds brilliant. Is there room for house elves to have their own space, and is it warded?"

"It is warded with simple heritage wards. You will need to update and strengthen them. Your house elves can do that with ease. How many will be living there?"

"One certainly, potentially up to three."

"In that case, there should be enough room to create a living area in the attic." The goblin eyed him curiously. "Most humans do not concern themselves with where their house elves sleep."

"I'm not most humans, then."

Goldclaw smiled, or what passed for it with his race. "Indeed. Will you be using the cabin?"

"Yes, it sounds perfect."

"Excellent. We shall key Gringotts into the wards while you are purchasing supplies. Do you wish to add anyone else?"

"No. Not at this time."

"The Ministry, for correspondence only?"

"_Definitely_ not."

"Very well. We shall ensure it is ready for habitation before you arrive. The apparition coordinates are on the list."

"Thank you, sir."

"You are most welcome."

* * *

Upon arriving at his family vault, Harry realised Dumbledore had wanted him kept ignorant. Besides the piles of galleons hidden away, they found books of all sorts there, including books on soul magic and defence. There was even a small library of books on beings. 

Maybe the answers to Harry's blood problems had been sitting here all along.

After fuming at the old man's stupidity for a good twenty minutes, Harry buckled down and helped his friends pack the entire library, plus a few enchanted heirlooms with protective charms, into Hermione's bag. They would probably need bookshelves in every room at the cabin, but by gods, they wouldn't be fighting blind any longer.

Then, Harry found his parents' wills hidden away in a dark corner, where Dumbledore had no doubt assumed they would remain unseen until they no longer mattered.

Harry found his dad's will first and scanned it. He would have to ask Goldclaw if the properties and items on it had been given out properly, but everything looked in order to him. 

Until he reached the addendum at the bottom of the third page. The codicil concerning custody of Harry in the event of his parents' death, in particular. That, most certainly, had been ignored.

"In the case of my early demise," Harry read out loud, "I, James Fleamont Potter, grant custody of Harry James Potter, my only child at the time of this writing, to Lily Evans Potter. If she should follow me in death or otherwise become unable to care for him before Harry is of age, I then grant custody of Harry to his godfather, Sirius Arcturus Black. Should Sirius perish or be unable to care for him, my preferred list of caretakers is as follows: Remus Edward Lupin, Peter Mordred Pettigrew… ugh. And… _ what the hell_?"

Ron and Hermione came barrelling over.

"What? What is it?" Hermione tried to read over his shoulder.

Harry stared at the words, hardly comprehending what he had just read. This… this made no sense whatsoever.

"I… Severus Tobias Snape. Dad wanted _ Snape _to raise me if the others couldn't."

"Oh my god," Hermione breathed. "But… I thought…?"

"That Snape hated my father? He did. With a damn good reason, too. Shite, this… it can't be real, can it?"

Hermione shrugged. "Who knows. Obviously it wasn't followed. Perhaps it _ is _ a fake."

"Must be," said Ron, "but… if it is, it's a damn good one. That's the official Ministry seal for witnessed documents there at the bottom. I mean, he _ could _have forged it, but…."

Harry shook his head and put the will back. "It can't be real. There's just no way."

Hermione took the will from him. "Then don't worry about it. Does your mum's seem legitimate?"

"I haven't looked yet." Harry picked up the documents, skimmed the irrelevant sections, and focused on her list for custody of himself. "Let's see. Should I suffer the fate I know awaits me and meet an early demise… oh gods. She _ knew_?"

Hermione rubbed his shoulders. "Maybe they just… because they had to go into hiding and all…?"

Harry nodded and blinked hard. "Maybe." He took a deep breath and read on. "I, Lily Anne Potter, nee Evans, grant custody of my only son at the time of this writing to…."

He trailed off, shock ringing through him for what seemed like the hundredth time that day.

"What, mate?" Ron nudged him. "What's it say?"

"To… to Remus Edward Lupin."

Hermione gasped. "Not your father?"

"That's what it says. And her next choice is… holy _ fuck_! Snape again!"

"Dear gods." Ron gave Harry a mystified look. "There's a hell of a story hidden here, isn't there?"

Harry swallowed a lump in his throat. "Apparently so. After Snape, she lists Mary Macdonald, Frank and Alice Longbottom, and her parents. Under that, there's another codicil.

"Under no condition is custody of my son to be granted to Petunia Evans Dursley and family, Albus Dumbledore, Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black… what? Or… holy shite. Or _ James Potter_? What the fuck was _ happening _in my family?"

Ron shuddered and put the wills down. "Mate, those _ have _to be rubbish. It's just too bloody weird."

"I have to admit, it seems strange to me as well." Hermione bit her lip.

"What?" Harry tossed the rubbish will away with a shudder and gave her a searching look. "What do you know, 'Mione?"

"I don't _ know _ anything. I have no way to prove that those wills aren't fake, but…." She frowned and picked up Lily's. "Have you ever heard the phrase 'truth is stranger than fiction?' If these _ are _false, well, it just seems like people would pick something closer to the truth. These are so unbelievable I'm half afraid they're more likely to be true than otherwise."

A shiver itched at the base of Harry's neck and spread down his limbs. 

"Oh, come off it, 'Mione," said Ron. "Snape was probably just having a go at Harry's dad and the goblins kept it for their records or something. Or they might have never found these prank versions. There's no way these are real."

Hermione frowned. "I suppose it's possible."

Harry shook his head and put them back where he had found them. "I'm with Ron. Those _ have _to be a prank. And either way, we have no time to worry about it. We still have an entire house to furnish and fabric to buy for Winky and Dobby."

Hermione nodded cautiously. "Yes, that… I'm sure you're right." But she frowned as she returned to packing the library. Harry pretended he hadn't seen.

They were just a prank. Probably Sirius having a laugh. Yeah.

He shoved his worries aside and resumed clearing out the shelves.

* * *

After Gringotts supplied them with a second expandable bag for a nominal fee, Harry called Winky and asked for her list. The sheer amount of fabric and odds and ends on it confused the hell out of him, but if it made them happy, he was all for it. Maybe Kreacher would be less grumpy if Harry let him help.

Winky apparated him to a textile and sewing shop for the fabrics and supplies, and Harry loaded what seemed like half the store into their second bag. They set an account up for Winky for owl orders, asked Winky to make sure their names stayed private on the store's records and at the bank, and left with their haul. Winky could hardly stand still, she was so happy. Hermione frowned and smiled at her by turns.

With the clothing situation taken care of, they spent several hours filling their bag with furniture, linens, dishes, and everything else they could think of to outfit a new home for habitation. By the time they finished shopping, the sun had set. 

Harry dragged himself down the forest path to their new home and forced himself to look up. Oh. Merlin, it was a sweet little place. A rustic log cabin with a red clay roof and ivy climbing the walls. What would be roses come summer decorated the path and front lawn, and fruit trees lined both sides of the yard, though they were only spidery bare branches at the moment. They were a little worse for wear, too, but with some pruning and care, Harry thought they might give a decent harvest. Certainly enough to supplement their meals.

Inside, the place was roomier than it looked from the outside, and everything had a charming rustic flair. The simple furnishings they had chosen, all in solid colors and finished wood, would fit right in. The place would look nothing like Petunia's frilly, flowery, overdone house, but Harry thought that an advantage rather than otherwise.

Petunia's frills and flowers had hidden dark secrets.

"Well, this will be a nice little home once we're done with it." But for tonight, Harry just wanted to drop face-first into the nearest bed and stay there till noon. "Dobby, Winky." 

The elves appeared with happy grins.

"Let's get this place semi-ready for habitation and get some rest."

Not even Hermione had the energy to protest.


	11. Unfaithful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus gets a say, finally.

#  **Chapter 11**

##  _ Unfaithful _

Potter didn't show up for Defence, nor did his devoted lap dogs. Severus assumed he skived off due to his injuries. The other two were likely helping him recover. He took an obligatory twenty points from Gryffindor and went about the lesson without mentioning it again.

But when Potter neither showed up for detention nor reported to the Infirmary that night, Severus' temper got the better of him. The fact that Albus hadn't approached him yet rankled, too. So the old man had made exceptions for Potters again, hmm? Poor little Harry Potter was too good for detention, was he?

To hell with that.

Severus burst into Albus' office thirty minutes into Potter's supposed detention time, half-expecting to find the brat there, weaving his tale of woe. Well, to be fair, Severus _ was _in the wrong for much of what happened yesterday, but whose fault was it again that Severus had never been free to put the past behind him?

Right.

Albus looked up from a stack of paperwork as Severus slammed the door open and stalked inside.

"I _ do _realise, Albus, that you have a propensity to favour the Potter line, but really, this habit of yours is getting old."

"Severus?" The old man blinked several times, one of his few tells revealing surprise, and that surprised Severus. Surely Albus knew by now, didn't he? He always knew.

"I am afraid I haven't the foggiest idea as to what you're referring to." The absence of his thrice-damned twinkle declared it as truth. 

Well. There was a first time for everything, Severus supposed.

He huffed and shut the door. "Do you mean to tell me that Potter _ didn't _ come crying to you after the disastrous conclusion of the _ small _errand you sent him on, yesterday, of all days?"

Albus stared. "I did not send Harry to you yesterday. Indeed, I am not so foolish as to send Harry to you anywhere near Valentine's Day for anything less than a dire emergency."

In retrospect, Severus probably should have thought of that. 

"So you did not send the boy with the intent to resume Occlumency lessons?"

Albus' eyes widened slightly. Damn. It wasn't an act. The old man really had no clue what was going on.

Did that mean Potter _ hadn't _complained? Why? It made no sense. Surely the odious offspring of James Potter would have leapt at the chance to have Severus sacked.

A little voice whispered, _ 'Perhaps, if Harry was anything like James,' _but Severus shut it down hard. He couldn't afford to show any sympathy to a Potter. The last time he had been foolish enough to drop his guard, he had paid for it. Dearly.

"No, Severus, I did not. You proved to me quite thoroughly over the course of his fifth year that you are entirely unable to forgive Harry for sins he never committed."

Rage boiled in Severus' gut. "And whom, old man, do you imagine I should blame for that?"

Albus shuffled the parchment on his desk and put it away without acknowledging Severus' tacit accusation. "What, precisely, happened yesterday to have engendered this unprovoked attack upon my office door, in particular?"

Severus' eyelid twitched. "You shall answer for your cruelty one day, Albus."

"Yes, yes, and you shall be the one to dole out justice for my _ terrible _crimes against humanity. Does that satisfy you?"

Severus occluded against a sharp wave of hurt and anger. Two could play that game.

"Immensely."

Albus' small frown was the only hint that Severus' repartee had hit home. "Then you should have no reason to complain."

"Oh, none whatsoever. Of course, you removed my _ ability _to complain, so there is also that small injustice to consider."

"Severus, you know I had no choice. An innocent would have died."

"Did you forget I was sitting here when you explained your _ noble _reasoning to Poppy, Albus?"

Albus' brow twitched. Point to Severus.

"Nevertheless, it was true then and it is true now that innocents would have died had I allowed you free rein. Saving lives was always my ultimate goal."

"How strange, then, that you should remove my ability to speak on the crimes heaped upon my person yet leave my ability to announce Lupin's creature status to all and sundry intact. It seems to me that if saving lives, Lupin's chief among them, was truly your motivation in silencing me, you would have also protected the truth of his lycanthropy, given that it was the primary reason for your concern in the first place."

Albus gave no sign at all that Severus' statement had affected him, and that was as good of a tell as any.

"You disgust me, old man."

"Well then, you should be pleased that you must only continue these _ charming _little talks of ours for a few months longer. Tea, Severus?"

"No, _ thank you_." Severus would be too tempted to throw it in the old bastard's face. 

"Suit yourself. Now, why exactly did you burst into my office if not to share some of my delicious tea and lemon drops?"

Tea and lemon drops indeed.

"Potter did not report to his detention this evening, nor to class this morning. Granger and Weasley were also absent from class. I assumed it was more of your manipulations in favour of Potters at work."

"Hmm." Albus sipped his tea. "While we are on the topic of strange occurrences, how peculiar it is that Harry and his friends should have missed class this morning, and yet I am only hearing about my disgusting favouritism for his family line now." He picked out a lemon drop and held Severus' gaze as he popped it into his mouth. "I wonder, my dear boy, if I am the only one here tonight with secrets to hide."

Severus snarled, "My secrets are not the issue here, Albus. Where in the nine hells is your precious golden boy?"

There. _ That _would distract the manipulative old goat.

Albus' face turned grim. "A fine question." He summoned a silver gadget from his bookshelf and frowned. "Hmm. He must still be in the castle. The alarms on the exits would have warned me."

Severus sucked in a sharp breath at the tacit implication that Albus had used illegal tracking charms upon a student.

But then, he shouldn't be surprised, should he?

Albus sent the gadget flying back to its shelf. "I think we must assume that whatever you did to engender your uncharacteristic display of sympathy for Harry and his friends this morning has frightened the boy enough to keep him from wishing to endure another dose of your company, but we shall see." He went to the floo and called the Gryffindor head. "Minerva, dear, have you seen Harry today? I have a small matter to discuss with him."

Severus couldn't see the woman with Albus' head in the way, but her derisive snort reassured him that he was not the only person wise to Albus' ploys.

"A small matter! The day you place any small burden upon that boy's shoulders will be a novel one indeed."

"Minerva."

She huffed. "No. I have seen none of them today. I assumed one of them had taken ill and the others were tending to them so as to avoid the Infirmary. Is there reason for concern?"

"Not yet. I will let you know if my own search reveals a problem."

"Humph. I'm sure you will."

Albus ended the call after a hurried goodbye and called for what Severus assumed must be a house elf.

"Dobby."

The elf, if it was an elf, did not appear. Interesting.

Albus' frown deepened. "Kreacher."

Ah, now that name Severus recognised.

Again, nothing happened.

Albus' frown inched towards alarm. "Winky."

Another unfamilar elf name. And another silence greeted their ears.

"Well, this is highly irregular." Albus summoned another gadget and paled. "Oh, this is…." A third object soared into his hands and drained what little colour remained from his features. "Oh, we are…." He dashed to his desk and rummaged in one of the drawers. "Shite."

The uncharacteristic vulgarity put Severus on edge. "What?"

Albus whirled on Severus. "What exactly did you _ do _to him yesterday, Severus?"

Severus stood, bristling at the accusatory tone. "I? I simply refused to teach the brat occlumency again and ordered him out." 

And hurt and threatened the boy, but Albus didn't need to know that, not when he was looking for someone to blame. Severus knew too well how Albus' sense of mercy and justice skewed. 

"Your precious little golden boy is the one who destroyed my office and nearly killed me as a result!"

Albus' eyes turned sharp. "Did he? And what inspired him to such rage?"

"The boy is as unstable as a drunken goblin, and you dare to blame _ me _for his magical outbursts? It is hardly my fault he is a perfect duplicate of his sainted father, and hardly my fault that you are as quick to dismiss the younger generation's crimes as you were for the elder. I—"

"Sit _ down_, Severus!"

The sharp command, shouted in a tone Severus had never heard from the old bastard before, shocked him into compliance. 

"I do not know what you have done to earn Harry's wrath _ this time_, but whatever it was, you have gone too far. Harry is _ gone_, do you understand me? He has somehow managed to slip by the wards undetected and escape Hogwarts, and the agents I placed upon his trail to ensure his safety are no longer responding to my commands."

Severus frowned. "Track the boy then. I have no doubt that you have placed locator charms upon him if you have already stooped so low as to key the exit wards to his signature."

Albus turned and paced. "There is no use denying it, I suppose. Not now. The fact is that I _ did _ place locator and tracking charms upon him, and a third charm alerting me to his presence in the castle, but they have all been nullified somehow. He is _ gone_, Severus, and I haven't the slightest idea where he is. What's more, he has had himself emancipated, and his Gringotts key is no longer in my possession, which means I have no further methods to utilise against this latest bid for independence."

Severus stared, horror creeping into his veins. "He was emancipated? But even I was refused when I sought my freedom. How could such a spoiled brat ever be—" He froze as the rest of Albus' words registered. "His key. _ You _had his key?"

Albus huffed. "It is hardly the time to squabble over that now."

"Isn't it? How, precisely, did you come into possession of his key when he should have received it upon his first arrival to the wizarding world?"

Albus waved off his accusations. "I have ensured that Harry's funds and heritage remained safe."

"Oh, I am sure. I am also sure that you _ ensured _the use of his funds and lordship to benefit the greater good."

"Severus, I am surprised at your lack of faith in me."

"Any faith I once had in you, old man, died a quick death in this very chair twenty years ago, and again two years after." He gave the old man a cruel smile. "Did you bind Potter to silence before he gave you the slip? I wonder, Albus, if you are not more concerned about _ that _little oversight than the well-being of your boy weapon." He gave a sharp laugh. "Of course, that won't matter much in a few weeks, when the death of your magic renders the vows you forced me to take null and void, now will it?"

Albus raised an eyebrow. "And the immortality of the binder?"

Severus shrugged. "Is a phoenix truly immortal, Albus? I seem to recall standing witness to several death cycles over the years, right here in this office."

Albus faltered slightly. "And rebirth cycles. You will keep your secrets, whether you wish to or not."

Fawkes gave a low trill that, if Severus spoke avian, he imagined would contain several colorful phrases.

Severus gave the sparking bird a searching look. "Will I, old man? It seems your familiar is rather displeased at being used as a tool now that your true motives behind forcing me into silence have become quite clear. I wonder, Albus, if he will continue to hold me to those vows after your death whether he is truly immortal or not."

Fawkes' chirrup and apologetic trill at Severus caused the old man's eyelid to twitch. 

Albus' smile held an edge of steel. "You may have a point." He sat and sipped his tea. "But then, I do wonder whether anyone will believe the word of a death eater."

"Perhaps, perhaps not, but then, if Potter is truly the saint you have sung the praises of all these years, _ he _ might." Severus smiled just as coldly. "And _ I _ wonder, Albus, how many will believe their pet hero and boy saviour, assuming any of us live long enough for it to matter."

Albus paled. "Harry should not see—"

"What a monster his father was? I fear it is too late for that, Albus, and he already begins to doubt the tales of heroism and glory you have woven so carefully around James Potter's miserable hide. Else, I daresay he would have confided in you long before this time last night, when it is clear he must have used the chaos of another of your trite social events to escape." Severus moved to the door. "Perhaps, old man, your lies and manipulations are not so foolproof as you believed, whether I ever have the chance to reveal the truth of you or not."

Fawkes gave a triumphant chirrup, and Albus slumped into his chair with a weary sigh. 

"You may be right, Severus. I do not know. What I do know is this: if you do reveal the truth, an innocent life _ will _be destroyed regardless of my intent."

"I am not so sure of that, old man. Lupin is not so friendless as he once was, and having the recommendation of the public's golden boy will surely aid him in winning their support. That said, an innocent life was destroyed in this office twenty years ago. Where was your concern then?"

Albus rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Find Harry, Severus. Without him, none of us shall live long enough to see if your threats are idle or not."

Severus jerked his head in a nod and slammed the door on his way out.

His mind reeled all the way to the gates. So all this time, Albus had been stringing Potter along as much as he had done Severus. To be denied his fortune… could it be that Potter _ wasn't _the spoiled brat Severus had always believed him to be?

Images of a dark, lonely cupboard, tatty denims ten sizes too large, and scrawny, scarred ribs flayed his mind, but another memory superimposed them and drowned all semblance of sympathy.

_ "You didn't think I _ really _ cared, did you? Poor Snivellus, so desperate for a—" _

"No!" Severus' sharp cry would have startled the life from his observers, had there been anyone within earshot. "No. I… I was not…." 

He leaned against the gates, panting like a racehorse despite the health of his body and the measured pace of his usual stride. No. He would never forget what the last time he had trusted a Potter had cost him. 

Albus had seen to that.

With a deep breath, Severus Occluded all feelings for Potter away, save only the need to locate the brat, and began his search. Potter had to have bypassed the wards _ somehow_. If he could work out how, he would be that much closer to finding the little fool before his own stupidity did him in. 

He told himself he did it for the sake of the war and for no other reason, and yet, when he came upon the tracking spell that Albus had woven into the gates and the front wall of the school, he dismantled it. He could think of no excuse for his rare bout of charity, either, beyond a small measure of concern for the boy's welfare.

Well, that was acceptable. He was no monster, unlike James Potter.

Besides, sticking it to Albus was reason enough


	12. Too Close

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter, but there wasn't a great place to break as all the sections are related.

#  **Chapter 12**

##  _ Too Close _

Twelve days after the disappearance of Potter et al, Severus had to concede defeat. He had expected to find the boy's magical trail within a day or two and drag him back to Hogwarts, kicking and screaming, preferably. Instead, Severus had searched every bloody inch of the school and grounds, and could only conclude that Potter, Weasley, and Granger had fallen off the face of the earth. 

How the bloody hell had they done it? Even house elves left apparition trails if one knew where to look, and thanks to his friendship with Hippa over the years, Severus did. He had even asked her to help him find them, and she had come back pulling her ears and beating her head on the ground, unsuccessful. He had been quick to relieve her of the order so she would cease harming herself and treated her injuries with care, but holy _ fuck_! How the hell had Potter hidden himself so well, not even a house elf could find him?

Severus had exhausted all his resources he had, and as the days crept by without a whisper of their whereabouts, the sense that he would never find them until they wanted him to grew stronger and stronger. And that left everyone in dire trouble, perhaps Severus most of all.

He had known Potter would have little choice but to fall off the map after Riddle took over, but this independent run for the hills left Severus shaken. Had he truly frightened the boy so badly? Was it _ his _ fault Potter had left the wizarding world behind and taken his friends with him? 

No. Some strange sense within him warned him that stronger forces than simple fear of an arguably abusive professor were at work here. Potter had faced worse before and never flinched.

Like someone else Severus knew.

Severus stared in the mirror, tracing the dark circles under his eyes and the sheen on his unwashed hair. The hooked nose and pursed lips, perpetually pulled into a scowl. 

He had once looked so different. Hair shiny like the wing of a raven rather than the muck at the bottom of a cauldron. Complexion clear and pale as the moon rather than sallow and tired. Expression strong and defiant against his detractors and bullies rather than twisted in bitter loathing and suppressed rage.

He opened his mouth and grimaced. Gods, how foul. His teeth hadn't been straight since Black had pummeled his face into a near pulp in sixth year, but they had once been white. His nose had healed badly, too, but Severus had wanted it that way. He had let it all go on purpose, hoping his undesirable features would make his tormentors leave him alone. 

It hadn't worked, but Severus had never healed his appearance after their deaths. He had never recovered enough to try. They had shattered his strong spirit and crushed everything vital within him, but once, he had been so much more than this hollow shell of a man.

Severus recognized that spirit within the boy, the same spirit that had once drawn a brave little Gryffindor witch to befriend him, the same spirit that had made him a target of those lacking mettle of their own, the same spirit that still forced him to get up and face the day when he would rather stop fighting altogether. His fighting days would come to an end, soon, but before he fell into the silent embrace of death, he had a mission. 

Harry wouldn't have run from Hogwarts, especially not with his friends in tow, because of Severus' attack. Frightening as it must have been, the boy was made of sterner stuff than _ that_, and Merlin knew Granger wouldn't have left school for anything less than a life-or-death emergency. 

What the hell had terrified them so badly? 

And what was Severus supposed to do now?

With a shudder, he pushed away from the sink. He hadn't any answers, but he knew he wouldn't find them anytime soon, and failing to report that to the dark lord would see him dead long before his time.

No. He couldn't jeopardise his role now, not with Potter missing and Albus mere weeks from a horrific death. He would have to face the dark lord's inevitable wrath tonight so he lived to fight another day.

But fuck, he wasn't looking forward to it.

He dragged on his death eater robes and steeled himself for the horrors to come. His gut churned and cold sweat prickled his forehead. Ice pooled in his chest and the small of his back ached. His hands trembled around his buttons as he fastened his collar, but he did not balk. With a deep breath, he poured his power and emotional turmoil into his mental shields, and slowly, his panic stilled. The silence and coldness of hard occlumency formed a shield around his treacherous thoughts and flailing spirit.

He would survive the pain. He always had.

Still, perhaps he would do well to take preventative measures.

"Hippa?"

The little elf appeared. Her ears drooped at the sight of his robes.

"Master Severus is going to see the dark one tonight?"

Severus nodded. "And my news is not good. I fear I may need your help desperately when I return. You remember the procedure?"

"Yes, master. I am not to retrieve Mistress Poppy unless you is about to die. I am to retrieve your emergency potions kit and feed you blood replenisher, nerve regeneration draught, level five pain reliever, and a level three healing draught if you is conscious, level four if you is delirious, and level five if you is unconscious. Then I am to treat your wounds, clean you, dress you, and watch over you while you is healing. Hippa is to let the headmaster know you is back and in no condition to answer his questions once you is being stable. Then you is telling me what to do next when you is waking up."

Severus rubbed her head. "Well done. Will you watch for my portkey tonight, Hippa?"

"Yes, Master Severus. Hippa is being honoured to help you."

"Thank you."

Once her usual emotional response to his kindness had quieted, Severus summoned his mask and his courage, bid Hippa goodbye, and flooed into Albus' office. The old man sat at his desk, doing paperwork with his non-dominant hand. He looked up when Severus appeared and frowned.

"You still have had no luck, Severus?"

Severus ignored both the obvious question and falsely civil tone.

"I must report Potter's disappearance to the dark lord, Albus. There is no trace of him and nothing to follow. I do not imagine his response to such disappointing news will be favourable, so _ do _refrain from interrogating me for at least one day."

Albus laid his quill aside with a shaking hand. "You have tried _ every _method to find him?"

Severus sneered. "Every method that will leave your pet scapegoat free of an immediate one-way trip to Azkaban, at least until you finish the job you started twenty years ago."

Albus paled and rubbed his temples. "What do we do now, Severus? The entire war depends on him."

"That, Albus, is a problem for which you have only yourself to blame. And neither is it my job to tell you. I am your spy and your defence professor, not your confidant, and I do not accept either task for _ your _benefit."

With that, Severus put on his mask and used his dark portkey to travel to the current hideout of the dark lord.

With a deep breath, he tightened his shields and prepared himself to face his other master. 

* * *

Ten nights after leaving Hogwarts, Harry woke in agony. His chest felt as though someone had driven a Hagrid-sized fist through it and left him to bleed. He called for Dobby in a weak voice, and Dobby retrieved Winky.

Winky set her hand on Harry's chest and winced. "I is feeling your pain, master, but I cannot tell what is causing it. Winky is not knowing what to do."

Harry gasped out, "Hermione. Get 'Mione."

Winky vanished, and a moment later, Hermione sprinted into the room, Ron hot on her heels.

"Harry? Merlin! You look awful."

He glared through a surge of anguish. "Thanks for… pointing that out. I had… _ no idea_."

Hermione huffed. "Well, you're obviously not dying if you're well enough to snark like that." But she dashed to his side anyway. "Winky said your chest hurts. Where? How?"

Harry described it as best as he could, but she was still frowning in confusion when he finished. 

"I… I've never heard of anything like that. Still…." She sat beside him and pressed two fingers into the side of his throat. Harry knew enough about muggle medicine to stay still and quiet, but Ron didn't.

"Oi, 'Mione, what are you doing?"

"_Trying _ to take his pulse, berk. Sit down and be quiet so I can keep count."

Ron subsided with a bemused glare and settled beside Harry. Hermione moved back after a moment, her face set in a frown.

Ron prompted, "Well?"

She shook her head. "I have no idea. Your pulse is fine, Harry." She laid her hand against his forehead and pursed her lips. "No fever either. How strange." She summoned a general healing potion from the meager supplies she had been able to brew thus far. "Drink." 

Harry grimaced and choked down the potion. It did nothing for his pain. Nor did his tears help, when he forced a few in hopes of making the pain stop.

"I… I just don't know what else to do," Hermione half-wailed. "I've never heard of anything like it."

"I have," Ron said in a quiet voice. "It's magical, not physical."

Dobby nodded. "Dobby is thinking Master Ron is right."

Hermione winced. "Then… what?"

Ron shook his head grimly. "There isn't anything we can do from here. We have no way of working out the cause and no way of healing it even if we could. All we can do is wait it out."

Harry rubbed his chest, frowning. "Actually, it feels a bit better now."

Hermione sat and took Harry's hands. We'll just stay with you then, until it's gone."

"Dobby is staying with his family, too." The elf crawled up and settled beside Hermione.

"Winky, too!" She climbed up beside Ron.

Harry gave them all a weak smile. "Thanks, you lot. I… it helps to know I'm not alone."

Hermione squeezed his hand. "Never again, okay?"

Harry blinked hard. "Yeah."

Ron patted Harry's wrist. "Well, since we're going to be here a while, would you summon my exploding snap cards and conjure a tray for us, 'Mione?" 

She sniffled and gave him a slight smile. "Of course."

They played exploding snap for a while, and when they tired of that, Hermione summoned a deck of Muggle cards and taught them to play spades. The elves played the fourth position as a team and brought them snacks and drinks between hands. Ron entertained them all with stories of the twins' pranks, and in this manner, they spent the night together. 

Harry's pain slowly subsided, and by dawn, the last wave throbbed once and vanished. "Oh!" He rubbed his chest and sighed. "Oh, that's good. I think whatever it was is over, everyone. The pain is completely gone."

Hermione let slip a relieved sigh. "Thank _ Merlin_. You terrified me."

"Not just you," Ron said with a shiver. 

"Dobby is glad you are feeling better."

Winky nodded enthusiastically.

Harry grinned. "Thanks. All of you."

Ron squeezed his shoulder. "All part of a good sidekick's job."

Winky wrinkled her nose. "What is a sidekick?"

Ron laughed. "Well, Winky, it's like this…."

* * *

Two days later, Harry had almost forgotten the pain of that night, but not the hours his friends had spent watching over him. The experience had bonded them all closer together. 

Harry, working on his knees to prepare the back garden for spring, smiled and gripped another dead weed. The assurance of their loyalty and love gave him surcease amid the turmoil his life had become. His mate hated him and he couldn't show his face in public, but he had a family now. It gave him hope, at least, that his days mightn't be spent in lonely solitude after all.

By then, Hogwarts and the wizarding world as a whole was in an uproar concerning their disappearance, but the important people all knew they were safe. Well, Hermione had, to the boys' chagrin, _ Obliviated _her parents and sent them packing to Australia, but the Weasleys had been notified of their situation. 

Merlin, Harry's ears were still ringing from _ that _conversation.

Still, it was over now. It had taken several rounds with a Molly howler to get the Weasley matriarch to see reason, and even then, Ron had had to send pictures of the fact that Hermione and the boys had separate rooms and promise to write every week, but she had finally relented. Harry had sent Molly a new owl as a peace offering so they could keep in touch without killing her beloved Errol, and the two letters they had sent thus far had quieted her ire, much to everyone's relief.

Harry looked up at the sound of approaching wings and winced at the sight of a fat brown barn owl flying his way. Chloe. Molly wasn't due to write them for three more days. Maybe she hadn't been as appeased as Harry thought.

He stood and wiped his dirty hands on his denims. He had kept a few of his old outfits for garden work, but Winky had insisted on making new ones instead. Harry had only convinced her to leave off using the new fabric by saying he didn't want to ruin it out in the dirt. He had cut all his old denims and tees down the seams for her, turning "clothes" into "scrap fabric," and so Winky had been safe to take them in and tailor them to his slim frame. 

He had to admit, the workmanship was far superior to anything a human might have managed. Even with the tatty fabric as a base, he had never owned a more comfortable outfit. House elves knew their stuff as far as clothing went, for sure.

Harry set his weeder tool down and brushed off the knees of his denims. Garden work, it seemed, was one area house elves didn't have much skill, but he enjoyed working in the dirt. He thanked his many miserable days as a virtual child slave for teaching him plenty of useful household skills, if nothing else. Maybe he knew nothing of sewing or researching dark artefacts and legendary beings, but he could clean the house alongside the elves, prepare and maintain a garden and orchard, and use its bounty to supplement his cooking. He was content to leave the rest to the others.

Ron, who had learned to cook from his mum, helped with feeding them, too, and often worked in the dirt beside Harry. Those hours spent weeding and cutting back overgrowth together had bonded them as closer brothers, too.

Hermione didn't know how to garden or cook, but she helped keep the house clean and spent the time the others worked on the chores she couldn't with her nose buried in one of the books from the Potter vault. Harry reckoned she would have the entire library read by spring, which was good, as they needed her help to find the horcruxes.

It wasn't as if he could expect Dumbledore to help them, after all.

They had a comfortable life going there, with everyone pitching in as they were able. Harry had never been so content despite his many troubles. He truly hoped Molly wasn't about to shatter this little chunk of happiness they had carved out for themselves. Not that she could, but he could do without another rant.

Chloe landed on Harry's shoulder and held out her leg, which had a letter—a plain one, not a howler—and a miniaturised picnic basket attached. Harry opened his mouth to call for Ron when he realised the letter had his own name on it. Probably not a rant then.

"Huh. Wonder what she wants." Harry patted Chloe's chest. "Thanks, girl. Go help yourself to some food and rest. You know where the roost is."

She nuzzled his hair affectionately and flew off towards the back of the house. Harry opened the letter as he made his way back to the house, tray of gardening tools floating behind him. He was too bloody cold out here anyway, and it was nearly time for lunch. 

> _ Harry, dear, I think I must apologise for the howlers I sent you earlier. There was an Order meeting last night, and now I'm inclined to agree with you that you're better off where no one can get to you save those who care. _
> 
> _ Severus had been summoned the night before the meeting, and it seems that madman took his inability to fulfil this week's insanity out on his hide. He's okay now, don't you worry, but what he had to say, well, it convinced me that the three of you were smart to leave Hogwarts when you did. I did not let on that I know you are safe for your sake, as I'm no longer certain of whom to trust. _

Dear gods. Molly, as usual, wanted to shield their innocent ears from the truth, but she had let enough slip for Harry to fill in the pieces. 

Voldemort, apparently, had some new dastardly plan to kidnap and kill Harry. One that he had expected Snape to carry out, and maybe Malfoy. One that probably employed the powers of mind mages. As he couldn't possibly complete said plan with Harry missing, Voldemort must have tortured Snape to the point of being in mortal danger.

And Harry had _ felt it_.

Gods. He had come so close, and he hadn't even _ known_. The idea that his life might just wink out with no warning left him cold. 

Harry shuddered and took a few deep breaths. Snape was fine. He had managed to talk himself out of trouble this time, and he could do it again. Snape was a survivor if nothing else. Harry could take some comfort in that.

What on earth had Riddle wanted Snape and Malfoy to do anyway? Harry had no idea, but if it was bad enough to convince Molly Weasley to stop hounding them about leaving Hogwarts, then he didn't _ want _to know. 

With another shudder, he returned to his letter.

> _ I managed to get my hands on a sample lesson plan for all of the sixth year core classwork, and I'll send you assignments each week so you are, at least, learning something until it's safe to return. I'm still trying to find plans for your electives, but until then, I can at least help you with your core NEWTs. _
> 
> _ Don't neglect them, children. Whether you receive your education at home or at Hogwarts, you'll need at least a good foundation in the core subjects to find jobs later in life. I'm happy to help you as much as I can, but please don't let the effort I'm putting in for you go to waste. _
> 
> _ I thought you might be missing good Hogwarts food, so I've sent you several meals to keep you going. They're all under preservation charms—just peel back the cling film when you're ready for them, and they'll be hot and fresh again. _
> 
> _ Do write again soon, and give the others my love, and yourself as well. _
> 
> _ Love, _
> 
> _ Molly _
> 
> _ P.S. You can call me 'Mum' if you feel comfortable with it, dear. You may as well be one of my own anyway. I assure you, I don't mind. _

Harry folded the letter with a smile. Mum. Well, he could definitely use one, and Molly was as close as he had ever had to a mother. Perhaps he would try it out, if Ron didn't mind. 

And he certainly wouldn't complain about having some of Molly's cooking to share about. She always made enough to feed an army, too, so his elves should be able to eat with them, if they liked. The effort to help them stay atop their classes was appreciated, too. Hermione would be thrilled. 

Harry called, "Oi, everyone. Molly sent us a letter and food."

Dobby was busy keeping Snape and Dumbledore off their scent, so he didn't come, but Winky stepped out of her new sewing room and into the kitchen, ears folded back in a display of worry. 

"I is being making lunch soon."

Ron popped out of the study, Hermione in tow. "That's all right, Winky. If you had plans for lunch, we can still eat that and have one of Mum's meals for dinner. Wouldn't want all your effort to go to waste."

Winky beamed. "Thank you, Master Ron."

He patted her shoulder and slid into the chair closest to Harry. "What did she send, mate? And is there enough for everyone?"

Harry chuckled. "I'm sure. She always makes too much. I don't know what's in here yet, so let's have a look." He resized the basket and took the dishes out one by one. "Don't open them until we're ready to eat. It'll break the stasis charms."

"All right." Ron examined each one as Harry passed them over. "Looks like lasagne—ooh. Can't wait for that. Mum's is the best. Then we've got meat pies and mash, shepherd's pie _ and _ cottage pie, scrambled eggs and rashers, porridge and fruit salad, spaghetti and meatballs and salad, and a giant basket apiece of homemade bread, biscuits, rolls, and scones of all kinds. Oh, and a basket of fruit. Merlin, Mum. Didn't want us to go hungry, did she?"

Harry stared at the feast in awe. "How the bloody hell did she do all this in _ one day_?"

Hermione frowned. "She must have used magic to speed the cooking time, but what do you mean in one day? It's been four since she last wrote."

Harry gave them a grim look and passed the letter around. Winky nearly cried when Ron gave it to her after he had finished. 

"So, that episode the other night happened because Snape was so injured," said an ashen Ron. 

Hermione gasped and put her hand over her mouth. "Oh my God. We almost lost you, Harry, and none of us even _ knew_!"

"I know. It's terrifying." Harry shuddered and sank into the chair nearest him. "We need to do something to protect him. I wonder if I should take Kreacher off Malfoy and put him on Snape instead."

"We won't know what Malfoy's up to if you do," said Ron, "but if the alternative is you dying for no apparent reason… yeah, do it. To hell with Malfoy. You're more important."

"Yeah." Harry crossed his arms over his chest and shivered. "I think you're right. We'll _ all _ be dead if I die."

Ron conjured a newspaper and smacked Harry across the head with it. "I didn't mean _ that_, you prat. You're our brother. We'd all be lost without you. Winky, too."

Harry realised Winky was crying and gave her a hug. "Hey, it's okay. We'll get Kreacher to keep him safe. I'll be all right." 

"Winky is not wanting to lose her family. I is just finding you!"

Harry patted her back and conjured a handkerchief to mop up her face. "You won't. We'll protect him so I stay safe, okay?"

Winky nodded and hugged Harry's neck. "You is being the best family I is ever having."

"We try." Harry squeezed her shoulder. "Now, buck up and help us put up all this food, please. It's all right."

"I'll do that," Hermione said with a wince. "You don't have to, Winky."

Harry sighed. Ron pinched the bridge of his nose. Winky huffed and started levitating dishes into the pantry and cold box with or without Hermione's approval.

"Anyway," said Ron, I reckon you should go ahead and put Kreacher on Snape now, Harry. Before some _ other _catastrophe happens."

Hermione glared at him.

"Would you rather watch me burn to death on my own magic?" Harry's voice came out cold as steel. 

Really, her stubbornness about this spew shite was getting old. If she paid any attention at all, she would know that Winky _ was _free. She was far happier than Harry had ever seen her. Why Hermione thought it best for Winky's welfare to return her to the kind of depression that saw her nearly drink herself to death mystified him.

Hermione flinched. "O-of course not. It's just—"

"Do you have a better idea?"

She opened her mouth and closed it several times, then lowered her head in defeat. "No."

"Then if you don't want me to die, I suggest you get over your hangups about the elves. It's insulting, the way you're acting like I'm a slave driver by trying to make them _ happy_."

She sniffled. "Not Kreacher."

"Kreacher is a damned treacherous little shite. I don't trust him here, for good reason."

"But you trust him with your life?"

Harry paused. That was a valid point. 

"Touché. I'll ask if he wants to stay then, but really, stop whinging about the elf bonds and open your eyes. Yes, some of them are mistreated, but these elves _ aren't_, and you're insulting them by acting like they are."

"Harry's right, Hermione," said Ron with a sigh. "You're helping the elves from the wrong place. The issue isn't the elf bonds, it's the humans who abuse it. Go after _ them _ already."

"But you two keep telling them what to do! And they don't have the freedom to refuse!"

Harry met Winky's eyes. "I told you to speak up if there's ever a problem with your orders, didn't I? That would also give you the right to refuse if you need to, for any reason."

Winky put her hands on her hips and glared at Hermione. "You did, Master Harry. Winky is remembering, but you is never asking me to do things I is not already wanting to do."

Hermione deflated with a sigh. "Oh all right. Maybe I _ am _going about this the wrong way. I only seem to be making everyone angry as it is."

"Because you're not paying attention to what the elves need, Hermione," said Ron. "You need to sit down and _ listen _to them if you want a chance in hell of helping them."

Hermione winced. "I… Merlin. You really think I haven't been listening?"

"Yes," said Harry, Winky, and Ron at once.

Hermione frowned and folded herself into a chair. "Oh. Well, I'm sorry then. That's not what I meant to do. I… I'll try to listen better, Winky."

"Winky is believing _ that _when she sees it."

Harry and Ron snorted.

Hermione blinked. "You… you can say those things without hurting yourself?"

Winky scowled and crossed her arms. "Master Harry is giving me permission to say what I think, even if it is rude."

Hermione flinched. "Oh. I really have been thick about this whole situation, haven't I?"

"The thickest." Ron rubbed her hair and smiled. "But we know why, so you're forgiven. Just try to let up now, please?"

"Yes, yes, I promise."

"Thank _ Merlin_." Harry summoned Kreacher and knelt before him. "Kreacher, Hermione pointed out something to me that I think I haven't been fair to you about. Would you like to stay here instead of Grimmauld Place?"

Kreacher scowled. "I is staying in my _ home_."

"Fair enough, though we do have nice elf quarters here and a giant pile of fabric to make into clothes for us and yourself, if you like that sort of thing."

Kreacher's ears fanned back and his eyes widened. "Master Harry is letting Kreacher make his clothes?"

"If Winky doesn't mind sharing, why not? Quick as Ron and I run through them, I'm sure she could use the help."

"Winky is sharing!" She twirled her lacy, floral-print skirt. "Look what I is making. It is being so _ long _since Winky has had things to sew with. Not since my last mistress died…."

"You can sew as much as you want." Harry cocked his head in thought. "Actually, if you run out of things to make for us, maybe you could make some to sell, if that wouldn't be offensive. We could bring in some income that way and use it to buy food and more fabric for you."

Winky's eyes went wide and filled with tears. "You… you is letting Winky help the household?"

"Well, of course. That's what a family does, isn't it? We work together."

Winky rushed Harry's legs and hugged him tight. "Thank you!" By the rush of grateful babbling and tears by his knees, he gathered his little idea had been a hit. And by the look of longing in Kreacher's eyes, she wasn't the only one interested.

"Sure you want to stay all alone in Grimmauld Place, Kreacher?"

Kreacher hesitated. "Kreacher is loyal to the house of Black."

Harry smirked. "Welcome to it. I'm a Black through my great-grandmother, Dorea. Just found that out when we checked out my vault. I reckon she was probably blasted off of that ruddy family tree at Grimmauld for marrying a Potter, but that doesn't change her blood. Nor mine. So how about it?"

Kreacher's eyes widened. "Master Potter is a Black? A blood Black?"

"Yep."

Kreacher's ears drooped. "You is wanting Kreacher here? You is letting Kreacher help make clothes?"

Harry grinned. "Sure, much as we can sell."

"It's not like any of us can show our faces out there," said Ron. "If you elves can help us run an owl order boutique, I reckon we'd be able to break even rather than draining Harry dry."

Hermione said hesitantly, "This is something you _ want _to do, right? Not something you're being forced into?"

The elves glared.

"We is wanting to make clothes," said Kreacher. "It is in our blood."

"If it is helping our family," said Winky, "we is happy to make them to sell. It is like the way it used to be…."

Harry frowned. "Winky?"

She shook herself. "Is nothing. We is wanting to help, Miss Fluffy. No one is twisting our ears."

She sighed. "Then… I'll help make the catalogues. Your mum could hand them out for us to get clients, Ron."

"And I'll handle the business part," said Harry with a grin. "Thanks, 'Mione."

She smiled back. "I just wanted them to be happy."

Winky huffed. "Winky _ is _happy."

"Yes, I'm starting to see that. Well, tell me what kinds of clothing you two would like to make, and I'll work up a design for our catalogues."

"Include an eclectic section for Dobby," said Ron. "Luna would love it."

Hermione chuckled. "All right."

"Does that mean you're staying, Kreacher?" Harry gave the elf a hesitant smile. If this would secure his loyalty, it would be good for everyone. 

Kreacher shuffled from foot to foot, then relented with a sigh. "Yes, Master Harry. Kreacher is staying with you."

"Brilliant. Then let's get you settled, and we'll get started."

Kreacher smiled.


	13. Locking in a Horcrux

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, the dr cut my pain medication in half with no warning or tapering. For the next few weeks, and probably until I can find a new doctor, I'm going to be very sick and in terrible pain, a lot of which affects my hands. It's also difficult to concentrate once my pain level starts approaching a 7/10 or so, and I'm there. So I'm going to do my best, but please be patient if I'm late on an update or my editing isn't the best. It's hard to remember things at this level of ouch.

#  **Chapter 13**

##  _ Locking in a Horcrux _

A week later, the elves were sitting in the living room, working on clothes for their family and the budding business, while Harry and his friends debated horcruxes on the sofa.

"One of the memories Dumbledick showed me had this infatuated old woman in it." Harry sipped his peppermint tea and tried to recall the details. "Riddle was still really young, just out of Hogwarts, I think. His eyes had a glint of red in them, so I think he had already made one horcrux by that point."

"Eurgh," said Ron with a shudder. "Seventeen and already a murderer. Merlin."

"Yeah. He was a bully and a thief in the first memory, so it doesn't surprise me." Harry paused, gut twisting at a sudden flash of another memory he had seen. 

His dad and Sirius hadn't been so far off, had they? 

He swallowed against a lump in his throat and went on. "A-anyway, this old lady had a locket and a cup."

Kreacher, who was home while Snape worked on marking in the safety of his rooms, gasped and fixed huge eyes on Harry. 

"Er… you okay, Kreacher?"

"Kreacher is… listening."

Harry frowned. "You can't tell this to anyone. Please. We'll all be killed and the war will never end."

His face twisted as if in pain, but it vanished the next instant. "Kreacher has already promised to keep this secret."

"Oh. Right, I suppose I did order you to keep your communication within the family." Harry shook his head. "Anyway, she had a locket and a cup. The locket of Slytherin and Hufflepuff's cup. I'm positive the locket is a horcrux—he looked positively murderous when he saw it—but I'm not positive about the cup. Do you think he would have taken them both or just the locket?"

Hermione rubbed her necklace across her lips. "You know, it makes me think of these crime dramas Mum watches. Granted, not everything in them is close to accurate, but they do get _ some _things right. And one thing I remember is that a lot of serial killers like to collect trophies. Sentimental things to mark their kills, so to speak."

Ron wrinkled his nose and curled his lip. "Lovely."

"Yes." Hermione shuddered. "It's an awful thing to think about, but considering the psychology of a serial killer, and the value of Hogwarts to _ this _serial killer, I think it's highly unlikely he left it behind. That said, we should focus on the horcruxes we know of for certain."

"The locket." Harry frowned and ruffled his hair. "I haven't the foggiest idea of where it might be. The memories didn't give me any clues as to what happened _ after _he stole the locket and probably the cup, only that he most likely did. I have no idea where to look."

"Kreacher knows."

Harry jumped up. "What? You _ do_? Where is it?"

Kreacher hesitated. "Kreacher will be telling you, only… what is master going to do with it?"

"Destroy it, as soon as we work out how."

Kreacher's eyes filled. "Then Kreacher is being glad to pass on Master Regulus' last task onto you."

"Regulus?" Harry sat cross-legged in front of the elf, a friend piled in on either side and Winky in his lap. "Okay, Kreacher. Tell us what you know."

* * *

Harry, glamoured to be invisible and inaudible to anyone in the area _ except _Mundungus Fletcher, made his way down Knockturn Alley and pretended not to see the odd wares and odder vendors lining both sides of the street. His friends flanked both sides, glamoured in a similar fashion. The glow of the setting sun silhouetted Harry's back and gave him a distinct advantage as they approached the dirty thief selling stolen wares on the corner of Knockturn and Hobbledon Street. 

"Cauldrons, I got all kinds. Watches, knives, silver—Fletch you a good price!"

"Urgh," said Hermione. "Really, Dung. Couldn't you come up with a better pitch than _ that_?"

Ron wrinkled his nose. "By the smell of him, I'd say he's doing good to be upright."

"The last part is debatable," said Harry.

Mundungus blinked. "What… wait. What're you lot doing here? Don't you know the whole… er… everyone's lookin' for ya?"

Harry snorted. "Let 'em. They'll be looking for a while yet."

"What makes you say that? I could just call 'em and—"

"And they would look right through us and tell you that you've been hitting the sauce too much," said Ron with a shrug. "Or maybe you haven't noticed that no one seems to care that the three missing heroes of the Light are strolling around Knocturn?"

Mundungus looked around and gulped. "Er… all right. So what're ya doin' here then?"

"Did I hear you say you're selling silver?" Harry conjured a throwing knife and dangled it between his fingers. It was for show, mostly, but it got Mundungus' attention. "That silver wouldn't happen to have the Black family crest on it, now would it?"

Mundungus turned as if he would make a run for it, but Kreacher froze him to the spot before he could take a step.

"Well done, Kreacher." Harry gave Mundungus a feral grin. "They're very powerful, house elves. People tend to overlook them, but I've learned one can't have too many friends in life. Right, Kreacher?"

Kreacher gave him a toothy grin. "Yes, master."

Harry pocketed his knife and pulled out his wand instead. "Here's how this is going to work, Dung. You're going to hand over everything you stole from Grimmauld Place to Kreacher—and I do mean everything—and tell no one that you saw us, and _ maybe _I might not turn you inside out right here in the middle of the street. I reckon those hags over ther could make good use of your insides, and at a bargain, since they're all half pickled already. So?"

Kreacher snapped, and Mundungus could move his arms again. He piled up some silver in front of the elf.

"There. Take it."

Ron raised an eyebrow? "That's _ everything _you stole from Grimmauld?"

Mundungus scowled and piled on a pocket watch and a few small items of jewellery. "There. That's all I've got. Now get lost."

Harry rubbed his chin. "I don't know, Dung. I don't think I trust you. How about you, Kreacher?"

Kreacher scowled. "I is not trusting the filthy dung thief either, master."

"Well, I guess that settles it, then. Kreacher, please summon every Black family item off of this pathetic excuse for a human being."

A veritable mountain of jewellery, chalices, and gods knew what else formed in front of them. Kreacher summoned the locket from the pile and held it out it to Harry.

"You will finish Master Regulus' task?"

Harry bowed his head. "On my honour."

Kreacher sniffled and let the locket fall into into a magically-sealed pouch at Harry's waist. Harry had had the elves make it to protect them from horcruxes. His own blood in the seal worked as proof against their evil.

"There you are, Kreacher. If you'll investigate that pile and give me a report of how much is missing, I'll make sure to take it out of his hide." Harry gave him a dark smile. "Or do you reckon I should just let the goblins have a go at him?"

"Goblins, Master Harry," said Kreacher with a devious grin. "They is much nastier in revenge."

Mundungus coughed. "N-no need for that. We can just let bygones be bygones, right?"

Harry cocked his head. "I _ might _ have given you a break, if your thievery hadn't almost cost us the entire goddamn war and set dementors on me and my cousin. Still, I suppose I could let it go… _ if _you promise not to mention ever meeting us here today."

"I promise! Mum's the word."

"Hmm."

"Honest! You believe me, don't you?"

"Oh, _ we _ believe you," said a grinning Ron, "but _ she's _the one you've got to watch out for."

"Er…."

Hermione whipped out her wand quicker than lightning. "_Obliviate_! You were mugged on the street. Too much alcohol. You didn't see their faces. You never saw us and have no idea what happened to the Black items. You're just on your way to the pub for a drink to drown your sorrows."

"Right. The… pub."

Mundungus tottered away.

"Merlin, remind me not to hack you off, 'Mione," said Ron with a grin.

"Harry was rather intimidating, too." Hermione chuckled. "I thought Dung would wet himself when you pulled out your knife."

Harry grinned. "Gift from Sirius. It seemed appropriate."

"It worked." Ron patted Kreacher's shoulder. "Well done, mate. You got us the locket back. I bet Regulus would be dead chuffed if he could see you now."

Kreacher sobbed and buried his face in Ron's knees. "Kreacher hopes so, Master Ron."

"I know so," said Harry. "Now, let's get out of here before we draw a crowd, glamours or no."

Kreacher snapped his fingers, and they vanished, along with the giant pile of Black heirlooms.


	14. Bedtime Stories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A strange truth comes to light.

#  **Chapter 14**

##  _ Bedtime Stories _

They celebrated Ron's birthday at the cottage with a giant cake decorated to look like the quidditch pitch. Harry had helped Winky make the spun sugar goalposts and fondant snitch, and he couldn't help but puff out his chest a bit as he watched the enchanted golden ball zoom about. 

Ron's jaw nearly dropped off his face at the sight of it. "Cor blimey! You made this, Winky? This is _ wicked_!"

Winky beamed. "Master Harry helped."

"A bit," Harry deflected. "Most of this baby is all Winky's doing. It's bloody brilliant, isn't it?"

Hermione smiled. "Well, I'm not one for quidditch, but even I have to admit this is positively lovely work. Well done, Winky, Harry."

"Maybe we should run an owl order bakery, too," said Ron with a laugh.

Harry groaned. "No _ thank _you. Setting up one business incognito is difficult enough." He pulled out a chair for Winky and pushed her seat in for her. "Though I will say it's coming along. Goldclaw is worth his weight in… well, gold."

Ron snickered. "We should tell him that next time you meet."

"Please don't," said Hermione and Harry at once.

Ron chuckled. "Oi, give a man _ some _credit. I'm not that stupid."

Harry chuckled. "Yes, well, since it's your birthday, I'll let that slide."

"Prat!"

Harry laughed. "All right, all right. Cake for the birthday boy first." He paused, mirth gone. "Ron, I'm really sorry. This… we should have been able to spend your coming of age at home. Your family should be here."

Ron nudged his arm. "Don't be a ponce. My family _ is _here. And, well, if we had stayed at school, I'd not have had a party at all. So really, this is just fine with me. 'Sides, Mum and Dad sent me Uncle Gideon's pocketwatch for my coming of age gift with Chloe. I'm fine, you git. Other than being hungry, so cut that piece of art already. I just know it tastes as good as it looks."

Harry grinned. "All right. I guess that's fair." 

"Wait!" Hermione fumbled a camera out of her pocket. "Pictures first, so we can send some to your mum."

"She'll be jealous like mad when she sees that cake," said Ron with a laugh.

"She'll send me a seven-tier snitch cake for mine," said Harry with a snort. "See if she doesn't."

"Ha ha, boys." Hermione aimed her camera. "Smile!"

Harry didn't have any trouble conjuring a smile, despite the lingering feeling that something was missing. Much as he would have loved to share this moment with a mate of his own, Snape would never care for him. Or even tolerate him. The thought ached, sometimes, but Harry just pushed it away and took the camera over from Hermione.

"Give the birthday boy a good snog for me. He won't let me have one, so you may as well give him a go."

Hermione laughed, then gave Ron a shy smile. "Do you… um… should I…?"

Ron's entire face went red. "Y-yeah."

Hermione tentatively brushed their lips together, and Harry was happy to have caught their first kiss on film. 

Even if he would never know that joy himself.

* * *

After cake and presents, everyone lounged about the living room, including all three elves. Dobby had on Gryffindor colours and a party hat over one ear. He sat in a conjured beanbag chair by the fire and kept shooting Winky dazed looks. 

Harry couldn't blame him. Winky looked as ravishing as a house elf could in her long, one-shoulder red gown with sparkles all over it and little ruby earrings in her ears. She was lovely for her kind, and Harry wondered if Dobby would make a go of it with her one day. He hoped so. He wanted them to be happy. 

As Snape was safe in his quarters, Kreacher had joined in, too. He sat cross-legged on a cushion, dressed in one of their new suits. He looked much happier and healthier in it, and the smile on his face held none of the rancour it used to. Securing the locket for Regulus' last task and giving him a home had earned Harry the elf's unswerving devotion. 

Thank Merlin, too, because having a house elf who hated him had been a catastrophe waiting to happen.

And Ron's happiness had set his eyes alight. He held Hermione in his lap and gave her besotted grins every few minutes, and her shy smiles shone like the sun.

Harry wasn't jealous. Really. Their happiness thrilled him, and he wished them every joy. 

It was just hard to watch them without wishing for a mate of his own. One who didn't hate his existence.

Harry leaned on his knees and remembered his dreams. That night was the first time he had seen Severus' entire face—always Severus inside his head, even if Harry would never have the opportunity to use his first name outside of it. The sight of Severus' expression, relaxed and open in his pleasure, combined with the image of his body—Merlin, if those dreams could be relied upon, Severus was bloody gorgeous under the robes—had made Harry orgasm instantly, harder than he had ever done in his life. He still felt the relaxing effects of it even now.

And he hated himself for it.

He couldn't control the dreams or stop them, but more and more, Harry felt uncomfortable seeing Severus in sexual situations, even in dreams. The words Snape had thrown at Harry that last day still left a taste of blood and gunpowder in Harry's mouth. It almost sounded like Snape had been—

"Oi, earth to Harry!"

At Ron's call, Harry came out of his thoughts with a jolt.

"Oh. Sorry, mate. Didn't hear you."

"I noticed. What were you thinking about so hard then?"

Harry flushed. "Er… believe it or not, Snape."

Ron grimaced. "Does the mate thing come with… a pull or attraction or something? Unless it's on both sides, that would be _ really _ bad news."

Harry shook his head. "I feel about the same way about him as I did when we left. Maybe a bit more, but I don't think there's anything _ forcing _me to feel that way. I guess it's just… I don't know." He sighed and stared at the ceiling. "It's your birthday, mate. You don't want my fucked up life bringing you down."

Hermione gave Ron a look. He nodded, and they both left his chair to plop down on either side of Harry.

"I'm not any less of your friend today than other days," said Ron. "So what is it?"

"I think I know." Hermione gave him a guilty look. "It's my fault, isn't it? You're lonely for your mate."

Harry nudged her shoulder. "It's no one's _ fault_, 'Mione. I'm happy for you two. I just wish my own fate wasn't so bleak."

Hermione hugged him. "You'll never be alone, okay? Even if it's not the same, we won't leave you alone."

"We is not leaving you alone either." Winky hugged his knees.

Harry blinked hard and hugged them all. "Thanks, you lot. I couldn't ask for better friends."

"Yeah, we know," said Ron, and Harry laughed.

"I wonder what they're thinking," Hermione mused. "Snape and Dumbledore. We've been gone for weeks, and they haven't found so much as a hint. They must know about the Black heirlooms by now, so they must have some idea that we're safe, but none of them can find us. It has to be driving them spare."

"Oh, absolutely," said Ron with a snort. "None of them would guess that house elves are so powerful. Snape's too much of an arsehole and Dumbledore is too full of himself."

Harry gave his elves searching looks. "How _ did _you lot manage to block him? We had no idea what to do."

The elves looked at each other, expressions worried and solemn.

"Dobby will tell Master Harry and his friends…." He shot Hermione a sidelong glance. "But it is a house elf secret. Dobby is trusting you not to use it against us."

Winky and Kreacher nodded.

"You bet, Dobby." Harry patted his shoulder. "You don't have to tell us if you don't want to. I was just curious."

"Dobby thinks we is needing to tell a wizard. A wizard we can trust. There are not many of those."

Harry nodded. "We're listening, then."

Dobby pulled his knees up to his chest. "Is because you asked us to."

Harry glanced at his friends, but they seemed as stumped as he was. "We don't understand, Dobby."

"We is… bound to humans' will. So when you is asking us to do things, our magic is making it work."

Harry frowned, trying to make sense of that, but it was Hermione who explained.

"The slavery thing. I _ told _you they're slaves! You ask them to do something, and their magic warps reality to make it happen whether it's possible or not." 

"Merlin. So because Winky is bound to me, her magic made wards no one could get through when I asked her to, _ because _I asked her to?"

"That's about the size of it."

"Damn."

"Yes." She shuddered. "Gods. The damage wizards could do if this was ever made public knowledge. I see why you keep it secret, Dobby, and I promise we will, too. For everyone's sake."

The elves relaxed.

"Winky is relieved to hear that. We is trusting Master Harry and Master Ron, but we would not be telling you if they did not trust you."

Hermione squawked. "But I've been trying to help you all this time! I'm trying to _ end _your slavery so you can cast what magic you want to."

"And that is being the point, Miss Fluffy. You is trying to make us be free. You is still not learning that house elves is not _ wanting _to be free. At least, not as you see it. We is not humans."

Hermione cried. "But I've been trying to listen, like you said, and I'm just trying to help anyway. It… it's not right that you're abused and taken for granted and…."

Winky sighed and took over. "Miss Hermione, we is knowing that, but you is still pitying us for not wanting to be free. You is still wanting us to be likes you think we should, and how is that different from the wizards who is thinking we should be their slaves?"

Hermione opened her mouth to protest, but Harry stopped her.

"She's right, Hermione."

Hermione gave him a heartsick, betrayed look. "How can you say that? You know I'm not…."

"No. You're not a bad person. You would never treat a house elf like a slave, but you still don't understand that they can't be freed like humans can be and thrive. No amount of talking and pleading and rationalizing is going to change that. They're not brainwashed slaves, they're a different species. And you still don't seem to get it."

Hermione sniffled and dropped her head. "All I want is for them to be treated fairly."

"We is knowing that, Miss Hermione," said Winky. "Is why we trusted you despite that you is not trusting us very well. You is at least having your heart in the right place, if your head is being nowhere near it."

Hermione sighed and wiped her face. "Okay. I promised I'd listen, and clearly, I'm not doing a good job yet. So how _ do _ I make life better for you without forcing you to be what you're not or hurting you? That's all I want here."

"You is needing to stop trying to convince us to be free," said Kreacher. "We is not _ able _to be free. Like Master Harry is needing his mate's magic to keep his own from burning out, we is needing our masters' magic to thrive."

"That is being why I was drinking so much when I was given clothes," said Winky with a shudder. "The pain is driving me to it. If Master Harry had not adopted me when he did, I think I is being dead in another year, maybe."

Hermione grimaced. "No wonder the other elves were terrified of me then, if being… abandoned kills you slowly. Gods. So stop trying to make you think you have to be… homeless to be happy. Right. So what else can I do?"

Winky folded her legs and sat, knees primly tucked under the skirt of her dress. "I is being telling you a story, Miss Hermione, from a long, long time ago. Our mothers be telling it to us as babies so we's can face our fates with dignity, even when they is being hard."

Hermione summoned a biro and parchment and took notes.

"A long, long time ago, before your Ministry and Statute of Secrecy, house elves is being happy. We is living beside humans and serving them, as is our nature, and they is living beside us and offering us a home, food, and friendship. We is being seen as friends and advisors, not possessions. We is living in harmony with our families, like we is all friends and family here.

"Back then, we is all making our own clothes and our wizards' clothes from the silk we was growing in our forests. We is being better than wizards at making clothes, so they is choosing to wear ours. And wizards is being better at making homes, so we is choosing to live in theirs."

"Wait," said Hermione. "Please tell me about your forests."

"A long time ago, we is having vast forests where we is growing all sorts of things we like to use." The house elves all looked sad at Winky's mention of it. "There, we is growing sunsilk for clothes—it is so light and soft, warm in winter and cool in summer, and it is being strong, magic, and beautiful. We is making the best clothes of anyone in the world. And we is having night plums for Plumberry Wine and jam, and we is having starberries for jewellery. They is being hard and shiny, and is making pretty gems we is once wearing and sharing with our humans, and we is having many other things that are gone now."

"Merlin," said a sorrowful Ron. "We ruined your forests, then?"

Winky's shoulders sagged. "Yes. A long, long time ago, many mean humans are coming, saying humans are weak to depend on house elves. Some began distancing themselves. They began making their own clothes. And some wanted only to share, like we do, but it is breaking the bond. They are learning they can banish a house elf by giving them clothes, and so many did so to be independent."

Hermione stared, heartsick. "It's not slavery, it's a symbiotic relationship. Or it used to be."

"Yes," said Winky with a smile. "We is being happy with our humans once. We is being better at cooking and cleaning, so we does that for them. But humans is being better at growing food and mining gems and building things. They is being better at fighting to defend us. They is being better at making and handling money. So we is wanting them to do that for the household, while we's make the clothes and wine, clean the house, and cook food. Sometimes, our humans also like to do those things and we would share, but we is always being the best at clothes and always being the provider of them. 

"Sharing clothes made by a wizard is telling us we are not wanted. It is saying our skills are useless in the household. And so it is breaking our bonds and our hearts and leaving us homeless and broken without our family's magic."

Hermione wiped tears away. "And I tried to give them all clothes. They weren't even _ good _ones!"

Harry looked to Dobby. "How come you aren't offended by clothes, Dobby? Is it the goblin thing?"

Dobby nodded. "Goblins is liking to collect all sorts of things from all sorts of people. I is thinking that is part of it, but also…." He cowered and twisted his ears. "My former master is being so _ cruel_, Master Harry. Dobby is always being hurt. I is being so relieved to be free, that I is being happy to accept clothes, even if they is not like we can make."

Dobby moved as if to punish himself, but Harry caught him into a hug instead. 

"I'm glad you're safe now."

Dobby sniffled and wept in Harry's shirt. "We is waiting for kind humans for so _ long_, Master Harry. And you is so kind. You is giving us hope."

Harry hugged the little elf while he gathered his wits. "What about the self-punishment and subservience? It sounds to me like that wasn't a part of the original relationship."

Kreacher shuddered and rubbed his arms. "It was not, Master Harry."

Ron had to grab him to keep him from hurting himself. Winky couldn't answer either. 

"Dobby?" Harry held the little elf. "Are you able to talk about it without being hurt?"

Dobby shuddered. "I is thinking not, but I is doing it anyway. It is being worth it."

"But—"

"We is being cursed, Master Harry." 


	15. Hero of House Elves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dobby to the rescue!

#  **Chapter 15**

##  _ Hero of House Elves _

Dobby twisted his ears and cringed, but when Harry tried to stop him, he leapt away and put a barrier up to keep them away.

"No! I is hurting myself because I cannot helps it, but I is thinking I is being the only house elf alive who can help us at all. I's have to do it, or we is never being restored."

Harry blinked back tears. "Okay, Dobby. Tell us what you need to. I'll fix you up as soon as you're done. Or while you're talking, if you'll let my magic through your barrier."

Hermione cried, "Harry!"

"I understand what it means to be the only one who can save my friends, Hermione," Harry said in a low, sad tone. "Let him do it. Let him be a hero for them. And I'll make sure he isn't broken for it, just like you two have always done for me."

Hermione sniffled and put her hand to her mouth, but at Ron's solemn nod, she sat back with a sob. "Just… make sure you keep him alive."

Harry nodded in grim determination. "Dobby, what will this curse do to you if you tell us about it?"

Dobby shuddered. "Poison. It is being poisoning me fast." He broke his own legs, and Harry healed them right away.

"Thank you, Master Harry."

Harry opened Hermione's bag. "_Accio _ bezoar." A white stone zoomed into his palm. "Dobby, will these work on your kind?"

Dobby hesitated. "I is thinking so, but I is not sure. I am part goblin too."

Harry winced. "This might kill you."

"Master is facing possible death for his friends, too. I is choosing to take the risk to save my race, just as you is doing for yours."

Harry nodded. "Hermione, can you brew an antidote capable of healing Dobby from unknown poisons?"

She hesitated. "Can you tell us the name of the curse without activating the poison, Dobby?"

Dobby shook his head.

"Damn. Let me think. Curses that poison someone. That enslave a race. Merlin, I need more details. What will the poison do?"

Dobby shuddered. "Dobby thinks I is not being able to tell you without starting it."

"Merlin," said Ron. "Don't tell us then. We'll just have to think of a way to make that bezoar work."

Hermione stared at the bezoar. "But what else is there that can cure unknown poisons?"

Harry gasped as a flash of memory flickered to life in his mind. Pain in his arm spreading to his entire body, venom with no antidote, and a flash of red and gold to save his life.

"I know what to do. Snape could probably make it a sure thing, but as he'd be more interested in flaying off my hide than helping me if I asked him, I'll just have to do my best. Come on, 'Mione. Need you to make sure I don't blow us all up."

Hermione frowned. "All right, but how?"

"Phoenix tears, 'Mione." Harry grimaced. "And blood."

She froze. "_Oh_. Oh Merlin's pants! That might just work!"

"Yeah. It's the best shot we've got."

Dobby nodded. "I is hoping you can save me, Master Harry, but if not, I is willing to face death so my race has a chance."

Winky gave him a wide-eyed smile, and Dobby blushed.

Harry hugged him. "You're a hero, Dobby. And we'll make damn sure your race is freed from the curse, as soon as we can."

"You is having to fight your own battles first, master Harry."

"We can do both at the same time."

Dobby grinned. "I is knowing you will, Master Harry Potter, sir. You is a good Sunguard."

Harry nodded and swept Hermione into the lab.

* * *

Harry and Hermione returned with a special antidote containing a few of Harry's tears and blood. He wasn't sure how he felt about it, but if the antidote worked against an unknown curse that was powerful enough to enslave an entire race, then Harry would make _ shelves _of the stuff to help them in the battle to come. Even if it did feel strange to feed people things made of his own bodily fluids.

Then again, polyjuice potion used poisonous weeds and dead flies, so he supposed it could be worse.

"All right, Dobby," said Harry. "We have a special antidote here I'm betting has never been tried on anyone. Liquid bezoar, daisy roots, echinacea, and Sunguard… stuff." Harry gave a wry grimace. "You're welcome."

While Dobby wailed in thanks, Ron took the silvery pearlescent phial and held it up to the sunlight. It reflected a million miniature rainbows, much like a prism. "Merlin. You invented it, Harry?"

He snorted. "_Invented _ is hardly the word. More like mixed the most potent antidotes we had on hand that wouldn't blow up. Nothing special about it."

"Nothing special?" Ron grinned and gave him the bottle. "Well done. You should publish it."

"Considering it requires blood and tears from me," said Harry with a shudder, "_please _don't."

Ron blanched. "On second thought, let's not. I can just imagine what Snape would do with—" He cut himself off at the sight of Harry's face. "Um… let's just forget I said that."

Harry snorted bitterly. "Do you think he'd drain his mate's blood first or insult me until I cry buckets?"

Hermione huffed. "Honestly, Harry. Tears, obviously. It's a bit difficult to cry if you're _ dead_."

Her venture into black humour made him feel a little better. "Maybe he'd do both, yeah? Probably be more efficient to drain me so painfully, I cry my eyeballs out at the same time. Maybe he can use those in potions, too."

Hermione snorted. "Well, they wouldn't go very far if he did. Sunguard eyes are rather uncommon ingredients."

Ron choked. "Um, c-could we maybe move the topic away from dissecting Harry and back to the elves? Or just about anything, really? _ Please_?"

Harry and Hermione burst into laughter.

Ron gaped at them. "You two have gone as barmy as Dumbledore."

Harry shuddered dramatically. "Merlin, I hope not." He plopped onto a chair in front of Dobby. "Okay, Dobby," said Harry. "Ready when you are."

"I is thinking you must send Kreacher and Winky away," said Dobby. "So they is not hearing it. It's might hurt them, or they'd might be hurting me."

Harry winced. "Right. Winky, go keep an eye on Snape, please. Be careful. Kreacher, do the same thing, please, but your target is Lucius Malfoy. Don't communicate in any way, and don't be seen. Report back in an hour."

The elves nodded and popped away.

"Right. Ron, be ready with that potion. 'Mione, spells. As for me…." Harry summoned a knife and knelt by Dobby. "Okay. We're ready, Dobby."

Dobby nodded grimly. "We is cursed, like Dobby said." The self-torture began with a broken arm and only got worse from there. "The humans… back then, we is coexisting together happily. But then, the independent humans… some of them thought we is better as slaves than friends."

Harry healed another round of dire injuries and stopped Dobby. "Are you sure you want to…?"

"Dobby is doing his duty to our race, so we is able to be happy again."

Harry blinked down tears. He had to be able to see to help Dobby. "All right. Go on then."

Somehow, Dobby managed to get out a terrible story around his injuries. The independent humans who wanted the elves as slaves had first used giving clothes as a threat, and when that didn't control them enough, they gathered their most powerful wizards together and cursed the elven bloodline. The slaves could no longer access their forest and it soon became overgrown and lost. None of the enslaved house elves could access it, but their legends told of a union of people who would come one day to return them to their rightful state.

"And," Dobby choked out, "the prophecy said, a hero of house elves, a hero of the night, a hero of the moon, and a hero of light will see the plight of the… ugh… forsaken and forgotten. A family of light and forsaken build a… union of races and… turn the curse against itself… to save the Síoda and set… the forsaken… and forgotten… free."

Harry winced. "Damn. _ Another _proph—"

Dobby began convulsing and foaming at the mouth. 

"Ron!"

The stunned boy snapped out of his horror and forced the antidote down Dobby's throat. Hermione cast spells. Harry sliced a neat cut across his wrist and let a few drops fall into Dobby's mouth. 

Then, they watched, holding their breath, until the house elf's eyes popped open again.

"Ooh. Dobby is not feeling well, Master Harry."

Harry scooped him into a careful hug. "You did it. You're a hero for your people now. You told us the story, and we'll make sure the curse is broken. Somehow."

"Yes," said a sniffling Hermione. "We'll set you free the _ right _way this time. So you can be your proper selves again."

Dobby wailed in gratitude and hugged her. For once, no one begrudged him his intensely emotional reactions.


	16. History Repeats Itself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to Sev for a bit.

#  **Chapter 16**

##  _ History Repeats Itself _

Dobby's story gave Harry an idea on how to get information out of Dumbledore without putting himself in harm's way, but he wasn't sure he could _ use _it. He turned the idea over in his head a few days, but eventually decided on the Gryffindor approach. After all, the elves had been given the right to say no.

Harry called his friends into the kitchen, less Kreacher, who was out guarding Snape.

"Dobby, you said your magic works so that whatever we ask for, you can do it?"

"Until they're free again at least," Hermione muttered.

"Don't, 'Mione," Ron said, eyes glued on the elf. "It might hurt him."

Hermione growled under her breath about the cruelty of mankind, but subsided about the curse. 

Dobby gave Harry a nervous look. "Why is Master Harry asking?"

"I'm not going to make you relive that, Dobby. Don't worry. I'm just… debating on whether it's fair to ask you for help or not, knowing where it comes from."

"Dobby is wanting to helps, great Harry Potter, sir. Is making… a bad thing good."

Harry nodded. "You don't mind?"

"No, Master Harry."

"Thank you, Dobby. When we… fix things for you, we'll make sure the elves know who helped them find their… true places again."

"Actually, mate," said Ron, "that might be another thing we don't want published. A lot of You-Know-Who's lot and even a good portion of ours won't be happy about losing their slave labour. Might be safer to let the elves spread the word in their own way."

Harry winced. "Good point. Well, _ we'll _know, anyway."

Dobby gave them a tearful grin. "That is being good enough for Dobby."

"You really are a hero, Dobby," said a suddenly sniffling Hermione. "Merlin, I'm so bloody _ proud _ of you for standing up to everyone who stood in your way, and for standing up _ for _ your people. One day, Dobby, on my honour, one day, we'll make sure you get… your _ other _freedom. Somehow. 

"And, Winky, I'm proud of you, too, for teaching us about your race. Thank you, and thank you for standing up to me, when I was fighting for everything you _ didn't _need or want. I promise, we won't stop until you have your forest again."

Dobby and Winky ran to her and cried in her knees.

Harry squeezed the elves' hands. "Hey, it's all right. We'll work to beat this together, okay? With a Sunguard and the two best humans ever on your side, I think we have a good chance of doing it."

Dobby sobbed and tackle-hugged Harry. "You is so good, Master Harry. You is _ all _good."

Harry petted his head. "Thank you, Dobby. We try."

Dobby sniffled and wiped his eyes.

Ron patted his shoulder. "All right there, mate?"

"Dobby is better than ever. His friends have hope again."

"They sure do."

Winky wiped her eyes and gave Harry a searching look. "What did you be wanting us to do for you, Master Harry? Is might be better to ask Winky or Kreacher, since we is not being free elves."

Dobby nodded. "Dobby thinks Winky is right."

"All right." Harry knelt in front of Winky. "Well, the thing is, what I need to ask would need customized magic. Do you mind using it to help me end this war?"

Winky nodded fiercely. "You are our master and our friend. Winky is helping. Kreacher will be happy to helps, too."

Dobby nodded. "You is helping us, and you is not asking for selfish wants, either. You is asking for our help to save your race, like you is helping ours."

"It is being like it was long ago," said Winky with a wistful smile. "Humans and elves helping each other."

Harry cocked his head. "I didn't think of that, but you're right. It is rather like the legends. So, with that in mind, I am glad to accept your help, all of you. Thank you."

The elves bowed.

Winky said, "What is you needing from us, Master Harry?"

Harry sat back and crossed his arms over his chest. "I need a way to get a letter to Dumbledore. Ideally, one he can reply to just by writing on it under what I wrote, or on the back."

Hermione summoned a blank piece of parchment. "I know the charm for that. It's related to the protean charm I used for the DA coins."

"Of _ course _ you know it," said Harry with a laugh. "Are there any obscure charms you _ don't _ know?"

She handed the charmed parchment to him. "I don't know any to keep the headmaster or Fawkes from tracking us through that, wards or no."

Harry nodded, serious again. "And that, Winky, is what I need your help with."

* * *

Harry sat on the living room sofa with Winky and his friends piled around him. Dobby had gone to make sure Dumbledore behaved—whether he liked it or not—and Kreacher hadn't returned yet.

Harry poised his quill, took a deep breath, and began to write.

> _ "Write on this to reply, Dumbledore. How do we destroy Tom's trinkets and what are they? Don't try to track us, or we'll block you from communicating with us at all, war or no war."_

A few moments later, new words formed on the parchment in Dumbledore's loopy handwriting.

> _ "Ah, hello, Harry. I must congratulate you on engineering such an ingenious method of communication, or, perhaps, I should be thanking Miss Granger. Well done. _
> 
> _ I must say that I am still quite disappointed in you. With so much at stake and danger at every corner, it is imperative that you and your friends return to Hogwarts immediately, where you are safe. I will even arrange to avoid the rather hefty loss of points such actions would generally incur, if you return now."_

He signed with all of his names and titles, no doubt an attempt to remind them of his supposed authority. 

Harry smirked. "Playing this just like we expected him to, isn't he?"

Hermione chuckled. "Rather so. Go on, then."

Harry wrote a new reply.

> _"It's adorable that you imagine I care about house points or_ _your inflated ego when we're in the middle of a war. As for returning to Hogwarts, the answer is a resounding hell no. We've never been safe there no thanks to your manipulative streak, lax policy of keeping on murderers, assailants, and bullies, and poor hiring decisions. And I, personally, have never been safe anywhere no thanks to your cruelty. Hence the whole emancipation thing. _
> 
> _ "No, Dumbledore, we won't be coming back there to be used as puppets and weapons any longer, nor will we put ourselves in harm's way from the mini-death eaters you refuse to expel and abusive teachers who are nearly as bad. _
> 
> _ "So, either you help us, or you leave the one person who can end this to flounder alone and hope to hell we get lucky, because none of us are stupid enough to trust our our lives to you any longer. You've bollocksed it all up about a hundred too many times now to ever earn our trust again. _
> 
> _ "Once more, old man. Where are the horcruxes you know of and how do we destroy them? Keeping your cards close to your chest won't help anyone, so you had best help us if you want us to survive. _
> 
> _ "What's right or what's easy, Dumbledore. Your words, your choice."_

> _ "Harry, I am shocked at your accusations. I have tried to protect you your entire life, and you say I placed you in danger? I am saddened that you think so little of me. _
> 
> _ "Nevertheless, I must insist that you return to Hogwarts. There are many people who love you, and they would be quite devastated if something were to happen to you. _
> 
> _ "There are death eaters everywhere, and Professor Snape has reported rumours of a secret force of kidnappers whose sole purpose is to hunt down supporters of the Light and Muggleborns and take them to Tom. As one of your dearest friends is both Muggleborn and a well-known fighter for the Light, I should think you would be more concerned for her safety. _
> 
> _ "I shall see to it that your former rooms are prepared."_

Hermione snorted. "Merlin's pants. He's really laying it on thick, isn't he?"

"Mum knows we're safe," Ron said with a shake of his head. "He's just using guilt as a weapon, the bastard."

Harry nearly pierced the parchment with the force of his reply. 

> _ "You can shove your guilt trips up your arse, old man. We aren't going to fall for it. _
> 
> _ "As for the snatchers—yes, we know what they are. I told you trying to withhold information would do you no good. As for them, let me ask you this: have _ you _ been able to find us? _
> 
> _ "We're not stupid. You lost your favourite toys. We're fully aware you've had Snape, King, and anyone else you can get your hands on searching for us. Tell me this: if you can't track us, what makes you think Riddle can? _
> 
> _ "Trust me, if he could find us, he'd already have beaten in our door. _
> 
> _ "No, you're just going to have to accept the fact that you no longer hold all the cards, Dumbledore. We are not your pawns. Our lives are our own. You will not order and shape them as you see fit any longer. _
> 
> _ "We do, however, care for other lives that will be lost if you continue to try to manipulate us into being your living chess pieces again, so I suggest you give up on the mind games and get over yourself. _
> 
> _ "We got one over you this time. Get used to it and focus on what's important here: saving lives. Are you going to answer our questions, or will I be forced to destroy this parchment and cut off all lines of communication with you?"_

Winky grinned. "Winky is thinking the old beard-twirler will not like that."

Harry snorted. "I think you're right.

* * *

Severus returned from a death eater rally and dragged himself to Albus' office to report. Merlin, why couldn't the old man consider that the form of… _ entertainment _at death eater meetings did not leave Severus in the condition to climb up five flights of stairs and down seven? Was it truly such an inconvenience for the old bastard to come to him?

Severus sighed and spat out the password. Albus didn't meet in his office for convenience. He used it to establish his own dominance and authority over Severus. It was always about power with him, despite his affable demeanour with the rest of the world. 

He entered the office at Albus' request and found the old man scribbling away at a piece of parchment. Severus took a seat and poured a healing potion into a cup of tea. By the time he had taken a sip or two, Albus would surely put his work away and demand every scrap of information Severus could wring from his tired, achy brain.

But Albus was still staring at the parchment in what appeared to be annoyed silence when Severus finished the cup. With a frown, he poured another, this time with a bit of honey to wash the taste of healing potions out of his mouth. "Should I return later?"

Albus gave him a sharp look. "I would like your report while your memory is clear, but first I must convince Harry to come home."

"Potter!" Tea abandoned, Severus jerked up and stalked to the desk. "What has that fool brat done now?" He took a memory snapshot of the entire parchment before Albus shoved it out of his reach. A few words formed in green ink as he watched it slide away—_"What's it going to be, old man?" _

"Do not be nosy, Severus. I am taking care of the situation. Please sit and have another cup of tea. With any luck, Harry shall be back before you are finished."

By the tone of the words his memory had formed, Severus doubted that.

"I shan't go rescue him, Albus. If he is caught by this folly, then on his head be it."

"Severus. Drink your tea."

Severus obeyed with a scowl and pieced together the fragments his snapshot had caught into a cohesive whole. In seconds, his mind had formed the body of what seemed to be a rather charged discussion. Or half of it anyway. The rest, he supposed, must have filled the other side of the parchment already.

> _ "Harry, please. I do not know where you have acquired such low opinions of my character, but, I assure you, I have only ever had your best interests at heart. You are much like a grandson to me, and—"_

> _ "Do you seriously think I'll fall for that bullshite? I know you knew how bad it was back there. You care a lot more for the prophecy and the so-called greater good than you do for anyone's life or well-being. Particularly that of your pet weapon."_

> _ "If, as you say, I did see you as a weapon—and I do not, my boy—I would care more for your safety and well-being, not less. I would need you to—"_

> _ "Survive long enough to kill Riddle? Guess what, Dumbledore. A person can survive and still suffer. There is a big difference between survival and thriving, and I have never had the liberty to do the latter until now."_

Severus suppressed a snort of disgust. The pampered Potter brat wouldn't know suffering if it danced naked before him. Or… perhaps he wouldn't have before Umbridge. Gods, that hag. She deserved to be drawn and quartered for her treatment of Potter. 

Even so, Potter didn't know suffering like Severus did, but he had hit the nail on the head about Albus' true feelings for him anyway, hadn't he?

_ "You have raised him like a pig for the slaughter." _

Severus frowned into his tea and tried not to reveal a shiver of foreboding. He focused on the rest of the letter forming in his mind.

> _ "Harry, all I want is for you to return to Hogwarts, where Severus and I can protect you."_

> _ "If by 'Severus' you mean Professor Snape, then you're barmier than I thought, and that is really saying something. _
> 
> _ "Yes, Snape does spy for us, and I respect him for that. He risks his life with every moment of every day to make sure we survive the war. That takes a hell of a lot of courage. More than I have, I daresay."_

Severus nearly dropped his cup. He barely hid a gape of utter shock in time. _ Potter_, complimenting him? Calling him brave and honourable?

What the hell kind of alternate universe had he stepped into?

> _ "But again, headmaster, that's where the difference between survival and thriving comes into play. Snape is a bloody hero for facing Riddle every day for us, but he also loathes me. He'd sooner eat rat shite than babysit me, and I have had more than enough of being compared to 'my sainted father' who was also, apparently, 'an inhuman monster.' _
> 
> _"I don't know how many of those words are true, but they hurt regardless, and I'm sick of hearing them. And, I'm sure, Professor Snape is sick of seeing me. So just leave the man alone already. He does enough without you piling more shite on top of his head."_

Severus stared, gobsmacked. What the _ hell_? Potter hated him… didn't he?

Only… this didn't sound like any version of hate Severus had ever encountered. More like resigned acceptance and respect. But that made no sense!

More words formed in his mind, and Severus shoved his confusion aside to focus on them. Anything but the sick, creeping sensation of guilt lying cold in the pit of his stomach, of shame burning his face and hollowing out his chest.

> _ "And where do you get off saying you protected me, you barmy, lemon-addled bastard? You stole my inheritance and lordship and left me on my aunt's doorstep with nothing but a letter in the middle of the night, and in bloody winter, too! I was fifteen months old! And it's not as if you ever bothered to check on me, now is it? My aunt might have simply dropped me back into the streets and left me for dead, and you would have never known."_

Shite! Had Albus truly just dropped the boy on the Dursleys' stoop in the middle of the night? With a _letter_ to explain? In _November_? Severus already knew the line about Potter's lordship and inheritance was true. Damn.

He squirmed internally. Something was off about this.

> _ "Or maybe you would have known at that. I begin to wonder, sir, how you always manage to show up whenever I'm alone and in mortal danger. A few of those gadgets in your office are there for more than decorative purposes, yeah?"_

Ugh. Potter was right on the money about that, too. Damn. The brat was far more perceptive than Severus had ever given him credit for.

Maybe he had better start. Severus couldn't hope to find Potter if he continually underestimated him.

Shaken, Severus let his attention focus on the next paragraph and wondered what revelations _ this _one would bring.

> _ "You don't care about me beyond the fact that you want me to live and die as your weapon against evil. If you did, you would know by the number of times I've cringed when you say it, I bloody well _ loathe _ being called anyone's 'boy.' Hear that as the only name you possess other than 'freak' for ten years, and it gets wearing."_

Boy? Freak? What on earth did he mean by that? Had he truly heard nothing else for ten years? 

_ "I know you knew how bad it was _ there_." _

He recalled the images he had seen in Occlumency—a dark cupboard with a flimsy nest in the floor and a tattered teddy bear. A walrus of a man towering over a small boy, demanding that he cook another set of eggs because the first hadn't been runny enough, then dumping the entire plate in the bin. The boy's tearful eyes had never left the plate. Harry-hunting. 'Bad blood will out.' A tissue for Christmas, probably used.

Merlin. Was it possible that, all this time, Severus had misjudged the boy? Had Harry been abused? It… couldn't be, could it?

A strident, proud voice rang in his ears, as clear then as it had been twenty-three years ago. _ "I think I should have the first go, since I brought him in." _

Severus gasped silently and stiffened. Gods, not again. He slammed his Occlumency walls into place and buried the past where it belonged.

No. He couldn't fall prey to his emotions any longer. The last time he had been fool enough to try had scarred him irrevocably, inside and out. 

Potter was just seeking pity and attention. Probably playing the guilt card to get out of trouble when Albus tracked him through the letter and dragged him home by force. And worse, Albus would probably fall for it.

Severus scowled at the thought that he had almost been taken in, too.

Again.

He strengthened his shields and redoubled his vows to never let himself doubt.

And yet… Harry Potter didn't act much like his father, did he? Maybe Severus was the fool to constantly compare the two.

Gods, he could hardly keep his thoughts straight. He grabbed at the next words as they formed, desperate for puzzle pieces that fit.

> _ "Last chance, old man. One more attempt to manipulate us will send this letter up in flames and leave no trace for you to follow, and there won't be another forthcoming. No more games, no more lies. Where are the horcruxes you know of and how the bloody fuck do we find and destroy the rest?"_

_ Horcruxes_? Dear Merlin. So that was what lay in wait in Potter's scar, and what had killed Albus. 

Until Severus had to finish the job, anyway.

He swallowed a cold lump in his throat. Gods. It was enough to make him pity the boy despite his renewed promise never to let emotion cloud his judgment again.

Shite. Maybe… maybe it was the other way around. Maybe his past was clouding his perception of the present. Maybe Harry didn't deserve such constant loathing and rancour. 

He certainly didn't deserve the fate the two duelling lords had forced upon him. A weapon. A toy. A child soldier. A horcrux. A teenager. 

An innocent boy whom Severus would have to send to his death.

Severus rested his head in shaking hands and forced tears back. He couldn't show emotion, not here. Albus would use anything Severus showed a thread of compassion for as a weapon against him, but fuck! 

His fate hurt so much more when Harry was human than when Severus had seen him as his father's shadow.

That was it. The last of the letter he had seen. Severus watched Albus scribble another reply and winced. He saw no trace of humility, so he had to doubt Albus' words, whatever they were, would be anything the boy needed to hear.

Surely Harry was bluffing. He wouldn't throw away the war for foolish—

Severus jumped as the letter burst into flames. Well. Apparently, he had been wrong.

Really, he shouldn't have been surprised. He never should have doubted his experience and judgement. He had thought Harry had, at least, some little bit of honour, but no. 

A Potter would always be in it for himself.

No, Severus was not surprised at all.

Even if his heart had curled in on itself when the letter burned. It was only because it was all in vain now. It had nothing to do with the fact that Potter had let him down.

Again.

Severus forced his tears back and his thoughts away from the past with a vengeance.

"Will…." He cleared his throat and tried again. "Will you hear my report now, Albus, or are we to go traipsing across the countryside and drag Potter et al back by their ears?"

Albus' cheeks turned faintly pink. Severus jolted. If he didn't know better….

"I will hear your report. Harry can wait a few moments while we discuss what you learned."

Well fuck. The old man had no idea where Potter was, then.

_ Now _ he was surprised. How the hell had the brat managed to outsmart Albus Dumbledore? _ Twice! _

"Severus? Your report?"

Severus gathered his wits and dragged his memories of the rally to the forefront of his mind.


	17. Secret Messages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sev gets some hope. Sort of. 
> 
> More angst and a picture for Christmas (assuming I can get it to work)! 😂 Happy holidays!
> 
> Edit: as always, I need a working pc to get the pic to embed like I wanted it to. 😭 I just put a link instead.

#  **Chapter 17**

##  _ Secret Messages _

When Harry's first attempt at communication with the barmy old bastard, predictably, fell to the wayside, the group hashed out their options over tea and some of Winky's honey biscuits. The entire family had taken quite the liking to them.

"What about Bill?"

Harry dunked his biscuit in his tea. "What about him, Ron?"

Ron toyed with his own biscuit, a sign that not even his bottomless pit of a stomach could keep up with the speed of his thoughts. "Well, cursebreakers deal in all sorts of dark magic, don't they? Bill might know how to destroy horcruxes."

Hermione lifted her teacup for a sip, but stopped halfway to her mouth. "It's a valid idea."

"That would mean letting in one more person on a dangerous secret," Harry said with a frown.

"Yeah, but Bill isn't going to be facing off against You-Know-Who directly." Ron shoved his biscuit in his mouth all at once. "Heeth nod clof enuff to uff to be a rithk bethide."

Harry gave him a wry grin. "Try that again in English?"

Hermione dusted off her jumper. "And with less crumb spraying, please?"

Winky banished the mess.

"Thank you," said Harry with a chuckle.

Ron swallowed his biscuit and washed it down with some tea. "Sorry about that. I said he's not close enough to us to be a risk. He's my brother, yeah, but we don't exactly hang out all the time. You-Know-Who won't expect him to know our most dangerous secrets."

Harry tapped a biscuit on his plate, considering. "You're probably right about that. Voldemort thinks we're out of contact with everyone besides, so he wouldn't think to scan Bill's thoughts, but are you sure Bill would know anything useful?"

"No, but it's better than burning our wands out here, isn't it?"

Harry translated the wizarding phrase to mean something like 'spinning our wheels' and nodded. "I suppose so."

Kreacher frowned from behind his own cup of tea, milky and sweetened with honey instead of sugar, like all the elves preferred it. "Master Bill might be knowing how to destroy a horcrux, but he is not knowing what the others are."

Dobby nodded. "You is needing Dumblies to help eventually, Masters and Mistress. No one else is knowing what the other horcruxes might be."

Harry sighed and let his shoulders droop. "I know, but what can we do? The old man is more concerned with getting his way than saving lives."

Winky stirred her tea with a tiny spoon and stared into the distance, brow tense with concentration. "Winky is thinking that is true with the last letter we is sending, but maybe is not true now. Dumblies was thinking he could manipulate us into playing his games, but now he is knowing better. Winky thinks if you is trying again, it is working better."

Hermione nodded. "But do it through Bill. That way he can be there to take him to task in person if Dumbledore tries to weasel his way out of it again."

"Sounds like a plan." Harry took another biscuit and shook his head wryly. "A better plan than we had before anyway."

"Yeah. I just hope it works." Ron shuddered. "Otherwise… we're out of luck."

Dobby twirled his ear and bit his lip. "Maybe not completely."

Harry motioned for him to continue.

"Master Harry's mate was there when Dumblies be getting his letter last time. Dumblies was not letting him read it, but…." Dobby frowned. "But Dobby thinks Master's mate is knowing what it said anyway."

"_That _could be bad," Ron said with a grimace. "Why do you think that if Dumbledore didn't let him read it?"

"His face, Master Ron. He is making many strange expressions, many scared and upset 

expressions, but nothing was happening in the office. And when Dumblies' letter burned, he is looking… devastated. Dobby was thinking he might cry for a minute, but he only made his face go blank again and told the headmaster about the death eaters' plotting."

"Devastated?" Harry winced. "I didn't intend to terrify him."

"Dobby is thinking he knows that, deep down, but is scared to know it, too." Dobby shuddered. "Master, Dobby is thinking your mate is hurting badly."

Harry set his biscuit down and stared at the milk swirling in his tea. It blurred into a pale brown blob. His chest felt as though the Whomping Willow had knocked a hole in it. Severus. His mate. His mate was suffering.

And Harry couldn't do a damn thing about it.

"I'm sorry," he breathed, but Severus couldn't hear him. He wouldn't listen even if he could.

A silvery drop splashed into his tea and turned the top of it pearlescent. Harry pushed it aside. Ruined, just like any hope he had ever had of having a family when this was all over. His mate hated him. 

Severus wouldn't let Harry help him when he was in pain. Harry couldn't hold him, couldn't soothe his grief, couldn't even sit by his side and offer the solace of a silent presence to be with him in his dark moments. Severus was _ Snape _ outside of the confines of Harry's mind, and Snape would never let a Potter see him in such a vulnerable state. He would never let Harry near him at all.

It hurt like hell, too.

Fuzzy, jumper-covered arms wrapped him up, and Harry buried his face in Hermione's sweet-smelling shoulder. She petted Harry's hair and sniffled.

"I'm sorry, Harry. I… I don't know how to fix this."

Harry sighed and pulled back. "There's nothing to be done. He doesn't trust me, 'Mione. Even if I offered to help, he would think I'm just trying to manipulate him." He shuddered. "Or worse. I don't want to traumatize him again."

Ron squeezed Harry's hand. "You know, if you wrote him a letter… nothing too much, not at first. Maybe just a note to let him know you're okay and you haven't given up? It won't fix the past, but at least he mightn't be so scared."

Harry let out a shaky breath. "Y-yeah. Yeah, I can do that. I mean, it wouldn't fix anything between _ us _ either, but it might make us both feel a little better, at least."

"Just don't expect hearts and flowers back, Harry," Hermione warned. "He's likely to be angry."

"I don't think I'll make a letter he can reply to." Harry shook his head. "No, it would only hurt me, and maybe him, too. A note is enough."

Hermione cleared a spot on the table and summoned her writing supplies. "Come on then. We'll help you write it so he doesn't go to bed terrified."

Harry gave her a teary-eyed smile. "Thanks. I… just, thanks."

Hermione squeezed his arm. "It's what friends do."

"Yeah." Ron scooted closer. "Now, I think it's probably best to keep it short and sweet. Snape doesn't like beating around the bush…."

* * *

Severus sat before his fireplace, staring into a half-empty glass of firewhiskey and trying not to panic. Potter had burned the letter. The imprint of the flames had scarred the back of his retinas. It would probably haunt his dreams, too.

It shouldn't trouble him so much. It was only a letter, and the more he thought of it, the more he realised Potter might have been justified in burning it. Albus had spent too much time trying to convince Potter to trust him when any idiot could see that Potter had Albus' number. He should have let go of his unrealistic expectations of unquestioning hero worship and just helped the boy. 

Albus knew by now that Severus would never trust him again, after all. Why was it so hard to accept that Potter wouldn't either?

For Merlin's sake, Potter had obviously worked out that Albus had stolen his rightful inheritance and lordship. That alone was enough to destroy any semblance of rapport Albus might have built with him over the years. If any of Potter's other allegations had any merit… well, to put it bluntly, Albus was fucked. 

His crimes had, finally, come back to bite him square in the arse, but it wouldn't be Albus who paid the price, would it? 

Well, perhaps he would pay at that. He had, perhaps, three more months before the curse consumed him despite Severus' best efforts to control it. 

Still, Albus wouldn't be here to see the war go on indefinitely. To see Severus perish. Potter. Minerva. They were all fucked now, no thanks to Albus' arrogance and Potter's short fuse and selfishness. Severus had sold everything but his soul to end the war, even down to working alongside one of the bastards who had broken him and pledging his service to another, and for _ nothing_.

This was what came of trusting one's fate to a Potter. He should have known.

He downed the rest of his glass and poured another. That one, he slammed back all at once rather than mulling over it. It burned like hellfire, but Severus choked it down anyway. Anything to numb the pain.

He reached for the bottle, but it disappeared as soon as he touched it. Hippa. He had sent her away as soon as she finished treating his wounds, but she hadn't stopped watching over him. 

He gave a tear-thick snort. What did it matter? What did anything matter now?

He sighed and set the tumbler on the table. Maybe Hippa was right. Maybe he _ was _being too fatalistic. Potter had fought through every obstacle before now without balking. Albus' stubborn adherence to maintaining the reputation of a benevolent and wise leader—and his obsessive need to control everyone's fates—was annoying, to be sure, but it couldn't hold a candle to facing death down every single bloody year and coming out on top. 

Potter had stood up to literal torture throughout the entire past year, though Severus hadn't known until after the Centaurs dragged Umbridge back. He had only found out after Albus interrogated her, or he would have put a stop to it sooner. Regardless, Potter had endured it without backing down from the truth even once. He had shown dedication and mettle even Severus could appreciate—and identify with, if he was honest with himself—so why should Potter turn his back on everything now simply because Albus was being stubborn and delusional?

No, Potter wouldn't abandon everyone he loved for something so foolish. Severus had only let his fears run rampant for a little while. A moment of self-pity and weakness anyone could forgive him for.

Well, if anyone cared.

Hippa, at least, cared enough to keep him from killing himself on whiskey and letting despair have its way with him. That had to mean something. 

Even if it would mean nothing in the end.

"Thank you," he whispered to the air.

He leaned against his sofa and rubbed his aching temples. He swore his brain sloshed with the movement.

Yes, he had definitely had enough to drink.

A quiet pop ahead startled him. "Hippa?"

There was no answer, perhaps because Severus hadn't meant to call her, but rather to see if she had caused the noise. 

He dragged his head up and forced his eyes open. It took a moment for the white blob that had just appeared on his coffee table to coalesce into a sheet of parchment, and longer still for the black streaks swirling on it to stabilise into legible words. A letter?

He scanned the parchment for curses and spells, but it came up clean. Still, he didn't quite trust his spellcasting at the moment.

"Hippa?"

The little elf popped into being next to him. "Is you needing help to bed, Master Severus?"

Severus huffed. "Not yet. Would you… ugh… please ensure that this… parchment is safe to read?"

Hippa waved her hand, and blue light surrounded the letter. "It has only a spell to keep its sender from being tracked, Master. Hippa cannot remove it, sir."

"That is well enough. Thank you."

She kept her expression of gratitude quiet in light of his obvious headache. Severus picked up the parchment when she calmed and forced his eyes to focus.

> _ Professor Snape, _
> 
> _ I know you're looking for me. _

A bolt of shock pinged against Severus' ribcage and shot into the base of his spine. Potter. What the hell? 

> _ You won't find me until it's time to end this for good, sir, but I want you to also know I didn't leave Hogwarts out of cowardice. _
> 
> _ My life was in terrible danger. I had no choice but to leave, and my friends came with me because, well, they're the only family I've got. _
> 
> _ I'm still fighting, sir. I haven't, and won't, turn my back on my duty as long as Riddle is still here to make everyone's lives miserable. _
> 
> _ I know you hate me, and have no expectations that this letter could possibly alter that one way or the other. I just thought you might need to know. _
> 
> _ Sincerely, _
> 
> _ H. _

Severus stared at the letter, unable to make sense of the words. He didn't think it was the alcohol either.

Why in all the nine hells would Potter send such a letter to _ him_? What could he possibly hope to gain? It wasn't as if Severus would fall for his tricks.

Wait. Tricks. Was this another letter he could reply to? Hippa hadn't detected such a charm, but it might have been hidden. Severus summoned a biro—too drunk for quills and ink—and wrote a reply.

_ "What the hell are you on about, Potter, and where in Merlin's name are you?" _

But the parchment didn't change. After a few moments, Severus shoved it away in disgust. 

So it wasn't a trick. Or at least not one meant to bring about any immediate outcome.

Did that mean Potter actually cared enough to make sure Severus knew he hadn't abandoned his cause? 

Why? How? Severus would have expected a letter like this to go to Minerva or Molly, not himself.

Wait. That must be it. Potter must have sent some kind of note like this out to the entire Order. It wasn't some grand gesture for Severus alone, only a courtesy copy. 

Still, the fact that Potter hadn't ignored him eased something tight and aching within Severus' chest, if only for a moment.

He leaned back with a sigh. Even if it had been for him alone, it wouldn't matter soon. The spell that killed Albus would finish Severus, too.

Severus dropped his head into his hands and stared at the letter for a long time.

***

[Pen and ink drawing of Severus staring at Harry's letter.](https://flic.kr/p/2i2J7KA)


	18. Hubris Handled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter count went up again. I'm working through the middle section and writing chapters I had only plotted out before, and some of them are coming out longer than anticipated. Yay writing fun.
> 
> Also, this book is dark af, fair warning. I just finished writing the scene after Charity Burbage's death and dear _gods_. Poor Sev.
> 
> So this chapter is pretty angsty (as is the whole damn story until like the last few paragraphs lol), but not quite as bad as what's right around the corner. So, I figured I'd put this up now and start the sucker punching after Christmas. You're welcome! 😂
> 
> Merry Angstmas, everyone! 😂💀
> 
> * * *

#  **Chapter 18**

##  _ Hubris Handled _

Harry and his human friends piled onto the sofa, and Dobby and Winky hopped up into their laps. Harry held an excitable Winky steady as a screen of sorts formed in front of him, taking up the entirety of one wall. An image of Dumbledore's office filled the screen. It rankled Harry that the old bastard was actually _ in _it, working on paperwork for something, when he hadn't been about for most of the year. 

Harry frowned to himself. Then again, maybe Dumblefuck had just been holed up in his office all year trying to deal with the pain of his curse. Maybe he had simply not been well enough to attend meals in the great hall or putter about the castle.

Harry shook off a wave of foreboding. Sure, the old goat hadn't been especially forthcoming about it, but when was he ever? Still, Harry couldn't push aside the worry that maybe that curse was worse than Dumbledore let on.

"Doesn't look too good, does he?"

Ron's observation only redoubled Harry's worries. True, the arsehole had committed a lot of crimes he had yet to answer for, but what would happen to the school, to the Light, if Dumbledore died?

He didn't want to think of it.

One of the portraits said in a breathless voice, "Bill Weasley is at the gargoyle, sir."

Ah. So that was how the wily old bastard always knew. Anything to make himself seem all-powerful.

A chime sounded. Dumbledore put on his most benevolent smile. "Ah, come in, Bill. How pleasant to see you."

"Sneaky bastard," Ron muttered.

Harry had to agree.

Bill stepped into the office, expression hard. "Is it true?"

Dumbledore blinked several times. "Is what true, dear boy?"

Bill snarled and slammed the parchment Ron had sent that morning on the desk. "Is it true that you piled the task of finding You-Know-Who's horcruxes onto three sixteen-year-olds—?"

Dumbledore gasped. "You mustn't speak of—"

"So it _ is _ true. You sent three teenagers who have no bloody idea how to destroy them or what they are after _ horcruxes_?"

Dumbledore reached for his wand. 

"Dobby," Harry cried, "protect Bill!"

Dobby vanished.

"_Obliviate_!" 

The spell bounced off a horrified Bill and crashed into the portrait that had announced him. Served the interfering biddy right.

Bill took out his own wand and assumed a fighter's stance. "So that's how it's going to be, huh? Well, I don't know if I'll win, you twisted old bastard, but I sure as hell won't go down easy."

Dumbledore coughed nervously. "That should not have—well, there is no need for violence between allies."

"I'm not the one who attacked!"

"Bloody hypocritical arsehole," muttered Phineas Nigellus, but he was looking at Dumbledore when he said it.

Bill waved for the portrait to be silent. "What the hell is _ wrong _ with you, old man? You would attack one of your strongest fighters when you're cursed, and for _ what_? To hide the knowledge of horcruxes from me? What makes you think an _ Obliviate _ would work on me when I have charms and talismans against offensive spells on me at all times?"

Dumbledore looked to his earring. 

"That's just for decoration, you piece of shite. Won't do you any good to try to remove it. Might get you thrown in Azkaban though, so I suggest you sit the fuck down and reconsider your priorities before I decide you've gone too barmy to be trusted with the secrets of the war and _ Obliviate _you!"

Dumbledore rubbed his forehead and obeyed. "It was only for the greater good. You should never have known."

"I'm a ruddy _ cursebreaker_, you idiot! Destroying dark magic is my _ job_!"

Dumbledore sighed and summoned a teapot. "Sit down and have a cup of—"

"How stupid do you think I am, Dumbledore? You just tried to _ Obliviate _ me. I'll never trust you again, and I'm sure as hell not drinking your tea. Merlin knows what awful things you might put in it."

By the way his eyelid twitched slightly, Harry gathered that had been Dumbledore's backup plan. He tried lemon drops next, but Bill looked at him as if he had lost the plot.

"_No_, I don't want a bloody lemon drop, nor do I want any other substance you might have stashed away. Did you not just hear me say I don't trust you any longer? As soon as I leave this office, I'm going straight to Gringotts to make sure there are no strange spells or substances in me as is."

Dumbledore slumped in defeat. "Very well. What _ do _you want from me?"

"The horcruxes. Now. What are they and how do we destroy them? Oh, and just to be sure you don't get up to any other tricks… _ Veritas Nimbus_!"

A cloud of white mist formed in the office and vanished.

"I'd really appreciate it if you didn't attempt to bullshite me any longer," Bill said with a cold smile, "but at least now I'll have verifiable proof if you do."

Harry called, "Dobby."

The elf reappeared and gave Harry a questioning look. 

"Keep protecting Bill, and make sure Dumblefuck can't beat that spell."

Dobby nodded and vanished. 

Dumbledore was in the middle of another attempt to wriggle out of Bill's grasp. "—all friends here, after all. I'm sure such a tiring spell is not necessary."

The cloud around Dumbledore's mouth turned red. The old man stared at it in shock.

"My spell disagrees." Bill gave Dumbledore a smile like the edge of a scimitar. "What's the matter, old man? Disappointed that your attempt to evade me failed?"

"No, no, of course not. I—" 

The air turned crimson again.

"Am I going to have to rip the truth out of your mind by force, Albus?"

Dumbledore frowned. "I am a master mind mage."

"And I'm a master legilimens. Also, I think we both have seen today that your powers aren't at their best. It's highly inadvisable to keep trying to slither out of this, Dumbledore. I'm getting more than a little angry with you, and a Weasley's magic is always more potent when they're full of righteous wrath. So? What's it going to be?"

"I'm afraid I don't know much more about the horcruxes than you do. I—" The cloud turned red again. "How…? I do not understand."

"Old man, you have ten seconds to stop lying and tell me what you know before I start tearing the truth from your lemon-addled mind. Ten. Nine."

"My boy, surely we can come to a consensus."

"Five. Four."

Dumbledore grimaced. "Oh, very well." He rubbed his forehead in weariness. "The truth is that I do not know, beyond a doubt, what his horcruxes are."

The mist stayed white, for once.

"But you have suspicions and evidence."

"Nothing solid, my boy. Only suppositions and—"

The mist turned red. Bill raised his wand.

"One more lie, old man, and I cast."

Dumbledore clutched at his teacup. "Can you not see I am _ trying _ to—"

"_Legili_—"

"Very well! On your head be it!" Dumbledore slumped onto his desk. "Evidence points to the artefacts of the Hogwarts founders. The locket of Slytherin. The cup of Hufflepuff. The diadem of Ravenclaw. Gryffindor has no remaining artefacts but the sword and the sorting hat, and I am certain that neither is a horcrux. Beyond that, I have already destroyed the ring of the Gaunt family, and Harry destroyed the journal of Tom Riddle's teenage self."

"That's five, old man. What's the sixth?"

Dumbledore hesitated. "Nagini, I think. For Harry to have seen through her eyes when she attacked your father, she must retain some aspect of Tom's being."

Bill frowned. "A living horcrux?"

"She is not the first." Dumbledore folded his hands in his lap. "I believe Riddle intended to use Harry's death to create his final horcrux. When his plans did not go as expected, he had little other choice but to use what he had available to create it. Nagini is what was left."

Bill nodded. "And the rest of my questions?"

Dumbledore sighed and gave in.

* * *

As Dumbledore didn't have a solid location for all the horcruxes, the others soon grew weary of watching him argue with Bill. Kreacher, who had nothing to do with Snape safe in his rooms, offered to stay and listen. Harry asked him to protect Bill and keep Dumbledore from lying in Dobby's stead, and the rest of the household went on with their day.

That night, Bill sent a letter. He spent three feet of parchment ranting on Dumbledore's idiocy and betrayal, not that Harry blamed him, and finally revealed what they had worked out between them.

> _ "We don't know where the diadem is. It was lost for centuries, so how You-Know-Who found it in the first place is a mystery. That one will be tough to find. _
> 
> _ "Albus, bastard that he is, believes the locket is hidden in a cave. It's much too dangerous for you lot. There are inferi everywhere and blood curses and poison. You'd be best served leaving that one to Albus and myself or Snape. _
> 
> _ "I'll handle the cup, too. We suspect it's in the Lestranges' vault, and that will take some hard negotiation to procure. I'm honestly not sure I have the funds for it. Let me get an initial figure from the goblins and we'll go from there. Believe me, it'll take me a while to even get to that point, so we've got time. _
> 
> _ "As for dealing with any horcruxes you _ do _ find, you have to destroy it beyond magical repair. For that, you'll need basilisk venom, holy fire, or fiendfyre, and for Merlin's sake, be careful if you use any of them. _
> 
> _ "Holy fire would be safest, but humans can't wield it, so I'm not sure how you're going to get your hands on it. The other two are extremely dangerous, so make sure to research both and ways to shield yourselves before you even think of wielding them. Fiendfyre, in particular, has a bad habit of turning on its caster. I can't ask you to promise to never use it, because we do have to destroy these godsawful things, but please, for the love of Merlin, find another way. _
> 
> _ "Whatever you do, be careful. I want to see all three of you at the wedding. We set the date for August 1, Harry, so you can come celebrate your birthday here if you want and stay overnight for it." _

"Holy fire, hmm?" 

Harry gave Hermione a questioning look. 

"Sunguards can wield holy fire after they're fully mature. You'll actually be immersed in it on your seventeenth birthday. It won't hurt you, but it will purify you and activate your full powers."

Harry gaped. "You mean I'm going to get _ stronger_?"

Hermione shrugged. "I'm not sure if 'stronger' is the right word. Cores don't change overnight. You'll just be… more complete."

Ron shook his head. "Whatever it means for Harry, I can tell you what it means for us. In a few months, we'll have a safe, guaranteed way to destroy the horcruxes."

"I don't think I want Dumblefuck to know that," said Harry with a grim expression. "He'd go mad trying to find me and work out the truth, and he might succeed. Let's just make sure Bill knows to keep that detail between us. He won't hurt me for it."

Ron nodded. "Go on and write him then."

Harry took a charmed piece of parchment from Hermione.

> _ "We know how to destroy them, then, or we will in a few months. Please make sure Dumblefuck never finds this out, and don't tell anyone else until I'm ready, but I'm not human. That's why I left school, in part. I'll have holy fire after my 17th birthday, so we can destroy them once I'm fully mature. _
> 
> _ "We already have the locket. It was at Grimmauld Place. Dungface nicked it along with everything else not nailed down, but we got it back. So it must be the diadem in the cave. And yeah, inferi and poison? That's in your wheelhouse and Snape's, for sure. That one's all yours. _
> 
> _ "We can't stay over for my birthday. People will expect me to be there. They'll be watching. _
> 
> _ "We will see you at the wedding, though. Hermione wants to know if it's okay to wear pale periwinkle, whatever the hell that is, or if it's too close to white. She's going to send a… switch along?" _
> 
> _ "Swatch, you berk." _
> 
> _ "A swatch then. Anyway, we'll see you there. Ask Fleur about the colour and how we should hide ourselves and get back to us. Love, and thanks for wrangling the wanker into shape."_
> 
> _Harry, Ron, and Hermione_

Harry sent the letter along with Hermione's swatch and picked up a plain piece of parchment.

> _ S, _
> 
> _ We know how to defeat all the bits of him now and where most of them are. Just need you to keep him hopping a little longer. And thank you, for all you risk for us. _
> 
> _ H. _

Harry passed the letter to Kreacher. "Please take that to Snape. Don't be seen."

Kreacher bowed and popped away.

* * *

Severus stared at Potter's second note in utter confusion. Minerva's conversation through the day had made it clear Potter had sent her no such letter. Why had he sent them to _ him_?

_ "Thank you for all you risk for us." _

Severus traced his finger over the words and let out a shaky breath. In twenty years, no one had expressed anything other than suspicion and mistrust for his sacrifices. That the first display of gratitude he should ever witness came from the one student he had mistreated most….

He bowed his head and laid the letter on the table, hands shaking. It was bittersweet. Someone _ finally _believed in him. Perhaps the most unlikely person of all.

And in a few short weeks, Severus would have to tear the veil away and become a monster to everyone all over again. Including Potter.

No, not 'Potter,' _ Harry_. 

Potter had never been so kind, whatever he thought of himself.

Severus blinked back tears and sent the letter to his bookshelf. It was dangerous to keep it, but if he was to survive the next year, he would need it, this proof that someone, somewhere, had seen him for what he was, once.

He wedged the note into _ One-Thousand and One Cures for the Weak and Infirm _ and thought it ironically appropriate. It would certainly prove some sort of balm when he grew weary and desolate over the next few months.

With that, he lowered his head into his hands, blocked his floo and office door, and wept.

Fuck, but it hurt to be so alone.


	19. Shadows Close In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *laughs in evil author*  
Apologies in advance. The angst is strong with this one (and the next several).

#  **Chapter 19**

##  _ Shadows Close In _

A knock reverberated in Severus' office like the toll of a funeral bell, and Severus struggled to contain a wave of panic. All month long, the dread of coming destruction had itched under his skin and turned his stomach cold, growing stronger with every passing day, until he felt it would consume him.

Today. His world would end today. 

And its doom was at the door.

Severus took a shuddering breath and forced his terror into his mental shields. He would need every ounce of his cunning and strength to make it through this confrontation intact.

"Enter."

Severus hid the tremor in his hands by folding them on his desk. He kept his expression utterly blank as he met a pair of haunted grey eyes. 

A pair of haunted grey eyes several decades older than the ones he had expected to see. 

"Lucius?"

The once-dapper, elite wizard had seen better days. His clothes needed mending and the bags under his eyes could have held Severus' entire pharmacopoeia. 

"Good afternoon, Severus." Lucius brushed fraying silver-blond hair behind his shoulders and sat before Severus' desk, sans invitation.

That, at least, hadn't changed.

Severus regarded the man with wary uncertainty. Lucius was an unknown variable.

Severus hated unknown variables.

"What, pray tell, is the purpose of this impromptu visit, Lucius?"

The man swallowed hard. If Severus didn't know better, he would think the man was just as terrified as himself.

Well, considering what Lucius stood to lose if it all went tits up, perhaps he was.

Lucius' hands clenched into fists and released. A nervous habit rather than a sign of anger.

"Severus, in the years past, you have shown some… passing fondness for my son."

Severus acknowledged the comment with a slight nod.

"The… task he has been ordered to complete… the first part will happen tonight."

Severus' heart clenched. Oh gods.

"I… if… there is any compassion for Draco in your heart remaining, I… would ask you to… protect him. Please." Lucius' thoughts went on, though Severus sensed an occlumency wall between them. _ [And for the love of Merlin, stop him before he ruins what little hope of a future we have left. Before the dark lord destroys us all.] _A massive jolt of dread and grief came with Lucius' thoughts and convinced Severus he meant them.

Severus forced his expression steady despite the ringing shock thrumming through his veins. _ Stop _ Draco? Lucius wasn't loyal? What the _ hell_?

Severus steadied his shields and his breath before he dared speak. "What would you have me do, Lucius? I have attempted to offer aid all term. He has spurned every attempt for fear I will steal his glory."

_'Glory indeed.'_

Lucius met his eyes, and for the first time in his memory, Severus saw something other than greed and lust for power behind them.

Something like courage. Well. Wonders never ceased.

"I think, Severus, that you and I both know what the cost of this madness will be, not just to the Malfoy line, but to Britain as a whole. Protect him, Severus. Protect him from madmen and soldiers, and protect him from himself. Please."

Severus gave him a calculating look. "One might think you are not as loyal as you appear, Lucius. One might, upon thinking this, take such information to the dark."

"But you won't, Severus, if for nothing more than loyalty to an old friend. Will you protect him?"

More of an acquaintance and training partner than friend, but it _was _true that Lucius had helped him at a time when he had no one else left.

Severus searched Lucius' motives for a trap, but intuition made it clear the man had no ill intent, and Severus had learned years ago never to doubt his instincts. He sighed and let his shoulders slump. 

"If you had asked me directly after the start of this catastrophe, I might have been able to help, but now, it is far too late. The puppets are already in motion, and the dark is not the only side pulling the strings. I am trapped, Lucius. I can no more stop this madness than I can shift the world on its axis." He closed his eyes in grief. "But I have already vowed to protect your son, and I will uphold it as best as I am able, though it will cost me everything."

Lucius took a shuddering breath. "That is… more than I expected. Thank you, Severus. For what it is worth."

Severus nodded. "Your wife… get her out while you can."

"I will not leave Draco behind, and neither will she."

"Then, Lucius, we can only pray that we are all alive to see the aftermath of this tragedy come morning."

"Yes." Lucius stood. "Good luck, Severus."

"We shall all need it."

Lucius bowed and left. Severus sank into his seat and buried his head in his hands. 

Tonight. The world would come to a halt tonight.

In the quiet of his office, he shed a few silent tears and remembered the last child he had sworn to protect. This time, Severus promised himself, he wouldn't fail.

He couldn't afford to fail.

Gods help him. Gods help them all.

* * *

Severus jolted at a second knock upon his door. He braced himself for the meeting he had expected originally, swallowed a surge of terror, and forced his voice level.

"Enter."

"Good afternoon, my boy."

Again, not Draco. Severus begun to think he had placed too much faith in the boy's humanity and that he wouldn't see him today at all. 

Not until 'the proper moment,' anyway. Not until all the chess pieces were in play and the trap was set for the black king.

Gods, the old man was a bastard.

Albus stepped into the office, twinkle diminished, and gave Severus a false smile. "Ah, Severus. I am glad you have not yet left to make preparations for the evening to come."

Severus snarled. His grip tightened around his quill, and he laid it aside before he destroyed the delicate instrument in his sudden fury.

"I have already sold my life, my freedom, and my voice in service of your _ noble _cause, Albus." Severus slammed the door behind the bastard and stood, glaring with all his strength. "I suppose even that is not enough for you now? Have you come to take my soul as well? Or, perhaps, you've simply come seeking a choice cut of steak?" He held out his arms and turned in a slow circle, lip curled in a sardonic sneer. "I'm afraid you'll find any selection I might offer to be tough and gamy, but then, such is the consequence of living life on the fringes of society as you have so generously ordained I should do. Should I also brew a potion to tenderize myself for your culinary convenience? Perhaps aid you in your choice of wine? I have heard a fine merlot goes well with charbroiled slave."

Albus raised an eyebrow. "I see your sarcasm is still in fine form, Severus, but I'm afraid I am still rather full from the chicken salad sandwich I had for lunch."

"Pity," Severus muttered. "What do you want now, Albus?"

"I simply stopped by to inform you that I shall not be in the castle until, perhaps, eight o' clock tonight."

Severus' hands curled into fists. "Now? You are leaving the castle _ now_? When, in a few short hours, Draco Malfoy will be leading anywhere from ten to thirty death eaters directly onto school property? Have you made any attempt to warn the professors of trouble? The students?"

Albus frowned and stroked his beard. "I think you know why we cannot afford to warn the school."

Severus snarled. "I know why _ I _cannot warn the school, but you have spent the past half a century building the reputation of an omnipotent, all-knowing grandfather wizard. No one would question you, if you were to suggest you have heard a rumour of trouble and put a few safety precautions in place. Unless, of course, you never had even as much decency as concerning yourself with your reputation alone would require, and are, instead, no better than any other power-hungry fool in the Ministry."

Albus' eyelid twitched. "My motivations are not the issue here, Severus. If Tom should trace the source of my forewarning back to you, we shall both perish, and all our work would be for naught."

Severus slammed his fist into the desktop. "The entire purpose of our _ work_, Albus, is to protect the school. If we allow students to be slaughtered, what the hell is the point?"

Albus removed a lemon drop from his pocket. "There may, of course, be unavoidable losses. It is regrettable, but there is nothing else to be done." He popped the sweet in his mouth without showing so much of a glimmer of said regret. "If you are caught, there is nothing to stand between Riddle and Hogwarts after tonight."

"Tonight." Severus' fury choked him and turned the air around him silvery-violet. "So. You expect me to sit here and do nothing while students are slaughtered, all for the greater fucking good, while you gallivant across the country, and _ still _you ask that small favour of me?"

"Yes, and you will do it." Albus laid all semblance of benevolence aside and fixed Severus with a cold scowl. "Or have you forgotten, Severus, whom it is that you serve?"

Several of Severus' replacement specimen jars exploded. A few shards of glass cut his cheek, but it was worth it to see Albus' beard dripping in embalmed ingredients. 

"No, _ sir_, I have not."

Severus served the school and the children first and Albus only because he was forced. Let the old fool believe he would go along with this plan of inaction. The arse wouldn't be there to know the truth.

"See that you do not forget it again." Albus banished the mess from his beard. "Until tonight, Severus, _ do _remember to keep your silence."

A rush of molten fury stabbed Severus in the gut and set his aura sparking. Rage burning in his veins, he threw an inkpot at the door beside the bastard and watched it shatter. Red ink splattered Albus' face and robes, like the blood of Severus' life and innocence stained his hands. 

"Get out of my sight, you disgusting, soulless, demon of a man! Get out, before I decide a few hours is too long to wait and carry out your orders this moment!"

Albus gave him one last frigid look and left, good riddance to him.

"Bastard!" 

Severus summoned a specimen jar and threw it at the wall. It shattered and sprayed everywhere, but he hardly cared amidst such a blistering inferno of outrage and fury. 

"Soulless… ruthless… heartless _ bastard_!" Severus punctuated each word with a new jar thrown against any surface in range and finished his release with a scream of frustrated fury.

"Shite." 

He sank into his office chair and rested his head in shaking hands. Tears stung his eyes, and he was too far gone to deny them release. 

_ 'You were right, you piece of rotten thestral shite. I _ will _ take great pleasure in ending your rule of cruelty under the guise of perceived goodness.' _

Severus let himself grieve for a moment, then did what he always did when faced with a terrible situation no one should have to endure: he pulled himself up by his bootstraps and carried on. There was no time to fall to pieces like this, and gods forbid Draco or one of his other dark Slytherins should come now. 

With a deep breath, Severus pulled his magic and focus back into his core and used his anger to fuel his mental shields. After a moment, the forced calm of hard occlumency eased his wild emotions, and Severus could breathe again.

Merlin, what a mess. He vanished the broken glass, ink, and splattered ingredients and cast an air freshening charm. With his office looking presentable again, Severus cleaned his boots, clothes, face, and hair, and winced at the sting of cleaning charms against his cut cheek and jaw. Ugh.

He summoned his medical kit and conjured a mirror. Six deep cuts marred the skin across his cheekbone and along the edge of his jaw. He wondered how he hadn't felt them since the first blast, but then, Severus rarely grew angry to the extent that his aura showed. That kind of anger could get him, or others, hurt.

He dabbed antiseptic on his cheek and winced at the burn. Hurt like this, perhaps? 

The thought reminded him of the last time his jars had proved a threat. Strange how such a small loss of control should cut him when he had not been harmed in Harry's mass explosion a few months before. Perhaps he needed to renew the charms on his robe.

Later, perhaps. In a few short hours, it would hardly matter anyway. 

He had bigger concerns. 

To hell with Albus' ruthless unconcern. Perhaps he mightn't be able to save them all, but damned if Severus would sit back and do _ nothing_.

With a snarl, Severus sat and gathered a piece of parchment and his writing supplies. He used his right hand to disguise his handwriting, a trick he had taught himself at the start of his career as a spy, and spelled the parchment so that no trace of his magic or identity would find its way into the ink.

> _ The old man is weakening and out of the castle. The dark knows. Make sure the students are safe before sundown. _

Severus let the parchment roll up naturally and called for his house elf friend. "Hippa."

The elf did not appear immediately, and when she did, she had a black eye and several burned fingers.

"Hippa!" Severus grabbed his medical kit from the desk and raced to her side. "Merlin, what happened?"

Hippa gave him a dark grin missing one tooth. "The old headmaster is ordering us not to answer your calls today, but Hippa is not listening."

Severus snarled and slammed his fist into the side of his desk. "That sadistic, treacherous, murderous piece of flobberworm shite! Gods!" He measured a house elf sized dose of potion into a cup and gave it to his friend. "Thank you, Hippa." He began treating her burns with gentle care and a hitch in his breath. "Your loyalty to me may save many lives tonight, yours included."

Hippa shivered. "Oh, Master. What is you needing Hippa to do?"

"For the moment, wait until I have finished healing you. Then, I have a letter for you to deliver." He gave her a grim look. "Since I am not able to call you again today without causing you harm, I will tell you now: the death eaters will be in the castle tonight. Do what you can to protect the staff and students, all except for the miserable old bastard, and get your people who are unwilling or unable to fight to safety."

Hippa grimaced. "Hippa is doing as her true master says."

"Your friend, Hippa. I am your friend, not your master."

"Hippa is grateful to have you as her friend," she said through huge tears, "but I is serving you anyway, Master Severus."

He hugged her gently. "Thank you."

She buried a few tears on his shoulder. Severus shed a few on hers, too. Would she still want to serve him after tonight, when he had no choice but to make a stand for the wrong side? Would Severus lose his last friend for the monster who had hurt and enslaved them both?

Well, it didn't matter. Regardless of where Albus' morals skewed, Severus' demanded that student lives came before his own. And that meant he had to be in position to protect the school, even if that also meant he had to take the fall for the bastard who had endangered it in the first place.

At least he could say now, without a doubt, summoning up the necessary hatred to kill Albus Dumbledore in cold blood would not be a problem.

Severus went on treating her wounds, and, in the back of his mind, he seethed.

* * *

The relief in Draco's eyes when Minerva had announced an early curfew as a precautionary measure during a time of potential threat assured Severus that the boy was not beyond saving despite the fact that he had not warned Severus of the coming attack. Severus wondered, as he stood in the shadows of the astronomy tower and watched Draco face Albus down, if, somewhere deep down, Albus still cared about Draco's life. If, somewhere under the ruthlessness and brutal adherence to plots and plans no matter the cost, a shred of human compassion remained.

"Draco, you are not a killer."

No? The boy had attempted to kill his classmates all year. Slughorn certainly would have died on Draco's poisoned mead had the old fool not attempted to offer a cup to Severus first. 

_ Severus sniffed at the cup Horace had just poured for him. Mead? It smelled of wormwood. With a shudder, he dumped it onto the floor and watched the flagstone smoke and turn black. _

_ "Hmm. I find I am more of a firewhiskey kind of man at the moment." _

_ Horace gaped at the ruined floor, mopped his brow, and gave a shaky nod. "Yes. Firewhiskey sounds wonderful right about now. Merlin." _

_ Severus snorted and summoned a glass for the pompous idiot. And scanned it for poison twice before he passed it on._

The memory made him recall Albus' callous behaviour that afternoon and how many lives might have perished tonight had Severus and Hippa not gone against Albus' orders.

No. The old bastard didn't care about Draco or his life. This was no show of concern for a redeemable student gone far too close to the edge. He simply wanted to stay Draco's hand long enough for Severus to swoop in and ensure that his grand scheme would go as he wished. 

For an instant Severus debated staying in the shadows and watching the old man's plotting turn to dust. Let someone else take the fall for this bastard. Severus certainly cared nothing for him.

No. Much as he would love to rub the arsehole's nose in it, Severus had vowed to end Albus' pain for more than the sake of a demented old man who viewed human lives as chess pieces.

Draco lowered Albus' wand. He, unlike the monster masquerading as a benevolent old man, still possessed some semblance of humanity.

Images of the past flickered through Severus' mind as he stepped into Draco's place. A boy with hazel eyes behind foolish spectacles and roguish good looks, leering, taunting. Cruelty, greed, and arrogance personified. _ "Who wants to see me take Snivellus' pants off?" _

Another boy, pudgy and short with darting blue eyes, hiding in wait for his chance to pillage and steal and kill. _ "I'm not waiting my turn this time." _

Another boy with brighter blue eyes and a shaggy black mane scowling, cursing, stripping the skin off Severus' hide. _ "You broke them! It's all your fault!" _

A fourth boy with placid amber eyes who tried, at least, to save Severus while he could _ "It's okay now, Severus. I have you." _

A girl who hadn't believed Severus when he came to her for help, the way the trust and affection in her verdant eyes had shifted to wrath and outrage, and not for Severus' sake.

_ "Gryffindors don't do things like that, Sev! You're lying!" _

And another pair of blue eyes, wrinkled and too keen, hiding behind a façade of kindness and concern. _ "I'm afraid, for the sake of everyone involved, we must keep these crimes a secret, my boy." _

Those same eyes stared at him now, relief and a hint of triumph clear in their depths.

"Severus, please."

As Severus raised his wand, more images came to mind. A pair of brilliant green eyes, shimmering with tears of hurt and fury and terror, and a tousle-haired child standing up to Severus anyway. All defiance and bravado and honest pain. 

He remembered the look in Harry's eyes the last day he had seen him. Fearful, desperate for help, and bleeding remorse. The past had obscured the truth of him that day, but when Severus stood face-to-face with true cruelty and ruthlessness and self-centred greed, he saw the purity and honour behind Harry's eyes.

_ "Thank you, sir, for all you do for us." _

Harry wouldn't thank him for this. Not until the very end, perhaps, when Severus' memories tore away the veil of of Albus' version of truth. 

But Severus would know. He would know who he had truly stepped into the breach to help, and he would know why.

And maybe that was enough.

Severus aimed at the old man's head and recalled every hurt, every injustice, every lie in pursuit of 'the greater good' that only ever seemed to benefit those Albus viewed as worthy, and perhaps just Albus. He remembered, and let his anger consume him.

"_Avada Kedavra_!"

The spell hurt as it exacted its cost upon him, a price paid in blood for blood, but Severus stayed stony and watched, impassive, as the greatest manipulator Britain had ever known went sailing head over feet off of the astronomy tower, aglow in a wash of brilliant green light.

It was over. 

Or so he thought.

"Traitor."

The word, hissed in a tone of dark menace from the shadowed parapet ahead, set Severus' blood tingling and lifted the hairs on the back of his neck. 

Fuck! Albus hadn't come to the tower alone. 

A tall, strong man with long red hair, flashing blue eyes, and a fang earring stepped out of the shadows, face twisted in pain and fury. "Fucking _ traitor_!"

Bill Weasley. Shite!

"_Decapullo_!"

The decapitation curse? Dear _ gods_. Bill wasn't playing games. Severus ducked, grabbed a whimpering Draco, and ran straight for the shadowed edge of the tower. With any luck, he could escape off the edge before Bill worked out his secret.

He dropped off the edge of the tower and took flight. Draco screamed, but the tower shrank rapidly into the horizon behind him, and Severus dared to relax.

His relief was short-lived. Bill had tricks of his own. 

The man conjured a zipline and handles and zoomed off the tower like a shot. He hit the ground running, and Severus scrambled to stay ahead of him. He dragged Draco's hand and made a mad dash for the gates, ducking and dodging curses as he went. _ Lethal _curses. Fuck. If Bill caught either of them, they were done for.

Ten feet from the gates, a cutting curse hit Severus in the leg, and he toppled into the mud with a cry. Draco tore away for the gates like the coward he was, leaving Severus to die. Of _ course _he had. Severus had only sacrificed everything to save his miserable hide. 

Bill hit him with something else. Severus was sure it wasn't the _ Cruciatus_, but it sure as hell hurt like it. He didn't die at the end of it, so at least it hadn't been immediately lethal.

"Traitor," Bill hissed. "I'll kill you where we stand, and I'd be justi—"

A burst of yellow light hit Bill in the chest and knocked him back. A house elf. 

Hippa. 

Severus knew she wouldn't let Bill die, but he still checked that the man was moving before he hobbled away towards the gates. Fuck. He could hardly breathe for pain, but unless he kept moving, Bill would finish him off before he—

A curse shot for his back. Severus dodged by use of intuition and the feel of the magic as it approached. He gave a quiet whimper of pain and despair. Fucking Albus! Of all the people to take with him on his little jaunt outside the castle that night, why the hell had he chosen one of the most dangerous members of the Order? Everything hinged on Severus' survival!

Unless Albus had played Severus all along. Unless Albus had wanted Severus to take his secrets to the grave.

Horror and tears blinded him, but he blinked them down viciously. No time for grief in the middle of a firefight.

"_Decapu_—shite!" 

Severus glanced back at a screeching cry and caught a glimpse of a house elf riding a hippogriff. The beast slammed its hooves down in front of Bill, a yellow shield shot up between them, and Bill skidded to a halt.

A _ hippogriff_? Merlin! How the hell had Hippa managed _ that_?

Severus whipped back around and sprinted for the gates as best as he could. A curse exploded into the ground beside him, and Severus yelped. 

Shite! Bill had broken through. No time for grace, then. 

Heart thundering in his ears, Severus dove across the wardline, tucked his limbs in tight, and used the force of his tumble to apparate away.


	20. Betrayed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Resolution to cliffie and angstfest incoming!

#  **Chapter 20**

##  _ Betrayed _

Severus landed hard on his injured leg and crumpled to the floor of his childhood home. He could do nothing but breathe for a moment, lost in pain and terror as he was, but as the red haze eased from his mind, grief came crashing in.

Murderer. He was a murderer.

And despite the fact that the world was, probably, much better off without such a ruthless arsehole in charge of Hogwarts, and Albus' quick and painless death had been a mercy, no one would understand that now.

_ 'Traitor!' _

Severus breathed out harshly. "I did it for you. For all of you, and for Harry."

But no one would hear him. No one would care now, even if they could.

He let himself grieve for a moment, shuddering through the release of adrenaline, but he couldn't linger here. The Order knew where to find him, and the dark lord was waiting. The longer he tarried, the greater the risk either side would find and kill him.

Severus cast a temporary blood ward, blocking everyone but himself from entering the grounds. He didn't have the power to maintain it beyond the night, but it would do to keep him safe while he treated his injuries and gathered his wits. A dose of anti-_ Cruciatus _ draught eased the residual tremors of whatever Bill had hit him with—maybe it _ had _been the torture curse after all—and that allowed Severus to strip off his muddy clothes and check his leg. 

Shit. Bill had cut a deep swathe from his ankle to just above the back of his knee. Half an inch deeper would have hamstringed him. 

No doubt, that had been Bill's plan. Disable him and kill him once he was down. _ Fuck_.

Severus shuddered at how close he had come, healed his cut, and summoned a fresh outfit. He tied his hair back to keep it out of the way while it was wet and donned a spare cloak.

That was it. Time to face the music.

Severus took a few deep breaths, poured his grief and fear into his mental shields, and apparated to Wiltshire.

Lucius was waiting at the gates. "Severus," he whispered, and the rush of relief that came on the sound eased Severus' pain somewhat. "Thank Merlin. Are you injured?"

Severus shook his head. "I have already treated it."

"Ah. Draco—"

Severus scowled. "Has already arrived, I'm sure."

"Yes. The dark lord is awaiting your report. I…." He leaned on Severus' shoulder for an instant. "Thank you, and gods, forgive me."

Severus squeezed Lucius' arm briefly and followed him into the manor.

* * *

Harry had expected Kreacher back by midnight, when Snape generally ended his patrols and returned to his quarters, but the clock had just struck two, and Kreacher still hadn't returned for the night. Harry wouldn't sleep until he knew Snape was safe, so he sat at the kitchen table with his charms textbook and a strong pot of tea, watching and waiting. At least he hadn't felt that jolt of icy cold pain in his chest again, not since about nine in the evening. He could rest assured that Snape wasn't in mortal danger, small comfort that it was.

Still, Harry wouldn't relax until Kreacher came home. 

The clock struck three before the elf dragged himself into the kitchen, ears drooping on his shoulders and fat tears on his face.

Harry's heart slammed into his feet. Oh gods.

"Kreacher?"

Kreacher flinched and swallowed hard. "K-Kreacher thinks master should… get the family before he is speaking."

Oh gods. What had happened?

Harry raced to the elf. "Kreacher, are you okay? Snape?"

"Kreacher is being well enough, and Master Snape is… not hurt, and Kreacher is leaving him in the care of his house elf friend, but…."

"_Shite_. I-I'll get the others."

Harry raced upstairs after his housemates, and in a few minutes, everyone had piled around the sofa in the living room.

"Okay, Kreacher," said Harry, heart hammering in dread. "What… what happened?"

"The…." Kreacher wiped a sheen of tears from his face. "The old headmaster… is dead."

"_What_?" 

Hermione gasped out, "_ No _."

Harry leapt to his feet, terror ringing in his veins. Much as the bastard half deserved it, Dumbledore was the only thing between Riddle and Hogwarts. Without him, they were fucked.

And, somehow, Harry's gut told him this wasn't the last of the blows.

"Kreacher, _ how_?"

Kreacher wiped tears from his face. "Draco… Malfoy let death eaters in the castle. Master Severus came… to the astronomy tower when he learned the old headmaster was there and… and…."

Kreacher choked back tears.

Harry whispered, "And…?"

"And he killed him! Master Severus is being killing the old headmaster!"

Harry sank to his knees. "No."

"Holy _ fuck_!" Ron's horrified bellow rang in Harry's ears.

"Oh gods," Hermione breathed. 

Winky buried her head in Dobby's shoulder with a little sob. Dobby had frozen, eyes wide and mouth gaping.

Harry made an inhuman noise of grief. "No-no-no! It… it can't be true!"

"K-Kreacher is sorry, Master. I… I is not understanding why! The old headmaster came to his office that day, and because Master Severus was afraid and upset, Kreacher is coming in to make sure he is safe.

"The old headmaster… he knew the castle would be under attack tonight. Master Severus is throwing his jars at him because the old goat is being too dirty to warn the school, so he is writing a letter to the tabby professor and disguising it. And he is telling the house elves to protect the students and teachers. Why… why is he going to such trouble to protect the school, then killing the headmaster? Kreacher does not understand."

Harry took a rasping, panting breath, and stood on shaking legs. He had gone numb. Cold. Everything inside him rang with the horror and stillness of death.

With a trembling hand, Harry patted Kreacher's head. "Thank you." He turned away.

Hermione called in a shattered voice, "Harry?"

"I… I need time."

She stood to follow anyway, but Ron held her shoulder and shook his head. 

"Oh, Harry…."

Harry walked to the training room in a daze. Snape. A murderer. His mate had murdered the headmaster and the general of the light. The rest of Kreacher's news went unnoticed in the clang of those words, jarring Harry's skull.

Dumbledore was dead. And it was Snape's fault.

Harry conjured a training dummy on the other side of the room, grabbed Sirius' throwing knives, set them ablaze, and lobbed them at the dummy. They all went wide, so Harry torched the entire thing in a giant pulse of flame instead. 

And beside him, his wings sparked.

"_Traitor_!"

* * *

Harry didn't stop training until dawn. He lost count of how many dummies went up in flames or exploded under the sheer magical force of his raw fury, but eventually, even Harry's reserves sputtered and weakened.

He staggered into the kitchen, avoided Ron and Hermione's questions, and dragged himself into his bedroom. As he passed his desk, he caught sight of his potions book. He had used Severus' note, folded neatly and treasured, as a bookmark for weeks.

What had gone wrong? What had he _ missed_?

Tears blurred his vision as he opened his book and stared at the cover. _ 'Property of the Half-Blood Prince.' _During the early weeks of term, the Prince had felt like his only friend. Harry had once wanted to find him after the war and see if they might be friends. Or maybe he had wanted more.

It would never happen now. His mate was a murderer, and not the Prince anyway.

With a stifled sob, Harry turned to the page with Severus' letter. The man had sounded… well, not gentle, but good. This note had given him hope at a time when he had none.

Maybe… was it possible it wasn't true? No. Kreacher had come to care deeply about Snape in the weeks he had spent watching over him. He would never lie about this.

Harry stared at the letter. "Why, Severus? _ Why_?"

But neither the letter nor the Prince offered him any answers. Harry grabbed the letter and started to crumple it up, but in moving it away from the page, he caught sight of a sample of the Prince's writing just beneath it. And with Snape's letter so close….

"Oh my gods."

They wrote just the same.

"Oh gods. Ron, Hermione."

His friends rushed to his side at his call.

"What, Harry? What did you find?"

Hermione's eyes filled. "Did you find any proof it isn't true?"

Harry passed her the book. "No. But have a look at what I _ did _find."

Hermione read the note. "Oh, Harry. I just… don't understand it. He sounds so human here. Why would he do it?"

"I… I don't know, but look at the writing in the book."

She scanned the page and gasped. "Merlin's pants." 

"Yeah."

"What is it? Budge over. I want to see, too."

She slid the book and note over to Ron. He read them both and slumped into the nearest chair with a huff of shock.

"So all this time…?"

Harry snorted bitterly. "Yeah. All this time, I was fancying my mate, who is apparently a murderous arsehole and a traitor."

"Harry…."

Hermione attempted to comfort him, but he shrugged off her hands and shouted at the book instead. 

"_Arsehole_!"

He threw the book and the note off the table. He might have tossed them in the fire had Snape's note about bezoars not contributed heavily to saving Dobby's life.

"Bloody fucking _ arsehole_! Of all the fucked up shite… how is it I'm the most light-oriented type of semi-humans, I'm dependent on my mate to _ live_, and it's that… that…."

Harry kicked the floor, released a string of expletives, and, when it did nothing to ease his pain, he sank onto the sofa with a shuddering sob.

"Why him? Of all people, why him?"

He dropped his head into his hands and wept.

Ron and Hermione dropped down on either side of him and rubbed his back, Winky laid her head against one knee, and Dobby against the other, but this time, their unwavering love had no power to comfort him.

"What's going to happen to me?"

His family had no answers, and neither did Harry.

* * *

Severus sat on his bed in Malfoy Manor, staring at the wall opposite in silence. Hippa had come long ago and warded his quarters against everyone but Lucius, and Severus had asked her to also ward them against spying or eavesdropping of any sort, so he knew he was safe enough to grieve.

Only, he had so much to mourn, he didn't know where to start.

He had lost his career. His home. His friends, not that he had many. His colleagues. The trust of the public. His freedom, not that he had ever known much of that, either. His safety. Again, not something he had had much chance to grow familiar with. 

To his shock, a small part of him even mourned the old man who had betrayed him and forced him into this nightmare. Perhaps it proved he was still human, somewhere, under the cracks on his soul.

And yet, it was the memory of a letter he had secreted away in one of his potions books that broke the dam on his tears. _ "Thank you, sir, for everything you risk for us." _

"I-I did it for you, Harry."

But Harry couldn't hear, and if he could, he wouldn't understand. The boy would soon lose all semblance of respect for him if he hadn't done already, and _ fuck_, it hurt. It hurt that the one person who had ever even tried to see him for what he was would only see a demon now. Severus had no one left but Hippa.

The little house elf held his hand and sniffled beside him. 

"Why did you save me, Hippa? Why come to me now?"

Hippa squeezed his fingers. "Because Hippa knows you is a good man, Master Severus, and Hippa is knowing the old headmaster was not. I is not understanding why, Master, but Hippa is not being blind either. I's can see you is heartbroken."

Severus stared at his knees, watching his tears pool on his trousers and bead off the slick fabric. "You are the only one left who does."

"Why is you doing it, Master?"

"He was dying anyway, Hippa. He _ forced _me to kill him so that I would be given the position of headmaster when the dark lord takes over. He knew I would give my life to protect the students."

"Oh, Master. See, Hippa is right. You is a good man."

Severus gave a tear-thick snort. "I wonder now, though, if there wasn't more to it. Bill quite nearly killed me. I am sure if not for your help, he would have done. Perhaps the wily old bastard only wanted to make sure no one knew his dark secrets."

Hippa scowled. "Hippa is being relieved you is being headmaster soon, Master Severus. You is a much nicer one than the old man."

Severus shuddered. "Hippa, I will have to be cruel. I will not be _ able _ to be nice, or the dark lord will _ replace _me. And then, Hogwarts' Muggleborns and light-oriented students will all be killed. Brutally." He choked back a sob. "I hate the thought of hurting them, but if I don't, they will die. Gods help me. Gods help them. We are all lost now."

Severus buried his head in his knees and wept, but a popping noise just ahead startled him before he could truly mourn.

A letter sat on the bed before his feet, bearing only one word in familiar handwriting. 

_ "Why?" _

"Master Severus? Who is being writing you?"

Harry. Severus stared at the note, heart blasted open and raw. He knew, if he wrote a reply, this time it would work.

But he had no answers. None he could give.

"_Incendio_."

The note burned to ash, much like what remained of his life.

"No one," he whispered, and let himself grieve.

* * *

Back in the Forest House, Harry watched his copy of the letter burn and promised himself never to think of his mate or what he could never have again.

He turned his back, struggled to ignore the bleeding ache in his heart, and put his copy of advanced potions away. He would borrow Ron's from now on so he had no reason to break his heart over and over.

No, he didn't need a mate. It wouldn't be easy, but he could live without love. He had done it before, after all.

"Come on, you lot." Harry's voice came out flat and subdued, but at least it didn't break. "We have work to do."

His friends followed him out, their shoulders slumped and their eyes hollow with grief.


	21. Light in Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A tiny bit of hope for the boys.
> 
> Also, I just finished _another_ watercolor for this last night. I've made so much art for this story, which probably comes down to having the supplies for once and wanting to develop my watercolor skills. I think I'm up to 7 so far, plus 3 more for the later books. Hope you guys like pictures! 😂

#  **Chapter 21**

##  _ Light in Darkness _

Harry read Bill's letter with a cold pit of anguish turning to lead in his stomach. _ 'No sign of remorse. Jumped off the tower like a great bat and took Draco Malfoy with him. No idea how the bastard didn't die. He… glided or something and ran like a coward. No sign of him.' _

Traitor. Severus was truly a traitor.

Harry blinked back an ocean of icy tears and forced himself to keep reading.

> _ Albus and I had just gotten back from investigating the cave when we saw the dark mark over the castle. It was this seaside cove close to the orphanage You-Know-Who grew up in. Horrid place. _
> 
> _ The cave was… gods. I'm glad you didn't need to go, Harry. The area required a blood sacrifice to enter, and then the horcrux container was on a plinth in the middle of a lake full of inferi, and the horcrux itself in a basin of poison. Poison with no antidote that had to be drunk. _
> 
> _ It wouldn't kill a house elf, so Albus summoned one of the Hogwarts elves to drink it and… and all but forcefed the poor thing. Frankly, it was horrible to watch. The poor sod was sobbing and begging him to stop and hurting himself for it, but Albus kept forcing it down his throat regardless. I tried to stop it, but what could I do? There was no other way. _
> 
> _ I still feel like a monster for it regardless. _
> 
> _ That poor elf is sick and traumatized. I've been trying to take care of him, but I'm not sure what to do. _
> 
> _ And even worse, it was all for nothing. The diadem wasn't in the cave—it wasn't a horcrux at all. Someone with the initials R. A. B. got to the locket first and left a copy and a note for You-Know-Who. I included a copy of it. It's a brilliant piece of work. _
> 
> _ I have no doubt, whoever they were, they're dead now. Probably one of the inferi we fought last night, poor soul. _
> 
> _ I know you lot have to be scared, so I'll cut to the chase. The bottom line is this: we still have no idea where the diadem is. We're one horcrux short of winning this damn thing, and that means we lose until we find it. _
> 
> _ And it gets worse. Dumbledore was the only wizard who ever scared You-Know-Who. With him gone, there's nothing between that ugly bastard and Hogwarts. There's nothing between him and Britain either. _
> 
> _ I'm glad you three had the sense to get out of dodge before the shite hit the fan, because it's about to get bad here. Really bad. _
> 
> _ Watch your backs, and gods, I'm so sorry. _
> 
> _ Love, _
> 
> _ Bill _

Harry read the note and wrote back that it was Regulus Black who sacrificed himself for the diadem. Gods. What a brave man.

He also sent Bill a note of reassurance not to blame himself for Dumbledore's death. It was _ Snape's _fault, not Bill's. 

And gods help him, it hurt so much.

He kept writing so as not to think of it.

> _ Honestly, Dumbledore is such an arsehole, it doesn't surprise me in the least that he forced a house elf to take the poison. Kreacher told us that Snape had to warn the school of an attack because the old man didn't give a toss about anyone. _
> 
> _ I… I don't understand that. Why warn the school, then kill the old goat, much as he probably had it coming? It makes no sense. _

Harry took a shuddering breath and forced his attention back to what he _ could _ help with.

> _ Anyway, the potions I'm sending should help the elf. The one that looks like a prism is called Aurora General Antidote and is a potent cure for most poisons. The opalescent one is called Sunshine Elixir, and it's a powerful healing potion. The yellow one with a silvery sheen is called Dawn Elixir, and it's a potent mental healing potion. They're all my inventions. They have holy blood and tears: mine. _
> 
> _ Keep that to yourself, please. I would be in incredible danger if anyone from the Dark worked it out. _
> 
> _ At any rate, the potions should, at least, help the elf recover. _
> 
> _ I'm also sending along a phial of my blood. Mad as it sounds, feed it to him or mix it in the potions. Trust me, it'll help. A lot. _
> 
> _ And don't blame yourself, Bill. You were petrified, and none of us saw this coming. _
> 
> _ We love you. _
> 
> _ Harry _
> 
> _ P.S. Whatever you do, don't kill Snape. Regardless of his guilt, the fact of the matter is if he dies, I die, too. And Kreacher… it just doesn't make sense, Bill. Just… try to keep the Order off his back, please. At least until we can think of a way to keep him out of trouble that won't hurt me. _

He folded the letter, attached a bag full of potions and his blood, all carefully labelled and warded, and sent his reply with a subdued Hedwig.

Once she had gone, he picked up Bill's letter and called to his housemates. "Everyone, come into the living room. Bill sent us a letter."

The others came running. Hermione grabbed Harry's hands. "Did he… is there any hope?"

Harry closed his eyes and looked away. 

Hermione gave a stifled sob. "Oh, Harry…."

Harry cringed. "Please, don't. I… we have more important things to focus on right now, and I… I need to move on." 

In theory, at least, as there was nothing for him to move on _ to_. 

He forced his grief aside and stood tall. "Bill and Dumbledore investigated the cave before they went to the school last night, and the diadem wasn't in there. It turns out the cave they were searching was the underground lake Kreacher remembered. All they found was Regulus' locket and a note from Regulus telling Voldemort to go to hell, essentially."

He passed the note to Kreacher. Kreacher lowered his head and rubbed his chest. 

"Kreacher, would you like me to ask Bill to send us the locket?"

Kreacher nodded and blinked great tears down his face. "Kreacher would like to be seeing it once more."

Harry patted his shoulder. "We'll send pig with a note in a bit. Hedwig already took my reply." He sank onto the arm of the sofa beside the house elf. "So, this means we're down a horcrux. We have no leads on the diadem. Any suggestions?"

Hermione winced. "I… did Bill say where the cave was?"

"Near Cole Orphanage."

"You-Know-Who's orphanage?" Ron frowned. "Every hiding place he's picked so far has some kind of significance to him. The orphanage, the Gaunt house, his snake, and he left two with his favorite minions. So… I can't help but think this last place must also have a tie to him."

Hermione gasped. "Oh gods, it's so obvious. Voldemort has chosen artefacts from every founder save one. Where better to hide them but Hogwarts?"

"And Hogwarts has the biggest tie of all." Harry crossed his arms over his chest. "I think you must be right, Hermione, but that still leaves us with a problem. Hogwarts is _ huge_. It could still take us weeks to find it, and we can't really go near the place until we're ready to fight. So what do we do?"

Hermione shook her head. "I'm not sure there's much else we _ can _do, Harry."

Dobby piped up, "Dobby will looks for it!"

"Yeah, you do that, Dobby, please." Ron winced. "But be careful. The ring cursed Dumbledore, so if you do find it, don't touch it."

"Actually, Dobby, hold that thought." Harry looked to his bonded elves. "Winky, please find the diadem, if you're willing. Don't touch it. Just find it."

Winky screwed up her nose, winced, and started bashing her head on the table.

"Winky!" Harry caught her into his arms. "Shite, I'm so sorry. Are you hurt?"

She looked a bit dazed, so Harry summoned a house elf sized Sunshine Elixir for her. Winky took it in shaking hands.

"Winky is not being able to find it, Master Harry. It is being warded against house elves."

Harry winced. "If I asked you to break the wards?"

"Winky thinks she is not being able to do that either."

"Damn. Well, it's all right, Winky. Thank you. Are you still sore?"

"No, Master Harry. Your potion is fixing it."

"Good." Harry guided her back to Dobby with a sigh. "That means you probably can't find it either, Dobby, doesn't it?"

Dobby turned his hands over and over. "There is being a chance, Master Harry. Because Dobby is part goblin, maybe…."

Ron cocked his head. "Will it hurt you to look?"

"No, Master Ron. Dobby doesn't think so."

"Well, then you're welcome to try," said Harry, "but after what happened to Winky, I'm not going to ask you to."

"Dobby is searching on his own, Master Harry."

"Thank you." Harry sank into the armchair with a sigh. "It's just never easy, is it?"

"Winning a war generally isn't," said Ron in a sorrowful voice. "I'm sorry, mate. I wish I had the answers."

Harry slumped back into his chair with a sigh. "Yeah. So do we all."

* * *

Lucius sat in Severus' quarters, sharing a bottle of scotch between them. Well, part of a bottle. Both men desperately needed something to take the edge off, but drinking to excess in the presence of the dark lord and all his minions—Pettigrew in particular—would get them killed.

Or worse.

Lucius sipped his scotch and stared at the ceiling. "So you are a spy."

Severus raised an eyebrow. "You knew this."

"Allow me to rephrase: you are _ their _spy while the entire world believes you to be Dark. A triple agent for the Light."

Severus stilled with his glass halfway to his mouth. "Why do you say this? I fulfilled the dark lord's plan, did I not?"

"Hmm. And you did _ not _report my own change in loyalty."

"Perhaps, as you said, it is simply loyalty to a former friend, after a fashion."

"Or perhaps it is more."

Severus set his glass down and peered into Lucius' eyes. The man had his shields high, but Severus had other methods of finding the answers he needed. 

Twenty years ago, he had learned the hard way never to doubt his intuition, and he refused to make the same mistake twice.

Severus sent a small tendril of his aura out and let it blend with Lucius'. The man tensed, eyes narrowed, but Severus' magic would not harm him. Perhaps Lucius sensed it, as the next moment, he relaxed and sipped his scotch.

"See for yourself then."

Hmm. How had Lucius sensed Severus' powers? No human ever had before, not even Albus. Strange.

Severus glanced to the man's silver blonde hair, an unusual colour indeed. Perhaps Lucius was not entirely human after all. 

Regardless of his magical race, however, Severus' skills revealed one thing: his honesty. Whatever Lucius had been once, this harrowing year on the fringes of the dark lord's ranks had shaken him into a new person. Guile and greed had given way to disillusionment and remorse.

And determination. 

Hmm. Perhaps _ this _ Malfoy could be trusted after all. A surge of intuition confirmed it, and Severus let his powers go.

"Yes."

"Yes?"

"Yes, I am a triple agent."

Lucius set his glass down. His hands trembled, but he laid them flat on the table to hide it. 

"I want in."

Severus nearly choked to death on his scotch. "P-pardon me?"

"I said I want in, Severus. I want to help you take this monster down before we are all destroyed for his bloodlust and greed."

Severus cleared his throat and blinked his watering eyes. Lucius cast a charm to ease his burning oesophagus and coughing.

"Thank you." Severus shook himself and forced his voice steady. "You do realise you are, most likely, signing your own death warrant? I know without a doubt my own death will come soon. Within the year, probably. I am ready for it. Hell, I will embrace it when it comes for me, but you have a family, Lucius."

Lucius closed his eyes. "He tortured Narcissa last night, Severus. She is not even involved in this war, and he tortured her for nothing more than _ boredom _and to remind me of my disgrace. I had to watch her bleed, listen to her scream—the mother of my child and the only woman I have ever loved—for nothing more than one man's love of torture and power."

Severus swallowed hard. He had never been in love—no, the one time he had dared try for a romantic liaison had scarred him irrevocably—but he tried to imagine it then. He imagined someone he loved dearly suffering for his sins. 

Gods help him, it hurt.

His mind traveled back in time, to a broken house and a friend he had once adored, dead along with his abuser, her tiny son left orphaned and forever scarred. 

His breath hitched as he saw Harry kneeling in Narcissa's place, not because he wanted to submit—no, Harry would never kneel to the dark lord on his own will—but because the pain had forced him to seek a stronger ballast for his injured, bleeding legs. He imagined Harry stripped and humiliated, bleeding from every inch of his hide. He imagined the boy fighting anyway, struggling to stand on legs that wouldn't support him, refusing to bow, refusing to bend. In his mind, he heard the lash of the whip and the splatter of blood. The small, stifled keens of pain Harry couldn't help, but never a scream, not until the pain tore them, unwilling, from his throat. He saw the silver of tears streaking the blood on Harry's face, the blood under his fingernails from fighting not to show his vulnerability, and he saw him succumb to it, eventually, as they all did, in the end.

And his magic _ blazed_. Fuck, no. 

Perhaps Severus did not love the boy as Lucius loved his wife, but he had given twenty years of his life for him anyway, and this past year had shaken Severus into a new person, too. A person capable of seeing Harry for the hero he was, regardless of his heritage. Severus would sooner die himself than watch Harry suffer for his sins.

He shook off his terrible imaginings and nodded to Lucius. "Then welcome to the Light, Lucius. Would that I could say the rest of it will open its arms to you, but we shall be fortunate to die quietly, much less receive a hero's welcome."

"I no longer care, Severus. I sacrificed the blood of far too many others to chase the fickle glory of power and prestige, and it has brought me and all whom I love to ruin. If I must suffer to erase the scourge that warped me from this world, if I must pay in blood to see the evil that broke my wife and son defeated, then it is nothing more than I deserve."

Severus raised his glass. "To heroism in darkness, no matter the cost."

Lucius shared the toast. "To dying as heroes, whatever the world believes of us."

Severus sipped his scotch and took some small comfort in knowing that, while the night was bleak and cold, he no longer had to face the darkness alone.


	22. Flying Blind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry is still lost in angst city, but he finally finds some hope for himself. And a shock.

#  **Chapter 22**

##  _ Flying Blind _

Harry's seventeenth birthday had come. Or rather, it would come in twenty minutes. He moved towards the back door with a grimace. At the stroke of midnight, he would be engulfed with holy fire, and he had no desire to set their cottage ablaze. Best to move outside and take to the air, where he wouldn't hurt anything. 

He opened his mouth as he passed the entryway to the living room, thinking he should tell Ron and Hermione where he was going, but he snapped it shut again at the sight of them. Hermione sat in Ron's lap, straddling his hips. He had his hands under her blouse and stroking her waist, and she was unbuttoning his collar and snogging the life from him. 

_ Definitely _not the time to interrupt.

Ears and face on fire, Harry tiptoed away and wrote a note instead. He placed it on the table, weighted it with a mug, and slipped out of the house.

Gods. So Ron and Hermione had moved on to real snogging now. They wouldn't have sex anytime soon—Hermione had confessed to Harry that her parents had asked her to wait until her eighteenth birthday, at least, and she wanted to obey—but they had already come far closer to it than Harry ever would. Outside of his dreams, at any rate.

He wished he could shut them off. Making love to Severus all night and waking to the knowledge that he had betrayed them all was breaking Harry to bits, but according to all the resources he had seen, they would only stop when he and Severus both acknowledged the mate bond, for better or worse.

So, never.

Perhaps it wasn't all bad. Harry could pretend, for those few precious hours every night, that he had a mate and a family. He saw Severus' gentle side in his dreams and loved him for it. 

If only the reality didn't hit him like a goddamn sledgehammer every morning, maybe the dreams would help him cope. 

Harry shook his head viciously. He had sworn not to think about it anymore, hadn't he? It was only hurting him to dwell on it, and yet, his dreams refused to let him do anything else. 

He hunched his shoulders and kicked at the ground. "Damn it, Severus, just leave me alone. Let me go on in peace if you're determined to be a bastard."

Was he, though? Kreacher's reports didn't always make sense. Kreacher couldn't find Severus' rooms, but he had found his house elf, and while Hippa wouldn't reveal Severus' secrets, she did tell Kreacher Severus was unhappy. And, even now, she insisted he was a worthy man. A _ Hogwarts _ elf.

Why? Severus had killed her headmaster. Why did she remain loyal to him and him alone?

Harry couldn't make the pieces fit, and it hurt like hell to try, so, most days, he did his best to ignore the gaping hole in his heart and the blatant inconsistencies in Severus' behaviour. It was easier to focus on other things, anything but his mate and his betrayal.

At least until something like this plunged him straight back into despair. 

He shouldn't feel like this. He should be happy for his friends, but at the moment, he only felt the stark, bleeding void of his broken heart and bleak future.

"Happy birthday to me," he muttered to the night. 

With a sigh, he dragged himself to the lawn beside the chicken coop. He placed a sight and sound ward around himself so his fire wouldn't scare them to death, sat on the dew-damp grass, and waited. 

He glanced to his watch. Five minutes to midnight. Harry watched the seconds count down, remembering years past. He always ended up like this on his birthday, watching the minutes tick down alone. At least he could do so in his own house from now on, surrounded by flowers and trees and the beauty of nature. 

There was some kind of joy in that, he supposed, if everything else felt hollow at the moment.

Ten… nine… eight…. 

Harry stood and spread his wings. Just as his watch hands aligned, he shot into the air. 

His skin heated as white flames surrounded him. They started at his toes and worked their way up his body, leaving both his skin and his clothing unharmed. Then, the fire hit his scar, and all hell broke loose. _ Literally_.

Agony ripped through his forehead, split his skull like a cleaver slammed between his eyes, and everything faded to a red-grey wash of pain. Somewhere inside him, he registered the whistling wind and his clothes whipping about in the flames. _ Shite_! He flapped his wings just in time to turn a lethal drop into a tumble. He hit the ground hard enough to bruise and knock the wind out of him, but nothing had broken, at least. 

He lay on his back, gasping air into his aching lungs, and tried to work out just what the fuck had happened to him. A vision? No, he couldn't see a thing beyond the night sky and white fire.

Then, with an unearthly shriek, a haze of black smoke rose from his forehead, writhed in the fire, and turned to ash. 

Black smoke with red eyes and a noseless face.

"Holy _ fuck_! I… I had a goddamn _ horcrux _in my scar?"

Harry shuddered and folded in on himself. Oh gods. Oh _ gods_. The night Riddle died the first time… part of his broken soul must have latched onto Harry when he fled. If Harry hadn't been a Sunguard, if he hadn't just been immolated in holy fire, he would have had to die to end the war. _ Fuck_.

Harry pulled his knees to his chest as the flames flickered and faded into nothing, leaving no trace. The grass had even survived. It must have been some sort of spiritual fire. 

But did that mean Harry was still a horcrux? No, probably not. They were bits of souls, after all.

Still, maybe he should test it. 

He staggered to his feet and summoned the horcrux pouch they had made for the locket. His hands trembled as he levitated the locket out of the pouch and set it on one of the big stepping stones leading to their outdoor swinging two-seater. 

The locket trembled, too. 

Unnerved, Harry stepped back and swallowed bile. Gods. That vile thing really did have something human in it. 

Harry's feathers fluffed in revulsion and dread, but he stood tall and aimed one hand at the locket, preparing to call his fire.

He stopped dead before he cast. 

An image of Severus stepped out of the locket and gave him a twisted leer. "I killed Albus Dumbledore!" The imitation of Bellatrix's singsong chant after Sirius' death set Harry's nerves on edge.

"He deserved to die, really. You know he was far more ruthless than I."

Harry took a wobbly step back. "He was the leader of the Light! T-traitor!"

"You do not sound so certain, Potter. Admit it. You had begun to question his honour long ago." Severus gave him a sultry look. "We could be beautiful together, you and I."

Reality crashed into Harry with the force of the Hogwarts Express. He scowled and lifted his hand once more. 

"Nice try, _ Tom _ , but the real Severus Snape would sooner eat flobberworm shite than come on to me. _ Let the power of goodness, purity, and light burn away all evil_!" The latter came out in a foreign language; instinct suggested Greek. He would have to ask Hermione.

White fire formed on his fingertips and engulfed the locket horcrux. 

_ 'Take that, bastard.' _

Riddle-Severus' scream cut Harry to the heart, and the cloud of red-eyed smoke after the false Severus vanished confirmed Harry's worries about his scar. Gods. At least Harry could rest assured that he was safe now, but hearing his mate scream like that, even knowing it wasn't really Severus… _ fuck_.

He fell to his knees. The horcrux had melted into a twisted blob of metal and glass, destroyed beyond magical repair, just like Bill had said. 

Harry stared at it, tears choking him. Glad as he was to have defeated one more horcrux, the images it had used against him haunted him.

"Why, Severus? _ Why_?"

A sound of birdsong drifted to Harry's ears and eased his pain. Merlin. What kind of bird _ was _that to lift him out of the blackest pits of despair with only a song?

Harry lifted his face and wiped his eyes. He followed the source of the sound to the top of their swing. 

A phoenix. A _ familiar _phoenix.

"F-Fawkes?"

The phoenix gave a sad trill and fluttered down to Harry's shoulder. His tail drooped and his head bowed. Harry had the distinct impression the bird was trying to apologise.

"Hey, it's all right. I know you didn't have much choice in your bond to the old man, and he must have been decent once."

Fawkes gave a sorrowful twitter. 

"What are you doing here? Not that I'm not glad to see you, but I thought you would leave for good now that Dumbledore is…."

Fawkes ruffled his feathers and squawked in fury. Harry understood. 

_ 'Traitor.' _

"Yeah. He really had us all fooled, huh?"

Fawkes gave a low trill, feathers drooping.

"Yeah. I'm sorry, boy. It hurts me, too."

_ 'More than you can possibly know.' _

Fawkes sighed.

Harry scratched under the bird's chin. "Why did you come, Fawkes? Are you just passing through."

The phoenix shook his head sharply.

"Oh." Harry's heart thumped. "Then… you're staying?"

Fawkes chirped and nuzzled Harry's cheek. Harry gulped. 

"_Oh_. You're staying with me from now on, then? Is that why you came tonight?"

Fawkes chirped again and dropped a tear onto Harry's neck. A strange warmth went through him, and some instinctual knowledge told him to reciprocate. 

Well, it wasn't as if Harry had any difficulty conjuring tears these days. His pain was good for something, he supposed.

He let a tear fall onto Fawkes' back. It absorbed on contact, and a golden chain of light linked Fawkes' heart to Harry's. Harry rubbed the new warmth inside his chest with a smile of wonder.

"Wow. That's brilliant. About time something went _ right _for a change, too."

His new familiar rubbed his cheek. 

"I hope you're prepared to deal with a tantrum of epic proportions when Hedwig works out that she has to share me now."

Fawkes gave a twittering sort of laugh. 

"You laugh now, but just wait."

Fawkes laughed again, rubbed Harry's cheek, and flew a few feet ahead, towards the boundary of the property. By the way he shimmied his feathers and called to Harry, the sunguard had the impression that Fawkes wanted Harry to follow him. 

Harry hesitated. "It's dangerous out there for me, Fawkes. Are you sure it's safe?"

Fawkes puffed out his chest and flapped his wings, a protective gesture, Harry thought. 

Harry sighed. "Oh, all right. But if we run into trouble, I'm blaming you."

Fawkes gave his birdy laugh and flew a few more steps ahead. In this manner, Harry followed him through the trees for what felt like hours. The bird led him to a grove of blackberry bushes and wild apple trees Harry had never seen before. He made a mental note of the location with the idea to come here armed with several harvesting baskets in the morning.

Then, he walked past the bushes and into the trees by a brook, and his heart leapt into his throat.

They weren't alone. A man, kneeling by the water, started and stood at their approach. Shite, he was tall! 

Wait.

Oh _ Merlin_. That was no _ man_, not with that bow and those long, narrow ears. _ Pointed _ ears. 

A high elf. 

He turned to Harry, expression wary, and Harry's jaw dropped. White hair, glowing, blue-white eyes, and dark, dusky skin? What the hell kind of elf _ was _he?

The elf's alarm melted into a cautious smile. "Ah, hello, Harry Potter. I am Xerides Delune, battlemaster of the night elves. Perhaps you would allow me the pleasure of your company as I escort you home?"

* * *

[Colored pencil drawing of Xerides](https://www.flickr.com/photos/141843489@N07/49246098566/in/dateposted-public)


	23. A Ray of Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys like Xeri. He's going to stick around for a bit 😉

#  **Chapter 23**

##  _ A Ray of Hope _

Harry choked. Oh gods. Fawkes had led him straight to a night elf. A night elf who could break Harry like a twig by the look of him. 

Shite!

"F-Fawkes?"

The phoenix trilled a gentle tune and hopped onto the elf's shoulder. Xerides gave the bird a gentle pat and smiled at Harry, though his expression held an edge of fear. 

_ Fear_? This powerful warrior of an elf feared a scrawny runt of a sunguard? How strange.

"I will not harm you, Harry."

"How do you know my name?"

"There are few who do not."

Harry couldn't deny that, though he hadn't imagined his bloody fame had stretched all the way to the high elves' ears. Damn.

"If you're here for an autograph, you're out of luck. I tend not to carry quills on forest jaunts."

Xerides laughed unabashedly. "You have an entire set of them on your back! But no, I am not here to pester you for your fame. At one time, I had more than enough of it myself. Not so much in recent years, when it is unsafe for my kind. Not among humans, at least."

Harry frowned. "All right. Why _ are _you here then? And why did Fawkes lead me to you?"

Xerides' expression turned solemn. "I know of your mission, Sunbearer Potter, and I would like to help if you will allow it."

Harry froze. "And what mission is that?"

"You have no need to fear. I know of your race and mission only because the elder of the Night Clan is a powerful seer, and he warned me I would be needed. No one has betrayed you, and all I wish to do is help you fight your battles."

Harry sensed the elf's honesty and relaxed. 

So he wanted to help? Gods knew they needed it. And an elf like this could surely train them, and do it well.

A night elf though. Harry had heard stories of them. 

Then again, those same tales had been utterly wrong about him. Twelve feet tall indeed. This Xerides person _ towered _over Harry. Merlin. He had to be six and a half feet if he was an inch.

Yet, despite his size and powerful frame, Xerides didn't give off a threatening aura. No, Harry got a sense of kindness and gentle patience from the elf, though he had no doubt Xerides _ could _ be a dire threat when he wanted to be.

So could Harry, come to think of it.

Right. Time to judge how much of what he knew of night elves had any merit. He examined the elf, who was waiting patiently on an answer, to see if the paintings in _ One Hundred Semi-Human Beings and When to Avoid Them _ at all matched the reality.

Harry craned his neck and started at the top. Xerides' eyes, for all that their moonlight glow covered any hint of iris or pupil, were beautiful. He followed the glow down the elf's high cheekbones and Greek nose to his hesitant smile. 

For a warrior, he certainly acted shy. 

His skin was far lighter than the paintings had portrayed, a dusky rose-brown colour rather than pitch black. A cool, muted tone, still light enough to show the faint blush on his cheeks, if only just. And his teeth looked human, no fangs in evidence.

Faint scars crisscrossed his skin here and there—not surprising of a warrior—but nothing suggested cruelty or a life of evil. His slim waist and strong legs lacked the ridiculously disproportionate characteristics of the paintings, and his hands, as the elf opened and closed them in what was clearly a nervous habit, bore no evidence of curved claws, but only neatly-trimmed fingernails.

Well, the paintings had clearly been rubbish.

Harry returned his gaze to the elf's face to find him biting his lip and blushing a sort of bright burgundy colour. Not red, not with his skintone, but it was definitely a blush. His ears had folded back, too, much like Dobby's did when he caught Winky watching him.

Oh damn. Did Xerides think…? Well, _ now _ Harry had gone and done it.

"Er… I wasn't, um…." No, that would only make the situation worse. "It's just that my books…." Oh, that was _ definitely _a bad idea. "Uhm… n-never mind."

His ears burned as he turned away and called for one of his house elf friends. "Dobby!"

To his surprise, Dobby gasped at the sight of the warrior elf and raced to hug his legs. "Master Xerides! Dobby is not seeing you since he was an elfling!"

Xerides' eyelids crinkled at the corners. He had to bend nearly double to reach the house elf, but he patted Dobby's shoulder anyway and smiled at him. 

"And how are you? I remember you were… quite fearful of your upcoming assignment when I saw you last. Was it quite as bad as you expected?"

Dobby shuddered. "No, it was being _ far _worse."

Xerides' expression twisted in grief. "I am so sorry."

"It is being all right now, Master Xerides. Master Harry is saving me. I is a free elf now, but it does not hurt me like it is hurting my kin. Dobby is having too much goblin in him to suffer from being free."

Xerides gave Harry a respectful nod. "Thank you for helping him."

Harry snapped his gaping mouth shut. "Er… you're welcome? Are you two friends?" 

"Dobby is knowing Battlemaster Xerides since he was tiny," said the house elf. "Dobby is living with the goblins before he is going to his former master, and Master Xerides is coming often to speak to us after he is done training his goblin clients. They is liking Master Xerides a lot, and so does Dobby. He will be helping Master Harry much if you is letting him."

Harry gave Xerides an assessing look. "Hmm. How _ do _you intend to help me?"

Xerides inclined his head. "I am a famed warrior among my kin, Master Potter. As Dobby said, my job is to train new warriors. I can teach you and your allies to fight in ways no human has known for millennia. I ask only that you do not use these weapons against my kin or teach them to other humans without my consent."

Harry looked to Dobby. 

"You's can trust him, Master Harry. Xerides is a good elf, like your Wheezy is a good human. We are being kin, you know. We can tell."

Harry sighed. "All right. But you might _ need _those warrior skills to protect your arse, Xerides, when Hermione sees me bringing in a stranger."

Dobby shook his head. "Mistress Hermione is being too interested in learning about Master Xerides' race and history to attack. Master Ron is being the one you is needing to watch out for."

Xerides chuckled and followed Harry back to the house.

* * *

Dobby was, of course, correct. 

"Oi! Mate, where have you been? We…." Ron, standing near the swing, gasped as he finally noticed Harry's companion. "What the _ hell_? Who is… is that a _ night elf_?"

Ron shot a light spell at Xerides, but the elf dodged it quicker than Harry would have given anyone credit for, and Harry stepped in front of the second volley.

"Ron. Cut it out. He's an ally."

Xerides' ears went back, a faint blush dusted his cheeks, and his eyes widened. He gave Harry a brief look of shock and wonder before returning his attention to Ron, but that glance made Harry wonder if anyone had ever stepped in the breach for his night elf companion.

Ron cried, "He's a bloody night elf! Don't you remember anything about them?"

No. Judging by Ron's behaviour, Xerides had probably never been protected at all. Or at least, not often, and not by humans, though Harry wasn't sure he counted as human anymore. Still, Xerides had to be used to being attacked and treated like shite, if this was how humans responded to the mere sight of him.

No wonder he had learned to fight.

"Yes, I remember," Harry said, voice steady and low. "And if you take two seconds to actually _ look _at him, you might see the books are rubbish."

Ron hesitated. "Er…."

Harry gave Xerides an apologetic look. "I'm sorry about that, you know. It's just that I can't risk bringing anyone untrustworthy near our home."

Xerides' expression was gentle. "I had thought it must be something along those lines." But his ears fanned back anyway. From Harry's experiences of his house elf friends, he recognised the gesture as a sign of embarrassment, but not shame. His ears would have gone downwards, too, with a strictly negative emotion.

Ron huffed. "Well, why are you bringing in a night elf then if you know that? The books said—"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Those same books that said Sunguards were all twelve feet tall and built like gods?"

Ron flushed. "Er… well…."

"Enough, Ron," said Hermione. "If this night elf was anything like the books said, he would have already attacked. Especially after _ you _attacked him. Twice!"

"I am well-used to such greetings from wizards," Xerides said in a soft, sorrowful tone. "At least within the past fifteen-hundred years."

Harry jolted. "Fifteen-_hundred _? Um… is it terribly rude to ask how old you are? Of course it is. Don't mind me."

Xerides chuckled. "I do not mind. I was born in the year 514 BC."

"So you're…?"

"Twenty-five-hundred and eleven years old," Hermione supplied. "Well, approximately. Timekeeping wasn't very accurate in ancient times. Gods, how much you must have seen! Not many of our historical records are accurate, but you were _ there_. Oh, please talk to me. Tell me—" Her eyes glowed with the pursuit of hidden knowledge, and Harry cut her off to spare Xerides an hours-long question and answer session.

"Not the time, 'Mione. Xerides is here to help us train for the war."

Xerides laughed softly. "Your house elf friend certainly had your companions, ah, pegged, as it were."

Harry snorted. "He did at that."

Hermione cocked her head. "What did you say, Dobby?"

Dobby grinned. "That you is being too interested in learning about Xerides to attack, but Master Ron is being too interested in attacking to learn."

Ron flushed. "Well, what am I supposed to think? We're in danger, and everything I've ever heard says night elves are evil."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "The Ministry also wants everyone to believe werewolves are uncontrollable fiends who want to eat us all, and that vampires are entirely driven by bloodlust and will devour humans on sight."

Ron grimaced. "Well, they might have a point about vampires…."

"They don't. There was a vampire at Slughorn's Christmas do. I actually talked with him a bit. He was a bit odd, but nice, and he certainly didn't try to bite me on sight, nor did he use any of the girls as virgin blood sacrifices to power his coven."

Hermione snorted. "Of course not, though I'm not sure how many actually qualified—"

Harry shuddered. "More than I needed to know, thanks!"

Xerides laughed again. "Your friends are quite fun, Mister Potter, if not entirely friendly to my people."

"Harry, please."

"And Hermione."

Ron glared. Hermione elbowed him.

"Oh, fine. Call me Ron, then. But if you think I'm letting you anywhere near us in the training room…."

"Do your worst, Ron," said Harry wryly. "He's a twenty-five-hundred year old battlemaster. I reckon he can handle it."

Ron paled. "Harry, are you mad? He'll kill you and then—"

"Ron, really. _ Enough_. If Xerides wanted to kill me, he had plenty of opportunity on the way over."

Xerides shook his head. "And there is not much I could do to kill a Sunguard regardless, at least not without finding his mate first, and I am positive neither of you are his mate."

"Unfortunately," Harry muttered.

Xerides shot him a bemused look.

"Long story." That Harry couldn't bear to get into with a virtual stranger anyway. "Look, it's been a rough day. I've already been doused in holy fire, killed two horcruxes—"

Hermione gasped. "_Two_?"

Ron hissed, "And don't you think we should keep that a bloody _ secret _anyway?"

Harry rubbed his forehead. "Merlin. Fawkes."

His phoenix trilled and flew down from the trees, where he had been observing the confrontation. He landed on Harry's shoulder and nuzzled his cheek.

"Oh my god," Hermione breathed. "Harry, is it really…?"

"Yeah. Fawkes came to me a little while ago while you two were… uh… busy." Harry blushed, and so did his friends. "And, um, he led me right to Xerides. Dobby knows him, too, and says that elves have a sense about who of their kin is safe to trust. So I trusted Dobby, my phoenix, and my own eyes and brought Xerides here. And I'm sure he would appreciate it if we could move beyond the third degree and get to training before sunrise." Harry gave the night elf a searching look. "Forgive the question, as it's clear our only resources are rubbish, but is it true that night elves are burned by the sun?"

The corners of Xerides' eyes crinkled with mirth. "I imagine the same might be said of any of us if we stay within its light too long without protection."

Hermione laughed. "He got you there, Harry."

Harry grinned. "Fair enough. But you can be in sunlight for a while then without being hurt?"

"Yes, though my powers are far weaker during the day, and it _ is _true that it will drain me if I stay out in the brightest hours of the day too long. In that state, too much direct sunlight can, indeed, burn me, but simply moving into the shade is enough to make do until my powers return."

"Your powers?"

"I am… not quite a squib in daylight hours, but my magic and strength is severely curtailed, so you are correct that we should train soon, before my power drains and your weariness comes down against you."

Harry nodded. "Thanks. We'll get right to it, then."

"Wait." Ron eyed the elf nervously. "Just… might we test him with some Veritaserum first? _ Please_. You're my brother and my girlfriend. I wouldn't let anyone I wasn't sure of train you, night elf or human."

Xerides' ears dropped down and his posture tensed. Fear. Harry laid a gentle hand on his arm, but Xerides jolted so strongly, Harry wondered if his touch had burned him.

"Oh gods! Did I hurt you? Shite, it's because I'm a Sunguard, isn't it? Merlin. Will my blood or tears help or hurt you worse?"

At Harry's frightened babbling, Xerides looked up, expression soft and cheeks flushed.

"I am not injured. Forgive me. It has been so long since anyone save my Elder and cousin have touched me outside of battle, and even my cousin has been traveling for many years. I was only startled, Harry."

Harry's heart panged. _ 'Filthy little freak, bringing your foul unnaturalness into our home. Stay away, Duddykins! Don't touch him, you nasty little deviant!' _

He took a harsh breath and struggled for control. "I understand. A bit."

Xerides' ears dropped again. "You do?"

"Yeah."

Hermione whispered, "Oh, _ Harry_."

He pretended not to hear. 

"Sorry, Xerides. I only meant to comfort you. You looked scared."

Ron scowled. "Afraid we'll find out your secrets?"

Hermione snapped, "Ron! Enough!"

"No," Xerides murmured, ears flat against his skull. "I am afraid your potion will poison me. I am not human, and my biology is not the same."

Harry winced. "Is there a way to tell? And do we even _ have _Veritaserum?"

"I might have brewed some for questioning death eaters if necessary," said Hermione with a blush. "And if the sun drains his powers, I'm sure he's right and it _ will _poison him. It has sunbloom in it."

Xerides shuddered. "It is lethal to my kind, then."

"Convenient," Ron muttered. "Can't handle anything _ good_, can you?"

Xerides' head bowed and his cheeks flushed. This time, Harry was sure it was shame. Harry tentatively touched the night elf's hand. Xerides jumped and stared at his hand, but did not withdraw. Harry closed his fingers around Xerides' palm, and the flush on the elf's face darkened.

"Why?"

"Because he hurt you, and you needed to know you aren't alone."

"It is nothing I have not heard said before. And often, at that. For the past millennia, I have been reviled by every human I meet, save only your friend here."

"Oh," Hermione breathed. "Do you not have friends among your own kind, Xerides?"

"A few. And there is my cousin, Torasi, but I have not seen him in… it has been over thirty years. Elves live so long, we tend to forget to keep in touch, and as I train many races, I am not in the Night Forest as often as I might like." His face flushed again. "Harry is the first person to touch me in a gentle manner in… I have forgotten how long. Decades, at the least."

Harry found himself wanting to share that kind of comfort with Xerides. Merlin knew he understood what it was to be entirely alone in the world. 

Though he felt a little awkward about it, he didn't release Xerides' hand. Slowly, Xerides' fingers closed upon his own.

"Well, obviously he can bear _ something _good." Hermione speared Ron with a dark look that boded ill for him later. "Or did you forget that evil can't bear to touch a Sunguard?"

"Oh!" Harry had certainly forgotten. Good barometer for testing new people, that.

Ron flushed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Oh. Right. Shite."

Hermione snorted. "Yes, you _ are _in it deep right now."

"Peace," Xerides said, his voice soft. "I expected no less, and this…." He lifted Harry's hand, still held in his own. "Is a comfort I had not dreamed I would find. I am content. Please, do not fight over me. He is only trying to protect those he loves. It is a trait I respect rather than otherwise, even when I am always on the other side of the experience. At least for the past thousand years or so."

A sharp jolt of protectiveness surprised Harry. _'I don't want him to be alone anymore.'_

Xerides gave him a stunned look, then a shy smile, and Harry wondered if he had heard.

"Are you a mind mage by any chance?"

Xerides blushed and dropped his ears. "Forgive me. I did not intend to eavesdrop. It is difficult not to hear thoughts that carry strong emotion when I am not occluding. And I find I am loath to block my own emotional response at the moment."

Harry blushed. He let Xerides' hand go, but stayed at his side.

"Thank you," the elf whispered. "I…." He shook his head and fanned his ears back. "Thank you."

Harry smiled. "You're welcome. Um, but will you teach me mind magic, too? Riddle is a powerful Legilimens, and he has a history of turning his mind mages against me."

In retrospect, maybe it was a blessing that Snape had refused to teach Harry. If he had ever uncovered the secret of Harry's race—or recognized himself in Harry's dreams—Merlin help them all.

"I would be happy to train you," Xerides said, "but deep trust is essential. It may, perhaps, be best to wait a while before we begin."

Harry already trusted him, but maybe not well enough, not yet. And he had no idea if Xerides felt at all the same.

"Fair enough. Then, shall we go to the training room and begin?"

Hermione stood akimbo and glared at Ron. "Yes, _ shall _we?"

Ron sighed. "All right, all right. Let's go then."

Harry motioned Xerides to follow them inside and protected him from behind. Fawkes flew up to the night elf's shoulder and hitched a ride with him.

"Well, there's as good a sign as any that we can trust him," said Harry. _ 'Though I already did.' _

Xerides' ears swiveled back again, and Harry grinned at his shy embarrassment. Who knew a famed warrior could be such a teddy bear?

* * *

One training session later, Harry had revised his opinion. _ Thoroughly_.

Xerides helped him up from where he had just blasted Harry into the far wall. "I think this is enough for one night. Are you injured?"

Harry groaned. "The good news is my tears of agony will heal it."

Xerides' ears dropped. "Forgive me. I tried to be gentle. I will—"

"_That _was going easy?" Ron grimaced. "Merlin save us. We're not going to survive training."

Xerides winced. "I…."

Harry inched his aching arm forwards and took Xerides' wrist. The elf jumped again, but some of the shame and fear left his eyes at Harry's touch.

"Easy, Xerides. Ron's just whinging, and I was trying to make a joke. We're a little banged up, yeah, but no one is seriously injured, and if your training keeps us alive, then a few bumps and bruises are definitely worth it. Besides, I really can heal us." 

He staggered to Ron. "_Diffindo Minimus_!" The small cut in his wrist hurt, and Ron flinched at the drops of blood Harry let fall in his mouth, but the boy's bruises began to recede as soon as he swallowed.

"That is more than a little disturbing," said Ron with a shudder. "But it does work."

Hermione caught a few drops on her finger and swallowed without complaint. "Your blood doesn't taste of _ blood_. It's like… oranges or something like it, believe it or not."

"Huh." Ron took another drop. "No, it tastes like cherries to me."

Harry tasted it and grimaced. "Tastes _ bloody _ to me. And it doesn't work much."

Xerides watched in interest. "Well, you are already full of your own blood." 

Harry nodded. "Do you need…?"

The elf chuckled wryly. "No, Harry."

"That bad, were we? _ Sano_." 

The cut healed. Harry summoned a phial of a healing potion he had infused with his tears and blood. The blood wouldn't help, but his tears would. Strangely.

"You were as any warrior who has never had formal training would be," said Xerides. "Better, actually, than I had expected. You have a natural talent for battle, Harry, and that you have taken great pains to train your friends is obvious. Well done."

Harry flushed. "Thanks."

"That said, you all have quite a lot of room to grow. I shall return tomorrow night, I think. Until then, please rest."

"Yes, sir," said Harry. "But come the next night, please. Tomorrow is Ron's brother's wedding, and we'll all be exhausted when we get back."

Xerides nodded. "The night after, then."

"Thanks. You're bloody brutal on the battlefield, you know? I feel a hell of a lot safer knowing you're on our side."

Xerides smiled, revealing a hint of his shy nature outside of the training room. "I am glad, too."

Harry squeezed the elf's arm. "Thank you, Xerides. We learned _ loads_. Now go home and rest before the sun rises, so you're not left vulnerable."

Xerides smiled brighter. "It is good to have someone who considers my needs. Thank you. I shall do as you have asked and meet you again two nights from now, at moonrise."

"Yeah. See you then."

Xerides bid them farewell and left. As soon as he had gone, Harry dragged himself to the living room and slumped onto the sofa with a groan.

"Dear gods, the man is an absolute _ demon _in battle."

Ron snorted and dropped into the chair beside Harry. "Yeah, but he'll save our arses in the end."

"Glad you finally worked that out." Hermione sank into the sofa by Harry's feet, and he drew up his legs to give her room. "Well, now that training is over and none of us are dead, tell me what you meant earlier about destroying _ two _horcruxes today."

Harry winced, called in their house elf friends, and started the story of his scar.

* * *

[ _Harry tries to work out if Xerides is trustworthy or not and embarrasses him. Pen and ink._ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/141843489@N07/49246308312/in/dateposted/)


	24. Holy Matrimony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill gets married. The Weasleys are fun. Angst is not.

#  **Chapter 24**

##  _ Holy Matrimony _

The next morning, Harry apparated to the Burrow with his friends, elves included, though he worried about leaving Severus unguarded.

"Kreacher," he murmured as they made their way to the front door, "what's Severus up to?"

"Kreacher does not know, Master. He is in his hidden quarters at Malfoy Manor. Kreacher cannot enter them, but I am asking Master Severus' house elf friend to keep him safe while I's cannot. She is watching over him."

"Then you should be okay to stay for the wedding. You have a monitoring charm on him, right?"

Kreacher nodded. "Kreacher will know if he leaves his quarters or if anyone enters them."

"Good. Then let's not worry about him for a bit and go meet the family."

Kreacher nodded, and the group followed Harry inside.

"Oh, Ron!" Molly charged them at the door and swept her youngest son into a bone-crushing hug. "Merlin, how I have missed you!" 

Ron's ears turned red. "I'm all right, Mum. Really. The cottage is safe."

She pulled back, tears on her lashes, and held his face. "Dear me, look how much you've grown! Any taller, young man, and I'll need a ladder to kiss you." She tiptoed to kiss his cheeks and let him go. 

Ron returned her greeting, though he squirmed and turned crimson. "Er… thanks for feeding us and all that, Mum. Um… did we do all right on the preserves we sent?"

"Yes, the cherry was fantastic, especially." She kissed Harry's cheek and swept him into a hug, and Harry's heart thumped. Oh. Was this what it felt like to have a mum?

Molly patted his cheek. "I hear we have you to thank for the harvest at your cottage this year, and quite a lot of its bounty. Well done, Harry, and I am so happy to see you looking so _ healthy_. All that homegrown food is doing wonders for you."

Or any food at all, but Harry wouldn't say that out loud. By the pained smiles on his friends' faces, human and house elf alike, he gathered they were all thinking the same thing anyway.

Molly greeted Hermione in a similar manner and gave their house elves a warm welcome, if she looked bemused to see them. 

"Where is everyone?" Ron looked in the kitchen and shook his head. "Merlin, the cake looks incredible, Mum."

Harry peeked at it and had to agree. The delicate, white and pale blue, seven-tiered masterpiece with flowers, fleur de lis, and enchanted fairies flitting about the entire confection would impress anyone. Fleur would love it. 

"Why, thank you," Molly said, puffing up in pride.

Winky eyed the cake with a glint of challenge in her eyes, and Harry guessed they could expect Hermione's birthday cake in September to be a masterpiece. He shared a grin with Ron, and the redhead laughed.

Hermione raised an eyebrow at them. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing," Harry said with an innocent smile. He hoped it was innocent anyway. "The cake really is fantastic. Has Fleur seen it yet?"

Molly ushered them into the living room. "No, not yet. She's been trying to stay away from the main house as much as possible. Bad luck to see the bride before the wedding and all that, but she's relaxing that tradition to see you three before the ceremony. We're all so happy to have you home."

Harry warmed at her words. Home. Merlin, it felt wonderful to know he had a home with the Weasleys. Even if he couldn't hope to find any semblance of one with Severus now, at least he wouldn't be alone.

A gaggle of redheads and their partners filled the living room to bursting. Fred and Angelina held hands in one corner, and George and Alicia Spinnet chatted beside them. Ginny and Michael Corner, back together, apparently, talked a bit away from the others. 

Fleur, dressed in a white slip gown, practically glowed with happiness. Bill stood beside her, his smile tinged with an edge of deep worry. Percy hadn't come, and Harry winced at the shadows his absence left behind. Poor Bill.

Harry waved at the doorway. "Um, hi everyone."

"Harry!"

Among a chorus of their names, the trio soon found themselves buried in hugs and kisses and laughter.

"Air," Harry gasped out with a laugh. "We can't breathe, you sods."

They all laughed and stepped back.

"Merlin, we missed you, mate." Fred nudged Harry's shoulder. "How's the truant life?"

Ron snorted. "Considering Mum has taken it in hand to teach us all in the absence of our professors, not _ nearly _so fun as you might imagine."

Fred grinned. "Rotten luck there, mate."

"My condolences," George added.

"Boys," Molly chided. "If you had taken half the interest in your education that these three have, you might have a _ responsible _position by now."

Fred shuddered. "Perish the thought!"

George gave her a horrified look. "Way to give us nightmares, Mum."

"Us? _ Responsible_? The world would stop turning."

Harry laughed and hugged them both. "Merlin, I could have used you two to keep me from… well, I've missed you, too."

Fred's smile faded. "Harry? You all right?"

Hermione came to his rescue. "Are any of us now?" She shook her head. "Hard to keep a smile on when you're in the middle of a war, but we're not here to talk about that. Catch us up on what we've missed about the family."

Everyone began sharing their news, but after a while, discussion turned back to the war anyway.

"None of know where the Malfoys have gone," said Ginny with a scowl. "Not that we miss them or anything, but when there's a cockroach hanging about, I like to keep an eye on it."

Harry shuddered. "Oh, I know where they are. They're in hiding at their manor, and Riddle is using all three of them as the entertainment at the weekly business dinner."

Ginny huffed. "Serves them right."

"No." Harry closed his eyes, trying to banish the images of Lucius Malfoy pleading for Riddle to torture him in place of his son, only to suffer alongside him. "No one deserves that."

"_Oh_." Ginny sniffled. "I'm sorry, Harry."

"I… just… maybe we can change the subject? Please?"

"Sure," said George. "How does it feel to be a grown man now?"

Fred rested his elbow on Harry's head. "Well, mostly."

Harry snickered and shoved him off. "Oi! Just because you Weasleys all grow like trees…."

Fred chuckled. "Our poor little Harry."

"A bush in a forest of redwoods."

"And somehow—"

"He still manages to steal the show!"

"Prats," Ron said with a laugh. "Leave off. Harry's fine as he is."

"Don't even think of using me as an armrest, too," Harry muttered.

Ron grinned. "I value my life."

"You'd better!"

The others laughed.

Molly squeezed Harry's shoulder. "I'm sorry that we couldn't give you a party, Harry. You were exactly right. The Ministry hovered about the edges of the property all day yesterday. We only managed to run the last of them off an hour or so before you arrived."

"I set stronger wards this morning," said Bill, "but I still don't entirely trust them. You three will need to be polyjuiced for the wedding, I'm afraid."

"We expected that, but…." Harry turned to his elf friends. "Winky, Kreacher, please ward the Burrow so no one but the wedding guests can enter. Make sure no one from the Ministry with ill intent, reporters, death eaters, snatchers, or any of their ilk can get in either."

Winky and Kreacher bowed and popped away.

"Kreacher certainly has cleaned up," said a bemused Molly. "However did you get him to behave properly? And why are they wearing clothes?"

"We got Kreacher to 'behave,'" said a glowering Hermione, "by treating him with kindness and respect. And as for their clothing, house elves can wear and touch clothing that they make themselves."

Ron nodded. "They see giving them human-made clothes as a sign that they aren't wanted, but they can wear elf-made things."

"They _ love _to sew." Harry motioned to his wedding robes. "They certainly made short work of my rubbish wardrobe!"

"You look almost respectable now," said George with a wink. 

"And how," agreed his twin. 

Harry snorted. "Prats! Anyway, Molly, those catalogues we gave you a while back? For Forest House Fashion? That's _ our _ business. I handle the finances and inventory, Hermione handles the marketing side, and Ron handles the incoming orders and keeps our supply room topped off. The elves do the rest."

"Merlin!" Fred grinned. "All this time, we've been getting our new joke shirts and eclectic wear from you lot?"

Harry nodded to Dobby.

"Dobby loves making all the funny things for Masters Fred and George," said the elf with a huge grin. "It is keeping Dobby busy, when he is not helping Master Harry and friends with the war!"

The other elves reappeared. "And Winky is making all the dresses," she said with a beaming smile. "Winky is being so happy. It is being a dream come true to sew pretty things as much as Winky wants."

"Kreacher is making the men's clothes," said the elf, "and we is all sharing in making pretty clothing for the children. We is all being happy now."

"That's brilliant," said Ginny. "Luna loves your eclectic line. And I saved up so I could get my dress for the wedding from you." She spun about, showing off her pale yellow gown. "I half want to wear it all the time, it's so comfy."

"They're fantastic, aren't they?" Harry patted Dobby's shoulder. "We originally just started the idea to let them make clothes for themselves, but it just took off from there, and now we have a thriving business. We could use more staff, honestly."

"By Merlin, we know that feeling," said Angelina with a chuckle. "The twins get more business than I can keep up with."

"I wonder…." Fred looked at Winky with a frown. "Do all house elves like to sew?"

"Yes," said Winky. "It is once being what we is known for. And a sign of friendship between us and our families."

George rubbed his chin. "Fred, old boy, I think we haven't been as good to Daisy as we thought."

Fred nodded sadly. "So I see. Daisy!"

A young house elf with a Weasley-red mop of curls and a tea towel toga with the Wheezes logo appeared. "How is Daisy being helping master Fred?"

"This time, Daisy, I think we should help you." Fred patted the seat beside him. "Come here for a minute. Are you happy working with us?"

Daisy paled and grabbed Fred's hands. "Please don't be sending Daisy away! I is working harder! I—"

George rubbed her head. "Easy there. We couldn't manage without your help in inventory. We just… well, Harry and crew brought their elves to the wedding, and it made us think we haven't been doing right by you. Would you like to make some clothing for yourself? Some uniforms and everyday clothes, maybe?"

Daisy swayed. "Masters is letting Daisy make her clothes?"

"And for us, too," said Fred. "Though we're still going to import from Harry's business. Turns out those are all elf-made, Daisy, so you can touch them without being hurt."

"We didn't know you could wear clothes," said a chagrined George, "or we would have let you make yourself some sooner."

Daisy wailed and hugged their legs. "Oh, Daisy is being so _ happy_! Thank you, Masters!"

Fred patted her head. "Do you maybe want to stay for the wedding?"

Daisy beamed through huge tears. "Daisy would be happy to stay!"

"Then it's settled."

Daisy practically vibrated with joy, but her smiles faded at the sight of Harry's well-dressed elves. She looked at her own bare feet and toga, and a shamed blush crossed her face.

Winky stepped forward and offered her hands. "Winky has a dress Daisy might borrow for today, if Master says it is okay?"

Harry patted her shoulder. "That's a great idea, Winky. Go ahead and deck her out."

Fred smiled. "Go on, Daisy. We'll get some fabric and supplies for you after the wedding so you can start making your own things soon."

Daisy hugged his legs and wailed in happiness. Winky led her away when she was more composed.

"You know, Harry," said Fred, "you could make a killing selling clothing for elves and goblins. Goblins love fancy things, and decent people would want to give their house elves clothes without hurting them, if they knew how. Minerva would probably buy uniforms for all the elves and a few day to day things, for example, and I think Hogwarts has over a hundred elves. That would keep your business in the green for a good, long while."

Harry grinned. "I'm sure they would love to help, but Minerva really ought to have her house elves make their own things. Like we said, house elves _ love _to sew, and we already have more business than we can keep up with."

Fred grinned. "Our ickle Harrykins, all grown up and a fellow entrepreneur now." He wiped a fake tear from his eye. "I'm so proud."

"And ickle Ronniekins," said his twin, "finally doing something more profitable than—"

"Don't even think about it," said a glowering Ron.

The group laughed. 

Fred grinned and clapped Harry's shoulder. "Seriously, well done, all of you. We'd be willing to give you our stamp of approval, as it were, if you wanted to branch out into house elf clothing."

"A joke shop?" Harry chuckled. "I'm not sure how much it would help, but thank you. We'll talk to them later and see how they feel about it. In the meantime, what else have we missed?"

Bill shook his head. "A _ lot_. I reckon you had best get a wizarding wireless if you haven't already. With You-Know-Who trying to take over, Fred, George, and Lee have been working on getting a news station up and running."

"First password is 'Potter,' of course," said Fred with a wink. "But what we _ really _need to discuss—"

"Is what in the world—"

"Was so bad—"

"That you managed to convince _ Hermione Granger _ of all people—"

"To quit Hogwarts and bail, Gred and Forge incognito mode?"

"Though you do get points for style!"

"And for keeping Dumbledore and Snape hopping all this time."

Harry chuckled wanly. "I reckon it's safe enough to reveal some of the truth now, with Dumbledore dead and Snape out of the Order." He stood and took a deep breath. "_Revertis_."

The Weasleys gasped as one as Harry's golden eyes and red wings made themselves visible.

"Sweet Merlin," Molly breathed, "are you really…?"

"A sunguard," said Ginny with a wan smile. "I've known since last Christmas."

"That's when my wings broke through," said Harry with an apologetic look. 

"Mon dieu," said Fleur. "You are lovely, 'Arry. I 'ave never seen anozzer being before, other zan Professeur Firenze and ze Veela in my family." She spread her own silver-feathered wings and smiled. "We are truly family now, oui?"

Harry smiled back. "Yeah. But speaking of, shouldn't we be getting ready for the wedding?" He reapplied his glamours. "Please, tell no one what I am. All it would take is a little research to reveal my weakness. They don't have to kill me if they can find my mate."

Bill paled. "Dear gods. Harry, is it…?"

Harry nodded grimly.

"Shite." Bill rubbed his forehead with a shaking hand. "Harry…."

Harry hugged him. "It's okay. Well, not okay, but I'll survive."

Bill squeezed his shoulder. "Yes. You will. We'll… work something out."

Harry gave him a wan smile. "Thanks." He turned to the others, taking a moment to look at Michael and Alicia in particular. "Telling anyone what I am would put me in lethal danger. Do I have your vow that you'll keep it quiet, for my sake and that of everyone else?"

Michael nodded, eyes wide. "It's you, isn't it? You have to fight him. You're the only one who can."

Harry nodded. "Unfortunately so, but if anyone finds out who my mate is… well, it wouldn't be too hard to kill me that way."

Alicia shuddered. "Merlin forbid. We'll keep it quiet, Harry. We promise."

"Thank you."

Molly patted his shoulder. "We'll protect you, dear, and the rest of you, Harry is right about the time. We have three hours to get everything ready. Get moving, everyone!"

The Weasleys hopped to it, and Molly dished out their orders.

* * *

The wedding was lovely. Fleur had glowed all the way down the aisle, and despite a bit of controversy over her veela wings and heritage, the extended family had accepted her after a little grumbling. 

The reception had been… enlightening, too. Harry locked himself in his room and sat on his bed, head in his hands. The more Aunt Muriel had shredded Dumbledore, the more Harry had thought of his mate and wondered if they had missed something. Had Dumbledore's death been the act of evil it appeared, or had Severus been trying to spare them a worse fate?

Harry tugged his copy of advanced potions out of the wardrobe and ran his fingers over the letter. His last tantrum had crinkled and crumpled the parchment, but Harry couldn't bear to throw it out.

With a shudder, he shoved it aside and yanked out a sheet of parchment. His quill shook as he wrote.

> _ S, _
> 
> _ I don't understand you, sir. You killed Dumbledore, but protected the students. Why? Why did you kill him? Why protect the students? Please. I need to understand. _
> 
> _ —H _

"Kreacher!" The elf appeared with a bow, and Harry handed him the letter. "Please take that to Severus, if you safely can. Hide my trail."

Kreacher bowed and vanished, and Harry waited, staring at his potions book and trying not to fret himself into an early grave.

Kreacher reappeared a few moments later, ears drooping.

"You couldn't deliver it?"

Kreacher sniffled. "Kreacher is asking Hippa to take it to him in his quarters at Malfoy Manor. And… and Hippa is saying he is… burning it, Master."

Harry's heart snapped, but he pushed his pain aside, as he always did these days. "T-thank you for trying, Kreacher."

"Is Master well?"

"I… no. I need a moment. Please."

Kreacher bowed and left, expression grim with worry.

Harry laid his potions book in his lap and tried to read the letter one more time, to give himself some small measure of hope, but his tears blurred the letters.

"Why? Severus, _ why_? Why did you kill him? Why do you hate me so much? And why, in all the realms, did my mate have to be the one man who will never accept me?"

Harry traced the handwriting on the note one more time, closed his book, and shoved it in the back of his wardrobe. It was best that he never take it out again. Even if Severus wasn't the monster the world thought him to be, the man hated him and always would. The second Harry's resolve weakened, the second he was stupid enough to tell Severus the truth was the second Harry would die a brutal death.

He muttered into his pillow, "I wish Xerides was my mate. Or Neville. Or Dean. _ Anyone _other than Severus. And Xerides even has the right kind of magic to balance me."

Harry sniffled and curled into the blankets. "Stop, Harry. Just… stop. I can't have a mate. I… just can't. It's better to be alone."

Even if it tore the heart from him more and more every day.

With another little whimper, Harry buried his face in the pillow and waited for sleep to come.

* * *

Severus dragged himself back to his rooms in Malfoy Manor. Or rather, Lucius half-carried him there. Tears had started long ago, and in light of the agony wracking every inch of his body, Severus hadn't the strength or will to care. 

"It's not my fault the Weasleys warded us out," he muttered to Lucius as the man helped him onto his bed. "I do not know how they managed it any more than the dark lord does."

Lucius nodded. "I know. Rest, Severus. I will attempt to heal you."

Severus choked out, "I half wish you wouldn't."

"I know that, too, but I cannot do this alone."

Severus heaved a sigh. "Y-yes. I… thank you, Lucius. For helping me. I do not know if I could face this darkness alone either."

Lucius nodded and set about pouring healing potions into him.

"Thank all the gods they survived." Severus closed his eyes around tears and faded into unconsciousness.

* * *

Harry bolted up, chest icy cold and aching. Fawkes was twittering over him and dropping tears onto his chest, but they didn't help. 

_ Shite_. Severus.

"Kreacher!"

The elf appeared, eyes heavy with tears. "Kreacher is not being able to leave Master Severus for long, Master Harry."

Harry winced. "What happened?"

"The dark one is being angry that he is not able to attack the Burrow this evening, and he is blaming Master's mate. He is torturing him brutally. Master Severus is scared and bleeding and badly hurt. The master of the house is taking him to his hidden rooms."

"Dear gods." Harry cut his wrist and filled a phial with his blood. "Take this and a phial of Dawn Elixir and Sunshine Elixir to Severus after he's asleep, if Hippa will let you. Hurry."

Kreacher bowed and vanished. Harry called in the rest of the household, and everyone piled in to wait with cups of hot cocoa and a game of exploding snap.

Three hours passed before the pain faded and Kreacher returned.

Harry grabbed the elf's hand. "How is he, Kreacher? Do you know?"

Kreacher shuddered and nodded. "When Kreacher is bringing holy blood and potions to heal Master Severus, Hippa is showing him into the hidden rooms. I is still not being able to get into them alone, but she is letting Kreacher help heal him after the master of the house put him to bed and gave him potions."

Harry blinked. "_Lucius _tried to help him? Hmm."

"Yes, but Master Severus is being too hurt for the master of the house to save, and he is being grateful to see us with help. Master Severus is being delirious with illness and pain, so Kreacher is trying to feed him our our potions. He is not wanting to take them, so Hippa is getting him to drink."

Ron nodded. "So he's okay now?"

"He is sleeping normally and Hippa is watching over him, but…."

Harry's heart slammed into his ribs. "But what?"

Kreacher's ears folded back. "I is not being sure, Master, but Kreacher thinks Master Severus is being glad the Weasleys is not being hurt. He is saying things like, 'thank the gods they are safe,' many times while we is trying to heal him. He is never saying names, but Kreacher thinks Master Severus is being too ill to think beyond the present right now. Kreacher is thinking he must be talking of the Weasleys."

Harry hugged his chest and stared at the blanket. "It still doesn't excuse murder."

Hermione shook her head. "No, but what's going _ on _ with him, Harry? Why would he protect the school, then murder the headmaster, but not attack anyone else? Why would he go along with the attack on the Burrow, then be happy that it failed despite being brutally tortured for it? None of this makes any sense."

Harry stared at his wardrobe. "I… don't know, Hermione. All I know is it hurts, and I'm scared, and… I just don't want to think of it."

Ron waved the card deck around. "Another game then, mate?"

Harry smiled in relief. "Yeah, maybe a few more rounds to take our minds off things. Then we had better get some sleep so we can focus when Xerides comes again."

"Sounds like a plan." Ron dealt, and Harry let the game take his thoughts off his confusion and pain, if only for the moment.


	25. Wiser Heads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xerides helps Harry see what he couldn't on his own.
> 
> I edited this to remove the religious references. Some people don't understand them, others are probably going to be offended, and there's a high probability I got the details wrong anyway. So, just a heads up, Xeri's backstory has been tweaked a bit (mainly by changing Helios' mate's name and just dropping the stuff about Esther.)
> 
> Also, I'm working on floor plan drawings for the Forest House. I don't have the other floors finished (architectural drawing is a huge challenge for a disabled artist with a tremor), but the first floor is finished and linked now, if you're curious. And I now have *16* illustrations finished for this series alone, _without_ including the other floor plans. 😅
> 
> Added the basement level!
> 
> Added the last two floors. Floor plan is finished!

#  **Chapter 25**

##  _Wiser Heads_

Xerides followed the faint trail of his own magic through the forest to the quaint cottage buried in the trees. The residents had done a good job of hiding the place. Too good. Xerides had been searching for months before Fawkes came to him.

> _ Xerides staggered out of the trees. Another failure, and worse, he had tarried too long on his search and the dawn had sapped his strength. Well, he would still be a formidable foe should someone be foolish enough to challenge him, but he had neither the benefit of shadow walking to take him home, nor a safe place to sleep off the draining effects of daylight, always worst at the height of summer. _
> 
> _ He had precious little time to search each night, and many long hours of weariness he had no choice but to wait out. And this night, he had spent too long chasing fairy trails that led to nothing, leaving himself vulnerable and alone in unfamiliar territory. _
> 
> _ "Damn. Five months searching and nothing. It is like he has vanished off the face of the earth." _
> 
> _ Xerides sighed and sat on a fallen log near the edge of the forest. "I can go no further today, not alone." He stared into the trees surrounding his clearing, uneasy at the stillness. If he had to spend the day in an unfamiliar forest, he would have liked to hear the sounds of birdsong and chattering small creatures. Their presence meant no large hunters—or humans—roamed nearby. Their absence spelled danger. _
> 
> _ "Perhaps I should give up this mad quest. I am continually placing myself in harm's way, and for nothing. Perhaps my scrying pool was incorrect and he is not within a forest at all." _
> 
> _ Xerides rested his head in his hands. "If he is in a human city, it would be suicide to search for him there. Fates, what am I to do?" _
> 
> _ He shook his head. Moping would accomplish nothing. As long as he remained trapped in this strange forest, he might as well take the time to harvest what plants and medicines he could from its bounty. He set about carefully cutting back leaves and stems without damaging plants beyond repair, digging up portions of roots but leaving the whole, and gathering samples of moss and fungi. He had just finished collecting the inner bark of an aspen tree when the trill of a bird made itself clear. _
> 
> _ A lark? No. This was no ordinary bird. No muggle bird had the capacity to sing like that. He hadn't heard song like this away from home, where the night birds flitted about. Xerides looked up just as a fiery red and gold beauty landed on a tree nearby. _
> 
> _ "Ages across, a phoenix!" Xerides stood and gazed at the visitor. "What brings you to me, little one? Your kin do not generally seek out mine. Or are you simply passing through?" _
> 
> _ The phoenix trilled what sounded like a greeting and flew down to Xerides. The bird landed on his shoulder, and Xerides' breath stilled. Tingling wonder spread through his veins. Had this _ ever _ happened to a night elf? Not often, to be sure. Phoenixes preferred sunny companions. Light elves, sun elves, and…. _
> 
> _ His heart thumped. And sunguards. _
> 
> _ Xerides swallowed a surge of fluttery nerves and eased one hand towards the beautiful creature. It did not fly away, and Xerides soon found himself petting his silky, hot feathers. _
> 
> _ "Why have you chosen to visit me, sun bearer? Do you mean to take me to the new sunguard? To Harry Potter? Are you his familiar, little one?" _
> 
> _ The phoenix gave a happy trill and offered his tail feathers. Xerides considered for half an instant, but he was vulnerable here, and phoenixes did not lie. _
> 
> _ He took a deep breath and steadied his mental shields. "Very well. I will trust you, fire bearer." _
> 
> _ The phoenix rubbed his cheek, and Xerides' heart rate slowed. With a nod, he took a firm hold of the bird's feathers and gasped as a sensation of lightness rushed over him. The next instant, they were soaring through the air, and Xerides used the last of his daytime magic to hide them from sight. _
> 
> _ They flew for what seemed like both hours and mere moments to the weary elf, but soon, the phoenix alighted in a thick forest in the southeast of England, near the border of Wales. Xerides hadn't considered the sunguard would stray so far from Scotland. No wonder he hadn't found him. _
> 
> _ The phoenix led him to a shaded clearing with plenty of cover and a bed of moss to use as a sleeping spot. A chorus of birdsong all around gave him some measure of safety, but had this been the bird's only intent? _
> 
> _ Xerides pressed against the nearby auras and gasped. The phoenix left a brand of fire against his cold, starlit core, but beyond it, he felt the faint presence of an aura bright as the sun. _
> 
> _ "He is here." _
> 
> _ The phoenix trilled, and Xerides curled up to sleep, content that he had, at last, found his quarry. _
> 
> _ "Thank you, friend." _
> 
> _ The phoenix alighted on the tree stump behind him, settled down, and trilled a soft lullaby. Xerides fell asleep in moments, for once plagued neither by the icy cold of loneliness or the horrors of his dreams. _

After Xerides woke, the phoenix had brought them to a grove of wild blackberries and apple trees. A perfect dinner for a mostly vegetarian night elf and a herbivorous phoenix. Just as Xerides had finished washing the juice from his face and hands and spelling his mouth clean, Harry had come.

Xerides flushed at the memory of the way Harry had taken in every inch of his body. He had known long before Harry babbled out his half excuses that the sunguard had only been trying to reconcile his knowledge of night elves with the truth, but it hadn't felt like it to Xerides. 

Well, there was no sense worrying about it. They all had more important things to focus on, and Harry's friendship was far more gift than Xerides had ever expected to receive.

Xerides entered the wards and looked about. Harry's aura felt closer than the house, but he wasn't in sight. A phoenix trill drew his attention, and he turned to find Fawkes flitting about between a line of fruit trees, and Harry flying above them, summoning the ripe fruits from the treetops.

Xerides watched with a smile. The moon shone on Harry's hair and skin, and his golden eyes glowed like stars. By the moon, Harry reminded him of Helios. How many years had it been now? Too many. 

A gentle touch fell on his arm and shocked him out of his memories.

"Beautiful like that, isn't he?"

Hermione. Xerides gave her a hesitant smile.

"Ah, he is lovely, yes. Where is your mate?"

"Cleaning up after dinner with Winky, but…." She stared into his eyes as if searching for something.

"Have I said something I should not?"

Hermione gave him a wry smile and shook her head. "For a minute, I thought… but never mind it. Harry!"

_ 'Thought what?' _Xerides pushed it behind his mental shields. No matter. 

Harry came out of the trees with a wan smile. "Xerides! You're a bit early, I think. Or I'm running late. Welcome back."

Xerides nodded. "Thank you. I am a little early, I think. How was the wedding?"

Harry's eyes filled with some heavy, dark pain. Fates, had it not gone well?

"It was lovely, if a little too exciting. Fleur didn't hide her ancestry when she walked down the aisle, and it set a lot of the family in a tizzy."

Xerides frowned. "Her ancestry?"

"She's a quarter veela. She doesn't have all the traits, but she does have the wings and the allure."

"Ah. I see." But if the wedding had gone well in spite of the controversy over the bride's race, what had made Harry look so sorrowful?

"Anyway, it was mostly peaceful, considering the death eaters tried to attack the Burrow." Harry chuckled, though the sound rang with sorrow. "None of them would ever think a house elf could stop them in their tracks."

"Lucius Malfoy might," said Hermione with a snicker.

"Remind me to ask Dobby to tell you that story sometime, Xerides." Harry gave him a wan smile. "Definitely one to remember, even if Lucius is… well, I'm not so sure about him anymore."

Xerides frowned. Something was wrong with Harry. "Perhaps you might show me the tale during mind magic lessons, when we begin them, but are you well?"

Harry's shoulders slumped. "No, honestly. I'm… the wedding, much as I'm happy for Bill and Fleur, was hard on me, but there isn't much I can do about it. I tried to…." His eyes glimmered too much. "There's no sense worrying about it. I can't fix it." 

"Oh, Harry…." Hermione rubbed his shoulder and Harry gave her a wan smile. 

"Thanks." He wiped his eyes and steadied his breath. "Let me carry these in and put them away, and we can start training."

Xerides hesitated. "If you are unwell…."

"There's nothing physically wrong with me, and training would get my mind off the rest for a while. I need to think about something else anyway."

Xerides took one of the baskets. "I shall help, if that is well with you and your house elf friends?"

Harry gave the night elf a searching look. "Of course, but do you remember how it used to be? For the house elves?"

"Remember, no. It changed before my birth, but I do know of their history."

Hermione took a basket of fruit and scoffed. "It's so horrid, what humans did to them."

"I am surprised they told you of it." Xerides frowned. "How _ did _they tell you of it? The curse would have killed them."

Harry gave him a sheepish smile. "All our fault, I'm afraid." That dark shadow crossed his face again. "And my mate's. And Dobby's, of course."

"Dobby? He told you of it? How did he survive?"

"We call it Aurora General Antidote," Hermione said. "An experimental panacea against poisons with a liquified bezoar and Harry's blood and tears, among other things."

Harry grimaced. "Thank Merlin it's only the blood and tears that do it. Can you _ imagine _how embarrassing it would have been if my se—"

Hermione clapped her hand over his mouth. "_Harry_. For Circe's sake, are you _ trying _to offend?"

Harry choked. "Oops. Um… sorry, Xerides. I reckon you could've gone your entire life without hearing that, yeah?"

Xerides laughed unabashedly. "Harry, I train warriors for a living, not only elven warriors either. Trust me when I say I have heard _ far _worse."

Harry gave him a wry grin, a little strained around the edges, but talking of other things did seem to help. "Well, at least I haven't scarred you for life then."

"Not yet, little warrior."

Harry chuckled and let Xerides and Hermione into the kitchen. 

And Xerides stopped dead at the door.

Ron stood in front of the wireless, eyes wide and face ghost-white. The dishes lay in the sink behind him, unwashed. Dobby held a shaking Winky against his chest, and his eyes were wide and teary.

Oh, fates. This wasn't good.

"Shite." Harry set his basket on the counter and grabbed Ron's shoulders. "What? What is it?"

Ron pointed to the wireless and shook his head, apparently too horror-stricken to speak.

A man's voice came through the device. _"And that ends our moment of silence and ritual of sending for the victims. I'm afraid we haven't time for more. With the Minister dead and You-Know-Who's minions in control of the Ministry, time is short for everyone. Anyone of Muggle descent would do well to get the hell out of Britain while you still can, or join the fight if you've a quick wand and an able body."_

The man went on, but Xerides' focus centered on Harry, who sank to his knees in horror at the announcement.

"Oh gods, no," Harry breathed. "It's too soon. We aren't ready."

Xerides helped Harry back to his feet. "I will help you, if you let me."

Tears pooled on Harry's lashes, crystalline and shiny as starlight. "It won't do any good. Even if you train me to be as good as you, it won't help."

Xerides' ears dropped along with Harry's tears. Gods, he hated to see him cry.

"Why do you say that? The dark one is human. He will die when he is struck through, as any other human."

"Actually, Xerides," said a sniffling Hermione, "it's a lot more complicated than that."

Xerides guided Harry to the table and helped him into a chair, then did the same with the rest of the household. "Now, tell me what the issue is. Perhaps I might be able to help."

* * *

Harry watched Xerides' ears drop lower with every word from their mouths. Horcruxes. Three left, all either unreachable or their location unknown. Stolen sunguard blood. No weakness of a predestined mate, but a good chunk of Harry's power. No protection against Riddle's touch any longer.

"And it gets worse." Harry stared at the table. "My mate… we thought he was a spy for us, but then, he betrayed the Light." He winced. "At least, we thought he did, but Kreacher's reports don't line up. He's not acting very much like a traitor when he's alone, but either way… well, let's just say it's unlikely to work out."

Xerides frowned. "His behaviour when he is alone is more likely to represent his true loyalties than otherwise. He may still be a triple agent. And as to your latter statement, Harry, being mates are always a person one has a high degree of compatibility with."

Ron snorted. "Well, our Harry is the exception to every rule, isn't he?"

Harry's laugh came out hollow. "The sad thing is, Xerides, I think you're right. I think we might have been compatible once. And maybe in the deepest core of us, we still are, and that's why fate chose him for me." 

Ron gasped. "Harry?"

Harry looked up, blinking tears down his face. "But it doesn't matter, none of it matters now. He hates me, he blames me for everything my father and godfather did to hurt him, and he's on the other side of the battlefield anyway."

Hermione gasped. "Harry… oh gods, what did they do to him?"

Harry shuddered and looked away. "I can't. I shouldn't have said that much."

Ron gulped. "How… how bad is it, mate?"

Harry stared at his hands. "Bad. I have this awful feeling like it might be even worse than I know, and what I know is already bad enough to have seen the lot of them in deep shite and Sirius—my godfather and father's best friend, Xerides—it was bad enough to see him expelled and in Azkaban, had the headmaster cared at all."

"Dear gods," Hermione breathed. "_They _ broke him. Professor Snape. _ They're _the ones he sees when he falls into the past and lashes out. And you look just like your dad!"

"That's about the size of it," said a tearful Harry. "He'll never be able to accept me now. And even if he could…."

"You'd be mated to a death eater," said Ron.

"Yeah. Even if we're not sure what the hell he's on about."

Xerides breathed in harshly. "Fates help us."

"So you see the mess I'm in, yeah?"

"Yes, but there is one problem with your story. Your mate _ cannot _be evil."

Harry crossed his arms over his chest. "I… we aren't sure he is either, Xerides, but the fact is that he murdered the former headmaster in cold blood. It's rather hard to look past that, even if the rest of his behaviour has all of us flummoxed."

Xerides' ears fell a bit more. "That is… a problem, but he _ cannot _be evil. It is magically impossible."

Ron cried, "Well, it's like we—"

Harry stopped him with a plaintive look and a hand across his chest. "Ron. Please. If there's even a chance, I need to know."

"But, how…?"

"I don't know," said Hermione, but Xerides has lived long enough to see it play out first-hand."

"I have." Xerides' expression took on an edge of grief. "Elder Urias sent me because I, of all the elves living, have more knowledge of battle, yes, but also of sunguards." 

He stared into the distance, as if seeing something far into the past. "I never met Merlin. By then, the lies about my people had become too commonplace to risk approaching humans, and though I tried to reach him, he was never without an entourage of trained warriors. I might have defeated them—they were muggle warriors, after all—but the loss of life would have been great, and Merlin would hardly have seen me as an ally if I had killed his friends and lover. No, it was never safe to approach Merlin, but Helios? I knew him well."

"Helios?" Hermione's eyes boggled. "He wasn't a god?"

Xerides chuckled. "He used to laugh so hard at those stories."

Hermione smiled. "I can imagine." She shared a wry look with Harry, and he snorted.

"Well, I've not quite made it to god status yet, but who knows? With a little more effort, maybe in a thousand years, the world will be shouting 'mother of Harry' when they stub their toes. It's a goal to aim for anyway."

Ron and Hermione snorted. Xerides gave that full, unrestrained laughter that warmed Harry down to his core and drove the ice of his pain away, if only for a moment. 

"You have a similar sense of humour, you and Helios." Xerides' eyes turned sad again. "He and his mate died thirteen-hundred years ago. We were dear friends, having grown up beside each other all those years ago. They were the last people to hug me and hold my hands, excepting… well…." He flushed. "It has been several centuries since I cared to try that, either." Something dark and painful passed over his face, but it faded before Harry worked up the courage to ask about it. "At any rate, without them, life has been lonely. I have had no one but Torasi, and he has been… traveling for too long."

Harry tugged Xerides' hand into his own. "Not anymore."

Xerides' ears moved back and his cheeks darkened further. "No." He took a shaky breath. "At any rate, I brought Helios up because we had believed the same of his mate. Ashti acted as a concubine of sorts for the armies of Persia. She carried food, water, and supplies, and was often passed about between soldier to soldier to meet their carnal needs, the demons. We believed, until she managed to escape during the second siege of Greece and beg our aid, that she went willingly and was an enemy of humanity and honour, but the Persians had captured her family, and the king had forced her into his bed as payment for their lives, then sold her to his armies when he tired of her. And even after she escaped, the Persian dynasty released false information about her, claiming she had gone willingly to the king's bed and betrayed him. Helios and Ashti were forced from their home to protect her, and as Torasi and I had no one else left, we went with them."

"Gods," Harry breathed. "How awful."

Xerides hesitantly rubbed Harry's fingers. "It was horrible for her. And I bring her story to light because it was then that Helios and I began to research what few histories of sunguard mates we could find, searching for discrepancies. And while we could not always prove or disprove the myths, that magic never chose evil people as a sunguard mate soon become readily apparent. Troubled people, yes. People who need the love and light of a sunguard's heart, absolutely, but never evil."

Harry blinked hard. "But you can't say I'm not the exception to the rule simply because it hasn't happened before."

"Perhaps not, Harry, but there is another point to consider, one Hermione reminded you of recently. Evil cannot bear to touch a sunguard. I cannot believe magic would make such a hopeless choice for you with that in mind."

Hermione gasped. "He's right. And Professor Snape _ has _ touched you, Harry. Without causing himself pain."

"Still a murderer," Ron pointed out.

"Maybe so, but…." Harry clung to Xerides' hand like a lifeline. "It doesn't entirely answer our questions, but thank you. I hope you're right."

Xerides nodded. "As do I, my friend."

"So what does this mean?" Ron crossed his arms over his chest and frowned. "We can't afford to treat Snape like an ally when he's acting as our enemy and refuses to respond when you reach out to him, Harry."

"If your mate is truly a triple agent in death eater territory," said Xerides, "responding to the advances of the other side might well put his life in danger. And our own."

Harry blanched. "S-so he might have just been trying to stay alive by burning my letters?"

"Yes, or to keep _ you _alive, and sending him letters when he is surrounded by darkness on all sides is dangerous for both of you."

Harry winced. "I sent them with the house elves. They wouldn't have dared give them to him if Severus wasn't alone and somewhere safe."

"Hmm. Perhaps, but I think a triple agent would still have had little choice but to mistrust such advances. Particularly if he did not know of your house elves and precautions to keep him safe."

Harry covered his face in his hands. "Shite. No, he doesn't know. You… you really think he might be innocent?"

Xerides hesitated. "That… I cannot say. It is difficult to explain the murder of the Light's general, but I believe he is still good at his core regardless."

Harry gave him a wan smile and wiped his eyes. "Well, I guess we still don't have all the answers we need, and he still hates me either way, but it gives me a little hope to believe as you do, Xerides. I do wish… but it won't happen. Still, at least we might be able to keep him safe when this is all over."

Ron patted Harry's shoulder. "In that case, I reckon it couldn't hurt to look for more evidence that he's on our side, even if I don't understand."

"Kreacher is telling us," said Winky. "He is giving us proof, if we is patient. Winky is sure of it."

Harry gave her a wan smile. "Yeah, I think you're right. We'll ask what he's seen when he comes home to rest." He gave the house elves a worried look. "I… I don't like to ask you now when I know you're scared, but when Kreacher needs a break, Dobby, would you…?"

"Dobby is taking over for Kreacher when he is being tired or hungry, Master Harry."

Harry squeezed his hand. "I'm sorry. I know you would rather be with Winky. Thank you."

Dobby shook his head solemnly. "Winky is having other family here to help her when Dobby is gone, but if your mate dies, Winky is suffering without a home. Dobby is protecting her by protecting you, Master Harry."

"True," said Harry with a sniffle. "Though Ron and Hermione wouldn't let Winky and Kreacher suffer." He looked to his friends. "You won't, will you? You'll take care of them if the worst happens?"

Hermione blinked down tears and hugged Harry tight. "You… you little prat. Of _ course _we will, but stop talking like that." She sat beside him again and wiped her face. "I know it seems bleak right now, but we'll work it out. Somehow."

Xerides tentatively laid his hand over Harry's. "I will help as much as I am able." 

Harry turned his hand up and squeezed the night elf's. "In that case, maybe you could come earlier or stay later so we can strategise together. Your knowledge is worth as much as your training."

Xerides' ears dropped. "It is dangerous for me to travel during the sunlit hours."

Harry frowned. "Well… hmm." He looked to his best friends. "I'm sure Fawkes would help, but… Ron, would you mind sharing a room with me? Or maybe…?" He glanced to Hermione.

Ron's ears turned pink. "Oh. 'Mione, are you ready for that step yet?"

"If it means Harry lives? Of course I am."

"No, not just for Harry." Ron kissed her hand. "If you're not, Harry and I will bunk up. We're used to sharing anyway. No pressure."

She blushed. "I'm mostly ready. Will you promise to wait for… until I turn eighteen? It's only a few more months."

"Of course, but why eighteen?"

"Muggles don't recognise children as legal adults until then," said Harry. "She's trying to respect her parents' wishes even if they won't…."

"Remember it." Hermione nodded tearfully. "I do, though, so it's important to me to obey."

Ron kissed her cheek. "We'll wait for both of us then. Can you hold off till March?"

She gave him a tearful smile. "Yes, of course. Thank you, love."

"It's nothing. We get to sleep next to each other. Promising to wait is nothing."

"Glad to hear it." Harry turned to Xerides. "Well, there's a room available here now, if you want to stay."

Xerides' glowing eyes softened. "You would open your home to me? A virtual stranger and a race your people abhor?"

"My people abhor a lot of races. They're ignorant and blind, and they'll stay that way until someone teaches them the truth. And I reckon the stranger part is easy enough to fix with time."

Xerides' cheeks darkened and his ears flicked back. "I… I have always lived alone, save for when I was very young, when my parents and Torasi's died. And when Torasi's family…." 

Another dark shadow of grief crossed his face. Merlin. What _ had _their new companion lived through?

"At any rate," Xerides went on, "sharing a home will be a novel experience, and one I will cherish. Thank you."

"Winky will help Master Xerides move in when training is done," she offered.

"Dobby, too, unless I is guarding Master Harry's mate."

Xerides bowed. "I am honoured to accept your assistance." He stood and guided Harry to his feet. "And on that note, if you are all collected enough to cope, we should train now, while our strength holds. The war will not wait."

"Yeah," said Ron. "Let's go."

Xerides nodded and led the way.

* * *

[Floor plan of the entry level of Forest House.](https://www.flickr.com/photos/141843489@N07/49346779661/in/dateposted/)

[Basement level.](https://www.flickr.com/photos/141843489@N07/49427149413/in/photostream)

[Forest House - Upper Stories.](https://www.flickr.com/photos/141843489@N07/49466483592/in/dateposted/)


	26. War Never Sleeps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry and Severus will be fighting the war from different fronts for a while yet.

#  **Chapter 26**

##  _ War Never Sleeps _

Xerides trained his new housemates hard, and, when he caught the humans flagging, he trained Harry alone. The sunguard did well for his second day and in consideration of the dire shock they had endured that evening, but by two in the morning, Harry could bear no more. He collapsed, barely conscious, at Xerides' feet, and Xerides' heart stopped for an instant. 

"Harry? Fates, have I killed you?"

The bundle of feathers at his feet laughed, then groaned. "Almost. Maybe we should just send you in against old Mouldy, yeah? You could train him to death."

Xerides chuckled and heaved Harry to his feet. "Your allies would kill me before I could get close enough, but thank you for the compliment. I think."

Harry laughed and winced. "Ugh. Ribs hurt." 

"May I see? I may be able to help."

"Sure. I'm hot as… hell anyway. Hard work, running around… dodging your magic all night."

"That would be the point."

Harry gave a short, pained chuckle and spelled off his shirt.

And Xerides forgot to breathe.

Fates help him, the boy's entire side was black and blue, and a deep cut scored his abdomen, side, and all the way around his back. That slicing wind _ had _hit home then. Harry had given no sign of pain beyond a small flinch.

Xerides had seen battle-hardened warriors give up for less than this.

"Sweet Nimue, Harry! Why did you not tell me you were so injured?"

Harry winced as Xerides pushed gingerly over his ribs. "Ah! Hurts. Damn. I guess… I didn't notice… until now."

Xerides stared. The boy had broken ribs and he hadn't _ noticed_?

Harry turned his face away. "Don't, okay? I have to. Even if it hurts, I can't stop or he wins. It's always been that way."

Somehow, Xerides had the sense that Harry was speaking of more than Voldemort.

Hermione handed Xerides a pot of greenish salve. "Essence of dittany. It cleanses wounds and seals them at once. It won't hurt you, right, Xerides?"

"Dittany is not harmful to my kind, no. I think there are few such a healing plant _ could _harm." 

"Ah. You know your plants, then."

Xerides chuckled wryly. If she only knew. 

"You might say that." He scooped some of the thin salve onto his fingers and brushed it over Harry's wound, starting in front. "Harry, I have watched stronger warriors fall prey to such injuries before."

"That's barely a scratch, Xerides."

"It is much worse than that, but I am speaking of your…." He sent starlight into Harry's chest and watched the image it formed atop his skin, revealing the damage inside. "Three broken ribs. That would make breathing exceptionally difficult, let alone fighting. How did you go on?"

Harry lifted his opposite shoulder in a half shrug. "I'm used to pain, I guess."

"Used to…?"

Ron slammed his fist into a wall. "Those evil, demented, soulless pieces of thestral shite!"

Xerides frowned. Who?

Harry winced. "Ron."

Ron huffed and sank into a conjured sofa against the far wall. "It's not right, Harry. They should be punished for what they did to—"

"Ron." Hermione's quiet reprimand stopped Ron's fuming, but Xerides wished it hadn't. What in the name of the fates was going on?

Then, he turned Harry to heal his back, and he knew.

Myriad white and red lines, thick and thin, scored and smooth, jagged and straight, crisscrossed his back and the skin leading under his waistband. Too old to be recent. Too new to have been solely a part of his distant past.

Used to pain. Yes, Xerides had no doubt of that.

He breathed deep to suppress a sharp surge of protective fury. By the tense set of Harry's shoulders and his trembling hands, he needed Xerides to be calm now. Normal. To reassure him that he wasn't damaged, that his abusers were the abnormality, not Harry. 

Xerides applied the dittany to the small of Harry's back and ignored his sharp intake of breath.

"I would like you to practice learning your body's signals and limits. While it is true that in a dire situation, one must learn to ignore mild injuries if one expects to live, an injury like this could severely hinder your ability to fight. It would be a simple thing to drink a potion between rounds or apply a splint with a spell. _ Ferula _ works well for wizards. Your pain tolerance is admirable, but you will perish if you do not also learn when to retreat and live to fight another day."

"He can't kill me, though."

"Did you not just tell me that he has sunguard blood now as well? He may indeed be able to kill you, if you press yourself too far."

Harry tensed, then slumped forwards. "We may as well call it in. He has all the advantages."

Ron snorted. "You berk. He's _ always _had all the advantages, and that's never stopped you before. Why give up now?"

"I don't know. I—" Harry's voice broke. "Every time I think, 'this is it, we've got him,' it blows up in my face. Literally, sometimes. Every time we find an answer, he has three more problems for us to solve, and _ then _our answer turns out to be rubbish, too." He jerked a hand across his eyes. "I reckon it's just getting hard to hold on."

Xerides stood and offered Harry his hand. "You are not alone."

"I'm scared."

Xerides nodded. "Even the bravest of warriors are not immune to fear, but remember that you do not face your demons alone. If you find it difficult to hold on, then we will hold you up. I will hold you up, too, if you allow it."

Harry looked up, desolate and afraid, and Xerides wished he knew how to heal him.

"Will you let us be your strength when you are weak, Harry? Will you let me help you?"

Harry gave him a tearful nod and rested his head on Xerides' chest.

Xerides' heart thumped and his breath stuttered, but he didn't dare move lest Harry think he was unwelcome at a time when his defenses had fallen.

"I-I am here, Harry."

Harry was too injured to hug him, but one arm wrapped around Xerides' back and tugged him close.

In that instant, Xerides knew something fundamental in his world had shifted. He didn't understand how yet, but he did know he would trek through hell to protect this rare, gentle person who would welcome even a night elf into his home and into his arms.

"We will defeat him together, Harry."

"All of us, mate," said Ron. 

"To the end," Hermione agreed.

"We is helping, too," Winky chimed in. Dobby nodded.

Harry lifted his head and gave Xerides and his friends a warm, tear-streaked smile. "Thanks. All of you. I… you're right. I'll… try to remember… I'm not alone. Now, will someone… heal my bloody ribs, already? They hurt… like a son of a bitch."

"Physician, heal thyself," Hermione teased.

"Huh?"

Xerides chuckled. He wiped a tear from Harry's cheek, bringing forth a confused blush, and infused it with the protective emotions he felt towards his new friend and the strength of his own brand of healing. A brush of the liquid against Harry's broken ribs couldn't take all the bruising or pain away, but it certainly helped.

"Oh, that's better, Xerides," Harry said with a smile. "Thanks."

"Anytime. Now, hold still and I will set about treating these bruises and your pain." Xerides opened his field kit and pulled out several leaves in various stages of dryness, some he had collected from the forest just two days before.

"Oh…." Hermione's embarrassed squeak amused Xerides. 

"Yes, 'Mione," said Ron with a grin, "I think he does know his plants."

Harry grinned, too, and Xerides' worry eased. Yes, Harry would be well, in time. They would see to it.

Xerides chuckled and began mixing a medicine for Harry.

* * *

Lucius knocked at Severus' door, for the time being at least, though his living quarters would soon change. Again.

"Enter."

Lucius came inside and shut the door. "Well, that you are now headmaster is good, as he has decreed that the Carrows are to teach Muggle Studies and _ Dark Arts_—not defence—and ensure that 'proper discipline' is kept. I think we both know what that means."

Severus closed his eyes. "Damn. Of all the cruel, bloodthirsty arseholes…." He sighed and dropped into one of his chairs. "I cannot prevent every abuse or we shall_ all _perish, but I will do all I can to protect them."

Lucius nodded and sat across him. "Be careful about it, Severus. He is also sending Pettigrew to spy on you and keep watch over the school."

Severus barely suppressed a retch. He did not manage to hide a shudder of revulsion. 

"I will… be careful." He held Lucius' gaze. "Lucius, keep Draco well away from Pettigrew. For that matter, keep yourself and Narcissa away from him. The rat is far more dangerous than he appears. _ Never _approach him alone. Never turn your back. Never underestimate him. Coward that he is, he knows dangerous spells that none but the caster can undo, and once you are in his thrall, gods help you."

Lucius' eyes blazed with silver light. "The rumors then—what they say he did to you—they are _ true_?"

Severus closed his eyes and turned away. "It is not a subject I am prepared to discuss." Or remember. Ever. "Simply promise me you will warn your family to take care around the rat."

"The fucking _ monster_!" Lucius' words came out in a harsh rasp. "I shall tear him limb from godsdamned limb and _ enjoy _it!"

Severus wheeled, shocked by both the swearing and the alteration of Lucius' voice, and his heart dropped into his feet. 

Lucius had sprouted silver wings, grown sharp claws, and his face had taken on the look of a bird of prey. 

Oh _ fuck_. He had gone full veela. _ Hacked off _ veela.

"Lucius." Severus called to him and cautiously held his shoulders. "Listen to me. You _ cannot _ attack him. If you reveal your race and your knowledge of his crimes, we shall _ all _be killed, Draco included. Breathe. Look at me."

"It is abomination, Severus!"

"I know. Believe me, I know, but you cannot reveal your loathing of the rodent. Not yet. In time, Lucius, we shall, with luck, live to see them all killed, but if we move too soon, all is lost. Breathe with me. Pull your power in. Good. Occlumency, Lucius. Reestablish it and pull in your wings."

Lucius paled and snapped his wings back into his shoulders. "Please, tell no one."

"I shan't. Does Draco…?"

"No. Draco does not have enough of the veela gene to carry the traits. At least, I have seen no evidence of them."

"That is probably to the best. He is too quick-tempered for his own good."

"Indeed." Lucius took a shaky breath and rubbed his face. "Forgive me, Severus. Veela absolutely abhor that kind of crime."

"For Merlin's sake, don't think of it then. Just promise me you will warn your son and wife and keep your loathing for him quiet, at least until the proper moment."

"I promise, Severus."

"Thank you." Severus turned back to the window. "You are certain about your decision to aid me?"

"Two heads are better than one."

Severus shot him a wry look. "Are you aware that is a muggle idiom?"

Lucius frowned. "Is it? Well, it is apt enough either way."

Severus nodded approval. "They are not beasts. Most of them." He sat beside Lucius. "Then I will introduce you to my friend, on the condition that you promise never to abuse her. She has been my only true ally for some twenty years now. I will not take well to tales of hard use or cruelty."

Lucius gave him a hurt look. "I thought you had come to trust me."

"Lucius, Hippa is a house elf. Your history with them is less than encouraging."

Lucius flushed. "Ah." He dropped his head. "I… I promise. I shall treat her with the same respect I show to you."

"Thank you. Hippa!"

The house elf appeared with a wary look at Lucius, and Severus began outlining their plans.


	27. A Cupful of Holy Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Body horror warning**. The end of this chapter is _gruesome_. Just a heads up. Also, there are a few hints of Harry/Xeri in this chapter. Harry is oblivious. Actually, Xeri is, too. Nothing major. Harry and Severus still have to work apart for the time being, so Xeri is mainly just trying to hold Harry together and vice versa.
> 
> Also, added a watercolor painting of Xeri by daylight. His eyes only glow at night. And another level of Forest House in Chapter 25.

#  **Chapter 27**

##  _ A Cupful of Holy Fire _

Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Xerides were discussing ideas on how to retrieve Hufflepuff's cup when Goldclaw's head popped into the floo. The sun had not yet set, so Xerides' power was too low to hide or shield himself. Harry acted on instinct and shielded the night elf behind a bubble of light. Xerides ducked away from it.

"I don't think it'll hurt you." Harry reached into the shield and took Xerides' hand. "My intent is to protect you, not harm you, so whether this is sunlight or not, it shouldn't hurt."

Xerides tested it with a fingertip and nodded. His ears popped halfway up. 

"Thank you, Harry. You should greet your guest now."

Harry nodded, but didn't release the elf's hand. "Hello, Master Goldclaw. I hope you'll keep my friend's presence here a secret?"

Goldclaw pushed his glasses up his nose. "A night elf. A warrior elf, I see. Actually… Battlemaster Delune?"

The night elf bowed. "Well met, Goblin Goldclaw. How are your cousins?"

"They are doing quite well in the king's guard, thanks to your training." Goldclaw fixed Harry with a wry look. "Your Ministry is not ours, Mister Potter, and goblins are not on unfriendly terms with the night races."

Harry dropped his shields and let Xerides' hand go, though he stayed next to the elf just in case. "Sorry about that. I wasn't certain, and I wanted him to be safe." He rubbed his neck and grinned sheepishly. "Not that he _ needs _my protection, of course."

"I do," Xerides murmured. "The daylight is dangerous for my kind, and to know you would offer your protection is… good."

Harry rubbed his arm briefly. "Yeah, but now that we know he's safe, what's going on, Goblin Goldclaw? Is there a problem with my account?"

"Not a problem, no, but this box just came into your possession with the late Minister's bequests. It seemed the late headmaster left it to you, and Minister Scrimgeour kept the box for thirty days under the Decree of Justifiable Confiscation to check for dark artefacts. As there are none present, he had been attempting to pass it on, but could not locate you." He held out a small cardboard box, somewhat larger than a book. Harry took it through the fire with a bemused frown. 

"Thanks, sir. Was there anything else?"

"Officially, no. Unofficially…." Goldclaw gave the night elf a respectful bow. "Your business with the cup of Hufflepuff? I suggest you tell your representative about Battlemaster Delune and find a way for him to attend the next negotiation session."

Harry looked between the goblin and his friend with a frown. "Is that okay with you, Xerides?"

"Yes, assuming I am safe."

"Fair enough." Harry turned back to Goldclaw. "Xerides is in danger from humans, particularly during the day. Can you make it so he has safe passage, say, two weeks from now?"

Goldclaw inclined his head. "At seven in the evening, so you have time to rest. Would that suit, Battlemaster?"

Xerides flicked his ears down. "The time is acceptable, yes, but would their representative work with me? Are they human?"

"Yes," said Goldclaw. "He is human. Bill is also a cursebreaker for us and has a veela for a wife. He is used to semi-human race types and knows the truth behind the Ministry-approved lies."

"And he's my oldest brother," said Ron. "The one who just got married, actually, so we do have an in."

Xerides' ears dropped lower. "You are certain of this?"

Goldclaw gave him a fierce grin. "You know full well that we goblins respect warriors, Battlemaster. Make it known that you are aiding Mister Potter, and your request will hold much more weight."

Xerides sighed. "Very well."

* * *

Harry stood in the kitchen with Xerides and tried to calm his terrified friend. Xerides' hand trembled in Harry's and his skin was cool to the touch. 

Harry couldn't comfort him with words, not with Bill in the other room, but he knew one way the frightened night elf might find some peace.

Harry moved to stand in front of Xerides and tapped his temple. _ "Read me," _he mouthed.

Xerides hesitated. _ [Are you certain?] _

Harry nodded and pulled the memory of Xerides' support when Harry's faith had fallen apart to the forefront of his mind.

_ "You are not alone." _

_ "I will hold you up, if you let me." _

Xerides' gentle presence left Harry's mind, but a seed of connectedness remained. The elf took a shaky breath. His ears fanned back and his lips curved up in a shy smile. 

_ [I have not had that kind of support from any but my cousin since Helios died. I would be glad to accept yours.] _

Grinning, Harry slid his arm around Xerides' tense shoulders, though he had to reach for them. _ "Ready?" _

Xerides stood tall and occluded his fears away, and in seconds, a powerful warrior stood where a panicking elf had been moments before.

"Well done," Harry whispered. "Teach me to control myself that fast when I'm scared?"

Xerides nodded. _ [Among other things. I am ready now.] _

Harry nudged him into his side. "Bill," he called, "I'm in the kitchen with our mentor, our trainer, and our friend, and I expect you to treat him with the same decency and respect you show everyone else, yeah?"

Bill called back, "Merlin, Harry. You sound like Mum! It's a little terrifying, if I'm honest. One Molly Weasley is enough."

Ron and Hermione snorted and chuckled. 

"The man has a point, Harry," said Ron. "We already warned him that Xerides is a night elf. Just come in."

"Yeah, I won't hurt—wait, your friend is Battlemaster Delune?"

Harry rubbed Xerides' shoulders and guided him into the living room. "Yeah, but we call him Xerides." He gave the elf a worried look. "Should we be more formal?"

Xerides shook his head. "I am content with our current arrangement."

Harry grinned. "Great. Anyway, Bill, Goldclaw suggested taking Xerides to your next negotiation meeting about the cup. Can we trust you to bring him back to us in one piece?"

"Of course." Bill moved to the elf and held out his hand. "I'm Bill Weasley, Ron's oldest brother. It's an honour to meet you, sir. The goblins have no end of praise for your skills."

Xerides' ears flicked back, but his smile was genuine. "I, likewise, have heard much from Ron about you."

"All good, honest," said Ron.

Bill chuckled. "Oh I'm _ sure_." He shook Xerides' hand. "So, tomorrow then?"

"Tomorrow."

* * *

As soon as Xerides stepped through the door to the forest retreat, a pile of red feathers and messy black hair tackled him. If he hadn't seen the wings and felt Harry's arms catch him into a tight hug, he might have attacked.

"Xerides, you're home! Are you okay? They didn't attack you? You weren't seen?"

"Slow down, Harry," said Bill with a chuckle. "Let him breathe."

Harry stepped back, cheeks red and golden eyes warm with relief. "Sorry about that. But you _ are _okay?"

Something long-since broken in Xerides shifted into a new alignment and healed. Harry was in danger until they destroyed all the horcruxes and their maker, and yet Xerides' safety was his first concern. Merlin, how long had it been since someone cared like this? And when had anyone but Torasi ever been there to welcome him _ home_?

Xerides couldn't hold back a smile at the wave of warmth and wonder that rushed through him and patched the holes in his lonely soul.

"I am well, Harry, thank you. We encountered no trouble on our trip or in negotiations."

"Thank goodness." Hermione gave a wry chuckle. "That knucklehead has nearly worn a path in the carpet worrying for you, Xerides. It was adorable."

"Oi," Harry protested. "Are you supposed to call gods adorable? I mean, look how fearsome I am!" He flexed his slender arms, and Xerides laughed with the rest of them.

"You do so remind me of Helios." 

"I'm honoured. Maybe we sunguards have similar personalities." A troubled expression crossed his face. "And maybe…."

"What?" Ron nudged Harry. "Maybe what?"

Harry shook himself. "Nothing really. Anyway, did you get the horcrux?"

Xerides had to commend Harry's skill at distraction, but he wasn't fooled. He had only ever seen that expression when Harry talked or thought about his mate. Still, if Harry wasn't ready to talk about it, Xerides would pretend he hadn't noticed.

"We did." Bill levitated the cup out of a pouch at his waist. "Don't touch it. There are some nasty curses on it I've not had the chance to remove yet."

Harry cocked his head. "Any that will hurt us if I destroy it?"

"No. Go ahead."

Harry nodded. "If you'll just set it on the flagstones for me?"

Bill floated the cup onto the stone walkway leading up to the front door. "All right. Ready when you are."

Harry whistled. "Fawkes, want to help this time?" 

With a delighted trill, the phoenix flew out of a nearby cherry tree and alighted on Harry's wrist. 

"Right. Let's just walk away from everyone. Stay back, please. Especially you, Xerides. I'm afraid this might hurt you if you get too close. Too much light magic in it to be entirely safe for a night elf."

Xerides had been tempted to go to his side for a better view, but at Harry's warning, he stayed put.

"Time to barbecue a little bit of the bald berk, yeah, Fawkes? One… two… three!"

Harry lifted his hand opposite Fawkes, muttered an incantation in what Xerides recognized as ancient Greek with a strong British accent, and threw his head back and his arms and wings wide. At the same time, the phoenix gave a sharp cry and shot into the air. 

Xerides' breath stilled as white fire and light sprung into existence around Harry and the bird, engulfing both in magic he hadn't witnessed for two millennia. Holy fire. Fates, it was beautiful.

Black smoke emerged from the horcrux, taking the form of a tall, angular man with black hair and eyes and a hooked nose. 

"You cannot kill me, Potter."

Harry ignored the shade.

"You think you are my mate? I will never accept y—"

"Yeah? Considering you're a shade of Riddle, _ not _my mate, thank you for that!"

Harry flung his fiery arms towards the horcrux, the phoenix gave another shrill cry, and the cup went up in flames. The shade screamed and vanished, and a fiery Harry sank to his knees. When the fire vanished from Harry's shaking form, Xerides found himself rushing forwards and catching the boy into his arms. 

Harry was sobbing.

"Harry…."

"If he ever knows, if he ever realises the truth," Harry choked out, "that's what will happen to me. I'll burn."

Xerides held Harry tight and cradled the boy's head against his chest. He had no words, only the comfort of his embrace and presence.

Bill cursed. "Harry, gods. Of all people…."

Harry shuddered. "What's going to happen to us, Bill? Even if I survive, even if we win, what happens when this is all over? None of us are entirely sure what you saw on the tower is what it appeared to be, but the rest of the world is. If we can't keep him away from the Ministry…."

"Oh, Harry," Hermione breathed. Ron folded her into his arms and stood stone-faced, yet the glimmer at the corners of his eyes belied his calm.

Bill gasped. "Oh gods, no. Harry, we won't let it happen. There's got to be some way to keep you safe and him out of trouble."

"I'm honestly less sure by the day that Severus is getting into trouble to start with, but even if I'm right, he could still be killed at any moment, and he's not listening to me. How in Merlin's name are we supposed to keep _ either _of us safe like this?"

"I… I don't know, but don't give up. We'll think of something."

"We will," Xerides murmured. "I shan't give you up so soon."

Harry buried his face in Xerides' chest and made the night elf's heart stutter and his cheeks catch fire. His belly filled with strange, fluttering sensations, and strong, protective devotion flooded his his chest. 

"Do not fear, Harry. I still believe your mate must be good at his core or fate would not have chosen him for you, but either way, we shan't let you perish. We will find a way."

Harry leaned back and wiped his eyes. "Thanks, Xerides."

"You are welcome, Harry."

* * *

_ "Severus, help me!" _

Severus retched and sobbed into his en suite toilet, unsure if he would choke faster on bile or tears, but wishing they would both hurry it the fuck up and put him out of his misery. He couldn't banish the images from his mind. A wash of curly blonde hair dragging over Lucius' dinner table. Blank brown eyes, stunned into stillness, then wild with terror, then fixed on his face and pleading. 

_ "Help me…." _

A flash of green light, the thump of a body atop the wood. The grating hiss of Parseltongue. 

The crunch of bones as Nagini detached her jaw and devoured Charity inch by inch. The tearing of flesh and gushing of fluids….

Severus gagged and retched again. He had no idea how he still had anything left within him to expel, but it must have come from somewhere. He dropped his head upon the seat with a desperate sob.

Oh gods. He had wanted, so much, to grab her and run, run where no one would find them, but no such place existed, and to do so would have cost Britain the war. He had done what he had to do, and yet, he would hear the gristly sounds, see the horror of Charity's slow demise for as long as he drew breath.

With every passing moment, he longed for the stillness of death more. To erase his memories. To take away the pain. Sleep. Eternal, dreamless sleep after a life full of nightmares sounded lovely.

A knock on the door announced Lucius' presence. No one else except Hippa could even see the entrance to Severus' rooms. 

Severus groaned, unable to summon the energy to answer. Lucius let himself in anyway, not that it surprised Severus.

"Yes, I understand how you feel." Lucius' voice was rough and hoarse. He sounded little better than Severus.

A gentle hand guided Severus off of the toilet and onto the edge of the tub. Lucius handed him a wet flannel and a glass of water. Severus wiped his face and rinsed his mouth. 

"Thank you." Merlin, he sounded horrid.

Lucius sat beside him. "Do you have a potion to selectively wipe memories from one's mind? I think I should like to forget the evening ever happened."

Severus stared at his knees. "I do not, and I would not use it if I did. Horrifying as it is, to forget it is to forget why we are fighting this war. Why we have chosen the path we have done. Charity deserves better than that."

Tears choked him. "I-I will never… never stop seeing it, Lucius."

Lucius shuddered and hugged his chest. Severus had never seen him look so small. 

"No. Neither will I." Lucius stood and paced. "How is it possible I ever believed _ those _ monsters to have the right of things? Inhuman beasts cruel enough to _ feed _humans to snakes and torture innocent women and children… even… even mine." He covered his face with a shaking hand. "Draco is scarred from serving as last weekend's entertainment, and I suppose it will be my turn again tonight. Gods. What did I see in them, Severus?"

Severus shrugged. "I think we were _ not _ seeing them, Lucius, or rather, we were trying not to see. They offered you power and prestige, and they offered me revenge. That is all we cared to see until they threatened what we could not bear to ignore."

"And this is where it has brought us." Lucius buried his face in a shaking hand. "I am so afraid of my turn to serve as the _ entertainment_, Severus, but even so, it is better than watching Draco and Narcissa suffer in my place and for my sins every damned week."

"That is why I do what I do, Lucius. So those with purer souls, with happier lives do not have to suffer in my place."

Lucius sighed and sat down again. "Would that we had understood before it came to _ this_."

Severus nodded and rested his head in his hands. 

_ "I pray to all the fates I never have to see you hovering at the dark lord's dinner table, Harry. _ _Even if I know your fate will follow soon after mine. Fuck, I hope the next life is kinder to us both."_

Severus wiped tears from his face and stood. "Come. We had best do something about our voices and restore our shields before…."

Lucius shivered and gave a pained nod. Severus wished he had comfort for him, but none existed in this world of nightmares. 

_ "Soon. Harry will end this hell soon." _

Or at least he would pave the way.

* * *

[Watercolor of Xerides by day](https://www.flickr.com/photos/141843489@N07/49345019776/in/dateposted/)


	28. Through the Clouds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of hope after last chapter's angstfest. "Síoda" is Irish Gaelic, by the way. It's said "SHEE-dah."

#  **Chapter 28**

##  _ Through the Clouds _

Autumn had come and gone with no answers. Ron and Hermione had already gone to bed, but Harry couldn't sleep. He was still sore from training, and his mind wouldn't let him rest anyway. He flew onto the roof of the house, brushed away the snow, heated the tile, and lay back in his bubble of warmth, watching the stars. 

Fawkes and Hedwig joined him after a time. Harry beckoned the birds to snuggle on his chest, where he could pet them both and draw some comfort from their presence. 

As they often did when Harry was alone, his thoughts drifted to Severus. It hurt to think about him. Even if Harry _ could _ work out the discrepancies between the headmaster's murder and Severus' behaviour afterwards—and he still had no viable explanation even if Severus _ had _been acting as a triple agent—Severus would never accept him.

And yet, he was still Harry's mate. 

He couldn't help worrying about him. Wishing things had been different. Wishing Severus cared about him, too.

But in six months of watching Severus, Kreacher hadn't found any undeniable evidence of his innocence, at least where Dumbledore was concerned. They knew by now that Severus diverted the Carrows from the students, and vice versa, as much as possible, that he had often _ Confunded _ them to keep them from assaulting children and assigned detentions with Hagrid when he had no choice but to punish the students, but having a conscience where his charges were concerned did nothing to prove his innocence in Dumbledore's death. 

They knew he grieved and mourned when no one was about, but as he rarely spoke during those emotional releases, and Harry didn't feel comfortable having Kreacher watch him during those private moments of grief anyway, they had learned little by it.

They knew he had terrible nightmares and night terrors, but Harry had also asked Kreacher not to watch Severus while he was in his personal quarters unless he was injured, so they had no idea what he dreamed about.

They knew he was desperately unhappy and waiting to die, not that anyone would let him, but that still did not explain his loyalties. 

And yet, Harry couldn't help but hope that all the conflicting evidence Kreacher had collected while trying to keep Severus alive would prove his mate's innocence somehow. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but he couldn't stop hoping that this would be the night that Kreacher uncovered the key. As Severus was fast asleep at the moment, and Kreacher had come home to rest, too, it wouldn't be. Still, Harry couldn't stop thinking of him.

A tread on the ground below startled Harry out of his thoughts. His pets took flight, Fawkes to a tree overhanging the house, and Hedwig for the owl roost. He missed their comforting warmth, but let them go.

A melodic, softspoken baritone called his name.

"I'm up here, Xeri."

Xerides scaled the side of the house like a cat—Merlin, that elf's pure physical prowess was something else. He gave Harry a sad sort of smile. "Long night?"

"Yeah."

Xerides removed his coat and lay beside Harry, though he had to position himself higher on the roof's gentle slope so his long legs wouldn't hang over the edge. Harry scooted higher to accommodate him. 

With a wave of Xerides' hand, a blanket of the night sky, scattered with glimmering bits of stars, dropped over them and further drove back the bite of midwinter. Harry ran his hand over the surface and smiled at the soft texture beneath his fingertips. He didn't know how a blanket of night sky could feel like warm velvet, but it did.

"This is lovely, you know. Your magic. I can't understand why anyone would fear something so beautiful."

Xerides snorted. "My magic can also be lethal."

"So can mine."

"True." Xerides searched Harry's eyes. "Harry, why are you out here at two in the morning?"

"Same as usual, I suppose. Can't sleep."

"You are thinking of your mate again?"

Harry sighed. "Yeah. For all the good it will do."

Xerides went silent for a long moment. When he spoke again, his voice came out hesitant. Uncertain.

"I have been thinking on the situation, too, and I keep coming back to the circumstances of the former headmaster's death."

"Yes, well, that would be the sticking point, wouldn't it? It's a bit difficult to excuse a man who murdered the general of the Light in cold blood, even if everything else he's doing makes me think he's more hero than villain."

"That is what is troubling me, Harry. I am not certain it was murder. I never have been."

Harry turned onto his side facing Xerides and gave him an incredulous look. "He blasted the man off the tower with the killing curse when he was unarmed. How could it not be murder?"

"He killed him, yes, there is no denying that, but there are many reasons to kill someone, Harry, and not all of them are evil."

Harry's heart pounded and his fingers sought the comfort of Xerides' hand. Would this be the key he needed so desperately?

"Tell me, Xeri. Please."

Xerides nodded and squeezed Harry's hand. "Yes. Well, it seems to me it might have been an act of mercy, calculated to appear evil and place the headmaster's spy in a position of power over the school. A position he could then use to protect the students from the worst of the dark one's wrath, as we know he has done."

"But why kill Dumbledore if his goal was to protect the school? Dumbledore could have done that easier himself." Harry scowled. "Well, at least in appearance."

"Not if he was already dying, Harry."

Harry gasped. "Dying?"

"He _ was _quite an old man. Perhaps he knew his time was near." Xerides sighed. "It is the only explanation I can think of that covers all the facts, at any rate."

Harry ran over his memories of the past year. Hadn't he wondered himself if Dumbledore's health was failing? 

"The curse. You think it was fatal?"

Xerides jerked up. "_Curse_? What curse?"

Harry winced. "I… I thought I had told you."

"No. What curse?"

"I… I don't know. Dumbledore went after one of the horcruxes—the ring—and it cursed him. He came back with his arm all shriveled and black."

"Fates!"

"Yeah. He said Severus treated him to cure it, and Dumbledore never let on that it was killing him, but then, he was never exactly forthright."

"The curse. Show me. Bring up a memory of it, please."

Harry opened his mind to Xerides, thinking of the first time he had seen the curse as compared to the last. To his dismay, when he compared his memories with the aid of legilimency, which corrected details human minds naturally forgot, he could not deny the progression of the curse. By the week prior to the Valentine's Day ball, Dumbledore's hand had looked as though the skin was flaking off, like ashes curling away from charred embers.

"Merlin," Harry breathed.

Xerides' expression turned grim. "Indeed. That curse is familiar to me—the curse of _Ignis Triplex_." At Harry's blank look, he explained further. "Triple Fire. Flesh, blood, and bone."

Harry gasped and shook away memories of the splash as Pettigrew's hand dropped into a boiling cauldron, the image of a horrifying half-serpentine man stepping out and scowling down his scrawny frame.

"That's probably it, considering. What does it do?"

"Quite literally sets fire to the flesh, blood, and bone. In most cases, it would burn a man to ash from the inside out within three days, but you said your mate attempted to treat it?"

"I… apparently so. I had thought before that it must have been a trick, but now…."

"Yes. If your headmaster lasted so long with the triple fire curse burning him to death, then I would say it was more miracle than trick." Xerides closed his eyes and shivered. "His death was absolutely a mercy."

"Merlin." Harry buried his face in Xerides' shoulder and shuddered. "Gods. How did he hide it? How did he go on as normal while in that kind of pain?"

Xerides stroked Harry's hair, soothing him down to his core. "One does what one must. And, I imagine, your mate's healing skills and potions must have eased it, at least in part."

"There's no cure for it, is there?"

"Not a cure we have access to any longer."

Harry looked up. "What?"

Xerides' eyes turned sad. "A potion made of starberries and moondew flowers would have once stopped it completely and healed the burned flesh, according to past elders in the nocturnal tribe. Now, there is no hope."

"Moondew and…." Harry winced. "They grew in the house elves' forest."

"They were once called the Síoda, after the fine silk that they cultivated. Their race has forgotten, but the term 'house elf' is actually derogatory. It implies they are elves—which they are, though a different species of elf—but only good as slaves. It is an insult both to high elves and the Síoda, but few recall it."

"_Damn_. Well, I'll be calling them by their proper name from now on. Merlin."

Xerides nodded and stared into the sky. "Their enslavement led to the loss of many beautiful gifts this world knows of only in legend. Living gems, clothing of sunlight and clouds, water that heals and turns back age—"

"The fountain of youth! It exists?"

"It did once, though it was a spring, not a fountain."

"And now it's all gone." Harry sighed and turned onto his back once more. "I begin to wonder if saving the human race is such a good idea after all."

Xerides chuckled. "Your cousins do have a formidable talent for destruction, that is true." He hugged Harry against his side. "But there is also art. Music. Books. Honour. Sacrifice. Love."

Harry remembered his mother's sacrifice, the way Ron and Hermione, and now Xerides and his house el—_Síoda _ friends, stood by him in everything. And Severus… if Xerides was right and the headmaster's death _ had _ been an act of mercy and protection… _ gods. _It meant the man had given up everything for them.

Harry's heart lurched. "I… I need to talk to him. Just… I need to know. I need him to know he's not alone. I need to do _ something._" He sat and made to fly down, but Xerides stopped him with a hand on his wrist.

"Take care, Harry. Your communication may put him in danger. Especially if you reveal his secrets."

"Damn. You're right." Harry sighed and flopped onto his back. "Much as I need to hear it from him, my answers aren't worth putting his life at risk. More than it already is, rather."

"Yes." Xerides lifted a tentative hand to Harry's hair. "You will work it out, in time. I am sure of it."

Harry shuddered. "I hope you're right."

Xerides sat and stared into the trees. "Yes. So do I."


	29. Hope in Sight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another Forest House chapter.

#  **Chapter 29**

##  _ Hope in Sight _

April brought new life to Britain in spite of the war raging all around and sowed the seeds of change between the jonquils and the hyacinth. Harry and Xerides were 'spring cleaning' on Hermione's directive, but, while cleaning under Harry's bed, they had found a bag of items he had packed on his last day of Hogwarts, and sorting through them had distracted them from their purpose. 

"This was the first pair of socks Dobby gave me after I cut him loose from the Malfoys. If I had known what I was doing to him, I'm not sure I would have gone through with it." Harry removed his footwear and pulled one of the vibrantly coloured socks over his ankle. "Maybe it's a good thing I didn't know. Dobby is a lot happier now." He pulled on the other one and wriggled his toes. "Despite the odd patterns, I have to admit I've never had more comfortable socks than what Dobby makes."

Xerides chuckled. "They do look comfortable. And bright."

Harry snorted. "Thank goodness my boots and trousers cover them in a fight, or the enemy would see me coming from a mile away. I do like them though, even if Hermione does think me mad for it."

"I should rather like a pair myself. Perhaps with plants and such instead of quidditch things."

Harry grinned. "Dobby will be thrilled." He put his shoes back on and levitated his dirty socks into the hamper. "Let's see what else is in here. Ah…." He pulled out an empty butterbeer bottle, miniaturised and charmed into a pendant. "I really should find a chain for this. Luna made it for me. The bottle was from the first time Seamus snuck alcohol into the dorm. I would only drink butterbeer because I didn't want to be too drunk in case the shite hit the fan, but the rest of them were passing around firewhiskey and scotch." Harry snorted and placed the pendant aside. "They made such fools of themselves. It's a memory I'm glad I wasn't drunk enough to forget."

Xerides chuckled. "I, too, choose to keep my wits about me when my soldiers indulge. The next morning, I try to convince them they said the most ridiculous things I can think of, and it _ works_, more often than not."

Harry laughed. "You _ do _ have a playful side. Show me more of it sometimes, yeah?"

Xerides' cheeks flushed. "I have been too afraid of this being a dream, I suppose. It seems unreal that I have a family and a home after so many years with no one but Torasi."

Harry squeezed his hand. "You're home, Xeri. Even after the war, assuming we ever find the way to beat him, you're welcome here."

Xerides rubbed Harry's fingers. "We shall find it."

"I hope so." Harry dove in for the next item and gasped as it cut his finger. "Ah! Damn mirror. Cuts me every time, but I just can't bear to throw it out. _ Sano_."

"Mirror?"

"Yeah." Harry reached into the bag with more caution and removed the shard of Sirius' mirror. "My godfather gave that to me. We used to talk through it, before he…." 

Harry stared at his reflection in the shard. "Do you know, I used to love him absolutely, but knowing he abused my mate… it's been harder to justify that blind devotion lately."

"Love changes as we grow regardless. It is nothing to feel guilty o—" Xerides gasped as Harry passed him the shard.

"What? Did you see someone?"

"No. But the aura—I can use this as a scrying tool, Harry. A scrying tool to find the diadem. I would have done so sooner, but I needed something with a connection to you." 

Harry froze, shock and wonder rushing through him. "You can do that? I didn't know you had the sight."

Xerides shook his head. "No night elf is a true seer. That is a gift of our cousins, the moon elves, and light elves in our daylight kin, but I do have some little talent for scrying. I may be able to divine the location of the diadem from this. The aura is right, but…." His ears drooped. "But if I use this to scry, it is quite likely the magic will consume it."

Harry stared at the mirror shard. "So if I give that up, we can find the diadem?"

"It is not guaranteed, but I believe so."

Harry squashed a wave of regret. "Do it. That thing is a safety hazard anyway, and it won't take away my memories regardless."

Xerides' ears dropped lower. "You… you are sure? It may not work, Harry. There may be protections, or we may not be able to pinpoint the place even with scrying, or—"

"But there's a chance, right?"

Xerides took a deep breath. "Yes."

"Then do it. We're fighting blind otherwise. This might, at least, narrow our options down."

Xerides' ears popped back into their natural position. "Very well. We shall try it on the next new moon, when my powers are strongest."

"Brilliant." Harry levitated the mirror shard into his nightstand drawer and warded it. "So it stays safe. Now, we had best put the rest of this away and get back to attacking the dust bunnies before Hermione comes in here swinging her broom."

Xerides chuckled and held the bag open for Harry.

* * *

The morning of their planned ritual, a letter came from Molly, or rather, _ through _Molly.

"Oh my gods!"

At Harry's cry, the entire household came running, less Dobby, who was watching over Severus while Kreacher rested.

"What?" Hermione grabbed Harry's hand. "What happened? There was nothing on Potterwatch, so it must have happened in th—"

"It's good news, not bad." Harry grinned and passed her the letter. "I'm a godfather! Remus and Tonks just had a baby boy last week."

The humans and Síoda all cried out and squealed their congratulations. Xerides was more composed, but the light in his eyes made Harry happy.

"He was born April first at three in the morning. I… I forgot his weight and height, but it's in the letter. His name is Edward, but they're calling him Teddy for Tonks' dad. And…." His joy faded. "And Remus is sure he's a werewolf, too. That's why it wasn't on the wireless. Too dangerous for Teddy."

Hermione winced. "It's two weeks to the full moon. He's going to endure his first transformation at three weeks of age?"

"I know. Poor little tyke."

Ron nodded grimly. "Hopefully they'll have some wolfsbane to make it easier on him. But a godfather! Congratulations, Harry!"

Harry closed his eyes. "I want to be there for him. I want to know him, unlike my own family."

Xerides squeezed his shoulder. "You will be. Even if he must come here until the war ends, we shall find a way."

Harry grinned up at him. "Thanks. I'm so excited. Can we celebrate a bit before you rest for the day, Xeri?"

"A celebration of birth can only bring good fortune for our search tonight."

"Great! I _ really _needed some good news for once."

"Kreacher is thinking we may have more soon," said the tired Síoda. "I is hoping so anyway."

"So do I," said several people at once. 

Harry nodded solemnly, then beamed as he set about making a cake with Winky.

* * *

Harry knelt beside Xerides, watching the elf's glowing eyes for signs of recognition. He had been staring into the mirror shard for twenty minutes without blinking. Long enough that Harry might have tried healing his eyes if he hadn't known full well that Xerides had done this ritual alone before.

Dobby and Winky watched, hands intertwined, and beside them, Ron and Hermione sat in a similar position. As Severus was out patrolling the corridors in effort to keep as many of the students safe as possible, Kreacher had gone with him. 

By now, Severus knew a second house elf was protecting him, if not whom. He had taken to talking to Kreacher occasionally, mostly just asking what in the name of Merlin was he supposed to do now or expressing worry and fear. Sometimes guilt. Harry hated himself for listening in through his elf, but he had little other choice. 

It wasn't as if Kreacher's presence could make Severus hate him _ more_, after all, and he did tell Kreacher not to intrude on the man's personal moments as much as possible.

Harry emerged from his thoughts with a jolt at the sound of his name, called in an ethereal, distant tone.

"Xerides? I'm here. What is it?"

"Do you trust… me to be… your eyes?"

Be his eyes? Ah. Maybe Xerides wanted to show Harry what he was seeing.

"Yeah. I trust you."

Xerides pressed his palm to Harry's forehead, just over his scar. A jolt hit him as Xerides' cool, tingling magic joined with Harry's own and trailed down his optic nerves. A flash of light hit his brain, and, at first, he could see nothing. Then, Xerides' voice spoke again, in that strange, disconnected manner Harry typically associated with Luna. 

Hmm. Maybe there was more to her strange creatures and uncanny knowledge than they knew. The thought flooded him with terror for his missing friend. Gods, he hoped she was safe, somehow.

"Open your mind to mine," Xerides murmured. "Trust me to guide what you see."

Harry tried to obey, but he had trouble letting the mental walls he had just learned to understand drop. Xerides sheltered Harry's other hand within his own and spoke within his mind, his voice soft and reassuring.

_ [You are safe, Harry. Let yourself fall—I will catch you.] _

His encouragement eased Harry's fears and helped the link between their minds grow stronger. He felt a bit of a lurch as his magic eased his natural shields back, but Xerides was there to fill the gap. Harry slid forwards, unable to support himself with so much of his focus on his magic and their link, and Xerides scooped him into his arms, supporting Harry against his strong chest. 

Within the warmth and comfort of Xerides' embrace, the last of Harry's shields dropped. Xerides' magic flooded the gap, and Harry shivered at the intimacy of it. If he had thought legilimency training engendered a bond of closeness and trust, it was nothing to sharing the entirety of his mind with Xerides, to being so deeply linked that their thoughts worked as one.

_ [Do not fear, Harry. You are as safe and welcome within my mind as you are in my heart.] _

Harry's unease faded into a sense of trust and a deep communion of souls. Merlin, it was an incredible feeling. Every whisper of thought between them merged. Every emotion surged and abated between them. 

He felt Xerides' patient trust and his own curiosity as one. He knew the warmth of Xerides' breath in his hair and his arms around him, and also felt the soft shelter of wings wrapped around his back and the weight of his head tucked under his chin, the ticklish caress of his hair against his neck and jaw. After a moment, even the timing of Xerides' heartbeat and breathing soon synced with Harry's own.

No. Harry had never known what intimacy meant until now.

_ [There. We are fully linked. You should be able to see through my eyes now. Open them and look.] _

Had that thought come from Xerides or Harry? After a bit, Harry decided it didn't matter and opened their eyes. Lights and disjointed flashes entered his mind. Harry leaned into Xerides, let his magic guide him, and slowly, a full picture began to form. 

Piles of discarded junk, stacked haphazardly this way and that. All manner of things, from intricately-folded love notes to crumpled balls of parchment, discarded old porn mags to pristine new books, bottles of every drink from butterbeer to beard of the dragon, scarves of every colour, jewellery, jumpers, and even a rickety old cabinet and a bust of a warlock. And sitting on the warlock's head, atop a feathery blonde wig, was….

_ [The diadem!] _

His voice echoed in his head rather than his ears, but Harry dismissed it as part of the ritual and went with it.

_ [Yes. Do you recognise the area? Your magic is bright here.] _

_ [I… I'm sorry, I don't.] _

_ [No trouble. We shall try going further out and see if anything triggers a memory.] _

_ [Okay. How?] _

_ [Just let me guide you.] _

Harry let Xerides act as his legs and walked away from the diadem under his direction, past piles of junk until they came to a door. Xerides opened it and guided both their presences through, and shock rang through Harry. Xerides' body hair stood on end as a result of Harry's emotions, and Harry felt the prickling tingles of it on his own skin, too.

There, on the opposite wall was a painting of trolls attempting to perform ballet.

_ [The Room of Requirement!] _

_ [You know where we are now?] _

_ [Yes, Hogwarts!] _

_ [That is wonderful news! I am going to guide you back to your own consciousness now and ease the link apart. Hold on.] _

Harry clung to Xerides' magic through a slow progression of blinking lights, then darkness. The next time Xerides spoke, Harry heard him with his ears again, and his voice sounded normal.

"Wake up, Harry. You have done well."

Harry opened his eyes to see his entire household hovering over him, expressions tense with worry.

"Harry! Are you okay?" Hermione snatched him up and made his head spin. 

"Oof. Easy, 'Mione. Whatever magic that was left me a little woozy."

"_Woozy_? You just fainted dead away with no warning!"

Harry rubbed his aching head. "Didn't you hear Xeri say he was going to show me what he was seeing?"

She blushed. "Oh! I must have been too distracted."

Distracted, hmm? Harry shot Ron a wry look. "You couldn't wait twenty minutes?"

Ron coughed and gave him a sheepish grin. "Well, nothing was happening, so…."

"_Right_. Nothing important at all."

Ron shrugged. "When the mood strikes…."

"You're worse than a dog."

"Don't I know it!"

With a chuckle, Xerides handed Harry one of his own potions. Harry swallowed it and felt it begin to work immediately.

"Thanks, Xeri. How long was I out?"

"Perhaps ten minutes. The first time I used my scrying ability, it had a similar effect. The magic is exhausting." Xerides gave Harry an elven medicine, too. "That should help, I think."

Harry sipped the tea-like medicine, sweetened with a special kind of honey Xerides harvested on the full moons, and relaxed as it eased his pain. "Brilliant. That's much better, Xeri."

"Good."

Hermione nudged Harry's hand. "Well, go on then. The scrying—did it work?"

Harry grinned. "We found it. It was in the Room of Requirement this whole time!"

"Bloody hell," said Ron with a groan. "That means we can't do anything about it until we're ready to fight."

"At least we know where it is."

"True."

"So now there's nothing left to do but wait and search for answers about your blood, Harry," said Hermione with a sigh. 

"And train," Xerides pointed out. "And once Harry and I are sufficiently recovered, we should do that while the moon is high."

"Slave driver," Harry teased, but he stood and followed the night elf to the training room with no other complaint.


	30. Candles in the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sev and Lucius take over for a bit. The catalyst to change has begun.
> 
> Added watercolor/digital painting of Lucius and Olivia.

#  **Chapter 30**

##  _ Candles in the Night _

Not for the first time, Lucius thanked what few lucky stars he had that Severus had taught him the value and worth of their house elves. He took refuge under Lox's wards and, confident that no one would detect him under the aging elf's shields, he pressed his ear to the door and strained to catch every sound. The nasal whine of Pettigrew's stutter made Lucius' feathers bristle and his gut boil, but he kept his rage and his harpy form in check. 

_ 'Abomination, you shall meet your deserved end soon enough.' _

He forced his wrath down and his attention back to the situation at hand. 

"My lord," said Pettigrew, "t-the questioning of the m-mudblood and half-breed girl f-f-failed again."

The dark lord paused to hiss something to his vile pet, and Lucius took the opportunity to call his wife's house elf once more.

"Lox?" The whisper would not get past his shields, Lucius was certain of that.

The little house elf appeared and gave Lucius a cool look. Lucius had much to make up with their kind, but he had, at least, begun the process.

"Yes, Master?"

"Please make sure that foul snake of the dark lord's cannot sense me in any way, shape, or form."

Lox nodded. "Lox is already warding you from the snake, since the dark one talks to it."

Lucius sighed. "Thank you."

Lox gave him a suspicious look and vanished.

Perhaps one day, he would believe Lucius meant his reform. Until then, Lucius had other concerns. Nagini poked her head out of the door, poked the air with her tongue, and returned to her master. Lucius did not breathe until she had gone.

The dark lord gave a disgusted sigh, his displeasure clear. "Another failure. I begin to think Augustus is correct and the brat's friends truthfully have no idea where he is. How unfortunate."

"Y-yes, my lord, unf-fortunate."

"I wonder, Peter, if there is any use in keeping you around now that I have worthier servants to do my bidding. Nagini is hungry, after all, and her dinner must come from somewhere."

A hiss and a man's terrified squeak sounded.

_ 'Oh, I do hope she makes the demon suffer,' _Lucius thought and stifled a snarl.

"M-m-master, wait! _Please_! I h-have an idea!"

"Hmm." He hissed to the snake. "I do hope it is worth wasting my time for, Peter."

"Y-yes, my lord. It's only that the b-brats m-might still be able to h-help us find Potter, e-even if they don't know."

The dark lord paused. "Go on."

"Well, we-we just received w-word that some of Greyback's p-pack are wavering in their l-loyalty to the Dark, b-but if we o-offer the c-captives to them, we might k-kill two birds with one c-curse, so to speak."

Lucius barely suppressed a retch. Oh gods. They were _ children_, or close enough to it! What kind of monsters fed children to werewolves? _ Live _children, more likely than not.

He shuddered and pressed his hand over his mouth so his nausea would not give him away.

"And how is that?" The dark lord snapped, "What purpose do the brats serve if they are dead?"

Pettigrew squeaked. "B-bait! Use them as b-bait! The Potter boy will c-come running to s-save them!"

Pettigrew's panicked squeaking stopped. 

"Bait?" Footsteps crossed the floor. "Hmm. For once, a worthy idea from you. Very well. We shall use the Light's own tactics against them and announce the ultimatum on a wireless broadcast two nights from now."

Pettigrew wheezed, "Y-yes, my lord. You are so w-wise. The brat will n-not miss your message no matter w-what rock he is h-hiding under."

"Indeed. In the meantime, we shall make sure that the werewolves receive a well-tenderised meal upon the next full moon. We shall begin with the mudblood, yes? A poorer quality cut of meat will always require more… work to make it palatable. A fortnight's worth of it should make even mudblood meat taste well enough to the likes of Greyback."

_ Fuck_. Even if Harry did come, two weeks of unrelenting torture would be too much for either of his friends to survive. They would be mad long before the werewolves ever had their say.

"Y-yes, Master. R-right away, Master."

Footsteps scurried towards the door, and Lucius pressed himself against the wall. A pale, sweaty Pettigrew scrambled past, and Lucius physically restrained himself from transforming and tearing the abomination limb from limb. 

_ 'Soon.' _

It was enough to appease the harpy side, and, once Pettigrew had gone, Lucius dashed away to Severus' former rooms. The man had gone back to Hogwarts, but he still used these chambers when he had no choice but to stay at the manor, and so his powerful anti-spying wards remained. 

Once the doors shut behind him, Lucius struggled to call upon his happiest memory. Draco's birth had been a harrowing experience, one both Narcissa and his son had barely survived, but that first sound of Draco's newborn mewl had left Lucius sobbing in relief and joy. He tried to pull it close then, the memory of the love and wonder that had rushed through him the first moment the healer lay his pale, but still breathing son in his arms and told him Narcissa would survive, too, but the thought of his wife and son covered in blood brought other, far less pleasant memories to mind. 

Draco, at least at first, had broken quickly. _ "Papa, please!" _

He held on much longer these days.

Narcissa held herself as stoic as she could, but eventually, even she broke and begged for her husband. _ "Lucius… help me." _

He tried to spare them, every damn time he tried, but all it ever achieved was seeing them _ all _suffer. 

They had stopped screaming for each other now.

"No! _ Expecto Patronum_!" Lucius forced his mind back to his few happy moments, but even with his best efforts, he only managed to produce the faintest hint of a mist.

"Damn."

He resigned himself to asking Hippa for help. Really, he was grateful they had her, but he needed to learn the Patronus spell. He needed it to defend himself and his family, and he needed it to prove he was worth something. To prove he had changed, if only in a small way.

Death eaters couldn't use them, after all. Patronuses didn't come to dark hearts.

Lucius thought of his son, his wife, of everything he stood to lose if dementors attacked before he learned the spell, and his spine stiffened. 

No. He _ would _ do it this time. He _ would _make it work, damn it, for their sake.

Once again, he called the memory of Draco's birth to mind and held it close, the sound of his little cry after three days of despair and a horrifying delivery, the wash of wonder and relief and love powerful enough to save his wife's life, too.

_ "Welcome to the world, little Dragon." _

One day, he would save them. Together with Severus and Potter, they would defeat the darkness and set his family free. Even if it cost him his life, Lucius would be content with his fate, if only he could save them.

_ "His name… is Draco… Lucius… Malfoy." _

The memory of Narcissa's gift to him, of sharing his name with his son despite her loathing of that trend, filled Lucius with such powerful love, he was certain he could call a flock of patronuses, if only he had the magical reserves.

"_Expecto Patronum_!"

A cloud of silver burst from his wand and solidified before him. At first, he thought it would take the shape of one of his peacocks, but it shifted into something altogether different, and Lucius sank to his knees at the sight of it.

A dove. His patronus—_his_, of all people—had taken the form of a dove. Peace. Purity.

_ Innocence_. 

Every inch of his skin tingled. Oh _ gods_. He choked back tears and fought for composure. There could be no greater proof that his entire being had changed. A _ dove_.

Lucius wiped his face and forced himself to pull it together. He would lose control of the spell in a moment, and he hadn't time to waste. They were likely torturing Thomas that instant.

"I have a message…." He cleared his throat and swallowed several times. "For Severus Snape. Make sure he is completely unobserved when you approach, and do not let yourself be seen by anyone but Severus. Tell him the dark lord plans to use Thomas and Lovegood as bait to draw Potter out of hiding. In two days' time, he will announce his plan to… to feed them to Greyback and his pack upon the next full moon. And until then, he plans to torture them continuously. We must act now, before the pain breaks their minds or Potter truly does come blazing in to save them. Please, hurry." 

The dove perched on his arm, and Lucius blinked back a surge of emotion. She cooed and cocked her head. Perhaps she wanted a name?

"Oh. Let me think… ah. I have it. Olivia. Will that do?"

She cooed and nuzzled his cheek—a tingling, cool sort of touch that warmed him within. 

"Hurry, Olivia. We have little time."

The dove bobbed her head, shook out her wings, and flew away. Lucius stared after her for a long time, until Severus' doe cantered in.

_ "A dove, Lucius? You truly are a new man." _ The doe rubbed a fall of Lucius' tears away. _ "Prepare yourself then. It is too late to rescue them tonight, but tomorrow evening, as soon as the dark lord begins his rounds in London, we move. You know what to do. In the meantime, do your best to keep them sane and whole." _

Lucius nodded to the doe. "Tell him I will be ready."

The doe bowed and bounded away, and Lucius gathered his fragmented wits. There was much to do before Severus came.

* * *

Severus, polyjuiced and glamoured to look like a relative of Lucius', followed his compatriot into the bowels of Malfoy Manor. The metallic grit of blood, dank mildew, stale sweat, and the tang of unwashed, ill human hung heavy in the air. Severus cast a surreptitious air freshening charm so he wouldn't retch.

Lucius laughed bitterly. "Vile, isn't it?"

"Yes. Utterly."

Lucius wrapped his arms around his chest and shuddered. "I had closed this area and warded it with the strongest spells I could find after Abraxas' death, and now…."

It spoke worlds to Lucius' upbringing that the man referred to his own father by his forename. At least he had done for the past two years.

Severus rubbed Lucius' shoulder. "I am here." He whispered against the veela's ear, "Are there any captives other than our targets?"

Lucius shook his head slightly. 

Thank Merlin for small favours. Severus had planned to empty the dungeons so no one left behind would act as replacement bait, but fewer captives to free meant fewer liabilities. He allowed himself a small sigh and walked the rest of the way to the torture chambers in silence. The sound monitor spells on the cells demanded careful discretion regardless. Riddle and most of his minions had gone to pillage and destroy, but to assume that meant he had left the cells unobserved was suicide.

"Here," Lucius whispered. "Be quick about it."

The veela unlocked the captives' cell with his bloodline override and waved Severus inside.

Severus hurried in, Lucius quick on his heels. As the door shut behind him, the captives forced themselves up and gave them both wary looks. Severus pressed a finger to his lips and held up his potions kit.

"We are not a threat," he whispered.

Their tense postures eased slightly, and Severus took an instant to assess their state of health. The goblin looked as though he had a broken arm, Ollivander lay, pale and grey, in the corner, and Lovegood trembled and rocked into her knees, but Thomas, by far, was in the worst shape. Severus barely recognised him under all the blood and bruising.

"By Merlin," Severus whispered. "Apollo, you said you had healed them." He didn't dare use Lucius' true name or speak above a whisper and prayed the captives had the sense to follow suit.

Lucius gave him a grim look and whispered back, "I _ did_."

"Damn!" Severus knelt beside Thomas and opened his kit. "Thomas, look at me. Open your eyes, child."

"Who…?"

His voice rasped and wavered, but at least he had asked a coherent question.

"I am Darius, _ Apollo's _ cousin." Severus pointed to Lucius to make his meaning—and his warning—clear. "He has asked my aid here tonight, but we must be discreet and move quickly." Severus summoned several potions from his kit. "Will you trust me to help you?"

Thomas gave a hollow laugh. "Not much choice, is there?"

Severus wished he could rub the boy's shoulder or squeeze his hand, but it would only hurt him more. 

"Unfortunately not, but I will not add to your pain." He levitated a bone mender to the goblin, a strong anti-_Cruciatus _draught to Lovegood, and a powerful healing draught to Ollivander, then to Lovegood and the goblin. Once the others had their potions in hand, Severus gently lifted Thomas' head and helped him swallow the strongest healing draught he had in his possession. Thomas whimpered and whined in agony.

"I apologise. I know it hurts."

"_Do _you?"

Severus nodded sharply. "I have been at the end of his wand, too. Yes, I do."

Thomas choked back tears even as Severus fed him a powerful, non-narcotic pain reliever. "What… what's the point? If he's going to… to feed me to Greyback, I'd rather not be sane for it."

Severus brushed the boy's tears away and held his face. He did not dare explain aloud, but he nudged into Thomas's mind. He showed him plans to free them and pleaded with him to be quiet and compliant.

Thomas gasped, eyes wide. "You… really?"

Severus nodded. "Be still, Thomas. You are still in poor condition."

Thomas clutched his hand. "Thank you," he whispered. Severus nodded and set about getting Ollivander fit to travel, too.

In five minutes, he had done all he dared. None of the captives were in good shape, but, bar Thomas, they could all walk, and Severus could bear Thomas' weight.

"It is enough. There is no time for more."

Lucius nodded. "Everyone…." He left his phrase unfinished but took Lovegood's hand and motioned for the others to do the same. Ollivander took Lovegood's other hand, and the goblin clasped his fingers around Ollivander's with a sneer of distaste. They all looked at Thomas with a frown.

"Darius will take care of it," Lucius whispered. "Be still."

A wave of his wand disillusioned them all. Severus added custom stealth spells of his own. They weren't perfect—they would fail with certain wizards, particularly wizards with a non-human ancestry—but few could see past them, and none of the death eaters could. Well, none of the true death eaters at any rate. Severus knew that much from experience. 

He made a mental note to avoid Draco and bent to pick up Thomas, but a sharp challenge from the goblin stayed his hand.

"What? Why have you done this, wizards?" His tone made it clear there would be consequences if they didn't explain, and fast. Even injured, goblins were nothing to trifle with in a fight. Severus struggled to think of a way to tell him that would not put them in danger—the goblin would see legilimency as an attack—but Lovegood came to his rescue first. 

"To help us, of course."

The goblin hesitated. "But…."

"You know why you can trust me, Griphook. You know I would know if it wasn't safe."

Would she? Hmm. Severus wondered if the girl shared his gift for intuition. It might explain her odd personality, if she saw and sensed things few others could.

Lovegood looked directly at him, stealth spells or no. Merlin. Did she have non-human blood?

"Kin often share similar gifts, sir."

Bloody hell, the girl was a seer. And wait, _ kin_? As far as he knew, neither the Malfoys nor the Princes had any relation to the Lovegoods. He stared, bemused, then decided this wasn't the time to worry about it. Maybe Lovegood knew things he didn't. Clearly, she had stronger intuition than even Severus himself did, so perhaps she saw family ties he was unaware of.

_ 'She must be something more than human to have such powerful sight.' _

Merlin. How had someone who saw so clearly ended up _ here_? Then again, his intuition hadn't protected him much at her age, had it? 

He gave her a short nod, and, after a sip of his potion in case this went beyond the hour mark, he knelt beside Thomas. A finger against his lips warned the others to keep silent. 

Gently, he eased Thomas into his arms, and the boy gave a stifled whine of pain.

"Forgive me," Severus whispered. "Are you able to stay silent?"

Thomas nodded and grimaced. "If my life and their lives depend on it? Yes."

"Good." 

Severus cast a _ Muffliato Quietus _ on him just in case. It still muffled sound, but the alterations he had made to the spell base as an adult reduced the buzzing noise to the sound of a gentle breeze. Few would detect it now.

"We have done all we can, Apollo. We must leave before we are found."

Lucius whispered, "Come. Hurry." 

Severus used his mental magic skills to help keep Lucius and the others in sight and followed the group out of the dungeons, trying his best not to jar Thomas. The boy buried his face in Severus' shoulder to stifle the sounds of pain he couldn't help, and Severus wished he could comfort him. He sent what wandless healing he could spare into the boy and hoped it helped, at least a little.

The sound of voices ahead stopped the group in their tracks. Lucius guided everyone to press against the wall. 

"I'm _ coming_, Uncle. Merlin!"

Draco. Severus' heart crashed into his ribs. He hardly dared breathe as the door to the dungeons opened and Rodolphus Lestrange stepped inside. His hollow, cold eyes scanned the hall and stared ahead. That one, at least, hadn't seen them. 

"Hurry it up, brat. I know I heard voices."

Draco stepped inside, face pinched in a scowl and eyes blank to conceal his terror. Severus felt it anyway.

"I _ said _ I'm coming. Give me five seconds to…." His eyes landed directly on Lucius and went wide. Severus' breath stilled. Oh gods.

"_To_…?" Lestrange huffed. "One might think you were stalling, Draco."

"To catch up, you ruddy bastard." Draco looked away as if he hadn't seen them and limped after his uncle, the motion exaggerated a bit. "For fuck's sake, you know our lord tortured me two days ago. I'm still injured, you fucking arsehole."

A bluff. Severus and Hippa had healed him the same night. Merlin, Draco was covering for them. Relief nearly sent Severus to his knees, but he occluded it away before anyone sensed it.

A curse shot over Lestrange's shoulder. Draco ducked, barely.

"Not so injured you can't move."

"It's my _ leg _ that's hurt, bastard."

Lestrange scowled. "Hurry it up, or I'll hurt the other one."

A powerful wave of rage emanated from the veela. 

_ [Lucius. Calm yourself before we are all killed.] _

Lucius' rage quieted, though Severus still sensed him seething. He ignored it. His training had taught him to sense emotions in others much faster than most. Lucius had occluded well enough to keep Lestrange out, at least.

"Fine, you utter prick. I'm _ coming_." Draco limped to the corner a few yards away, trailing behind his uncle, and made a shooing gesture behind his back just before moving out of sight.

_ [Run.] _ The boy wasn't a telepath, but Severus heard his terrified urging anyway. 

Lucius shuddered, clutched Lovegood's hand, and dashed as fast as their injured captives could follow to the exit. Severus doubled the strength of his muffling spell and followed, praying Draco could delay his uncle long enough for Severus and the others to make it to the wardline.

Lucius led them through a tunnel Severus had never seen, one lined with dust, cobwebs, and torches that lit automatically as they passed, and Severus jogged behind. Poor Thomas couldn't help whimpering, but he did his best to silence it, and Severus helped as much as he could.

A set of rickety stairs and a rusted trap door opened onto the Malfoy grounds, near a hidden gate at the back of the property. Lucius held it open for them.

"We are all out," Severus whispered as he cleared the stairs and stepped into the cool, spring night.

Lucius shut the door and warded it. "Hurry." He dragged them on towards the gate. "If we don't make it past the wardline before they seal the manor…."

"Yes." Severus shuddered and ran as fast as he could.

Just as Severus, the last in their group, stepped through the gate, a siren went off at the manor.

"Lucius! Now!"

The veela clamped his free hand onto Severus' arm, and Severus apparated the entire group away.

"Fuck," Thomas choked out, tears strangling him.

"Ssh. You are safe now." Severus lay him upon the grassy ground, amidst a patch of heather and vervain, and set to work healing the damage their escape had done. He levitated more healing and pain relief potions to the others and watched Thomas' skin creep back towards its normal umber shade.

"Merlin, that was too close." Lucius knelt beside him. "I… do you suppose Draco will be well?"

"He cannot be accused. He was nowhere near the cells."

"What shall we say?"

"That Potter must have done it. The dark lord will double his efforts to find the boy and forget about us, and no one shall find Potter until he is ready to be found. Trust me on that."

"I hope you are right." Lucius took a healing potion from the kit and fed it to Ollivander. "Where are we?"

"In a park in Cokeworth, near my childhood home. As no one ever comes here at night, it was the safest place I could think of on the spot."

"_Cokeworth_?" Lucius stared, eyes wide. "You brought all six of us so far in _ one _ side-along apparition? With no portkey or assistance and while carrying an injured captive? _ Without _splinching us into pieces?"

Severus gave a wry laugh. "Adrenaline is a wonderful aid to powerful magic, Lucius. Besides, I have always been more powerful at night. It served us well this time."

Lovegood smiled at him. "Like I am more powerful in the daylight."

Severus gave her a searching look, curious, but they had no time for idle questions. "Perhaps." He turned back to Lucius. "You must contact Bill Weasley. He is the closest trustworthy person, but I cannot call him. He will recognise my patronus in an instant."

Lucius grimaced. "Ah. Merlin, I am not able to call it consistently yet, but I shall try."

"Your happiest memory. Focus on it, and do not let your sorrow taint it. There is hope, Lucius, that they, at least, will see those moments again one day. This is what we are fighting for."

Lucius steeled himself and nodded. "Yes. You are right. I will do this so, one day, Draco may know the joy of seeing his child enter the world safely, too."

Severus squeezed Lucius' shoulder. "Yes. Think of that, and pour it into the spell."

"Right." Lucius took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and lifted his wand. "_Expecto Patronum_!"

A silver dove emerged from his wand.

Lucius' patronus form amazed Severus. A _ dove_, of all things. Innocence, purity, and peace, for the Malfoy lord?

Then again, this Lucius had been reborn, in a sense. Perhaps it did fit him after all.

Lucius breathed a sigh and let his posture slump slightly. "Thank Merlin. Olivia, please tell Bill Weasley that I come as an ally with several captives of the dark. We are in the park in Cokeworth, and they need his help and shelter. Guide him to the captives, but _ not _to Darius or myself." He waved to Severus to make his meaning clear. "Go. Hurry."

The dove flew away.

Lucius murmured, "Do you suppose he will come?"

Severus' voice came out in a grim tone. "I do, but not alone. We must make ourselves scarce."

Lucius hesitated.

_ [We will not leave them unprotected.] _

Lucius nodded and let Severus apparate him away. They landed in the shadows perhaps twenty yards from the stunned, worried captives. 

"Now, we wait."

Thomas gasped out, "Oh, gods! Did they really leave us here with no protection and no wands?"

Lovegood knelt next to Thomas and rubbed his shoulder. "No. They are watching over us. They simply cannot risk being seen."

"Seen?"

Griphook huffed. "Clearly, those two wizards are spies. If they are found here by either side, they will die. Slowly."

"Are you… Malfoy, a spy? _ Really_?"

"Yes, and we must help them keep their identities secret," said Ollivander. "They risked their lives to save us. We must protect theirs in turn."

Thomas shuddered. "Save us. Merlin, before I was captured, I would have thought Malfoy would be the one torturing me for You-Know-Who. I don't get it. He's such an arse, or he was, but now…? I mean, I'm amazed he can even call a patronus, but spying? Risking his life to save ours? It boggles the mind."

Luna smiled weakly. "Don't you see, Dean? Light always shines brightest in the dark."

Lucius grabbed Severus' wrist and took a shaky breath. Severus understood. He blinked hard and carried her words to heart.

Shine brightest in the dark. Well, he would sure as hell try.

* * *

[Birth of Olivia - watercolor and digital media.](https://www.flickr.com/photos/141843489@N07/49491972782/in/photostream)


	31. Before the Dawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I used two kinds of accents in Elvish. 
> 
> Grave accents (à, è, ì, ò, ù) denote a short vowel sound instead of a long one (ex: _Brèda_ = BREH-dah, not BREE-dah. _Velìth_ = vel-ITH (like in wind), not vel-EETH or vel-ĪTH (like in ice)). 
> 
> Acute accents (á, é, í, ó, ú, ý) simply indicate a stressed syllable. (ex: _Gová_: go-VAH, _Naída_: Nai-EE-dah.)
> 
> It's an attempt to make Elvish easier to hear in your heads, but if it doesn't help, feel free to toss the accents out the window and pronounce it however your brain wants to. It's not as if this tiny snippet of a language has any practical use anywhere outside of this story anyway. I might just be a *tad* too obsessed with worldbuilding lol.
> 
> Also, the next few updates might be slower than usual depending on my health. I have a spinal procedure Wednesday, but unless they fix my prescription, I'm also looking at 3+ weeks of hellish pain levels, no meds, and opiate withdrawal. It's their screw up, so they *should* fix it, but my experience with pain drs is that the patients don't matter. Ugh. Let's hope this new dr actually gives a shit. 😓
> 
> Anyway, enjoy.
> 
> * * *

#  **Chapter 31**

##  _ Before the Dawn _

Lucius stood in his usual place in the dark lord's circle and hoped he had occluded well enough to hide the wave of panic strangling him. Beside him, Severus looked as cold and disaffected as ever, but Severus had lied to the demented old bastard for years. Lucius had neither his experience nor his strength at mind magic. And Draco… gods help them if Riddle read Lucius' impulsive, hot-tempered son. His boy didn't have the maturity or temperament for mind magic, and it showed.

Merlin, he hoped what strength they did have between them would be enough to pull through this night without causing the deaths of everyone he loved.

The dark lord paced by, red eyes piercing the night like embers in the darkness. The sweep of the dark lord's robe on the tile floors put Lucius in mind of Abraxas' wheezing final breaths. He prayed his own would last through the night and let none of his terror show on his face. 

_ 'Merlin help us now.' _

The dark lord's frigid tenor clawed at Lucius' ears. "A mudblood, a subhuman, an old man, and a half-breed brat. How difficult is it to babysit four unworthy captives…." Riddle turned his wand on them and snarled, eyes red as the blood on his hands. "For _ two godsdamned weeks_?"

No one breathed. 

"A fortnight! That is all I asked of you. To support me as I lead magical Britain into a new era, and to watch over four injured, weakling captives for a _ fortnight_, and did you manage it? No. Once again, my plans are foiled due to your incompetence." His eyes glowed brighter, and the volume of his voice dropped to a lethal hiss. "Or your _ treachery_."

A chill of dread crawled under Lucius' skin, but he managed to repress a shiver. Fuck, this would not be pretty.

A skeletal hand whipped around and aimed at Severus. "Last to arrive, hm? A spy in enemy territory, too. Can you ever truly be trusted?"

Severus showed no hint of fear. "My lord, my loyalty is to you and you alone."

"Hm. We shall see. _Legilimens_!"

Severus reeled back under the force of his assault, but remained on his feet. Lucius didn't dare hold him up in a room full of liabilities and monsters, but he clutched the man's sleeve out of sight of the others. It was the only support he could offer him.

Riddle pulled back with a hiss. "A clever story, my dear Severus, but can anyone verify your whereabouts?"

Severus simply inclined his head, giving no sign of the splitting migraine Lucius knew must be ravaging his brain. "The Hogwarts house elves and Amycus, my lord."

_ 'Amycus? Ah. Severus must have planted false memories. Always two steps ahead.' _

The dark lord turned his wand on Amycus. "Well?"

"Er… we was disciplinin' the unruly brats, my lord. Snape sent me on when the call came and took care of the little brats himself."

"We shall see. _ Legilimens_!"

Lucius gripped Severus' sleeve out of sight of the others, hoping to Merlin his cover held up. 

Riddle drew back with a scowl. "Very well. It seems you are innocent… this time." 

Lucius' surge of relief was short-lived.

The dark lord turned back to the circle, eyes scanning the group. "Who sounded the alarm?"

Lucius stiffened and suppressed a gasp. _ 'Draco….' _

"I did, my lord." Rodolphus pushed out his chest in pride. "Draco and I were listening to the charms. I swore I heard people whispering, then that subhuman git shouted something, so we rushed to the dungeons straight away. They were already gone before we got there." 

"_Crucio_! You should have been faster then!"

Lucius watched his brother-in-law writhe about with a sense of bitter vindication. _ 'Next time you attempt to curse my son, I will kill you myself.' _

Severus tugged Lucius' sleeve discreetly, and Lucius pulled his anger back and restored his shields. Merlin, he couldn't afford to let his guard down now.

Riddle let Rodolphus up and broke into his mind without warning. Rodolphus dropped again, felled by the force of the dark lord's legilimency, and Lucius prayed the bastard hadn't seen Draco gaping at the captives in the hall.

Riddle shoved him back with another _ Crucio_. "So you are innocent of treachery, at least, if you are still incompetent." He kicked Rodolphus away, but Lucius' relief and satisfaction vanished as he found himself staring down the business end of the dark lord's wand. 

Lucius poured all his fear and anger into the strength of his shields and pulled forth a set of innocuous memories. If he pretended to have been at the Ministry when the alarm sounded, it might be enough of a cover to explain his delay in arrival… maybe.

"And you, Lucius? Where were you when the captives escaped?"

Lucius focused on the images he wanted Riddle to see and opened his mouth to speak….

But his wife beat him to it.

"We were together when the alarm sounded, my lord."

Lucius suppressed a gasp at Narcissa's words. Oh, gods.

Riddle turned his wand on her, and Lucius' heart dropped. 

_ 'Cissa, what are you playing at?' _

"Together?" The dark lord's voice held a scourge of distrust. 

The woman held her head high. "We _ are _married, sire. We had to dress and tidy ourselves at the sound of the siren, so that is why we arrived late." Her eyes met her husband's briefly, and Lucius understood.

She knew. She knew Lucius had freed the captives, and she had offered the dark lord the only titbit juicy enough to potentially distract his attention from the truth.

_ 'Oh, Cissa.' _

Severus' fingers wrapped around Lucius' wrist. _ [Steady.] _

Lucius reined in his wild emotions as best as he could and clung to Severus' arm out of sight of the others.

"I see." The leer on the dark lord's face turned Lucius' stomach. "Or I _ shall _ see momentarily. _ Legilimens_!"

A surge of rage sparked in Lucius' gut. How _ dare _ he? He had no right to view their naked bodies! The veela in him itched to scratch the arsehole's eyes out, but as they would all die if he gave in to the urge, he held back.

At least until he sensed a foreign wave of magic on Narcissa beyond the dark lord's legilimency. 

A quiet growl of threat escaped him. It was only luck that Riddle was too distracted to notice.

_ [Peace. I am shielding her mind so he is only able to see what she wants him to.] _

Lucius shot Severus a shocked look and whispered, "How?"

_ [I am not sure. I have a talent for instinctive magic, and it is guiding me. I am not positive I am able to do this twice after expending so much magic earlier in the evening, however; so do try to keep your harpy in check.] _

Lucius gave him a discreet nod and forced himself not to intervene. 

Riddle came out of Narcissa's memories with a sneer. "Abraxas must have been blind."

Lucius went rigid and clutched Severus' sleeve. 

"He seemed to think your husband a man of uncommon beauty. One I might find… tolerable."

Severus' breath caught. _ [Gods.] _ His hand curled around Lucius' arm and held him in place. _ [Do not rise to the bait.] _

Lucius swallowed tears of humiliation and rage and held himself stoic. He no longer cared what the monster thought of him, of course, but he might have gone without ever hearing of _ that _nightmare again.

"I see nothing uncommon nor beautiful here," said Riddle with a scowl.

Lucius suppressed a snort. _ 'Thank Merlin for small favours, then.' _

"Wouldn't you agree, Narcissa?"

Narcissa held herself stoic and met the dark lord's gaze head on. "I do not."

Lucius gasped. "Cissa, _ no_."

Riddle's eyes glowed brighter. "What did you say?"

Narcissa didn't flinch. "My lord is entitled to his opinion, of course, but I, as Lucius' wife and the mother of his child, do not share it."

Lucius' chest panged. "Cissa…."

"_Crucio_!"

Lucius bit back a cry as his wife dropped for his defence of him. "No, no, please."

Severus dragged him back. "Quiet. It will only be worse for all of you."

Lucius bit into his knuckles until he tasted blood and dug his fingers into Severus' wrist. The man bore it without a flinch and kept up a steady stream of mental encouragement.

_ [Steady. Hold on to me. It will end soon.] _

Lucius barely heard him over the sound of his wife's screams.

"_Crucio_!" 

Severus dropped to his knees this time, and Lucius reeled at a wave of anguish for his fellow spy's suffering, one as strong as he had endured for his wife. They were brothers-in-arms, comrades, and as of late, friends. Severus' pain hurt Lucius down to his soul, and he wept at the knowledge that he could do nothing to stop it. 

_ 'I am so sorry.' _

"Please…."

Severus screamed, and Lucius had no idea if the pain had torn the sound unwilling from his throat, or if Severus had let his iron control drop on purpose to cover the sound of Lucius' grief.

_ 'Forgive me.' _

He struggled to bring himself under control, but on his next breath, that familiar dark wand turned on him. It was only to be expected. By the rage in Riddle's face, they would all suffer before the night ended. Lucius barely had time to brace himself before the first wave of bone-melting, soul-tearing agony struck.

"_Crucio_!"

* * *

Xerides aimed an ice spell at Harry, watching the sunguard's technique with a careful eye. Fates, but he had come a long way over the past ten months. The two humans had long since reached their limit, and even Harry had a cut across one cheek and a black eye from an earlier bout of hand-to-hand, but the boy still had fight left in him regardless. 

"Come on, Xeri!"

Xerides grinned and decided to train the boy in earnest. He readied a volley of powerful spells, his fists, and his feet, and launched a fierce attack. Harry wouldn't be able to dodge it all, but it would teach him, and Xerides hadn't used anything that would truly hurt. 

Harry ducked under a darkness arrow, leapt over an ice wave, and flew over a cutting wind. Xerides' fist caught him in the ribs as he landed, but Harry moved with the force of his blow to mitigate the damage and parried with a roundhouse kick and a blast of fire. Xerides dodged and shielded himself and went to return fire with a blast of ice, but, at that instant, Harry gave a sharp cry and dropped to his knees.

"Fates!" Xerides dashed to him and grabbed his shoulders, pouring night healing into him. "Harry? Oh, I am so sorry. What hurts? Where have I injured you?"

Harry wheezed, "Not… me." He rubbed his chest and panted. "D-Dobby!"

The Síoda appeared, took one look at Harry, and gasped. "Dobby is being checking on Master's mate and Kreacher right away!"

"T-take elixirs to… Kreacher… or Hippa... just in case. And…." He cut his wrist with a shaky minor severing curse and let the blood drain into a phial. A few added tears would keep it from coagulating and help Severus heal. "You know what to do with that."

"Yes, Master." Dobby corked the phial, healed Harry's cut, and popped away. 

Xerides brushed Harry's fringe back and cupped a hand powered with healing magic around his black eye. "Severus is injured?"

"Y-yeah. Badly, if I feel it, too."

Xerides scooped Harry into his arms, carrying him bridal-style. Harry gave a little squawk of surprise and indignation.

"Oi! I can… walk. Maybe."

Xerides huffed. "You are clearly weakened. I shall carry you to bed."

"Need a ruddy… shower first."

"You have charms, do you not? You will have to make do with that tonight."

Hermione aimed a cleaning and laundering charm at Harry. "There you are."

Harry squawked again and covered his face. "Dear Merlin. D-Did you _ really _need to do that while Xeri is carrying me?"

"Oh, stop whinging." Hermione gave him a worried look. "We have bigger problems."

Harry rubbed his chest and grimaced. "Right. Xeri?"

The elf nodded and carried Harry up two flights of stairs to his bedroom. He set Harry upon the bed and brushed his fringe back. 

"Lie there. I will care for your injuries and try to ease your pain."

Harry nodded and gave Xerides a wry, pained smile. "How are you not even winded? It's just not fair."

Xerides chuckled, though his mirth faded fast. "I am twice your size. Your weight is no trouble." He made his medical kit appear and began mixing a medicine for Harry. "I will help as much as I am able."

"Nothing will fix it until Severus is out of danger." Harry shuddered. "Gods. I hope he'll be okay."

"So do we all. And not just for your sake anymore." Ron helped Harry take a Sunshine Elixir and sat beside him. "How… how bad is it, mate? Like last time, or…?"

Harry winced. "More like the first time. It's bad, Ron." He whimpered and covered his face. "Gods help me, I'm so terrified. Severus, hold on. Please, hold on."

Xerides added windberry honey to sweeten the medical mixture and boost its healing properties and helped Harry drink it. Artemis help him, but he was terrified, too. He had never met Severus, of course, but through Harry's mental training and Kreacher's reports, he felt like a friend to Xerides anyway.

_ 'Fates, Severus. I hope you will be well.' _

Ron tucked his knees to his chest. "Merlin. You know, Harry, I used to worry when this happened because I was terrified of losing you. Now I'm terrified of losing you both. I never thought I'd say it, but the bat deserves better than this. And… and I don't want him to be hurt."

Hermione nodded and sat beside her boyfriend. "He's done so much for us, and all while convincing everybody around us that he's evil. I… I'm scared for him, too."

Harry whimpered into his hands. "He doesn't know, 'Mione. Xerides taught us he's a triple agent and a hero. We all care about him now, and I…." His voice broke. "He's my mate. And he's all alone and suffering, and he still thinks I hate him!"

Hermione winced. "It isn't safe to…."

"I know, but I just… he needs to _ know_, 'Mione. All he's got is his secret spy and his strange friendship with Malfoy."

"There is a good possibility they are the same person," Xerides pointed out.

"Malfoy? A spy?" Ron wrinkled his nose. "Not bloody likely."

"We all thought that about Severus, too." Hermione rubbed Harry's hand. "What do you want to do, then? We can't just write him like we did Dumbledore. We know Pettigrew is spying on him, and Riddle might have all sorts of charms on Severus' office. Maybe even his quarters."

Harry grimaced and rubbed his chest. "He made his quarters at Malfoy Manor safe, didn't he?"

"Well, yes, but that was a warded home, not Hogwarts. The wards at the school won't allow for the same level of secrecy."

"I _ have _to do something, Hermione. Even a little thing, just so he knows he's not alone."

She bit her lip. "I… I just don't see how, Harry."

"Winky is making it safe," said the Síoda. "If you is telling Winky to make your letter so no one can see, I is doing it."

"And we already know Hippa is keeping the rat away from Severus," Ron added. "So is Kreacher, for that matter."

Harry looked between them and nodded. "Then as soon as he's better, I'm writing him."

Hermione winced. "Just… just be careful, okay? Even with all our precautions, there's still a risk. Don't give out your name or mention details anyone but Severus would know, and don't let him do it either."

Harry slumped in relief, then gave a little cry of pain. "Oh gods. He's being hurt again."

Xerides settled on the bed, eased Harry into his arms with his back to the elf's chest, and tucked healing-charged hands under Harry's wings and over his friend's heart. "I will help you cope until he is safe again."

Harry grimaced. "Er… thanks, Xeri, but it won't help, like I said."

"I will not stop trying."

Harry nodded and clutched at his wrists. "Long as you… don't drain yourself. I… it might help me be less scared anyway."

Hermione gave them a curious look. "I'll make sure he doesn't hurt himself, Harry." Her eyes flicked between Harry and Xerides, and an expression of deep concern crossed her features. "We… we're here for you both, okay?" Her gaze, as it fell upon Xerides, held deep sympathy and compassion.

_ 'What?' _

Harry gave her a wan smile. "Yeah. Thanks."

Xerides wondered what had troubled her about _ him _ when Harry and Severus were in danger, but then Harry gave a whimper of fear and anguish, and Xerides decided it didn't matter. Harry needed all his attention at the moment.

"I am here, Harry. I will help you."

Harry gave a sniffling sigh. "Thanks, Xeri. It helps keep me from falling to pieces, even if… ugh… it can't help the pain."

Xerides nodded and did what he could to ease Harry's agony and fear. Fates, but he wished he could help Severus, too.

_ 'We are safe here, but Severus is suffering. Gods, how I wish we could open our home to him and keep him safe here, but then Harry might die. By Diana, what a mess.' _

Heart bleeding for the spy he could do so little to protect, Xerides held Harry tight and fought to heal the ones he could.

* * *

Harry spent an hour of anguish and terror in Xerides' arms, struggling not to give in to the panic he couldn't hold at bay. Then, Dobby returned, and all else vanished in a wave of dread and desperation.

"Dobby! Oh gods! How is he?"

"He is badly injured and bleeding, but he is healing now, Master Harry. Dobby has left him in Hippa and Kreacher's care so I's can tell you he is safe."

Harry let out a shaky sigh. "Oh, thank Merlin."

He buried a few helpless tears in Xerides' chest, and the elf held him tight and whispered soothing things into his hair. Big, strong hands rubbed Harry's back under his wings and cradled his head close, and a smaller hand squeezed his shoulder. Hermione.

"It's all right now, Harry. He's going to be okay." She sniffled, too. "Thank God."

"Yeah," Ron agreed, voice unsteady. "Dobby, what happened? How did Snape get so hurt?"

Dobby grimaced. "The dark one is torturing the entire inner circle and Dobby's former masters." His ears drooped. "Dobby was thinking it would be good to see his former master receive some of the pain he is causing me, but Dobby was wrong. It was not good to see. Not at all."

Xerides shuddered and reached out to squeeze the Síoda's shoulder. "Vengeance hurts us, too, yes?"

"Y-yes, Master Xerides." Dobby hugged his chest. "Dobby is never seeing Lucius act like that."

Harry glanced to Xerides and frowned. Hmm.

_ "It is possible that they are the same person." _

Could Malfoy be the spy after all?

"Like what, Dobby?"

"He… he is pleading for the dark one to torture him instead of his son and wife, like we is seeing before, but this time he is also being upset over Master Severus' pain. Dobby is never seeing him sacrifice for anyone but his wife and son before."

"Merlin," Ron breathed. "He… he offered himself in exchange for Severus?"

Dobby shook his head. "No, Master, he is only crying for him and pleading for him to be spared, as he is for his family, but it is being strange to see him care at all."

Harry winced. "Merlin." He sat up, though it hurt, and wiped his face. "A-and the Malfoys? What state are they in, or could you tell?"

Dobby shuddered. "Dobby is thinking the Lady Malfoy and Draco will pull through with Lox and Rena's help, but the dark one is torturing Lucius three times as hard for his defiance. Dobby is not sure he is surviving without help."

Harry looked at Dobby, remembered the scars on his back and ears, and shook his head. Best not to send him on _this_ mission.

"Winky, will you take care of the Malfoys tonight? Lucius in particular? Don't stay if anyone tries to hurt or threaten you, okay? Just heal them as best as you can without endangering your life or theirs."

Winky bowed. "Should Winky be taking potions or blood?"

Harry hesitated. "Yes, but only for Lucius and only if he is unconscious and unobserved. I think the other two will be well enough with their own treatment. Just make sure they pull through, okay? Unless it's dangerous for you, of course."

Winky nodded. "Winky is doing her best."

Dobby took her hands. "Please, be careful. It is being dangerous there."

"Right," Ron added. "Don't let anyone see or hear you, Winky."

"Winky is doing as Masters and Dobby say." She gave Dobby a kiss to reassure him and vanished.

"I hope you know what you're doing, mate," said Ron with a wry grimace. "Malfoy? Really?"

"I think Xeri might be right about him, Ron. I think he might be the spy, but either way, he tried to save Severus. I have to… it's only fair."

Ron sighed. "I suppose you have a point, but I still think it's barmy."

"No more so than anything else we've done so far." Hermione frowned and turned back to Dobby. "Why is Riddle so angry?"

"Because his bait is escaping," said Dobby.

"_Bait_?" Harry flinched. "Me. He wanted to use something—or, more likely, _ someone_—to get to me."

"He is not able to do it," said Dobby. "They is escaping."

Harry wrapped his arms around his waist and shuddered. "Thank the gods, but _ how_? How in the bloody hell did they escape Riddle?"

"_You're _asking?" Ron snorted. "Come off it, mate. You've practically made a career of escaping the bastard's clutches every bloody end of term."

Harry shuddered. "Never without a cost."

Ron's mirth faded. "Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Sorry, mate."

Harry waved him off. "Do you have any idea how the 'bait' escaped, Dobby?"

The Síoda hesitated. "I… Dobby is not sure. I is thinking Kreacher knows, but he is too busy trying to save Master Severus. I is not wanting to distract him."

"That's okay. Thank you. We'll just ask Kreacher when he gets back. Thank Merlin they escaped." Harry took Hermione's hand. "Do you… do you think it might be Dean and Luna?"

"Most likely so," she said, eyes brimming. "If they _ were _prisoners, Riddle knows you would fight through hell to save them."

Ron breathed in harshly. "_Fuck_, I hope you're right, 'Mione."

"Y-yes." Harry wiped his eyes. "And I'm starting to feel a bit better, so they must be making progress with Severus."

"Well then…." Ron held up a hand, and a deck of cards zoomed into his palm. "Snap to keep us all from losing our minds worrying about him?"

Harry stared at the cards. "I _ can't_. Not this time." Tears blurred his vision. "We're safe here. We're all safe and warm and no one is being tortured or traumatized, but Severus… he's _ suffering_. I can't play a bloody card game while my mate is hovering on the edge of death and there's nothing—_nothing_—I can do about it!" 

Tears tracked down his face. "I can't stop thinking about it. I can't protect him, and _ fuck_, I need him home. At least, I need to know he's safe."

Ron banished the cards and hugged Harry. "I'm sorry, mate. Should've thought of that myself."

Harry sniffled and wiped his face. "M-maybe, maybe will you all just sit with me and talk to me? At least until I know he'll be okay?"

"Yeah, sure." 

Xerides pulled Harry back to lean against his chest again. "I have you. I will keep healing you while we speak. It _ will _be all right, Harry. He is, at least, on the mend."

Harry's smile held worlds of grief. "For now."

Xerides flinched. "Yes. Forgive me."

Harry sighed and leaned into his embrace. He felt safer there, but that only hurt him for Severus more.

_ "I'm sorry, love. I'm so sorry I can't spare you this hell." _

But no apology would ever be enough, and Harry knew it.

* * *

Xerides wasn't sure when Harry had fallen asleep against his chest, but he was glad of it. The sunguard's desolation and guilt had cut them all to the quick, and Harry desperately needed rest anyway. 

Xerides thought of moving away, but he was loath to wake Harry when the boy's pain, both physical and emotional, would make sleep difficult. No, best to watch over him for the night instead. He wasn't tired, of course, but Harry needed him, and Xerides wanted to be there.

"That's sweet." 

Xerides looked up at Hermione's soft murmur. "Hmm?"

"You're watching over him, aren't you?" 

"Ah… yes?"

She kissed his cheek, and Xerides' face burned. 

"Blushing? You must be the most adorable warrior night elf ever," she said with a quiet chuckle. 

Ron raised an eyebrow. "Should I be concerned?"

"Of course not, you ninny." She gave Harry a sad look. "I'm sure Xeri isn't interested in _ me_."

Ron glanced between them. "Er…?"

"Nothing. Come on, Ron. Let's go before we wake Harry up. He's had a terrible night." She looked back to a bemused Xerides. "You'll call us if you need to move or if he takes a turn?"

Xerides bowed. "Of course."

"Thanks, Xeri. Goodnight."

"_Gová naída,_" he replied.

"Elvish is so lovely. Will you teach us more?"

"Could be useful, too," said Ron. "Especially in battle. If no one but our allies know what we're saying…."

"And none of the death eaters will have gone to the trouble of learning a _ 'subhuman' _ language." Hermione's scowl and air quotes made her opinions of their bigotry clear. "I think you're right. Especially since it takes time to learn telepathy, time we don't have, and we can't afford to risk attempting to make eye contact in the middle of battle anyway. A basic grasp of commands and replies in Elvish might save all of our lives."

Xerides nodded. "I will teach you, but do let Harry rest now."

"_Gová naída_, then," Hermione said, pronouncing it carefully. Ron's attempt was less accurate, but close enough for a first try.

"_Góva velíth_—well done."

They smiled and left him to watch over Harry.


	32. Without a Doubt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They fixed my pain meds and gave me an epidural, which seems to be helping my legs a bit, so here's a new chappie slightly early in celebration! ❤
> 
> Edit: Here's a new chappie... _after_ I save my art supply box from the paint water my toddler just dumped in it. Good thing I use watercolors! 😂 Boy moms ftw!
> 
> Edit 2: procedure gave me a CSF leak, because it just couldn't be that easy without kicking me in the head. Literally. _OW._

#  **Chapter 32**

##  _ Without a Doubt _

Lucius woke to the sight of an unfamiliar house elf tending his wounds. His wife stood beside the bed, one hand pressed to her mouth and her fair complexion blanched to white.

"C-Cissa?"

"Lucius!" Narcissa staggered to his side and brushed his hair from his face. "Oh, thank the gods. I had begun to fear you mightn't ever wake up."

Lucius groaned. "Ah. Merlin. Wha—what did he _ do _to me?"

Narcissa shuddered. "I think you do not want to know. For now, rest, _mon amour._ I will care for you."

"Yes, but… Draco?"

"He is recovering well."

"Severus?"

Narcissa winced. "That, I cannot answer. He is not at the Manor. He was not in a good state when he left, however. I am amazed he had the strength to apparate at all."

"He is not apparating," said the unknown elf. "My friend house elf is taking him home and taking care of him."

Lucius blinked and focused on the elf. "Your… friend? Who are you?"

Winky bowed. "I is being Winky, Master Malfoy. My master is asking me to take care of you."

Lucius stared at the little elf, taking in her neat navy dress and flats. "You are not a free elf?"

"House elves can be wearing and taking clothes they is making themselves. Master is letting us make our own and theirs so we can be family and not slaves."

"Ah." A shamed, sorrowful expression crossed Narcissa's face. "I did not know. And it is too risky to allow our elves to dress themselves with the dark lord in residence."

Lucius dragged his hand to hers. "After the war, my love."

"You are so sure it will end well for us?"

"Severus believes it will. I believe him."

Narcissa squeezed his hand. "After the war, then."

"Yes." Lucius gave the house elf a weak smile. "Thank you for helping me, but who is your master?"

Winky pursed her lips. "Winky is not allowed to say. And Winky is not saying even if she was."

"Hm." Narcissa stared at her. "You used to work in Barty Crouch's manor, did you not?"

Winky scowled. "He is being treating Winky like rubbish. Winky is much happier now."

"I am glad to hear it. Your master must be a kind person, yes?"

"The kindest person Winky said, voice soft and reverent. 

"Your… master… asked you not to tell us who he is," said Lucius. "We shan't ask you to hurt yourself for our idle curiosity then. Tell him we are grateful, please?"

Winky nodded. "Master is being worried you would hurt me. He is being glad to know you is gentle."

Lucius winced. "Your master… he will keep that to himself, yes?"

"Yes, Master Malfoy. He is knowing to guard your secrets. And Winky is telling him you is asking him to. Will you also be keeping Winky's secrets? Even from your spy friend?"

Lucius paled. "You know of him?"

"Master is being watching over him for a long time. We is not hurting him. We is knowing to keep his secrets. You is not to tell him that either. He is being hurting us if you do, and we is only trying to keep him safe."

Lucius nodded and winced at a surge of pain. "Ah. If you think I must. He would not hurt you, though."

"He might hurt my master, if he knew, even if he is not meaning to. Please, Winky was not supposed to let you see her at all. And if your friend learns who my family is… I am afraid."

Severus might hurt them? Lucius didn't understand, but for the house elf's sake and that of his unknown benefactor, he agreed.

"Thank you, Winky. I promise to keep your secrets."

"I will as well," said Narcissa. "Please, tell your master we are… I am… so very grateful."

"Winky will do so."

The little elf carried on treating his wounds, and Lucius rejoiced that at least one person knew the truth of them and wanted to help. Merlin, but his was a lonely road. Two more allies in the dark of night, even if he had to keep them secret, gave him hope that he might just survive this nightmare intact after all.

_ 'Thank you, friend, whoever you are.' _

* * *

Harry spent the rest of the night and much of the day in pain, a worried Xerides keeping watch. Near lunchtime, the pain finally abated, and the night elf dragged himself to bed after a snack and a request to wake him if Harry took a turn again or Kreacher returned.

Harry rested in the living room and studied the Prince's book. It wasn't doing much to keep his mind off his fears for his mate, but he couldn't focus on much else. Ron and Hermione kept him company, each working on potions, too, just to keep Harry sane.

"You know," Harry said into the silence, "you're going to think I'm mad, but I half want to try for a mastery in this."

"Potions?" Hermione gave him a sad smile. "For Severus?"

"Well, partially, but it's actually fascinating even if Severus wasn't my mate. And the Prince helped me understand a lot of the theory behind it, ironically. Then there are my healing potions. I can't release the recipe, but if I distribute even a small amount of them, they could save a lot of lives. I need to have a mastery before people trust me to do that, though, and I want to do it anyway so I know how to make them better. I mean, I did _ try _ to use proper potions technique when I made them, but if I understood the theory better, I'm sure they could be improved."

Hermione's smile lost its sorrowful edge. "That's a wonderful idea, Harry. And sunguards are suited to healing, so potions work would be a good choice for you if you actually enjoy it."

Harry shrugged. "When Severus isn't tearing my head off, it's like cooking, only more useful. And I like to cook."

"True. And Molly says you show a lot of promise in the art now that you're not so scared and second-guessing your every move. Your natural intuition in brewing is starting to come out now that you're away from Hogwarts." 

"Yeah, though I still feel miles behind the crowd."

She sat beside him and summoned her notes. "I'm planning on going into law and justice, but having a firm grasp on potions is useful for everyday life no matter what you do for a living. We'll study together, okay? At least until you're ready to start your mastery."

"Me too," said Ron, "though I mightn't be much help. Potions are definitely not my forte."

Harry smiled wanly. "Thanks, you lot. I'll need all the help I can get, for sure."

Hermione nudged his side. "Hush. That's your past talking. You've gotten O's on every assignment lately, even the ones the Prince didn't take notes on. You'll be fine."

"I'm glad you think so." It hurt that his mate would never know, but at least Harry could honour him in some small way. Even if he never noticed.

Ron closed his book with a sigh. "So much for all of going into the auror corps, yeah?"

Harry winced. "Mate, I don't think I'm safe doing anything in the public eye even if I did trust the Ministry, and I don't."

"No, you're right." Ron flopped on Harry's other side. "I don't know if I want to do it anymore either. I don't want to leave 'Mione alone if anything goes wrong on a mission, and, well, like you said, I'm not stupid enough to trust the Ministry." He stared at his feet. "I don't know what else I can do, though. I thought about being a cursebreaker like Bill, but he's really smart, you know? I'm… well, I'm not _ stupid_, but I'm not brilliant either."

"I think you're smart enough where you want to be, Ron." Harry gave a wry snort. "You certainly beat the stuffing out of me every time we play chess."

"That's not exactly something I can turn into a career, though."

"It is, actually," said Hermione. "Strategy and planning. Tactics. You're good at it. And all of that would be essential for a cursebreaker."

Ron toyed with his jumper and stared at his knees. "I mean, you might be right, but Bill took twelve NEWTs, 'Mione. Even if I'm good at planning my next move, I'm nowhere near that level of academic excellence."

Hermione shrugged. "And Bill is just one cursebreaker. Others have different skills to bring to the table, and theirs are no less valuable. Besides, if you ask him, I'm sure he would be happy to help. He might even take you on as an apprentice."

Ron smiled and let his jumper alone. "You… really think so?"

"I do, and I think you'd be good at it, too, but you have to put the effort in, Ron. You mightn't be another Nostradamus, but you're clever enough when you apply yourself. So don't waste his time lazing about if you are going to do it."

Ron squeezed his fist and nodded. "Yeah. You're right. And I think… yeah. I think I want to try. Mate, is it all right if I floo Bill? I really do want to talk to him, and as Xeri is asleep, it won't hurt anything if Fleur sees us. She probably wouldn't mind him anyway, seeing as how she's not human."

Harry nodded. "I trust them. Go on."

Ron grinned and dashed to the hearth. "Shell Cottage, Tinworth, England." The fire flared green, and Ron stuck his head in the flames. "Bill? Are you…?" Ron bolted up so fast, he nearly dashed his head on the mantel. "Oh my gods! _Luna_?"

Harry gasped and grabbed Hermione's hand. "Merlin!"

Hermione made a squeaking sound and clung tight to Harry's fingers.

"Oh, hello, Ron," came Luna's dreamy alto. "The tidebumblers told me you would call soon. I'm glad I came in here to wait. I'vemissed you so. Dean will be happy to see you, too."

Ron's voice broke. "Oh, Luna! Bloody hell, I'm so glad you're safe."

"They're okay," Harry breathed, tears choking him. "Oh, gods, they're _ okay_."

Hermione gave a quiet sob and covered her face with her hands. "Oh, thank God."

* * *

Harry told Dobby to do what he could to keep them hidden and to warn Xeri away from the living room if he woke up, then everyone rushed through the floo to greet their friends.

"Luna!" Harry swept her off her feet and into a hug, but he set her back down at her wince. "Oh, thank _ fuck _ you're okay. We were bloody terrified."

Luna squeezed his hand. "Well, we all have some recovering to do yet, especially Dean and Garrick, but we'll be well enough soon."

"Garrick?" Hermione frowned. "As in Garrick Ollivander?"

"Yes, we were held captive with him and a goblin called Griphook."

Harry frowned. Where had he heard that name before? 

"Oh! I know Griphook. He was the goblin who showed me to my vault the first time. I'm glad he's okay."

"He'll be pleased to hear that, and shocked that you remember him after so long, but come. Let's go see Dean. He's worried about you, too."

Harry gripped her hand and followed her to a different part of the house, where Fleur was tending to a battered Dean. The boy was bruised and scratched all over, and it looked as though he hadn't seen a solid meal in a month, but oh, gods, Harry was so fucking glad to see him.

"'Arry?" Fleur stood, surprise on her features. "What are you… oh, and Ron and 'Ermione, too. Why are you 'ere? It is dangerous for you."

"Sorry, Fleur." Harry rushed to give her a hug. "We shouldn't have just barged in like this, but Ron wanted to talk to Bill, and when we saw Luna, we couldn't just… we missed them so much." 

Fleur's expression softened. "Ah, I see. Come and visit zen, but it is not safe to stay long. I zink, even with ze _ Fidelius_, you are in danger."

Harry nodded. "Dobby is hiding us as best as he can, but you're right. We can't stay too long." 

"Harry?" Dean opened his eyes and turned his head with a groan. "Is that you, mate?"

Harry sniffled and sat in a chair beside Dean's bed. "Yeah, it's me. Ron and 'Mione, too. Oh, gods. Dean, I was so fucking terrified for you. Merlin, I'm so glad you're safe."

Dean squeezed his hand weakly. "So am I."

Hermione gave a wet laugh and wiped her eyes. "Hello, Dean. I'm so relieved to see you in one piece."

"For the most part anyway," said a grim Dean.

"Y-yeah." Ron knelt beside the bed and took his hand gently. "You gonna be all right, mate?"

Dean grimaced. "Eventually."

"Here." Harry held up a crystalline phial. "This potion is my invention. It's a powerful healing draught called Sunshine Elixir. I'll help you take it if you trust me."

Dean gaped. "You… invented potions, mate? I thought you hated it."

"No, just being yelled at all the time. I actually enjoy brewing. And yes, I invented it. Will you take some?"

Dean nodded weakly. "Yeah, I trust you, mate."

"Thanks." Harry tipped his friend's head up and helped him swallow the potion. "It should start working immediately, but with this level of injury, you'll need it for at least five more days, I think. I'll send Dobby over with a supply for you and the others once I can brew enough to spare. I at least have one here for everyone with me."

Fleur summoned a basket. "I will take zem and give zem to ze uzzers while you are catching up. Zis is _ tres magnifique_, 'Arry. Well done." 

Harry smiled. "_Merci_, Fleur. You might have trouble getting Griphook to take that."

Luna smiled. "I'll help. He trusts me."

Fleur squeezed her arm. "I will try first so you may visit, but if 'e will not take it, we will try again later."

"Yes, that sounds good." 

Fleur nodded and swept away, potions in tow. Harry handed one to Luna and watched her take it. 

"Better, Lu?"

She beamed. "Much. What a fantastic gift you have, Harry."

Somehow, he had the sense she wasn't referring to his skill in brewing. "Er… yeah. Thank you."

Hermione sniffled and wiped her face. "How are you two here? What happened? We were all afraid you were dead, and now…." She buried a sob in her hands. "Oh, I'm so glad you're safe."

Dean hesitated. "Luna and I can tell you lot, but if we do, you have to promise to keep it a secret. They would be killed if…."

Harry nodded. "Cross our hearts, mate."

Ron gave him a bemused look. "Er… yeah. We'll keep it quiet."

"Muggle saying, Ron," Hermione supplied. "And of course we'll keep your secrets, Dean."

Harry rubbed tears away and discreetly pushed them onto Dean's hand. "What happened, mate? Please."

"Right. Well, it's like this…."

* * *

Harry called for the household once they came back home, Bill in tow. Dobby rushed in from the study, and Xerides from his bedroom. The elf came in half-dressed, long white hair hanging loose down his back and over his bare chest. 

Harry stared, shocked at his lack of attire. "Er… Xeri?"

Xerides yawned and rubbed his eyes. "What is happening?" He stilled and held Harry's gaze. "Harry?" His ears flared out and his eyes took on a glint of… interest?

Hmm. _ That _was a new reaction. Harry had no idea what it meant either. 

Ron gave them both bemused looks. "Er… we have news about the spy and our friends, Xeri."

"R-right." Harry flushed and conjured a quilt for the elf. That was rather distracting. "Sorry. You surprised me, Xeri."

Xerides gave him a wry smile and wrapped the quilt around his shoulders. The strange look had faded from his features. "As you did for me by waking me halfway through my rest. What happened, Harry? Is Severus well?"

"Kreacher isn't back yet," said Harry with a shiver of worry. "But I'm not in pain, so he's out of danger, at least."

Bill paled. "Harry, you feel it when Severus is hurt?"

"Only when it's bad enough to threaten his life." Harry shuddered and hugged his chest. "I need him to survive, so my core goes wonky when his is flickering."

"_Damn_." Bill rubbed his face and sat beside the elf with a grimace. "Merlin, Harry. That's bloody terrifying."

"That is why I am in such a state." Xerides waved to his form. "I was up with Harry most of the morning, and I was still sleeping when you called. I had not expected company either. My apologies."

Bill waved him off. "It's nothing. This is your home, and we have much more important things to discuss anyway."

"Yeah." 

Harry settled on the sofa across from Xerides and Bill, and his human friends squeezed in on both sides. Dobby settled on a conjured cushion by Harry's feet. 

"Right. So, to bring you up to speed, Xeri, we discovered Dean and Luna at Bill's house by accident while you were sleeping and rushed in to check on them. They're both injured, Dean especially, but they're recovering, along with Garrick Ollivander and Griphook."

Xerides nodded. "I am familiar with both. Garrick is a half-vampire and familiar with the night races. And I have met Griphook before in my visits to the goblin kingdom."

"Ollivander isn't human?" Ron snorted. "Well, _ that _explains a lot."

Harry shivered at the memory of their first meeting. "Y-yeah. He talked to me when I was there. He told me about wands, that a wand's loyalty can be won more easily by disarming its master in a true battle situation rather than by killing its owner." He shrugged. "I mean, it's useful information, but I'm not sure how it applies."

Hermione shook his head. "Riddle must know something. We know he tortured Ollivander in effort to learn about a wand he wants. So it must have had something to do with that. Ollivander was probably trying to warn you."

"Warn me of _ what_, though?"

"Just make damn sure you keep hold of your wand, mate," said Ron. "That's what I got out of it."

"Yeah. I… yeah. That makes sense." Harry shook himself. "Anyway, it's less Ollivander's story than Dean and Luna's that we need to be concerned about." He related the tale they had shared with them, of the Malfoys' midnight rescue and narrow escape. "But Bill said there's a problem with their story, so he came along with us to talk about it."

Xerides took a deep breath. "I see. Thank the fates your friends are well. You have all been troubled over their disappearance for weeks." 

"Yeah," Harry said with a smile. "I've got to brew a batch of Elixir for them when we're done, but they're all recovering. Still, what do you think of their story, Xeri?"

The elf rubbed his chin. "I think there can be no doubt now that Lucius is Severus' spy."

"It certainly seems that way," said Harry.

"Spy?" At Bill's confused look, Hermione gave him the gist of their conclusions about Severus and Kreacher's observations of Harry's mate. Bill whistled at the end of her tale.

"Holy fuck. All this time, he's been a triple agent? He's… he's been breaking himself to bits to save us all, and everyone thinks he's a monster?"

Harry nodded grimly. "But we can't tell the Order. We don't know if any of _ them _are spies, and even if they aren't, we can't tell anyone who doesn't know occlumency until the war is over, or at least until Severus is out of danger."

Bill rubbed a hand over his face and gave a shaky sigh. "Right. Well, technically, _ I'm _not an occlumens, but as I have protection against mental intrusions on me at all times, it should be safe enough to talk to me."

"Yeah, you already know our other dangerous secrets anyway," said Ron.

"True. And this… well, I think I know what was wrong now."

Xerides motioned Bill on.

Bill crossed his arms over his chest. "It's just, pureblood families are all rather close, or at least we all know each other, for the most part. And while Malfoy _ does _have a cousin named Darius out there, he isn't British. He's Hungarian, and his accent shows it. So I'm positive that wasn't Darius in the dungeons."

"Severus," Harry breathed. "He must have used polyjuice or glamours to do it. Merlin."

"Yeah." Bill dropped his head into his hands. "Fuck. He's a hero, and I almost killed him. I almost… both of you would have… _ fuck_."

Harry sat by the man and rubbed his back. "It's not your fault. You didn't know, and we're both okay."

"For now. He's in danger, Harry. All the damn time. He's not just taking his own life into his hands either, and he doesn't know." Bill took Harry's hands. "You have to tell him, Harry. At least he needs to understand that you need him alive."

Harry blinked hard. "I… I can't tell him he's my mate, but, I can tell him the rest. Maybe. If I can think of a way to word it so the rest isn't obvious."

"Try, Harry. He's damn near suicidal. He needs support, and if he doesn't understand…."

"Yeah." Harry shuddered and hugged his waist. "I… I'll try, Bill. As soon as he wakes up. That's all I can do."

Bill squeezed Harry's hands. "I know what you mean."


	33. Under the Surface

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y'all have been waiting for this one for a while. Better bring some tissues.

#  **Chapter 33**

##  _ Under the Surface _

The last sunlight of the day cast long shadows and sharp slices of vermillion across Harry's cauldron. He added a pinch of moondew to the half-finished healing base within, one of Xerides' suggested changes, and stirred the silvery petals in until they disappeared from view.

"Three stirs clockwise… and four anticlockwise. There we are."

Harry had no trouble understanding why Severus enjoyed brewing these days. Now that no one would shout at him for breathing the wrong way, he found the process relaxing, too.

A low voice called from the living room and nearly startled him into dropping his stirring rod.

"Masters, Kreacher is home!"

Harry's stomach lurched. "Severus…."

Harry turned off his potion—adding moondew was the last step in creating the base for all his specialised healing potions anyway. It would be fine waiting until he could finish it later.

"Coming, Kreacher!" 

He spelled off his lab gear, spelled his hands and face clean, too, and rushed out of the lab and into the living room. Ron came in from the kitchen at the same time, a blue apron tied on over his jumper and denims.

Harry dashed to the elf and dropped to one knee. "Kreacher! Oh, thank Merlin. Is Severus okay?"

Kreacher nodded. "He is much better, Master. Hippa is watching over him, so Kreacher is coming home with news." The old elf gave him a bright grin. "Master, Kreacher is finally knowing who Master Severus is loyal to."

Harry shared a bemused look with Ron. "Loyal to… but we already know, don't we?"

Kreacher grinned. "No, Master, you is not understanding. We is all knowing he is loyal to the Light, yes, but now Kreacher is also knowing—it is for _ you_, Master. He is being loyal to Master Harry above all others."

Harry reeled back, all the breath gone from him in a powerful rush of shock and wonder. "He… but he _ hates _me." Tears welled in his eyes. "I-I know he does. Doesn't he?"

Kreacher's ears drooped. "Kreacher is thinking Master Severus is not hating Master Harry at all, but he is still being loyal either way."

Behind them, Ron called, "Oi! Everyone! Kreacher's got news."

Xerides came in from the bedroom and Hermione from the back lawn with Winky.

"Winky has news, too," said Hermione with a shake of her head, "but let's hear Kreacher's first since we already knew a lot of what Winky has to report."

"Right." Harry waved everyone to the sofas, and they all piled in. "First, Kreacher says Severus is doing better, and Hippa is looking after him now. Winky, are the Malfoys okay?"

Winky shook her head. "They is still injured, but on the mend. Lox is saying he is skilled enough to take care of Master Lucius from now on, so Winky is coming home."

"Thank Merlin. No one threatened you?"

Winky hesitated. "No, Master, but Winky is not being able to follow orders completely. Narcissa would not leave Lucius' side, and so Winky had no choice but to break the order not to show herself. Master Lucius was near death, and his mate and síoda did not know how to save him." Her ears drooped. "Winky is not able to not hurt herself for it either."

She revealed burned, blistered hands, and Harry cursed.

"Merlin, Winky!" Harry knelt before her and filled a cup with blood for her. "Drink it, please. I'm so sorry. We didn't want you to be hurt."

She sniffled and drank without complaint. "I know, Masters. Winky tried not to, but…."

"The you-know-what forced you to anyway." Ron sighed. "I'm sorry, Winky. We'll get you fixed up."

"Yeah." Harry summoned a síoda-sized potion for her, too. "Did Lucius see you?"

Winky nodded. "He is…." 

Dobby winced and hugged her shoulders. "Is Winky well? He is not hurting you?"

She looked to her mate and frowned. "Winky was being afraid when Lucius woke up because she knows he is hurting her Dobby, but Winky is safe. I am thinking Lucius is very changed, Masters. He is thanking Winky and telling her not to hurt herself. He is also saying to tell my masters thank you and saying they will let their síoda make clothing after the war, when it is being safe. Master Harry, he is not sounding like the man Dobby is warning Winky about at _ all_."

Hermione shook her head sadly. "I think he isn't, Winky. We learned while you were gone that Lucius saved Luna and Dean from Riddle's torture chambers with Severus. He sent a _ dove _ patronus to Bill to get help, of all things, and really, that says it all."

"It does?" Harry frowned. "I mean, we know he's changed, but what does his patronus form have to do with it?"

"He couldn't cast one if he was still evil to start with, but a dove in particular… they're signs of innocence, Harry. Rebirth. Someone with a dove patronus is a person who was cruel once, but has since burned all the darkness inside them away to be reborn, after a fashion. I think, knowing what we do now, he could only have a dove. Severus probably has one, too."

"No, Mistress Hermione." Kreacher looked straight at Harry, and Harry's heart thumped. "Master Severus has a patronus like his mate."

"He… he has a stag?" Harry blinked hard. "I…."

"Not a stag, Master. A doe. The mate of the stag."

Harry dropped his head into his hands and struggled to breathe through a powerful wave of mingled grief and devotion. "Oh. Oh, gods. Severus…."

Ron rubbed his shoulders. "It's all right, mate. Maybe this means there's hope, right?"

"Fuck. Fuck, I can't…." A strangled sob escaped his control, and Xerides swept Harry into his arms.

"Ssh. Harry, this is _ good _news."

"It… it might just be the mate bond, though. It might not be anything conscious on his part."

Kreacher shifted from foot to foot, ears low. "Kreacher is not being able to say either way, Master, but Kreacher is knowing he is devoted regardless."

"He is…?" Harry lifted his face and wiped streams of tears away. "How? What—did you see it?"

Kreacher nodded. "When Master Severus woke, he is breaking down on Hippa. He said he is scared. Kreacher was afraid to leave because he is still so weak, so Kreacher is hearing it all. And… and he said he is scared because you are not there, Master. He says he is scared because he cannot find you, and he cannot hope to help you fight this war if he cannot find you."

"Oh, _ gods_," Harry choked out. "Severus wants me there. Oh, Merlin help me, I wish I could…."

Xerides rubbed Harry's back. "Yes. Perhaps we might offer him sanctuary here?"

"If only we could, but then Severus might find out about the mate bond and kill me, even if he doesn't mean to. And you, Xeri. If he doesn't accept you…." Harry shook his head. "It would put _ him _ at risk, too. Riddle expects him at the school. If he's not there every night—no. I… much as I wish we could bring him home, it's just not safe for anyone, at least not until Riddle is dead and we have some time to talk to him."

Xerides sighed and slumped in defeat. "You are correct, of course. It only troubles me to think of him stranded and fearful without his mate."

"Y-yeah. I don't know how much of it I can heal, or how much he's willing to _ let _ me heal, but I'll try my best as soon as we can." Harry rubbed his face and took a deep, steadying breath. "Did you have anything else to report, Kreacher?"

The Síoda nodded. "Master Severus is saying he is wanting to give you the sword, Master."

Harry stared, bemused. "The… the sword? _ What _ sword?" He froze. "Wait, do you mean the sword of Gryffindor?"

"Yes, Master, that sword. He is saying tonight that the last headmaster said you would need it for your quest, and he is frightened because time is running out."

"I would need the sword of Gryffindor for horcruxes?" Harry looked to his human friends, but they seemed as confused as he was.

"The sword of Gryffindor…." Xerides rubbed Harry's back. "Goblin made, was it not?"

"Oh, yes, I believe so," said Hermione. "_Hogwarts: a History _ has some interesting information on it. I'll get it."

Xerides waved her down. "I believe I know what we need to know. Harry, you said you used the sword to slay a mad basilisk in your second year?"

"Y-yeah. Why?"

"Goblin-forged metal imbibes what makes it stronger. That sword is infused with basilisk venom now. And if you did not have your own method of dealing with horcruxes, it would be the only feasible option available to us for destroying them."

Harry gasped. "Oh, gods. He's trying to help me destroy the horcruxes. He doesn't know I have my own way, and he's terrified." Tears choked him. "Oh, Severus."

Xerides caught his shoulders. "Tell him, Harry. Now is the time. Tell him we have already completed most of the task Dumbledore set before you. Ease his mind. He has had no one but his spy and his síoda friend to help him for over a year, and it is clear he is frightened."

"Y-yeah." Harry sniffled. "Hermione, I need some charmed parchment. Winky, will you take it to him, please, and make sure no one but us and Severus can see it or interact with the parchment at all?"

Winky bowed. "Is you wanting to hide your trail, Master?"

Harry glanced to Xerides. "Probably best to, for now. Yes, please hide my trail. It's not time yet to attack."

"Yes, Master Harry."

Hermione handed Harry a piece of parchment and a self-inking quill. "Good luck."

"Thanks." Harry set the parchment on a conjured table and began to write.

* * *

Severus sat in his office and slumped onto his desk, exhausted. The Carrows had forced him out of bed and after a group of innocents, bloody demons. They had long since gone, thank Merlin, and Severus had managed enough strength to _ Confund _ them into accepting a 'torture session' with Hagrid as punishment, but Severus hadn't bothered to crawl back into bed yet. Everything in him still hurt, and he could hardly focus on anything regardless. 

Gods, he was so tired, so miserable. He wanted it to end, but until he found Harry and ensured the destruction of the horcruxes, he couldn't give in to his desperation. 

_ 'Almost over.' _

The knowledge didn't help much. Nothing would end until he found Harry.

He groaned and racked his brains for any possible location he hadn't searched. He had tried every place that had any hint of meaning or connection to the boy or his odious family, and his hope had long since worn thin. How in the bloody hell had the goddamned 'Chosen One,' Hero of the Light Extraordinaire, the Order's pet boy weapon, and 'Undesirable number one,' managed to fall off the face of the Earth? 

Everyone and their mother was desperate to find the boy. Both sides of the war kept trying to outdo each other in rewards for his safe return… or bounty. The reward had climbed to two million galleons on both sides at Severus' last check. Gods, it terrified him, the lengths the public was willing to go to just to find one boy.

And Harry! Would it kill him to make an appearance every now and then so the public would stop auctioning off their valuables, limbs, and firstborn children?

And so Severus might have the slightest sliver of hope that this was not all in vain? He hadn't taken the fall for _ Albus' _sake, after all.

Not that it would matter in the end. When the smoke cleared over the final battlefield, they would both be dead. After almost forty years of hell, Severus had nothing but a brutal, lonely death waiting around the horizon, and so did Harry.

Fuck. He hoped the other side would welcome them. Merlin knew they deserved at least that small joy.

Severus dropped his head onto his desk just as a sheet of parchment appeared below him. He jerked up, heart hammering against his ribs. The last time he had seen a message like this….

_ 'Harry?' _

Severus cast several anti-spying wards in addition to his usual spells and locked the door. "Hippa?"

She appeared with a bow. "Is Master needing help to bed?"

"No, I am well enough to walk, but I need you to check this letter for me. Please make sure no one can interact with it but myself."

"Letter?" Albus' portrait tried to look over Severus' shoulder. "What letter?"

Severus moved in front of the nosy bastard. "Hippa?"

Hippa stared at his desk and tugged her ear, expression bemused. "Hippa does not see a letter, Master."

"Hmm. Perhaps it is already keyed to me." He held up the parchment. "Still nothing?"

"No, Master. Hippa sees nothing but your hand."

"Thank Merlin. Thank you, Hippa. That was all I needed."

She bowed and popped away, and Severus eased back into his chair, ignoring Albus' demands for information.

> _ 'Professor, _
> 
> _ 'This letter is warded carefully so no one but you can see it or interact with it at all, but just in case, please be careful not to reveal my name or any crucial details. Just write under me to reply when you're ready. _
> 
> _ 'We know you're on our side. Don't ask how, for everyone's sake, but we know. As for me, the last time I spoke to you in person, I made a fairly stupid request of you, circumstances being what they are, and nearly killed myself on those damn jars. _
> 
> _ 'I'm sorry about that, by the way—' _

Severus summoned a quill and ink and overwrote the boy. 

> _ 'There is no time for apologies. Where are you?'_
> 
> •

> _ 'I'm sorry, sir. I can't tell you that. There may be others watching despite all my precautions against it. Just in case, it's safer for both of us that I don't give you any more information than you need to know.' _

Severus' quill nearly scratched through the parchment in his anger and desperation. 

> _ 'I need to know where the hell you are! I must give you—'_
> 
> •

> _ 'Stop, Professor. For your own sake. No, you don't need to give me anything. I found my own way of completing the task I was set. All the pieces I can reach until it's time to return to Hogwarts have already been destroyed. You need only worry about preparing the castle for war.'_
> 
> •

> _ 'You cannot simply cut those… artefacts with a cutting curse. You must destroy them—'_
> 
> •

> _ 'We know, Professor. Holy fire will do the job just as well.' _

Holy fire? Sweet Circe! How in Merlin's name had Potter gotten his hands on _ that_? 

> _ 'Only the most powerful of holy creatures can use holy fire, and you most certainly do not qualify.'_
> 
> •

> _ 'Sir, trust me, that's another question you don't want me to answer. We'll both die if it reaches the wrong ears.'_
> 
> •

> _ 'And where, dare I ask, have you suddenly learned to be so circumspect?'_
> 
> •

> _ 'From a dear friend whose life depends on keeping secrets. Much like ours do at the moment. _
> 
> _ 'For now, sir, I only want you to know the mission is as finished as it's going to be until the final showdown. I'll warn you the same way when we overcome the last obstacle between us and victory. _
> 
> _ 'Until then, know that we, at least, know how much you've sacrificed to give us half a chance, Professor. It hardly means anything compared to what you've done, but thank you. Merlin, thank you for everything you did for us. You're a hero, sir. A far braver one than I. Yes, I mean that.' _

Severus stared at the words, heart thrumming and hands shaking. Oh, _ gods_. A hero. Harry thought of him as a _ hero_. How? After all he had done, how could he possibly…?

> _ 'I… you truly mean…?'_
> 
> •

> _ 'Every word, sir. I have to go before I put you in more danger than you're already in, but know I'm on your side. I'll help you as best as I can. _
> 
> _ 'Until we speak again, be ready. The next time I contact you, it'll be time to end it, once and for all. _
> 
> _ 'And, sir, I know it's miserable, but please keep fighting. Please hold on. I swear you're not alone, and I need you to survive.' _

Before Severus could reply, the parchment vanished, leaving him staring, gobsmacked, at the surface of his desk. Harry… knew? He knew Severus was an ally and… he was trying to keep him safe? Calling him a hero? Begging him to survive?

_ "We know how much you've sacrificed to give us half a chance." _

Severus' eyelids burned and his chest ached. _ 'No one knows. But the thought that he is, at least, acknowledging my sacrifices….' _

It hurt. It healed him, and it hurt, because if Harry _ truly _knew what this war and pureblood supremacy—on both sides—had cost him, he wouldn't be so quick to trust him. He would hate Severus, just as Severus had hated him all along, at least until last spring, when everything had changed for them both.

How much had he truly hated _ Harry _ Potter and how much had been hatred left over for ghosts Severus had never been free to forget? Would their lives have been different if Severus had ever had the chance to heal?

He leaned his head against the desk and let a few bitter tears fall. It was too late to worry about it either way. He might have been able to save Harry if he had been given the time, but he hadn't any, and either way, he couldn't afford to let his defenses drop this late in the game.

No, their paths were set. Much as he wished he might give the boy, at least, some kind of future. A better future than his own.

Harry had never deserved this. Neither had Severus.

He could do nothing to alter it. Nothing to save them, either of them. All he could do, in the end, was grant Harry the dignity of a hero's death. 

If only his own would be seen the same way.

_ 'We know you're on our side, sir.' _

At least two people would know. No, four and a house elf or two. And that was more hope than he had had the night before.

Severus stood, jerked a hand across his face, and dragged himself to his bedroom, ignoring the old man's incessant pestering to be let in on his secrets. No, Albus had forfeited the right to Severus' trust twenty-one years ago, and Severus had more than earned at least one night of rest without nightmares. 

He showered, changed into his nightshirt, and summoned a bottle of Dreamless Sleep, but before he climbed into bed, he went to his private bookshelf and tugged out _ 1001 Cures for the Weak and Infirm_. His fingers found the bookmarked page with the practised ease of a hundred sleepless nights.

_ 'Thank you, for all you risk for us.' _

He no longer needed to see the note to remember its words, but looking at it calmed him. Reminded him of his purpose. He traced a familiar path over the words with a fingertip that knew every indentation, every curve of the letters, each flaw and imperfection in Harry's strokes. He wouldn't be able to keep Harry's last letter, and it was probably for the best, but now, this little note seemed so much sweeter.

"He knows. He trusts me. I will not face the dark night alone."

He blinked a few tears down his face, closed the book, and put it away. As he leaned against the shelf and wiped his face, a shudder of relief passed over him. It would be much easier to share the final truth with the boy if Harry already trusted him.

A pang of remorse stabbed his heart. "Forgive me, Harry. Would that I could spare you this fate."

Perhaps, at least, Severus could wait for him on the other side. Perhaps they could walk together into the peace of the world beyond. The thought gave him hope, at least.

With a quiet sniffle, Severus mopped himself up, downed his potion, and let himself fall upon the pillows, for once comforted that at least a handful of people saw him as he truly was. 

_ 'You were wrong, Albus. I have no idea how, but, in the end, even Harry has seen through your smokescreens and lies.' _

"We will both die heroes," he murmured.

At least to one, small part of the world.


	34. Gift of the Willing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And the war is in full-swing. Also, changes on other fronts abound. Internally, at least.
> 
> Elvish phrase "_va teloí_" = "my friend."

#  **Chapter 34**

##  _ Gift of the Willing _

Harry sat on the porch one May morning, watching the sunrise with his friends. He sat on the steps with Xerides, red wings wrapped around them like the blankets their friends cuddled under nearby. 

Ron and Hermione leaned on the banister beside Harry, both snuggled under their duvet. March had since come and gone, and Ron had given himself to his girlfriend with a small ring and a promise that no one else would ever share in his gift to her. Hermione wore the little sapphire ring he had given her with joy, taking pride in the fact that he called her his raven in the lion's den. A reminder that Ravenclaw used _ eagles _as their mascots did no good.

"Nah, you're a raven. They're smarter than eagles."

Hermione rather liked being a raven despite her protests, Harry thought.

Dobby, too, sat cuddled up with Winky at the bottom of the steps. Kreacher sat under his own blanket beside them, and Harry wondered if the old síoda felt as lonely as he did sometimes, with love blossoming all around but none left for him. Xerides might, at least, still find a lover someday, but Harry was bound to a man who might never accept him, and Kreacher was nearing the end of his lifespan. 

Well, the old elf still might find love one day, Harry supposed, if he ever had time to look.

"Kreacher," he murmured, "did you ever want to find a mate of your own?"

Kreacher shook his head. "Kreacher had a mate, Master. She is going on to the Summerland long before you is born. Her name was being Ellie." His ears drooped. "Without her, without Master Regulus, Kreacher was growing lonely and sad. I is being angry for years." He gave Harry a smile edged with tears. "Now, when we is meeting again, Kreacher can tell her he is getting to be part of a real family before his time ends. I is being able to tell her our elflings will live in a better world, someday." 

Harry blinked hard. "Damn straight you can. What are your elflings' names, Kreacher?"

"Tiffy, Kumie, and Lox. They is all being Black síoda. Kumie is going with Andromeda. Lox is being Narcissa's. They is being happy." His ears drooped. "But Tiffy is not. She is a Lestrange síoda now."

Harry shuddered. "If there is any way to save her, Kreacher, we will. You're sure Lox is okay there, though? The Malfoys certainly didn't treat Dobby well, and even with Lucius turning his life around, that trauma goes deep."

"Dobby was being _ Lucius' _ elf, Master Harry," said Dobby. "Lox is being Narcissa's friend since she was a little girl. Narcissa is not letting Lucius mistreat him. And Lox is saying that Lucius is being much kinder to the síoda, so he is happier, though Dobby is not sure he can believe it."

"I understand, Dobby. You have a right to be wary of him, though I do think he's changed. It's tough to forgive that kind of abuse." Harry shuddered and crossed his arms over his chest. "But even if Lucius is being good to the síoda, even if his new personality is completely genuine, we can't say the same for Riddle. None of them are safe there, síoda or human. Still, with any luck, we'll change that soon." He traced the scar where Pettigrew had cut him three years before. "If we could just overcome the blood…."

Xerides draped his arm over Harry's shoulders and tugged him to rest against his side. "A way must exist, Harry. We will find it, soon. I feel it coming closer each day." 

Ron gave Xerides a searching look. "Is that optimism or your instincts talking?"

"Both. The vibrations in the air are changing rapidly. The time is coming. I think, before the blossoms fall from our cherry trees, we shall find the way."

Harry stared at his bright pink cherry trees. "That's going to be within a fortnight, Xeri."

"Yes. The time is coming, soon."

"Merlin." Harry snuggled in closer. "Best enjoy the peace and quiet while we can, then."

"Hmm. Yes, our preparations are set. The three of you have learned much. You are all skilled warriors, and I have faith the battle shall be ours, when it comes. For now, let us enjoy these quiet moments before the dawn."

Harry nodded, and the others fell into a peaceful silence. On the horizon ahead, the sun painted the sky above the trees bright pink, then red, then vermillion. As the first rays of orange and gold peeked through the leaves, the moonlit glow of Xerides' eyes faded to pale blue and winked out, leaving silvery blue irises and black pupils visible in its wake. Xerides slumped a bit, his weight leaning harder into Harry's side than it had a moment ago.

"Does it hurt, Xeri?"

"Hmm?"

"When the sun rises."

"Ah. No. It merely feels as though my energy has run short. Much as you feel at approximately four in the morning every night."

Harry chuckled. "I've never slept well."

"Neither did Helios. Perhaps sunguards need less."

"You might be right. Just three hours and I'm good, generally."

"We know," said Ron with a snort. "So does Snape, for that matter. I swear the man had a second sense about when you'd be out walking the halls."

Harry's heart ached for his mate. "Yes, well, Severus understands insomnia too well."

"Yes he does, poor man," Hermione agreed with a shudder. "Come to think of it, you don't really sleep much either, Xerides, for all that we sleep at different times."

Xerides nodded. "High elves need far less sleep than humans."

"Ah. That makes sense then. You two always seem to be awake no matter the hour. Ron and I can barely keep u—"

Her comment died on a long gasp. Harry followed her wide-eyed gaze to a flash of white and gold between the trees.

"What in Merlin's name?"

"Unicorns," Hermione breathed.

Harry jerked to his feet. "What? _ Here_? In a Muggle wood?"

"They have been known to roam them." Xerides stood, too. "Merlin, it is a mare and twin foals. If there is a more auspicious sign, I do not know of o—"

They fell silent, hardly daring to breathe, as the unicorn stepped into the clearing just beyond the gate. Her twins frolicked in between the trees, but they cantered to their mother's side at the mare's quiet whinny.

The mare nuzzled her foals, whickering to them, then stepped onto the pathway of the house. She bowed and made a beckoning gesture with her horn, and Harry's heart skidded to a halt.

Xerides pushed Harry forwards. "Her business here can only be with you, Harry. None of us can approach her."

Harry blinked. "Why not, Xeri? You're a good person. Is it just the night magic?"

Winky gave him a wry grin. "Is not being magic that makes you the only one who is being able to approach her, Master. You is being the only innocent among us."

At Harry's blank look, a flushing Xerides whispered, "Virgins, Harry. None of us qualify any longer but you."

Harry felt his face might catch fire. "_Oh_. I'm such an idiot. Of course it's that."

The unicorn whinnied.

Xerides nudged him forwards gently. "Go. Whatever business she has here can only aid us."

Harry swallowed hard and nodded. "Right." He prayed Xerides was right and slowly approached the beautiful creature, hands out in a gesture of surrender, wings folded and quivering at his back.

"Nice unicorn," he muttered. "Please don't gore me."

She whinnied what sounded like a laugh, and Harry felt a little safer. He approached until he stood directly before her and gasped as the unicorn nuzzled his face.

"Oh." Something sweet and warm flooded his heart. "Hello to you, too. What in Merlin's name are you doing all the way out here though? It's dangerous for you and your babies if the Muggles see you."

The unicorn gave a sad whicker and bowed. Harry wondered if he was supposed to bow back, but then he realised the unicorn was dragging the tip of her horn across her leg.

"Oh! You've hurt yourself. You're bleeding. Let me…." He froze as the unicorn rubbed her horn in the silvery blood and lifted her head, so the shining tip was mere millimetres from Harry's lips. "Er…."

Xerides gasped. "Ages across, the willing blood."

"Oh my god," Hermione breathed.

"Drink it," Xerides urged. "It is a rare gift. Drink it."

Harry choked out, "Drink her _ blood_?"

Ron nodded, eyes wide. "No more than you do to us every night."

Hermione called, "They're right, Harry. Hurry!"

The unicorn huffed, dipped her horn in her blood again, and held it out to Harry once more. This time, Harry made himself lean forwards and open his mouth. She rubbed the side of her horn tip on his lips, smearing them with several drops of cooling, sticky fluid, and Harry forced his tongue to swipe across it. To his surprise, it tasted sweet and light.

"Thank you?"

He watched, stunned, as the unicorn cut her other leg and repeated the ritual. He swallowed faster this time. The unicorn fed him her blood seven times, from seven cuts, then bowed to him.

"Um, thank you." Harry bowed back. "May I heal you now?"

She nodded, and Harry cut his own wrist. He offered it to her, and winced at the sweep of her tongue. Her wounds sealed in moments, leaving no trail of blood behind, and she healed Harry with a glow of light from her horn.

"Thank you."

She offered her neck for pats.

"You're a beautiful girl, but you had best get your babies out of here before a hunter finds you."

The unicorn whinnied and nudged Harry's head with her own. She ushered her foals to the edge of the clearing, bowed to Harry once more, and disappeared between the trees.

Harry walked on shaky legs back to the porch, where his companions watched with wide eyes. Xerides had tears running down his face, and Harry's heart stilled.

"Xeri! Hey, are you okay?"

Xerides caught him into a hug. "Thank you. I never imagined I would see something so beautiful."

Harry wasn't sure how that gory ritual counted as beautiful, but he returned the shaking night elf's embrace regardless.

"Ssh. None of that. You're a lovely person, Xeri. I'm positive she knew it."

Xerides kissed Harry's cheek and stepped away. "Thank you."

"Yeah. You okay?"

"I was only overwhelmed." Xerides wiped his face and gave Harry a beaming smile. "Oh, _ va teloí_, you have no idea what just happened, do you?"

"Not in the least."

"The rite of willing blood," said Hermione, her voice breathless. "I never imagined I'd live to see it…." She sniffled and wiped her face. "Gods. It's incredible."

Harry frowned and wrapped his wings around himself, feeling exposed and vulnerable. "What in the world is everyone so emotional for?"

"What just happened," said Ron, and even his voice wobbled, "hasn't happened for hundreds of years, Harry. It's an incredibly rare, incredibly precious gift."

Harry sank against the railing, stunned. "A gift?"

"The rite of willing blood." Xerides wiped his eyes once more. "Life, Harry. She just blessed you with life."

"So that means I _ won't _die if Severus throws me to the wolves?"

Hermione winced. "No. It means you have the power to heal now, even wounds so dire a person is halfway to death, though it comes at a cost. The more dire the injury, the more blood it will take from you to heal it, and that will weaken you in more than one way. Still, it should be safe enough with potions."

"Er… but couldn't I heal with my blood already?"

"Yeah, but that unicorn just tripled the power of it, mate," said Ron. "I reckon there's not much you couldn't heal now, as long as you get there in time and have the potions on hand to restore yourself."

"I'll brew more blood replenishers and always carry a couple with me from now on then." Harry stared at the scar he had stroked earlier. "_Shite_. 'Mione, tell me Riddle won't gain this power, too."

Hermione snorted. "_No_, Harry. He took your blood before the unicorn blessed you, you dolt, and it wasn't…." She gave another stuttered gasp, and her eyes widened. 

"What?" Harry looked behind him, wondering if some other mythical beast had just paid them a visit, but the clearing was empty. "What, Hermione?"

"Willing," she breathed. "It wasn't willing. He took it by force. Oh my god, that's _ it_!"

"What?"

Beside her, Ron gasped and went rigid. "Holy shite!"

And Xerides, too, sank back to the stairs, some foreign swear word on his tongue. Greek or Elvish, probably. He tended to slip into one or the other when he was upset, not that it happened often. 

Harry understood. Chills raced over his skin as he recalled that nightmarish detention from his first year and the lessons learned afterwards. 

_ "But it is a half life, a cursed life…." _

He choked out, "Oh, gods!"

Hermione squealed and clapped her hands. "I _ knew _ there was something I forgot that I needed to remember! _ Quirrell_! That ritual, when Riddle stole your blood, Harry, remember how you said he seemed shocked and disgusted when he stepped out of the cauldron? I think it was supposed to return him to a fully-human body, but it failed. It failed because the _ 'blood of the enemy, forcibly taken' _was like unicorn blood!"

Harry's heart thumped. "So that means Riddle cursed himself?"

"Yes!" She squealed and clapped her hands, eyes gleaming. "Oh, it's just too ironic! He stole holy blood for his resurrection ritual and _cursed himself to die_! Karma at its finest!"

Harry gripped her hands in effort to bring her back down to earth. "So you're saying we can beat him."

"No, you daft sod, I'm saying you were more powerful all along!"

Harry nodded and called upon the quiet of the forest to calm himself. Dread and excitement rushed through him in equal measure, and he needed that calm now to focus. Nature. Quiet. The peace of their forest home.

Elves didn't occlude anything like how Severus had taught Harry—or tried to teach him anyway—but their methods worked better for someone so attuned to nature, elf or no, and soon, Harry's wild emotions abated. He centred himself among the trees and let the breath of life soothe his fractious spirit and quiet his apprehension. When he could think clearly, he took a deep breath and gathered his courage close.

It was time to end it. _Finally_.

"Hermione, I need another piece of charmed parchment. Xeri, if you'll gather what healing and protective herbs we have on hand and in the forest before you rest, it would help keep us safe. Fawkes, please help him and protect him."

The phoenix trilled and flew down to Xerides' shoulder.

"Thank you. Ron, I need you to get in touch with your family. Tell everyone in the Order that we need them to gather somewhere safe. I'm not sure where that is at the moment, so just take Molly's best suggestion."

Ron nodded grimly. "We're doing this today then."

"Before anyone else dies." Harry took Xerides' hand. "We move in as soon as your power returns. The rest of us will have to go to the castle before nightfall and prepare, but just send Fawkes once you're able to join us and in position, and I'll know without giving you away."

Xerides squeezed his fingers. "I will gather everything I am able in the meantime and prepare what remedies I can. And poison for my arrows, too."

"Thanks, Xeri, but wait for me before you go, please. I'm not through with you yet."

Xerides nodded and stepped aside.

"Harry." Hermione offered him a roll of parchment. "It's ready."

"Thanks." He took the scroll and tucked it into his pocket for the time being, shielded against damage. "Now that's done, please get the cauldrons and phials ready, 'Mione. We're making new Sunshine Elixir for everyone in the Order and DA. Dobby, Winky, help her where you can. Xeri can take over once he's back and has had time to rest."

"Sunshine Elixir for the entire…?" Hermione winced. "My god, Harry, that's over a hundred people! You can't weaken yourself like that."

"But—"

"She is right, Harry." Xerides held the sunguard's shoulders. "For the sake of those who depend upon you, do not risk yourself so."

Harry blinked hard. "But people will die."

"People are going to die regardless, Harry." Hermione's eyes glimmered, too. "I know it's awful, but that's just the reality we have to face. Your blood isn't proof against death, Harry, not even with unicorn blood added in. We can't save them all."

Harry's wings drooped. "We… we can help, can't we? At least our family? And we can store a few extra potions for emergencies?"

She gave a relieved sigh. "As long as you promise to take a blood replenisher and rest after, yes. Eat some iron-rich food and drink some juice, too. If you do that, then we can make enough potion for Ron's family, ours, yours, and a few extra. And you can give blood on the battlefield in dire emergencies, so long as you keep taking blood replenisher, but we can't hope to make enough elixirs for the whole Order and DA, and there might be a spy anyway."

"We have to make one for Severus at least."

Hermione hesitated. "Do you think he would take it though? He's so careful about that."

Harry swallowed against a surge of dread. "Probably not, but I still have to try."

She stared at the parchment in Harry's pocket and sighed. "He thinks you don't have any potions skills, but he might have some little trust in mine. It's not fair—you've far surpassed me now—but he might take it if you say I helped. I think it's the best hope we have anyway."

"Y-yeah. I will, then." Harry raked his hand through his hair. "Go on then. Kreacher, help me get this letter to Severus. The rest of you get moving. We don't have much time."

His family nodded and left for their various tasks. After they had gone, Harry led Xerides to the gates and took his hands. 

"You're going to be more vulnerable than they are, at least until tonight." He slit his wrist and held it out to the stunned elf. "Please. I need to know my family, at least, will be safe."

Xerides ducked his head and pressed his lips to Harry's wrist.

_'What?'Why like this?'_

Harry gasped at the brush of a soft, hot tongue against his skin. It didn't hurt. Oh. Sweet Merlin, no, pain was the furthest thing from his mind at that moment. Heat and water burst to life in his veins and electricity surged in his chest. Another brush made his skin flush and his pulse race. _Gods_. Xerides sucked his skin, just a little, and Harry whimpered at the heat. 

Bloody hell. Shouldn't it have hurt?

Xerides came up, lips red, and a pink tongue licked the residue away. Harry squirmed. Merlin. He had expected Xerides to take a few drops from the air or wipe a stream onto his fingertip, not drink directly from his wrist. Harry couldn't deny it left him panting and molten inside either.

Shite. This… he couldn't. It wasn't fair to Severus. Even if Severus might never accept him, Harry couldn't do this.

Xerides had to know that, right? He had grown up with Helios. Surely he understood the mate bond?

No. Xerides wouldn't hurt him like that. It couldn't be what Harry had thought.

Could it?

Xerides whispered a healing charm and kissed another drop of blood away from Harry's skin. Oh _ hell_. Maybe there _ was _ more going on here than a ritual to keep his friend alive. 

Gods, he hoped not. Harry wasn't free to be _ in _love with Xerides, but he loved the night elf dearly anyway. In some ways, he had grown closer to him than even Ron or Hermione. Perhaps because Harry's childhood friends were now spending more time together and less tagging along at his side, Xerides had filled the void left behind. Harry adored him, and the idea of breaking his heart sickened him to his core.

"X-Xeri?"

Xerides released him, face flushed and ears fanned back. "Somehow, it is even sweeter from the source."

Harry gave him an uncertain smile. "I'm almost jealous. Are you okay? Did it help at all?"

"I feel much stronger. Thank you for your gift. I…." He backed away and gave Harry a tear-edged smile. "Thank you."

Harry nodded. "Come home safe, all right?"

Xerides' cheeks darkened again. "Yes. Now, go and warn your mate while there is still time."

Harry sighed inwardly, almost weak at the power of his relief. Oh, thank _ Merlin_. Xerides _ did _ know and wasn't attempting to supplant Severus. Not that he could, but the elf's acceptance of the situation reassured Harry that he had nothing to worry over. 

The sudden surge of desire must have been a side effect of drinking directly from him, a bit like the allure vampires held over their bonded mates, but in reverse. Or something along those lines, anyway.

It was all right. Xerides would be okay, and so would Harry and Severus.

Assuming they all survived the night, anyway.

"Right. Be careful out there, Xeri."

Xerides gave him a grim nod. "Hurry and warn Severus before he leaves his quarters."

"Yeah, will do. Thanks!"

With a quick hug and a farewell, Harry rushed back into the house, summoning a quill along the way.

* * *

Xerides watched Harry leave, head still spinning. The instant Harry had offered him his blood, Xerides had acted on instinct and drank. And the instant he heard Harry's gasp and sensed the pulse beneath his tongue quicken, his entire world had tilted. He knew, at last, what those strange feelings were whenever Harry touched him. 

Xerides was in love with him. After two and a half millennia without a mate, he had finally found someone who spoke to his heart.

He turned away from the house with a shiver. No. It couldn't be. Perhaps, after Harry had won his destined mate, they could work something out then, but for now, Xerides couldn't allow such emotions to interfere. They had a war to fight, and Harry's mate had to be his first concern. Harry needed Severus, and, whether he knew it or not, Severus needed Harry. Regardless of his heart, Xerides would have to focus on helping his friend win the love of his core match and anchor before they could begin to worry about where _ he _fit into the arrangement.

If he fit at all.

With a sigh, Xerides promised the star-crossed pair that he would help and protect them, whether he ever had a place with them or not, and held out his hand to Fawkes.

"I know where we might find a healthy crop of wild goldenvine, if you do not mind giving me a lift?"

Fawkes presented his tail feathers, and they were off.


	35. Battle Preparations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You had to know it wouldn't be _that_ easy. 😅
> 
> Also, tomorrow is my little man's first day of preschool. I am in maximum mom mode right now, lol. There may be tears in the morning. 😂😭

#  **Chapter 35**

##  _ Battle Preparations _

Severus woke at the sound of a low voice calling his name. A house elf stood at the foot of his bed, dressed in neat trousers, pointed black shoes, and a suit vest and dress shirt like Severus himself wore under his robes. A free elf? He looked familiar, but Severus couldn't place him.

By the light pouring through his windows, the sun had just risen. Damn. He was running late then.

"Thank you for waking me," Severus muttered. "Please leave now so I may dress."

The elf held out a piece of parchment. "Master is asking me to give this to you first. It is urgent."

Severus blinked. "Master? You are not free?"

"A house elf may wear clothing we is making ourselves. Master is kind enough to listen and learn." He held out the parchment again. "He is leaving a message for you."

Severus held the blanket high as he reached out for the parchment. The elf's ears dropped back.

"You is scared. Kreacher is leaving this here where you can be taking it after Kreacher is gone."

_ 'Kreacher? That nasty little demon from Grimmauld Place? That means the parchment is from…." _

Severus called, "Wait!" 

The elf had already gone. On Severus' bed, he had left the parchment and a strange, opalescent potion Severus had never seen before. What in Merlin's name?

He grabbed the parchment and set the phial aside. No way in hell would he be taking that until he knew what it was.

> _ Professor, _
> 
> _ The last obstacle has been defeated. Our side is aware. The battle begins tonight, and all of our forces will be prepared. Please neutralise as many threats as you safely can and ensure the students are evacuated before moonrise. At least those under sixteen among them. _
> 
> _ The potion is a unique healing remedy my bookish friend and I developed. Yes, me. I promise it won't poison you. I'm fairly sure it couldn't poison you if it tried. It has willingly-given unicorn blood in it— _

Severus dropped the parchment with a gasp of shock. _ Willingly-given _ ? How the bloody hell…? First holy fire, then _ this _? What in Merlin's name had Harry been up to over the past year?

With shaking hands, Severus picked up the parchment again and continued reading.

> _ Yes, you read that correctly. A unicorn and her twin foals visited us this morning. That potion is part of the result. Everyone on our side, or at least as many as we can, will receive a phial as well. It will protect you and extend your life, though it isn't proof against everything. It will at least help. _
> 
> _ Please, take it. I know you have no reason to trust me, but I do care about you. You deserve to live, sir. Please take it, and promise me you'll survive. _
> 
> _ —H. _

Severus blinked tears down his face and sat on the bed. No. This _ couldn't _ be real. Harry couldn't care this much. No one but Hippa had ever cared like this.

And… wait. House elves… Kreacher was Harry's elf, wasn't he?

Severus went rigid as all the pieces came together. How Harry had avoided capture and evaded Severus at every turn. The strange help and care from a house elf who refused to show itself. An elf other than Hippa.

All along, it had been Harry's little spy, hadn't it?

Fury raged through him. Fuck, he had been such a fool. Of course no Potter would believe in him, not without taking the truth for themselves.

Severus scratched a reply in scathing red ink. 

> _ 'Go to hell, Potter, and take your pet spy with you.' _

He picked up the potion with intent to throw it against the wall, but paused. If this truly had unicorn blood….

A few shaky sentences had formed on the parchment, and more came after as he read the first.

> _ 'I sent Kreacher for two purposes only: to keep you alive and to determine if we could trust you. I never allowed him in your personal quarters unless you were in dire need of help. He never stayed in the same room when you were mourning or otherwise expressing personal things I shouldn't hear. He guards your privacy as best as he can given the situation. _
> 
> _ 'I know it's still a breach, and I am sorry for that, but letting you die or face this war alone isn't an option I'm willing to embrace. _
> 
> _ 'Maybe it wasn't fair of me. Maybe it was wrong. I honestly don't know, but even if you hate me for it, sir, even if you never forgive me, I will _ never _ regret keeping you safe. I will never regret protecting you. _
> 
> _ 'Loathe me if you want. It changes nothing of my own loyalty. I can live with your hatred as long as you survive. And either way, Professor, please take that potion. You're in as much danger as I am, and I need you to live. Please.' _

Tears blurring his vision, Severus scoffed and thought to burn the parchment, too, but he paused when an idea occurred to him. _ He _couldn't take that potion. He knew full well he had to die that night—and gods knew he was ready for it, too—for Riddle to believe he had control of the Elder Wand, but Minerva… she might survive, as well as the innocents, if Severus gave her the first part of this letter and the potion. It would provide the perfect excuse to warn the school about the coming attack without ever giving away who had originally received the note or who had delivered it to Minerva.

Assuming that potion could be trusted, at any rate.

Severus scanned the potion and set the list his spell generated aside. Then, he used a complex charm to borrow the magical signature on the letter, used that to duplicate the parts he needed, leaving out the postscripts and any reference to himself, and used a bit of spellotape to attach the potion to the parchment, much like a student might do.

He watched the original letter vanish, but not his altered copy, and smirked. "Didn't think to ward your notes against duplication, did you, boy?" 

With a sneer, he turned back to his copied letter. He couldn't help running a fingertip down the potion with a shudder of regret.

Lying little spy or not, Potter had cared about him enough to give him this. Perhaps, he was the only person to ever truly care.

_ 'Gryffindors don't do things like that, Severus! Stop lying!' _

He had never lied to Lily, but she hadn't had enough faith in him to believe him worth saving regardless. Her son, however….

Severus closed his eyes on a fierce ache. It didn't matter any longer. He couldn't survive. He couldn't use this potion.

He didn't even want to.

He buried his pain under miles of Occlumency shields and checked the potion results.

> _ Ingredients: _
> 
> _ Holy blood, willingly given _
> 
> _ Holy blood, willingly given _
> 
> _ Holy tears, willingly given _
> 
> _ Phoenix tears, willingly given _
> 
> _ Echinacea _
> 
> _ Dittany _
> 
> _ Horklump juice _

Severus continued reading the list with wide eyes. _ Two _ doses of holy blood? Holy tears _ and _phoenix tears? Merlin. He had no idea how Harry had gotten his hands on half of those ingredients, but that the potion would heal regardless of preparation methods was clear enough. It might keep Minerva alive, at any rate.

"Hippa."

The little elf appeared wearing a black dress with the Hogwarts crest, sensible flats, black stockings, and a grey jacket bordered with rings of fabric in all four house colours.

Apparently the trend of dressing house elves was catching.

"That is a lovely uniform," he said, happy the elf could find some joy in her life, if only a little. 

Hippa beamed. "Hippa is making it herself."

"It suits you."

She bowed and wiped tears away. If Severus had been dressed, she would have hugged him, but this little elf knew him too well to touch him otherwise.

"Master is so kind."

Severus bowed his head. "Please take this to Minerva. Do not tell her I sent it. Do not let yourself be seen at all." 

He paused. "And, Hippa, please warn your people that war is coming to the castle tonight. Get them to safety, when the time comes, and tonight… I want you to protect the students. _ Not me_."

Hippa's ears drooped. "But, Master Severus—"

"Please, Hippa. They need you more. If you must protect me then…." He rubbed his chin. "Make it impossible for other house elves to find me. It might help, a little."

He hoped she would forgive him that white lie eventually.

Hippa hesitated. "Master is certain?"

"Yes. I have tasks I must complete alone, Hippa, and the students need all the help they can get."

Hippa sniffled. "Hippa is doing as Master asks, but, please. Be careful, Master Severus."

He knelt and gave her a hug. "Thank you. You are the one true friend I have ever known."

She hugged him back. "Hippa is always being Master's friend… right?"

"Yes." Until he drew his last breath. "Go now, Hippa. Please. Time is short."

Hippa wiped her eyes, bowed, and popped away with Harry's altered letter. He stared after her, heart aching.

_ 'Forgive me, my friend. That is one promise I cannot give.' _

He pulled his wits around him like a cloak. Neutralise the threats, hmm? Well, he knew of two in particular he had been itching to 'sack' for months.

It was time to put his stealth training to good use.

He summoned his clothes and a couple of lethal poisons, disillusioned himself, and left his quarters.

_ 'Ready or not, Alecto, here I come.' _

* * *

Harry gathered his closest friends from the DA, those he trusted with his life, and took them back into the Room of Requirement, into the room of endless junk. "We're looking for a tarnished silver and sapphire tiara on top of a bust of an old warlock, but wait before you head out."

He took a deep breath. "I know you lot are wondering why I left last year. The truth is I had a secret that would have gotten me killed if anyone had known, and Malfoy was trying to break into my mind. I had no choice but to leave to protect us all, but now the time has come to let you all in on it."

He held the confused, anxious gazes of his friends. Dean. Neville. Seamus. Luna. Ginny and Michael, too, but they already knew. Ron and Hermione flanked Harry. Xerides hadn't sent Fawkes yet, but then, they still had an hour to go before nightfall. The síoda were about, too, preparing for battle. Only Severus was missing, but Harry didn't dare seek him out yet. Not with the entire castle believing him to be a traitor. 

His army was all here. All who could be, at any rate.

"Right. So this is why I left. _ Revertis_!"

His glamours dropped, revealing his wings and golden eyes. Seamus cursed. Dean gasped. Luna beamed. Neville dropped to his knees.

Harry hoisted Neville to his feet. "Oi, none of that. I'm still one of you."

"Okay, _ now _I think I might be gay," Dean said with a laugh. "At least a little. Merlin, Harry. You're bloody beautiful."

Harry flushed crimson. "Er… thanks?"

"You look just like a crimson crumdinger," said Luna with a bright smile. "There's magic in their feathers, you know. Just one can turn the happiest person into a complete grump."

"Well, that explains Snape, then," said Ginny with a snort. "He must have a whole wing shoved up his arse."

The tension broke, and the group laughed. If Harry, Hermione, and Ron didn't join in, no one noticed. Well, except Luna. The smile she gave Harry had an edge of both sadness and reassurance.

Bloody hell. She couldn't _ know_, could she?

Harry shook off his worries and focused on the task at hand. If Luna did know, somehow, she would never betray him, and if she didn't, there was no use getting het up over nothing.

"Well, here's the thing, you lot." He unbuttoned his sleeve as he talked. "I'm a sunguard, and my race's blood is literal life and light. What's more, a unicorn gave me her blood willingly this morning, so, long story short—_Diffindo Minimus_—my blood can help keep you all alive."

He drained a few drops into a small bowl and handed it to Ginny. "Drink. I know it sounds disgusting, but it's not, and it'll keep you safe." He handed another bowl to Michael, then Dean, then Neville, and paused as he realised none of them had touched theirs.

"For Merlin's sake," Ron said with a huff. "It's just blood."

He grabbed Harry's wrist and licked a trail of crimson away. Harry grimaced. It certainly had felt different when Xerides had kissed the blood from his arm, but this wasn't the time to worry about it.

"Just drink the damn blood and get over it," Ron said. "Trust me, there are far worse things in potions."

As Harry healed the first cut and made a new one for the others, Ginny shrugged and downed hers. She blinked and stared at the red-tinged bowl. 

"How in Merlin's name does your blood taste of strawberries?"

Harry shrugged. "Ron says it tastes of cherries. 'Mione, oranges. Xe… another friend swears it's like honeysuckle nectar. I have no idea, but I promise it works."

Ginny gave a little shiver. "Merlin, so it does. I feel a million times stronger." She grinned. "Open a blood bank for vampires, and you'd make a _ killing_, Harry."

Ron and Harry snorted.

"Apt terminology," Hermione said with a giggle, "but as it would kill Harry, let's just shelve that idea for now."

"Yes, let's," Harry agreed. "And the rest of you, suck it up and drink."

Michael snorted. "More apt terminology. You're like a reverse vampire."

Harry grinned. "Yeah, yeah. Seriously, you lot, buck up. We don't have time to stall. I have to kill this tiara before Riddle shows up, or he'll never die."

At that, the others grimaced and downed their blood offerings, then made varying expressions of shock. 

Seamus licked his bowl. "Mango," he explained with a shrug. "Me favourite, and I never seem to have enough." He shot Harry a playful leer.

"I wouldn't advise stealing it," Harry said dryly. "Riddle did, and look what happened to him."

Seamus grimaced. "Aye, well, I think I'd like to keep me nose and me hair on, if it's all the same to you." His comment set off a round of giggles.

"Right," said Harry. "Time to split up and look. I'm taking to the air, so don't be surprised if you see me fly past. DA, out."

He considered changing the name, but opted to keep it as it still served as a giant two-fingered salute for the Ministry, and they hadn't time for lengthy explanations. He had more important things to worry about anyway. He shot into the air and hovered over the piles of junk, searching for the tiara. After a minute of gaping and admiring his flight, the others split up and started their own search.

Somehow, despite Harry's bird's eye view, Neville found it first.

"Harry, I think I've got it."

The others came rushing after the sound of his voice, mostly reaching Neville at the same time as Harry had been at the opposite end of the hall.

And there it was, the tiara on a chipped bust of an ugly, old warlock. 

"Right. Stand back." Harry called a blast of holy fire and shot it at the diadem… just as another voice came within hearing range.

"The cabinet is this way. We can get out of… what the hell? Fire?"

"Malfoy." Expression grim, Hermione turned to find the new threat. 

The rest of the DA followed her as one and moved into a semicircle around Harry. Harry rushed to reapply his glamours, but not fast enough.

Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle crashed into their clearing and gaped. Malfoy stepped back, eyes panicky, but the gorillas moved in for the attack.

"So _ that's _your big secret?" Crabbe sneered. "You're a bloody bird?"

"Ugly one, too," Goyle added.

Beside them, Malfoy went ashen and scrambled backwards. Of the lot, Harry bet only the pointy-chinned prat knew what Harry's wings and golden eyes meant, but shite, that was bad enough.

"_Expelliarmus_!" The stunned Malfoy's wand sailed into Harry's hand, but the others evaded it. Damn. He'd been hoping to avoid a fight.

"Still up to the same tricks, Potter?" Crabbe leered. "Here, let me show you a new one of mine." He spat some guttural incantation that made Hermione cry out and hiss a rapid summoning charm for brooms.

"Get them _ out_, Harry!"

Black fire with the face of a snarling wolf shot out of Crabbe's wand, heading straight for the still-burning horcrux. Harry yelped in shock as his holy fire shot straight through his chest to combat the demonic flames. It didn't hurt, but it did give Harry some clue as to how bad this was about to get. He was immune to holy fire, but his friends weren't, and that black shite would most definitely burn him.

With a cry, he snatched up Neville and shot as fast as his wings would carry him towards the entrance. Neville shrieked in terror and cursed in three languages, but at least he wasn't dead. 

Ron and Hermione zipped by on a broom as Harry went back for the others, then Ginny and Michael followed on another broom, and Luna shot past on… something. Merlin, was that a flying carpet? Must have been hidden in the junk piles. Leave it to a Ravenclaw to recognise it in an emergency.

Seamus screamed and tried to climb a dresser as the flames licked at his ankles. Harry grabbed him, flew him out, and dropped him, smoking trousers and all, in Hermione's arms.

"Elixir, now!"

He didn't wait to see if she obeyed. He had trained with her enough to know she would.

Dean had climbed up onto a wardrobe to avoid the flames. Crabbe was burning to death, caught in his own curse, just as Bill had warned them Fiendfyre was apt to do. Harry winced and turned away. He could do nothing to save him.

"Come on." He grabbed a sobbing Dean up and shot towards the entrance. 

"That's everyone," Ron panted.

"No, it bloody well isn't!" Harry shot back for the last two living humans in the room. "You know we can't leave them!"

"Damn it, Harry! If we die for the likes of _ Goyle_, I'm going to kill you!"

Harry glanced back to see Ron shooting from his broom and sailing towards him. "Promises, promises." He snatched up a screaming Malfoy and watched as Ron dragged Goyle onto his broom.

"He's dead," Malfoy whimpered. "Dead…."

Harry rubbed his back slightly, all he dared risk. Lucius might be a spy, but no one knew _ Draco's _loyalties. 

"I'm sorry," murmured. "I have you. You're okay." 

Draco buried his face in Harry's shoulder and shuddered.

"That's what happens when you summon ruddy _ Fiendfyre _ in a closed-off space where holy fire is already doing its bit!" Ron shouted at Goyle and dumped him unceremoniously to the floor outside the room. "You're lucky we have Harry and 'Mione, or we'd _ all _be dead. Idiots." 

"Enough, Ron." Harry set Malfoy down with more gentleness. "That's it. I can't get Crabbe out of that blaze."

"Don't you dare try." Hermione shut the door to the Room of Requirement just as a burst of holy fire shaped like a phoenix obliterated a Voldemort-shaped blast of black flames heading for the door. The door vanished just in time.

"Fuck," she gasped, startling the nearby Gryffindors."_ What_? That was ruddy terrifying! Can't a girl curse when she escapes her doom by mere _ milliseconds_?"

Ron grinned and draped his arm around her shoulders. "That's my girl." 

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Git." She knelt over Seamus and winced. "Harry, the potion wasn't enough. He's still burned."

"Shite." Harry knelt over his friend, slit his wrist, and held it to his face. "Go on, then."

Seamus didn't protest. Harry squirmed at the odd feeling of his tongue on his skin, but shoved his discomfort behind his Occlumency shields anyway and summoned some tears for his friend. Listening to Malfoy and Dean cry in fear and horror over what they had witnessed made them come fast. He pulled back from Seamus and dropped his tears over the skin where it was still burned. The wounds sealed and the charred flesh regrew, pink and tender, but perfectly healed.

"Thank Merlin." Harry grabbed Dean into a hug and dropped tears on his head. "He's okay. Seamus will be okay."

Dean shuddered. "Crabbe… the fire… _ ate _him, Harry. Just… swallowed him whole."

"Dear fucking gods." Harry went to Malfoy and rubbed tears on his wet cheek. "They heal. Ssh."

Malfoy whimpered and covered his face in his hands. Luna brought him into her arms. 

Harry flung a few tears at Goyle, too. Malfoy hadn't been trying to attack, but Goyle was still very much an enemy. Still, Harry couldn't listen to him sob his heart out and not be affected

Even if it _ was _his own fault.

Luna petted Malfoy's hair. "You had no idea we were here, did you?"

"N-no. I-I was just trying to get them out."

Harry restored his glamours and gave Malfoy a searching look. Hmm. No, by his behaviour, he doubted Malfoy was loyal. Still, it was as much for his safety as Harry's own that he couldn't reveal the truth. 

Riddle would kill the boy if he saw Malfoy standing by in horror as his horcrux went up in flames, after all.

Harry aimed his wand at Goyle and Malfoy. "_Obliviate_. Crabbe set the Room on fire and killed himself by his own curse. We saved you on brooms. You know nothing else. You saw nothing else. You're just on your way to lock yourselves up with the other traitors so you don't die." He grabbed Malfoy and whispered, "There's a secret tunnel to Hogsmeade behind the one-eyed witch on the third floor. Password is _ Dissendium_. Be careful. Pettigrew knows about it."

Malfoy shuddered. "Tunnel…?"

"Yes. If you want out, go. Quickly. But do it alone and under disillusionment charms. Goyle will be safe in the dungeons. You might not." He gave the boy his wand back. "Hurry."

"Y-yeah."

Harry watched Malfoy lead Goyle away and huffed. "Damn. A nightmare of a battle already, and the bastard isn't even _ here _ yet."

"Yeah, that was utterly horrific," Ron agreed with a shudder.

Harry went to Seamus, who was leaning on Dean's shoulders and testing his legs. "You two get to the Infirmary. Ginny, Michael, go with them to make sure they get there safely. Neville, Luna, come here."

His friends obeyed.

"Nev, Luna," Harry whispered, "you saw that tiara, right? What was inside it?"

Neville shuddered. "Yeah. You-Know-Who bits."

"Close enough. He put bits of himself in his pet snake, too. Spread it around the DA and Order, we have to kill the ruddy snake before I can kill Riddle. Let them know he'll be here soon if he's not already."

Neville nodded. "On my way. Where are you lot going?"

"To secure the secret passages. Be careful."

"Same to you."

Luna murmured, "No need to watch out for the Carrows, Harry. The headmaster already finished them off."

Neville whirled around and gaped at her. "He… _ what_?"

"Severus is innocent, Nev," Harry said with a shake of his head. "I don't have time to talk about it, though."

"I'll explain," said Luna with a smile.

"Just be careful no one outside of our trust hears," Hermione warned her. "If it gets back to Riddle…."

"Yes. I will keep all three eyes open."

Ron blinked. "Er… that's… good?"

Harry snorted. "You do that, Luna. Good luck, both of you."

"Um… yeah, good luck." Neville led Luna away, hissing under his breath. "_Innocent_? How does _ that _follow?"

Harry left the explanations up to Luna and led his friends away. They had no time to waste. Goyle would report the attack to his master as soon as the haze of _ Obliviation _ wore off, if he hadn't done already. Merlin, he hoped Malfoy could get out of the castle before this horror of a night got any worse.

Either way, Harry couldn't dally. Time was almost up.

"Let's go."

Harry turned towards the staircases, his friends on his heels.


	36. Casualties of War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING**: This chapter is _intense_. First, the boys are in the middle of a war, so death and graphic injuries abound. But also, one of them is damn near raped. So... yeah. Strap in, kiddos. This one is a wild ride.
> 
> Elvish: nuróda. Curse word for a vile arsehole, if context didn't make it obvious. Also, Xeri swears a bit more in this one, and remember he's from ancient Greece, so he swears mostly by the Greek pantheon (also Roman sometimes, too, as he lived through that era as well).
> 
> AN: my little man seems to be doing well in school so far! Yay!

#  **Chapter 36**

##  _ Casualties of War _

The battle had begun. Harry fought beside what remnants of his loved ones he had been able to find and searched for his mate. The twins walked ahead of them, lobbing battle-ready pranks into the crowd, and his faithful 'sidekicks' flanked him, as always. Dobby and Winky had joined the síoda battalion. Xerides fought the battle on the fringes, making good use of his archery skills and searching for Harry's mate. Kreacher was searching for Severus, too. 

Damn it. Why had Severus decided to hide himself _ now_? He had made himself more difficult to track after working out Harry's house elf secrets, but Harry couldn't let him stay hidden. Everyone's lives depended on his safety.

Percy came out of nowhere and joined their group. Harry was happy to see him, but he only listened to the brothers' reunion with one ear. Where the hell was Severus?

"Did you just make a joke, Percy? I can't believe it. You…."

Harry gasped as a wave of dark magic entered his sensory range, careening towards them at a lethal pace.

"DOWN!"

Everyone dropped, but Fred, caught mid-sentence and off-guard, hadn't been fast enough to avoid the blast of stone and fire that burst from the wall just ahead.

"_Fred_!"

George's sharp cries blended with the ringing in Harry's ears and a tingling numbness in his head, but he forced himself to react. Fred lay, eyes glassy and neck bent at an unnatural angle, at a screaming George's feet. 

Harry didn't need to conjure tears for this. Was he already dead? Oh, gods, Harry had no idea if his blood was powerful enough to save him now, but, _ fuck_, he had to try. 

"_Diffindo_!" Harry opened a deep cut down the length of his arm and poured his blood over Fred's neck. He spelled some into the man's stomach, too, terrified moving even his jaw would finish him off.

Percy cried, "Harry! What the _ hell _are you doing?"

Hermione tugged Percy back, her face shiny with tears. "T-trying to save his life. It might be… I don't know if even Harry can save him, but he's his only chance right now."

Percy choked out, "But his neck…."

"We know," Ron sobbed. "Oh, gods, Harry, please, please let it be enough."

Harry sealed his wound at a sharp wave of dizziness and summoned a blood replenisher. He couldn't spare any more until the potion did its work, but, Merlin, he hoped what he had been able to give would be enough.

A small movement registered below him. Fred's head had eased back into its rightful place. The man made a breathy whine and his eyes blinked, and Harry cried out in relief.

"He's alive! Gods help me, he's _ alive_!"

Ron caught Harry into a tearful embrace and kissed his cheek. "You saved him. Fuck, you saved him."

Harry wept, too, but he kept enough presence of mind to shield them and stop George when he went to hug his twin.

"_Don't_!" Harry's sharp cry stopped George cold. "Don't move him. I've healed him, but his neck is most likely still in a fragile state. Move him, and he might die. _ Immobulus!_" He conjured a stretcher and strapped Fred to it, taking great care not to move his spinal column at all. "_Wingardium Leviosa_! Winky!"

His house elf appeared, dressed for battle and a little worse for wear, but healthy. "Please take Fred and George to the Infirmary. Be _ extremely _ careful not to alter Fred's position at all and warn Madam Pomfrey or whatever healer tends him that his neck was broken before they treat him."

Winky winced. "Winky will do as master says." Fred, George, and Winky vanished.

"Are the rest of you all right to go on?" Harry pulled Ron to his feet. "Do you need to go?"

Ron wiped his face. "Don't be a sod. George is with him. You need me more."

"Thanks, mate."

"Always."

Percy said in an unsteady voice, "W-would someone please explain what the _ hell _just happened?"

Hermione grabbed his arm. "On the way. We have to find Harry's mate, but you can come along, as long as you promise never to tell anyone outside of our family group what you're about to hear."

Percy gave her a vow, and Harry led them on through the rubble, this time with both eyes on the battlefield.

* * *

Severus had done all he could to make the last battle more difficult for the dark lord while he had the chance. The Carrows were dead. The house elves either helping in the Infirmary, defending the soldiers, battling the dark, or holding the wards. The younger students had been evacuated to Beauxbatons or sent home. Harry and Neville's defence group had turned into warriors and, along with the Order, they had entered the fray and driven the enemy into a temporary armistice.

Severus had done what he could to aid them from the shadows. Now, he had only to find Potter and wait to be struck down. He hoped, at least, that his death would be quick.

He leaned against a tree for a moment, watching the Whomping Willow beat the air just ahead. Hadn't he already done this once, all those years ago? If he closed his eyes, he saw the ghosts of that dark day as clear as they had been twenty years ago.

> _ A scrawny, miserable, wraith of a boy staggered past, all stringy hair and tears. He had stopped caring about his appearance long ago, and some part of him had hoped that making himself ugly would turn their attentions elsewhere. It hadn't worked. Nothing had. No matter what he did, his abusers followed him. _
> 
> _ Was it his fault? He didn't know. Their accusations and falsehoods twisted his brain into a mess of shame and terror that he was truly becoming what they claimed him to be, until one more moment on this earth was one too many. _
> 
> _ "Don't go down there, traitor! You don't deserve to know!" _
> 
> _ But Black had calculated what words would draw the opposite effect from his victim, and Severus knew it. The Willow's startling stillness made that clear, however crafty Black imagined himself to be. _
> 
> _ Severus didn't stop. _
> 
> _ Black smirked as Severus stumbled into the opened tunnel in the tree roots, the full moon lighting his way. _

Twenty years later, Severus walked the same path, with the light of the moon serving as his only witness. He didn't know if death waited at its terminus or if Potter did, but he knew he would die at some point tonight, and that had dragged his memories out of the past, clawing and screaming their way through his shields. 

If fate had any mercy left for him, it would be the last time.

An all-too-familiar sensation washed over him, and Severus froze. In fear, right? It had to be horror holding him prisoner, not that godsawful spell. Or a flashback. 

Gods help him, let it be another flashback.

A nasally laugh sounded nearby, and Severus' nerve broke. No. _ No_. Oh, Merlin save him, no!

"Miss me, Sevvie?"

The rat stepped out of the willow, and Severus whimpered in sheer terror. His limbs refused to move. He couldn't escape, or fight, or kill the rat bastard.

_ Fuck! _This wasn't supposed to happen again! Not this close to the end, not ever! Albus had stopped it!

But Albus was dead now, wasn't he? Without his life and core to sustain his spells, Albus' magic could hold neither Severus nor his abusers prisoner any longer.

Pettigrew gave a whuffing sort of snicker that made Severus' blood congeal. "You did good keeping me away as long as you have, but you see I got there in the end, didn't I?"

Severus' heart pounded like a timpani in his ears. His fingers struggled to claw through his bonds and close on his wand, but even with twenty years of experience on his teen self, he still couldn't break through that horrific spell.

Only Pettigrew could release him now, and the rat wouldn't set him free until he had good and finished with Severus, and who knew when that might be? Maybe never, now that he had no reason to pretend.

Tears poured down his face, and Severus was too fucking terrified to care.

"Wondering how I found you?" Pettigrew gave that nasally laugh that still made Severus want to vomit. "That handy little tracking charm I put on you at the last rally served me well. You didn't even feel it."

Not over the pain of ten rounds of the _ Cruciatus_, no.

A stubby hand traced down his back, and Severus screamed. It broke his glamours, too, but fuck if he cared. Let the light kill him. Anything to break out of this horror before he suffered again.

"Scream all you want. No one is near us. _ Homenum Revelio_!" No lights showed, not even in the distance, and Severus whimpered in horror. 

_ 'Oh gods. Someone. Please!' _

"I've been waiting to seal my revenge. A nice long time, but it will be worth it, won't it, Sevvie?" The rat whispered against his ear, and Severus fought furiously to jerk away.

His muscles stayed frozen.

Pettigrew snickered. "Now, no one will stop me. Ever."

"_Help me_!" Severus screamed with all his power, all semblance of dignity tossed aside in his desperation, and prayed, for once in his life, that someone, anyone, would hear. 

And that someone would _care_.

* * *

Xerides heard a masculine scream of sheer, unadulterated terror, and his blood congealed in his veins. Fates, someone was in dire trouble. Someone who sounded _ familiar_. Oh, gods, no!

"_Help me_!"

He dashed to the source of the sound, keeping to the shadows, and his heart nearly stopped at the scene he stumbled upon.

Harry's mate stood frozen, tears raining down his face, eyes wide and darting about wildly. Worse, a man Xerides knew from Harry's memories was touching Severus' back and terrifying him. 

Then, the rat voiced a threat that made bile rise in Xerides' throat.

"You're going to be my little toy forever…."

Oh, _ fuck_, no. Over Xerides' dead body.

He raced between the willow's boughs—the tree would not hurt what it recognised as a friend of nature—and positioned himself behind Severus' attacker.

"Now, be a good little boy and bend over for me, Sevvie."

The rat pushed Severus forwards at the neck, and Severus could do nothing but shudder and cry out. The foul rat must have had some kind of paralysis charm on him. 

Dear gods, no. Xerides couldn't let _ this _atrocity happen. 

He placed a poisoned arrow to the string and took aim. Pettigrew reached for a sobbing Severus' robes.

_ 'To Hades with you, nuróda!' _ Xerides let his arrow fly. He guided its path with the winds and watched it hit home.

Pettigrew dropped, writhing in shock and anguish as Xerides' poisons stilled his heart. Death came with far more speed than the rat deserved.

As soon as Pettigrew's movements faded to the twitches of poison-induced rigor mortis, Severus dropped to his knees in gasping, shuddering sobs. Xerides guarded him, but did not dare approach. The sight of a night elf helping him would only terrify Severus more, much as it broke the elf's heart to be so helpless.

After a few moments, Severus collected himself and wiped his face with shaking hands. 

"Oh, gods. _ Gods_. Too f-fucking close."

Xerides shuddered_ . 'Yes, by the fates, yes it was. Thank Zeus I was within range.' _

Severus dragged himself to his knees and leaned against a nearby maple tree, struggling to get his bearings. "What… how?" He turned and set eyes on the stiff corpse. "An arrow? Merlin, straight to the heart? Shite. And…." He sniffed. "Linnato seed oil?"

Xerides' breath caught. How in the name of Artemis had he recognised it? Linnato had no smell. It was why his kind used it. Lethal, untraceable, undetectable.

To everyone but this man, apparently.

"That is an elven poison," Severus muttered. "What the fuck just happened here?"

He glanced around, and Xerides hurried to shut his glowing eyes, but not fast enough. Severus caught a glimpse, and at this range, Xerides' night aura wouldn't blend with the backdrop of a starry sky.

Severus gasped. "Oh, gods… no, I-I must be going mad." 

He gave a whimper, and the sound of his footsteps came rapidly closer. Xerides dashed out of the way just in time to avoid the panicking man. Fates, that was too close.

Xerides watched the Willow's branches stop fighting and a tunnel open at its roots. He guarded Severus until he disappeared from view and waited until the tunnel closed behind him. 

"Fawkes. Bring your sunguard and his companions here straight away, please."

The phoenix trilled and vanished in a blast of fire. Xerides incinerated the rat's corpse while he waited.

"Good riddance, foul beast."

* * *

Severus raced down the tunnel to the Shrieking Shack, half hoping the werewolf would meet him at the end of it. 

Oh, gods. Pettigrew had tried to rape him, right there on the battlefield. _ Fuck_. Only the kindness of his unknown benefactor had spared him.

It couldn't have been a night elf, could it? All known literature painted them as rabid beasts.

Then again, it said the same for werewolves, and Lupin hadn't been all bad, had he? And a human couldn't possibly have saved him. Pettigrew's spell would have revealed any humans in range, certainly one within range of a longbow.

Merlin. What the _ hell _had happened back there?

Severus didn't check his pace until he made it into the Shack. It was empty. He sank onto the tatty bed and buried his head in his hands. Gods, he had come so close. He couldn't help a few tears of grief and sheer emotional release. 

It was over now. For better or worse, all his tormentors save one were dead, and Potter would soon pave the way for that one's death, too. 

Perhaps because his memories hovered so close, Severus could not help a strong flinch and a little cry of dismay at the sound of the dark lord's voice calling his name. 

He pulled himself together by sheer force of will and slammed his mental shields into place with all the power of his fear, a formidable defence indeed. Riddle entered the room, his snake floating behind him in a protective golden bubble, and paused at the doorway.

"What troubles you, Severus? Are you not pleased that our enemies will fall this night?"

_ 'Mine, at least.' _He hid the thought behind steel trap walls and stood, wiping his face.

The time had come to put on a show. Thank Merlin, it would be the last time he ever had to play the fool, but, gods, he hoped he could stall the bastard for time. He couldn't die yet, not until Potter knew the truth.

"Forgive me, my lord. Pettigrew ambushed me outside the tunnel and thought, without your lordship's ever-present watchfulness, it was an opportune moment to renew his assaults upon my person which were so frequent in my youth. I am afraid I was rather shaken."

Voldemort nodded, expression full of false sympathy. "I see. I do hope you put him in his place."

Severus' face tightened with true fury. _ 'How dare you?' _

He somehow managed to pass his anger off as vindication, but doubted the arsehole had been entirely fooled.

It didn't matter. The curtain call had come. Severus' blood calmed at the sheer relief that this grand stage play of horror had nearly reached its end. He only had to delay his death one last time, and then this parody of suffering would all be over.

"He will do no more harm."

Voldemort nodded. "A fitting fate for one so disloyal."

_ 'If you only knew.' _

Severus concealed his morbid amusement behind his mental shields and set the stage for his final performance. "If my lord permits, I shall seek out the boy for you, and you may avenge the loss of your servant upon his person, as well as his myriad greater sins."

Merlin, he hoped it would be enough to distract the bastard from his wand problem.

_ 'Hurry it up, Potter. Time is running out.' _

For both of them.


	37. A Bond of Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry to the rescue! Also, minor character death. Canonical, sort of. And a watercolor of Sev and Harry!

#  **Chapter 37**

##  _ A Bond of Trust _

Harry wept with Remus over Tonks' still form. Merlin forgive him, he had done everything he could to save her, but he had simply come too late. Remus had barely survived as it was.

"Dora," Remus cried out in agony, rocking his dead wife's body against his chest. "Oh gods, _ Dora_! Come back! I can't do this without you."

Harry sobbed on Remus' shoulder. "I'm sorry. I'm so bloody sorry."

Remus caught him into a desperate hug. "You aren't to blame, cub. We did everything we could. It just… gods, it hurts to lose her. And how do I go on alone?"

Ron knelt before him and took Remus' shoulders. "Listen, you're _ not _alone. You've got us. I know it's not the same, but you're not without help. And Teddy needs his dad. So you've got to go on. You've got to hold on for his sake. We're all right behind you."

Remus shuddered and nodded. "R-right. Teddy. I can't leave him alone."

"That's it." Ron squeezed his shoulders. "You hold on to your baby right now, love on him and know you still have something beautiful to keep fighting for, even when it hurts."

Hermione sobbed, "Oh, Ron…."

Harry grabbed his friend's hand. "Thank you," he choked out, unable to find words beyond a simple expression of gratitude. 

Ron just brought Harry and Remus both into his arms, Tonks' still form cradled between them.

Thank Merlin the supreme bastard had called for an armistice. Harry and his friends would have been sitting ducks out here, lost in grief, but he couldn't stop crying.

The sound of phoenix apparition, however, brought him out of grief and into panic in a hurry. "Fawkes? Is Xeri…?"

The phoenix gave a low trill and wriggled his tail feathers.

"Shite," Ron breathed. "Harry…."

"I know." Harry wiped his face and dropped his tears on Remus' head. It wouldn't heal him entirely, but it might help him face his future as a widower and a single father a bit easier.

"Percy, we have to—take care of him, please."

Percy gave him a sorrowful nod. "I'll keep him safe."

Harry squeezed his arm. "Thank you. I… Ron, 'Mione, let's go."

Ron hugged his brother and took Harry's hand. Hermione took Ron's, and once Harry had a firm grip, he grabbed Fawkes' tail.

The phoenix dropped them outside the Whomping Willow, where a grave Xerides stood with his bow in hand.

"Xeri!" Harry rushed to him and grabbed his wrists. "Are you okay?"

Xerides shuddered. "I am uninjured, but your mate is not. He was nearly… nearly assaulted outside the tree's reach. I killed the monster responsible—the rat—but Severus has run down this tunnel like a man out of his head with terror, and I fear what will become of him if we are not swift to act."

Harry gasped. "Oh, gods! Come on. _ Lumos_!" 

He pressed the knot in the willow and guided his friends into the tunnel at a run, but something about the elf's story didn't sit well with him. "Wait a minute. Pettigrew—the biggest coward in the death eaters' ranks—attacked _ Severus_, and _ you _had to kill the rat bastard? And Severus ran off like a bat out of hell? That… doesn't seem right. Why didn't Severus just kill Pettigrew himself?"

"Harry, Severus was petrified. And I did not say Pettigrew attacked him with intent to kill, I said he _ assaulted _ Severus, or would have if I had not killed him first."

Harry skidded to a halt, horror crashing through his veins. On either side, Ron and Hermione did, too.

"Oh my gods," Hermione breathed. "Xeri, what _ kind _of assault?"

Xerides gave Harry a grim look. "Your mate was quite nearly raped, Harry, right here on the battlefield."

"_Fuck_," Harry cried. " _ Severus _!" 

With that, he tore off down the tunnel at top speed. Even Xerides had trouble keeping pace, but as he neared the shack, everyone stopped dead. 

Severus wasn't the only person inside.

"I regret it."

Harry heard sounds of a struggle and raced for the entrance as fast as his legs would go. The icy pain in his heart terrified him. Oh shite, what had happened? 

He stepped into the shack just as the door to Hogsmeade closed behind the evil bastard. Severus lay in the middle of the floor, eyes wide in terror and pain and blood gushing from a hole in his throat. 

Harry gasped, "No," and dashed to his side. "_No_!"

"H-Harry…." Severus could barely whisper. Harry clamped his hand down over the wound and poured tears over him. "No. Don't die on me. You _ can't _die."

Something in Severus' eyes softened. Silvery tears dripped from his eyes and drifted up, mist in the air. "T-take it."

Hermione was already bottling the memories. "Ron! Sunshine Elixir, now!"

Ron tossed her a phial. Harry snatched it out of the air and spelled it right into Severus' stomach. The wound closed, but the ache in Harry's chest didn't fade.

"Fuck, he's still dying. Sir, hold on. You've _ got _ to hold on. _ Diffindo_!" Harry winced at the pain tearing down his arm, but the ice in his chest hurt worse.

Severus muttered, "Look… at… me."

Harry obeyed, though he could barely see through tears. 

Severus' eyes widened. "Sun… angel…."

Oh _ no_. Harry's glamours had fallen. He was running out of time.

"Severus, listen to me. I know it sounds strange, but you have to drink this. My blood. Please."

Harry held his bleeding arm out to the man. Perhaps Severus wasn't entirely coherent, or perhaps, deep down, he trusted Harry more than he was willing to admit, as the next instant, Harry felt a soft tongue lapping at his torn skin and gentle suction on the wound. It should have hurt like hell, but somehow, he only felt warmth and a wave of deep trust and affection surge through him. Maybe the healing properties in his own blood dulled the pain. 

"It's all right now." Harry stroked Severus' gory hair and murmured what reassurance he could offer. "I'm here, love. It's all over now. You're going to be okay."

As Severus drank from him, Harry watched the man's face heal in wonder. The long-since crooked and broken nose realigned itself into its proper shape. Still acquiline, but a healthy form of it. His sallow skin shifted to pale cream, though the dark circles and pallor of dire health did not fade. And his teeth, resting against Harry's skin without biting, shifted and rearranged themselves into their proper positions. The greasy roughness vanished from Severus' hair, too, leaving it sleek and shiny, though still a mess from all the carnage.

Dear gods. Without twenty years of damage on his face, he looked completely different.

Harry stroked the man's face softly. "So lovely. Gods. Have you been hiding under your pain all this time?" He brushed tears away. "No longer. I swear, I'll keep you safe from now on."

Severus whimpered. His body slumped, and his hold on Harry's wrist weakened. 

Harry made a strangled cry of despair and clutched him tight. "No! Stay with me, Severus! Hold on, love. You have to hold on. Please… please don't leave me."

Severus wove his fingers into Harry's hair, sucked once more, and fell unconscious with a groan.

Harry whimpered and sealed his wound. "I… why? Why didn't it work?" Heat began to build under his skin, and terror made the blood underneath turn icy. "Oh, gods, I'm gonna burn!"

Xerides ran past him, silvery phial in hand. He guided the liquid directly into Severus' bloodstream, and Harry understood, at last.

Poison. Severus had been poisoned.

"Shite!" Harry fumbled for another Aurora Antidote, but stopped as the burning in his skin and the ache in his chest abated.

"Oh. Oh, gods. He's going to be okay." Harry buried his face in Severus' chest and wept, careless of the blood soaking his robes. "Don't you ever fucking terrify me like that again, you utter bastard." The sobs on each word lessened their effect.

Hermione wept, too. "So close. Merlin, so close. We would have lost you both. Xeri… oh gods, thank you."

The night elf hugged her and passed her into her ashen boyfriend's arms, then knelt beside Harry and smoothed the Sunguard's hair.

"Ssh. He will live now, Harry. I will watch over him."

Harry shuddered and pulled himself together. "N-no, we need you out there. Kreacher!"

His elf appeared and wailed. "Oh! Kreacher is failing his mission! Oh, Master!"

Harry called, "Kreacher! It's okay. Severus had a close call and terrified us all half out of our wits, but he's alive. I need you to take him to his quarters and watch over him with Hippa, all right? Give him some Aurora General Antidote and the new batch of Sunshine Elixir if he takes a turn, or call me if it gets bad. Just keep him safe, okay?"

Kreacher bowed and wiped his face. "Kreacher and Hippa will be taking good care of him, Master, but Kreacher is thinking you must call her first. Kreacher is not able to find her either."

Harry nodded and restored his glamours. "Hippa?"

The elf appeared with a squeak. Blood streaked one cheek and her blue eyes were wide with horror.

"Oh, Master Harry! You is calling me just in time! Hippa was almost…." Her eyes settled on Severus' limp form, and a wail and a screech escaped her. "No! Master, you is _ lying _to Hippa! You said you is being safe!"

Harry caught the distraught síoda into a hug. "Ssh. He's alive, Hippa. Nagini attacked him, and we almost lost him, but we were able to neutralise the venom and stop the bleeding. He's still in bad shape, but not dying anymore. Will you take care of him for me, please? With Kreacher?"

"Hippa is being glad to help." She hugged Harry. "Thank you, Master."

Harry patted her shoulder. "I'll always protect him." He hesitated. "Hippa, he's… not in a good state mentally. Don't let him hurt himself, please. If he's miserable, I swear, I'll help."

Hippa nodded solemnly. "Hippa promises to keep him safe."

"Thank you. Whenever you're ready, Hippa, Kreacher."

"Wait, síoda," Xerides said, expression grim.

Hippa gasped at the sight of him. "Oh! You is a night elf! You are helping Master Harry?"

Xerides nodded. "I saved Severus tonight, too, from a vicious rat."

Hippa paled. "Pettigrew! Oh no. Hippa could not protect him." Tears flooded her eyes. "You saved him?"

"Yes, but, Hippa, Kreacher, please take great care not to touch Severus without consent. He was nearly raped tonight, and it has no doubt traumatised him. Be gentle."

Kreacher's ears went down to his shoulders. "Sun forbid! Kreacher is being very gentle."

"Thank you, Kreacher." Harry brushed Severus' hair out of his face, but after Xerides' warning, refrained from kissing his forehead as he had wanted to. "Be safe, love."

Hippa breathed in sharply. She gave Harry such a dark look, he faltered. 

"Hippa? I…." 

Well, maybe she simply wanted to protect Severus from advances he couldn't consent to while unconscious. Harry would never hurt him like that, but Hippa didn't know him well enough to be sure of him.

Harry forced himself to move away and crossed his arms over his chest. "O-okay. Get him out of here before anyone else tries to hurt him, please."

"Yes, Master Harry."

Kreacher apparated Severus away. Hippa stared at Harry a while longer, her fierce gaze turning to something like sorrow and pity.

"Hippa will guard him well, Master Harry."

He smiled wanly. "T-thanks, Hippa." 

She bowed and vanished, and Harry buried his face in Xerides' chest. 

"Hurts. Hurts for him and for me."

Xerides held Harry and stroked his hair. "We will heal him. I promise, Harry."

Harry sniffled and gave him a smile full of terrible pain. "If he'll let us."

Xerides nodded sadly. "Somehow, we will find a way. Perhaps our efforts here will have gone some way towards softening his resentment. He did, after all, trust you enough to touch you and drink from your wrist."

Harry sniffled and let the hope of Xerides' words bolster him. "Y-yeah. Yeah, you might be right." He wiped his face and took a shaky breath. "We have to kill the bastard responsible for this before any sort of healing can come regardless."

"You should view these memories first, just in case," said Hermione. "Clearly, he wanted you to see them."

Harry nodded. He took the phial and breathed the mist in, letting Severus' memories play within the shelter of his mind.

* * *

Harry breathed out the foreign memories on a snarl and trapped them within the phial once more. "That evil, manipulative, twisted, utter piece of horse shite!"

Everyone stared.

"Harry?" Hermione hesitated. "I… I thought we had established the headmaster's innocence. Why are you angry at him?"

"Not Severus, _ Dumbledore_! Oh my gods, the lengths that bastard went to, just to make us all his pawns. He _ forced _Severus to spy instead of giving him shelter. He forced him to be silent about something that hurt him terribly, too, for years. It wasn't clear what it was, but that Severus was miserable and betrayed was obvious. And, to top it all off, he wants me to march to my own death tonight, happy as you please, his dear little pet weapon sacrifice for the greater-fucking-good!"

Xerides' arms tightened around him. "No. No, we shan't give you up."

Harry gave him a sad smile. "It's okay. It's not necessary. My holy fire killed the horcrux in my scar already. It's just… the level of callousness as Dumbledore told this to Severus last year was _ appalling_. Severus hated me then, without a doubt, yet_ he _ was the one to take Dumbledore to task. He said Dumbledore had raised me like a pig for the slaughter, and fuck! He was right!" Tears blurred Harry's vision. "He was _right_."

Xerides turned Harry back into his embrace. "We shall set it right, Harry. The man was a demon to have treated you and your mate so badly, but we shall set it right tonight. We shall end this, once and for all. Are you able to go on, for Severus' sake?"

Harry took a deep breath and stood tall, shoulders squared. "Not just Severus. For _ all _of us. So we can live without their poison mucking up our lives."

"That's it," Hermione said with a nod. "We can do this, Harry. I believe in us."

Ron grinned, though blood, ash, and tears stained his cheeks. "This is it, mate. The big one. The one we've all been—"

"Oh, stow it, you." Harry chuckled. "You're right, though. Come on. Let's give 'em hell. For Severus, for Fred, and for Tonks."

Ron's grin turned into a look of resolve. "Damn straight."

* * *

[Watercolor of Harry struggling to save Severus](https://www.flickr.com/photos/141843489@N07/49427149818/in/dateposted/).


	38. The Last Spy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And Lucius is on board now! **Warning:** graphic violence and death in this chapter, and a fair amount of gore. This *is* war, people.
> 
> Edit: also, please stop asking/hinting to alter the relationships. While this book focuses on the relationship between Harry and Severus, this trilogy is a poly story, eventually, and Xeri is crucial to the plot. No, I will not remove him from the triad. If you want a pure Snarry story, read my other works or one of the literal thousands of other stories on AO3 and around the web. This one is a triad, and that will not change. Thank you.

#  **Chapter 38**

##  _ The Last Spy _

With Severus safe in Kreacher's care, Harry gathered his wits and his courage. Now that his one weakness had been secured, it was time to end this mess for good. 

He tugged Xerides into his arms and kissed his cheek, then dropped his invisibility cloak over the elf's head. "Go. Be careful."

Xerides held Harry's cheek, his thumb brushing the ridge. "I will guard you from the shadows. Please, come back safely."

"I'll do my best." Harry squeezed Xerides' other hand and stepped back. "Right. Ron, 'Mione, time to put an end to this."

"We're right beside you," Hermione said with a nod.

"All the way, mate."

The others bid Xerides farewell and good luck, and Harry led them out of the shack, knees wobbly and expression hard. Riddle had gone too fucking far when he attacked Severus. Well, he had done long ago, but this was the last straw.

Harry was done with hiding. 

He led his friends to the front of the forest, well away from innocent bystanders, and readied himself for battle. 

"Ready to break taboo, you lot?"

Hermione and Ron moved into position.

"Let me set up our shields." Hermione begun a string of complex chants Harry couldn't hope to follow. Harry shielded them in his own way by smearing a line of his blood over their foreheads. 

Ron made a face. "Gross, Harry."

"You won't complain if it keeps you alive."

Ron gave him a sheepish grin. "Not sure why I'm bothered. Severus' blood is all over us anyway."

Harry's jaw set. "I'll kill the bastard for it."

"That _ is _what we came for." Hermione finished her casting with a flourish. "There. All set. In position, boys."

Harry took point and waited until Ron called back his readiness to fight. 

"Right. On three then. One… two… three!" Harry sent a huge burst of fire into the air. "_Voldemort_! Come and get me, you ugly arsehole!"

A trio of death eaters materialized out of thin air: Lucius Malfoy, Bellatrix Lestrange, and Tomas Avery, accompanied by Fenrir Greyback, Scabior, and a hodgepodge of other low-ranking death eaters and snatchers. Not an easy fight, but one Harry thought they could win, though they would have to be careful about Lucius. 

Bellatrix cackled. "Well, look what the wolf dragged in! Ickle Harry Potty and hi—"

She got no further. Harry shot a fire curse her way. She barely dodged in time.

"We're not playing games anymore." 

Harry ducked Avery's _ Crucio _ and slashed his legs out from under him with a powerful cutting curse. A stunner put him under. Harry doubted the man would survive the battle, but he would rather him not suffer if he had a choice.

Lucius scrambled back, eyes huge in terror, and fled. Hermione's lightning-quick _ Petrificus _ dropped him before he managed two steps. Harry put an invisible shield over him. Damned if he would let the man be hurt. He wanted answers, but Malfoy had to be alive to give them, and Harry hadn't forgotten what he had done for his friends.

He levelled his wand at the dumbstruck death eaters. "The little boy you remember is gone now. Do any of you have the bollocks to face the man?"

The entire group leapt at them, less a terrified snatcher or two, and the battle was on. 

Harry fell into a trance. He did this every night with Xerides and his friends, and Xeri made this lot look like toddlers with sticks. With the ease of long practice, Harry sidestepped their assaults, only to fire back harder the instant their guard dropped. He ducked, dodged, and rolled as if in a dream, and attacked every chance he got.

Until the sound of a vicious snarl far too close snapped him out of it.

Greyback leapt at Ron, teeth bared. A surge of horror raced through Harry. 

_ 'Over my dead body, fuckface!' _

Instinct took over, and Harry slammed bodily into Greyback's side, knocking the bastard off course. He landed atop the werewolf, and in effort to keep him down long enough to curse him, Harry grabbed his throat and pinned him to the ground.

"_Aiiieeeee_!" 

Greyback's howl pierced the night. The werewolf reached for Harry's hands, fingernails clawing, and Harry jerked back to avoid being scratched. 

Greyback's throat was charred and bleeding. 

Ah. Right. Evil and sunguards. 

Harry flashed back to first year and grabbed the arsehole's face with both hands. Greyback screamed and thrashed madly. His head sizzled and smoked, and when he reached for his face to claw at Harry's hands, Harry set him ablaze with holy fire to finish the job.

"That's for Remus, you ugly fucker!" He turned his back on the flaming body, knowing his magic would do the trick, and returned to the battle. 

Only there wasn't much left of one to speak of. Scabior lay dead at Harry's feet with an elven arrow in his skull. Travers had lost his head somewhere. Avery was, as Harry had suspected he would be, dead. The low-ranking fighters had all either run away or perished as well. Only Bellatrix remained, and before Harry could do a thing to challenge her, a silver sword cut through her waist, splitting her in two. 

"Take that, you fucking bitch!"

Her screaming top half dropped, revealing a gore-spattered Neville, sword of Gryffindor clutched tight and expression contorted in fury and grief. The sight of him dripping in Bellatrix's blood, lip curled in a snarl of hatred and revulsion, hollow blue eyes illuminated by the dying light of Greyback's flaming ashes and unshed tears, would likely haunt Harry for years to come.

"No more families will break because of you," Neville raged, but his voice broke as her legs fell atop her chest, and he turned away with a retch. A bloody, ashy Hermione scooped him up and led him away. 

As soon as Neville turned his back, an arrow sank into the still-screaming woman's skull. Xerides ending her pain. Harry sent a silent thank you to the elf and tried to get his bearings.

"Harry!"

He whipped his head up at the sound of Seamus' cry. What? He let out an _ ooph _as several people tackled him into a hug, gore and all. 

"You're okay?"

"Greyback didn't get you?"

"Is everyone all right?"

Only then did Harry realise the DA had come to help, or at least those he was closest to. Dean, Luna, Ginny, Neville, Michael, and Seamus clamoured around Ron and Hermione, faces dirty and scratched and eyes full of shadows that hadn't been there before. They were all, except a still-sickened Neville and a shy Michael, hugging and crying and kissing each other's cheeks.

"Fuck, that was terrifying," Dean said through tears. "Is everyone okay?"

"M-mostly," Neville replied in a shaky tone. "Gods. Nothing prepares you for this."

Harry rubbed his back and tried not to think of the people he had killed that day himself. Two in the past five minutes. He shuddered.

"No, nothing does, but what are you lot doing here?"

"What do you _ think _we're doing?" Ginny huffed. "We're helping you fight, obviously."

Harry frowned. "Oh. Right."

Shite. Now what? He couldn't tell them they weren't prepared to face Riddle without revealing Xerides.

"This is it then?" Dean stood tall. "We're ready."

"You lot… no." Harry stood before them and prayed they would accept what answers he could give. "Listen to me. Ron and Hermione have trained with me for over a year. We're prepared for him. And it has to be me anyway. Stay back, please."

"We've trained, too," said Neville, eyes sharp with hurt. "We've been fighting them all year."

Harry winced. "I know, Nev, but…." 

Shite. There was nothing for it. He muffled them so no one else would hear, Lucius included.

"We haven't trained _ alone_. We… we had a high elf battlemaster, a famous fighter among his kin, training us in hand-to-hand combat, short blades, mind magic, and duelling. Riddle won't expect us. And the thing is I'm afraid we're going to need every advantage we've got to beat him."

Harry took Neville's hands. "It has to be me. The prophecy made that clear. And if I'm distracted trying to keep him from killing all of you, it's… I'm afraid it won't end well. Please. I know you're strong, but I'm begging you, stay away from Riddle."

Ginny pouted. "But, Harry—"

Ron cut off his sister's protest. "Harry's right, Ginny. This is between Harry and Riddle. We can defend him, but we can't interfere. None of us but Harry are powerful enough to match him, so stay back. Please. Mum's already almost lost one child tonight."

"But I…."

"Ginny," Harry said, "please."

She slumped in defeat. "I-I just wanted to help."

"Help me by staying back. Though if anyone gets a clear shot at Riddle's foul snake, do take it."

"That's how we can help then," said Dean.

"My high elf friend is one hell of an archer, so he might well beat you to it." Harry motioned to Scabior. "Case in point." 

"Urgh." Neville shuddered. "That… in the _ eye _?"

Dean gaped. "Shite! Gross as that is, bloody _ hell _, what a shot! And in the dark, too! Damn, I'm glad your elf friend is on our side."

"Yeah, so are we all." Harry turned back towards the battlefield and grimaced. Blood, guts, and body parts everywhere, and Lucius still petrified and shaking in the middle of it. Gods. 

"Stand back, everyone."

He sent the entire mess up in holy flames. In half a minute, the only dark-sided person left alive on the battlefield was Lucius, and he was in a right state. Covered in gore, surrounded by flames, and petrified. Shite, the poor man had to be scared out of his mind.

Harry, dropped the muffling charm, shielded him from the flames, and dashed to his side. "Shite, I'm sorry. Should've let you out sooner." He cast a cleaning and laundering charm on the man and ended the _ Petrificus_. "You okay?"

Lucius promptly vomited on the grass. Harry knelt beside him and held the man's long hair back. A few healing-infused tears discreetly rubbed into Lucius' hand eased the man's nausea, but he was still shaking uncontollably and choking back sobs.

"Hey. Ssh. I have you." Harry hugged him gently and smoothed his roughened hair. "Ssh. You're okay. It's over now."

Lucius shuddered against him. "What… why?"

Harry rubbed another tear into the man's hand. "We _ know_, Mr. Malfoy. We know you helped Severus all this time."

Lucius gaped. "_Severus_? You call him… but, I… how? Not even Thomas and Lovegood knew that."

"We've had Kreacher guarding Severus since partway through my sixth year. We learned things. Winky has been watching over you since the first time she saved you, too, and considering she's Dobby's mate… well, you had to have made one hell of an impression on her to gain her loyalty after _ that_." 

Lucius shuddered. "Oh. Oh, Merlin. I had no idea."

"Yeah. We know that, too." Harry rubbed Lucius' shoulders. "You okay?"

Ginny called, "Harry, are you out of your mind? He's a death eater!"

"No," said Hermione. "He's a spy."

"He saved our lives," Dean said with a shiver. "Malfoy and his cousin. They saved us from You-Know-Who. He was going to feed us to the werewolves, and the death eaters were torturing us almost nonstop, but Lucius, Draco, and their cousin got us out in one piece."

"Their 'cousin' was Severus under polyjuice," Ron said. "Darius Malfoy isn't British."

Dean gaped. "That… you mean to tell me the bloke who healed me and carried me out of the dungeons, that was _ Snape_? Seriously?"

Luna chuckled. "He makes quite the striking blond, doesn't he?"

Dean jolted. "You knew? Why didn't you say so?"

"Because his life was in danger. You don't know how to occlude, Dean." She shook her head. "Headmaster Snape knew I was aware of his identity. We're kin of a sort, I think. Well, maybe not blood kin, but similar."

Hermione gave her a bemused look. "Luna, you're about as unlike the headmaster as it's possible to be."

Luna tittered. "It does look that way, doesn't it? Perhaps we are more like opposites, but even opposites are kin of a sort, aren't they?"

"I…."

Harry shook his head. "We have no time for this. We'll talk about it later." He turned back to Malfoy. "I want to understand, Mr. Malfoy. I'm not going to hurt you, but all of us want answers. You hurt Ginny. You hurt us all at the Ministry. You were Riddle's right-hand-man. Why did you turn spy?"

Lucius lowered his head. "I… you are correct. I was, indeed, far gone into the darkness, but it was my failure to capture you at the Ministry in your fifth year that set the catalyst for change." 

He shuddered and rubbed his arms. "That is when my status dropped. The dark lord used me as entertainment, and if he had not also used Draco and Narcissa and set my son a hopeless task out of spite, I might have remained lost. When I realised the dark lord meant my only son to die for my failures—no. I would have given many things in pursuit of glory, Potter, but my family is too precious to me to give up. I have attempted to weaken that madman from behind the scenes ever since."

Harry nodded. "How did you weaken him?"

"I spied on him and tried to interfere with his plans as much as possible. I fed Severus as much information as I could. I tipped off the aurors of impending attacks, at least when I could manage it safely. I tried to keep Ollivander strong. I healed him and fed him and encouraged him to keep his secrets. You already know I helped Severus get your friends out, too. And I have been attempting to foil the death eaters' battles all night without giving myself away." 

Lucius shook his head. "You, I had no choice but to run from. They would have accepted nothing less than your death or surrender, and I refuse to harm you. I had hoped to protect you from the shadows. You saw how well _ that _worked out."

"Yeah, not well."

"He and Draco kept us alive, too," Luna said. "And his patronus is a dove now, Harry. Only good things come of that."

Harry nodded. "We know, but…." He fixed the man with a sharp look. "Dobby is my friend, Malfoy, and he is scarred all over from your abuse of him. Why? What is your excuse for the appalling way you treated my síoda friends?"

"Síoda?"

"It's their proper racial name. 'House elf' is a slur."

"Ah. I have never heard that."

"You have now. Answer the question, please."

Lucius closed his eyes. "I haven't an excuse, Potter. I was… broken. For a long time. Perhaps I still am. All I can say is that, ever since I realized what the cost of my cruelty and greed would be, I have tried to make a change, though it hardly matters in the end."

"Why, Mr. Malfoy? Why did you go this route in the first place if you see how evil it is now? Dumbledore's cruelty drove Severus to Riddle, but you? What's your story?"

The group not in the know gasped. 

"Harry?" Seamus called in a shaky voice, "What… what are ye _ saying_, mate?"

"Severus is innocent," Hermione said, tone even. "He was never evil. Dumbledore broke him—and nearly broke Harry, too—all while masquerading as the benevolent hero of the light."

"It's true," Neville said. "Luna's told me all about it, though how she knew _ half _of what she told me…."

"My third eye showed me."

"Third…?"

"Seer," Dean said. "She's a seer. Damn good one, too."

"Oh, gods," Michael breathed. "What… does this mean?"

"Dumbledore forced Severus to kill him," said Ron. "That curse was fatal. He forced Severus to take the fall just to spare himself some pain and put Severus in a position to protect the school after he was gone."

"_Protect _it?" Ginny's cry rang in Harry's ears. "He didn't protect anything! He tortured us!"

"No." Harry fixed her with a sharp look. "The Carrows tortured you. Severus warded the Room so you had a place to run. He struck up a deal with Aberforth so you wouldn't starve. He _ Confunded _ and sometimes outright _ Obliviated _the Carrows to spare you as much pain as he could. He assigned you lines and detention with Hagrid and made even Riddle think it a terrible punishment so he could protect you a little longer, all at the risk of his own life. He killed the Carrows earlier today so they couldn't hurt you tonight, too. And just now, he nearly died trying to protect me. So leave off. Severus had to do terrible things, yes, but he did them to keep us all alive." Harry turned his back on his gobsmacked friends and stared at a stunned Malfoy. "Unlike you, who did terrible things for the sake of power and greed, at least until Riddle threatened what you couldn't bear to give up."

Lucius swallowed hard. "You are… mostly correct." He dropped his head. "But I was broken, too, Potter. My father saw to that. If not for my mother's sacrifices, I might have been…." He shuddered and stared at his knees. "It would not have gone well for me, had Abraxas gotten his way, but it is of little consequence now. Perhaps I can lay the blame for my early transgressions at his feet, but I have been a man for nearly thirty years now. I suppose, with that in mind, I haven't any other excuse for my crimes."

He looked up again and held Harry's gaze. "But I am no longer that man, Potter. All of that died in me two years ago, when I had to watch my fifteen-year-old son bleed for my sins and the truth of my father's plots became clear. It does not excuse my past crimes, and I shall not resist my punishment for them, even when they throw me through the veil, but whether you believe me or not, I will continue to fight the evil back until it is defeated or I am dead."

Harry sighed. Much as he remembered the arse Lucius used to be, he sensed his honest remorse and grief. And Harry's own mate had fallen far before he returned to sanity. He couldn't ignore that.

Harry took Lucius' hand and held it tight. "All right."

"And that's our proof," said Ron with a nod.

"Damn," Michael muttered. "He really _ is _a spy."

"A-aye," said Seamus with a wince. "Has to be."

Lucius gave them all a bemused look.

"It's all right now." Harry rubbed Lucius' shaking fingers. "I believe you. I'll help you. Are you hurt?"

Lucius blinked hard and dropped his head. "M-minor injuries. I will manage."

By the look on his face and the hitch in his voice, Harry wondered how long it had been since anyone besides his family and Severus had given a toss about him. 

Broken, hmm? Maybe he had been.

Harry sighed and rubbed Lucius' back. He would have liked to offer the man his blood to heal and protect him, but that would reveal his being status. And whether or not Lucius could be trusted, Harry didn't trust the Ministry officials who would, no doubt, test him with Veritaserum. 

No, he couldn't risk that. Still….

"Take this." Harry gave him a Sunshine Elixir. Thank Merlin he'd packed nearly his entire stock before the battle, including those he had made before the unicorn. A pre-unicorn potion would do for this.

Lucius took the potion with a bemused look. "What is this?"

"My invention. It's a powerful healing potion. You won't be hurt." Harry took the phial and sipped it. "See? Not deadly." He wiped it and handed the phial back to Lucius.

"V-very well." 

Lucius blinked hard as he took the potion. "Merlin," he gasped as he handed the empty phial to Harry. "That is incredible."

"Thanks." Harry banished the phial and helped Lucius to his feet. "You all right now? Well, physically at least?"

Lucius shuddered. "I am on the mend, I think, but…."

"Hey, you're not alone anymore, okay?" Harry rubbed the man's shoulders and the tips of his hair. "I'm here, all right?"

Lucius' voice came out rough. "I… thank you, Potter. Do you know… Draco? Narcissa?"

"We haven't seen Narcissa. I sent Draco out of the battle through a secret passage earlier. That was the last I saw of him, so I hope he got out before the battle started."

"I saw Narcissa earlier," Luna said. "She asked about Draco, too, and I told her Harry had sent him home before he was hurt or forced to hurt others. She left after him and begged us to watch over you, if we could. They are both…." She cocked her head. "Ah. At a home on the coast. Not your manor, but somewhere safe."

Lucius gave a shuddering sigh. "The Brighton House. Oh, thank Merlin. You saved them. Oh…."

"Same as you saved us," said Dean. "It's just the right thing to do."

Lucius buried his face in his hands. Harry sensed him struggling to control tears and hugged him.

"It's okay. They're okay now."

Lucius shuddered against his shoulder. "Thank you," he whispered. 

Harry rubbed his hair. "Ssh. It's all right. We knew Draco wasn't loyal, and Lox told Kreacher that Narcissa never wanted any part of this. It's okay, but we need you to try to calm down now, okay? We're still on the battlefield, and I need to end this before anyone else is killed."

Lucius took a shaky breath. "R-right. I… yes." He leaned back, wiped his face, and gave Harry a nod. "I am ready."

"Well done. Though… close your eyes."

Lucius hesitated, but he did obey. The trust it must have taken to do it, no questions asked, stunned Harry.

Merlin. He truly had been reborn, hadn't he?

"Thank you." Harry rubbed his own tears onto his fingers and stroked them over Lucius' eyelids. Lucius jumped back and rubbed his eyes. "What…?"

Harry showed a finger with pearly residue on it and hoped none remained on his face. "Easy. It's just phoenix tears." Or close enough to it. "I'm trying to heal your eyes and take the redness away. I won't hurt you."

Lucius rubbed his face. "Phoenix tears? How?"

"Fawkes!" Harry held out his wrist, and his familiar landed on it. "I have a regular supply." 

Fawkes gave a laughing trill.

Dean whistled. "Sweet Merlin, mate! Is that…?"

"Yes, this is Fawkes," Harry called. "He was Dumbledore's familiar before, but he's mine now." Harry rubbed Fawkes' head. "And I hope he's happier for it. The old man was an absolute bastard under the beard and twinkling eyes. I mean, just what he did to me alone is enough to see him in Azkaban for life. Good fucking riddance."

Fawkes fluffed his feathers and gave a sharp nod.

Lucius looked between them. "He… Merlin. Severus said he was not to be trusted, but I hadn't imagined it went so far as all that."

"Further. He was a monster."

At Lucius' shocked look and the gaping expressions of Harry's peers, the sunguard shook his head. "Look, just trust me on it for the time being, yeah? It's a long story. One we don't have time to get into now. We have a war to finish."

Lucius shook himself. "Ah, yes. Of course."

"Right," Seamus said, though his voice wobbled a little. "We're behind ye, mate."

"Every step of the way," Dean agreed.

"Thanks, you lot. I'm glad." Harry gave Lucius a searching look. "So, how serious are you about seeing this bastard dead?" 

Lucius' jaw tightened. "He threatened my family's lives. He tortured them and scarred me. He nearly murdered my only true friend more than once, and I am scarred by his vindictive fury, too. He stole my home and most of my fortune." Silver light flashed in his eyes. "I would kill him myself if I had the power."

Harry nodded. "Then, if you're willing to take a risk to see the fuckface dead, I need you to put on a little… show." 

Ginny called, "Harry, are you _ sure _we can trust him?"

"Yes. Ask the others why. Later." Harry gave Lucius a grim look. "We'll do our best to protect you, but it's no guarantee. Are you in or not?"

Lucius bowed. "What do you wish me to do?"


	39. All Over Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soo... just a heads up, the angst is back in full force. I avoided writing the next chapter until this morning (I wrote everything around it lol) because omg the pain. Ouch. So. Yeah. Fair warning, angst incoming. 😭
> 
> Elvish: _Kùrízu_: rough equivalent of fuuuuuck! 😂

#  **Chapter 39**

##  _ All Over Now _

Xerides watched from the trees near Harry. Fawkes reappeared by his side with a note in his talons.

> _ "Malfoy is honest. He's completely changed. Don't hurt him unless he betrays us, but I think that unlikely. Not even Draco wanted to hurt us. Lucius is trying his damndest to help. _
> 
> _ "The plan is to have Malfoy pretend that he captured me alone and present me to Riddle. Ron and 'Mione will be disillusioned behind him. Everyone else is hiding in the trees and watching for an opportunity to take out that foul snake. Take her down for me if you see an opportunity, but hold your fire until Malfoy is out of range, or at least out of the way." _

Xerides pocketed the note and dipped three arrows in linnato seed oil. One for the snake, one for Riddle in case Harry needed backup, and one for the man with the aura of a veela about him, just in case he turned traitor. Xerides wouldn't fire upon the latter unless Lucius gave him a damn good reason to, but it was always best to be prepared.

By the time he finished with his arrows, Ron and Hermione had disillusioned themselves and taken refuge out of sight, and Lucius had Harry by the wrist. Harry made it look as though the man was dragging him along, but Lucius' grip was light and his hands trembled. 

And Lucius couldn't have touched Harry at all if his change hadn't altered him down to his soul.

No. There was no need to fire upon Lucius. The man was clearly honest and afraid.

Xerides nocked an arrow to the string anyway and prepared himself for trouble. Lucius might be on their side, but Riddle and his pet demon still posed a dire threat. 

He held himself at the ready and listened. The silence near the edge of the battlefield allowed Xerides to hear every word as if he were standing close rather than several metres away.

Harry muttered, "Is the bastard coming?"

Lucius shuddered. "He shall, I think, be here any—"

A black-robed, baldheaded figure appeared out of nowhere, his giant pet snake floating in a golden bubble above his head.

"—and do shut up, Potter," Lucius went on without a break. "I tire of your snivelling."

"What did you do with Ron and Hermione, you fucking shite-for-brains bastard? I—"

"My, my, such foul language, Harry Potter." The red-eyed menace gave a cold laugh. "Your mother would be so ashamed."

Harry snarled at the demon. "When I get my hands on you, I'll—"

"Yes, yes. I cannot wait, but… hmm." Red eyes narrowed and focused on the veela. "Lucius, however did you capture the boy?"

The aura of the snake's bubble weakened and thinned. Heart thundering, Xerides adjusted his aim.

Lucius' face blanched of what little colour nature had given him. "Draco found him organizing the mudblood army earlier in the evening, my lord. I tracked him here, dispatched his friends, and summoned you."

Harry cried, "Liar! Ron and 'Mione are fine! They… they'll be…." He made a breakdown sound terribly convincing. Gods. The sound shattered something in Xerides, but he stayed his hand.

Something was off. Xerides could smell it in the air.

Riddle flicked his wand, not at Harry, but the spy. "And this, Lucius, is the best story you can produce? How disappointing."

_ Kùrízu_! The bastard knew.

"Nagini, din—"

The cage opened, and Xerides let his arrow fly.

* * *

Harry watched Xerides' arrow rip through Nagini with a little cry of shock. They had asked Xerides to wait until Malfoy was out of range, but there was nothing for it. 

Somehow, Riddle had known.

Riddle roared, "Nooo!"

Harry broke the petrification curse on Lucius and hissed, "_Run_!"

Riddle turned to gather up his pet, and Lucius took off like a shot. A shield of starry sky surrounded him—Xerides. Harry added his own shields and scrambled into a defensive posture. He felt rather than saw his two friends dash into place beside him just as Riddle found the arrow and vanished it.

Damn. It hadn't worked.

"Your elven tricks will do you no good," Riddle hissed. "You will not defeat me so easily."

Harry swallowed a cold knot of terror, steeled his spine, and gathered his power. He could do this. He had trained all year for this moment. 

He forced his voice steady. Ron and Hermione were depending on him. Damned if he would let them see his fear.

"I reckon it's a good thing I came prepared then." With a flick of his wrist, Nagini's body went up in white flames. An unearthly shriek and a blast of black smoke emerged from her corpse.

_ 'Take that, arsehole.' _

Riddle's scream of rage reverberated through Harry's skull. "Nooo! Nagini!"

"You _ might _ want to be more concerned with _ us _." Ron dropped his disillusionment charms. "Merlin, you're an ugly sod. Harry did tell us, but the stories just didn't do it justice."

Harry snorted. "Yes, well, there's only so far words can go."

Riddle turned, slow as a snake, eyes glowing crimson. "We shall see who is ugly when I am through with you." He scowled. "And then I shall come for that snivelling traitor. Did you truly think I would not notice the mudblood, dear Lucius? I smelled it as soon as it came in range."

"_Charming_," Hermione said with a scowl.

"I'm fairly certain that's just your own breath, Riddle," Harry shot back. "I mean, you do so love to bore us all with hours-long dissertations on your supposed greatness, cheap comic book supervillain style. Honestly, it's a miracle you've not choked to death on the fumes long before now. Or more of a shame, really."

Ron gave a choked-off snort. "Cor blimey, mate."

"Well then," Riddle snarled, "perhaps this time I shall spare you the pleasure."

"Please do," said Hermione with a sniff.

Harry levelled his wand at the bastard and beckoned him. "Come on then. You've been trying to drag me into a fight for seven years, old man. Well, now you've got me. Think you can handle it?"

"_Crucio_!"

Harry sidestepped his curse, and the battle was on. Left and right, over and under, he dodged, parried, and attacked, and they all watched the confidence bleed from Riddle's face.

"What… what is this? Who taught you to fight?"

Harry grinned wickedly. "Our little secret."

A force like a battering ram smacked into Harry's mental shields, but he simply trapped Riddle in an empty stretch of mental forest. The bastard could search all he wanted. He would never find anything more interesting in Harry's mind than trees.

Riddle emerged with a cry and smothered his flaming robe. Out of the corner of his eye, Harry caught a glimpse of pale blond hair, blazing silver eyes, and a dark wand glowing with the embers of a fire curse. 

Well. Lucius had, apparently, meant it when he had promised to fight. Good on him.

Harry gave Riddle a sharp smile. "Probably not wise to waste your time trying to find out my secrets when there are at least ten other people on the battlefield prepared to take your ugly arse down tonight, Mouldy-Warts."

With a snarl of impotent fury, Riddle renewed his assault, but his anger made him sloppy. Harry snuck a cutting curse in under his shields and sent a splash of red flying from his shoulder. Hermione burned his face. Ron nailed one cheek with a boil curse. Harry had no doubt where that rather spectacular bat bogey had come from. Nor the tree roots that had grown right out of the ground to grab Riddle's feet. Lucius, too, had landed a fierce blow by sneaking about the perimeter and blasting the arsehole with a fire curse that set his entire back ablaze. 

Riddle shrieked and smothered the flames with pure, wandless rage. "Enough of this fool's game! _ Avada Kedavra_!"

At the same time, Harry cried, "_Sectumsempra_!"

It was poetic justice, really, to kill him with Severus' curse.

Their spells met, joined, and a bead of light connected their wands. _ Priori Incantatem_? Well. That was unexpected. Hadn't Riddle used a different wand?

Wait….

Wasn't that _ Dumbledore's _ wand? 

Yes. Harry had seen it often enough to recognise the strange runic design wrapped around the shaft and the ebony trim at its base. _ Gods_. Grave-robbing, apparently, wasn't beneath the bastard either, not that it should surprise Harry. Ugh.

The spell levitated Riddle and Harry and set them down again several meters away from the others. Just as well. This way, no one else would be hurt.

Harry focused with grim determination on the battle as several shadowy figures poured from Riddle's wand. He didn't recognise most of them, but one he knew too well.

"Wotcher, Harry."

Harry blinked down tears. "Hi, Tonks."

"What… what is this?" Riddle fumed. "I have the most powerful wand in the world! I am a god!"

Dumbledore's wand was that powerful? Hm. Probably just more delusions of grandeur.

Harry ignored Riddle's ranting and focused on powering his bead, or tried to. It wasn't easy when he had to stare into the eyes of his failures.

"Tonks, gods, I'm so sorry! I tried, but it was just… t-too late."

"Harry, easy there. It wasn't your fault. This ugly bastard did me in. I just… I only worry for my boys. You… you'll look after them, won't you?"

Tears choked him. "Y-yeah. Promise."

She hugged his shoulders. "I wish I could see him grow up."

"S-so do I, but you can watch over him. And we'll make sure he knows who his mum was and h-how brave you were. Gods, I'm going to miss you so much."

The wand vibrated harder, and Harry realised his concentration was slipping in his grief. Tonks held his wrist. 

"You have to focus on the future now, Harry. For all of us he hurt. For Teddy. For the kids you're going to have one day."

Harry gave a tearful snort. "Tonks, I'm gay."

"So? Gay people have kids all the time. And you _do_ have Teddy."

Harry nodded. Maybe there was hope. Probably not for kids, not kids of his own at any rate, but for a future. A life with his mate. Maybe he still had a chance.

He thought of that moment in the shack, when Severus had threaded his fingers into his hair and looked at Harry as if he meant everything in the world. The man had been delirious, but still, the hope of that memory gave him strength. 

No. Their story wasn't over yet.

He poured every bit of his love and power into his wand. He thought of Ron and Hermione, both cheering him on outside the shield. Of Xerides, a silent support from the shadows. Of his friends, who had gathered nearby to encourage him. Of Remus and Teddy and Tonks, and the mother's undying love for her husband and son. Of Lucius, who had suffered and bled to see Riddle defeated for two years, and expected to die for it, too.

And he thought of his mate. Of everything Severus had given to bring them to this moment. Of all he had suffered and endured so Harry could have a chance in hell of winning.

Fuck all if he would let their sacrifices go in vain.

The bead turned towards Riddle. 

"How? Why? How can this _ be_? I am not using the same wand!"

Harry focused his strength. "Maybe not, but then, that's not the only link we share, is it? You stole my blood to make your body. I reckon the wands know that."

Riddle's eyes bulged. "Nonsense! Blood has… nothing to do with… wandlore!"

"Maybe not, but I can tell you what it does have to do with: your death. You see, in your grand quest to sublimate me, you forgot one _ tiny _little detail." Harry surrounded the area in a heavy fire shield to block the view and let his glamours drop for a few seconds. "Stealing unwilling blood is a really fucking bad idea."

"Oh, _ wow_," Tonks breathed. "You're bloody beautiful, Harry!"

He grinned. "Thanks. Guess what this means for you, Riddle? That's right, you cursed yourself." He pooled all his power into his hands. "And now you're about to go the same way as Albus Dumbledore: too full of hubris and arrogance to learn from your own mistakes." With a growl, he forced his power through his wand. The bead of light shot towards Riddle.

"_Nooo_!"

The bead connected, and both spells hit Riddle square in the chest. The bastard's wand floated across the battlefield and landed in Harry's shaking hand.

Harry looked to Tonks' fading form. "I love you, and good luck on the other side."

She waved and vanished into the night.

Harry used the power of his love and grief for her to set Riddle's corpse ablaze.

Hermione and Ron grabbed him into a fierce, emotional hug.

"It's over!" Ron shouted through tears and laughter. "The fucker is finally dead!"

Hermione sobbed on Harry's shoulder. "We did it, Harry! He's gone!"

Harry watched the holy flames burn Riddle's corpse to ash. Lucius sank to his knees nearby, covered his face, and wept. 

"Oh, thank Merlin," he choked out. "It's over. It is finally _over_."

Harry vanished Voldemort's ashes and gave a shuddering sob of his own. "Yeah. Yeah, it is."

* * *

Harry spent the next two days healing survivors, helping round up the remaining death eaters, providing evidence in favour of Severus and Lucius, though he hadn't much on the latter, and waiting on tenterhooks for his mate to regain consciousness. Kreacher had been working with Hippa to bring him around, but as of yet, he still hadn't woken. Harry tried not to give in to the creeping dread that he might not.

At least he had managed to keep Kingsley from arresting him. It had taken a hell of a lot of talking, but Harry had eventually convinced the auror of Severus' innocence. He hadn't been able to convince him of Lucius', but Lucius himself had done so by volunteering to an interrogation under Veritaserum.

The results had even shocked Harry. 

Lucius had done little besides fund the dark's efforts, and not voluntarily since Harry's fifth year. He had never killed anyone or tortured people beyond the diary in Ginny's cauldron, which he hadn't realised was so dangerous, the fight at the DoM, which had also injured Lucius severely, and the incident at the world cup. He confessed to feeling terrible about his participation in all three afterwards, particularly the cup incident, as he had been fully cognizant of his actions and their consequences then, but the muggles they tortured hadn't known what was happening to them nor how to defend themselves.

"The others made it sound glorious, putting the muggles in their 'proper place,'" Lucius said, voice eerily flat despite the tears in his eyes, "but when the thrill wore off, I had to face the reality of what we had done. I saw my Cissa in place of the wife, hanging in the air with her body on display, screaming for someone to save our son, and I… I was sick with remorse. They, thankfully, do not remember their pain, except perhaps in nightmares or flashes. I, however, will never forget it."

Harry gave the man a searching look. "And now? Do you still think muggles are dirty? Worthless? Do you still believe my best friend is disgusting because she doesn't come from magic?"

Lucius stared at the table. "I… I do not know what I think of muggles. I have never met any outside of the dark lord's torture chambers, and I could hardly risk striking up a friendly chat." He blinked tears down his face. "I couldn't save them all."

"But you tried? You tried to save as many as you could?"

"Yes."

Harry reached across the table and took Lucius' hand. Lucius started and stared at their linked hands as if he didn't understand.

"Potter… what is this?"

"Harry, and it's comfort for an ally in need."

"Ally?" Lucius' throat bobbed. "You… will stand by me?"

"Yeah. I will."

"We both will," said Kingsley with a sigh. "Though I'm not sure what we can do. The reality is that you committed war crimes, Malfoy, even if you tried to make amends for them at the end. That's still Azkaban."

Lucius clung to Harry's hand. "I understand." 

And yet, all the colour had drained from his face and his hands had gone cold.

Harry squeezed his hand tight. "King, this isn't right. People who are trying to change shouldn't get locked away in Azkaban. Even without the dementors, it's a horrible place. I know we can't save every criminal, but gods! It's not fair to put a man who risked everything to save us in Azkaban. Even for a short term, it's not right. They should be healed, not locked away in hell to rot."

Kingsley nodded grimly. "I agree, kid, but as Azkaban is our only prison, there isn't much option."

Harry scowled. "Then it's past time someone did something about it, wouldn't you say?"

"Someone with a lot of empty properties and political clout, you mean?"

Harry smirked. "Exactly."

Lucius gave him an appraising look. "You are more Slytherin than I thought."

Harry snickered. "The hat said so, too. I was almost Draco's roommate."

Lucius sighed. "I wish you had been."

Harry rubbed his hand. "Don't give up, okay? We'll work something out. In the meantime, I'm going to Gringotts to see which of my properties could be converted into a private detention centre."

Lucius bowed. "Thank you."

Harry squeezed his hand and left. The next few hours passed in a whirlwind of paperwork and legal tape, building and cleaning, warding and interviewing his friends, and all while dodging a sea of crazed fans. At the end of it, however, he had the Ministry stamp of approval to open the Dawning Light Detention Centre in a wooded area of Northumberland. Harry hoped the quiet countryside and powerful wards would go a long way towards healing young and repentant inmates and keeping them safe. 

The Ministry had even helped him scrounge up a list of potential employees, including spots for a variety of aurors, social workers, caretakers, and mind healers. Harry would interview them all personally as soon as he could arrange it, as he wasn't stupid enough to take anything the Ministry gave him at face value. He had gathered enough employees from his friends and family to keep the first round of inmates safe, at least. That would have to do for now.

He also secured the aid of two house elves, twin sisters named Linny and Wenny, and placed them in charge of cooking, cleaning, and other household tasks. They were also told to keep an eye out for abuse, both of the inmates and elves, and report any incidents directly to Harry.

With that done, he returned home for a kip before reporting back to the Ministry in the morning with a request for his fully-equipped detention centre to be inspected and added as a viable alternative to Azkaban for repentant criminals and juveniles. Xerides was waiting with a bowl of his herbal vegetable soup and a plate of warm wheat and seed bread with butter. Harry kissed his cheek in thanks and sank into his chair, weary to his bones.

"Any word on Severus yet?"

Xerides shook his head and sat beside Harry. "I have not seen Kreacher today at all."

"Maybe Severus is starting to come around. Anything on the others? Fred? Colin? Remus?" 

"Ron and Hermione are asleep at the moment, but they told me everyone you saved is on the mend. Remus will be fine, physically at least, and your allies are helping him recover emotionally. Colin made a full recovery and is home again, at least until Hogwarts reopens. Fred…." Xerides shook his head in grief. "He is alive, but the healers suspect he will be permanently paralysed."

Harry winced and bowed his head. "_Damn_. I… I tried to… I'm sorry."

"Peace, Harry. His injuries are not your fault, and you, at least, saved his life."

Harry blinked back tears. "Y-yeah. Maybe my blood can help. I'll let Pomfrey in on my secrets and ask to treat everyone in dire need after I finish at the Ministry in the morning."

"You finished staffing the detention centre already?"

"A skeleton crew, yes, and we _had_ to move fast, Xeri. If I wait too long, they'll send them to Azkaban out of spite. It has to be ready before the trials begin, and I'm guessing I might have another week at most before the Ministry is functional enough to handle them."

"Hmm. Perhaps you should also attempt to influence criminal law to be fair and just prior to the trials. At least more just than it is at the moment." 

"Shite. Yeah, I should. Next thing on the ever-growing list after the Infirmary and 'Mione's press release. Merlin, I'm glad our wards are strong. The public won't leave me alone after this."

"So am I." Xerides nodded towards Harry. "Eat your soup, Harry. I know you must be starving."

Harry grimaced. "Famished. Hardly had a second to stop since the battle and there's still no end in sight." He dipped a bit of bread in his soup. "Merlin, this is so good, Xeri. It's amazing what flavours you manage to create with nothing but fruits, vegetables, and herbs."

Xerides chuckled. "We elves have had a long time to practice at it."

"True." Harry ate in silence until the soup warmed him from the inside out. "I'm sorry."

"Hmm?"

"That I won't live as long as other Sunguards. I'm sorry."

Xerides' eyes filled with sorrow. "I will be glad for every moment that you are with me."

Harry squeezed his hand. "Yeah. Me too." He sighed and finished his last few bites in silence. "I'm knackered. I'm going to take a kip. Will you send Kreacher if he comes back while I'm sleeping?"

Xerides nodded. "Rest. I will keep watch."

Harry rubbed his shoulder, set his dishes to wash themselves, and crawled into bed.

* * *

Severus opened his eyes to familiar green bed curtains. What? He turned, and came face-to-face with a pair of deep blue eyes and a mop of ashy brown hair he knew too well. Hippa? But... why?

Then, the scent of healing potions, blood, and antiseptic hit his nostrils, and Severus lurched up with a gasp.

No. _ No_. No, goddamn it!

Hippa gently pressed on his arms. "Master should not be sitting up yet. Master will hurt his neck all over again."

Severus spoke in a low, dark voice. "I am alive."

"Yes. Master Harry is saving your life and asking Hippa to heal you."

"I am _ alive _"

Hippa's eyes darted back and forth at the cold fury in his tone. "Y-yes, Master. Will you please be lying down now?"

Severus patted her head. "Hippa, you need to leave now. Please."

"But—"

"_Please_."

Hippa sniffled. "If Master promises he will not hurt himself."

He gave her a heartsick look. "I don't want to be here."

"Please, Master Severus. Hippa is promising to keep you safe."

He wrenched away with a moan of anguish. "Very well," he whispered. "You have my vow." Something in him twisted with the words, but Hippa had stood by him through everything. She deserved better than to be hurt by Severus' desperation.

"Thank you, Master Severus." Hippa squeezed his hand and vanished.

And Severus grabbed the nearest object at hand—a glass of water on the bedside table—and threw it at the wall. It shattered with a satisfying crash. He snatched everything in reach, too, and destroyed it all in a burst of violent fury. He threw the candle last, and when it simply sputtered out against the sofa, Severus lit the entire two-seater ablaze with pure, wandless fury.

With a quiet pop, the flames immediately went out.

Severus screamed, not caring that it tore at his injured throat. "You! You… this is all _ your _ fault! Twenty fucking years of Potters fucking up my life _ and _my death. In the same goddamn place!"

He levitated the bedside table and threw it, too. 

"Tell your interfering _ bastard _ of a master this, you spying little shite: you've ruined every… every little bit of peace I ever carved out for myself, you and the fucking inhuman beasts you call family, and—" Severus choked the rest out around tears. "Just… _ stop_. Please. Just let me be."

He wept into the silence. A moment later, Hippa came in on Kreacher's arm. "Oh, Master."

Kreacher wiped tears from his face. "Kreacher is sorry, Master. I is only doing—"

"Go. Just… go. You, and your master. Please."

Kreacher gave a stricken nod and popped away. Severus buried his face in his hands and wept bitterly.

"It was supposed to be over. Why isn't it over?"

Hippa could only continue petting his hair and soothing him as best as a frightened house elf could.


	40. Separate Ways

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bring tissues. Seriously. I can't even read this without crying. 😭

#  **Chapter 40**

##  _ Separate Ways _

Harry dragged himself out of bed after another brief kip, all he seemed to have time for post-war, and staggered downstairs. Bloody hell, he was exhausted, but he had accomplished loads in the five and a half days since finishing Riddle, so he didn't mind feeling like chewed-up rubbish as much as he might have otherwise.

As he had suspected, the Ministry had tried to sneak anti-being arseholes, pro-Ministry buffoons, and blood purist fascists into Harry's hiring candidates for the Detention Centre, but Harry had weeded them all out. Kingsley had approved the use of Veritaserum on all candidates given the danger to Harry's life, and Harry, Ron, and Hermione had run with it.

Of course, the Ministry believed Harry would use the truth serum to rule out threats to his safety and that of his inmates, and he had done exactly that. It just so happened that the Ministry's definition of a 'threat to security' differed greatly from Harry's own.

"Do you support the belief that nocturnal races—night elves, moon elves, vampires, werewolves, and so on—are inherently evil and deserve to be executed, regardless of their personal crimes or the lack thereof?"

"Are wizards superior to muggles?"

"Are humans superior to other humanoid species such as goblins, high elves, the beings you call house elves, centaurs, and so on?"

"Do you believe purebloods should have the right to lead or make decisions for the rest of us based solely, or even partially, on the fact that they were born into a magical line?"

"Do you support the Ministry in all they do?"

By the end of the first day of interviews, Harry had ruled out ninety-five percent of the Ministry shills on his 'approved' hiring list. He had only hired two, a mind healer who had hidden the truth of her loyalties well during the war for the sake of her family, and an auror security guard who kept his own counsel and thus had slipped through the cracks of the Ministry's selection process, and he had interviews with three others in an hour or so.

One woman, Reiko Yokomoto, had requested that her interview be held late at night due to a health condition. Two others hadn't been able to come during the day due to their current positions. They were, apparently, close to Reiko anyway, and so all three had asked to be interviewed late. It had piqued Harry's curiosity to be sure, as well as his housemate's.

Xerides met Harry as he staggered into the kitchen. "I wonder, Harry, if this Reiko woman is entirely human." 

"Hm. Interesting." Harry grinned. "If she isn't, that just makes me more likely to hire her." He sat at the table, where Xerides had already placed a plate of briami, elven bread, and a grilled filet of salmon with his homemade tzatziki sauce. 

"This looks lovely, Xeri. Merlin. Seems like it's been forever since you made us Greek food."

Xerides kissed Harry's cheek and prepared a plate for himself. "Thank you. I thought you would likely be famished."

"Yeah. It's been a hell of a week to be sure." He gave Xerides a worried look. "Kreacher hasn't…?"

Xerides shook his head and sat beside Harry, expression full of worry. "If he had not informed us yesterday that Severus is on the mend, I must confess, I would be terrified by now."

"I am anyway." Harry picked at his vegetables. "I wish I could be there with him. I _ should _ be there with him. It's not right that he should go through this alone."

"Much as I wish that were a possibility, I fear he would see it as a terrible breach of privacy should you invade his personal quarters without permission. Hippa would not let you near him until he is conscious at any rate."

Harry nodded and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Maybe tomorrow we'll have better news."

"One can hope. Eat your dinner, Harry. Your interview with Reiko starts in under an hour."

"Right." Harry forced his focus off of his worry for his mate and onto the task at hand. 

* * *

Three hours later, Harry had officially hired the required ten percent of Ministry officials, and not one of them a blood purist or anti-being bigot. 

Xerides met him in the entrance hall. "How did the interviews go?"

Harry grinned. "Brilliant, actually. I didn't ask outright for her sake, but I'm about ninety percent sure Reiko is a vampire. Even better, she used her abilities and position in the Ministry to smuggle out as many muggleborns as she could during Umbridge's regime. The other two and her husband helped. They're good people, and hiring them puts us over the Ministry's arbitrary percentage bullshite. So we're officially staffed now and ready to open."

"Wonderful." Xerides gave him a warm smile and rubbed Harry's hair. "I am proud of all you have accomplished."

"You helped, Xeri, even if you couldn't be there in person." Harry tiptoed and tucked the elf's long hair behind his ear. "We couldn't have done this, any of it, without you."

Xerides stilled as Harry's fingers traced the edge of his ear. His breath caught, and his head lowered. 

"T-thank you, Harry." He tilted his head into Harry's touch, then turned away. His shoulders and hands were trembling.

"Xeri? You okay?"

Xerides nodded. "Yes. I… yes." He took a shaky breath. "I am fine. And we should finish preparing your presentation for tomorrow while our energy lasts regardless, now that the Centre is ready."

Harry gave his friend a worried look, but at Xerides' continued urging, he followed the elf into the study and set to work rehearsing and preparing for the morning, when he would push the final authorisation through on the Centre and wrangle the Wizengamot into accepting his proposal to amend the crimimal justice laws. Lucius and Hermione had already gone over it with a fine-toothed comb, and Ron had advised Harry on strategy. The rest was up to him.

And damned if he would fail now, not when his mate's freedom was on the line.

"Right, so the Wizengamot will probably counter our arguments here, but…."

* * *

The Ministry had little other choice but to accept Harry's new employee list, and so, Harry came home late the next morning with the Dawning Light's official license and registration to operate as a legitimate, fully-functional detention centre and alternative to Azkaban.

He had won a major victory over the Wizengamot, too. A polite reminder of the vow all Wizengamot officials took upon taking their seats—to uphold truth and justice regardless of personal bias—and a few simple questions had taken care of all resistance early on.

"I wonder if I were to call magic forth as a judge now, how many of you would pass her tests? How many of you have kept the vows you swore when you first put on those robes?" Harry gave them an innocent smile. "I'm sure I have no cause to worry…."

His smile turned dark. "Then again, you _ did _ hold trials to execute innocent muggleborns, didn't you? And you hauled a fifteen-year-old into a full criminal trial—a trial led by the Minister, who has no legal authority here—all for the purposes of determining whether said child had the right to defend himself and his cousin against Ministry-sanctioned and Ministry-dispatched dementors. Oh, and there was that _ small _issue of appointing a known anti-being fascist, a twisted woman who tortured said student and several others in the name of promoting the Ministry's goals, as the leader of the anti-muggleborn trials and giving her free rein to spread her poison wherever she liked. And—"

Harry had never seen the arseholes rush to his side so quickly.

He had spent the rest of the that morning ensuring the bastards kept their word and fixing the 'alterations' they tried to slip under his nose.

"One more change to the document we agreed upon," said Harry in a voice as cold as ice, "and I go public with your dishonesty and cruelty _ and _call magic down to judge every last one of you."

He couldn't actually carry out the latter threat, but as the mostly decent folks saw him as a gods-given hero come to save them all—and the fascists viewed him as a dire threat who had somehow managed to defeat the most powerful dark lord in history, at least in their eyes—it proved an effective bluff nevertheless. 

Now, reassured that he had done all he could to ensure fair trials for the death eaters short of fighting for them personally, as he planned to do for Severus and the Malfoys, he had nothing left to do but wait for Severus to heal. Well, and deal with the public, but that could wait a day or two while he recovered his energy.

Thank Merlin for that. He would need all the strength he could muster to face Tonks' and Lavender's funerals the next day. Gods help him.

"Xeri?" The elf didn't answer, so Harry assumed he was either out in the woods or sleeping. He hoped it was the latter, as noon was the most dangerous hour for Xerides.

He spared a moment to worry for his friend and made his way to the study with intent to put his papers away. But, as he passed the living room, he caught a glimpse of a bald head and trembling ears bent over a pair of knobbly knees. 

His heart sank through the floor. Oh _ no_. Severus!

"Kreacher! Merlin, what's wrong? Is Severus hurt? Did the Ministry take him? Did he take a turn? Are _ you _ hurt?"

Kreacher responded to the barrage of panicked questions with a droop of his ears and a shake of his head. "Master Severus is being awake—"

Harry gasped. "What? Merlin, he _ is_? Why didn't you say so sooner? I have to—"

He started for the door, but Kreacher called him back. "Wait, Master Harry. Master Severus is not wanting… he is…." The síoda clapped his hands over his ears and wailed. "Kreacher cannot say it! Kreacher is so…." Fat tears raced down his face. "Oh, Master. Kreacher is so sorry."

Harry swallowed a tightness in his throat and knelt before the elf. "Can you show me?"

"But…."

"Please."

Kreacher whimpered. "It is not being a good memory, Master."

"I can see that, Kreacher, but he's my mate. I… I need to know. Please."

Kreacher dropped his head and covered his face. "Kreacher is so sorry."

Harry rubbed his shoulders and tried not to give in to the panic swallowing him whole. "H-hey. Whatever happened, it's not your fault, okay? Will you… let me see? Please?"

Kreacher sniffled and lifted his head. "Kreacher is… doing as Master says."

Harry squeezed his shoulder. "You don't have to if it hurts too much."

"No. Kreacher is thinking it is the only way. Kreacher cannot be repeating what Master Severus said, and you is needing to know."

Harry winced. "O-oh. Well then, look up, and I'll… look."

"Yes, Master. Kreacher is ready."

Harry braced himself and dove into his síoda's mind.

> _ "I am _ alive_." _
> 
> _ Splattered water and ink dripped down the walls, crimson as blood. The sofa burned and went out. _
> 
> _ "You!" _
> 
> _ "Twenty fucking years of Potters…." _
> 
> _ "Just… leave me be. Please." _

Harry left Kreacher's memory and sat back on his knees. The world had turned upside-down and left him hanging on by a twig. A giant void opened in his chest and swallowed him whole, and Harry could do nothing but breathe through the pain of it.

"Thank you, Kreacher," he heard himself say as if in a dream. "Please ask Hippa to watch over Severus and make sure he doesn't hurt himself." He stood on legs that had gone numb, not from the position, but to match the coldness spreading through his soul. "I… I am going for a walk."

Kreacher's ears drooped. "But… what is we to do about your mate, Master?"

Harry had no answers. He turned away and closed his eyes. He should be crying, but maybe it hurt too much. His eyes remained as dry and cold as his heart had just become.

"Just… speak to Hippa about his mental health and make sure she keeps him alive and as healthy as possible. And… and ask her to stay by his side as much as possible. Please."

Kreacher sniffled. "Kreacher is doing as Master asks."

Harry rubbed Kreacher's shoulder. "Thank you." The words came out in a flat, quiet tone he hardly recognised as his own voice. 

He had no other words. There was nothing left to say.

Severus had sent him away, and to push him might be fatal for both of them.

Harry walked outside, hardly knowing where his feet moved until he found himself atop the roof. The sun shining through the clearing left him with a sense of wrongness. It should be cloudy. It should be storming and rainy and as dark as the hollow inside him. The sun had no right to shine so brilliantly when everything inside him had turned to ash.

He drew his knees to his chest and took a shaky breath. What in Merlin's name was he to do now? He loved Severus. Loved him desperately. He needed his mate like he needed air.

But Severus didn't want him. Severus had begged him, in tears and agony, to leave him alone. 

And Harry couldn't deny him.

Not only because he feared if he pressed Severus, the man might react in anger and reject Harry utterly, which would mean his death, but because his mate had pleaded with him to stay away.

Much as it hurt, if Severus needed him to keep his distance, then Harry would grant him his freedom. He had earned that much.

Harry didn't want to lump himself in with all the bastards who had used Severus for what they wanted and drove him to this state anyway. 

"All right, Severus," Harry whispered to the air. "If… if you need space, then…." He called a piece of parchment to himself and a biro. No way could he manage a quill with his hands shaking like this. 

> _ I'm sorry, sir. I won't trouble you any longer. _

He didn't bother to sign it. Severus would know who sent it, and if he dared try to sign his name, he knew he might be tempted to write… other words. Words that would do himself no good and would only cause his mate further pain.

"Winky."

The síoda appeared, ears drooping and eyes wet. "Master?"

Harry folded the parchment and gave it to his síoda friend. "Please take that to Severus. Don't stay. Just… drop it where he can reach it and let him be."

Winky lowered her head and sniffled. "Yes, Master."

She took the parchment with hands that trembled as much as Harry's and reappeared a few seconds later. "Winky is leaving it on his bed."

"Thank you, Winky."

"Is… is Master Harry being well?"

Harry closed his eyes and looked away. He couldn't answer that either.

"Oh." Winky sniffled and hugged his shoulders. "Winky is here, Master."

Harry hugged her and winced at the first sign of tears. "T-thanks, Winky. It helps, but… I think I need a moment."

Winky pulled back reluctantly and wiped her eyes. "You… you is calling Winky if you is needing us, yes?"

"Yes. I… yes." He couldn't reassure her. He couldn't tell her he would be okay. Nothing inside him was whole any longer. 

"Okay, Master. I… Winky is sorry."

"It's not your fault. It's no one's fault. It's just… the way it is."

Winky nodded tearfully. "I is wishing it is being different."

Harry stared at the trees. "Wishes… dreams… I reckon they don't matter much in the light of day." He dropped his gaze to the ground. "I knew it would end this way. I just… forgot, for a while. But I remember now."

Winky's lip trembled. "Master…."

"Ssh. Don't break your heart over me, Winky. I… well, I've survived worse." Even if nothing had ever ripped him hollow and crushed the hope from him like this before. "I'll survive this, too." Maybe.

Winky sniffled and nodded. "We is helping you."

Harry was sure his smile would never be the same. "Yeah. Thank you. Go on about your day, if you can. Or spend a little time with your own mate and help each other, if you need it. I… just need to think for a while."

Winky bowed, though her heart clearly wasn't in it. "Y-yes, Master."

She left, and Harry laid his head on his knees. 

"I… wish it had been different, too."

The admission broke the dam on his heartbreak, and Harry buried strangled tears in his knees. "Oh, _ Severus_. I just wanted to heal you. I still do. I… gods, I wish…."

But wishes could do nothing to fix this. Nothing could fix it now. 

So powerful was his grief, he hardly noticed the noise of someone scaling the house, but he felt it when Xerides swept him into his arms.

"I am here, Harry. For whatever it is worth, I am with you."

Harry choked back tears to chide him. "Xeri, it's _ noon_. You're weak and tired right now. You should be resting."

"You are vulnerable and in pain. I cannot rest, knowing this."

Harry crumpled and buried his head in Xerides' shoulder. He wrapped his wings around his friend in hopes of shielding him from the sun and clung to him for dear life. 

"I-I just want to heal him, but I can't. I _can't_. Everything I do only hurts him more. Maybe it's best to stay away."

Xerides stroked Harry's hair. "Do not give up. There may yet be hope."

"I think, Xeri, that if I care about him at all, I _ have _to. I have to respect his wishes. No one else ever has done before. I… I don't want to be like them."

Xerides nodded, his expression twisted in pain. "Fates, Harry. If I knew of anything to help…."

"Just… don't leave me alone, okay? Now that Ron knows how to tend the gardens and orchard, and 'Mione's learned how to cook when Ron can't, I'm going to give this place to them as an early wedding gift. I'm going to find a new place of my own, but will you come with me? At least, will you promise to stay as near as you safely can?"

Xerides held Harry tight and whispered, "I will never leave you alone."

"T-thanks, Xeri."

Xerides stroked Harry's hair and murmured an Elven lullaby over his head. His voice was gentle and lilting, and his soft voice and strong arms offered Harry a shelter in the storm. If only for a moment.

Harry curled his hand into the elf's tunic and let his grief bleed.

* * *

Harry chose a manor house near Cardiff, Wales for his new home. It was, frankly, far too much house for two bachelors, but the woods surrounding the grounds, the distance from London, and the expansive lab, greenhouses, and botanical gardens had sold both Xerides and Harry on the place. The powerful wards didn't hurt, either. 

Before spring turned to summer and they lost the potential of an entire season, Xerides and Harry moved in and started planting straight away. Focusing on choosing the best layout for a vegetable garden, warding and preparing a stretch of the forest to hold elven plants, and preparing the greenhouses for later additions kept Harry's mind off of the gaping hole in his heart and the absence of Severus in his life.

At least until the time came to sleep. Then, more often than not, Harry found himself creeping into Xerides' warded rooms and curling up beside his friend just so he wouldn't feel so alone. 

Xerides, too, bore the signs of heavy grief since Severus had turned them away, but he never spoke of it unless Harry did first. As speaking of his pain left Harry utterly broken, he rarely allowed himself the luxury.

For Xerides' sake, Harry had blood-warded the place against everyone but his dearest friends and set Xerides' wards so his rooms disappeared to anyone not in on the secret if Xerides was in at the same time anyone who didn't know about him was also present. No one could even floo-call him outside of a dire emergency unless Xerides was either out of the house or safely hidden in his rooms, and the wards sent a warning to the elf to take precautions when people called either way. No one but the DA members who already knew of and accepted Xerides, their síoda, Ron, and Hermione had constant access to their home. 

Well, and Severus, but Harry never expected him to _ use _it. He simply hadn't been able to deny his mate a place with him, useless as it was. 

Most of the time, people left him alone after dinnertime, which was when Xerides woke anyway. 

Well, _ most _ people.

Harry sat at the kitchen table and gave his friend and honourary brother, who sat beside his fiancée and nursed a cup of tea, a wry look. "What was the point of moving out? You two are here all the time anyway."

Hermione chuckled and took a honey biscuit. "Well, you need your friends right now, so here we are."

Harry's heart panged. "Y-yeah. Reckon I do." He blinked hard and summoned three folders of notes. "Well, as long as you're here, we might as well work on the Malfoys' and Severus' trials."

Ron pushed his tea away and nodded. "Did Xeri have any ideas about neutralising the blood purist crowd?"

"I still think Harry's pure intimidation factor will be enough," said Hermione. "He defeated their lord, after all."

Harry nodded. "Yeah, but the problem is that if I lean too hard on intimidation factors, I run the risk of turning off the decent crowd."

"Precious few that there are," said Ron with a growl.

"There are enough to cause us problems if I lose their loyalty, as I learned when I challenged the Wizengamot the last time. It worked then because the decent folk agreed with me and all I was doing was trying to make the courts fair, but this isn't the same kind of situation." Harry leaned back in his chair and sighed. "Xeri thinks the calm and measured, but also firm approach is best."

Ron snorted. "So, like Xeri himself, basically."

"Pretty much. I do think he has a point. My fear is that I might go too far to the soft side and the bigots will try to steamroller me."

"To… what?" Ron blinked. "What's a… stimrolder?"

"_Steamroller_," said Hermione. "It's a giant vehicle muggles use to press roads flat. Harry means he's afraid they'll bully him into losing the case."

"Bully _ you_?" Ron snorted. "Mate, look. You can be all softspoken, but if they try to be arses, remind them you're a bloody Gryffindor and shut them up. Just because you go soft doesn't mean you can't defend yourself."

Harry rubbed his chin. "Speak softly and carry a big stick, yeah?"

"Well I don't recommend leaving your wand behind, mate, but what on earth are you on about now?"

Hermione burst into laughter. Even Harry smiled a little. 

"Merlin, Ron," Hermione choked out around giggles. "Remind me to give you some books on muggle history sometime."

Ron groaned. "Don't you think I've enough to worry about as is? I have you lot to translate Mugglish for me. That's good enough."

Hermione snickered. "Mugglish? Hmm. I actually like that." She shook her head. "Anyway, I think Ron's right, Harry. Go in there respectful and calm, but if they try to run you over, don't be afraid to go Slayer-of-Voldemort mode on them."

Harry snorted, though it held little mirth. "That's a plan, then. Hufflepuff until they hack me off, then bring on the lions."

"Sounds good, mate."

"Yes." Hermione clapped her hands. "Well, hand me Severus' file, Harry, and we'll pick up where we left off last night."

He handed her the folder and tried to smile. "Thank you. Really."

Ron nudged Severus' file to sit between himself and Hermione, flipped it open, and summoned a quill and parchment. "What are sidekicks for, mate, if not to get the hero out of trouble?"

"Yeah." Harry sniffled and sat beside him. "My hero this time, too."

Hermione handed him a biro. "Then let's get to work."

"R-right." Harry pushed his grief and gratitude aside and focused on the task before them. 

As his friends offered advice and help, and Xerides a stable voice of reason when he joined them near sunset, Harry thought maybe this could be enough for him. Even if he never had the family his heart ached for, he had this. If nothing else, he wouldn't be entirely alone.

And, if they could, at least, make the world see the truth about Severus and his only remaining confidant, then maybe it would go some way towards healing the bleeding void inside Harry. It couldn't replace his mate, and it wouldn't heal the loss of what might have been beautiful, had fate and trauma not gotten in the way, but it would give Harry some sense of purpose and his mate the freedom to live his life in peace.

Alone. Like he wanted.

It wasn't what _ Harry _ wanted, but if Severus could at least heal and have a happy life, even if that meant leaving Harry desolate forever, he could be content.

He had to be. It was all he had left.


	41. Shadows and Chains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More heavy angst. Try not to hate Sev too much for this chapter. He's *not* okay, and he needs to heal. A lot. His head *will* remove itself from his ass soon. 😂
> 
> Elvish: _va teloí_: my friend.

#  **Chapter 41**

##  _ Shadows and Chains _

Harry kept his head down and his thoughts well-shielded as he walked the Ministry halls. Lucius' trial would take place in the morning, and his court-appointed barrister had put off meeting with Harry until the last moment. Suspicion already running high, Harry raced towards the DMLE holding cells, where the man had just arrived to question Lucius, as Kingsley had informed him via patronus a few moments before. The auror was doing his best to stall the bastard, but Harry still had to hurry. He didn't trust the man not to sabotage Lucius as an act of revenge for betraying the pureblood 'code.'

Yet, as he passed a cell with a certain lanky, glowering man inside, Harry could do nothing but watch and breathe. Try to breathe. Oh, gods, it hurt.

Severus glared at him from under a curtain of hair and pressed his hand over the lower half of his face. His fingers trembled even as his glare hardened, and Harry's breath stilled. His soul cracked. His heart gave a painful stutter and bled.

Severus growled, "I have nothing to say to you, Potter. It's your fault that I—" He cut himself off and covered the rest of his face. "Go. Please."

Harry tried to obey. He tried to move away without making a sound, without letting on how much it hurt.

But as he turned, his shields cracked, for just an instant, and a breathy sob escaped his control. He winced, swallowed his tears, slammed his grief into his mental shields, and forced himself to walk away. Severus' gaze burned his back until he turned the corner and left the D-block behind.

"I-I'm sorry, Severus," he breathed to his mate, knowing he was beyond earshot but unable to stop himself. "I… f-fuck. Hurts." He choked back another sob.."Oh, gods, I'm so bloody sorry." 

It did no good. Severus couldn't hear him, and he wouldn't listen even if he could. 

With a quiet whimper, Harry shoved his heartbreak down and dragged himself to Lucius' cell.

Silently, he breathed, _ "Oh, Severus. I would love your pain away if only I could." _

But he couldn't, and Lucius needed him now. He forced his anguish to quiet in the stillness of the forest and moved on. 

It was all he could do.

* * *

Severus' fury at Harry squirmed in his gut at the sound of his stifled sob. He looked up to find Harry hunched over and hiding his face in shaking hands. His entire body shuddered in pain, but no other sound save the ragged rasp of uneven breaths left his lips. He stood frozen for a moment, then staggered forwards an unsteady step. Then another.

Severus watched him walk away, his belly cold and heavy with guilt and his chest bleeding. It… it couldn't be real. This terrible, heartsick grief—it couldn't be all due to _him_, could it?

But he remembered the way Harry had shuddered as if struck under the resounding blow of Severus' earlier accusation, and his insides squirmed again. In that instant, he swore he had watched something in the boy curl up and die.

But that was preposterous. They had never been close enough to engender that kind of grief.

A whisper drifted around the corner, ragged with pain and barely audible even to Severus' well-trained ears. No doubt, Harry thought no one would hear it.

"I-I'm sorry, Severus…."

Severus' mouth fell open. _ 'Severus?' _ Why the hell was Harry using his first name?

Another desperately stifled sob and a curse, fraught with terrible pain, made Severus flinch. 

Regardless of what appellation Harry had chosen, there could be no doubt of _ whom _ he had referred to. 

_ Severus _ had shattered Harry's heart. _ He _had brought those shadows to the boy's eyes and broken the enduring spirit inside him.

The trouble was Severus felt the same way. Everything was grey and hollow, and he just wanted peace. He just wanted rest, where his pain would no longer cause him to lash out at the only person who had ever shown him any semblance of unconditional love.

_ "Loathe me if you want. I will never regret saving you." _

Yet the boy was breaking before his eyes.

Severus might apologise, but _ fuck_! It was Harry's fault he was still alive to suffer. Harry's fault he would have to step into the courtroom tomorrow without the shield he had worn for twenty years. 

He felt down his nose and shuddered. Straight. Healthy. _ Healed_, like the rest of him. Everything except the broken, battered, gaping maw of agony inside him.

Harry might only have meant to save him, but Severus hadn't wanted to be saved, and Harry had also stripped his mask away with his healing. Everyone would look at Severus tomorrow. They would look, and they would _ see_, and it terrified him to his core. 

Gods help him, he didn't want them to see.

Maybe it was cruel of him, but he couldn't forgive Harry for revealing his true face to the world.

Even if the boy had only been trying to save his life.

Even if Severus' anger had utterly crushed the spirit and joy out of Harry.

Harry was young and popular. He would recover.

Wouldn't he?

* * *

Lucius watched the court-appointed barrister storm away with a swirl of sick terror roiling in his belly. This, then, was to be his fate. To be vilified and excoriated before the courts and go to his death, not as a spy, but as a villain. Severus had warned him of this, and Lucius thought he had come to accept it, but with the reality of his dire fate looming before him, dear _ gods_, he could hardly breathe for terror.

Much as he tried to be brave, gods help him, he wasn't ready to die.

A gentle hand curled around his chin and brought his face around to a pair of verdant eyes. 

"Lucius. Look at me. Come on. Breathe." Harry rubbed a silent tear away. "Ssh. It's going to be okay. I know it seems terrible now, but don't be afraid. I'm not going to let that arse nail you to the wall. He's not going to represent you at all, given he's a clear conflict of interest."

Kingsley, sitting opposite Lucius with a grim expression, nodded. "What choice do we have, Harry? You know damn well there's no time to find a new barrister."

Harry frowned. "I'll represent him myself."

"It would be suicide even if you weren't a conflict of interest. You don't know how to act as a barrister."

Harry glanced to Lucius, but Kingsley shook his head and raised his hand in a gesture to stop.

"And if Lucius tries to defend himself, his capability and qualifications won't matter. The Wizengamot will eviscerate him out of sheer spite."

Harry rubbed his forehead. "We can't stand by and let that slime ruin him. Could you…?"

Kingsley shook his head. "I'm an auror, not a barrister. I can question him, but I can't provide counterarguments to the prosecution."

Harry cocked his head. "What if we eliminated the prosecution?"

"How do you expect to do that?"

"A Veritaserum trial. If we approach Augusta now and tell her the situation, I think she'll agree."

Lucius rubbed his arms and shivered. "A-and if she doesn't?"

Harry sat beside Lucius and ran a gentle hand up and down his back. "She will, but if she doesn't… is there anyone in the Order who could help?"

Kingsley frowned and rubbed his chin. "Hm. Hestia is a barrister, I think. It would be tough to prepare a case for him overnight, though."

"She can lean on me all she wants. And if we also did Veritaserum, it would reduce the amount she needs to prepare, wouldn't it?"

"Yes, it would." Kingsley turned to Lucius. "Are you willing to submit to questioning under Veritaserum, Lucius?"

"Do I have a choice? My other option is a public lynching."

"I need a yes or no officially. I can't advocate for it without your explicit permission."

"Yes. Merlin, yes."

Kingsley squeezed Lucius' wrist and stood. "All right. Then I'm off to speak to Augusta and Hestia, but…." He hesitated. "Lucius, you had nothing to do with torturing Frank and Alice, right?"

Lucius shuddered. "That was a revenge hit organised by Bellatrix and her insane cohorts. I did not even know of the attack until it was over." He wrapped his arms around his waist and dropped his head. "I… I have done terrible things, Kingsley, but to torture a couple in front of each other and their infant son until their minds break? Dear _ gods_, no."

"Right. Be prepared to speak of that under Veritaserum tomorrow. Augusta _ will _ question you about it. You sit tight and go over your testimony with Harry. I'll be back soon."

Harry gave Kingsley a one-armed hug. "King, ask Hestia if she's willing to represent Draco, Narcissa, and Severus, too. If they did this to Lucius…."

"There is no doubt they'll do it to the others, too." Kingsley shook his head grimly. "This isn't justice. True, the likes of Bellatrix and Rookwood _ deserve _ the worst we can throw at them, but they're supposed to have a fair trial to decide that first."

"Thankfully, Bellatrix is no longer a concern." Lucius had never had much love lost on his sister-in-law, even as a loyal Death Eater.

"Yeah." Harry nodded to Kingsley. "Go on, King. I don't know how much we can do to ensure fair trials for all of them, but I'll sure as hell try."

"I think that's all we can do, kiddo." Kingsley patted Lucius' shoulder. "Don't lose faith. We're going to make it right."

Lucius thanked him and watched him leave. As soon as the auror disappeared around the corner, Lucius shuddered and held Harry's wrist. "Harry, will you… Narcissa and Draco, and Severus, too?"

Harry squeezed Lucius' hand. "It's going to be okay. I won't let the Ministry make scapegoats of them, either. Narcissa never did anything remotely bad enough for Azkaban, Severus has been fighting this war from the inside longer and harder than any of us, and most of what Draco did was under duress. I'll protect them, I promise."

Lucius clung to his hand. "Thank you." His voice came out rough. 

Harry brought him into a gentle hug. "It'll be all right." He gave him a wan smile. "You'll have your family all safe, soon."

"Harry? Are you well?"

Harry blinked hard. "Have to be. You need me. I only wish…." He shook his head. "It's nothing. Nothing that can be fixed anyway. Just worry about your trial. I… I'm not okay, but I'll pull through. You need your head on straight if you expect to do the same."

Lucius searched his eyes. Hollow, broken, haunted. Damn. Harry hadn't looked like this in the battle or at Lucius' first interrogation. The war had traumatised him, of course—it had traumatised everyone—but he hadn't lost hope. No, Harry had looked positively carefree then as compared to now.

What had shattered him, if the war hadn't done it?

"Lucius." Harry's firm tone brought him back to the situation at hand. "There's nothing you can do to help me, though I appreciate the concern. Right now, you need to focus on your own problems. I'll be okay. Eventually."

Lucius swallowed hard and cautiously took Harry's other hand. "I am here if you need me."

Harry gave him a weary smile. "Thank you. Now, run through the high points of your testimony again with me."

Lucius nodded and obeyed.

* * *

Severus waited outside courtroom ten, shuddering against his memories of the place and his own terror. Someone had seen fit to remove the dementors, thank the gods, but their ghosts still lurked about the place, turning everything cold and grey. Perhaps Severus only had his memories and trauma to blame for their lingering shadows, but the icy chill of their soul-bleeding presence amplified his fears and set him shaking.

Until today, Severus had hidden the alterations to his features either with his hands or hair. He hadn't looked anyone in the eye since the night of the battle. Now, he would have no choice. If he expected to help Lucius, he would have to face the courts head-on, without the shield of hands, hair, or glamours. And, terrified and miserable as he was, Severus couldn't abandon the only friend he had left.

A small voice reminded him of Harry's pain and clear devotion to him, but he smacked it away. If Harry hadn't intervened, he wouldn't have to face his nightmares all over again. If Harry had only let him die….

While Harry watched the life fade from his eyes after begging him to survive. While Severus lay dying in his arms and….

Wait.

In his _arms_?

Severus frowned and struggled to recall that fragment of trauma-dim memory again. Harry had saved his life, he had known that from Hippa, but this was the first time he had recalled anything of the experience.

_ Strong arms holding him tight. Tears like stars raining on his face. Streams of silver mist in the air. _

_ "Don't leave me…." _

_ Something sweet and dark on his lips. Gentle fingers in his hair. _

_ "I'm here. You're going to be okay." _

_ Eyes like the sun on a backdrop of red feathers, wide and full of deep emotion. _

_ "Oh, Severus! Have you been hiding all this time?" _

_ Terror and tears and desperate cries in the night. A wave of cold agony stealing what remained of his breath. _

_ "No! Hold on…."_

The images faded to a wash of darkness. The feathers must have been delirium so close to death, but the other images… gods.

If Harry had let Severus die, he would have shattered beyond repair. 

Severus dropped his head and choked back a sob. Oh, gods. He hadn't known Harry had been so deeply affected. He hadn't known the boy had cared so much.

And how strange that Severus hadn't been afraid to be held in his arms. Even after coming so close to suffering that night, Harry's hand in Severus' hair, the gentle touches against his cheek, the feel of strong legs curled under his bum and a supporting arm under his shoulders... none of it had frightened him. Perhaps because he had known—or at least, he thought he had known—that they would both soon be dead, it hadn't frightened him.

Or perhaps Harry had earned his trust long ago. Even if Severus couldn't admit it even to himself at the moment.

Wait.

The horcrux. Severus had been so focused on his anger and suffering, he had forgotten it, but Merlin! He should have asked someone long before now.

How had Harry survived at all? How could Riddle be dead if Harry lived?

Yet, he _ was _ alive, even if Severus had no idea how, and he was clearly doing everything he could to help Severus and his friend regardless of his own pain.

Severus curled into himself. _ Damn_. Maybe it wasn't fair to be so angry.

And yet, he couldn't let it go. Was peace so much to ask for?

As the aurors hauled him to his feet and led him at wandpoint into the courtroom, he knew it was. 

Well, soon it would be his turn to endure this, and no court would let the murderer of Albus Dumbledore survive. 

Perhaps peace wasn't so far off after all.

* * *

After giving his testimony for Lucius, Severus sat in a vestibule outside the courtroom and stared at the walls, tormented by all he had witnessed that day. The prosecution had tried to make Lucius and himself look like demons, of course, but Hestia and Harry had taken them on at every point. Harry had been mature, controlled, and steadfast. Yet, every time the prosecution attempted to overrule him or treat him like a foolish child, Harry had unleashed his inner lion and put them in their place. 

By the time Harry and Hestia had finished with them, every single one of Lucius and Severus' detractors had come out looking like the bigoted fools they were and Lucius and Severus like heroes.

Severus doubted it would make any difference. The Wizengamot would surely spin some loophole to force a guilty verdict on Lucius, whether the man had committed any of the crimes they accused him of or not. It was just how the world worked for anyone who went against the pureblood regime. It always would be. 

Severus mourned his friend's fate and tried to ignore the way his guard muttered that he would be next, all the scum would get what they deserved, and so on. 

Let them come. He would embrace his fate with open arms.

The courtroom went silent. Severus listened through the doors. This was the moment of truth.

_ 'I am so sorry, my friend.' _

"In the case of the public against Lucius Abraxas Malfoy, the Wizengamot has reached a verdict. Mister Malfoy is found guilty of supplying the dark with funds, torture of a muggle family, passing on a dark object to a child, breaking and entering in the Department of Mysteries, and of six counts of child endangerment and aggravated assault while there. All other charges have been found spurious and have been dropped."

Severus froze. _ 'Dropped?' _

The auror guard cursed so much, Severus almost missed Lucius' sentencing.

"—Regards to his sentence, the Wizengamot has taken Mister Malfoy's contributions to ending the war into consideration, as well as the clear alteration of his character."

Olivia. Harry had loaned Lucius his wand and asked him to produce his patronus halfway through the trial. The sight of her had rendered them all speechless. Merlin. Would his hail Mary of a defence actually _ work_?

"The Wizengamot has thus decided that a sentence of eighteen months in the Dawning Light Detention Centre and six months probation is sufficient punishment for his crimes."

Severus swayed and fell against the wall. Eighteen months in Harry's rehabilitation program, not Azkaban. Oh, bloody hell, he had done it! The boy had saved Lucius!

Tears formed in Severus' eyes, and he dropped his head to hide them. Oh, gods. Harry had just performed miracles for Lucius.

And what did that mean for himself?

The auror guard sputtered and cursed, at least until Harry walked out with Hestia, Kingsley, and Lucius in tow. Then, the bastard jumped to attention so fast, Severus might have thought he had been electrocuted had he not known better.

"One and a half years," Harry was saying to Lucius. "You can do that, right?"

Lucius blinked hard. "I… didn't expect to survive. A year and a half in your treatment centre is a miracle I had not dared hope for."

Harry squeezed his hand. "I told you it would be okay. We'll make sure Draco, Narcissa, and…." He stopped dead at the sight of Severus, and every shred of relief on his face died a quick death. Harry shuddered and turned away. "And the headmaster receive a fair trial, too."

So Severus was the headmaster to Harry now, hmm?

"Yes. I… thank you." Lucius gave Severus a hesitant smile. "Did you hear the end of the trial?"

Severus inclined his head. "I am relieved for you."

Lucius nodded. "Merlin, so am I. You, too, will be safe. I am sure of it."

Severus gave a bitter snort and declined to answer.

"Safe…." Harry glanced around the vestibule and frowned. "Sir, why are you being held here?"

"His guard was waiting for the order to take him back to his cell," Kingsley replied. "In case he was needed for further testimony."

"Hmm." Harry glanced to Severus' guard, who had managed to hide neither his anger nor his hatred, and frowned. "Wait on giving that order, King." He turned back to Severus. "Who is guarding you, sir?"

Severus scowled at the boy. Did he not see the guard somehow?

"You misunderstand me, sir. I meant, who is guarding you from the guards' prejudice?"

The auror snarled. Severus looked away. 

"I see." Harry sighed. "Neither King nor Hestia can leave Lucius at the moment, and I…." He shook his head and took a shuddering breath. "Right. Dobby?"

A strangely-dressed house elf appeared. "How is Dobby helping Master Harry?"

"Please keep watch over Headmaster Snape until his Order guard arrives. I need to get Lucius settled in now, and I can't—well, you know the situation, my friend."

Dobby nodded, ears low and eyes heavy with sorrow despite his ridiculous getup. "Dobby will be keeping the bad wizards from breaking their own laws."

The auror gave a disgusted huff. "Traitors."

Harry fixed him with a look of cold steel. "You are paid to guard the headmaster, nothing more. Keep your foul comments to yourself, or I'll see to it that you're the first to be punished under the new DMLE law against bias on the job."

The auror blanched. "Y-yes, sir."

"Good answer. Though don't call me sir." Harry turned, gave Severus a blank look that did nothing to hide the heartbreak in his eyes, and moved away. "Come on, King. Let's go before the fawning idiots find us."

"Good luck, Severus." Lucius bowed his head to his fellow spy. "I will see you soon, I hope."

Severus nodded back, though his heart wasn't in it. He watched the group leave, emotions conflicted. He _ was _still angry, but seeing how much it hurt Harry… fuck. It was hard to stay angry at someone so miserable.

Severus dropped his head, wished his hands were free to lean on, and longed for the peace that drifted further out of reach by the moment.

* * *

Lucius settled into the chair beside his new desk with a shudder of pure relief. The centre's furniture was more practical than lavish, but after spending three weeks in a Ministry holding cell, Lucius rejoiced in having access to proper furniture at all. At least it was all clean and fully-functional, if not the most aristocratic. 

He could live with that. 

Now, if only Draco and Narcissa could be safe again, he would be content. Narcissa's trial took place in the morning, and Harry was confident she would be released altogether. Narcissa had never committed war crimes, after all, whether under duress or otherwise.

Draco, however, was another story. While it was true Riddle had used his mother's life as leverage against the boy, he had done quite a lot more damage his sixth year than Lucius had ever been responsible for. Katie Bell had spent months recovering from that horrid necklace, and even now she still hadn't regained full use of her left hand. And the school… Severus had managed to prevent any deaths save the one he had no choice but to carry out, but Draco had been the one to lead the Death Eaters in, and injuries had abounded that night. As well, they might attempt to pin Dumbledore's death on Draco if Harry managed to clear Severus.

Either way, keeping Draco from Azkaban, Lucius feared, would be a steep challenge. Particularly since Draco had yet to fully abandon the blood purist views of their former lives.

Gods, Lucius prayed Harry could pull off another miracle. 

"You all right?" Harry squeezed Lucius' shoulder. "Do you need anything else?"

Lucius shook his head. "The books you retrieved will keep me busy, and perhaps offer insight into the other trials."

Harry gave him a wan smile. "Good. Then I'm going to get some rest before Narcissa's trial. You can call Linny or Emily if you need anything until nine, and Reiko will be on shift after then. They know how to reach me if necessary."

"Thank you, Harry. For everything."

Harry's smile held none of the joy it used to. "It's just the right thing to do. Goodnight, Lucius."

"Goodnight." Lucius watched the door close behind Harry and sighed into his hands. After observing his behaviour around Severus that day, and Severus' around Harry, Lucius knew what—or rather, who—had put the shadows and grief in Harry's eyes.

He had no idea how to help. Much as he cared for both men, he had little to offer. Severus was grieving and angry at everyone, and Harry refused to speak of his pain. Lucius could hardly be expected to counsel either man while he remained locked away from the world anyway.

Merlin, what a mess.

Lucius shook his head and pulled _ Rights of Law Moste Ancient _to him. Perhaps he could do nothing to heal their hearts, but if he could help keep Severus and his own family out of Azkaban, that was a start.

* * *

In the two weeks since Lucius' trial, Harry had ensured that Narcissa was exonerated entirely and Draco received two years in the detention centre plus five years probation. He had also seen to it that Blaise Zabini, who had fought for the Light in the Battle of Hogwarts and had turned his back on the dark long before, received two years in the centre and three years probation, and the other dark students under eighteen who had fought in the battle received five years in the centre with fifteen years probation.

Now, Severus sat in the chair of the accused and watched his own fate unfurl. 

Harry, again, stood in as a representative against bias and as a key witness to Severus' true character. Severus had to admit the boy played the courts like a master. He overturned every thread of suspicion and retribution until Severus came out looking like more of a hero than Harry.

And he never once met Severus' eyes while he did it.

"The Wizengamot has taken all evidence concerning Master Snape's actions over the past twenty years into account, as well as his service to the light. We have decided, in a vote of ninety-six to thirty-four, to exonerate Master Snape of all charges. He is officially pardoned and released from Ministry custody as soon as the DMLE is finished processing his release."

Exonerated. Pardoned. Oh, gods. The words rolled around in his brain, foreign and strange. He sat in shocked stillness until a pair of shadowed emerald eyes finally met his. Harry. Tears shimmered at the corners of his eyes and quiet, stoic heartbreak haunted their depths. The edges of his thoughts cut like razor blades.

"You're free now, sir." After those quiet, sorrow-laden words, Harry wrapped his arms about his waist, dropped his head, and walked away. 

The sight hit Severus like a kick to the gut. Gods. He had no idea how, but Harry had, by all appearances, come to care about him deeply over the past two years. And Severus' anger had broken the boy's heart.

Severus dropped his head to hide the welling in his own eyes. Merlin, he truly had been unfair to Harry, hadn't he? The boy had broken himself to respect Severus' wishes, all the while still fighting to save him from the demons who wanted him to burn.

And Severus had repaid him with fury and blame.

Gods. He had to move on somehow. Harry deserved better than this. He deserved an apology and welcome in Severus' life.

But Severus hadn't the capability to offer it. Not when he still resented his survival and every part of him was broken and bleeding. No. If he tried to speak to Harry now, he would only hurt the boy all over again, even if he no longer wanted to.

Before he could begin to heal that breach, somehow, he had to find the courage to survive in a life he had lost all desire for long ago. He had no strength to spare for anything else.

Severus dragged himself out of the accused's chair at Kingsley's urging. 

"Buck up, Severus. This is a good thing, isn't it?"

Severus chose to ignore Kingsley's comments and forced his shaking legs to move. Good. Hah. It only meant the peace he had longed for had evaded him entirely.

Minerva met him at the door, eyes damp and expression shamed. 

Oh _ no._

"Severus, I… Merlin, I had no idea you were on our side all along. Forgive me, please."

He turned his face away. "You were never meant to know."

"I… be that as it may, I still feel terrible. I should have trusted you better."

Yes, she should have, but it was too late now.

"Well, I came to offer you the potions post for the coming year if you will take it. Horace is not interested in teaching any longer now that the war is behind us."

Neither was Severus, but what else could he do? He had nothing to his name. At least Hogwarts would offer a steady income.

Even if Severus thought he might go mad at the idea of setting foot on its rolling hills once more. 

He found himself nodding and wished he might crawl into a hole and stay there forever. Trapped. Again.

He would never _ truly _ be free, no matter what Harry thought.

* * *

Harry returned home, barely able to see for tears, and found himself caught in strong arms. Xerides. Thank the gods. 

Harry buried his face in his friend's strong chest and held on for dear life. "Hurts. So much."

Xerides tucked Harry into his arms. With his head bowed over Harry's and all that silvery hair cascading around him, Harry felt sheltered and warm despite the raging heartbreak inside. 

"I am here, _ va teloí_. Hold on to me and let your grief bleed. I am content to hold you as long as you need."

Harry whimpered and kissed Xerides' chest through his vest. The elf's breath caught and his arms tightened around Harry, and, just for an instant, Harry wished his core had aligned to Xerides instead. 

Severus hated him. Even after everything Harry had done, the man still saw him as a pest.

And Xerides… well, he loved Harry. Perhaps not as a mate, but then, there had always been that shadow of fate between them. If Severus hadn't been Harry's mate, Harry was sure Xerides could have welcomed him.

And Harry…. He recalled that moment before the battle, when Xerides had kissed the blood from his wrist and set him alight. Yes, Harry could have easily welcomed his elven friend into his heart, if not for the bond to Severus.

But the bond existed, much as it hurt Harry right now, and even if it had only ever, and would never bring him anything but pain, Harry couldn't help loving his mate. Severus was a man of honour, integrity, and compassion, even if he never showed that side of himself to his mate, and he was bleeding inside. 

Harry recalled the fleeting moments he had seen Severus' shields break over the last few days. Harry had occluded with all his strength throughout the entire trial and prep, brutal in his unswerving focus upon the case and nothing else, but in that last instant, when the verdict had come and the case had ended, Harry's shields had cracked. 

_ "You're free, sir." _

Then, Severus had looked at him like his world had just broken to pieces. 

Harry had ached so much to reach out to him, to hold him and let him know it wasn't the end, that beauty still awaited him, if only he would let it in….

But Severus didn't want to hear those words, not from Harry, and so, he had had no choice but to turn and walk away, though it killed him to do it.

No. Even if it hurt like hell, Harry still wanted Severus for his mate. He only wished Severus wanted him, too.

Small arms hugged his legs, and Harry looked down to see Dobby and Winky hugging him tight. Kreacher wouldn't leave Severus' side until the man was safe.

"Master," said Winky, eyes glimmering with tears, "we is loving you."

Harry rubbed her hair. "Thank you. I love you, too."

"Oi, don't forget us." A pair of strong, freckled arms embraced him and Xerides alike, and browner, smaller arms hugged them below that. "We love you, too, mate, even if I know it's not the same."

Hermione kissed Harry's wet cheek. "I know it hurts. We're here for you, okay? Anytime you need it."

Harry wiped his face and gave them all a shaky smile. "Thanks. All of you. I—" his voice broke. "Merlin, I'd be lost without you."

Xerides stroked Harry's hair. "We shall never leave you desolate."

Harry blinked another wave of tears back. "I… y-yeah. Thank you." He took a few deep breaths and wiped his face. "Well, since we have some time until Greengrass' trial, do you lot want to come work on something for NEWTs with me? Maybe not potions, but something. I need to think of something else."

"Bill sent me some information on charms cursebreakers need to know," said Ron. "Want to come practise them together? I think you might even be able to modify some of them to work with your magic, Xeri. Well, maybe not _ now_, given it's daytime, but it might be interesting in theory anyway."

Xerides smiled, though it held an edge of grief. "If you wish me to help, I shall."

Hermione squeezed his hand. "It's more that we don't want to leave you out and Harry needs you, but if you're not too tired, we could always work on herbology after we go through these new charms."

"That sounds good to me if it's okay with Xeri." Harry gave his elf friend a searching look. "Do you have the energy to help?"

"I cannot sleep at the moment regardless. The trial has left me restless, so a bit of study sounds like the perfect way to settle my nerves. We shall work on your meditation afterwards, yes?"

"If it helps you sleep," said Harry. "I could use a kip myself."

Xerides nodded sadly. "Yes. Neither of us have been able to rest well. Perhaps now that Severus' trial is behind us…."

Harry smiled, a painful sight. "Yeah, maybe."

"Winky is making some chamomile tea and butter biscuits for when you are finished," said the síoda. "Maybe it be helping you sleep."

"Dobby will help Kreacher to watch over Master's mate, so Master Harry does not need to worry for him."

Harry hugged them all in turn. "Thank you. That sounds lovely. Don't wear yourself out, Dobby."

"Yes, Master Harry."

The síoda left, and Harry raked a hand through his hair with a sigh. 

"Well, come on then. Let's see those charms, Ron."

His friends followed him into the first floor study, and Harry tried to be content, for their sake, even if half his heart was languishing alone at Spinner's End. 

_ 'I'm sorry, Severus. If I knew how to love you through this, if you could let me love you, I would.' _

With a little shake, Harry forced his attention back to Ron's list and away from his broken heart.


	42. Hold On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Early chapter with a light at the end of the tunnel, because I finished writing this! Whoo! Clocked in at 53 chapters and ~188k words. Still needs editing in places, but the bulk of the story is *done!* 😄 
> 
> Quarantine time with possible COVID-19 is productive time, at least. 😅 For now, anyway. Might change if I get sicker.
> 
> **Elvish:**  
_Tethána_: "Thank you."  
_Va teloí_: "My friend."  
_Fána fèríne te li ède deívos se uvé ta_: "Fair fortune and may the gods watch over you."

#  **Chapter 42**

##  _ Hold On _

Sometimes Harry missed the camaraderie of studying at Hogwarts, but taking his NEWTs privately had done wonders for his marks. Studying filled the void Severus' continued distance left behind, and so, Harry contented himself with throwing his energy into his studies. He graduated in early May with marks nearly as high as Hermione. If not for his E grade in History and Hermione's additional electives, they would have tied for scores.

The accomplishment didn't bring him as much joy or pride as it should have done.

They worked on the situation with the síoda, too, but with so little information about the curse available to them, Hermione thought it best that they finish their schooling and make their way into adult circles first, where they might find better information. The síoda agreed, and so, the trio focused on masteries and apprenticeships for the time being.

Kreacher brought him reports on Severus daily, and hearing about the man's descent into depression and alcoholism left Harry bleeding. He ached to help Severus, but what could he do? In the end, he decided to specialise in healing potions and began pursuing a mastery in both that and defence as soon as he finished his NEWTs. If he could invent a potion for mental health, perhaps he might still be able to help Severus, even if his mate would never know.

Harry wasn't stupid enough to publish his work under his true name, after all. Especially not if said work would use his tears or blood. The public would drain him dry in their mad craze to get their hands on a "Potter Potion."

No, Harry would have to establish himself in the potions community under an alias. At least it meant what fame he earned there would come of his own merit.

It would be a long slog to get there, though. In defence, he only lacked a bit of theory Xerides hadn't been able to teach them as an elf, but for potions, he had to study hard. Not simply the chemistry of ingredients, preparation methods, and adverse reactions, but anatomy and physiology, organic chemistry, and psychology, and how magic interacted with them all.

It was fascinating work, if challenging, and Harry hardly noticed the passage of time while he threw his all into pursuing his masteries. So much so, that when it came time to stand as best man for Ron and Hermione that summer, he wondered where the spring had gone.

Against a backdrop of starry sky, green leaves, and red Forest House roses, Hermione floated up the aisle in a pale pink and white wedding dress, eyes aglow and cheeks flushed beneath her veil. Ron cried as she came to him, his face suffused with such joy and love, that even Harry found it in him to smile for them. He _ was _happy for them. They had loved each other for almost a decade. It was about time they sealed their bond for life.

He only wished seeing their joy didn't bring it home to him all over again that this was forever out of his reach.

As the others danced and laughed and celebrated, Harry wished his friends well and slipped into the forest, where Xerides watched the proceedings under the cover of the trees. The night elf greeted him with a sad smile and a kiss to Harry's temple.

"Come," Xerides said, voice gentle. "Come and let me ease your sorrow a little."

Harry fell into his arms with a sniffle. "Am I a bad friend for hurting like this when I should be happy?"

Xerides rubbed Harry's back. "No. You supported them, did you not?"

"Yeah. I tried anyway."

"You did well. And you are happy for them, are you not?"

"Yeah. They deserve this."

"Then you have done nothing worthy of such censure. Peace, Harry. You are a lovely person and a good friend. That you are also mourning does not lessen your loyalty."

Harry nodded against Xerides' chest and tucked the elf's long hair behind his ears. "I don't know what I would do without you." He traced the edges of Xerides' ears, and Xerides' breath hitched. 

Harry leaned against his friend's chest again, absently stroking the tip of Xerides' ear. "I'm so glad you found me."

A soft whimper escaped the elf, and Harry looked up to see Xerides shaking, flushed, and breathing hard. He rubbed the elf's cheek.

"Hey, are you—"

Xerides jerked away with a quiet cry and clapped his hands over his ears. "Oh, Diana save me."

"Xeri?" Harry stroked the elf's back. "Are you—"

Xerides moved away again. In the moonlight through the trees and the way he staggered and shielded himself, Harry caught a glimpse of his problem. A rather large problem, centred between his legs.

"Oh, hell. Xeri—you—what happened?"

Xerides leaned against a tree, back to Harry, and panted harshly. "My ears. Elven ears are—oh, gods—incredibly sensitive."

Harry flushed. "_What_? Oh, bloody hell." He choked out a shocked, nervous giggle and rubbed the back of his neck. "I… shite! I'm sorry, Xeri. I didn't mean to…."

"I know. Just… give me a moment."

"Y-yeah, all right."

Harry leaned against a tree and waited, squirming with shame and embarrassment, until Xerides straightened and turned back around, face crimson. "Forgive me."

"It was my fault. I was too familiar with you. I'm sorry."

"It is quite all right. Shall we watch the reception a little more?"

"I think I'd rather take a walk, unless you want to stay?"

"A walk is fine with me."

Harry nodded and headed into the trees, Xerides at his side. 

Merlin, what had possessed Harry to touch poor Xerides like that? He hadn't any right. He belonged to Severus, and as little as Severus cared what Harry did, Harry still belonged to him. And Xerides cared about them both, too.

Maybe he should back off a little with Xerides. At least not touch him so closely. It wasn't fair to Xerides nor his mate.

Even if Severus didn't care at all. 

Harry sighed and listened to the sounds of distant music and laughter fade into chirps and hoots and the rickety chatter of cicadas. Ah. That was more like it. Nothing like the solace of nature offered to clear his mind.

After awhile, they came to the clearing where Harry had first met his elven friend. Merlin, how much had changed since then. He looked up and gave Xerides a wan smile. 

"_Tethána, va teloí_."

Xerides turned slowly, as if distracted by his thoughts. "Hm?"

"For never asking me to put on a mask. For being here to help me whether I'm happy or broken, and never demanding that I pretend." He added in a stammer, "E-even when I make a total arse of myself." His cheeks flamed.

Xerides chuckled, though the sound held sorrow, too. "Do not fret. No harm done." He laid a gentle hand on Harry's hair. "And as to the rest of your statement… you are my dearest friend, Harry. Of course I wish for you to be happy, but I want to stay with you in your dark moments, too, just as you have done for me."

Harry nodded. "I'm glad."

They stood in silence for a moment, listening to the sounds of the forest and watching the moonlight on the stream.

"Want to go get some of those blackberries back there, Xeri? They look ripe."

"Yes, let us gather some for dessert tomorrow, too."

"Sounds good." Harry led his friend into the trees and let the sweet nectar nature offered and the simple solace of Xerides' company heal his wounds.

* * *

Ron and Hermione had decorated the Forest House for another wedding, this time a síoda bonding. Snow fell softly and glittered like stars as Winky stepped out from the trees, Xerides at her side. She wore a pale lavender gown fashioned a bit like Hermione's as the síoda had adored it. Rather than a veil, however, Winky had the flowers of the season in her hair. Frost roses, holly, and pine wove around her head like a crown, and more holly berries decorated her hair, grown long again after three years of good health. Dobby, dressed in one of Kreacher's suits for Winky's sake, practically vibrated with happiness as she approached. He still hadn't grown hair, but then again, he _ was _part goblin.

Harry stood by his friends and watched as Xerides united the síoda couple in the elven fashion, heart torn between joy and grief. Merlin, he wished Severus could be here to see this. Ron and Hermione had been there every step of the way, of course. Dean, Luna, Ginny, Michael, Seamus, and Neville had all come to celebrate with the síoda and Harry, too. Even Hippa had made an appearance to wish her former colleagues joy in their bond, but there was no word from Severus other than he was drinking again.

Harry stared at the champagne Hermione handed out late in the evening, stomach twisting in knots at the stark reminder of his mate's suffering. 

_ 'Severus… gods. I wish you would let me help you.' _

But he wouldn't. He wouldn't even speak to him.

A shout rang out among his friends, and he looked up to see Hermione and Winky kissing their respective husbands with joy. Michael and Ginny, too. 

Ah. Midnight already. Harry turned away, chest tight and heavy with grief.

A soft kiss fell on the side of Harry's forehead.

"Happy new year, Harry."

Harry gave Xerides a wan smile and squeezed his hand. "Happy new year to you as well. Do elves usually celebrate this holiday?"

"Mm. Not so much. We celebrate the old holidays. Imbolc, Samhain, Yule, and so on."

"Yule…." Harry stared at his half-drunk champagne. "Xeri, Severus' birthday is next week. Do you suppose if I sent him a gift it would help or hurt him?"

Xerides closed his eyes. "Fates, I cannot say, _ va teloí_. There is no telling how he would react, but…." He looked to the happy couples and sighed. "I do not know if it will help with your broken bond, but, perhaps, it may help him feel less alone, if only for a moment."

Harry set his glass aside and nodded. "Then I suppose I have some research to do."

Xerides squeezed his hand and murmured, "_Fána fèríne te ède deívos se uvé ta_."

Harry paused a second to translate the sentence. Ah. A blessing and wish for good luck. "_Tethàna, va teloí_."

Xerides bowed and sipped his champagne.

* * *

Severus checked at the door to his quarters. He had planned to drown the day's memories in firewhiskey and scotch, but it seemed he had one more task to deal with first. 

He scanned the small, wrapped box upon his living room table for curses and, finding none, sat on the sofa to open it. Inside the plain, brown paper, a letter sat atop a box of ebony-stained wood, and Severus lifted it, curious and wary at once.

Oh, damn. He knew that untidy scrawl too well. 

> _ Professor Snape, _
> 
> _ No need to reply. No obligation, either. I simply wanted you to have this. _
> 
> _ It's okay if you throw it out. I just wanted you to know that… well, I suppose it doesn't matter. Do what you will with these. I hope they serve you well. _
> 
> _ Happy birthday, sir, for what it's worth. _
> 
> _ Harry _

Severus winced at the hopeless tone of the letter. So Harry expected him to throw whatever gift he had sent in the bin. Perhaps he should. He had asked Harry to leave him alone, after all, but….

But Severus had never forgotten the expression on Harry's face at his trial or the way he had broken when he saw Severus in the holding cells prior to Lucius'. The look in his eyes that last moment—_"You're free, sir."_—the sound of his stifled grief, those memories had driven Severus to drink more than once. The terrible images from those dark days haunted his dreams sometimes, too, between nightmares of the war or his Hogwarts years.

Somehow, after all this time, after everything Severus had put him through, Harry still cared enough about him to send him a birthday gift. A trinket, perhaps, seeing as how he expected Severus to toss it in the bin, but even so….

Severus ran a fingertip across the satin-smooth wood and fought back a wave of grief. All too familiar to him these days.

_ Why_? Why would Harry go to such lengths for him, even for a trinket? No one but Lucius and Minerva had given him anything at all for his birthday or the holidays, and Minerva's Christmas gift—a bottle of scotch—indicated a lack of concern on her part. Hippa had been trying to wrest his supply of alcohol away for months. For Minerva to supplement it when Severus had drinking problems…. 

Well, she might not have realised. Severus didn't drink in public or make scenes. Even so, she might have uncovered the truth had she asked. She hadn't though, and so her gift smacked of thoughtlessness and unconcern. 

Lucius' Yule gift, a new winter cloak to replace the threadbare, moth-eaten thing Hippa had been begging him to throw out for years, complete with a hat, scarf, and gloves, all black and charcoal grey and elf-safe, had left Severus warm inside by comparison. For a moment, at least. 

His birthday gift, a set of fine phials for rare ingredients and a silver cauldron with his initials engraved on the side, had been chosen with care, too. Lucius had been trying to renew Severus' interest in brewing since the trials ended. It had not yet worked, but Severus still appreciated the effort. That Lucius had tried to help him was gift enough. 

Hell, even Narcissa had sent along a batch of homemade nut cakes and fruit pastries for Yule. Severus hadn't been able to stomach them yet, but her attempts to entice him to eat had shown concern. It was more than he could say of most.

What had Harry sent him? Another thoughtless throwaway, or something chosen with care?

Curiosity overcame Severus' trepidation, and with shaking fingers, he unfastened the locking mechanism and opened the box. 

And his breath stopped.

This was no mere _ trinket_. Inside a beautifully-crafted, velvet-lined case, six crystal phials of near priceless ingredients sat. Phoenix tears, fire lily seeds, genesis dust, basilisk scales, nightgazer petals, and starwinder roots. Each one rare and exotic, and the phials themselves were of the highest quality, too.

Dear gods. Harry must have spent a small fortune on this—even if he had probably gone to the Chamber of Secrets to harvest the scales himself—and he expected Severus to _ throw it away_?

Why? Why in the name of Merlin would Harry go to such lengths for _ him_?

Severus set the box aside and lowered his head into his hands. Gods. Not even Lucius had put so much effort or gold into his gifts. Harry had tried to make him happy with this, and he expected nothing in return, not even for Severus to accept his efforts. 

Fuck. The boy didn't deserve Severus' fury. He never had. Why had Severus been so angry at him in the first place?

James Potter. That was what it came down to. James Potter had utterly crushed Severus, and Severus had lashed out at his son in retaliation. Only Harry had never done anything worth his ire—Severus had known that long ago—and his efforts to save Severus' life, much as Severus hated it, had been an act of devotion.

No. Harry had never deserved Severus' wrath, but Severus had hurt him anyway.

With a shuddering breath, he went to his bookshelf and removed the one book he hadn't been able to touch in months. The pages fell open to a familiar place, their well-worn edges offering comfort to his trembling hands. Harry's note still lay there, crumpled and pressed flat, hidden within the pages. 

_ 'Thank you, sir, for all you do for us.' _

Severus still remembered every word. 

With a little sniffle, he closed the book and recalled the other letters Harry had sent. 

_ 'Please, sir, promise me you'll survive.' _

_ 'We know you're on our side.' _

_ 'You're a hero, sir.' _

_ 'I will never regret saving you.' _

By the time Severus replaced the book, he could hardly see for tears. Why had he blamed Harry for his pain? All this time, that boy had been the only person ever to show him unconditional devotion. Well, other than Lucius, perhaps, but Severus had never hurt Lucius like he had hurt Harry. Not even close. 

What could Severus do, though? Old ghosts still strangled him, and being at Hogwarts had only strengthened their hold. He was miserable, and if he dared try reach out to Harry with his past still choking his every breath… no. Severus might lash out again, and he didn't want to hurt the boy more. He had to put the past behind him first, somehow, but how?

He hadn't any answers, but he would think on it. For Harry's sake, if not his own.

How was the boy faring? His letter had sounded… desolate. Was he in as dire a state as himself? Severus would never forgive himself if Harry died due to his callousness. 

Maybe he ought to check in on him, just in case. 

"Hippa?"

The elf came with a gentle smile. "How can Hippa be helping, Master Severus?"

"Will you keep an eye on Harry? I am worried for him, but I cannot risk meeting him yet. Do not hurt yourself if it fails."

Hippa popped away and popped back. "Hippa is not being able to watch him at home. He is blood warding his house."

Given the number of rabid fans chasing him at all hours of the day, Severus couldn't blame him. 

"Will you watch over him when he is accessible?"

"Hippa is doing as Master asks."

* * *

With his defence mastery behind him, Harry focused on potions and healing. He learned of chemistry and depression, PTSD and biology, ingredients and the proper way to stir, and even techniques to get potions past the blood-brain barrier. All said, by the time he had completed his mastery project—four new potions, including an updated Sunshine Elixir—Harry felt his brain might burst if he tried to shove one more titbit of knowledge between his ears. Still, he had confidence his potions would pass the test, and, by means of beginning experimental trials, he brought one of them, Lifeblood Elixir, to Fred. 

Fred lay in his bed at St. Mungo's, alive, but fading into nothing regardless. The battle had left him a quadriplegic, and with no use of his limbs and no way to use his magic, the man had fallen into a darker depression than Severus. Harry hoped his potions would make a difference for him. _ Gods_, how he hoped they would.

"Fred?" Harry poked his head into the room, closely followed by Madam Pomfrey, Fred's healer, and Harry's twin shadows. "Hey, how are you?"

George looked up from his brother's side. He tried to put on a brave face, but the shadows under his eyes rendered his attempts sad and hollow. "We're hanging in there."

Fred snorted bitterly.

"If only just," said George with a sigh. "What's up? Oh! Hello, Madam Pomfrey, Healer Newman. Oh, and Ron and Hermione, too? Merlin. What's all this about then?"

Harry moved closer. "Well, you two know I'm almost done with my potions mastery, right?"

George's smile was real this time. "I heard. Well done, mate."

"Thanks." Harry swallowed hard. "Well, we're here today because I specialised in healing. And I made a new potion using… the same stuff I used to save Fred's life."

"Stuff?" Healer Newman wrinkled her nose. "Perhaps you might care to elaborate?"

"The recipe is secret, ma'am, with damn good reason. It requires the blood of a holy being to create, and if anyone were to find out what kind, my being friend's life would be in danger. Never mind that _ stealing _ holy blood renders it cursed, because the thieves who would assault him for personal gain certainly wouldn't."

She grimaced. "Fair point. Go on then."

Harry nodded. "Right. As I was saying, the potion is more potent than the blood alone. It's also stuffed full of really rare ingredients and it's labor-intensive to make, so I don't have a lot of it, but…." He took a red phial out of his pocket. "Fred, do you reckon you'd be willing to try it? I don't know what, if anything, it can heal, but it might help a little, if you're willing to trust me."

"Go on, mate," Ron urged. "Harry's brilliant at potions these days."

"It can't hurt," Hermione said with a nod. "Not _ that _potion. There's no way it could."

Fred hesitated.

George squeezed his hand. "Would you try it, Forge? For me? For Angie?"

Fred sighed. "All right. But it's hard to swallow."

"That's why Healer Newman and I are here," said Pomfrey. "And to observe the trial, of course."

Fred closed his eyes. "Go on then."

"_Phagis,_" Pomfrey said, and the crimson liquid followed her wand directly into Fred's stomach. Fred gasped and shuddered. A red light surrounded his limbs and faded. 

For a tense moment, nothing else happened. Harry held his breath and prayed. 

_ 'Come on, come on! Give him something. Anything. Please.' _

"I don't think it…." Fred gasped. "Wait. I…." He closed his eyes and shuddered.

And his fingers closed around George's.

George leapt to his feet, eyes wide and brimming with tears. "Oh, _ gods_! Fred, your fingers! Can you feel them, mate?"

Tears flooded Fred's eyes. "Y-yeah. I think…." He made a face and sighed. "No, don't think it fixed my legs, but I can feel my arms and middle again."

Harry blinked hard. "Oh, thank Merlin! It worked! At least a bit."

The group broke out into chaos, with everyone hugging and crying and shaking Fred's hands. Harry watched with a brighter smile than he'd shown in months. He had done this. His work had given his big brother hope again. Oh, gods, it was such an amazing feeling. 

When the din quieted a bit, Healer Newman stood from where she had slumped, shocked, against the wall and gave Harry a dazed look. "Sweet Merlin, I can't believe it," said the gobsmacked healer. "You healed a quadriplegic!"

Harry grinned and wiped his eyes. "Well, I got halfway there anyway."

George wiped tears away, too. "Do you think, another dose…?"

Harry winced and shook his head. "I… all my tests have suggested it's not cumulative. I'm sorry."

Fred shook his head. "It's enough. Maybe I can't walk, but this means I can move around and cast magic again. I can get some semblance of a normal life back."

"Y-yeah," said a choked-up Ron. "Yeah, you can, mate, and we'll be there to help you through it."

"Damn straight," George agreed.

Pomfrey squeezed Harry's shoulder. "Well done, Mister Potter. Now, if you lot will sit over there, I will examine him and record the results."

"Yes, ma'am." Harry led his friends to the visitor sofa and sat beside them while Pomfrey and Newman began testing Fred's limbs.

As Pomfrey hit his hip with a pinprick and made Fred jump, Fred gave Harry a tearful smile, the first true one he had seen since before the final battle. 

"Thank you, little brother." 

"Anytime."

Harry took his other hand and held it tight. Feeling Fred squeeze his fingers back made all of his hard work worth it. Thank the _ gods_.

* * *

Crocuses and snowdrops had just begun to blossom over Britain as Harry made his way to his mastery examinations, protected under heavy glamours. He would have to reveal his true identity to the mastery officials, but their oaths prior to testing would forbid them from ever revealing it. They would keep quiet or lose their magic, and Harry had every intention of reinforcing that vow with a stern reminder and magic of his own.

He stepped into the room and shut the door. Four men and women sat at a long table with rolls of parchment and writing supplies in front of them. They all greeted him with a polite handshake, then Master Denniston, a genial-looking black man with gold-rimmed spectacles and age spots on his head, asked about his glamours.

"I'm afraid I would have been horribly late without them, sir. The public regards me as _ theirs_, you see, whether I have somewhere to be at the time or not."

"Understandable," said Denniston. "Will you remove them for the duration of the exam, please?"

Harry winced. "If you allow my síoda to check the room for eavesdropping spells and such and ward spies away, then yes. Otherwise, I'll have to leave them up and ask you not to use my proper name."

"You're registering under an alias then?"

Harry gave a wry laugh. "If I don't, the public will either mob or attack me the minute I attempt to open a practice. Probably both at once. I'm asking this for my own safety. And, as I will have no choice but to reveal dangerous secrets here today, I'm going to remind you of your oaths as examiners, ask that you take another vow not to use these secrets to harm me or anyone else, and also request, again, for permission to ward the room against eavesdroppers before we begin."

"If you are that concerned," said a youngish, fiery-haired woman called Madam Tothos, "then leave your glamours up and call your… what did you say?"

Harry bowed slightly. "Síoda. It's the proper racial name for what the world generally knows as house elves. My síoda friends have taught me much of their race, and I have since learned that 'house elf' is actually a racial slur. So I try not to use it."

Denniston nodded. "I remember your speech on that several months back. My own síoda confirmed what you told us as truth."

"Really?" Tothos shook her head. "It seems I missed too much while I visited the states this year. Well, better late than never, I suppose. Mister… ah, I mean our student here, please do call your… síoda and ward the room, so long as you are also willing to take a vow to do us no harm."

Harry bowed. "Of course, ma'am." He flicked his wand at the ceiling. "_Muffliato_. That's a custom muffling spell I'll remove as soon as our vows are complete and the room is safe." He lowered his wand to his heart. "I, Harry James Potter, hereby vow not to harm any of the mastery examiners present today in any way, so long as they also keep their vows to protect me and my secrets. Thus I swear."

"Your vow is witnessed and accepted," said Tothos. Golden light settled between them.

"Thank you." Denniston gave his vow, then Tothos, and the other two followed suit. Harry witnessed their vows and sighed in relief when they all sealed.

"Merlin, thank you. May I call Winky now?"

"Go ahead, Mister Potter," said Tothos, "but what name should we call you when your muffling charm is down? If you're in so much danger, I think it safer for everyone to leave your true name as secret as possible."

Harry hesitated. "I think… Solaris Grey will do."

"Very well, Apprentice Grey. Then please call your síoda, and we shall begin."

Harry nodded and obeyed.

* * *

Two hours later, he left the examination room to find Kingsley waiting for him. Ron and Hermione were waiting at the house with Xerides so as not to give his identity away.

"I take it you were able to convince them of the necessity of extra precaution?"

Harry nodded. "Everyone took vows not to harm each other or reveal my secrets. My identity is safe."

"Good. So how did you do? You were in there a long time, kiddo. In my experience, that's either really good or really bad. So?"

Harry handed him his mastery certificate.

"Three… three-_hundred _ points? Dear _ gods_! This is… I think only Severus has ever gotten a better score."

Harry snorted. "Heed who you're speaking to, King. I'm fairly sure my fame went straight to their heads."

"They're supposed to be unbiased."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "Like the Wizengamot, you mean?"

"Point." Kingsley handed him back his certificate. "Still. I heard what your work did for Fred from Molly. We all thought it was hopeless, and now he's laughing and joking and casting prank spells again. That alone means these marks are well-deserved."

Harry flushed. "Er… well, maybe so." He placed the parchment in his pocket, warded it against damage, and sighed. "You know, I wonder what Severus would think about this. My mastery and such." He gave Kingsley a broken smile. "Well, there's no sense worrying about it. He'll never know, and he would only hate me more if he did."

Kingsley frowned. "Harry?"

Harry shook his head and waved him towards the doors. "Come on, King. Let's get out of here before the idiot brigade figures out who I really am."

With a bemused nod, Kingsley escorted him out of the Ministry.

* * *

Severus simply hadn't the strength to mark the giant piles of essays gathering dust on his desk, to ignore the scathing comments buried in each paragraph, the vitriol for a professor they hated, with reason. He deserved their anger, but it hurt. He had sacrificed everything for _ them_. He summoned his firewhiskey and turned away from the essays.

Fuck. Why was he even doing this? He couldn't _ begin _ to keep up with the demands of acting as the school's potions master any longer. Old nightmares haunted his every step and choked him in despair and misery. Hogwarts was killing him, and yet, Severus had nowhere else to go, nothing to do with his life but _ this_. 

This was why he hadn't wanted to survive. Without the war and his purpose to drag him on and give him a reason to fight, he was drowning. The only peace he found any longer came from his weekly visits to Lucius. To knowing someone, somewhere, understood his grief.

Severus gulped down his firewhiskey and poured another. Sometimes, he wondered why he even bothered with a glass these days.

He nearly dropped the bottle at the sound of a pop nearby. Hippa.

She sighed and took the bottle. "Master Severus, that is not helping you. Leaving your past behind is helping you, not drink."

Severus stared at the table. "How?"

Hippa climbed onto the sofa beside him and took his hand. "Hippa is not knowing, but I is thinking even small steps would help."

Small steps. Maybe he could manage that.

"Have you been able to find Harry recently?"

"Yes, Hippa is just coming to report. He is just leaving the mastery office with his second mastery."

Severus stared. "_Another _mastery? Harry could do whatever he wanted and not lift a finger. Why bother?"

"Hippa is thinking Master Potter is not wanting to use his fame. She is thinking he wants to _ earn _his future. And Master Harry is saying the same thing to himself when Master Neville is seeing him outside the Ministry and asking him why he is not registering under his true name. 'I can't, Nev. It's bloody stupid to try. If I practice individually, I'll draw fire and idiots from all sides. If I go into traditional employment, who would ever see my actual merit when I applied? They wouldn't give a flying fuck that I put in so much effort to earn these scores. All they would see is my fame and a ticket to more money in their pockets, money I'll never see.'" She blushed. "Forgive Hippa, Master, but that is what he said."

Severus sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Damn. He's just as jaded as I am now, isn't he?"

Hippa looked at her feet. "Hippa thinks he is heartbroken, and nothing matters anymore, like Master Severus."

"Well, we make a fine pair then, don't we? Both of us broken and neither of us able to let go." He laughed bitterly and slumped into his knees. "What mastery? I hadn't realised he had studied anything beyond defence."

Hippa hesitated. "I…."

"Hippa?"

She winced. "Potions, Master. He is receiving a potions mastery. And from all Hippa is hearing, the masters are shocked at what he is able to do with them." She winced. "They is, according to Harry, comparing him to you."

"_That _must be his fame talking."

"Master Harry said so, too, but he is earning three-hundred points on his exam, so Hippa is thinking there must be some truth to it." 

"Three-_hundred_? Dear Merlin. You are saying he scored just _ twelve points _ under myself? At the same age?"

"Master Harry is saying he thinks it is based on his fame, but Kingsley is not agreeing with him. Hippa is not sure who is right." She hesitated. "As he is leaving, he is asking himself what you would be thinking of this, if you knew. Then he is saying there is no use thinking about it, as you would never know and you would only hate him more if you did. He is leaving then, and he is looking just as miserable as Master Severus. That is all Hippa saw."

"_Damn_. Hippa… I _ broke _ him, didn't I? I hurt him as badly as Hogwarts hurt me."

Hippa rubbed Severus' arm. "Not so, Master. You is only needing to heal, but if you is wanting to help him, there is still time to make it better."

Severus leaned back and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Not here. Not while I'm choked in memories I wish I could bleach from my mind. I would only lash out at him, and the more you tell me, the more I think he deserves the best of me, not the worst."

With a heavy sigh, Severus dropped his head against the back of the sofa. "Harry is trying to move on. To do what he must in spite of his hurt. I think… I must, too. I must put this place and its shadows behind me for good. But… what do I do now?"

"Hippa is thinking Harry is working hard to give you the freedom to choose for yourself, Master Severus. And Hippa is thinking you should not be taking that for granted."

Severus rubbed his face and sat up. "Merlin, you're right." He looked at the stacks of unmarked essays and sighed. "Yes. It is time to move on. And, perhaps, when I am truly free, I will be able to help Harry heal, too."

Hippa squeezed his hand. "Hippa is helping you as much as she can. I think Master Harry would be helping you, too, if Master Severus lets him."

Severus sighed and stood. "Yes, he probably would."

And maybe do it well, with a mastery under his belt. Whatever the fools at the Ministry thought, Severus had no doubt that Harry had put the work into _ earning _his titles. Perhaps, one day, they might meet as colleagues or even friends, once Severus was free to let go.

He sighed and set to work. Yes, it was time for a change, even if Severus wasn't sure he was ready to embrace it yet.

_ 'Give me a little more time, Harry. I… it will get better soon. For both of us.' _

At least, he hoped it would, and that was a start.


	43. The Sun Through the Clouds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, since it's my birthday and I'm spending it quarantined and sick, I figured I might as well use the downtime to give y'all a present, too.
> 
> Part 2 of the Great Birthdate Update! 🤣

#  **Chapter 43**

##  _ The Sun Through the Clouds _

The morning after receiving his Mastery, Harry received a list of potential distributors for his new potion. He placed the list aside.

"Winky? Will you take the potions kit and letter I prepared for Severus to him this afternoon?"

Winky poked her head out of the sewing room. "Winky will take it as soon as she is finished with the order for Lady Malfoy." 

Harry cocked her head. "Narcissa Malfoy is ordering from us now? Well, that will be good for business."

"Yes, she is ordering three of the vignette gown in different colours and one Juliet."

Harry paused. "Those aren't exactly pureblood queen class gowns. Hmm. Maybe she doesn't want to play the part any longer." He shook his head. "I'll tell Lucius when I go visit him and Draco today."

Winky nodded. "Is you needing anything else, Master?"

"No. I'm just going to study this list and work out who to send Sunshine Elixir to other than Severus. Thank Merlin the new recipe is patented and the appearance glamoured. I have no doubt he would recognise it in an instant otherwise."

"Yes, Master Harry, but what professional name is you using? Is you deciding yet?"

Harry nodded. "Solaris Grey."

Xerides' chuckle drifted in from the lab next door, where he was helping Harry organise his potions kits. "The sun in the grey, hmm? How apropos."

Harry laughed, a little. "Yeah. Glad you noticed."

"Winky will be telling Master Severus you is Master Grey then."

"Don't forget to call him by his surname, Winky. Using Severus will make him suspicious."

"Yes, Master Harry. Winky is remembering."

He waved her on. "Thank you, Winky. Go on back to your sewing. I'll just get to work myself."

Winky disappeared into the sewing room with a bow, and Harry set to work on his list.

* * *

Severus looked up from another miserable stack of essays at the sound of an unfamiliar female calling his name. He frowned at the sight of a well-dressed síoda with a box of potions and a letter. Once, he would have associated her with Harry on sight, but the fashion of dressing síoda—and calling them by their proper racial name—had caught on among people with any decency since Harry had started championing síoda rights publicly a few months before. She might be anyone's helper these days.

"Master Snape? I is Winky. I is bringing a letter and potions samples from my Master. He is called Master Solaris Grey, and he is looking for qualified potions masters to keep and distribute his new healing potions. Is you being interested? You is the first he is sending me for."

Severus swallowed around a tingling surge of intuition. The potion on that tray offered the change he had wanted, if only he could be brave enough to take the chance.

He steeled himself. He had faced far worse than the unknown, and by Merlin, he needed a break anyway.

"Yes, I will take them. Thank you."

She bowed without much of a fuss. A well-treated síoda, then. His opinion of this Solaris person went up exponentially.

Winky vanished, and Severus took the letter she had left behind with a sigh of relief. Merlin, but the students' essays left a shadow on his spirit. Anything out of the norm was welcome.

He sat on the edge of his desk and read.

> _Dear Master Snape, _
> 
> _ Hello! My name is Solaris Grey, and I am a newly-minted potions master with potions to distribute. You came highly recommended, and so I have come to you first. _
> 
> _ The red potions I've included are called 'Lifeblood Elixir.' It's an extremely powerful healing potion I developed. As an example of what it can do, it helped turn a quadriplegic into a paraplegic, though it couldn't heal his legs. It also saved many other patients on the brink, who would have died without intervention. Their families were desperate enough to welcome any treatment, even an experimental one, and most of them have their loved ones today because of it. _
> 
> _ The yellow potion is called 'Sunshine Elixir,' and it is also a general healing potion, but less potent than the former. It can heal most injuries, but, unlike Lifeblood Elixir, it takes time, usually from an hour to a week, depending on the level of injury. Sunshine Elixir is far easier to make, so in every instance except immediate, dire need, please use this potion first. _
> 
> _ The green potion is "Aurora General Antidote," and it is a highly potent potion capable of neutralizing everything from wolfsbane poisoning to basilisk venom. I have yet to find a toxin it cannot heal at this point. _
> 
> _ The silver potion is called "Dawn Elixir," and is much less taxing to create than any of the others. It is a powerful aid in mental healing, but be aware it is not a miracle fix. It has shown incredible promise in healing mental injuries caused by torture or curses and in healing a variety of mental illnesses, but it cannot fix grief. It will not heal PTSD or depression overnight, but it _ does _ help, so long as the patient is willing to open themselves to healing. _
> 
> _ All of these potions came to be with the aid of a unique magical creature, who was kind enough to offer me samples of his blood and tears, provided I use them to bring Britain back from the brink after the war. For that reason, the recipes are patented and protected, and supply is extremely limited, especially in the case of Lifeblood Elixir, which uses rather a lot of his blood in each phial. Should I overtax my creature friend, he will die, and my potions supply will dry up. _
> 
> _ However, these potions are worth the flaws, I think. They have pulled people back from certain death and are, even now, healing wounds that have, in the past, stumped healers all over. I realise it sounds like hyperbole, but do feel free to test a sample of them yourself and see how they live up to my claims. _
> 
> _ These are yours, whether you choose to work with me or not, as a thank you for your efforts during the war. I hope they benefit you and yours. If you wish to distribute for me, I'll send you a regular supply as you have need. _
> 
> _ If you do choose to distribute for me, I ask that you send 25% of your profits back to me to cover my costs, as well as a ledger including records of sales and any potions that you offered at a reduced price. The other 75% of your profits is yours to keep. Yes, I realise this is generous to the point of being foolish, but I did not enter the field of healing to make money. I have enough of an inheritance to live on comfortably already. So long as I am able to break even, I am content. _
> 
> _ The pricing list is as follows: 500 galleons per phial for Lifeblood Elixir, 50 galleons per phial for Sunshine Elixir and Aurora General Antidote, and 20 galleons per phial for Dawn Elixir. I would have liked to make them free, but due to the risk to my creature friend, I cannot. That said, if you do come across someone in dire need who does not have the capability to pay, please give them a potion, even Lifeblood Elixir, free of charge. Only do not advertise what it is or sell them en masse to the public, please, for my creature friend's sake. _
> 
> _ I hope to hear a positive reply from you soon. Thank you for your time. _
> 
> _ Sincerely, _
> 
> _ Solaris Grey, _
> 
> _ Potions Master _

Severus put down the letter with a thrum of excitement and relief coursing through him. Gratitude for the war. Welcome into a unique potions project. _ Merlin_, but this was one hell of an opportunity, if the potions did indeed do what Grey said.

Severus grabbed a phial. "Hippa?"

The elf appeared and gave the potions tray a curious look. "Yes, Master Severus?"

"I am going to be busy in the lab for a while. Please let Minerva know."

Hippa smiled. "Hippa is glad to see you taking joy in things again, Master Severus. I will be letting the headmistress know."

Severus thanked her and raced to the lab.

* * *

"Master Harry?" 

Harry looked up from his work preparing his potions for the next master he had decided to interview, a Dio Daerius of Hungary. He had planned to apparate to Budapest shortly and call on him during his office hours, but Winky's call put a hold on his plans. 

"Yes?"

"There is a síoda pacing outside the wards. Winky is thinking she is Hippa."

"Hippa? Merlin. What's she doing here? I hadn't expected her until tomorrow."

"She is probably here with Severus' reply." Xerides nudged Harry over. "Go on and see what she wants. I will finish this for you."

Harry squeezed his hand in thanks and dashed off in search of his guest. 

He found her pacing by the forest, dark circles under her eyes and her dress out of order. Merlin. How long had she been trying to get in?

"Hippa? Are you okay?"

She turned and squeaked at the sight of him. "M-Master Harry? Hippa is trying to find Master Grey."

Harry gave her a sheepish grin. "That would be my professional alias. It's the only way I can be sure people accept me on merit rather than fame. Please keep that a secret, though. Anyway, are you all right, Hippa? You look exhausted."

Hippa gave him a hesitant smile. "Hippa is walking here all morning trying to reach you, Master Harry. I is bringing a letter from my master and friend."

"Ah, Master Snape? He replied already?" Harry gave a wry chuckle. "I haven't even had a chance to add you to the wards. Well, we'll just do that now, hmm? Do you mind giving me a drop of your blood, Hippa? My home is blood warded."

Hippa held out her hand, and Harry pricked her finger and added her to his wards' exceptions. "There you are. In the future, if Master Snape has business with me, please tell him to always send you as no one else will be able to get through." He gave her a sheepish smile. "I had planned to ask my síoda and phoenix to watch for you tomorrow morning, but I should have realised he would work fast. I'm sorry about that."

Hippa smiled and bowed. "Hippa is glad you is finding her. Is you wanting the letter?"

Harry nodded. "Thank you." He conjured a seat for her. "Have a rest here, Hippa. Oh, and…." He cut his wrist and scooped the blood into a cup. "Drink that, please. I know it sounds strange, but I'm a sunguard, Hippa, and that blood will both heal you and extend your life. As you're keeping Severus safe, I'd like to offer you some protection."

Hippa gasped. "You is…?"

Harry dropped his glamours. "A sunguard, yes. _ Sano_. And a unicorn blessed me with her blood, so mine is doubly powerful. That and my potions are how we saved Severus' life."

Tears flooded her eyes. She held the cup to her heart. "Thank you, Master Harry. Master Severus is not valuing his own life, but Hippa does. Thank you for saving him."

Harry smiled sadly. "I had to. I'll die without him. And I'll die if he ever works that out, too." With a sigh, he turned away from the stunned síoda and opened Severus' letter.

> _Dear Master Grey, _
> 
> _ I must admit, when I learned you have just received your mastery, my confidence in your abilities was not great, but I could not resist the intrigue of a new project and the possibilities yours offers. I have spent the last day and night analysing what I can of your potions and their effects, and I am, frankly, stunned at their efficacy. These are all brilliant pieces of work, and they will save many lives. _
> 
> _ However, while it is difficult to tell without having access to the recipe, I noticed areas I may, perhaps, be able to improve upon your process and, I hope, reduce the burden on your creature friend. I find myself in need of a change of pace as well, and this… I should love to be a part of a project geared towards saving lives. It would, perhaps, go some small way towards healing our war-torn country, I think. _
> 
> _ If you have an opening in your team, I would like to offer my services. _
> 
> _ Thank you for the potions and the opportunity. _
> 
> _ Sincerely, _
> 
> _ Severus Snape, _
> 
> _ Potions Master, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry_

Harry folded the letter with a shaky breath that was half sob. _ Fuck_. It hurt so much. This was how Severus would treat him if he viewed him as an equal, a colleague… perhaps even a friend one day. 

But the letter hadn't come addressed to _ him_, had it?

Harry closed his eyes against a scourge of grief. "H-Hippa, when you go, please tell your master that the Sunrise Project is full at the time, but should a spot come open, he will be the first I contact." It wasn't true. Harry couldn't open his project—or his identity—to his mate, much as he wished he could, but neither could he break Severus' heart. He had to at least give him some little hope.

Even if Harry had none for himself. 

"Master Harry? Are you all right?"

Harry gave a mirthless laugh and wiped his face. "No. Merlin, no, I'm not. This hurt, quite a lot, but, oh, no, it's not your fault, Hippa, so please don't hurt yourself. It's only that he wouldn't be so kind if he knew who I was." 

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Well, it can't be helped. I knew he would never accept me the minute I learned he was my mate. And if I even try, I'll burn for it…." 

"Master?"

Harry cringed and turned away. _ Shite_. He was revealing _ far _too much. "I…." 

"Master Harry? Is you all right?"

"I… yes." He gave the shocked, tearful síoda an apologetic pat and a wan smile. "I'm sorry, Hippa. I didn't intend to unload my burdens onto you. Thank you for the delivery and the company. Do you need anything before you go home? I've a little milk tea that my own elves like, if you want a spot of that and some honey biscuits."

Hippa gasped and swayed into him. "You is offering me food?"

"Of course. It's my fault you were out here all day pacing the wards." He gave her a look full of heavy sorrow. "And you kept him alive. You saved his life and stood by him when I… couldn't. So the least I can do is try to help you recover a bit."

She hugged his legs. "Hippa is staying for a moment, if Master Harry is sure it is okay?"

"Of course. Let me just—"

A loud call of an owl brought Harry's attention to the woods behind them. An eagle owl landed on his shoulder with an official letter from Gringotts. Harry checked the letter for tricks and, finding it to be clean and authentic, opened it right away after a request for Hippa to wait a moment.

> _ Mister Potter, _
> 
> _ I have been trying to reach you for the past week or so concerning a box of time-sensitive items we have recently discovered in your vaults. As my former owl passed on just after your recent move, and my new owl has not yet been added to your wards, I have, thus far, been unsuccessful. Please add Dekthar to your wards once he finds you. And me, perhaps, so I am able to contact you by floo should my letters fail to reach you. _
> 
> _ I have attached a portkey to Dekthar so that he will locate you once you step out of your home's boundaries, but not into a public place. I do apologize for taking such liberties, but I have little other recourse in light of the strength and exclusivity of your wards. _
> 
> _ It appears that your parents left a box to you just prior to their deaths and spelled it to go unnoticed until your eighteenth birthday. We discovered it in our annual spring vault cleaning just after Easter. We have not attempted to investigate further, other than to verify that it is genuine and safe. _
> 
> _ Please report to Gringotts at your earliest convenience to retrieve your items and review your estate, which needs direction since several laws and businesses have changed since the war. _
> 
> _ Sincerely, _
> 
> _ Irim Goldclaw, Private Accounts Manager for Gringotts, London Branch _

Harry pocketed the letter with a curious frown. What on earth might his parents have left for him that had to wait until _ now _for him to find? Why eighteen? How strange.

Then again, perhaps his Muggleborn mother simply wanted to adhere to the laws of both worlds, but that only increased his interest.

Despite his curiosity, he added the owl to his wards and sent him on his way, then sat Hippa down with a plate of the mild biscuits, simple sandwiches, and weak tea the house elves preferred. He chatted to her as she ate, and his kindness flummoxed her, as it did for all elves unused to him.

When she finished her snack, Harry said she was welcome to use his spare bedroom or elf quarters to take a nap if she wanted, or to be on her way home.

"I thinks I should be going, Master Potter."

"Harry, if you please. And please, don't tell Severus my secrets. He could destroy me by a single word. It's better that he never knows." 

Hippa gave him a sad look. "Master Harry, Hippa is thinking you _ need _Master Severus. And Hippa is thinking Master Severus needs you."

Harry winced. "He doesn't want me in his life, Hippa. And if he ever says that to my face, it might kill me. Literally. I don't think we can risk it. Just… promise me you'll keep taking care of him for me. Please."

Hippa muttered something about stubborn fools under her breath and sighed. "Hippa is always taking care of him. She is thinking he is needing his _ mate _to do that, but Hippa will not say so. To him, at least." Her ears drooped. "He is not being ready to hear it."

"Yeah. I know. And a no will kill me, so please don't say anything."

Hippa gave him a solemn nod. "Thank you, Master Harry, for doing what you can to heal him."

"I always will," he murmured.

"So will Hippa." She hugged his legs once more, bid him farewell, and left.

With a heavy sigh, Harry went to Xerides and buried his face in the elf's chest, just for a moment. Xerides' strength gave him courage to go on when his heart was broken, and he needed it desperately then. 

Xerides ran his hand through Harry's hair. "That bad, hmm?"

"Yeah. Just… I need a minute. I need your help."

Xerides held him and laid his cheek atop Harry's head. "I am here."

Harry burrowed into Xerides' shirt and stood there a long moment, simply borrowing from his friend's strength and restoring his own. Xerides' long hair fell around him and blanketed him in sheets of ivory silk. His heartbeat thrummed in Harry's ear and his breath warmed Harry's scalp. The strength and devotion in his friend's embrace made him feel safe and sheltered, and the worst of his anguish melted away.

"T-thanks." He pulled back and wiped his eyes. "Sorry I always seem to be blubbering on you these days."

Xerides' eyes reflected heavy sorrow. "I am glad that you trust me enough to lean on me when you are hurting. Please, do not feel guilty for it."

Harry smiled wanly. "Yeah? Well that makes me feel less of an arse." He squeezed Xerides' hand. "Thanks. Are you okay here for a bit?"

"Alone? I can always call Ron and Hermione or the síoda to keep me company if I am not, but where are you going?"

"Gringotts. Apparently Goldclaw has been trying to reach me for a while about a box my parents left me. They just found it about two weeks ago, but as old Serith finally passed on, he hasn't been able to reach me."

"Ah. Well, I shall simply continue working on these kits and gather the day's harvest from the woods while you are gone."

Harry hesitated. "Don't stay out too long, okay? Not without me."

Xerides rubbed Harry's shoulder. "The days are not so long yet. I shall be fine, and if I am not, Winky or Dobby will certainly assist me."

"Fair enough. Then I'll be back soon."

"Until then."

With a wave at his friend, Harry made his way to Gringotts under heavy glamours, mind whirling with possibilities. He approached the tellers with a strange combination of dread and anticipation setting his nerves aflutter. Merlin, he hoped whatever he found there would bring him some sort of surcease. Fates knew he needed it.

The goblin teller nearest him gave Harry a cool look. "May I help you?"

"Please tell Goblin Goldclaw that the protected client he has been trying to reach since Easter is here to see him."

The goblin nodded tersely and walked away.


	44. The Unpleasant Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is going to hit you in the gut. Also, cliffie. But I might put up one more today since I've edited the shit out of it already and you guys deserve at least one chapter that's not swimming in angst. 🤣

#  **Chapter 44**

##  _ The Unpleasant Truth _

Severus jerked awake at the sound of his house elf friend's apparition. He rubbed his face, stretched his aching neck, and tried to gather his wits. What had happened?

Ah, right. He must have fallen asleep in his chair while he reviewed his analysis notes and waited for Hippa. Merlin, he hadn't been so excited since Lily. He wanted, so much, to help with this project. The very idea filled him with hope. He had already half-drafted his resignation letter, and bloody hell, he could hardly wait to turn it in.

He was more than ready to see the back of this place. 

"Hippa?" His voice wavered a little in the force of his emotion. "How did—" The clock struck three. "Ah, Merlin, is it truly so late? Did you have trouble finding Master Grey?"

Hippa's ears drooped. "No, Hippa is finding him easily enough, but his home is blood-warded. Hippa is not able to get through until Master… Grey's síoda sent the master after her."

"Blood-warded? Ah, it must be a measure to protect his creature friend."

Hippa huffed under her breath. "Yes, his _ creature_."

Severus gave her a curious look. "Did you not like it?"

She shrugged. "Other than finding him to be rather thick and stubborn…."

Severus snorted. "Well, we cannot all be perfect, I suppose." He patted the sofa. "Sit and rest. You look exhausted. Did you pace the wards all day?"

"Yes, until maybe an hour ago."

"An hour? You have been speaking with Grey so long?"

"Not exactly." She flicked her ears back. "Master Grey is feeling guilty. He said he had planned to watch for your reply by tomorrow morning, but Hippa is coming sooner than he had expected. The rest of the time Hippa was gone, he is adding Hippa to his wards, reading your letter and another, and…." Her expression softened. "Taking care of me."

Severus' heart panged. _ 'He cares about her. Merlin.' _ He swallowed back a nervous flutter—or was that _ interest_?—and squeezed Hippa's hand. 

"I am relieved to hear that. What did he do?"

"He is bringing Hippa inside and feeding me elf foods. Honey biscuits and milk tea and sandwiches. He is even having some that his friend makes on special bread, and Master Grey said they are being very good for elves of all sorts. Hippa is liking them very much."

"Interesting. Did he say where he got the recipe?"

"Ah, no. He did not."

Severus rubbed his chin. "Perhaps if I inquire, he would be willing to share."

"Maybe, Master. Or Hippa can ask. I thinks he is giving it to me if I ask him, but he may not know. Hippa is thinking it is elven. High elven."

"_Is _it? Fascinating. He has high elf friends as well?"

Hippa paused. "Hippa did not see any today, but yes. Hippa thinks he is friends with at least one high elf. Hippa felt elven magic there."

Severus nodded. "The more you speak of him, the more interesting I find him. What else happened?"

"Master Grey is having me rest at his kitchen table and speaking to me like a friend. And he is giving me one of his potions and a little of… the being's blood to heal me and help me live longer."

Severus' heart thrummed. _ Definitely _interest. Anyone who could be so kind to his house elf friend, who accepted and welcomed her as an equal—and Severus himself, too… gods. He hadn't even met the man yet, but, Merlin help him, he wanted to.

How long had it been since he had even felt a trickle of attraction? At least twenty-three years. No, James Potter had killed that in him long ago. 

To feel a surge again now… perhaps he had a reason to go on again after all.

"Merlin. He truly is a kind soul."

Hippa closed her eyes and her ears drooped. "Hippa is thinking he is the kindest, rarest person she has ever met other than Master Severus."

Severus' heart fluttered. "O-oh. I… Hippa, you said he read my letter?"

She winced. "Master Grey is saying the project is full at the moment. He is saying when an opening comes, you will be the first he contacts, but… Hippa is thinking it is not true. Hippa is thinking he…." She dropped her head. "He will not be contacting Master Severus again, unless…."

Severus struggled to contain a crushing wave of disappointment. He should have known better than to get his hopes up. 

"Unless what?"

Hippa hesitated. "He is asking me not to say much, but Hippa _ must _say something. He is scared, Master. There is danger, grave danger to him, and he is afraid to trust you with secrets that could… hurt him."

"My past." Severus stared at his forearm, eyes stinging. "It never ceases to haunt me."

"No, Master. He is… Master Grey is liking you very much. He is only afraid. Hippa is thinking you can overcome it, if you is ready to try."

Severus swallowed hard. "I… you truly think I have a chance?"

Hippa's smile held seas of grief. "Hippa is thinking you is finding much more than a chance with him, if you is able to calm his fears, but she is not sure you is ready for it, Master Severus. You is still haunted."

Severus' face burned. "He… are you saying…?"

"Hippa is not allowed to answer that, but she is thinking it is up to you regardless. What is you wanting?"

Up to him? That sounded promising.

"I…." Severus looked between the stacks of essays on his desk, all full of shadows and hatred, to the potions tray that had given him hope, to his house elf friend who loved him enough to risk self-punishment to give him a chance at a new life. "I… am ready to move on, Hippa. Merlin help me, I am desperate to."

She held his gaze. "You is ready to leave _ Hogwarts _behind, yes, but is you ready to move on from what happened here? Is you able to trust again, even if Master Grey is not what you expect and terrified to try?"

That, Severus couldn't answer. His ghosts and trauma still choked his every breath, still set him screaming and fighting in the middle of the night. Could he trust someone else with his vulnerability, knowing he lost himself when the past took him over? Could he trust Grey, a virtual stranger, not to take advantage of him when the past swallowed him whole and left him helpless?

"I… want to be ready." But he wasn't. Not yet.

Hippa nodded. "Then Hippa is thinking you should finish the year here. Hippa is thinking you should use these last four months to confront your ghosts and heal. Hippa is thinking you should move from Spinner's End. And when you is away from the shadows, then you should be trying to reach out to Master Grey as you is ready to."

Severus rubbed his hands down his trousers, a gesture of nervousness. "And if it is too late by then? If Grey has moved on?"

Hippa gave him a sad smile. "Then at least you is being able to move on, too. You is being able to go away from the darkness and find a new life for yourself, just like Master Harry is wanting you to." Her eyes glinted. "And Master Harry, Hippa is sure, will help you either way."

Severus' heart trembled. "I… y-yes. That is a good plan, Hippa. I think I must work through the past before I am ready to face the future, whether I am able to find welcome with Master Grey or not." His shoulders slumped. "And you are also right that I cannot leave Harry so desolate either. Yes, we shall do that, Hippa. Thank you."

"Hippa is always helping you, Master Severus. I think Master Harry and Master Grey will, too, if you let them."

Severus nodded hesitantly. "I… I will try, once I have laid Potter's ghost to rest."

"Good. Then Hippa is thinking we is both in need of sleep, and then you is needing dinner."

"I am rested enough. I shall need all night for those godsforsaken essays." 

He ran a finger over his resignation letter with a pang of regret. No, he couldn't leave yet, but soon. With a sigh, he changed his date of resignation from a fortnight in the future to the end of the school year.

"After you are rested, Hippa, will you deliver that to Minerva?"

She looked at the letter and smiled. "I is being happy to, Master Severus, but…." She hesitated. "Master, when you is leaving, will you be taking Hippa with you?"

"I will be glad to take you with me, wherever that may be, but you will need to ask Minerva if she will release you into my care, or would it be safer for me to ask?" Severus shook his head. "Never mind. I shall ask her so you do not suffer for it."

Hippa hugged Severus, though she had to reach for him even with him seated. "Hippa is going where Master Severus goes."

"Yes, I would like that. Now, I must get to work."

"Yes, Master. Hippa will bring you supper when it is ready."

"Thank you."

He rubbed her hair and made his way to the giant pile of essays. A glance at the potions tray gave him strength. Facing his past so he had the ability to face the future. A better future than he had ever dreamed he might know.

He could cope with that.

He summoned a quill, a phial of Dawn Elixir, and his pot of red ink and set to work.

* * *

Goldclaw led Harry to his vault and, after giving him a portfolio with an overview of his accounts and current investments and establishing a chain of communication, the goblin guided Harry to a small box on a plinth at the centre of the vault.

"Simply touch the door when you are ready to leave, Mister Potter, and it will open for you. I will be waiting outside."

"Thank you."

The goblin bowed and left, and Harry set his portfolio aside with shaking hands. The hair on his arms stood at attention, leaving his skin tingling. His heart thundered and his throat dried up.

Whatever lay inside that box would change his life irrevocably. He knew it as sure as he knew his own name. 

He took a deep breath, swallowed a wave of apprehension, and lifted the lid.

Inside were a few scattered baby photos, a toy snitch with a bent wing, long since broken, and a letter. Harry looked at the photos first, a vain attempt to calm himself, but quickly set them aside for the letter. Or _ two _letters, rather.

The first bore an untidy scrawl and his father's signature. It was tossed in haphazardly, as if he had thrown it in at the last second.

> _ Sport, _
> 
> _ Hey, if you're reading this, it means that rat bastard turned traitor after all and I'm not around to tell you all about life in person. I keep telling your mum not to worry. I mean, sure, we had some fun at school, but Peter wouldn't sell us out. He wouldn't have gotten any fun at all without us, if you get my drift. _

Harry cringed at the thought of Pettigrew having 'fun' in any capacity, let alone with his family's 'help.' 

Merlin. What had his dad been thinking to have written such a crude legacy into a letter to his _ one-year-old_? Ugh. 

Harry shuddered and skimmed a few paragraphs, which detailed Lily's sudden misgivings about Pettigrew and unexplained anger at James.

> _ Been giving me quite the cold shoulder as of late. She doesn't even want to let me put this in the box! I'll have to sneak it in while she isn't looking. Can you believe that? Angry enough to cut me out of our only son's memory box! Merlin! _

Harry remembered those long-forgotten 'prank' wills, and a creeping sense of foreboding prickled his skin and twisted his gut into a maelstrom of dread. Oh no.

> _ Anyway, I thought you might want to know a bit about your old man, so here goes. _

The rest of the letter went on about James' life, including several horrid stories of bullying against Harry's mate. A drop of magma in Harry's belly soon grew to a burning ball, and from there turned into an all-encompassing surge of rage.

_ This _ was why Harry's mate hated him. _ This _was why Harry would spend the rest of his life alone.

Unable to stomach another word of James' wretched arrogance—Merlin help him, Severus certainly hadn't lied about that!—Harry folded the 'letter' and tossed it back into the box. It landed hard enough to displace the snitch and send the photos flying every which way.

"Wanker," he muttered as he levitated the photos back into the box.

As he picked up the letter from his mother, a dark, cold sorrow overtook his rage. All this time, he had wanted to know more about his parents, and it turned out his father was just as much of a tosser as Severus had always said.

Harry would apologize for the bastard's cruelty if he didn't know Severus would murder him for it.

He took a few deep breaths to calm his fury, utilizing the techniques Xerides had drilled into him with far more patience than Severus had ever shown.

At least the letter had given him an inkling as to why.

He focused on the quiet sounds and smells of the forest, a life he had grown accustomed to all those days in the woods, and let calm envelop his mind in stillness. Idly, he wondered, not for the first time, what Severus would think of his occlumency now. 

Well, he would never know. Severus wanted nothing to do with him, and even if he had wanted to see Harry, he would never be able to test Harry's shields.

With a shuddering sigh, Harry packed his grief and regrets away and started the second letter.

> _ My dearest Harry, _
> 
> _ I hope you have been happy despite what tragedy I know waits around the horizon. I hope you haven't missed us too much over the years, though I have a sinking feeling you will. _
> 
> _ Merlin, I'm sorry, baby. If I could do things over, I would change so much, but I can't. I hope you can forgive your mother the sin of blind loyalty to fools who didn't deserve it. Eventually. _
> 
> _ Right now, you're zooming about on your little toy broomstick. It only hovers a few centimetres off the ground, and it doesn't go very fast, and yet, I can already tell you will have a natural talent for flying. At the moment, I hope that and your little mop is all you have inherited from your father. _
> 
> _ I am unsure if I should say this to his son—no doubt Albus and everyone around you would have instilled fierce loyalty within you—but I made a dreadful mistake in choosing him. I broke poor Severus to pieces. _
> 
> _ And he was right. _
> 
> _ Severus was right all along. James was never simply arrogant; he is dangerous, and if by some miracle we survive this war, I shall take you somewhere far away where his cruelty can't taint you. _
> 
> _ I fear it already poisoned me long ago. _

Harry staggered back and fell straight onto his bum. Merlin! Everyone around him had always gone on about how much his parents had been in love, but his mum had been on the verge of divorce when they died.

So those wills hadn't been pranks after all. Gods. What in Merlin's name had _ happened_? 

Heart sick and stomach queasy, he conjured a chair and returned to her letter.

> _ You see, Severus… one day, when we were young, he confessed something dreadful to me. _
> 
> _ Did you know Severus Snape was my dearest friend until I hurt him too much? He was. Back then, he was a different boy. It was Peter and your father who put that suspicion and anger in his eyes, and I who broke his heart. _
> 
> _ I don't want to go into detail for his sake, but Severus came to me for help early in our fifth year. Your father and Pettigrew had hurt him, terribly. It was a horrible crime. He was terrified and hurt and traumatized, and I didn't believe him! I didn't believe a Gryffindor could be capable of such terrible things. I thought only death eater scum like Malfoy would sink so low. _

"Zero for three, Mum," Harry muttered, struggling against a surge of blinding fury. "Severus was telling the truth, those particular Gryffindors were a stain on the human race, and Luc is a far better person than you were, apparently. Hell, even then, I don't think he would have hurt Severus like that. _ Gods_."

Her best friend. Severus had been Harry's mum's best friend, and she had broken his heart when he was in dire need of help for nothing more than _ house loyalty_.

"Son of a bitch, this day just gets worse and worse."

He steeled himself and kept reading.

> _ But just this week, Pettigrew proved me wrong. He attacked me like he had attacked Severus, and if James hadn't taught me the override to his cruel petrification spellset, I would have suffered the same way. _
> 
> _ I doubt Pettigrew would dare use that spell against you, but should you ever find yourself a victim of a paralysis spell that will not allow you to move against the caster's will, but will allow them to manipulate your position, the override is "Libera Musculo." You do not need a wand to cast it. I pray to Merlin you never need it like Severus did. _
> 
> _ Gods, how could I do it to him? How could I believe in a pack of tyrants and bullies over my best friend? I know Albus' coddling of his precious lions and alienation of the Slytherins had much to do with colouring my judgment against Severus, but gods! We had been friends since we were eight years old! I knew him. I knew every secret, every dream, every quirk, and I knew he was honourable. _
> 
> _ Why didn't I believe him? _

Harry blinked down a scourge of tears. _ Fuck_. What he wouldn't give to be able to share this with Severus, his mother's remorse for her cruel abandonment of him in her final days, even if she had been an utter bitch to him.

But his father had stolen all hope of that. There would be no healing for any of them now, no thanks to James Potter's arrogance and cruelty.

_ A horrible crime… _ sweet Circe, what had the bastard _ done _ to him? It couldn't have been the pensieve incident—that happened much later in the year. Did that mean this was _ worse_?

Dear gods. No wonder Severus hated Harry.

With a gasp that was more than half sob, Harry forced himself to read on.

> _ Forgive me, baby. I didn't mean to make this letter about my own stupid mistakes. I want you to know that, no matter how much I regret marrying that sod, I will never, ever regret you. You are my light and joy, and I'm so proud of everything you have accomplished. I know you'll grow into a fine young man. _
> 
> _ It's not in your nature to be otherwise. Sunguards are always good. _
> 
> _ Your father doesn't know the truth about you, baby, and I have no intention of telling him unless I must. I fear if he ever finds out, his head may grow so big his neck might snap under the weight of it. _
> 
> _ It would, in all honesty, serve him right after what he did to Severus. _

Dear gods. Harry wasn't sure he wanted to know any longer if it was as bad as all that.

> _ No, he will never know unless you tell him, but I know what you are, my darling. I saw you twittering on with Fawkes when he delivered a letter one day, and I knew. _
> 
> _ I always said you were my ray of sunshine. _
> 
> _ But I must warn you, baby. There are secret texts about Sunguards only the Unspeakables can access, and while I was training to join them prior to your birth, I happened upon the information in my studies of being races. Thank the gods I did, too, or I never would have known about you. _
> 
> _ By now, I am sure you have gotten your wings. You must also know who your mate is. Your dreams will guide you, little one, if you don't. _
> 
> _ I hope you're already well on your way to happiness with them, but just in case you aren't, I had to send this letter to you now, while there is still time. _
> 
> _ A sunguard's core, as you probably know by now, is almost entirely solar magic. Until your twentieth birthday, it will keep growing. And while you are growing, the magic of youth still protects you. _
> 
> _ All that changes at twenty. You must have your mate by then. I urge you, seek them out if you have not already. Hurry. If you are not bonded by your twentieth birthday, your magic will begin turning on you, and you will burn to death if you do not resolve the bond before your twenty-first year. It is a brutal end, little one, and I would not see you succumb to it. _
> 
> _ If, by some wretched twist of fate, you cannot find them in time or they reject you, there is but one choice left to ease your pain. The nectar of the nightbloom plant or basilisk venom are the only poisons which work upon a sunguard. It is quick and mostly painless, though I pray you are more fortunate than I in life and survive long past your twenties. _
> 
> _ My baby, I love you, and I sincerely hope this warning is never needed._
> 
> _Love,_
> 
> _Mum_

The letter fell from Harry's nerveless fingers. One year. He had one year and five months to convince Severus to enter a lifelong, permanent bond with him, or his own magic would burn him to death from the inside out, much like Dumbledore.

But there would be no mercy killings for Harry. He would have to either convince a man who hated him—and, apparently, with good reason—to bond with him permanently, or die by his own hand.

Harry ran from the vault, his father's letter burning into ash behind him. 


	45. Secrets and Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And, _finally_, we have a breakthrough. Also, all of my boys get a POV section in this one. ❤
> 
> Also, that's it for the update spree for now, unless I manage to finish this oneshot I'm working on tonight. Enjoy!

#  **Chapter 45**

##  _ Secrets and Ghosts _

A stag patronus and Harry's terrified pleas called Xerides back to the house late in the afternoon. At the horror in Harry's voice, Xerides forgot everything but the need to help his companion and apparated straight to the house. It took all of his remaining power and left him dizzy, but he staggered to Harry anyway and grabbed his hands. 

They were freezing.

"Harry? Fates, what happened? Are you safe? Severus?"

Harry whimpered and buried his face in Xerides' chest. "S-scared."

Xerides swallowed a surge of fluttery emotion and focused on Harry's fears. He stroked his friend's hair and wings and brushed tears from his face. 

"Harry… what happened?"

Harry shuddered. "Y-you remember I went to Gringotts after the box my parents left? Well, there were letters and… and it's _ bad _ , Xeri. It turns out my dad was even more of a tosser than I ever knew, Mum _ hated _ him in the end, and with good reason, and he… oh, gods. I-I don't think I can do this twice. I need Ron and 'Mione here."

"Dobby?"

The síoda appeared at Xerides' call and gave Harry a frightened look. 

"Master? I… how can Dobby helps?"

"Please," Harry choked out. "Ron. 'Mione. Need them here, now. Kreacher and Winky, too."

"And Bill? Fleur?"

Harry gave Xerides a blank look.

"They already know, Harry, and I thought they might be able to help."

Harry shuddered. "I… you might be right, but I don't think I can tell them this, Xeri. Hermione and Ron already know my family hurt Severus, but Bill doesn't, as far as I know, and Fleur definitely doesn't. I… I can't betray his privacy like that." Tears tracked down his face. "Even if it means I die for it, I can't do it to him."

Xerides' breath stilled and his heart stuttered. "Die?"

"Y-yeah. It's honestly that bad."

Dobby wailed. "Oh, _ no_! No, Dobby is not letting you die! Dobby is being gathering the family right away, Master Harry!"

The síoda left, and Xerides held Harry's face and rubbed the sunguard's tears into his skin.

"Harry, please. I… what do you mean? Are you in danger?"

"Y-yeah. We have seventeen months, Xeri. Just under a year and a half to get Severus on board with bonding to me, or…."

Xerides froze. "Or…?"

"Or… or my core turns into a triple fire curse of its own."

"W-what? I…."

"I can't live without my mate, Xeri. _ Literally_. And… and it's even worse than that, because my dad and godfather—they didn't just _ bully _ him. I don't know what they did, but Mum said it was a horrible crime, and… and he blames _ me_. It might not even be—I mean, he has PTSD, clearly, so it might not be _ blame_, but either way, he can't see me past whatever my family did to hurt him, and _ fuck_! What am I going to _ do_, Xeri?"

Xerides muttered a curse and caught Harry into his arms. No. _ No_. He would have to witness Harry grow old and die without him, yes, but he had thought he had a few more decades before the joy in his life winked out. He had thought he would, at least, have these few short years to love him in, even if he could never reveal the truth of his heart to his would-be mate. Even if loving Harry hurt like hell, the idea of losing him so soon….

Oh, _ gods_, no.

Xerides had faced armies and brutality not even Harry could fathom. He had seen kingdoms rise and fall, survived his family's slaughter as a child, and Torasi's family, too—twice. He had waged war against kings and tyrants and suffered as a prisoner of cruel humans, and he had never once given in to despair. He had been a survivor all his life, but losing Harry? 

No. He wasn't strong enough.

Xerides clutched Harry tight and buried his face in his friend's hair. "No. Don't… please."

Harry held Xerides' head against him and shuddered. "I don't want to. But the reality is, if we don't overcome this thing with Severus in time… that's what's going to happen to me. I'm going to die without him to balance my core, and…." Harry met his eyes, and the terror within them made Xerides' heart crack. "If he can't accept me by my twentieth birthday, then I have no choice but to kill myself or be burned to death by my own magic over the course of a _ year_. I… I'm not strong enough. I… fuck, I'm so scared."

Xerides held Harry tight. "I… I do not know the answer to this, Harry, but one _ must _exist. We shall find it. Somehow. I will not give you up."

Harry buried a few helpless tears in Xerides' arms, and Xerides prayed to every deity he knew that he could keep his promise.

_ 'Oh, Harry. Fates, if I could only heal this….' _

There had to be a way. There just _ had _ to be.

Xerides wasn't sure he would survive otherwise.

* * *

Harry felt as though he hadn't stopped crying since finding those accursed letters, but _ fuck_. If this wasn't cause to cry, what was? 

He held his mum's letter, clenched in a shaking fist, and searched her words for a hint, any clue as to what kind of crime he was dealing with. It happened before the pensieve incident, so that wasn't it, and Sirius hadn't tried to murder Severus until his seventh year, nor had Harry's dad been in on it—at least according to what he knew—so that wasn't it, either. Gods! 

He wished someone knew the facts and would tell him, but no one knew. And if they did, they weren't talking. Besides that, it wasn't fair to Severus to ask.

So where did that leave him?

"I… I just don't know. If I could gather what kind of trauma he's gone through, maybe I could work out a way past it, or at least a relatively safe way to approach him, but there's nothing specific here. All I can tell from her is that it was something horrible, and she was a total bint to him about it, but that isn't exactly helpful. All it means is _ Mum _ traumatised him, too. I… what do we do now?"

Hermione let her breath out in a shaky rush. "It just… we need more information, somehow, but how? Severus isn't likely to divulge it himself, and this isn't the kind of thing we can ask Kreacher to get for us. Even if we _ did _ find answers that way, Severus would never forgive us, and he'd be right not to. So who's left? Who else could possibly know the truth?"

Ron suggested, "Lucius? They're friends now."

Hermione shook his head. "I don't know, Ron. Severus has never been open with his past. I doubt they would have spoken of it."

"Lucius may not be able to reveal it regardless," said Xerides. 

Harry crossed his arms over his chest. "The only person I know for sure knows all the facts besides Severus is Dumbledore, but we can't ask him either."

Ron grimaced. "He's the one who covered it up in the first place, so asking him is pointless."

"Well, yes, but—"

Hermione gasped and cut across Harry. "Oh! Wait! Remus was friends with your family, Harry. Do you think he would—?"

Harry shook his head. "There's no way he knows. Remus has his shortcomings, but he would never go so far as to cover up a heinous crime against a classmate, and Mum wouldn't have trusted him with me if she thought he was in on it either. And we know he took them to task for what he _ did _ see. If he had witnessed something this bad… well, I just don't think he would have stayed friends with them even if he was scared. No. I doubt he has any clue."

"I think you are right, Harry," said Xerides. "I think, from what I have seen in your memories, Remus is an honest man. Perhaps not perfect, but never so cruel as to abandon a classmate in dire need and befriend his abusers. No. I think it is highly unlikely that he knows anything." 

Hermione insisted, "But we can _ ask_, can't we?"

"No," said Xerides, Winky, and Harry at once.

Hermione gave her husband a bemused look. Ron shrugged.

"Er… why, mates?" He looked between them with a worried frown. "I… shouldn't we at least try?"

"Not like that," Harry said with a shudder. "It's not fair to Severus."

"Um…?"

"You is hurting Master Severus if you ask like that," Winky said with a huff.

"I… don't understand," said Hermione.

Xerides shook his head. "It is a breach of privacy, Hermione. Much as having more details of their crimes against Severus might help us save Harry, to ask for information from anyone but Severus himself is a breach of trust he may not be able to forgive. Besides causing great harm to Severus, breaking his trust in such a manner will leave us in a worse state than we are now."

Harry nodded miserably. "We can't ask anyone but Severus himself. It's not right."

Hermione winced. "Oh! I was so caught up in trying to save you, I didn't even think of that. I'm sorry."

"Yeah," Ron agreed. "Sorry, mate, but if we don't know what happened, and we can't ask, where does that leave us? What are we supposed to do?"

Harry shuddered and picked at the tablecloth. "I… I don't know."

Xerides rubbed Harry's back, soothing the worst of his terror. "Perhaps we are approaching the situation from the wrong side. It is not the crime we need to solve, but Severus' reaction to it. And I can think of no one who knows Severus better than his síoda friend."

"Hippa…." Harry placed the letter aside, ignoring the crumples. "She wanted me to talk to him. To take care of him. As soon as I let it slip that I'm Severus' mate, she said he needs me, and I need him."

"She's willing to help then," said Hermione.

"Ask her, mate," Ron urged. "The worst she can do is say no."

Harry swallowed another surge of tears. "She's all the hope I have left, Ron. A no is pretty damn bad."

"Well, yes, but we've all seen she puts Severus' well-being above her own," said Hermione, "and she respects you, Harry. I think she would at least _ try _ to help, if she knew how."

"I think it is our best hope," said Xerides. "We are running blind without her aid."

Harry took a shaky breath. "R-right. Kreacher, will you bring her here, please? Tell her it's about what we spoke of this afternoon, and it's a matter of life and death."

Kreacher wiped tears from his face and stood. "It is all being true anyway, Master. Kreacher is going."

The old síoda disappeared, and Harry paced the kitchen floor until he returned a few moments later, a worried Hippa in tow.

"Master Harry?" Hippa winced at the sight of him. "You is being terrified. What has Hippa missed?"

Harry guided her to a seat. "Y-you remember how I told you Severus is my mate?"

Hippa nodded. "Is you going to speak to him?"

"I… I think I _ have _ to, Hippa, but I'm so scared. You know what the consequences of rejection are, and just after you left, I found out it gets _ so _much worse." 

He tapped the letter. "A letter from my mum. I found it in my Gringotts vault just after you left, along with a horror of a 'letter'—if one can call it that—from my arsehole of a father. Mum was training to be an Unspeakable before she got pregnant, and she learned things about sunguards there, things we don't have access to."

Harry shuddered and hugged his waist. "It… it's bad, Hippa. You see, sunguards are incredibly powerful. Too powerful for a human body to sustain alone. That's why I need Severus to live. My core is pure solar magic at ten times the power level of a human. I have to have someone with an ice, dark, or lunar core to balance me, or my magic will, quite literally, burn me alive. Until I read that, I thought just staying away from Severus and giving him space was the safest course of action for both of us, but now…."

He dropped his head and clutched at his waist. "The… the thing is, Hippa, my life depends on more than just Severus' life, apparently. He doesn't trust me or care about me at all, and not without justification, but if I don't convince him to bond with me before my twenty-first birthday, I'm going to die. Because my magical core is dependent on his to balance it, if he turns me down or doesn't trust me enough to accept me by then, I will literally burn to death." 

He brushed tears from his face with shaking hands. "And, even better, my family committed some terrible crime against Severus when he was young. I don't know what it was, but it's clear enough that he blames me for it, and maybe he can't even help it. I don't think he's even seeing me when he gets angry, you know? But either way, somehow, I have to overcome the trauma of his past and his mistrust of me, or I'm going to die."

"Fates and spirits," Hippa breathed. "Without Master Severus, you is burning to death? In two years?"

Harry nodded tearfully. "Please. Y-you know him better than anyone. I won't ask you to share his secrets with me—that's his decision to make or not—but I need what help you _ can _ give. What in Merlin's name am I supposed to do?"

Hippa breathed out slowly. "This… is not being easy to fix."

"N-no."

"Can you help us, Hippa?" Ron wiped his eyes. "None of us have any other solutions."

Xerides took her hands. "Do not hurt yourself, but if there is anything…."

Hippa sighed and rubbed her head. "Yes, Hippa is trying. First, Master Harry, you is being wrong. Master Severus is not hating you at _ all_. You is right that… he is not well, but he is not hating you."

Harry sank into his chair with a gasp. "Oh, gods. He… he doesn't? Really?"

"Hippa is not being able to say much, Master Harry, but Master Severus is being scared of himself. He is staying away not because he hates you, but because he is feeling bad about being harsh with you when he is waking up after the battle and he is not wanting to hurt you more. He is scared he will be lashing out again because of…."

"Of his past. Of his trauma by my arsehole of a father. And Mum, too."

"They is both breaking his heart, yes. And your godfather."

Harry winced. "H-how do I _ begin _to work past this, Hippa?"

Hippa hugged her knees. "I think you cannot. Not yet. Master Severus is needing time. But Hippa will be trying to help him heal until he is ready. And you… you should not give up on him, Master Harry. He is knowing you still care. He is only not sure how to fix it either."

Harry took a shaky breath. "S-so it's not… not hopeless?"

"No, Master Harry. Master Severus is… admiring you, but he is also scared. If you is giving him time to heal and thinking of ways to help him when you must be talking of mating, Hippa will be helping Master Severus heal so he is able to accept you better."

Harry buried his face in his hands and nodded. "I-I'll try, Hippa. Thank you."

Hippa bowed. "You is welcome. And… Master Harry, Hippa is thinking you should be _ very _careful about telling Master Severus about the mate bond. He is being nowhere near able to accept it yet."

"I won't, Hippa. I'll just try to heal the breach first and go from there." He gave her a wobbly smile. "T-thank you. I… I thought… there was no hope."

Hippa squeezed Harry's hand. "If you is being gentle with him and giving him time to heal, Hippa thinks there is hope, soon. Hippa is working to heal him until then."

"Y-yeah. Yeah, please."

Hippa bowed and popped away. Harry leaned against Xerides' arm. "He doesn't hate me, Xeri. He… even with everything they did to fuck this up for us both, he doesn't hate me."

Xerides hugged Harry tight. "I am so relieved." He kissed the sunguard's tearful cheek. "Come. We shall try to think of ways to heal the past between you while Hippa is working on him."

Harry squeezed Xerides' hand. "Thank you."

Xerides' smile held an edge of pain. "You are… dear to me, Harry. I would not be happy to lose you so soon."

Hermione sniffled and wiped her face. "Then let's go work out a few ideas over tea. Maybe we can all be a family one day. Merlin, I hope so."

"We will," Ron said with a nod. "We won't give up on him, just like Hippa said. Come on, mate. There just _ has _to be a way to untangle this."

"I shall help as much as I am able, too," Xerides said, voice soft and heavy with grief. 

Harry squeezed his fingers. "Hey, you okay?"

Xerides nodded. "Better than I was. Come. Let us think of ways to heal this, for all of our sakes. Severus, too."

"All right."

Harry held tight to Xerides' hand and followed them into the kitchen, heart light and hopeful for what felt like the first time in eons.

Maybe, just maybe, they could work this out after all.

* * *

Lucius closed _ Ancient Rights of Magical Succession _with a thoughtful frown. Abraxas and other power-hungry purebloods had always told Lucius that their wizengamot seats and positions of power were magic-given, lawful rights, passed down along father to son, or through the women if no male heirs existed. They had spoken as though magical law and magic herself had ordained purebloods—male purebloods at that—as the rightful custodians of the magical world, but so far, nothing Lucius had found supported that concept in the least.

In fact, the books Narcissa brought from their personal library each week suggested that high elves had once held that honour, at least until the more-populous humans, whose power did not wane with the sunset or sunrise, had stolen it from them. 

Was it possible—or wise—to return that power to the elves? Merlin knew purebloods hadn't done well with it, but how would he do so even if the elves _ would _ lead with more compassion? No one knew where they had gone. No one who wanted to talk to a pureblood, anyway. Particularly not one with a _ history_. 

He rubbed the tattoo under his robe and wished, for the thousandth time, he had listened to his mother rather than rebelling against her love. As a child, he had thought her 'interference' in Abraxas' plans had cost him his future. As an adult and with the benefit of knowing all the dark workings of Abraxas' mind, he knew she had saved him from himself… and worse.

Merlin, how he wished he had understood back then.

With a sigh, he picked up the next book in his stack and pushed his regrets away. He could do nothing to change the past, but if he applied his knowledge and experience gained from years of insight into the pureblood hierarchy of power, he might be able to save magical Britain from itself, too.

He jumped as, partway through the introduction, a knock sounded at his door. Hmm. Severus wasn't due until Wednesday, and Harry had just visited the day before. Perhaps Narcissa had come early.

"Enter."

To his surprise, Severus came in. He was jumpy and pale, and the sight terrified Lucius. Anything that could make Severus so afraid….

"Merlin! Are you all right? Has something gone wrong?" Lucius shuddered. "He is not _ back_, is he?"

Severus shook his head. "Sweet Circe, no. Peace, Lucius. Nothing terrible has happened. Quite the opposite, rather, but I find myself singularly unequipped to handle it. I… I am in need of your advice, actually, if you do not mind speaking with me for a time."

Lucius took a deep breath to calm his racing heart, but the images from his past wouldn't leave him be. Silly as it was, seeing Severus so afraid had put him in mind of much darker days, when they had both believed they would die to see the war ended, and he couldn't quite banish his fears.

"W-wait a moment. I… I need…." He summoned a Dawn Elixir from his supply and took a few sips, letting the potent medicine ease his panic. Within moments, he felt safe again. "Merlin, these are incredible."

Severus stared at the potion. "Is that…?"

"Dawn Elixir. Harry brought a supply earlier in the week to help with my nightmares and panic attacks. I… Severus?"

Severus, stark white and shaking, fell into the chair by the door. "Harry brought those?"

"Ah… yes?" 

"_Harry _did."

Lucius froze. _ Shite_. Harry had produced them under an alias, hadn't he? In the peaceful calmness the potions brought, Lucius had forgotten.

"Ah. I take it you were unaware of his professional alias?"

Severus choked out, "Not anymore."

Lucius hesitated. "Severus, are you quite all right?"

"I… no. Merlin, no."

Lucius passed him the rest of his potion. "Take it. I have more."

Severus gave a half-hysterical laugh that set Lucius' hair on end. "Y-yes. Take Harry's potion. That he produced."

"Severus? For Merlin's sake, what has gotten in to you?" Lucius nudged the man's hand. "Take the potion already, Severus. You're terrifying me."

Severus winced and gulped it down, but the edge of panic did not fade from his eyes. "Oh, gods." He dropped his head into his hands, and Lucius was more confused than ever. He hadn't seen Severus so upset since the trials, when he had to appear in public with his features healed. 

"Severus, for Circe's sake, what on earth is the matter?"

Severus took a shaky breath. "There has been a… development in my life. I received an offer from a new potions master three days ago, and with it… well, new opportunities came. Opportunity I never imagined I would know, and never dreamed I would _ want_, but I do. Did. Gods, anything but this. I was a fool the first time, and I am _ still _suffering twenty-three years later! Oh, fuck. Oh, gods."

Lucius watched Severus fall into a complete panic attack in utter shock. Not once during the war had he seen this kind of uncontrolled terror. Just what the _ hell _had this potions master done to him?

Lucius sat across him and took Severus' hands. Few could touch Severus like this, not without terrifying the man at least, but Lucius had long since earned his trust. 

"Breathe. Take a moment to clear your mind. What exactly is the problem? I should think an offer of work would relieve you, not terrify you out of your wits. We both know you are miserable at Hogwarts."

"I… it wasn't a position on offer. I received a trial sampling of his potions and tested them thoroughly. I was amazed at their potential and wanted into the project, so I sent Hippa with a letter. The Master turned me down, but…."

Severus stood and paced. "This is why I had originally come, but now… now, oh, I cannot _ believe _this."

"Talk to me, Severus. We have faced far worse dangers together. I will help you with this as well, as much as I can from here."

Severus shuddered. "No, Lucius. No one can help me with this. The damage is done, and I am not such a fool as to let myself suffer twice."

Lucius jerked to his feet. His wings shot out, and his nails formed into claws. "What? What bastard is threatening you again?"

Severus gaped. "Threat…? Oh. Lucius, calm yourself. That is not… not the problem."

Lucius let his claws recede. "Then, Severus, sit _ down _and explain what the problem is, please, because I have no idea what is happening, and I am terrified for you."

Severus sat again and drew his knees to his chest. He was shaking and pale. Lucius sat on the bed across him.

"Start at the beginning, Severus."

Severus took a shaky breath. "P-potions. A master sent me new potions. And I w-wanted in on the project, but Hippa, after she returned from delivering my message and speaking with him, told me he said the position was full. She also heavily implied that the master was in love with me or at least interested, but terrified of being hurt. And until now, I was interested, too. I came here seeking your advice on how to proceed, but now, oh gods, it's too much."

Lucius blinked. "A stranger? Interested in you? How could she tell?"

"Lucius. It was Solaris Grey."

Lucius drew up short. Where had he heard that name recently? 

Severus held up his empty phial, and Lucius understood with a jolt.

"_Oh_." Lucius blanched as the reason for his friend's sudden descent into panic became all too clear. "Oh, sweet _ Merlin_."

"Yes. So you see my predicament."

Lucius leaned against the headboard with a shocked huff. "Harry. Harry Potter loves you."

"I… I do not know if it goes so far, but…."

"Severus, the man went to war for you. He fought the Ministry tooth and nail to see you safe and honoured as you deserve, and he was utterly broken by your anger after the Battle of Hogwarts. No, the more I think of it, the more obvious it is. He is entirely in love with you." Lucius rubbed his face and closed his eyes. "Gods, the poor boy."

Severus gave a half-hysterical laugh. "Poor _ Harry_? He has his pick of lovers. He will be fine."

"Will he? By all my observations, he is as broken a year after the war as he was when you first awoke and your anger became clear."

Severus flinched. "H-he will be fine. I… I won't fall for it again."

"Severus, for Merlin's sake, you _ know _ Harry is nothing like the monster who broke you. You asked him to leave you alone, and he has broken his own heart to respect your wishes. He is the polar opposite of his parents, and while I understand your reticence, to paint him as something so vile when he has hurt himself to give you freedom is unfair."

Severus covered his face. "T-this is what I mean, Lucius. I am _ not _ free, not of my past, and if I dare attempt it, I will shatter us both by my ghosts."

Lucius rubbed his chin and struggled to think of an answer, but nothing came to mind. "I… don't know how to fix this. Even if you did want to try, I'm not entirely sure Harry would let you."

Severus stared. "I… but… why?"

"Severus. Harry is not his father. This is not a trick. He is not attempting to manipulate you, or if he is, he is patently bad at it."

Severus opened his mouth and shut it again. "Tell me. I know, but I think I need to hear it."

Lucius nodded. "You fear that Harry is using your weaknesses to manipulate you into trusting him, so he can break your heart?"

Severus shuddered. "Or worse."

"You know Harry is not that kind of demon. And as for the rest of it, if he wished to manipulate you into falling for him, don't you think it _ might _ be easier to do so while remaining in contact with you? He has cut off all methods of communication save only the secrets your síoda keep, cloistered himself behind blood-warded walls, and he even took his NEWTs and masteries under private tuition so as not to disturb you. He did not open his life to you even through his professional alias either. Gryffindor or no, Harry is far more intelligent than to believe such tactics have a chance in hell of winning you."

Severus hesitated. "That is a fair point, but… what if you are wrong? What if he is far more cunning than we have ever known? I… I underestimated his father, and—"

"For Merlin's sake, Severus. Have you _ no _ faith in him at all? I had thought you admired him in spite of his ties to your past, but this…. After all he has done to help you, all he has done to save me, to save even my son, who hardly ever gave him a reason to want to, how can you _ possibly _believe him as vile as all that?"

Tears shone in Severus' eyes. "I… I suppose I don't, not truly, but I am terrified, Luc."

Lucius sighed and rubbed Severus' hands. "Breathe, Severus. Take a moment to calm down and look at this rationally. You will be safe. Neither Harry nor I will let you come to harm."

Severus laid his head in shaking hands and took several deep breaths. Lucius rubbed the man's wrists to keep him anchored in the present and murmured calming things to him. He attempted to emulate the mind healers that visited the centre and guided Severus out of his panic, and soon, Severus lifted his head. Despite the tears streaking his face, he looked much more like the man of logic, courage, and honour Lucius knew him to be.

"I… do you truly suppose he would turn me away, assuming I can ever come to grips with the idea?"

Lucius nodded grimly. "As is, he believes he has no hope. He asks about your well-being every time he visits, and he listens to every word I tell him as a drowning man seeks air, but if I dare to encourage him to try healing the breach between you or ask what he thinks of you, he changes the subject every time." And every time he did, Lucius watched him die a little inside, too. "I think, if you dared approach him now, he would not begin to believe you meant it. He would run to spare himself further pain."

"I cannot regardless, but… fuck, Lucius. What can I do? I don't want to leave him in suffering either. Even if I… I am not prepared to… but neither do I want to make him bleed. If you are correct, he has sacrificed himself for my freedom and…." Tears raced down his face, and Severus hurriedly rubbed them away. "I do not want to leave him broken. What… what do I do?"

"Merlin." Lucius wrapped his arms around himself. "I think you are the only one who can answer that, Severus. If you cannot find it in yourself to give the boy a chance, it may be kinder to let him heal on his own terms, and you are nowhere near ready to embrace him either way. As of now, you cannot even see Harry as he is, let alone trust him to love and protect you as it is obvious he is trying his best to do, if only from afar. I think how we handle this all depends on you. Do you suppose you can ever move on from the past and see Harry in his own right?"

Severus leaned on his knees and stared at the floor. "I… I do not know."

Lucius had expected a flat no. Hmm. Perhaps it wasn't entirely hopeless. Perhaps Severus was more invested than he thought. 

Lucius suppressed a flinch. No. Best not to call the man's attention to _ that_. Not yet anyway.

"You have told me you admire him, Severus. Does knowing he has done what he has for you out of love change who he is? Does it make him less of a hero?" He shook his head sadly. "Merlin, I think it is just the opposite. Can you not see it?"

Severus' throat bobbed. "What… what do you mean?"

"Severus, you have never treated that boy well. Not on the surface at any rate. You and I know you did this all for him, but Harry? All he saw was a man who hated him, but who also had enough honour to help him anyway. He saw someone who saved and protected him out of duty, but who also never showed him the slightest shred of affection, and you know that is putting it lightly.

"Somehow, he saw through that smokescreen to the person you are beneath. Somehow, he saw the worth in you that, I think, only I, our síoda, Bill Weasley, Luna, and the Granger-Weasleys have seen before now. You treated him as an odious pest for his entire life and, at least in appearance, murdered someone he thought was a necessary leader for the light, if not a hero. The entire world thought you were the worst of villains, and still, he saw something worthy in you.

"And you have turned him away, viciously, for saving your life, your health, and your freedom. You hurt him, again. You never once gave him any indication of the admiration I know you feel for him, no hope beyond what tiny snippets his síoda reported, and _ still _he loves you anyway. Enough to break his own heart for your sake."

Severus dropped his head, and two silvery tears fell from under the curtain of his hair.

"That… I confess, Severus," Lucius went on, voice gentle, "I admired him for his efforts to save me and those dear to me before now, but this? You are my dearest friend and my brother-in-arms, and Harry loved you when no one else believed you worth saving—even when he knew there could be no hope of reciprocation. He is a ruddy little fool for choosing such an ill-fated path, but damned if I don't love him for it anyway."

Severus covered a hitching breath with his hand. "I am a demon, aren't I?"

Lucius took Severus' other hand. "No. No one could blame you for the trouble you have had in accepting him. No one, not even Harry, will blame you if you cannot embrace him in the future, either. Merlin knows such a relationship, given your past, would be a challenge. But his love for you, whether you can ever accept it or not, is not a threat, Severus. On the contrary, I think it may be the greatest gift you have ever received."

Severus hugged his knees. "I am not ready to…."

"No. That is patently obvious. And… maybe, if you can bring yourself to do so without treating him like his father deserves, you should tell him why. Why you have had difficulty seeing him on his own terms and why a relationship with him is difficult to embrace. I am positive Harry will accept what you need from him, whether it is to move on or give you time to heal."

"I… do you suppose I _ can _welcome him, Lucius? Or that I should?"

Lucius hesitated. He recalled the flash of red feathers he had seen in the Battle of Hogwarts as Harry's fire shield dropped, the way Greyback had burned under his touch, and the way his friends had all acknowledged Harry taking Lucius' hand as proof of the spy's honesty. Considering the hints Lucius had seen, the boy's love for Severus—and his willingness to fight for even criminals and fools—opened a possibility he dreaded. He hoped to hell that he was wrong, but just in case, he had to say _ something _in the boy's favour. At least, he had to try.

"No one can answer that but you, Severus, but I think, if you _ can _embrace him… Severus, that boy cherishes you, even now, despite everything you have done to discourage it. He loves you despite knowing his friends beyond his twin shadows and Lovegood must want him to choose someone else. the public must want a different choice for him, too. And he loves you though his own family painted you as a demon. You and I know it was to cover their own evils, and perhaps he does now, too, but I am sure it was not always so. He had to divorce himself from their myths to love you, from them entirely, I think, the only family he has ever known, and so he has done."

Lucius rubbed his friend's hands. "I think a man who would love you through such adversity… that kind of love is incredibly rare. Severus, if you are able to see him as Harry alone and not James Potter's shadow, then I think you would have the purest kind of love in the world waiting for you, when you are ready to open yourself to it."

Severus freed his hands and fidgeted with his robe. Merlin, the man was terrified to let himself display such anxiety. 

"You think I should try."

"Again, only you can answer that, Severus. If you cannot separate Harry from your past, well, it would not be fair to either of you regardless of how he feels. But then, perhaps if you are able to speak to him about it, to open yourself up enough to show him why a future with him is so terrifying, I think a man who loves you like that would be willing to help you recover."

"You said earlier you thought he would turn me away."

"He thinks you hate him, Severus. I wouldn't accept you either, were I in his shoes."

"Another Muggle idiom, but an apt one." Severus sighed and rubbed his forehead. "I… I need time. I need to think."

"Take it, Severus. Take time to heal. There can be no hope of reconciliation between you anyway until you are able to move beyond the past and see Harry for who he is." Lucius hesitated. "But if you _ are _truly considering giving him a chance, perhaps it wouldn't be amiss to give him some little hope that you do not hate him. Even if you are not considering it, reaching out to him at least that far might ease his pain." 

He swallowed a surge of dread. "But, Severus, even if you are unable to welcome him, I beg of you, let him approach you and tell you his own story before you refuse him outright. Whether to me, to him, or even to yourself. Please, _ do not say no_, to anyone, until Harry speaks to you."

Severus stared. "That is a strange request."

"Consider it a favour to a friend. May I have your word you will not reject him outright until he has a chance to speak to you of his own secrets?"

Severus frowned. "Do you know something I don't, Lucius?"

"I… no. Not absolutely, but I am afraid for him based on glimpses and conjecture."

Severus' stare pierced Lucius down to his soul. Thank Merlin the dampeners allowed inmates the ability to occlude. Well, and perform basic magic such as low-power summoning and warming charms, to shield themselves or others, and even to all-out defend themselves or others in dire emergencies, but it was the ability to shield his own mind that Lucius needed now.

Severus raised an eyebrow. "Lucius? Afraid _ how_? If I am to make an informed decision, I need to know."

"I… it is not my secret to tell, Severus. I do not know absolutely for one thing, and it is his choice to reveal it or not, if my fears are well-founded. Talk to _ him _ about it. But please, for his sake, do not turn him down until you do."

Severus sighed. "I… am no longer certain I want to turn him away."

"Aren't you?" Yes, Severus was definitely more invested than he thought.

"I… no. I need… time, but everything you have said is true, and I cannot deny it. I… need to know if I can move on first, but, for his sake, I shall do as you ask and wait to speak to him about your fears and Hippa's before I reject him, if it becomes clear that I cannot embrace him."

_ 'Hippa's? Oh, Merlin. Is it true?' _

Just in case these walls weren't as secure as Harry thought, Lucius said nothing out loud. Severus was a man of honour. He would keep his vow.

"Thank you."

"I… will also try to do as you have advised concerning my past, though I am not sure how. And in easing his pain."

"Good. Then, did you have any other worries?"

"I think I should like a distraction at the moment, actually. I need time to process it before I am able to go on."

"Then sit here and look what I found in Narcissa's latest offering. I think, my friend, that we purebloods are even further from the truth about our so-called divine mission than even you and I knew."

Severus nodded and followed Lucius to his desk.

* * *

That night, Severus stared at the crumpled parchment hidden in his potions book and struggled to come to terms with everything he had learned. He traced the letters, by now as familiar to his fingers after his post-war tantrum as they had been prior to that day. 

Had Harry loved him when he wrote this? It seemed such a pitiful offering for someone who did—merely a thank you?—but taken in context, Merlin, it meant so much more.

What kind of courage had it taken for Harry to write this to Severus? At that point, Severus had begun to question his presumptions about the boy, but Harry hadn't known, had he? He must have believed Severus would burn this note, to throw it in the bin and scowl, but he had sent it anyway, for no other purpose but to ease Severus' mind and encourage him. And no one else had received such a note.

Perhaps Harry _ had _ loved him, even then. 

How? How in Merlin's name had Harry come to feel so strongly about him? The last time they had met in person prior to that day, Severus had been _ brutal _with him. Why would anyone in their right mind love him after taking such abuse?

_ 'Somehow, he has even seen through that smokescreen….' _

Perhaps he saw more than Severus thought. The strange, wildly inappropriate questions, his clear confusion and fear, perhaps Harry had known Severus hadn't been seeing _ him _that dreadful morning. And perhaps that had triggered him to explore what he did know of Severus and reconsider his position.

Severus had no idea how such a small basis of honour had led Harry to love, but then, he had seen more of him than Severus showed, hadn't he? Just as Severus had asked Hippa to watch over Harry and keep him safe, Harry had asked Kreacher to watch over Severus. Knowing that, knowing what Kreacher must have told Harry, perhaps it wasn't so farfetched after all.

The thought sparked a wave of anger—how dare he spy on him?—but it faded quickly. 

_ "I sent Kreacher for two purposes only: to keep you alive and to determine if we could trust you. I never allowed him in your personal quarters unless you were in dire need of help." _

Harry hadn't sent his elf as a spy. He had asked Kreacher to keep him safe.

And Severus had turned on him for it.

_ "Loathe me if you want. I can live with your hatred, as long as you survive."_

_"I'm so sorry, Severus."_

_"I won't trouble you again."_

Tears stung his eyes as other memories came back. Eyes glowing like stars, barely visible under lowered lashes and hidden behind sheets of silver and snow. A red-winged angel kneeling over him, eyes golden as the sun and pouring tears that shone like pearls in the moonlight. A gentle hand on his hair. Something sweet on his lips. 

And soul-deep, desperate terror at the possibility that Severus might not make it. 

At that moment, Severus hadn't wanted to live. And he must have been delirious to imagine the wings and golden eyes. The night elf in the background, too, unless Lucius' discoveries held some merit. 

Wait. Hippa had said Harry had a high elf friend, hadn't she?

Merlin. Had a night elf truly saved Severus that awful night? A night elf Harry trusted to help him as closely as he trusted his dearest friends?

Severus shook off his confusion. It wasn't important at the moment. He focused on his memories of Harry. The truth of the man had brought more details of that night to the surface, and Severus wanted—_needed_—to know the truth.

The devotion and grief in Harry's eyes, Severus recalled it clearly now. The touch of his gentle fingers in Severus' hair. The gentle words he had spoken. Delirious or not, Severus knew that much was real.

_ "It's all right now. I'm here, love. It's all over now. You're going to be okay." _

His tears dropped. Harry had tried so hard to save him. 

Another memory crawled out of the darkness, of the deep recesses of trauma and illness. He had forgotten until that moment. When his strength waned, and Harry knew he might not survive, the man had shattered before Severus' eyes.

_ "No! Stay with me, Severus! Hold on, love. You have to hold on. Please… please don't leave me." _

Severus dropped his head onto his hands and struggled not to break down. It was true. Harry loved him, truly loved him with the kind of selfless devotion that had survived a war fought from different sides, the trauma of Severus' past, six years of hatred, and Severus' anger and violent backlash at finding the peace of death had evaded him, again.

It was no trick, no manipulation. Harry just didn't have that kind of cruelty in him. He was a brave, selfless, honest man. He was a brilliant fighter and potions master, too.

And he loved him. Harry loved him.

_ "You have the purest kind of love in the world waiting for you, when you are ready to open yourself to it." _

Severus sat up and wiped his face. He couldn't face the idea of a romantic relationship with Harry Potter, not when his ghosts still dogged his every step. And though they knew much of each other's character through their mutual struggles during the war and their house elves' help, they hadn't spent much time together on equal ground. They didn't know each other well, despite their mutual devotion to each other. 

No. Severus wasn't ready.

But he wanted to be.

He took a shaky breath and wiped his face. Yes. He wanted this, too, once the ghosts of the past had been laid to rest. He knew he could trust Harry with his heart, if he could only learn to see him on his own merit and not let his past taint his view of the present.

Harry had never known his father, after all.

Severus breathed deeply and struggled for control. He mightn't be ready to love the boy, but they had a long way to go and a terrible history to heal before they could move on to that point anyway. Harry had no idea that Severus' opinions of him had undergone a paradigm shift since the last time they had met on Hogwarts soil.

Perhaps he should start by healing that. And Severus knew just how to do it.

"Hippa?"

His house elf appeared with a bow. "Master Severus is needing…." She gasped. "Oh, Master! You is crying. Is you hurt?"

Severus shook his head. "I… have learned some startling truths today. Solaris Grey… it is Harry Potter, isn't it?"

She winced. "H-Hippa promised not to say."

"Very well. I shan't ask, but will you take a letter to him for me?" Severus charmed a piece of parchment to allow Harry to respond. "Once I am finished with it, of course."

Hippa beamed. "Hippa is happy to help." She hesitated. "But please, do not be sending him away, Master. He is being more hurt than brokenhearted if you do."

Severus frowned. "That is the second time today I have received that warning, and the third time altogether counting your first request. Is there something I should know?"

"Hippa is not being allowed to say."

Severus nodded. "I shall simply ask him then, once he is able to trust that I will not hurt him for it."

She slumped in relief. "Yes, yes, that is being wise, Master."

Severus inclined his head and picked up his quill. His hand trembled.

_ 'Gods, I am so afraid, but it feels… different from the past. Nerves, I suppose. Oh, Harry. I have no idea how this happened, but I hope so much that this will be a chance for a better life. A new life for both of us.' _

Merlin knew they deserved it.

With a shaky sigh and a silent prayer, Severus inked his quill and began to write.


	46. Baby Steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I got completely overwhelmed with comments last time, and my ASD is making it tough to reply at the moment, but thank you for all the kind words! ❤
> 
> And they _finally_ meet on equal ground. Luna has secrets. Also, formatting these letter conversations is a pain. Thank goodness there aren't nearly so many in the next one.
> 
> Watercolor at the end of Severus and Luna at the gates! I love that one. ❤
> 
> **Elvish:**  
_Gová naída_: goodnight.  
_Tethána_: thank you.  
_Wendára_: you're welcome.  
_Sèra_: sister.  
_Brèda_: brother.

#  **Chapter 46**

##  _ Baby Steps _

Harry and his friends sat in his garden, out in the light of the full moon for Xerides' sake, and discussed his problems with Severus over a plate of tea and hot cocoa. It was bloody cold this early in the year, but Xerides liked the moonlight, and Harry needed the peace of nature to keep him from panicking. No one had any viable solutions, and the clock was ticking.

Ron fiddled with a honey biscuit, his plate otherwise untouched in the power of his distress. "What if you brought him a present?" 

Harry gave his friend a dark look. "I had planned to, but what? What is enough to make up for what they did to him?"

Xerides' voice came out low and hesitant. "I think there is nothing that can. All you can hope to do with a gift is… perhaps, to show that you do care and you are trying. It will not heal the past."

"Dobby is thinking Master Xerides is right," said the elf with a mournful look. "Gifts is not fixing this."

Harry nodded. "Exactly." He slumped onto the table, careless of the cold. "What in Merlin's name am I going to—"

A sudden pop on the table just ahead nearly startled him out of his skin. "What the…?" He stopped dead at the sight of a piece of parchment on the table. A letter. And only one person could get through his wards to deliver it like this.

"S-Severus?"

His friends gasped as one.

Xerides whispered, "Is it truly?" 

"Who else _ could _it be?" Ron waved at the grounds. "No one else can get through the wards at night but Chloe, Pig, and Dekthar, and owls don't just pop letters into existence."

"Kreacher is knowing that magic," the síoda added. "It is Hippa's."

"Hippa?" Harry swallowed hard. "A-are you here?"

There was no answer.

"She is probably caring for Severus," said Xerides.

"R-right. Of course."

Hermione leaned forwards, eyes alight with excitement. "Well, go on then! See what it says."

Harry swallowed a rush of fear and picked up the parchment in shaking hands. Xerides made a light for him so he could read it.

"T-thanks." Harry took a few calming breaths and forced his eyes to the parchment. Severus couldn't have rejected him, or he would already be dead.

Right?

He trembled all over. What if it didn't take affect until he read or heard the words? Xerides rubbed his back, and Harry leaned against the elf's side for comfort.

"Xeri, would you… could you read this and… and just make sure it's safe?"

Xerides ran his fingers through Harry's hair and scanned the note. "It is safe."

Harry relaxed against him with a sigh. "T-thanks. Um, stay like this? It helps, and I'm scared."

Xerides' smile held an edge of sorrow. "Of course."

Harry hesitated. "Is it bad, Xeri?"

"I tried not to read details too much, Harry, but I think it is not."

"Oh." Harry leaned against his friend and hoped his presence helped. It did, sometimes, when Xerides' secret sorrows overwhelmed him. "I'm here, okay? That won't change."

Xerides rubbed his shoulder. "I know. Go on, Harry."

"R-right." With a deep breath, Harry focused on the letter.

> _ Harry, _
> 
> _ I learned from Lucius today that I have you to thank for the potions samples. Solaris Grey, hmm? _

"Shite. He knows about the potions and my alias."

Ron winced. "Is he angry, mate?"

"Er… it didn't seem like it, but I didn't read past… um, let me see."

> _ I understand why you did it. You wanted to be seen on your own merit, didn't you? No fame or prejudice to interfere. No bad memories either. _
> 
> _ Memories that I forgot, for a time, you had no part in. _
> 
> _ I am sorry, Harry. For the way I treated you as a child, necessary as it might have been, and the way I reacted upon waking after the war. _

Harry sank against Xerides in wonder, tears fast blurring the parchment. "Oh…."

"Harry?" Xerides gripped his shoulders. "Are you well?"

"I… he apologized. F-for everything."

Hermione gasped. "Oh, Harry."

Ron squeezed her hand. "Thank _ Merlin_."

"Y-yeah. Oh, gods. I can't bloody believe it."

"We knew he was a good man, Harry," said Hermione with a sniffle. "He… he just needed time, like Hippa said."

Ron rubbed Harry's wrist. "Yeah, probably so, mate."

Xerides said nothing, but the way his fingers slipped through Harry's hair offered a silent support. The elf's touch soothed Harry, and soon, he blinked his eyes clear and read on.

> _ I think you know I neither planned nor wanted to live beyond the war. I had so many ghosts, so much pain, the idea of rest… I needed to be at peace. And when I realised you had saved me, I was more devastated than angry, but you did not understand that, did you? I did not let you understand it. _
> 
> _ Harry, there is so much I have yet to move on from. Hogwarts has never been the sanctuary for me that it was for you, and returning there when I thought the pain would end… it hasn't made my struggle to cope any easier. _

"Oh, _ Severus_." Tears raced down Harry's face. "Gods. I swear I would heal you, if I could."

Xerides held him a little tighter. "We will find a way." His voice wavered, and Harry wondered just how important Severus had come to be to the night elf. He rubbed Xerides' hand and read on. 

> _ I think there is much we need to speak about, and I find myself wanting to meet you on equal ground. You are a potions master now, after all, and your work… Merlin, Harry. I was blind to have missed such potential in you all this time. _
> 
> _ Your work, perhaps, would offer an ideal place to start from in rebuilding a relationship between us, from scratch, if you are interested. Would you like to meet me for dinner some time over the next week and discuss them with me? Friday, perhaps? _

Harry stared, hardly comprehending what he had just read. Was he dreaming again? A fate dream would certainly explain this, because it couldn't be real.

"Someone jinx me."

Hermione and Ron shared a bemused look. 

"Jinx you?" Hermione gaped. "Why in Merlin's name would we do that?"

"Because there is no way I'm awake right now." 

A mild stinging jinx on the bum made Harry yelp and jump into Xerides' lap. The elf gave a little cry of shock, too.

"Er… oops!" Harry climbed down and rubbed his stinging bum. "Ron. You bastard."

"You're welcome," said an amused Ron. "Nice leap, by the way. I hope you missed everything vital."

Xerides made a choked off sound of embarrassment and turned crimson. "I am unharmed. Fates."

Harry chuckled and squeezed Xerides' shoulder. "Sorry, Xeri. But… holy shite, I _ felt _ that. I… is this really _ real_?"

"Really really real," Hermione said in a dry tone. 

"Prat!" Harry sank into his chair, feeling as though he had stepped into another world, and winced as the chilled wood stung his bum. "I can't believe it."

"What, mate? We aren't as good as Xeri at legilimency yet, and you're too good at occluding now anyway."

"And Winky is worried for Master," said the síoda.

"I…."

"Harry?" Xerides rubbed his shoulder. "Is it good?"

Harry stared at the letter and whispered, "He… he asked me out."

"What?" Hermione squealed and scooped Harry into a hug. "Oh, Harry! I knew it! I knew it would be okay."

Harry flushed and stepped back. "Don't count your galleons yet, 'Mione. He asked me to talk to him about my potions and to start over, not on a date."

Hermione cocked her head. "Where did he ask you to go?"

Harry's ears burned. "Er… dinner. Friday. He didn't specify a place."

She smirked. "It's a date then. Or close enough to count."

"Hermione! Don't get my hopes up."

"Speaking of hope," said Ron, "don't you think you might want to _ answer him _"

Harry blinked. "Answer…? _ Oh_. Hang on. I haven't finished yet." 

He sat down again, leaning on his unjinxed buttock. Xerides rubbed Harry's back, the touch charged with healing magic. Harry gave him a warm smile. 

"Thanks, Xeri." He took comfort from Xerides' aid and finished his letter. 

> _ I have taken a leaf from your book, so to speak, and charmed this so you may write upon it to respond, if I have not ruined any chance of reconciliation by my anger. I await your reply. _
> 
> _ Sincerely (and I do mean that, Harry), _
> 
> _ Severus _

Harry stared at the signature and blinked hard. "He… he signed as 'Severus.' As an equal. I… Merlin." He buried a few quick tears in his hands, then pulled himself together. Severus was probably worried by now. "_ Accio _ quill and ink!" Said items zoomed from the house, and Harry wrote below Severus' name.

> _ 'Merlin, sir. Is this real? I… gods. I can hardly believe it. I thought you hated me.' _

A moment later, Severus wrote back.

> _ 'I had begun to think you would not answer. Yes, it is real, Harry. I have not hated you since the day you apologised to me two years ago. Or rather, seeing the cost of blaming you for sins you never committed taught me to begin the process of learning to see you as you are. _
> 
> _ 'I am sorry, Harry. I never should have hurt you, and the things I said! Gods. I hope you are able to forgive me.'_

> _ 'Sir, I forgave you the same night. Between the fact that you didn't try to have me expelled and your apology, as well as my own observations of your behaviour, I could tell you weren't talking to _ _ me__.'_

> _ 'So you did see it. I had wondered.'_

> _ 'Yeah. I knew you weren't yourself that time. It's all right. You're forgiven. I said some pretty awful things, too, and that outburst might have killed you. I was terrified it would.'_

> _ 'I was not harmed, only distressed that I had attacked you and that you were so severely injured. I… what happened that day, Harry? What caused such a violent burst of your magic?'_

> _ 'Oh, Merlin. I can't talk about everything yet. I'm scared, and you're not ready to hear all of it, I think. We both need time before I can get into the details, but the short answer is that my magic was unstable at the time. It's settled since, but then, I had just received a massive power boost and didn't know how far it went or how to control it yet, and anger brings out my power. I can't say anything else.'_

> _ 'Will you explain it to me in full when you are able to trust that I will not harm you for it?' _

Harry took in a shaky breath and blinked back a surge of powerful emotion.

_ 'I will not harm you.' _

"Oh, Severus."

He sniffled and returned to his letter.

> _ 'Oh, gods. Yeah. I… yes. Soon. I just… we need some time first.'_

> _ 'I agree. We have too much anger and hatred to move past to be flippant with each other's confidence.'_

> _ 'No. Not hatred, not for me. I haven't hated you for a long time, either. I'm not sure how far back it goes, but even when we all thought you had betrayed us, I couldn't hate you. I was angry, of course, and terrified, but I couldn't hate you._
> 
> _ 'I'm sorry, too, sir. For all you had to sacrifice, for… the things my family did to hurt you, and for the things I said and did, too. Can you forgive me?'_

> _ 'Harry, of course I forgive you. There is little enough to forgive regardless. I am the one at fault. _
> 
> _ 'As for your other concerns, Lucius suggested that I speak to you about your family's crimes against me, and I think he is correct, but it is… not a subject I am prepared to discuss. Not at Hogwarts especially. Here, the ghosts of my past are too close. I am afraid of myself. Like you, I need time to think of how to broach the topic safely.'_

> _ 'Okay, sir. As much as you need.'_

> _ 'Please call me Severus. I am not your professor any longer, and we are colleagues.'_

> _ 'Severus? Oh. Merlin. Thank you.'_

> _ 'Not at all. You are amenable to meeting Friday, then?' _

Amenable? He couldn't wait.

Harry wrote back and forth with the man until there was no room left on the parchment, and then Hermione gently nudged a stack of charmed parchment and a cup of steaming cocoa towards him. Harry accepted both with a tearful smile.

"He asked me to call him 'Severus.' He wants to meet me at the new Italian restaurant in Diagon Alley on Friday. The expensive one. And he's insisting on paying. Hermione, are we _ sure _I'm not dreaming?"

She kissed his cheek and sniffled. "It's real, Harry. Oh, thank _ God_."

"Thank Lucius is more like it."

Hermione frowned. "Lucius?"

"Yeah. He's Severus' best friend, 'Mione. Severus talks to him. And Lucius accidentally let my alias slip and convinced Severus to talk to me."

"Oh. Right. Well, tell him thank you from us."

Harry gave her a wry look. "You might do it yourself." At her wince, he turned back to his letter. "I'll make sure he knows I appreciate his efforts to help me. Don't worry."

Hermione sighed. "I'm sorry, Harry. I… I know it's silly, but I'm a little nervous around him. I'll try to overcome it though. He _ has _come a long way. It's just hard to forget that he wanted me dead at one point. Ron feels the same way."

"I know. Lucius really is a new person though. You're safe with him, I promise. And thank you for trying." He nudged her wrist. "Go on inside. We… Severus and I have so much to talk about. I think we might be at it for a while."

"I will keep you company then." Xerides gave him a sad smile. "I would thank Lucius, if I could. Will you tell him?"

"Er… not sure how safe that is, Xeri, but I'll let him know I'm grateful and my family is, too."

Xerides bowed his head in thanks. 

"Good luck, Harry." Hermione kissed his cheek. "Tell us everything later?"

"Everything I can anyway. _ Góva naída_, 'Mione."

"_Góva naída_, Harry." She cocked her head and smiled. "You should teach a little Elvish to Severus. I'm sure he would be fascinated."

"Maybe enough to ask where I learned it," Harry pointed out.

"Ah. Well, maybe in the future." She kissed Xerides' cheek as well. "_Góva naída_, Xeri." She set another cup of cocoa at his place. "Be careful if you stay out tonight. It's so cold."

The elf returned her greeting and settled his seat next to Harry. "We shall be fine. _ Tethána, séra_." 

"_Wendára, bréda_." She waved, gave Harry one last hug, and vanished into the house.

Xerides nudged Harry's hand. "He is probably worried."

Harry nodded and scribbled a reply and an explanation for the delay. "You don't have to stay with me if you're bored, Xeri. I'm okay."

Xerides gave him one of those haunted smiles again. "I am where I wish to be."

Harry wrapped his wing around his friend and tugged him against his side. "Well, if you're staying, help me stay warm, hmm?"

Xerides chuckled and summoned a blanket of starlight. "And it even lights your letter."

"Perfect." Harry rubbed his wing against the elf's back. "You can come to me if you need to, Xeri. I'm here for you, too."

Xerides gave him a true smile. "Thank you. You have other concerns at the moment, however. Talk to your mate, Harry. I am content."

Harry nodded and returned to his conversation.

* * *

Friday evening came both too fast and too slow. Severus spent the rest of the week alternating between dread and anticipation, and the constant fluctuation had all but driven him mad. He doubted he had been much good as an instructor that week, given the degree of his distraction, but at least no one had blown themselves to bits.

Scattered and fragmented as he was, that had to be some kind of miracle.

Severus stood just inside the Hogwarts gates and counted down the minutes to six o' clock. Twenty to. He had arrived earlier than planned, but he hadn't been able to take the tension of waiting any longer. Merlin, he felt like a teenager before their first date rather than a grown man meeting an acquaintance for a meal.

It wasn't so simple though, was it? Whether Severus wanted it to be a simple, platonic meeting or not, the knowledge of Harry's love for him kept creeping in. Gods. Could he bear it? Was he mad to even attempt reconciliation, considering his past? 

Maybe he was a fool to hope. Maybe he had set himself up for failure. Again.

He glanced down the path for the tenth time in as many seconds. Nothing yet. Damn. He was acting like an utter fool.

Yet, he couldn't help it. This night had the potential to ruin him all over again. To open wounds he had just begun to heal and set him back to the start of a long, arduous recovery process. 

And it also had the potential to bring beauty to his life. It might be the start of something wonderful, if he could only find the strength to take the first step.

Well, perhaps he already had taken steps by writing Harry the first night. They hadn't stopped until the wee hours, and only then because Severus had to teach in the morning and Harry had been worried about him getting enough sleep.

He hadn't slept much anyway. 

They had gone to bed at a more reasonable hour the next night, but Severus had also contacted Harry well before nightfall.

And the next night, Harry had tentatively reached out to him. Severus had had a pile of essays to grade, but Harry had stunned him by offering to take half himself. 

Severus hadn't let him, not because he didn't trust the man's knowledge, but because Harry might lose control if he saw the comments Severus' students left in the margins. He only had two more months of this nightmare to go, then he could start over and find a new place. Perhaps, if they got along as well in person as they had over letters the past few nights, he might go into research with Harry. The idea gave him hope and terrified him all at once.

Gods, he was risking everything, and it might all end in disaster. Had he lost his—

A girlish giggle sounded behind him, and Severus turned to see a group of third year Ravenclaws emerging from the cover of pink and white fruit trees, newly-blossomed, and clouds of sunny forsythia. The girls' mirth died at the sight of him, and they turned towards the castle with a scowl. They didn't take their eyes off him even as they walked away, and Severus looked towards the gates so they mightn't see how much their ire and mistrust hurt.

He deserved it. He knew he did. Whether he had been a spy or not, he hurt those children. He couldn't spare them pain. Couldn't stop their suffering no matter that he tried to mitigate it as much as possible. They had a right to hate him, and yet, he had given everything, _everything_, of himself to protect them. He wouldn't deny them the right to be angry, but neither could he deny the pain it caused him that, even now, they hated him for all he had sacrificed to save their lives.

Not only the students, either. The entire world saw him as an anomaly. An outsider. 

Merlin, would he ever find a place where he belonged?

Footsteps sounded on the other side of the path, and Severus prepared himself for another round.

Well, it was a Ravenclaw girl, yes, but that particular seventh year had seen through his masks long ago. 

Lovegood smiled at him and came to stand by his side. "In time, sir, Harry will help the world understand what you sacrificed for them. You'll lead us, one day, I think."

Severus grimaced. "I have no desire to be the headmaster again, Lovegood. I will not even be a professor again after term ends."

"Oh, I know."

Severus stared. "You… know. Minerva has not announced my retirement."

"I think you know I don't need her to tell me to understand the truth."

Severus nodded and turned back to the gates. "A leader, hm? I think your sight must be broken. The world would sooner see me led to the gallows."

"Not for long, I think. Harry will help you."

Severus let his breath out in a rush. "Oh. So… you think we shall be well, then? Harry and I?"

"Fate ordained _ that _a long time ago. It's only that trauma and war got in the way." She squeezed his hand, and, for once, Severus had no desire to jerk away. Perhaps she had known it was safe. "Don't be afraid, sir. All your dark days are done. Well, the lonely ones anyway."

Severus stared into the twilight, blinking hard. "This is one time I hope your strange brand of wisdom proves true, Lovegood."

"Please call me Luna, sir. You're family."

"Am I?" He fixed her with a searching look. "Why do you say that? I have seen no evidence that we are kin at all."

"Oh, people can be kin without being blood relatives. Just look at Harry and the Weasleys."

Severus nodded hesitantly. "I have hardly been a father figure to you either, Lo—Luna."

She chuckled. "No, I have a father already, and he's quite enough of a handful on his own, thank you."

Severus snorted softly. "I see." He frowned. "Your sight… it seems incredibly powerful."

"Yes. And sunlight only makes it stronger."

"Sunlight…." He gazed to the horizon, glowing pink and vermillion behind the silhouette of the castle and the Scottish highlands. "Luna, are you human?"

She smiled. "At the moment, quite as human as you are, sir."

"At the moment? You are past the age of inheritance, are you not?"

"Am I? I had thought I had quite a few years left to wait. The jullybees seem to think so anyway."

"Jully…." He shook off the strange creature. It wasn't important. "And at the end of those years, you will… change?"

"Who can say? It depends on what fate has in store for me, but, yes. I believe so."

He racked his brains for a being with a late inheritance, but could think of nothing. "And what will you be?"

"I don't know, sir. Mum died before she could tell me, and Dad was never certain. She gave it up, you see. To have a family with us. So we never knew what she would have been if she hadn't, as she didn't want us to feel guilty. I think, if she had lived longer, she would have told us for my sake—I always thought she would tell me before Hogwarts—but she died before she could, and she hadn't any family left, not that we ever knew of. None but us." She gazed into the sunset. "I think my truth is getting closer, though. So is yours."

Severus' breath caught. "Mine?"

"Well, I don't know what it is for you either. Not yet. Besides, we haven't time to discuss it now anyway. Harry is just around the bend."

Severus' stomach jolted, and he whipped his head up in time to see Harry step onto the path. 

_ Oh_.

Adulthood looked wonderful on him. Though he would never be tall, his war training had given him an agile, powerful physique and a grace of bearing his teenage self had only dreamed of. His viridian eyes glowed golden in the sunset behind his lenses, and the light shimmered on his skin like mica. He had styled his hair so its natural untidiness looked purposeful, and his dark violet robes flattered his compact frame in a way that made Severus forget to breathe. 

_ Merlin_. Harry was bloody stunning.

And, best of all, he looked _ nothing _ like his father just then. At least, not so much that Severus couldn't see him as a separate person. 

Thank the gods.

Severus couldn't keep the heat from his face. Merlin and Morgana, he must look like a fool next to such casual grace. At best, he could only hope to pass muster.

He frowned into the shadows. Perhaps that wasn't true any longer. Harry had restored his natural appearance, hadn't he? He oughtn't to put so much stock in his looks anyway. Harry had loved him before he had healed him. Clearly, he saw more of worth in Severus than his appearance.

"Hello, Harry!" Luna waved, beaming all over her face. "My, but you look so dashing tonight! The torvles are very impressed."

Harry grinned. "Luna? Er… thank you, but what are you doing here?"

"Waiting for you, of course. I have missed you so."

Harry smiled hesitantly. "I… I missed you too, but where's Severus? I was supposed to meet him here, and—"

"I am here, Harry." Severus stepped into the light and struggled not to fidget. Spies didn't _ fidget_, and it would do nothing to lessen the impact of his looks or lack thereof.

"Oh." 

Harry's eyes widened and tracked down Severus' body, and Severus forced himself not to squirm. Oh, no. He shouldn't have worn blue. Damn it, he had _ told _Hippa he didn't look good in colour, but she had insisted on making his outfit for the night, and he hadn't been able to tell her no. 

Harry's eyes snapped back to Severus' own, and the sunny light in them shone twice as bright. 

"Severus, Merlin. You're so lovely. Blue is gorgeous on you."

Severus ducked to hide a flush. "You needn't flatter me, Harry."

Harry stepped closer, biting his lip. "Oh. Er. I'm sorry. Should I not have said so? I… damn."

Luna tiptoed and whispered, "Sir, you needn't be afraid. Harry is _ real_." She squeezed his hand. "Well, I'm off to study. Not even seers can pass the NEWTs without work! Enjoy your evening, gentlemen." She waved and skipped back up the path, humming something under her breath.

"I could swear I've heard that recently," said Harry with a frown. "Luna's song, I mean. I don't recognize it, but it sounds familiar anyway. How odd."

"Perhaps you heard it in passing." Severus looked up, face hot and heart pattering. "You… you look lovely as well, Harry."

Harry gave him a bright smile. "Yeah? Thanks, Severus." His gaze dropped, and he rubbed one foot in the path. "I-I meant it, you know. It wasn't just flattery."

"I know. Forgive me. I am unaccustomed to hearing such things."

Harry lifted his head, and something in his eyes went soft and sad. "You shouldn't be. Damn it, you should have heard those things more. I…." He took a shaky breath. "Sorry. It bothers me, how people treat you, but I'll keep it together."

Severus nodded hesitantly. "Thank you." He waved to the path. "We should go. We will be late if we do not hurry."

"I'm sorry. I thought I left enough time."

"You have. It is no trouble." 

"Oh. Good." Harry fell into step beside him. "I brought my research notes, like you asked. I'm interested to hear your opinion on my work. I know it's not… I don't have your brilliance, Severus, but I'm doing my best."

"Hm. Your potions seem brilliant enough to me."

"I… thank you." Harry's voice came out rough. "It means a lot."

Severus lowered his head. "I missed it."

"What?"

"You have so much potential, and I could only see your father's shadow. I _ missed _it."

Harry rubbed Severus' wrist, his touch light and cautious. The sensation sent a whirl of fluttery swoops through Severus' belly, but it did not alarm him. He couldn't help a quiet sigh of relief. Harry could touch him, at least in soft ways.

And while Potter Senior's legacy did not interfere.

"It's okay, Severus," Harry murmured, hands back at his sides. "I missed a lot about you, too. We can just… start over now, like you wanted."

Severus nodded. "That sounds lovely."

Harry smiled and flushed. "Yeah? I… I'm glad." He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked on, trembling, but radiating happiness. 

"Tell me of your research while we walk, Harry."

Harry beamed. "Yeah, all right. Well, as I said, my potions are based on the blood and tears of… a unique being. A holy being, actually. Er… his blood is literal light and life, so, naturally, it lends itself to healing potions. Honestly, I doubt I could have prepared brews with his offerings in a way that _ didn't _heal, but when I decided to go for my mastery, I wanted to do it properly anyway…."

Severus found himself fascinated by Harry's process and unique approach to invention, and soon ended up in a passionate discussion about the attributes of moondew in healing brews. So much so, he hardly noticed as Harry took his hand and apparated them to Diagon Alley.

"Hold on, Severus."

Warmth squeezed Severus' palm, and the world shifted around him. He stopped in front of the Leaky Cauldron on the magical side, a little disoriented and surprised, but safe.

Harry hesitated. "Oh. Was that bad? I'm sorry. I should have—"

"No." Severus reoriented himself with a little shake to clear his head. "It is quite all right. Where was I? Ah, yes." He waved towards the paving stones and started towards the restaurant. "Moondew was a good choice in your potion, Harry. Holy magic activates the lunalis compound in the leaves and flowers and, in general, doubles its healing potential."

Harry followed, expression warm with relief. "Yes, and when you combine it with holy tears and phoenix tears, the compound… changes altogether. It takes on similar characteristics to dittany, but ten times stronger. I was blown away by its potency in my potions trials."

"Merlin. Phoenix tears… perhaps it is the firulin in them that alters the lunalis compound. As it works off of fire magic versus moonlight, it could, potentially, switch the magical charge to a solar aura."

Harry cocked his head. "My being is a solar being, so I think you must be onto something." He grinned. "I'm going to have to test it as soon as I get home."

"Yes. Tell me of your results?"

"Of course. I'll send you a letter and update you in real time."

Severus inclined his head. "Thank you."

"Not at all. It was your idea."

"Which you provided the basis for. I am impressed, Harry."

And happy. Gods help him, as he walked through Diagon Alley at Harry's side and spoke of common interests with him, Severus realised he had never felt so warm. 

If being loved felt this way, Severus thought he might get used to it.

Harry gave him a bright smile. "I'm happy, Severus. I'm so glad you're with me tonight."

Severus' heart thumped. Oh. A surge of fear lanced around his gut and made him stop in the middle of the path. Happy to be with him. Harry hadn't said anything overtly romantic, but Severus knew. And the idea scared him. His own willingness to embrace it scared him even more.

"Severus?" Harry looked up at him, eyes uncertain and fearful. "Hey, it's okay. You… this is just, um, a meeting. I'm just enjoying talking to you. As colleagues, you know? You're safe." He gave him a brave smile that might have concealed his pain if Severus hadn't felt the sharp edges in Harry's aura, like broken glass and razor blades around his heart.

Severus' hesitation had hurt him, badly. And if Harry didn't care, if this wasn't real to him, it wouldn't have cut so deep. 

_ "Harry is real, sir." _

Yes. He was.

And that meant Severus had a choice. He stood on the edge of a precipice, and, he knew, whatever he chose, Harry would support him. Even if it hurt.

He could pull back here. He could retreat to familiar territory and safer ground and avoid the fall. They could spend the evening speaking solely of potions and defence, and pass the time as colleagues. He could keep his heart safe. Harry wouldn't hurt him for it, he was certain.

But, if he dared, he could step off the edge instead. He could leap into the sky and trust that Harry, the man who loved him, would be there to teach him to fly. He could take a chance on the future he had given up all hope on decades ago, and risk his heart on this caring, sacrificial young man.

And in doing so, gain a love and a future he had never dared hope for. Harry wanted to share it with him, if Severus could be brave enough to take the chance.

He took a shaky breath. Much as the thought tempted him, Severus wasn't _ ready _ to leap. He still had so much baggage to work through, baggage that would hurt Harry, too, and as long as he remained at Hogwarts, his trauma was too close. No, he couldn't take that risk, not yet.

But he wanted to, soon, and perhaps that was enough. At least, he might give Harry hope.

Someday, he wanted to fly.

He steadied himself and put one toe over the edge of the cliff.

"Y-yes," he whispered. "I am… h-happy to be… with you as well."

Harry smiled, though it held a ghost of pain. "Brilliant. Maybe we can work on something together when you're free of Hogwarts."

The man started towards the restaurant again, waiting for Severus to follow, and Severus moved to his side.

"Yes, but…."

Damn. Harry hadn't caught the meaning behind his words. Severus would have to be more obvious. 

Well, Harry _was_ a Gryffindor.

Severus gathered his courage and squeezed his hand open and shut a few times, hoping to still his shaking. It didn't work, but perhaps Harry would forgive him a tremor. With great caution, he slipped his fingers under Harry's elbow and wrapped his hand around the man's bicep. 

Harry's breath caught. He froze and turned his head to Severus, eyes wide and brimming in hope and confusion.

"Severus?"

Severus nudged him on. "We shall be late."

Harry swallowed hard. "O-okay, but what does this mean?"

Severus stared at the cobblestones as they walked. "I am… not ready, Harry. We must first speak of my past… somehow, and I am not yet prepared to confront it, nor do I know a safe way to do so, but I wish to… get there, one day."

Harry breathed in sharply and pulled up short again. "_ Safe_?" He guided Severus off the path and whispered to him, "Severus, are you in danger?"

Severus shuddered. "I think I am never entirely safe. The world still resents my survival, but no. No one has threatened me or hurt me." Physically, at least. "I said I need a safe way to speak because… you saw my memories, Harry. I am bound to silence. I do not know if the vow still holds after Albus' death, but neither do I feel safe risking it." 

Harry blanched. "Oh, gods. Don't try, Severus. If anything happens to you, I…."

Severus rubbed his thumb over Harry's bicep. "I must. We _ must _think of a way. It will have a massive bearing on our relationship, Harry, and you need to understand." He stepped a little closer and lowered his head. The warmth of Harry's magic and his woodsy scent soothed him. "But neither will I put myself at risk. Before now, I… I would have simply told you and damn the consequences. I think you know I did not care for my own life."

Fear flooded Harry's eyes. "Please, Severus. Please don't. I need you. Even if… if we can't be… I need you to survive. I won't live without you."

Severus blanched at a surge of intuitive knowledge: Harry was being absolutely literal. A trickle of foreboding ran down his spine. 

"Harry?"

Harry winced. "I have things I need to talk to you about, too, Severus, and like your secrets, they're dangerous. One wrong word will, quite literally, kill me. Please, give me time. You aren't ready to hear it yet, and I don't know a safe way to tell you either."

Severus' heart dropped. "Oh… Harry, are _ you _in danger?"

Harry gave a dark laugh and nudged Severus into a walk again. "In this political climate? I think anyone who fought against the pureblood supremacy is, and I killed their ringleader. 'Safety' is a foreign concept to me, but I'm not in any immediate danger anyway. As for the rest, as long as you give me time and are… careful and gentle with me when I do tell you, I think it'll be okay." His eyes took on a soft, warm light. "If we keep going at this rate, it might be moot anyway."

Severus remembered Lucius and Hippa's warnings against rejecting Harry and understood. "You need me to be ready to welcome you before you speak."

"Yeah. Exactly, and I don't want to put any pressure on you, so… yeah. Let's just take it slow for now, okay? Just… maybe build a friendship first and go from there when you're ready."

"We must speak of my past before we… move forwards, somehow, Harry. You will damage me if you do not know, even if you only mean to… to show affection. I am broken, and I need…."

"You need me to understand first." 

"Yes."

Harry let out a shaky breath. "Then we'll find a way. Just promise me you won't take any risks with it. Please."

Severus lowered his head. "As I was saying earlier, I no longer wish to." 

He frowned as the clocks chimed the hour. Damn. They were late, but punctuality could go to hell at the moment. This was too important.

"Ah, bloody hell." Harry moved towards the street, but Severus gently guided him back. "Wait." He felt his face heat and dropped his head to hide it. "You gave me hope, Harry. This… it is a chance I never thought I would know, and I… I want that future. Only, be gentle and give me time. Please."

A notice-me-not glamour and muffling charm washed over them. Was that Severus' own spell? The first version? Merlin. How had Harry learned it? Severus shifted it to his altered version with a flick of his wrist. Yes, definitely his spell. Hmm.

Harry beamed up at him, and his smile left Severus in no doubt of the strength of his devotion. He couldn't help but step closer and breathe it in, the warmth and power of Harry's love for him. It left him quaking and hot all over. It stole his breath and made his heart pound, but the light and hope and sheer, soul-healing wonder rushing through him made it worth the risk. Someday soon, he would welcome it, the love in Harry's eyes.

"Severus… oh, thank the fates."

_ 'Fates?' _

Harry offered him his hand, but did not touch. Severus laid halting fingers in Harry's, grateful Harry had given him the choice.

"I'm so bloody happy to hear that, Severus. I… it's been an awful year, and I spent every moment wondering if this would be the day you… the day we both…." His tears shimmered like pearls in the fading twilight, and his fingers tightened around Severus'. "It's been so hard, knowing you were suffering and I couldn't help. That you didn't _ want _ me to help. I…." Harry took a deep breath and blinked his tears back. "I'm so relieved that's behind us now." He hesitated. "It _ is _behind us, isn't it? You won't push me away the next time something makes you angry?"

Severus winced. "Harry, I… I am damaged. I will try, but I am not always able to differentiate the past from the present."

Harry rubbed Severus' fingers. "You have PTSD."

"Yes. You are familiar with it? Ah, what am I saying? You had to be to develop Dawn Elixir."

"Yeah. I learned a lot about mental health and biology during my mastery studies. I focused in healing, so…."

"Ah, yes. That makes sense."

"It's okay, Severus. I already knew you had PTSD. I've known for years. It was part of the reason I studied psychology, so I could help you, even if I couldn't do it as myself. I understand that you might not always see me as I am when you're lost in the past. Just don't send me away when you're seeing me in the present. Not forever. Please. I… it might really hurt me. Not only my heart, either."

"Hippa and Lucius have both warned me not to reject you outright. I suppose this means they are right to be concerned?"

Harry gaped. "_Lucius _knows?" He shook his head. "Merlin. He didn't tell you…?"

"He only warned me of what I have just said. He said I should speak to you about the rest."

Harry nodded. "I'll tell you, Severus, but given your illness, the nature of your trauma, and the potential risk to myself, I think it's best to wait until you're more secure." He hesitated. "Does Luc know your past? Could he tell me what happened to you?"

Severus grimaced. "He knows, in the most basic of terms, what happened, but asking him to share it is a _ phenomenally _bad idea. He is particularly vulnerable to the type of crime they committed against my person. To share my story would hurt him, badly."

Harry sighed. "Then I won't ask. Merlin. Well, we'll work it out. Somehow. Does anyone else know?"

"Only Albus' portrait and, potentially, the worst of the Death Eaters, most of whom have already been killed in the war, executed, or sentenced to life in Azkaban. And Hippa knows the basics, as Lucius does, but it is not enough, I think, to tell you what you need to know. I was never able to entirely confide in her as a boy, and then Albus made it a permanent situation. The only other people to know were Lupin and Poppy, and they were both _ Obliviated _ twenty years ago. They cannot help us, either. Albus made sure of that."

"The other portraits?"

"Also _ Obliviated _ and bound to a loyalty charm. The latter may have worn off by now, but the former has still rendered them useless in our search for a solution."

"Ugh. The fucking _ bastard_. How I ever looked up to that tosser…." Harry took a steadying breath. "Well, that won't do. Dumbledore is, apparently, the only other person with the knowledge, and even if he did tell me—which I highly doubt would ever happen—I couldn't trust a word from his mouth." He shook his head. "Well, we'll find a way, okay? It'll be all right."

Severus squeezed Harry's hand and released his fingers. "Come. We are certainly late by now."

"Er… oops?"

Severus snorted. "It was important."

Harry smiled. "Yeah. It was."

Severus wrapped his hand around Harry's arm, and Harry cupped his other hand around Severus' fingers with a blush. 

"So, while we are on the way," Severus murmured, face burning, "tell me where you found the ingredients that provided the neuragis compound in Dawn Elixir. I have not been able to identify a single ingredient that matches the markers in my readings, and it is driving me spare."

Harry laughed softly. "Ah. That would be because it's not a standard ingredient. My housemate is a master herbologist and cultivates quite a few magical hybrids, exotic species humans don't often have access to. One of those provided the neuragis compound I used."

Severus gasped. "You have a personal garden of rare, custom-grown, hybridised, magical plants?"

Harry flushed. "Er… more like greenhouses of them. I take it you're interested?"

Severus shot him a dark look. "You tell me, Harry."

Harry chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't mind letting you have the run of them, and neither would my housemate, I think, but that would involve—I would have to have a vow from you. Not of the magical variety—you've been through enough hell with those. Your word is enough. Just… don't hurt him, okay? My housemate. And don't tell anyone he's there. A few of the DA members and Bill and Fleur know, but no one else outside of my family does. Er, that is, my síoda friends, Ron, Hermione, and Xeri."

"Xeri is your housemate then? I will, of course, protect him if you believe it necessary, but why?"

"Xeri is a nickname." Harry restored the muffling charm. "He's known to most of the world as Battlemaster Xerides Delune—he's the one who trained us to fight, too—and I asked you to keep his existence quiet because he's not human, Severus."

"_Ah_. Your night elf friend. I should have known."

Harry stared. "I know Hippa didn't tell you. How in Merlin's name did you work _ that _out?"

"I saw him, Harry. He saved me from that vile rat and he was present in the shack. I had thought myself delusional until I put together the facts later." Severus shuddered and squeezed Harry's arm. "I owe him my life and my honour. Please, tell him that I am grateful for his assistance—Merlin, I am so very thankful for his help—and let him know I will not harm him."

Harry beamed. "Really? Brilliant. He's wanted to meet you for a long time. You have so much in common, I know you'd get on beautifully."

Severus rubbed Harry's arm. "Perhaps it is best to focus my attentions here for now."

Harry gave him a soft smile. "Yeah? I… I'd like that, Severus."

Severus' face warmed. "I think… so would I."

Harry blinked hard and rubbed Severus' hand. "Y-yeah. Let's go eat then, and I'll tell you all about blue moontrumpet, which is where the neuragis came from."

Severus nodded and let Harry lead him away.

* * *

[Watercolor of Severus and Luna at the gates.](https://www.flickr.com/photos/141843489@N07/49491260988/in/dateposted/)


	47. Moonlit Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry and Severus are happier now, but Xerides is barely holding on. Severus' insight brings answers, even if no one understands them yet.
> 
> **Elvish:**  
_Va selá_: "my love," romantic elven endearment.  
_Va teloí_: "my friend."  
_Biú savá_: "be safe." Expression of concern.

#  **Chapter 47**

##  _ Moonlit Tears _

Xerides waited in the living room for Harry to return. The family had all gathered to hear his story, and they had set up games and such to keep themselves occupied in the meantime, but Xerides couldn't begin to focus on anything so frivolous. Gods, he was so worried. Harry's hand on their family clock still read "socialising" or Xerides might have charged after him long ago, night elf or no.

He hoped this meant their meeting had gone well, even as the thought hurt. Harry and Severus needed each other, even if their blossoming relationship cut Xerides out. 

Fates, what would he do now? He had established a life and a family here, but when Severus came home, would there be room for Xerides any longer? No. Even if Severus did not hate him on sight, Xerides would only get in the way if he stayed.

And if Severus ever worked out how he felt about Harry… it would not go well for any of them. 

No, when Severus came home, Xerides would have to leave. The forest would welcome him, he supposed, even if he had few friends among its trees. He simply wasn't there enough to establish lasting relationships with anyone but his cousin, and Torasi had been gone for decades. 

Maybe if Xerides wrote him and asked him to come home, he would. Diana knew he would need Torasi to keep him sane during the lonely years he watched Harry grow old with someone else, but should he? Torasi had gone away to heal his own broken heart. Was it fair for Xerides to ask him to come back? Fates, he didn't know.

He tucked his knees to his chest. It had to be this way. Harry needed Severus to survive. And Severus needed Harry to be whole.

It was only a shame that Severus' past would mean Xerides never had a home here again. 

He knew by now what had happened to the man. He was far too familiar with his symptoms not to know. Harry and the others, however… well, they had never seen it before.

Xerides shook his head slightly. It wasn't his secret to tell. Severus would have to choose how he told his mate of his past. In the meantime, Xerides had to work out how to fade out of Harry's life without breaking the sunguard's heart… or entirely destroying his own. 

Well, perhaps it would happen naturally. The idea left him sick, but it was a reality he had to face.

His time as a member of Harry's family was coming to an end. 

Gods, such a short, but beautiful moment it had been. Perhaps the memory of it would be enough to sustain him through the long ages alone.

He sighed and buried his head in his knees. A gentle touch on his hair soothed him.

"Xeri, you won't be left alone. Harry loves you."

"Perhaps, but his mate must come first, Hermione, and Severus will not want me here."

Hermione sat beside him and squeezed his hand. "You don't know that. You might get on well. You both love plants, after all. And research. And defence. You have a lot in common, actually."

Xerides gave her a sad smile and gave up arguing the point. Hermione didn't have the benefit of his experience, and if he kept insisting he knew better, he would give Severus' secrets away.

"Perhaps." But he wouldn't hold his breath.

Hermione rubbed his fingers. "Give it a chance, at least. You know Harry would be heartbroken if…."

"Yes. I know. I will not leave until it is clear that I must." Though witnessing that moment would shatter him, he owed it to Harry to stay until his welcome wore out.

In the meantime, perhaps he would be well-served to return to the forest once in a while and prepare his home for habitation once more. His plants, at least, would be well enough. He tended them once a month, and the magic of the forest sustained them between visits, but his home itself would need upkeep before he could live there again.

He glanced to the clock again and jolted. Harry's hand was on "travelling." It switched to "home" just as Xerides looked up.

"Xeri?" Harry's call from the entrance hall sounded happy and dazed. "Are you here?"

"In here, mate," Ron called. "You certainly were out a long time. How did it go?"

"Yes, tell us everything!" Hermione's grin made Harry laugh.

It was the first time Xerides had heard true laughter from him in months.

"I'll tell you what I can, 'Mione." Harry smiled and folded himself onto the sofa beside Xerides. "I… can't believe it. We're sure this isn't one really long fate dream?"

Ron smirked and twirled his wand. "Do you need me to jinx the other cheek, mate?"

Harry snorted. "No, thank you! I've already traumatised poor Xeri enough."

Xerides gave him a wan smile. "You have never traumatised me." 

Yet.

Harry squeezed his hand. "You okay?"

"I am worried. What happened?"

Harry leaned into Xerides' side. "I… I can hardly believe…." He gave Hermione a sheepish grin. "You were right."

"Er… I was?" Hermione shared a bemused look with her husband. "About?"

"It _ was _ a date. Sort of."

Hermione squealed and scooped him into a hug. "I just _ knew _ it would be okay!" She paused. "Wait, what do you mean, _ sort of_?"

"Well, he isn't ready yet. Whatever my family did to him, it left scars, and he's scared. He has to work out a way to tell me what happened since Dumblefuck bound him to silence and no one else but Lucius and Hippa know. As Lucius and Hippa only have the bare minimum of the story, and Lucius is, according to Severus, especially vulnerable to whatever they did to him anyway, they can't tell me either."

Xerides closed his eyes and silenced a groan. Fates. If a veela couldn't bear to speak of it… _damn_. He was right. 

Gods, poor Severus.

"So we have to work out that puzzle first," Harry went on, unaware of the horrible truth he had just revealed, "and Severus wants time to… ah, develop a relationship first, but he knows. He knows how I feel about him, and he knows he can't reject me without killing me."

Ron gaped. "Wait, how on earth did he work _ either _of those out?"

"Er… Hippa and Lucius, I think. Also, spy, Ron. Good luck hiding anything from him."

Ron huffed. "Hippa couldn't have said anything. Malfoy must've given the snitch away."

"Actually, I don't think that's the case at all," said Harry with a frown. "Hippa doesn't always obey orders if she thinks it will benefit Severus not to, even if it hurts her. She's entirely loyal to him. She might have given him hints. As far as I know, Lucius only slipped on my alias, and as he was in a panic attack at the time, it's easily forgiven. And, apparently, he knows I'm a sunguard, but as his warning to Severus might just keep me alive, I reckon you two might forgive him that, too."

Ron blushed. "Er… right. Old habits die hard, I guess. Sorry, mate."

"Hmm. Kill those habits, Ron. He's completely changed, and you know it."

"Er… yeah. Will do, but what else happened?"

Harry grinned. "We talked about potions a lot. Oh! I have an experiment to run with him tomorrow night with some moondew, Xeri, if you have some to spare?"

Xerides' heart dropped into his feet. "What? You are bringing him here?"

Harry squeezed his hand. "No, we're running it remotely. Severus has detentions tomorrow, but he's going to talk to me over letters while I'm running it."

Xerides breathed a sigh. "Fates, you frightened me."

"Er… actually, there's no need. Remember what I said about hiding things and Severus? He already knows about you. And he said to tell you he is incredibly grateful for your help. He was emotional about it, actually, and that's nothing short of earth-shattering for him."

Xerides reeled. "He… knows? How?"

"He saw you. After you killed the rat and in the shack."

"Oh. Fates, I thought I had hidden myself better."

Harry shook his head. "I don't think anyone can hide from him for long."

Winky grinned. "Winky is hiding you!"

Harry chuckled. "You did at that. Well done."

Dobby kissed her cheek. "Dobby's mate is outfoxing a spy!"

Winky giggled.

Harry smiled at them and turned back to his human friends with a shiver. "Gods, tonight was… it was brilliant. Almost _ too _good, you know? I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Directly on my head, as always."

"Maybe this time it won't," said Hermione with a shrug. "Maybe you've had your fair share of magical kicks to the head already."

Somehow, Xerides doubted it would be so easy. As soon as Severus worked out a way around his vows… fates, he hurt for both of them.

Well, he would be there to help them, if it _ did _go to hell. And then, he would fade into the background. Into the forest. Alone, again.

Diana help him, he wasn't sure he had the strength.

He put on a smile anyway. "Well, tell us what you spoke of then, and why you were out so late."

Harry beamed and related his tale. And Xerides smiled throughout, though everything inside him was bleeding.

_ 'I hope you are happy together, _ va selá_. Fates, how I shall miss you when my welcome ends.' _

He would endure, somehow. He always had.

* * *

After their not-quite-a-date, Severus found himself too mentally-flustered to rest, so he went for a walk around the grounds. Hogwarts' beauty had long since lost its shine in Severus' eyes, so he simply paced around the lake and tried to sort out the chaos within him.

Gods. Spending time with Harry without that wall of trauma, misconceptions, and war between them… he had never dreamed it would be so _ wonderful_. Harry had treated him with a kind of gentle trust and affection Severus had never experienced before. Lucius was the dearest friend he had ever known, and not even in his company had Severus ever felt so… so….

So _cherished_.

There was no other word for it. Harry cherished him like no one else had ever done before, and it showed in every look, every soft brush of his fingers against Severus' hand, every word from his lips. Dear Merlin, somehow, Severus had stumbled into something beautiful, and he couldn't help wondering when fate planned to yank the rug out from under him.

Beautiful things didn't happen to Severus Snape.

Only they had. He had never been so happy as Harry's company had made him, and Harry had never smiled with such radiance. Certainly not in the past few years. Severus had even had to stifle a laugh at one point during the night. A _ laugh_. Gods. 

He had forgotten how it felt to laugh.

The entire night had swirled him in a dizzying cloud of joy and warmth and hope, and Severus had no concept of what to do with such emotions. For Merlin's sake, when had his life ever given him the opportunity to experience _ joy_?

Circe help him, he had no idea how to cope.

He leaned against the big beech tree, needing a bit to catch his breath, and the wariness his darker memories of the area provoked stabilised the foreign emotions inside him. Giddy, bubbling, and altogether _ strange _ joy faded to a quiet hum of hopefulness. He could cope with that.

With a relieved sigh, Severus checked for potential threats and made his way to the castle at last. Perhaps now he might rest with the aid of a mild sleeping potion. At least he no longer felt as if he might fly apart at the seams for all the unfamiliar emotions whirling in his chest.

He opened the entrance doors without a sound, a skill learned from too many late nights on the lawn, and jumped as a voice called out to him from the shadows.

"Severus!"

Minerva. Severus groaned inwardly and steeled himself to deal with whatever catastrophe his snakes had caused while he was off campus for _ six ruddy hours_.

"Oh, Severus, I'm so glad you're safe."

_ Safe_? He stared at the woman, trying to determine her meaning, but nothing made itself readily apparent besides her clear worry and relief.

By Merlin, what had he missed?

"What on earth do you mean, Minerva? I am perfectly well."

She frowned. "Then… Harry did _ not _take you in for questioning tonight?"

Severus was sure he must look like a landed fish. "Take me in for…? Sweet Circe, Minerva! What in Merlin's name gave you _ that _ idea?"

Her cheeks turned pink. "The students have been saying that Harry arrived earlier and escorted you off the grounds. I assumed…."

Severus rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Of all the bloody nonsensical—dear gods, Minerva. Have you never yet learned not to listen to the students' vapid rumourmongering?" At her confused blush, he scoffed and turned on his heel. "It is too late for this rubbish. I am going to bed. Good_night_."

He stalked away, but Minerva followed him. "Severus, are you quite sure you're all right? What did Harry want with you if not to take you to the aurors?"

Severus shot her a dark look and walked faster. 

"Please, Severus. I'm concerned for you. Why won't you speak?"

"Because I have no _ desire _ to speak of it!"

She followed him to the dungeons, too quiet for anything good. "It is serious, isn't it? You are evading me because he humiliated you, and—"

"I am _ evading _ you because what I do with the precious few hours of personal time I receive is _ my _ business, and mine alone!"

Minerva sniffled. "Oh, Severus. Won't you tell me how bad it is?"

"Minerva. You are barking up the wrong _ forest_. Now, for the love of Merlin, leave me _ be_."

"Well, won't you put my mind at ease at least?"

Severus groaned and stalked to his quarters in silence, hoping she would take the hint, but the woman just followed him to his office, peppering him with questions and rants the entire way.

"I cannot believe the nerve of that boy! After you were declared innocent—"

"_By his testimony_!"

"Yes, exactly! So how he could turn on you now… wait. Is that…?" She charged to Severus' coffee table and picked up a letter there, one bearing Harry's handwriting on the outside. "I _ knew _ it! He _ is _ hurting you, and you are still trying to protect the boy!"

Severus snatched the letter away. Damn. Harry must have assumed he would be alone at this time of night and had neglected to charm his letters invisible to anyone but Severus. 

"Oh, for Merlin's sake! Give it a _ rest_, Minerva. He was not—"

"So noble, Severus, but I can see through it, you know. You're never this flustered unless you're embarrassed."

Well, he _ was _ embarrassed, but not for _ this_.

"Because you are barging into my personal life without cause! I—"

"Defending you is cause enough. Why, I've a mind to bend his ear over the way he is treating you!"

Severus shut the door and rubbed his temples in hopes of fending off a headache. "Minerva."

"I mean, really! After all this time, to suddenly turn on you simply because you have tried to stay out of the spotlight—"

"Minerva!"

"It's despicable, that's what it is, and I have a mind to put a stop to it right this ins—"

"_Minerva_!"

His sharp shout _ finally _ brought her tirade to a stop. "Er… yes?"

"It was not an interrogation. It was a bloody _ date_!" He turned away to hide his flaming face, but not fast enough for the old tabby.

"A _date_? As in a romantic liaison? Between you and… and… _Harry_ _Potter_?"

Severus pinched the bridge of his nose. "No. Not entirely. We are not romantically-involved. It began as a discussion between colleagues and… went much better than I had supposed it would."

"Colleagues?"

"Harry is a potions master, Minerva. Quite a brilliant one at that. His healing potions are unbelievable."

She gaped. "Harry, _ our Harry_, is a potions master now? And _ you _ think him brilliant?"

Severus glared. "Have you swallowed one of those ridiculous Parroting Pasties, Minerva?"

She sank onto the sofa with a huff of shock. "Sweet Circe. I think I need a drink."

Severus snorted and summoned his scotch, what Hippa had left of it after his post-war bout with near-alcoholism anyway. "Help yourself. Let me reply to Harry, and I will join you."

"Reply? But you do not have an owl."

"I do not need one. Harry devised a way to communicate safely during the war. We have since resumed it."

"Ah. Carry on then."

"Drink your scotch and let me see to my own affairs."

Minerva gave him an unimpressed look and summoned glasses and ice. With a huff, Severus sat in his armchair and read the letter.

> _ Severus, _
> 
> _ Gods. I feel like I'm dreaming. Thank you for a lovely evening. _
> 
> _ Maybe you'll let me choose the place next time? Friday? Or are you free any weekday? Probably not as head of Slytherin, yeah? Well, either way, I'm free every night but tomorrow and Tuesday. _
> 
> _ How do you feel about Greek food? Xeri is Greek, and he's taught me an appreciation for it, though he doesn't make it often. Usually sticks to fare more common for his _ other _ race. Anyway, let me know what you think when you can. _
> 
> _ Harry _

Severus summoned a quill. "Minerva, do you suppose you could find someone to stand in for me as a temporary head on Wednesday evening?"

"Wednesday?" She raised an eyebrow. "Going out again, are we?"

"If I am allowed out of the castle, yes."

"Hmm. That seems rather soon for a _business meeting_."

"I…." Severus stared at the desk. "We are not romantically-involved—"

"Severus, do give me _ some _credit."

"—Yet."

She blinked. "Oh. So you are…?"

Severus whipped his head up, a snarl low in his throat. "Damn it, woman, do you not understand that this is difficult for me? And speaking of it in _ Hogwarts_, of all places? His father… hurt me, and you want to discuss it _ here_, when his ghost is so close? Please. We are not dating yet, and we will not be until I am able to move beyond the stranglehold the past has upon me. Do not torment me for details I am terrified to give."

"Oh. Forgive me, Severus." 

She stood and laid her hand atop his. He resisted the urge to snatch it away. 

"I will ask Aurora to take over your duties Wednesday, starting after classes. She will be the full-time head next year anyway, so the practise will do her some good. Give me three days' notice the next time you need to escape, and I shall arrange it, no inquisition next time." She squeezed his trembling fingers. "I am proud of you, Severus. And I wish you the best of luck."

He nodded, unable to speak.

She paused at the door. "Severus, what exactly did you mean when you said his father hurt you?"

Severus glared. "Ask Albus."

Minerva's breath caught. "Ask…? Oh, sweet Circe! What has he done to you?"

Severus looked away. "I have said more than is safe already."

"Safe?"

"I cannot speak, Minerva. Please do not ask."

She sighed. "Right. Well, if you _ do _need a friendly ear, my door is open."

He clutched his glass and said nothing until her hand turned the doorknob.

"Harry stood by me."

She paused. "What?"

Severus put the alcohol aside and banished it. "He wrote me two letters of thanks and support in April of his sixth year, advised the Order not to harm me after Albus' demise, and placed his síoda as a guard for me even when he believed I had killed Albus on my own will. He sent me another letter the next April of support and kindness, the like of which I have never seen from anyone other than Lucius. And the morning of the battle, that letter and potion you received? _ I _received it first." 

He lifted his head and fixed her with a hard stare. "Harry believed in me when the whole world wanted me to burn. He saved my life and honour, he protected and healed me, and he respected me when I broke after the war and pushed everyone away, including him. Where were you, Minerva, while I risked my life every day to keep the students safe? Where were you when I fought the dark almost entirely alone?"

She gave a strangled sniffle. "You… you acted like a villain, Severus! How was I to know?"

"Yes. I was cruel. To Harry longer than any of them. And yet, Harry was the one to see through my masks. The _ only _ one other than Lucius and our síoda.

"You were _ here_, Minerva. You knew I didn't torture them and assigned them to Hagrid when I had no choice but to punish them." He shook his head and stared at his letter without taking in the words. "You might have learned the truth of me long ago, if you had ever cared enough to look for it." 

Minerva winced. "Severus, I…."

He held up a hand to forestall her and kept speaking in a low, calm tone that nonetheless carried all the weight of deep betrayal. "What is more, even if you can be forgiven for your mistrust during the war, as you are correct that I had no choice but to impersonate a monster, you have no such excuse for the eight months I have again been in your employ and slowly drowning in grief. Did you ever even realise that I had succumbed to alcoholism, Minerva? Did you care enough to notice me breaking under your nose?"

Minerva glanced to the table where their glasses had been and blanched. "I... why did you never tell me?"

"Why would I?"

She puffed up in irritation. "Severus Snape! I thought I had been a friend to you these twenty years, barring a few... mistakes, but—"

"And the twenty years before then?"

She swallowed and clenched her fist around the doorknob. "You were a student!"

"Yes. I was a student under your care, and your behaviour during those years, when the worst of my trauma occurred, was absolutely unforgivable." He met her eyes, expression unyielding. "You may not have known the extent of the Marauders' abuses—no, Albus and my own shame and fear more than saw to that—but you knew they were hurting me. You knew they were cruel. You watched them break me, for seven years, and you did _ nothing_."

The colour drained from her face, and her hand slipped from the doorknob.

He turned away. "I have made my share of mistakes, Minerva, and so I do not hold yours against you. I respect you for the friendship you offered me when I was new to teaching and out of my depth, and I will not turn you away for help should you seek me out, but do not ask me to confide in you. Do not ask me for my trust and faith when your own has been in such short supply."

She covered her mouth with her hand. "I… Severus…."

"Enough. Harry is waiting for my reply, and I can bear no more regardless. Please, leave me be."

Minerva gave a quiet sniffle and left. Severus laid his head in his hands.

A glass of ice water and a calming draught appeared on the table next to Harry's letter.

"Hippa?"

The síoda appeared at his side. "Hippa thinks Mistress Minerva is needing to hear that for a long, long time. Perhaps next time her lions is torturing a little boy, she is not being so slow to protect him."

Severus blinked hard. "You do not think I was too cold?"

"Hippa thinks you is being kinder than she deserves." She had to strike herself for the complaint against her official mistress, but Severus caught her hands and stopped her before the blow landed.

"Thank you."

Hippa, freed from self-punishment by his gratitude, smiled up at him. "Hippa is always taking care of you, Master."

Severus rubbed her hair. "I am glad."

"Hippa is, too. How was your outing with Master Harry going?"

Severus' cheeks warmed. "I… it went well. Far more so than I would have ever anticipated. Harry is—Merlin, Hippa. He is intelligent and charming, and he is being incredibly gracious with my fears." 

His ears flamed, too. "I had not intended to—I only meant to speak of potions tonight, to begin a new relationship with common ground, but… he was so kind to me, Hippa. I confess, I found myself drawn to him. I… held his hand, often. And his arm. And he knows I am willing once I am ready. I had not intended to do any of that, but I was so… so…."

Hippa beamed. "Happy, Master?"

"Yes. I think. Merlin, I hardly know _ what _I am feeling, it is all so very strange to me." He blinked hard. "But it is good."

Hippa hugged his legs. "Hippa is so happy for you, Master. Harry loves you as you is deserving all this time. Hippa is helping you move on so you is ready to welcome him soon."

Severus had to take a minute. His voice came out rough anyway. "Yes, that… that will be good."

"Yes. Is you wanting to finish your letter now, Master Severus?"

"Yes. Thank you, Hippa." 

"You is welcome, Master."

She disappeared, but Severus knew she would be nearby, watching over him. Her devotion eased something sorrowful in him. 

He picked up his quill and summoned an ink pot.

> _ 'Tonight was lovely for me as well, Harry. I am… happy. A novel occurrence, to be sure. _
> 
> _ 'You will be pleased to know that the students interpreted our exodus earlier as a summons to the Ministry. Apparently, they believe my trial was not thorough enough. Perhaps not without reason. _
> 
> _ 'Minerva was waiting at the entrance and ready to charge off into the night after vengeance. She would hear none of my rebuttals and followed me like an angry little lap dog all the way to my quarters. I had little other choice but to tell her it was a date. Or close to it. _
> 
> _ 'Greek is fine. Wednesday at six?' _

Harry's reply came back in half a moment. He must have been waiting.

> _ 'Of all the bloody ridiculous rubbish! I'm the one who defended you! Of course I'm not going to ruddy arrest you. And since when am I an auror anyway? Utter insanity. Maybe I should come visit you this week to put a lid on the rumours. Well, if that won't cause trouble. _
> 
> _ 'Xerides is laughing at me, by the way. Apparently, my outrage at being compared to an auror is amusing. Oh, he said he wants to help with our experiment tomorrow, if you don't mind?' _

Severus winced at his request. 

> _ 'Refuse the aid of a master herbologist with unique experience not seen in humans? I am not such a fool. Of course he may help. As for visiting, I… am not sure that is a good idea yet. You look too much like….' _
> 
> _ 'Like my arsehole of a father. Damn. All right, Severus. If you think it's going to hurt, I won't. _
> 
> _ 'Though, I suppose I can tell you this much. It's part of my secret, but such a little part I don't suppose it will hurt anything. My appearance is glamoured. Well, not much, but I don't look exactly like you remember. Or I could use other glamours?' _
> 
> _ 'If you come under glamours, it will defeat the purpose. At least your avowed one. There is also the fact that it will start rumours I am not prepared to cope with, Harry. Not here. Please.' _
> 
> _ 'All right. No pressure, Severus. It was only an offer. If it hurts or sets you back, we won't risk it. You can invite me there if you think it's safe enough in the future. Short of an emergency, I won't ask again.' _
> 
> _ 'Thank you, Harry. I… forgive me.' _
> 
> _ 'Nothing to forgive.' _
> 
> _ 'I am relieved that you believe so. Was Wednesday agreeable then? I do need to at least attempt to sleep soon.' _
> 
> _ 'Wednesday is brilliant, Severus. Talk to you tomorrow.' _
> 
> _ 'Yes. Tomorrow.' _

Severus finished saying goodbye and folded this letter atop the others hidden in a warded drawer. Foolish, perhaps, to keep them, but he couldn't seem to make himself throw them out. 

Merlin help him, this relationship was growing far faster and with greater ease than he had dared hope. Maybe… it would be all right after all.

With that hope in his heart, Severus went to bed, but the possibility of what might have changed in Harry's appearance and the emotional high of the evening kept him up for quite awhile.

* * *

The next evening, Harry and Xerides hovered over a pot of pale blue moondew blossoms doused with Harry's and Fawkes' tears and watched the plants slowly shift into something altogether new. After another scan of the plants' magi-chemical makeup, Harry grabbed the parchment lying between them to record a new finding. 

> _ 'Firulin levels up to 2.7%. Solumen levels at 5%. Lunalis levels still dropping, at 0.3%. You were definitely onto something, Severus.' _

Xerides slid the parchment towards himself and added a note in his elegant script. Harry felt like a child scribbling with crayons next to him. 

> _ 'Aura readings indicate an increase in solar activity. Ah… wait. Yes, there it is. The aura has completely switched to to solar magic. Well done, Severus.' _
> 
> Harry added, _ 'Gová velthìr, Severus! That would be "well done," but in Elvish. Xerides taught us a lot. Anyway, we did it!' _

Severus' reply came back fast and scrawled across the parchment in his excitement. 

> _ 'Harry, Xerides, this could open so many possibilities! Xerides, if you are willing to help us grow a supply of moondew, the things we could do with this research… oh, Merlin. My instincts_—_intuitive magic_—_they tell me it will change the world. I have rarely felt such a strong pull before. I think we need this. Will you help me?' _

"Intuition?" Xerides frowned. "Hmm." He shook his head. "Well, if anyone can trust his instincts, it is Severus." As he took the parchment and wrote his reply, his expression held that same edge of sorrow Harry had seen since the battle. He rubbed the elf's back and stroked through the ends of his long hair. Xerides paused long enough to lean into his touch briefly, then resumed writing. His expression went blank, but no amount of elven occlumency could hide his ears' reactions. Harry rubbed his shoulders instead, though he had to reach for them, and hoped it helped, somehow.

Xerides moved back so Harry could read his response. 

> _ 'I am willing to provide you with as much moondew as you wish, for as long as you wish. Does your intuition give you any hint as to what we shall need it for or how much?' _
> 
> _ 'As to the what, no, but I think we shall need quite a lot. I think… over a thousand people will have need of our altered moondew.' _
> 
> _ 'A _ thousand _ ? Fates. That will require an entire greenhouse and more than the aid of a single phoenix.' _
> 
> _ 'I think we shall need it before fall.' _
> 
> _ 'A single season? By Nimue, I had best start preparing soon then.' _
> 
> _ 'I'll help, Xeri. We'll get the síoda and Ron, 'Mione, and our DA confidants to help as they're able, too. Between us, I think we can manage it if we set aside the north greenhouse and begin planting as soon as we have all the seeds and seedlings ready.' _
> 
> _ 'We shall do that then. Thank you for the warning, Severus. I hope it serves us well.' _

Severus' reply came back in a shaky hand.

> _ 'Xerides, it is I who should be thanking you. Merlin, I… everything you have done for me is… I have no words, but I think I would not be whole, nor sane, nor living without your aid. Thank you, so very much.' _

Xerides' breath hitched. He stared at the words, eyes brimming. "Oh, fates. I…."

Harry wrapped him in a hug. "Ssh. It's all right. You're okay."

Xerides shuddered hard and leaned back. His smile looked broken. "Yes."

"Xeri… please. What's hurting you so much? Have I done something wrong?"

Xerides shook his head and turned back to Severus' letter. "This gives me hope, so perhaps it shall be well."

His ears stayed low. 

Harry sighed and rubbed one lightly, just a quick brush so as not to overwhelm his touch-sensitive ears. Xerides shivered and flicked them out of reach anyway.

Harry rubbed the back of his neck and blushed. "Oops. I'm sorry. I had hoped that light a touch wouldn't bother you. I _ can _see them though, Xeri. Is there a reason you don't want to tell me what's wrong?"

Xerides closed his eyes. "I… cannot, Harry. Not now. You have too much to focus on, and I… I am simply not able to face it."

Harry brushed tears from his friend's face. "All right, but I'm here if that changes, okay?"

Xerides nodded, smile haunted. "Yes."

Harry rubbed the elf's back as he finished his reply and wished he knew how to heal him. Merlin, just when he had started to get somewhere with Severus, Xerides fell apart. 

Well, he would be there to help when Xerides was ready for it. For the moment, he would just offer his friendship and hope he could keep his night elf companion out of despair.

In the meantime, Severus had written a reply, and Xerides passed Harry the parchment with a kiss to his temple. "Severus wishes to speak to you alone. I am going outside for a moment. Call me if the results change."

"Yes. I'll keep taking readings."

Xerides thanked him and left, and Harry spared a moment to worry for him. "_Bíu savá, va teloí_." With a sigh, he turned to the letter and skipped over the bits Severus had written with Xerides. 

> _ 'Harry, I am so… Merlin. I have never felt such elation before. I am positive I must be grinning like a fool despite my mental shields, as all the students are staring at me as if I will implode—or perhaps go on a rampage—any moment.' _

Harry couldn't suppress a grin of his own at the thought despite his worry for Xerides.

> _ 'I can imagine. Are they all trying to peek at what you're writing?' _
> 
> _ 'The foolhardy ones are. They shall serve another round with Minerva tomorrow.' _

Harry chuckled and scanned their test plants again.

> _ 'Serves them right. I'm really glad, Severus. The lunalis compound has entirely vanished, by the way. Solumen is at 25%. Firulin at 10%. And the stamen are glowing yellow. This is amazing.' _
> 
> _ 'I am glad you feel that way, too.' _ Severus paused, and Harry could almost see his nervous tension. _ 'I have never felt joy like this, Harry. I am still afraid, and I have yet to think of an answer as to how we might discuss my past, but the more we speak, the less I fear it. You are healing me, I think. Thank you for it. For your devotion. Even if I am still utterly flummoxed as to how it came about.' _
> 
> _ 'Er… well, part of it had to do with your potions book.' _ A hot flush spread across his face and ears. _ 'I found it in my sixth year and, well, the Prince had quite an effect on me. The rest will have to wait until you're ready.' _ He blinked hard and added with a shaking hand, _ 'But, Merlin, I'm so bloody happy, too.' _

They spent the rest of Severus' detention duty chatting of their experiment interspersed with little personal comments, and Harry felt he might bubble over with the joy and relief of it. Even Xerides seemed to cheer up a bit when Severus asked him to help with their moondew potions trials, and that relieved Harry enough he thought he might fly without his wings. 

Gods. He had no idea how such luck had fallen on _ him_, but then again, maybe Hermione was right and he was past his due.

Xerides gave him a genuine smile at the sight of Harry's face when Severus finally went to bed, sometime past two in the morning. "Would that your mate could see you now. Your joy has given you such beauty. I am sure he would be taken by the sight of you like this." His ears dropped, and he opened his mouth and shut it again. "You are lovely, and I am happy for you, even if it does not seem it as of late. Forgive me, Harry."

"It's okay, Xeri. I just wish I knew how to help you."

Xerides rubbed Harry's hair. "Stay near me, as long as you are able. That is all I ask."

Harry squeezed his hand. "Of course. Want to go up on the roof and talk for old times' sake?"

Xerides' smile flashed with relief. "Yes. I would like that."

"Come on then." Harry led Xerides out by his hand and apparated them onto the manor roof. It had a flat top over the síoda loft, but Harry preferred the gentle slope over the conservatory. Out there, the scent of the indoor plants Xerides cultivated and the view of the woods reminded him of their midnight refuge in Forest House and the nights he had spent chatting with Xerides into the wee hours. It had been too long. 

"Right, so tell me how that new hybrid of synalobe and flutterby bushes is doing."

Xerides chuckled and set into a rundown of his recent botanical progress, and Harry relaxed at the return of his joy. Maybe this was all he needed, just to know he was still welcome and valued in Harry's life. 

"Hey, Xeri?" Harry interjected after a mention of Xerides' family. "Do you suppose we'll ever get to meet your cousin?"

Xerides stared into the night. "I hope so. Torasi is… wounded, and he left to find healing, but I should like to introduce him to the family I have found while he was away. I think he would be happy to know I have not spent this thirty years entirely alone."

"Thirty _years_? That's one hell of a soul-searching trip."

Xerides chuckled. "It is not so uncommon when one lives for millennia."

Harry wrapped their hands together. "I'll always be with you, you know? Even when I can't be any longer. Ron was my best friend once, and he'll always be my brother, but lately you've become my closest friend. And Severus already cares a lot about you, so we'll watch over you from the other side, okay? You'll never _ really _be alone."

Xerides gave a little hitched breath, then turned and tugged Harry into his arms. "Thank you. It means much to know you want to stay near me." He hugged Harry so tight, he could hardly breathe. "Fates, how will I endure without you?"

Harry brushed tears from Xerides' temple and cheek. "You won't have to, Xeri. You can talk to the dead through your scrying, right? Call me, and I'll be there."

Xerides whimpered and buried a kiss in Harry's hair. "Y-yes. I… yes. That… may be enough to sustain me." Though Harry felt his heart breaking at the thought. 

"I have you, okay? I always will."

Xerides shuddered and nestled his face into Harry's shoulder. "Yes. As I will for you and your family. I will guard them through the ages, as I have guarded you."

"Yeah. So… try not to be so miserable, Xeri? I need you around. Severus might need some space at first, but you heard him. He wants your help in his labs, and you need to be here for that. So we aren't going to throw you away. It's okay."

Xerides tensed, then relaxed in Harry's arms with a sigh. "I… I think Severus will have the final say in that, but I do, at least, have hope now."

Harry brushed Xerides' hair out of his face. "Ssh. It's going to be okay. I promise. We'll work it out so you both can be safe and happy, yeah? This manor is big enough for all of us plus a horde or two of Weasleys. We'll be fine."

Xerides shuddered and buried a few silent tears in Harry's shoulder. "I hope so."

"Yeah. You do that, Xeri. Hold on to hope and remember that you're family now, okay? It's all right. You won't be left alone. Not even when I can't walk beside you anymore."

Xerides sighed and turned onto his back. "Thank you, Harry. It helps."

Harry squeezed his hand. "Good."


	48. Goodbye to Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a bit early in my update schedule, but I'm in a ton of pain today and needed the distraction. Not even percocet is touching it today.

#  **Chapter 48**

##  _ Goodbye to Ghosts _

Severus sat in Lucius' room that Thursday, hands shaking and heart full of conflicting emotions. Lucius passed him a Dawn Elixir without a word. Severus shook his head and passed it back.

"I am not in grief. I am… utterly dumbfounded, Lucius. You recall how hesitant I was when I left last Tuesday?"

Lucius inclined his head. "Harry has said you reached out to him."

Severus frowned. "He talked to you about me?"

"We _ are _ friends, Severus, believe it or not. I think it showed quite a lot of forethought and devotion that he came to me last Thursday and begged me for help on your upcoming outing. He was terrified of hurting you by accident."

Severus narrowed his eyes, alarmed to feel a shard of suspicion and dread creeping in. "Hm. What did you tell him?"

Lucius' expression was too knowing. "I simply told him to be himself. I also advised him not to bring up the past until you did and not to push you for commitments you aren't ready for, which he complained of being obvious. I believe his exact phrasing went something like, 'well, that's just bloody common sense! Any idiot with half a grain of decency and compassion would do that.'"

"That… was all the advice you gave?"

Lucius smiled wryly. "I know you well enough to gather that you would have known if I had coached him. What you have seen this week was not of my doing. Though I did attempt to put his fears at ease, I did not tell him how to act or what to say beyond what I have already told you."

Severus slumped in relief. "Oh. Merlin. I… I was frightened." He winced and hugged his waist. "And I feel like a first-rate arse for it now."

Lucius patted Severus' knee. "You are still recovering, Severus. Be gentle on yourself. You will have doubts occasionally for some time. Only remember that he loves you absolutely and does not intend to hurt or deceive you, and you will be fine, in time, I think."

Severus took a shaky breath. "I hope so."

Lucius smiled. "Harry visited Sunday and gushed for over an hour about how happy he is, and how terrified he is to make a mistake. He said everything went beautifully so far. He is deliriously happy. You, I am less sure of. Speak to me, Severus. How are you feeling?"

Severus gave a wry little snort and raked his hair out of his face. "Much the same. I… I think. I am also so very happy, but I am also terrified. This is happening faster than I had dreamed it would, and it is alarming and beautiful at once."

Lucius nodded. "Yes. Love is often the most beautiful, most terrifying, and sometimes the most painful experience of one's life, but it is worth it, too. Harry told me your experiment was more of a success than you bargained for. You are good together professionally, it seems, but do you believe you can also welcome him personally?"

Severus' air rushed out of him in a shuddering _ whoosh_. "I… am terrified, Lucius, because despite all my precautions and trepidation, I am positive I already do, at least in some manner."

Lucius' shoulders sagged. "Oh, thank Merlin. Harry needs you. I was afraid for him, too."

Severus nodded. "He confirmed to me Wednesday that whatever conclusions you had drawn about his nature and needs are correct, though he is shocked that you know."

Lucius gasped. "Merlin, it's true?"

"So it seems. Do not tell me, though. Harry is trying to do so himself. He has promised he will when I am ready to open my heart to him."

"Good. That is how it should be." Lucius gave him a soft smile. "I am so very happy for you, Severus. Both of you. I hardly recognise either of you this week, joy has altered you so. It suits you."

Severus ducked to hide his hot cheeks. "I have never felt like this in my life. I am so… I feel as though I am walking in a dream." He looked up, expression grim. "But one day, my nightmares will resurface, and he does not know."

"Tell him, Severus. He needs to be prepared."

"I can't."

Lucius frowned. "Severus, that boy adores you. He knows quite a bit about PTSD through his research into mental healing, too. He would not harm you or turn you away."

"Unless the truth of his family is too daunting, but no, that is not what I meant. I need your help, Luc. It is not that I do not trust him. I, quite literally, cannot speak of it without risking both of our lives. Albus bound me to an unbreakable vow of silence."

Lucius cursed. In three languages. 

"Of all the cruel, ruthless, self-centred bastards! I swear, I begin to think Riddle was the lesser evil at times."

Severus shook his head. "As far as I know, the only person Albus may have killed was his sister, and that was unintentional. Albus was most certainly a ruthless arsehole, but at least he fought to save most lives, rather than destroy all he found unworthy."

"I am not sure that statement is true. He did, in fact, try to destroy you."

Severus let his head drop. "True, but I am one person, not an entire magical ethnicity."

"As if that somehow makes it less reprehensible." Lucius clenched his fists at his sides and took several deep breaths, visibly working to calm his anger. "Very well." He folded his hands in his lap and met Severus' eyes again, his expression stoic despite the crackle of fury in his aura. "What was the exact wording of this vow and how did he force it upon you?"

Severus waited until the edge of lightning left Lucius' eyes. "As to the how, he essentially threatened to expel me. He said he could not allow anyone to remain on the grounds who would put the lives of innocents at risk."

Lucius' eyes glowed silver. "_You_? He said _ you _ put innocent lives at risk when they attacked you? Repeatedly?"

"Yes. He meant Lupin. Lupin witnessed part of their second attack and attempted to stop it, but he did not succeed. He does not remember it now. Regardless, Albus believed the corrupt Ministry would turn their ire on him to spare my pureblood and human attackers their rightful punishment."

Lucius' expression clouded over. "I am afraid, in this, he might have had a point, however cruel it was to deny you any outlet for so long."

Severus gave a bitter snort. "Perhaps, but he also had… _ personal _ reasons for keeping me silent, protecting his reputation chief among them. Lupin was only a convenient excuse."

Lucius' beak and wings flashed for an instant. "He is complicit in your suffering, then. I hope the abomination burns!"

Severus rubbed his fingers. "Breathe, Luc. I need you rational. How do I overcome it?"

Lucius sighed and took a few deep breaths. "Forgive me. It is difficult to think of it and not react." His expression set in grim determination. "The wording of the vow, Severus? Clearly, it was not quite as well-executed as the old bastard believed, as you are able to speak to me about it."

"No, but you already knew the basics of my past, Lucius, and I have never discussed the details with you, though your own weakness to the nature of my pain is also a factor in my choice against delving too deep."

Lucius frowned. "Choice? So you are allowed to speak to those who already know, then. If I told him…?"

Severus winced. "I hate to ask it of you, but there is also—I will need to tell him everything, Lucius. The way those monsters hurt me has had such a lasting effect on so many areas of my life. If Harry is to be my partner, he needs to understand why. Even if you do tell him, will what little you know be enough to override the vow's weakness that far?"

Lucius frowned. "Hm. Perhaps not. Let me think on it a moment."

Severus nodded. 

With a muttered curse against the monsters who had necessitated this conversation, Lucius stood and paced. A moment later, he sat, expression grim. 

"I think there is one way around it, but it will not be one you like."

Severus winced. "Yes?"

Lucius closed his eyes. "The exact wording of the vow? Were you forbidden to reveal the information at all to anyone who does not know, or simply not to speak of it?"

"The exact vow was: 'I will not speak to anyone who does not already know of the crimes James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, and Sirius Black perpetrated against me.'"

Lucius narrowed his eyes. "Why would the old man leave such gaping loopholes, Severus? You are not only allowed to speak to those who know, but you are allowed to speak of the vow itself. He has never struck me as such a fool."

Severus wrapped his arms around his waist and stared at the floor. "It was because he wanted to set himself up as my sole confidant. He believed, until the end, that his 'benevolent' façade and reputation would be enough to win anyone back, no matter what crimes he committed against them. He tried the same tactics with Harry, and he has tried it with me. I needn't tell you that both attempts failed miserably."

Lucius scowled. "I retract my former statement. That is incredibly foolish."

Severus shook his head. "Not foolishness, overconfidence and delusions of grandeur. Like Riddle, he was a narcissist and megalomaniac. It only manifested in different ways."

Lucius rubbed his chin, head cocked to one side. "Hm. Now that you mention it, perhaps his attempts to stop Draco could be seen in the same light."

"Perhaps. I can tell you without a doubt there was nothing altruistic about his behaviour that night. I shudder to think of how many we might have lost had I not gone against his wishes and evacuated the castle under his nose."

Lucius grimaced. "Indeed. I am grateful I was not forced to harm any children that night, more than I can say."

"It is in the past. Let us focus on the future now."

Lucius nodded. "Well, to return to the matter at hand, these observations on Dumbledore's character certainly explain the knowledge loophole, but why did he not prevent you from speaking of the vow itself?"

Severus shook his head. "For the same reasons, this time with a firmer basis in reality. He was, unfortunately, correct that his reputation and supposed benevolence blinds most people to the truth of him. He supposed that no one would believe me, and until you and Harry came into my life, no one did."

Lucius scowled. "Merlin, how I would like to expose the truth of that monster."

"I think, Lucius, that is not our battle."

"Harry. Yes, he has the clout and reputation to pull it off."

Severus nodded. "You and I would be seen as malcontents, and perhaps we would endanger ourselves by making the truth public without Harry's support."

"He _ would _ support us, I think."

A wave of dread and foreboding crawled under Severus' skin and set the hair on his arms on end. "Absolutely, but now is not the time."

"Why do you say that, Severus?"

Severus shivered. "I… I am not quite a seer, Luc, but instinctive magic is strong in me. It is how I knew to trust you, and how I knew that Harry is… good for me. It is how I knew to trust his friends—those he has made a family with, at least—and how I knew that Luna _ is _ a seer and would aid us during our rescue mission. And right now, it is telling me that to reveal Albus as the devil he was will bring a hornet's nest of trouble upon our heads that we are unprepared to cope with. The kind of trouble that leaves bodies behind."

Lucius shuddered. "Dear _ Merlin_! We shall bide our time then."

Severus leaned on his knees. "Let us not borrow trouble. You have heard the entirety of the vow. Is your potential solution still valid?"

Lucius rubbed his temples. "Gods forgive me, but the only way I can see around it is to let Harry _ see _it. Legilimency. If he takes it from your mind, you are not speaking of anything."

Severus went rigid and his stomach jolted. "You expect me to _ show _ him? They are his _ family_, Lucius! And I may as well be his partner. There _ must _ be another way."

"None that I can think of, unfortunately. Writing a letter may fall under the umbrella of speech, and you are correct that what little I know is probably not enough to spare you, if the vow is still active."

Severus groaned. "My binder was Fawkes, Albus' phoenix. After the demon's true motives became clear, Fawkes suggested he would release me upon Albus' death, but I do not know without a doubt that he has done, nor I do not know if his 'death cycles' count towards the death of the binder breaking the hold over the magic or not, and I can hardly call him up to ask. There is no telling where he is now." 

He shook his head and rubbed his arms. "I am terrified to try it regardless. Albus knew I intended to speak if I lived beyond his death. He may have done something to keep it active even with Fawkes' release. I am terrified to risk it. Harry needs me to live, Lucius."

Lucius nodded sadly. "Then I can think of no other way. Even a pensieve might violate the vow. Having Harry read you is the only possibility I see, unless you trust someone else to read you and share what they see with Harry verbally?"

Severus shuddered. "You would be the only one I trust enough for that, and it would madden you to try."

Lucius sighed. "I'm sorry, Severus. I would if I could."

"I know. Thank you for trying." Severus dropped his head into his hands. "I knew from the beginning this was the only absolutely safe way. Unless… do you suppose there is any way to dissolve unbreakable vows given in duress?"

"Possibly. I will look into it. In the meantime, simply focus on your relationship and think about your options. I _ will _tell him what I know if you wish. It may be enough for him to infer the rest on his own."

Severus nodded and rubbed his forehead. "I hate it, but unless we find a way to dissolve the vow, I think legilimency is my only option. It is not simply _ what _ they did that has broken me, Lucius, but _ how _ they did it, and you do not know those details." He paused. "Unless you do?"

Lucius shuddered. "No. I only heard vague rumours that your behaviour confirmed and surmised the rest." He sighed and leaned on his knees. "I will search for a way to remove the magic, Severus, but the reality is that I might not find a counter before you need to speak. There may not _ be _a way to counter it."

"I know." Severus lowered his head into his hands. "Gods, forgive me. I shall have to hurt him to have a future with him."

"No, Severus. _ They _bear the blame. The monsters and Dumbledore. You are innocent."

Severus wasn't entirely sure of that, but he knew better than to say so to Lucius when the veela was shaking in effort to keep his harpy in check as it was.

"Thank you, Lucius. Perhaps we shall find a way to remove the vow in time. For now, let us speak of happier things so you are able to calm yourself."

Lucius nodded gratefully. "Tell me of your date last night? Harry has not been in to see me yet."

"It was lovely. I… hardly have words. He is so good to me, Lucius. I am in awe."

Lucius smiled, his eyes bright. "My friend, it is about damn time you had some true joy in your life. Now, details, Severus. What did you speak about?"

Severus flushed and obliged.

* * *

Harry met Severus at the gates early Sunday morning for a day trip. Arm-in-arm with his mate, he asked Severus about the man's research and debated the technical points back and forth. Severus won, of course, but Harry learned from the discussion and enjoyed the friendly repartee between them.

Once they made it past the wards, Harry gathered Severus into his arms and apparated him to the shores of Calais. Severus did not move away immediately, and Harry held him close, watching the way the dawn lit his mate's ebony eyes from within. 

"You really are handsome, Severus."

Severus flushed and lowered his head. "You are the first to ever say so."

"I mean it." 

Severus trembled against him, so Harry stepped back and took his hand instead. "Come on. There's some windduster grass among the dunes here according to Xeri, and I thought we might both gather some for our stores along the way, if you want."

Severus gave him a tentative smile and pointed out the dusky purple grasses a few metres away. "I should like a little, yes."

Harry held up harvesting basket and grinned. "All yours."

Severus took the basket and led Harry to the grasses.

Once they finished collecting all they had use for without depleting the local growth, and Harry had gathered and protected a few of the strongest roots for Xerides, they spent the entire day as tourists, disguised in glamours. They walked through the wizarding market with no fear and treaded barefoot through the waves, sharing memories and hopes for the future. 

After lunch, as they sat among the dunes and watched the gulls fly nearby, Harry tugged the gift he had brought Severus from his basket.

"Severus? I… want to show you this. Well, this is for you. I already have a copy. Um, just before you reached out to me, I discovered this letter in my vault. It's from Mum, but… well, you should see it. At least the first half. The second was more for me, and it talks about the things I can't speak about just yet, but the first half had a lot to say about you."

Severus' breath caught. His fingers trembled as he took the letter, and his eyes, as they met Harry's, held deep fear and questions.

Harry rubbed his shoulder. "It's okay, Severus. She was really sorry. I just thought you might want to know."

Severus' eyes filled with shimmering tears. "Oh, gods. You… truly?"

"Read it now, if you want to. I don't think you should read it alone."

Severus leaned into his side, and Harry wrapped his arm around the man's shoulders. 

"I'm here, all right?"

Severus nodded, blinking hard, and started the letter. Before he finished the second paragraph, he was in tears. Harry smoothed his hair and held him against his side, hoping this hadn't been a grave mistake.

"Oh." Severus breathed a sigh that was half sob. "The counter. She included the counter."

"Yeah. I reckoned you needed to know since the bastards hurt you with it so much. This way you know that no one can ever use it against you again."

Severus gave Harry a look full of amazed gratitude and powerful emotion. "This is… Harry, you have no idea how much this means to me. I… gods. Thank you."

Harry brushed Severus' tears. "It was a good thing, then?"

"No one has ever given me such a gift. I… Merlin. I am completely overwhelmed."

Harry rubbed Severus' back. "Just sit here with me then and… well, tell me about it if you want. Or just let me stay with you while you make sense of it all."

Severus pressed his trembling palm to Harry's cheek. "Stay with me."

Harry couldn't help but lean into his touch. "Yeah." 

_ 'Always, love.' _

They spent the rest of the afternoon speaking of their lives, and Harry learned more of his mother than he had ever known. Angry as he was for the way she had treated her best friend and his own mate, that Severus had never stopped loving her was clear in every word of his memories. Harry wasn't sure if that made him angrier at her or made him hate her slightly less, but his feelings for Severus only grew with every moment. 

Dear gods, he was already so in love with this man, and they hadn't even started officially dating yet. Though this day felt far more like a date than any other, to be sure. 

Maybe Severus wasn't so far off from being ready. The idea left Harry giddy with hope, and made him want to tell Severus the truth about him. Not that day. Severus had enough to think about then, but soon.

Maybe it was time to visit Lucius again and run some ideas past him. Harry wanted to know how he'd worked out the truth before Severus did anyway.

* * *

That night, Severus put the letter Harry had given him in his bedside table, in a place of honour. Whether Lily had ever had the courage to write those words to himself or not, that she had said them to her son meant the world to him. With the letter stored carefully away, Severus retreated to the living room and sank onto the sofa with a shaky sigh. Hippa set a cup of hot tea and a plate of light sandwiches down for him.

"How is Master's outing going today?"

Severus wiped his eyes. "I… she apologised."

Hippa stared up at him, eyes wide with confusion. "She?"

"Lily. Harry gave me a letter he found from her recently, and she saw the truth in the end. She regretted it, how she treated me."

Hippa huffed. "And so she should be doing! But she should be saying so to you and not her son."

Severus gave her a hesitant smile. "It's enough, Hippa." He leaned against the sofa and sighed. "I did not realise how much that still affected me even now. I feel as though I can lay her ghost to rest now and focus on the future."

Hippa beamed. "That is wonderful, Master. One less ghost to haunt you. We is working on facing the others, too, yes?"

Severus nodded. "Will you come with me, Hippa? I cannot ask Harry or Luc to accompany me to face my memories, but I think I should not be alone."

"Yes, of course. Where are we going, Master Severus?"

"We shall start where this nightmare began and go from there."

Hippa nodded, put away the tea and food, and followed her master to the one-time spare charms classroom on the third floor. The death toll during the war had rendered it unnecessary, and it had since been converted to a storage room, but Severus remembered it as it had been twenty-five years ago. He shifted things around to make space for a conjured desk and stood beside it. James Potter had come through this door that night and taken him for a fool, and his poison still had a stranglehold on Severus even now. 

He stared at the door, envisioning the fifteen-year-old Potter standing there. Severus shook his head at the image his mind supplied. Harry didn't look as much like his father as rumour told. His small size alone—well, perhaps Severus had a fair idea whom he could thank for that little blip in inheritance—that set him far apart, but his facial features had a cast all their own, too. Seeing the differences in such stark relief would help him cope in the future, he hoped.

"You are dead now," Severus told the ghost. "You are dead, and in the end, both your wife and your only child came to see the demon you truly were." 

He stood tall and clenched his fists at his side. "You had no right to steal what you did from me. You had no right to break me to your will, but now… now I am free. You will never harm me again. Your son, your pride and joy, gave me the means to protect myself from you and anyone like you, and more besides."

He lifted his head high. "You shamed and broke me, but he is saving me. We shall be happy together, one day, with no thought to spare for you. That is the legacy your cruelty left to you: an estranged wife and a son who would sooner kill you even than I would, had Riddle not finished you first."

Severus closed his eyes and banished the image. "Goodbye, Potter. Return to the cold bed your cruelty made, and I shall go into my future with a lighter heart."

He wiped tears from his face and gave his síoda friend a shaky nod. "One memory banished, a thousand more to go."

Hippa squeezed his hand. "Hippa is staying with you through all of them, Master Severus."

"Thank you." He rubbed her hair and led her to the next stop in his journey of healing. 

_ 'Soon, Harry. I will put these ghosts behind me soon.' _

And then, he would finally be able to embrace his future. Merlin help him, but it was far past time.


	49. Anything for Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little Harry PoV for a bit. ❤

#  **Chapter 49**

##  _ Anything for Love _

Harry visited Lucius that Tuesday, mind awhirl with possibilities. He had made up his mind to tell Severus about the bond soon, but when he did, he wanted to give the man something special. Not something reclaimed from Harry's life, much as Lily's letter had meant to his mate, but something from Harry himself. Something that would tell Severus without a doubt that Harry loved him. He just wasn't sure _ what_.

Lucius looked up from his books as Harry stepped into his room. "Well, you look determined. I take it your day trip went well?"

Harry grinned. "It was lovely, Luc. Severus had a good time, I think, and the letter from Mum really touched him. I can tell he's almost there, and I… either way, I'm ready to talk to him."

Harry gave him a searching look. "But I need your help. First off, how the _ hell _did you work out the truth about my race?"

Lucius shook his head. "The battle. I watched Greyback burn under your touch and your friends accept that I did not as proof of my innocence. I saw your fire shields and a glimpse of your wings, and I knew." He rocked back in his chair. "But there are also my instincts to take into consideration."

"Instincts?"

"Yes." Lucius searched Harry's eyes and nodded to himself. "I think I can trust you, yes?"

Harry frowned. "Didn't you already?"

"Yes, I suppose so." Lucius crossed his arms over his chest. "The truth is, I am not human either."

Harry gaped. "You _ aren't_?"

"I am a full-blooded veela. A spontaneous birth, as neither of my parents were veela. It happens sometimes, particularly among males."

"Oh, wow. So you have the wings and harpy form and everything?" Harry frowned at him. "Wait. I'm gay. If you and Draco are veela, why did I never act like a fool around you?"

Lucius smirked. "That is debatable—"

"Prat!" Harry laughed. "I meant a lovestruck fool, and you know it. Ron practically drooled over himself every time Fleur entered a room until… ah. Until he was in a committed relationship with Hermione. That's it, isn't it? It doesn't affect me because I have a destined mate." Harry frowned. "But that still doesn't explain anyone else. How—"

Lucius snorted. "If you will let me get a word in edgewise, Harry."

"Oh. Oops. Carry on then."

"Yes, well, my allure went inactive years ago. As did your sister-in-law's, when she dedicated to Bill Weasley."

"Allure?"

"It draws potential mates and helps us sort out genuine attraction from fools drawn to our looks alone. Once a veela chooses a mate, it becomes inactive. That is called dedication. It is the fact that _ I _ have a mate, and less that you and your friends do, that has protected you."

"Oh. But what about Draco then?"

Lucius shook his head. "He has never shown the traits. It is possible they are simply inactive until he meets a potential mate, but after so long, I think it more likely he did not inherit the gene at all."

"He _ looks _like a veela though."

"That means little without the traits. My mother was quite fair. He may have simply taken after her."

"I see. That makes sense then." Harry rubbed Lucius' shoulder. "Thanks for trusting me. I know that had to be scary for you."

"Had you been human, and if your mate didn't know already, I would never have spoken. It has never been safe to reveal it."

Harry winced. "Growing up where you did, yeah. I can see that." He paused. "Wait. My mate? You _ know_?"

"Harry. Do give me _ some _ credit."

Harry flushed and raked a hand through his hair. "You… haven't told him?"

"And I will not. That is your responsibility."

"Y-yeah."

Lucius folded his hands in his lap. "So… Severus, hmm?"

Harry nodded tentatively.

"Merlin, this will be a challenge. You have just one year to work past his fears."

Harry jolted. "How the hell did you know that? I only know because Mum warned me in a letter, and she got the information from Unspeakable training."

Lucius gave him a pained smile. "Once, Malfoy library rivalled that of the Unspeakables. Now, well, we have all lost much."

"War fucking sucks."

"An accurate, if somewhat crude, summation."

Harry snorted. "Yeah. Gryffindors don't couch their sentiments behind pretty words." He winced. "At least this one doesn't."

"Indeed." Lucius' expression shifted, for an instant, into something birdlike. 

"Easy, Luc. Your inner harpy is coming out."

Lucius harrumphed. "Those fiends deserve it."

Harry scowled. "So they do." He rubbed his face. "I… I had thought they had ruined every chance for me, but now I think Severus is coming around. Maybe we can be happy together soon. And, either way… I want him to know what he means to me. I want to do something for him when I tell him about the mate bond, but I'm at a loss." He gave Lucius a pleading look. "You're his best friend. Help me?"

Lucius lifted a pale eyebrow. "You do not think the care and affection you have given him, not to mention the hope of a new future and reconciliation to his past, is not the greatest gift he has ever received?"

Harry sighed. "It's just… I didn't _ do _ anything for those, Luc. Mum wrote the letter. And he's my mate, so of course I love him, but it's not from _ me_. I guess I just… maybe it's silly, but I need to give him something on my own."

Lucius huffed. "As if your devotion is not _ from you_. Very well. Give me a moment." He gave Harry a wry look. "I hope you are both grateful for my services as a dating consultant."

Harry grinned. "Thought we called that friendship, but I suppose I _ could _ angle for an early release as repayment."

Lucius turned sober. "I think, much as I long to be home, my place is here. The mind healers are doing wonders with me, and Draco… he is still floundering, Harry. He needs someone here to show him, by example, the proper way to go about life now that our masks are off."

Harry squeezed his hand. "He's getting there, Luc. At least he understands the dark was evil now."

"And yet, he still associates with quite a few of them." Lucius shook his head. "Blaise is the only one of them I trust, and only because he has cut ties with the others as well."

"It's tough to leave that behind. Maybe Draco wants to help them."

"There is no helping the likes of Parkinson or her ilk. They are as twisted as Riddle ever was."

"Maybe, but we thought the same thing about you once. I understand why Draco can't give up hope. He watched his own family be reborn and knows it's possible."

"I… perhaps you make a good point, but I think, if seeing what the dark did to my pureblood family, to their own, if that did nothing to change their hearts, then there is nothing in them to change. They are too blinded by power and magical lineage to care about…." Lucius paused and cocked his head. "Now _ there _ is an idea."

Harry frowned. "Er…?"

"For Severus. Your gift. You are aware he is a halfblood?"

"Same as I am, I suppose. Why?"

"You know he did not care for his father."

Harry's chest surged in protective fury. "More like his father didn't give a toss about him. Your point?"

"Despite her shortcomings, he did love his mother. And he has lost nearly everything of her over the years."

Harry grimaced. "How do you expect me to fix _ that_? I can't exactly bring people back from the dead, Lucius. Not even unicorn-blessed sunguard blood is powerful enough for that, or I would have saved Tonks."

Lucius froze. "Unicorn-blessed?"

"The rite of willing blood. Happened the morning of the battle."

Lucius breathed in sharply. "Merlin, Harry. You have the strangest luck."

Harry laughed. "Not the first time I've heard that. Maybe it's a sunguard thing. You were saying about Severus' mum?"

"Ah. Right. Well, while it is true you cannot restore her life, perhaps you could restore her lineage to her son."

Harry stared. "I don't follow."

"The Prince lordship and estate has gone unclaimed since Severin's death some twenty years ago. Severus is, I believe, the only remaining descendant. The only legitimate one, at least."

Harry crossed his arms over his chest. "Eileen was disowned though."

"Eileen was, yes, but I do not think Severus ever was."

"Wouldn't he have known by now if that was the case? The goblins contacted me the moment my estate came up for grabs."

"Yes, but you bear the name of Potter and a famous history. Severus does not have either in his favour, and not even the Ministry knows everything. If Severus has never attempted to claim his estate—and if he believes himself disowned, I think it is highly likely that he has not—then neither the goblins nor the Ministry has any way of knowing he is the proper heir."

"But… wouldn't they know he was a descendant?"

"There are many descendants of purebloods, Harry, not all legitimate. If he has not attempted to prove his right of inheritance, or at least sought it, then the Ministry will have assumed he is either an illegitimate heir or not interested in his estate."

"Huh. So you think he's the proper heir?"

"I think he _ must _ be for it to have remained unclaimed so long. It is not an undesirable inheritance." Lucius' expression darkened. "But the world has not taken kindly to his survival, Harry, on either side of the fence. I think, if he has any hope of restoring his magical heritage, it must come from you."

Harry sighed and leaned against the back of the chair. "There's that whole using my fame and political clout for good thing again."

"Now you are thinking like a Slytherin."

"Right." Harry leaned onto his knees. "Okay. What do I do?"

Lucius nodded and set about explaining.

* * *

The next day, Harry endured a trip to the Ministry, which inevitably meant three hours of painful shoving to walk ten metres through the endless sea of vapid fans. He would almost take a hall full of death eaters over this. At least the death eaters didn't grope. Or grovel. Or thrust their doe-eyed daughters, most much too young, in his face.

No, a few killing curses shot at his head would _ definitely _be better than this.

Harry made virtually no progress at all until Kingsley showed up and threatened to arrest anyone who didn't give Harry space. The disappointed groan the crowd gave at this made Harry shudder.

"Kiddo, next time you need to come to the Ministry, use your glamours or ask ahead for an auror detail." Kingsley tidied Harry's mussed collar and brushed off his jumper. "Merlin. What _ did _they do to you?"

"What didn't they do would be a much shorter list," Harry grumbled. "I'm pretty sure no one tried to kill me, anyway. Though compared to this, I almost miss it."

Kingsley snorted. "It was predictable at least. Where are you headed? I'll make sure you get there and out in one piece."

Harry sighed. "Heritage office."

"Going to claim your lordship, then?"

Over his dead body. "In a manner of speaking."

"Right, well, you're in luck. It's right around the corner."

Harry slumped in relief. "Merlin. Thank you. It might take me days to get there otherwise."

"Yeah. Next time…."

"Auror detail," said Harry in a dejected tone. "Should've been a fifteen minute trip."

"Maybe it will be now." Kingsley stopped in front of a door and motioned Harry in. "It's only a few stodgy old coots in there. I think you can handle it."

Harry snorted. "You'd be surprised. The last two old coots to take an obsession with me nearly did me in." 

Kingsley laughed and opened the door. "These care more about their forms and regulations than power and greed."

"Thank Merlin for small favours. Thanks, King. Hopefully I can have this settled quickly, but if I'm not out in twenty minutes, go on about your day and I'll send you a patronus when I'm done."

"Sure thing, kiddo. Good luck."

Harry nodded and went inside. As Kingsley had said, few people even noticed him, much less swarmed him. And those few who did notice him didn't appear to be fans.

Ah. So these were of _ those _crowd. Harry inched his hand closer to his wand and made his way towards a clerk who didn't look at him like flobberworm snot. Oh, he recognized that one. Timothy Gibson, one of the older DA students.

Well, Harry would likely have better luck there than anywhere. Gibson was neither a fawning fan nor a blood purist. 

He greeted the man with a tentative smile. "I hear you're the one to go to if you're a lowly half-blood seeking to claim a lordship."

Gibson grinned. "I've got you covered. Just a moment here. Have a seat while I get my papers sorted."

Harry obeyed. Gibson filed the papers on his desk away and summoned another stack non-verbally. He took a long scroll from his desk and scanned it as the papers flew in, settling in a neat pile on his desk.

"Impressive. Every time I try that, they end up out of order."

Gibson snorted. "Do it every minute of every day for two years, and you learn how to make them stay tidy. Now, let me see. Ah, yes. I see you are the last remaining Potter heir, no other claimants. Yes. This is all in order. Just sign here, and it's all yours."

Harry blinked. "Er…."

"Yes, easy, isn't it?"

"It's not that. It's just that I was inquiring about the _ Prince _lordship and inheritance rather than Potter."

Gibson paused. "Prince?"

"Yeah."

"You're not a Prince. In any way, shape, or form."

Harry sighed. "I know. It's not for me; it's for the proper heir. I just think he believes he's been disinherited and isn't likely to try for it. Or maybe it might be left to claim and I could buy it for him. Can you help me?"

"Maybe, if you tell me who you're so sure is the proper heir. We don't know. It's been left unclaimed for twenty years with no heir apparent except for an illegitimate son of Severin Prince. Naturally, there are some issues in that claim, so if you know of a legitimate heir, you'd actually be doing us a favour."

Harry breathed a little easier. "In that case, I think we're in luck. Severus Snape is the Prince heir. He's Eileen Prince's legitimate son and Severin's grandson. I'm pretty sure Eileen was disinherited, but I don't think Severus ever was."

Gibson gave him an incredulous look. "Wait. _ Wait_. You mean the rumours are actually _ true_? You and Snape are—"

Harry flushed and hurried to shut him up. "_Ssh_! Say that in public, and the Prophet will have it pasted on the headline in five seconds flat. And no, not quite. We're… close, but not dating." He cast a _ Muffliato _and went on. "He's not the person the war made him into. Trust me. And I do care about him, so…."

Gibson stared. "He tortured them, Harry."

Harry growled under his breath. "This again? No, he risked his neck day in and day out and endured _ actual _torture, hours of it on end, more than once, to keep them as safe and whole as he could."

"He said that, but—"

"And it's the truth. I had my síoda tailing him all through the final two years of the war. We _ saw _ him suffering for them. He's a bloody hero, but all the world has ever seen of him is the masks he had to wear to do it."

Gibson squirmed. "You… you're really sure…?"

"_Yes_. We were there, Gibson. Right in the thick of it. I saw the truth of him long ago, before he ever showed me his memories." Harry fixed him with a dark look. "And if you want to know what he did for us, you might try asking Dean Thomas and Luna Lovegood why they aren't werewolf food. Now, are you going to help me or not?"

Gibson blinked. "He… really saved them? I thought it was more of Lovegood's dreaming."

"_Dean _ doesn't dream like that. And Luna is a bloody seer, not that anyone bothers to get close enough to her to find out. If Severus hadn't been there to honestly save them, she would have known."

"I…."

"Look, I realise it's tough to understand if you haven't lived it, but I _ have_, Gibson. I was right at the top of the war effort and had more information than most. Maybe you might consider that, because of my position in the war, I saw more of Severus than the general public? That there's more to the story here and Severus isn't the monster the world wants him to be? And, failing that, maybe you could try _ trusting me_ the way you did when I led you before and help me out?"

Gibson winced. "Fair point." He sighed and stared at the papers in his hands. "Just… why are you doing this? I mean, if you're not dating. And that _ is _ part of my job. I have to ask."

Harry grimaced. "Well, I do care about him…."

"Big gesture for that. There's no other reason?"

"Er… well, yes. I can't really go into details though. It's not my place, and I don't know all the details regardless. It's just, the world has been so hard for him, and my family hurt him the worst, yet he saved me over and over again anyway. And…." He flushed and dropped his gaze. "I need to do this for him. I need to give him… _ something _ to let him know he's worth it to me. At least, I have to try." He looked up, eyes pleading. "It's important to me, Tim. Will you help me? Please?"

Gibson groaned. "Those damn puppydog eyes. All right, all right, though I'm going to catch it later."

"Send me a patronus if they give you trouble. _ I'll _shut them up."

Gibson grinned. "There's a promise. All right then." He summoned a long scroll of parchment and tapped it with his wand. "Severus Snape, Prince line."

The scroll glowed white, then green, then gold. Gibson breathed in sharply. "Well, I'll be damned. He's not just the heir, he's the proper lord of the estate." He grinned. "Nice work, Potter. I'll need a magical vow that you'll deliver this to Snape alone and not attempt to claim the lordship or inheritance for yourself, and then we can get this sorted. Just sit tight." He pushed Harry's lordship scroll back towards him. "And sign your _ other _ documents, for Merlin's sake. We desperately need fresh blood in the Wizengamot. You could do a lot of good with the Potter-Peverell seats."

Harry stared at the parchment, thought of his mate, his non-human friends, and the non-pureblood people he loved, and gave in. "Do you have a quill?"


	50. A Gift and a Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you guys say we finish the last few chapters of this off today? Just don't expect the next one up immediately. This one changed so much I have to rewrite basically the entire first third of Curse of the Moon. We'll get there though. I adore the way this series has turned out so far, and definitely will be working on it over the next few weeks.
> 
> Anyway, here we go! Four more chapters (including this one), and the next one is the worst in the entire book. Strap in for a hell of a ride, folks.

#  **Chapter 50**

##  _ A Gift and a Promise _

Early spring passed in a whirl of hope and anxiety for Severus. He had visited every place from his memories but one, and he thought Harry might need to be with him for it, too. The Shrieking Shack held trauma for both of them. Perhaps they should face its ghosts together.

Besides, he wanted Harry his side when he bid the darkest of his memories goodbye. He wanted his future close when he finally banished the last of his past, and Harry _ was _ his future. He knew it in his soul, and he was finally ready to embrace it, at least in spirit. 

Harry would understand why anything more terrified him after seeing his past, Severus was sure of that, but how would they accomplish it? Could Harry even use legilimency? Well, Severus could teach him if not, but it would take time, and maybe that was for the best. The delay would give Severus time to heal.

There was only one thing he wanted to do first. 

Harry met him at the gates as usual, eyes bright and a grin on his face. He checked at the sight of Severus, no doubt surprised that he hadn't changed out of his teaching robes.

"Believe it or not, I missed seeing you in those," Harry said with a smile. "You look so graceful in them. I'm a bit jealous."

Severus greeted him with a gentle brush of his fingers through Harry's hair and down his cheek. "I… they are meant to discourage attraction."

"Too late for me."

Severus' ears and face burned. "Ah. Oh. I…."

"It's okay, Severus. I won't push you." 

"Yes, I know. I was only a bit flustered."

"Yeah. It was sweet." 

"_Sweet_?"

Harry laughed at his disgusted expression. "Yeah, yeah, I know. Slytherins are dark and broody, never sweet." He laced his fingers with Severus'. "But you stopped being 'just Slytherin' to me a long time ago. They all did, really, but you… well, you're _ more_."

"Oh…." Severus blushed and gave him a shy nod. 

Sweet. Well, perhaps being so for Harry alone would not be such a sacrifice to his dignity.

Harry tucked Severus' hair behind his ears, and Severus gasped at a rush of heat at the touch. Merlin. He had felt that down to his toes.

"Er… are you okay, Severus?"

Severus nodded and took Harry's hands. "I did not change for a reason."

"Hm?"

"I… I want you to eat here. With me. If you are amenable."

Harry's eyes widened. "A-are you sure? I mean, I think it's grand, but I don't want to set you back. We… it's not that big of a deal if we go somewhere else."

"It is important to me, Harry. I need to face it and move on. Will you help me?"

Harry's expression softened. "Yeah. Anything you need."

Severus swallowed hard and stepped closer. This would put him halfway off that precipice, but he was ready for Harry to know. "I… I need you. Will you stay?"

Harry's breath hitched and pearly tears glimmered in his eyes. He slipped tentative, gentle hands into Severus' hair and cradled his face. "Gods, yes."

Severus gave him a tentative nod. He had to step back after a moment to quiet his fears, but a promise had been made between them. Harry knew now that his heart was open. Soon, perhaps, Severus would be ready to spread his wings.

Harry squeezed Severus' hand. "Let's go eat, if you're ready."

Severus hesitated. "I… helped Hippa prepare a meal for us in my quarters so as to avoid the students. Is that acceptable?"

"You cooked for us?" Harry grinned. "Brilliant. I'm game."

Severus nodded and led Harry away under wards to shield them from prying eyes. He had thought he had kept the power low enough to prevent detection, but Harry jumped as the magic washed over them and gave Severus a bemused look.

"I… had thought it would be preferable to avoid the notice of anyone still prowling about."

Harry nodded and squeezed his hand. "Safer, too. Lead on."

"Safer?"

"Yeah. Part of my secret. I'll tell you soon."

"Ah. Very well."

Severus led Harry to his quarters, where Hippa had already set the table. With candlelight. And flowers. 

"Oh. I didn't intend…."

Harry chuckled wryly. "Hippa is trying to tell us something, yeah?"

"Yes, Hippa is," the síoda replied from somewhere out of sight.

Severus snorted. "You are _ sure _ you are a full-blooded síoda, Hippa?"

Her giggle made him smile.

"Oh." Harry gazed at him, eyes soft. "Do that more often, Severus. You're really beautiful when you smile."

Severus coughed and covered his face. "I…."

Harry chuckled lightly and guided him inside. "It's all right, Severus. I know it's hard for you still. It's just good to see you happy."

Severus let his hands drop and shook his head in wry amusement. "Anyone would think I am a teenager on a first date rather than an adult with many years of maturity behind them."

Harry grinned. "That's okay. It's true enough for me."

Severus snorted and waved Harry into his seat. "Indeed."

* * *

After dinner, Severus led Harry to the shack through the willow path. "Black told me of this."

Harry nodded sadly. "On the full moon, the arsehole."

"I already knew. Of Lupin's condition. I was so unhappy, I…."

Harry's fingers tightened around Severus' own. "Never again. Come to me if you're hurting, okay? I swear I'll help you."

Severus held on to the hope of that promise. "I… yes. I will."

"Good."

They walked the rest of the way in silence, both wrestling with their ghosts. Harry clung to Severus' hand as if he never wanted to let go, and Severus felt safer for Harry's presence at his side.

Severus stopped halfway through the tunnel and stared at the floor. This. This was the last time. 

"It is over now."

Harry looked up, confusion in his eyes. "Hm?"

"He is gone. They are dead. They will hurt me no longer." Severus rubbed his toe in the dirt. "This was the last place I suffered before… it was over."

"Careful, Severus. Your vow."

"Yes." Severus stared at the ghostly image of his broken self and his abuser. "Begone from me and haunt me no more."

He turned his back and continued through the darkness. It wouldn't be so simple, of course. Just facing his memories these past few weeks had dragged nightmares and flashbacks out of him like he hadn't experienced in years. When he told Harry—or showed him, rather—they would likely worsen. 

Perhaps for both of them.

Severus shuddered and cursed Albus mentally.

"Severus? Are you cold?"

"In these?" Severus waved at his heavy robes. "No, I am only thinking of the way around the vow and what it is likely to cost us both."

Harry gasped. "You worked it out? How?"

Severus closed his eyes and held Harry's hand tighter. "Albus forbade me to _ speak _ of it. I was not a mind mage at the time he forced me into the vow, nor did he anticipate that I would ever become one, so he left a rather gaping loophole. One that, while it will explain my past with unquestionable detail, is quite likely to scar us both."

Harry paled. "Legilimency. You need me to read you."

"Yes. Though I suppose it will have to wait until I am able to teach you."

Harry shook his head. "You can't, Severus. You can't teach me mind magic."

Severus paused, chest aching with guilt and grief. "Surely you do not believe I would be so harsh as I was before?"

Harry soothed his sudden hurt with a gentle caress to his cheek. "That has nothing to do with it. One, it's unnecessary. Xeri is a mind mage and brought me most of the way there according to the elven practices. I'm already a powerful occlumens and legilimens. I'm only lacking telepathy to be a mind mage myself, but—"

"Harry. I hear your thoughts quite often."

Harry nodded grimly. "That's why I said you can't teach me. No one else can get into my mind any longer unless I let them, not even Xeri, but you? My magic won't work against you in anything resembling offensive tactics, mind magic included. That's why I could never learn occlumency from you. My shields held up to Dumbledore, but the instant you _ looked _ at me, they melted to nothing. I won't be able to read you either, I think, unless you let me in."

Severus drew to a halt. "Your… magic will not _ work _ against me?"

"Not at all. I can't occlude from you. Which, come to think of it, makes me wonder why you don't already know why."

"Your secret. This is part of it."

"Yeah."

Severus sighed. "I have been consciously blocking your thoughts to prevent learning of it before you are ready to tell me, though… perhaps it is time. If you are ready."

Harry flushed. "Y-yeah. I'm ready when you are, but not tonight, not here."

Severus nodded and waved him on. "Yes. Then let us simply banish the last of my past, so I may face our future as a free man. Or as close to it as I am able to be."

Harry squeezed his hand. "Yeah. Let's go."

* * *

Harry spent the next week in a flurry of anxiety. It was time. He had finished fixing Severus' estate and repairing the wards. He had the lordship papers ready to go, too. And Severus was ready to move on. But the idea of _ seeing _ the hell his family had put his mate through, of _ living _it through Severus' eyes?

Gods help him. Not even the war had terrified him so much.

Still, if it was the only way to give Severus the freedom to speak to Harry about it, if this was the only way to give his mate some closure and a chance to move on with his life, then he would buck up and endure it for a day. Severus needed him. And Harry wanted to be there for him.

Even if it would hurt like hell.

While Xerides was out hunting for moondew seedlings, Harry left a note for his housemate and prepared himself for the evening to come. Severus had planned to take Harry somewhere with meaning to both of them, and Harry thought it would present the perfect opportunity to share the truth with his mate. Or so he hoped. 

Merlin, he was scared. Still, he wanted this. He had never been so happy as the last few weeks had made him, and Severus, too, smiled more. 

Yes. It was time. Merlin help him. 

Harry pulled on a polo and denims—Severus had said to dress in casual muggle clothes—and gathered his courage. Twenty to six. If he didn't hurry, he would be late.

"Wish me luck, Winky," he said to his síoda friend on the way past the kitchen. "This will be rough, but hopefully, when it's over, all our secrets will be out in the open, and we can move on together."

Winky hugged Harry's legs, and he bent down to embrace her properly. 

"Good luck, Master Harry. Winky is thinking it will be fine, though."

"I hope you're right." Harry squeezed her shoulder and stepped back. "Right. I'm off."

"We is being here when you and Master Severus come home."

Harry smiled at her reply. "Y-yeah. Thank you." He waved and disapparated, reappearing at the Hogsmeade apparition point. A few careful glamours made sure no one would recognise him—or follow him—and soon, he found himself standing at the gates. Severus stepped out of the shadows and greeted him with a nervous smile and a tentative caress to his cheek. 

"Mm." Harry turned into his touch and sighed. "I missed you, Severus."

"Yes. It has been a long week, but I am free for the Easter hols now. It gives us a few days, at least."

Harry nodded. "Are you ready for this?"

Severus ducked his head. "I… the idea of making you _ see _ it… Merlin, forgive me." 

He stepped close and rested his head against Harry's shoulder, though he had to bend to reach. Harry stroked Severus' hair with shaking hands and held his head close. 

"Ssh. It's not your fault, love. Dumbledore forced this on us both. I don't blame you at all."

"You say that now…."

"And I will after, too." Harry kissed his mate's hair. "I'm here, Severus. As long as you want me to be."

Severus sighed and lifted his face, revealing pink-rimmed eyes and a face marked with fear and pain. "I… I hope so."

Harry gently cradled his face. "I mean it."

"I know." Severus took a shaky breath and stepped back. "Come. I wish to show you my surprise before it grows too late."

Harry nodded and laced his hand through his mate's. "Lead on."

Severus led Harry in companionable, if heavy, silence to the apparition point and whirled them away. He opened his eyes in a dingy alley. 

"Come. It is just around the corner."

Severus cast a glamour over them to hide them from the muggles and guided Harry out of the alley and onto a quiet street in what looked like a low-end subdivision.

"What is this place, love?"

"Weaver's Grove. A subdivision in Cokeworth."

"Cokeworth?"

"A small town just northwest of Newcastle upon Tyne."

"Ah."

Severus stopped in front of a quaint, two-story house with grey siding and a picket fence. Blue shutters framed the windows, and beds of jonquils and hyacinth had just started to give way to tulips and daisies. 

"This is it."

Harry checked the postbox. "362 Silk Street?"

The address didn't ring a bell. Still, it was a sweet little place, though signs of poverty marked the property, too, as well as the entire street. The gutters needed replacing, and one window had duct tape over the bottom pane. Harry liked the house on sight despite its flaws, but he couldn't help but wonder why on earth Severus had wanted him to see it.

"Where are we, Severus?"

Harry went to open the gate, but Severus held him back.

"Don't. This is a private property neither of us own. A new family lives here now, and the house was white and green when I was young, but this is where your mother grew up."

Harry breathed in sharply. "Mum."

"As well as her devious sister and your grandparents, yes."

Harry stared wistfully at the house. "I… I don't know anything about my grandparents. Nothing at all, on either side."

Severus squeezed his hand. "I can only tell you a little of your Potter relatives. Naturally, we were not close, but your grandfather had a bit of fame as a potions master of his own right, though not of the calibre you have become already."

Harry gaped. "Grandpa Potter was a potions master?"

"He invented several cosmetic brews, the most famous of which is Sleek-Eazy's Hair Potion."

"Hermione uses that sometimes!"

"I suspect she chose it out of loyalty to you."

"Why didn't she tell me?"

"Perhaps she thought you mightn't be interested. Or there is also the possibility she didn't know it was your grandfather who invented it."

Harry frowned. "She's only used it maybe three times in the entire eight years I've known her. It must be the latter. I'm sure she would have been thrilled to share that titbit of family history with me had she known."

"Ask her about it later. Whether she knew or not, I am certain she meant you no harm."

Harry squeezed Severus' hand. "Yeah, you must be right. Was that all you knew of them?"

"Other than general knowledge, yes. You inherited your hair from your grandfather. I think your nose is your grandmother's, but by the time I saw them on the Hogwarts platform, they were already quite elderly. That, I believe, is part of the reason James was so ill-behaved. His birth came as somewhat of a miracle for them, and they spoiled him without a doubt, but by the same coin, when he acted out of turn, they were rather too old to deal with his behaviour properly."

"It doesn't excuse him. Loads of spoiled kids know better than to commit actual crimes."

Severus shivered, and Harry turned into his side. He soothed the man with gentle caresses of his cheek, and Severus leaned into his touch with a sigh.

"Mm. Perhaps we should move on to your Evans grandparents. I know precious little about your paternal family, and you shall see more of them than you want in a while, by all rights."

Harry shuddered. "Y-yeah. So, tell me about Mum's parents, please?"

"Yes."

Severus gazed at the house, his eyes distant and full of a nostalgic kind of sorrow. Harry cuddled into his side, and Severus wrapped his arm around Harry's shoulders.

"They were always kind to me," Severus said in a soft, sorrowful tone. "They died at the start of the first war." He let his head drop forwards. "I never knew death eaters killed them until much later, or I never would have…."

Harry traced his hand across Severus' slim stomach. "I know. You're a wonderful man, love."

"Thank you, Harry." Severus tugged him a little closer. "Let me think a moment. Ah, right. Your grandmother, Eliza, liked to knit on par with Molly Weasley and adored Italian food. Only _ authentic _ Italian food, mind you. She had strong opinions on store-bought pasta, for example, and Merlin forbid anyone should dare try to offer her sauce from a jar."

Harry chuckled softly. "Homemade _ is _always better, so I'm with Grandma Eliza on this."

"You would have been her hero."

Harry laughed. "Good to know. And Grandpa?"

"Gerald. You inherited your green eyes from him." 

Harry closed his eyes in grief. He would have liked to have kept something of his grandfather, but his race had taken that bit of Evans heritage from him. Damn.

"Harry?"

"It's nothing, love. Well, nothing major. It's just... my eyes aren't green anymore."

Severus whipped his head around. "They aren't?"

"No. You'll see later, love." Harry leaned against Severus' shoulder. "I'm okay. I was just a bit sad to lose that part of my heritage."

Severus ran his fingers through Harry's hair. "If it is any consolation, your grandfather was also rather small in stature. I think you have inherited your height from him, at least in part."

Maybe the Dursleys _hadn't _stunted Harry's growth then, or at least not entirely. Maybe he was just short like his grandfather. The idea gave him peace with his small size. He could accept it if it had come from his genes much more easily than believing his relatives had cheated him out of the height he should have always possessed.

Whether it was true or not, Harry decided to believe he took after his grandfather. It gave him back control over that feature of his life, at least in theory.

"Actually, Severus, that's brilliant. It makes me feel a lot better about being so short."

Severus tucked Harry's head under his chin. "Your height is ideal for me."

Harry smiled and nuzzled Severus' chest, breathing in his scent. "Mm. I like the way we fit together, too." He looked up with a loving smile. "Thank you. That healed more than you know."

Severus squeezed Harry's shoulders. "Are you ready to hear more?"

"Yeah. Go on, love."

Severus nodded and returned his gaze to the house. "Gerald walked with a cane from an injury received in combat during the Second World War, and he had a secret liking for both British soap operas and pecan fudge. Your grandmother indulged him in the former, but she was forever trying to hide his fudge from him. She never succeeded for long."

Harry chuckled again and rested his head against Severus' shoulder. "Merlin. I can almost imagine them bickering over it."

Severus stroked Harry's cheek. "I shall show you a memory of them sometime. I was privy to their debates over Gerald's 'stash' often enough."

Harry smiled and nuzzled Severus' shoulder. "Thank you."

"I will share with you what few memories I have of them, someday."

"Yeah? I… that would be brilliant, Severus."

Severus nudged Harry's cheek. "Hmm. Yes, but come away now. We should not linger here, but the park we played in as children is still nearby, though time has altered it much."

"All right."

With one last look at his family's former home, Harry followed Severus to a woebegone park and a set of rusted swings. A green river churned behind a strand of scraggly oaks and threadbare pines. 

"The water isn't clean," Severus murmured, voice heavy with the ghosts of his past. "It never has been, and most people avoid this place because of it. The great majority of parents take their children to the newer park a few streets down these days, so this has become somewhat of a private refuge for me. Private enough that a few glamours will keep us hidden from the public." 

He sat on one of the swings and rocked a bit. "The first time I saw your mother, she was playing on this swing and leaping off at the highest arc. Her magic kept her afloat. She challenged her sister to fly with her, but Petunia never had her magic, and she detested any mention of it." Severus' face clouded over. "I should have realised she would not do well by you, Harry."

Harry sat beside him and squeezed his hand. "It's okay. It's over now."

Severus sighed. "It isn't, Harry. That kind of damage leaves scars."

"Yeah, it does, but I never blamed you for mine. Don't feel bad."

"I did. I blamed you for the longest time, and it blinded me to the truth. Forgive me, Harry."

Harry pulled Severus' swing closer. "Hey. I forgave you ages ago. It's all right."

Severus sighed and rubbed his hand across his face. "Thank you."

"It's nothing." Harry stood and offered Severus his hand. "Let's go somewhere we can face each other to talk, though."

"Yes." Severus led Harry to a fallen log someone had carved into a bench ages before. Severus sat and turned to face Harry. "I… how should we approach this?"

Harry hesitated. "Maybe let's get the bad stuff out of the way first." He set the folder of documents beside them and charmed it against the wind. "Then we can talk of good things, like that."

Severus gave the papers a curious look. "That is…?"

"A gift for you. Later. Are you ready to show me, Severus?"

Severus shuddered. "As much as I will ever be, but…." He grasped Harry's hand. "I am so sorry. I… it should not be like this."

Harry held his face. "You have done nothing wrong. Nothing. I want to know, love. I want to know your past so I know how to help you face our future. And I want you to know mine. So… it's all right. I'm ready when you are, Severus."

Severus leaned into Harry's hands. "You… you will stay?"

"Yeah. Long as you want me to."

"Very well." Severus took Harry's hand from his face. "Be careful how you touch me when we are reliving this. I will be afraid."

A grim sort of understanding began to form in Harry's mind. Oh no. No, no, no. It couldn't be… could it?

Xerides' words from the shack that terrible night slammed into his brain. 

_ 'Be careful not to touch him without consent….' _

Harry stiffened, horror creeping under his skin. "Oh, _ gods_! Severus… is it… as bad as I think?"

Severus winced. "I cannot answer, Harry."

"Damn!" Harry swallowed a surge of terror and released his mate's hands. "O-okay. No touching without permission."

Severus nodded. "Thank you, and…." He closed his eyes and shuddered. "Forgive me."

Harry blinked hard. "Nothing to forgive."

"Yes. Then…." Tears raced down Severus' face as he opened his eyes. "I-I am ready. Sorry. Merlin, I am so sorry."

Harry lifted a hand towards Severus' face, but hesitated. "Can I?"

Severus nodded and lowered his head. Harry brushed his tears away and tucked his hair behind his ears. 

"I know you don't want to do this, love. I know. Ssh. It's all right. Let's just… try to get through it quickly, okay?"

Severus lifted his head and rubbed his eyes. "Yes. I… I will try."

"Good. Remember you have to let me in."

"R-right." Severus steeled himself and took a shaky breath. "There. My shields are down. Go. Hurry."

Harry took a deep breath to calm the panic growing inside him, focused on his mate's tearful, beautiful eyes, and dove in. 

Gods help them both.

"_Legilimens_!"


	51. No Mercy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING:** remember that warning about **graphic rape scenes** I posted at the beginning of the story? _**THIS IS THE CHAPTER!**_ If you do not want to read that, skip the memory bits. You should be able to tell enough from context what happened without the brutal details. And believe me, it's brutal. Psychological abuse incurs as well as sexual. 
> 
> **WARNING 2: suicidal character, suicide attempt mentioned.**
> 
> _Read the memory scenes at your own risk!_
> 
> Right. With that out of the way, welcome to the hardest punch-to-the-gut chapter in the entire work. Also, try not to hate Harry. He's completely freaking out. Pretty sure most people would in this situation. 
> 
> And now, on with the show!

#  **Chapter 51**

##  _ No Mercy _

Harry gasped as images from Severus' mind implanted into his own consciousness. He couldn't blink, couldn't turn away, could do nothing but see and hear everything Severus had endured all those years ago.

Every hair on his body stood on end. Oh, gods, he hoped he was strong enough to keep it together. This would be sheer hell to endure, but he had to be strong, for Severus' sake.

Merlin knew Severus would need him when this was over and done with.

> _ Fifteen-year-old Severus took refuge, again, in the shadows of the empty classroom on the 3rd floor corridor. With Lily spending every other night with those awful Marauders, Severus had no one to talk to. At least here, he could do his homework in peace. _
> 
> _ Or not. _
> 
> _ The door opened despite his locking charms, and James Potter strutted in. Only he looked… embarrassed and nervous. _
> 
> _ Severus stood and drew his wand. "What do you want, Potter? Here to gloat?" _
> 
> _ Potter rubbed the back of his neck. "No. Apologise. I… look, I'm sorry, Sni—Severus. I shouldn't taunt you all the time. It's just—it's hard to talk to you." _
> 
> _ Severus gulped. "Um… what are you saying?" _
> 
> _ "I… I like you, okay! A lot. And I just… well, I reckon I went about this all wrong, but, do you think we could, you know, start over, maybe?" _
> 
> _ Severus' cheeks burned. "You're trying to say…?" _
> 
> _ "Yeah. I fancy you." _
> 
> _ Severus smelled a trap. "Bollocks. You're just—where are Black and Pettigrew, hmm? Hiding outside, waiting to hear me humiliate myself?" _
> 
> _ "No! I meant it. See for yourself!" _
> 
> _ Severus wasn't stupid enough to turn his back, not even to check for Potter's sidekicks. "Homenum Revelio!" The spell revealed no other human presence save his own and Potter. _
> 
> _ It couldn't be real, could it? But why do this with no one to see otherwise? _
> 
> _ Severus' ears burned, too. "You… really mean that?" _
> 
> _ Potter nodded and looked away. _
> 
> _ "Oh. Well, I suppose we could start over… so long as you call off your friends." _
> 
> _ "I can do that." Potter stepped closer. _
> 
> _ Severus stepped back. "Potter," he bit out. "I've no reason to trust you yet." _
> 
> _ "Oh." Potter stopped. "I just wanted a bit of… well, I'm curious." _
> 
> _ Severus read his intent in his eyes and flushed. "I… I've never…." _
> 
> _ "Oh? Might I be your first then?" _
> 
> _ Severus argued with himself, calling himself ten kinds of fool, but in the end, he wanted to be wanted. To feel it. He might not have another chance. _
> 
> _ "Oh. A-all right then." _
> 
> _ Potter kissed him. Soft and light. It left Severus dizzy and dazed. _
> 
> _ "Oh, brilliant. I've got to go tonight, but maybe you'll meet me here tomorrow after curfew? We could really snog then." _
> 
> _ A shaking, blushing Severus nodded tentatively. _
> 
> _ "Great. See you then." _
> 
> _ Severus waited until Potter was at the door. "J-James. You… you won't hurt me, right?" Because deep down, something felt… wrong about this. _
> 
> _ James gave him a brilliant smile. "Of course not. See you then." _
> 
> _ "Yes." _
> 
> _ *_
> 
> _ The memory skipped, revealing a nervous Severus standing in the dark. "James… I don't like this." _
> 
> _ James touched Severus' hand lightly. "The lights are just off so Filch doesn't catch us. Come on. It'll be fun." _
> 
> _ Severus was shaking all over. "A-all right. Um… what now?" _
> 
> _ James kissed him. Hard. All tongue and teeth, and Severus didn't like it. _
> 
> _ "Strip for me, Sev. I want to feel that sweet body." _
> 
> _ Severus gasped. "What? No! I… I'm scared. I… this is too fast." _
> 
> _ "Oh. I guess you don't care then." _
> 
> _ "I didn't say _ — _ " _
> 
> _ "If you cared, you would do it." _
> 
> _ Tears pricked Severus' eyes, but feeling lost and afraid of being abandoned again, he obeyed. His hands shook so much he could hardly get them around his buttons. His stomach felt queasy too. _
> 
> _ "O-okay," he whispered. _
> 
> _ "Good boy. Lumos!" _
> 
> _ Severus blinked, blinded at the sudden brightness. His other senses took over in the absence of sight. Metal clinking. Liquid shifting in glasses. The smell of fire whiskey in the air. _
> 
> _ And laughter. Cruel, jeering laughter. _
> 
> _ "You didn't really think I cared, did you?" _
> 
> _ Potter. It _ was _ a trick. _
> 
> _ "Who wants first go? Oh look, he's got a nice arse. Mm. Nice and full." _
> 
> _ Severus whimpered and tried to jerk away from Potter's groping hands, but that sent him flying into someone else. Someone else who had roving hands, too. _
> 
> _ He pulled away, batting the hands off his penis. _
> 
> _ "Nice cock too," said Pettigrew. "Think I want a go on that." _
> 
> _ "You know the rules. I brought him in, you pay me for your turn." _
> 
> _ Oh, gods! Potter was selling turns with Severus' body? Fucking hell! _
> 
> _ "No!" _
> 
> _ He twisted away from Pettigrew, blinking stars from his eyes, and realized he was surrounded. At least seven older boys, all purebloods in the neutral or light camp, stood in a circle around him, drinking Firewhiskey, counting out galleons, and leering. _
> 
> _ And Potter had Severus' wand. _
> 
> _ "No…." _
> 
> _ "Lubricus." _
> 
> _ Severus squeaked at the feel of cool, slickness inside him. _
> 
> _ "Manopre." _
> 
> _ His anal spinchters relaxed despite the terror rendering all of his muscles rigid. _
> 
> _ Potter grabbed his bum and turned him around. "Maybe I'll take first go, since I did all the work." _
> 
> _ "Stop, no!" Severus kicked away. _
> 
> _ "Petrificus." _
> 
> _ His feet froze to the floor. Severus screamed and fought with all his might. If he could just summon his wand…. _
> 
> _ Potter spread Severus' legs and forced him to bend over. Severus sobbed at the feel of rough fingers breaching him. Going in and out. Trying to make him respond. They pushed against something inside, and Severus couldn't help but gasp at a sharp rush of forced sensation. It wasn't pleasurable, but his body responded nonetheless. _
> 
> _ "Ooh, look," said Bollinger, a bulky seventh year. "Little slut likes it after all." _
> 
> _ Tears and shame choked Severus. "L-let me go!" He tried to twist away, but the spell held him still. _
> 
> _ "Nah." Potter undid his zip. "Gonna get my reward for all that hard work. And you're going to get fucked. Enjoy it, my little whore. It's the best you'll ever get." _
> 
> _ Severus shrieked at the feel of a blunt, hot tip rubbing against his anus. No. Gods no. He had to… he couldn't…. _
> 
> _ With a grunt, Potter pressed forward, forcing himself inside. Thanks to his spells, it didn't hurt physically, but Severus screamed and cried anyway. No. This… it wasn't right. He didn't want this. _
> 
> _ Potter slid in and out, groaning. _
> 
> _ "Gods, you're tight. Am I your first, Sevvie? The first to feel this sweet arse all around my cock?" _
> 
> _ A burly seventh year whistled and called, "Cor blimey, look at that sweet little arse work." The other boys broke out into laughter, whistles, and raucous catcalls. _
> 
> _ Severus whimpered and focused on his wand. He could feel it, rubbing his hips with Potter's thrusts. Potter was bound to lose focus soon. Severus just had to… keep his mind on…. _
> 
> _ Potter changed his angle, and Severus whined as he hit that strange spot inside that forced him to react. _
> 
> _ "There we are. Enjoy it. This is your reward for being such a good boy." _
> 
> _ "No. Stop, please." _
> 
> _ Another thrust drew a cry from Severus and sent shocks up his spine, but as Potter's attention centred more and more on the demands of his body, his focus waned. _
> 
> _ Severus whispered, "Accio wand." _
> 
> _ It zoomed into his hand. _
> 
> _ He freed himself, summoned his robe, and cursed Potter with the foulest spell he knew. He blasted the rest of them as well as he could with his attention so scattered, summoned his clothing, and ran as fast as he could go. _

Severus pulled back, leaving Harry sobbing into his hands. 

"Oh my god. Oh my _ god_! He… he _ raped _you!"

Severus gave a shuddering whimper. "That… it gets worse, Harry. _ Much _ worse."

Harry choked back bile. "_Worse_? Oh, fucking hell! Severus… oh, sweet Merlin, I'm so sorry."

Severus took Harry's hand. "No, I am sorry. This is… you should not have to see it."

Harry fought back a surge of horror and illness and clung to his mate's hand. "I… no. You need me, Severus. I… I'll try to buck up." Even though he felt his entire world had just shattered to pieces.

"Harry, no. Your grief is—you are not to blame. Is it too much?"

Too much? Of _ course _ it was too bloody much! Oh, fuck. _ Fuck_. He wanted to run, to flee and pretend this nightmare had never happened, but at the look of terror and shame in his mate's face, Harry forced himself to endure instead.

Severus needed him, and damned if Harry would abandon him now.

"N-no. I… I'm here, Severus. Just—is there much more I need to see?"

Severus shuddered. "At least two more memories, perhaps three. I think then I will be able to speak safely."

"Dear gods." Harry steeled himself. "Would it hurt to hold your hand, love? I… I think I need the anchor to the present, but I'll manage all right without it if you can't bear it. Don't hurt yourself for me."

Severus slipped his hand into Harry's. "I am unsure how much more I can tolerate at the moment, but this touch has always soothed me when it comes from you."

With a surge of relief, Harry rubbed Severus' cold, trembling knuckles and rested their joined hands on his knee. "O-okay. Are you…." He swallowed hard. "Ready?"

"Yes. I… are you?"

"N-no. Gods, no. But I'll do it anyway, for you."

Severus nodded, sending tears down his face. "Go on then."

"Right." Harry forced himself to say the words. "_Legilimens_!"

> _ It started at the scene by the lake, where Harry had last seen the Marauder tormenting his mate. _
> 
> _ "Who wants to see me take Snivellus' pants off?" _
> 
> _ Potter and Pettigrew stripped Severus naked, and Severus wanted to die. No. Oh, gods, not again, not in front of so many people. _
> 
> _ Lupin cried out, "James! What the fuck do you think you're doing?" _
> 
> _ Potter stunned him. "Sorry, Moony. Can't have you stopping our fun." _
> 
> _ "Or the rest of them," Pettigrew pointed out. _
> 
> _ "Right. Too many witnesses." Potter and Pettigrew _ Confunded _ the handful of students gathered around, _ Obliviated _ them, and sent them packing. A ward kept anyone else from approaching or seeing their activities, and Severus knew his fate was sealed. _
> 
> _ "No!" _
> 
> _ A strange spell washed over him, and Severus' struggles stilled. He would have thought it was the body-bind curse, but no. This, whatever it was, did not alter his position or keep his muscles rigid. He simply could not move. _
> 
> _ "Like it?" Potter tugged Severus out of the air and forced him onto his knees. "I made this little curse just for you." _
> 
> _ Severus fought as hard as he could, but the spell would let him move nothing but his eyelids and mouth. Potter could manipulate him into any position he liked, and Severus could do nothing but blink and speak. _
> 
> _ "I decided I wanted you for myself that day, bend you to my will, break that stubborn pride of yours, and this time, you can't do a thing to stop me." Potter forced Severus' legs apart, and Severus screamed. _
> 
> _ "That won't do any good, I'm afraid. The whole area is silenced. Scream as much as you want." Potter's finger rubbed between Severus' buttocks. "I plan to make you scream before long anyway." _
> 
> _ "James." Black's voice came back uncertain. "Wait. What are you doing?" _
> 
> _ "What does it look like?" _
> 
> _ Potter moved around and opened his zip. His vile cock sprang free and hovered in Severus' face. Severus keened in terror and tried to pull away, but he could do nothing at all. _
> 
> _ "Just having a bit of fun." He cast another spell to lock Severus' mouth in place, forced Severus' lips apart, and pushed in. No. _ No. _ Severus didn't want this. _
> 
> _ "Oh, yeah. That's it. Take it good, Sev." _
> 
> _ Severus retched, but the spell kept him from spitting, vomiting, or anything else but letting the bastard force his way in deeper. He screamed, but Potter's cock muffled the sound, and it only made the bastard moan. _
> 
> _ "Ooh. Yeah, keep making sounds for me." _
> 
> _ Severus sobbed and stayed silent. _
> 
> _ "James," Black urged, "Merlin. This is too far. That… stop." _
> 
> _ "Why?" _
> 
> _ "Because… I…." _
> 
> _ Severus whimpered. _
> 
> _ 'Help me,' Severus pleaded mentally. 'Lils, Lupin, Regulus, someone. _ Please_!' _
> 
> _ But Lupin was stunned, Regulus wasn't here, Severus couldn't move, and Lily hadn't believed him when he told her the awful things Potter had done. Hadn't believed a Gryffindor to be capable of it. _
> 
> _ He was all alone. _
> 
> _ "James," Black said, "come on. That's twisted, mate. Stop." _
> 
> _ "Don't knock it till you try it." _
> 
> _ Black gagged. "What? What the hell… what did you do to him to make him break like this, Snape?" _
> 
> _ Severus wept bitterly. How could anyone think this was _ his _ fault? But they did. Lily had, too. _
> 
> _ Black cursed him, and Severus screamed at a sharp wave of pain across his back and bum. _
> 
> _ "There! Now everyone will know whose whore you really are!" _
> 
> _ Somehow, Severus doubted he would find any of his rapists' and torturers' names carved into his skin. _
> 
> _ Harry, viewing the memory both from an outsider's perspective and in the core of Severus' mind, saw the words clearly. 'Voldemort's Whore.' Dear gods. _
> 
> _ Pettigrew muttered, "I'm not waiting my turn this time," and a pudgy hand enclosed Severus' penis. _
> 
> _ 'No!' He screamed and tried to escape, but he was trapped. And with Potter choking him on his foul cock, he couldn't even summon his wand. Oh, gods. What would happen to him now? _
> 
> _ The scene went on. Black screaming and cursing him for breaking his friends, at least until Pettigrew stunned him, too. Potter choking him. And Pettigrew forcing him to… forcing him…. _
> 
> _ "I knew you wanted it," Pettigrew said, triumphant. "You can't deny it now. Your body is ours." _
> 
> _ Severus wailed and sobbed. He didn't want this! But then… why…? _
> 
> _ Maybe Lils was right. Maybe he had provoked them. Maybe he was a deviant. _
> 
> _ "James," Pettigrew called, leave off and shift him up a bit. Want my fun this time." _
> 
> _ Potter pulled out, to Severus' immense, but short-lived relief. He flicked his wand, and Severus' legs and arms spread. _
> 
> _ "Just lie down then." _
> 
> _ Pettigrew lay beneath Severus, face-up, and spread his own legs wide. Severus cried out in horror as Pettigrew cast those awful preparation spells… on himself. _
> 
> _ Potter banished Pettigrew's pants, pushed Severus down, and forced him inside the rat bastard. The same spell Potter had cast earlier kept Severus from biting Pettigrew's foul tongue as it forced it's way between his teeth. _
> 
> _ No. Oh, gods, no! This… this wasn't supposed to happen. He wasn't supposed to be _ able _ to participate. _
> 
> _ "I told you, you're ours," Potter said in a dark tone. "You know you like it. You wouldn't be hard otherwise." _
> 
> _ Severus sobbed bitterly. The spells landed in his own arse, opening him for Potter's intrusion, but he hardly noticed in his shame. Lils had been right. He was a deviant. _
> 
> _ He had brought it on himself. _
> 
> _ He was twisted. _
> 
> _ He was lost. _
> 
> _ They went on taking what Severus didn't want to give… but Severus couldn't stop his body's reactions. He couldn't make himself stop feeling the heat of Pettigrew's body nor the throb of Potter inside him. It hurt inside, but his body felt pleasure. _
> 
> _ And he wanted to die. _
> 
> _ Pettigrew ripped his mouth away, shrieked, and soiled Severus' tattered robe. The pressure was too much, and his own body gave over to his darkest fears. _
> 
> _ He cried out at every pulse torn from him, not in pleasure, but in horror. No. He wasn't this… monster. He didn't want this. _
> 
> _ But the evidence against him continued to flow, and Severus screamed in shame and despair. _
> 
> _ Potter screamed, too. _
> 
> _ "That was so good, Sevvie, good job." _
> 
> _ Pettigrew forced the sobbing Severus into a kiss, and Severus didn't even try to fight. He just lay there, body shuddering with the force of Potter's thrusts, and waited to die. _
> 
> _ "Take it like a good little slag, Sevvie!" _
> 
> _ Potter shouted, and just as heat soiled Severus inside, a fourth voice joined the clamour around him. _
> 
> _ "W-what? Where am I?" _
> 
> _ Lupin. Oh gods help him. Severus couldn't bear another assailant. He sobbed and tried to cry for help again, useless as it was, but Pettigrew still had his tongue down Severus' throat. _
> 
> _ "What the bloody fuck?" _
> 
> _ Pettigrew pulled back with a gasp. "He wants it, see? He's filled me up just now. So good. Want a turn?" _
> 
> _ Severus looked to the boy out of the corner of his eye, unable to turn his head, but needing to know what he would do. If Lupin raped him, too… but was it rape now, when he had proved to be just as much of a deviant as the other two? _
> 
> _ Severus forced his tears back so he would know what was coming. _
> 
> _ Lupin's eyes widened, then turned amber with sheer, unadulterated rage. Severus flinched, preparing to be cursed again. It was his fault. He had provoked them. His body's reactions proved it. _
> 
> _ He was a monster. _
> 
> _ "Oh my God!" Lupin's scream pierced Severus' eardrums. "_Immobulus_!" _
> 
> _ Severus' attackers froze. _
> 
> _ Lupin reached back and swung… at Potter? He knocked the arsehole in the gut, but the movement jarred Severus' body, too. He screamed at a surge of sharp pain deep inside. _
> 
> _ "Oh, gods, I'm sorry, Severus. So fucking sorry." Lupin guided Potter out of Severus' body, then the boy plowed Potter in the face so hard, he went flying. "You twisted, cruel, unbelievable little shites!" _
> 
> _ Lupin kicked Potter in the bollocks. "Fucking monsters!" Another hard kick to the ribs, powered with the force of Lupin's magic and rage, sent Potter crashing into a tree. "I'm betting you put him up to this, you evil little rat!" Lupin first dragged Pettigrew away, then kicked him across the lawn and threw himself upon him. Pettigrew was a bleeding lump of bruised flesh before Lupin moved away, and Potter looked no better by the time the werewolf came back to Severus. _
> 
> _ Severus gave a sharp cry of terror and flinched, expecting to be beaten, too. After all, he had _ enjoyed _ it like the twisted monster he was. _
> 
> _ But Lupin's touch on his head was gentle. "Oh, Severus! Are you_—_did they hurt you physically… er, wait. Shite, you're bleeding. Is this…? Merlin." Lupin chanted a string of counters, and soon most of Severus' physical pain faded. He could do nothing for the tattoo, whatever it was. That would take a concentrated effort to remove, and custom spells and potions, probably. At least the counters had freed his mouth from that vile locking spell. _
> 
> _ He spat and gagged onto the ground, heaving with nausea. Lupin rubbed his shoulder and held his hair back until Severus' dry-heaves stopped. _
> 
> _ "Who cursed you?" _
> 
> _ "B-Black. Because I… because he thought I c-caused it." Severus choked out, "Is he right?" _
> 
> _ Lupin snarled. "That foul, demented piece of shite!" He turned his wand on Black, cursed him until he ran out of steam, and sank to his knees beside Severus. "Gods. I am so bloody sorry, Severus." He took a shaky breath that was more than half sob. "A-are you injured still? Beyond the curses I can't fix, I mean. Are you injured… inside?" _
> 
> _ Severus whimpered. "I… d-don't know." _
> 
> _ "Merlin. Oh, gods." _
> 
> _ A weeping Lupin draped Severus' robe over his body. Severus wept, too, at the sheer relief of being shielded at all. _
> 
> _ "Finite." The spell did nothing to free Severus to move, and Lupin panicked. "Shite. What spell is this? What do I do? Wait. I know. Must be that spell they've been working on all bloody term." His expression turned grim. "Who petrified you? It can only be undone by the caster, but I might have an idea." _
> 
> _ "Potter." _
> 
> _ Lupin grabbed the arsehole's hand, stuck Potter's wand in his palm, forced his fingers to close around it, and set his face in grim concentration. A moment later, yellow light shot from Potter's wand at Severus, and thank Merlin, the spell broke. _
> 
> _ Severus unfroze and curled into a ball on the lawn, robe tucked between his legs. Lupin knelt beside him and lightly touched his head, giving his hair gentle strokes in a vain attempt at comfort. _
> 
> _ "Oh, gods, Severus, I am so fucking sorry. I never dreamed…." Lupin wept as he healed him and searched for Severus' wand. "Oh, there you are. He returned the wand and flinched back, as if waiting to be cursed. But Severus was too desolate to even care. _
> 
> _ His body had betrayed him. _
> 
> _ "Merlin, Severus. Come on. Up you go." _
> 
> _ Lupin helped him to sit and tugged Severus' robe on over his head. Severus put his arms through the sleeves on autopilot. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore. _
> 
> _ "Come on. Let's get you out of here." Lupin hauled Severus to his feet and braced him with an arm behind his back. "This okay?" _
> 
> _ What did it matter? Potter and Pettigrew had already ruined him. _
> 
> _ Severus gave a weak nod and staggered a few steps at Lupin's direction. _
> 
> _ "Hey, it's going to be all right," Lupin said, voice wobbling. "I know it hurts now, but I'll get you to Pomfrey and she'll heal the physical things. Then, we'll report this to the headmaster and he—" _
> 
> _ Report it? Severus snapped out of his daze in a wash of horror and soul-deep shame. _ Report _ it? Oh, gods. No! No one could know. Severus would die if anyone knew what a monster he truly was. _
> 
> _ He aimed his wand between Lupin's eyes and hissed "_Obliviate_!" _
> 
> _ With a desperate sob, he summoned the remainder of his clothing and dashed for the safety of the trees. _

Harry was gagging and sobbing when the memory released him this time. 

"That was only the first time they… hurt me and convinced me I had begged for it," Severus said, voice wavering. "They learned to leave Lupin and Black out of their plots after that day, but Black knew what they were doing regardless. He hated me for their obsession and tortured me for their deviance at every opportunity."

Harry wished he could hold Severus and—oh. He froze and whimpered as Severus dropped his head onto Harry's shoulder. 

"Please, Harry. Please tell me I am not the deviant they made me out to be."

Harry cautiously slid his hands into Severus' hair. "N-no. Oh, gods, no. You… they raped you. Oh, Severus." He could barely choke out the words around his tears. 

"I am so sorry."

Harry shushed him and tried to be strong though his soul was bleeding. "Severus, no. You have nothing to apologise for. Ssh. I… I'm here. You did nothing wrong."

"You… truly believe I am not at fault?" 

"Fucking hell, Severus! How could I not? They _ raped you_, love. They are the deviants and monsters, not you. Never you."

"Oh, Harry… I…." 

"I have you. I'm here."

Severus whimpered and scooted closer. "I am so ashamed."

"No. I understand why you feel that way, but it's not your f-fault. I'm s-sorry, Severus. So bloody sorry."

Severus buried his face in Harry's neck. "I know. Ssh. It is not your fault either."

Maybe, but Harry knew a link had been broken. How could he tell the man his father had raped, repeatedly, that they were mate-bonded? It was too bloody cruel, but if he _ didn't _tell him….

Fuck. What was Harry supposed to do?

Severus murmured, "D-do you wish to see the next memory? It is not nearly so… graphic, but it explains how deep the trauma goes."

Harry closed his eyes and suppressed a flinch. "If you need me to, Severus."

"I… Harry? Please. I know it is asking too much, but…."

"Ssh." Harry stroked Severus' hair with trembling hands. "I'm here. I… gods, love."

Severus flinched. "Forgive me."

"Ssh." Harry lifted his mate's chin and blinked his eyes clear. "Show me."

"I… yes, but…." Severus touched Harry's tears and frowned. "Are you well, Harry?"

"Well? No. Not at all. No one with a soul would be."

"No, I mean…." Severus brushed a pearly tear from Harry's cheek.

"Oh. I'm not sick, love. That's normal for me. Nothing to worry about."

"_Normal_? These look like…." Severus froze. "Phoenix tears?"

Harry looked away. "Let's… get through one shock at a time, Severus. Please."

Severus swallowed hard. "Very well. You _ will _ explain, yes?"

Harry gave him a broken smile. "Y-yeah." That part, at least. "Are you ready?"

Severus nodded, and Harry braced himself for further horrors.

> _ The next scene showed Potter and Severus sitting under the stars on the Hogwarts grounds. Snow covered the grass, and in the distance, low music sounded every so often, as pairs of giggling teenagers slipped out of the castle to snog in the bushes. _
> 
> _ Potter had on dress robes and had fixed his hair, but Severus looked as though he had just crawled out of bed, and not willingly either. His hair stuck up at odd angles, his face was dirty and gaunt, and his eyes… oh, gods. His eyes hurt to look at. _
> 
> _ Severus had given up. He was waiting to die. _
> 
> _ Potter wrapped his arm around Severus' shaking shoulders. "Beautiful, isn't it? You, me, the moon?" _
> 
> _ Potter leaned in to kiss him, and Severus pretended he was somewhere else. Anywhere else. Soon, it would end. It had to. He couldn't endure much more of this. _
> 
> _ Potter moved back and forced Severus to rest against his shoulder. The spell left him no choice but to comply. _
> 
> _ "I think we should form a triad once Lils gives in to me. Could be beautiful. And I have no plans of ever letting you go." _
> 
> _ Under the moonlight, while other couples laughed and spoke of their dreams, Severus wept and prayed death would find him soon. _

Harry pulled back with a retch. "Jesus fucking Christ! He—a _ triad_? You mean… he tried to keep you like—what, a pet? A toy? Oh, _ fuck_."

Severus shuddered. "I think sex slave and unwilling concubine is probably more accurate."

Harry buried his head in his hands and wept. Oh, poor Severus. Dear gods. It hurt so fucking much.

No. Everything _ was _ broken. Harry could never reveal the truth now. It was just too cruel to his traumatised mate. Even if it cost Harry his life, he couldn't do it to Severus.

He loved him too much to hurt him like that.

Severus stroked Harry's hair. "Forgive me. Please forgive me."

Harry caught his hand and rubbed tears onto his skin. No use hiding them now. Severus already knew. 

Severus gasped. "Your… being. It is _ you_."

Harry nodded and stared at his knees. "I'm sorry."

Severus sighed and brought him into his arms. "It is understandable. Many others have done the same for their own safety."

"Y-yeah."

Severus held him for a long moment. "I think I am able to speak of most of my past now, if you are able to…." He took a shuddering breath. "It is too cruel, isn't it? To ask this of you?"

Harry shook his head. "I won't deny that it's… hard to hear. It would be even if it wasn't my own family who hurt you so much, but you need me to listen, and I need to be here for you. Only, are you sure it's safe?"

"I have spoken to Lucius and Hippa of what details they know. If it was not safe, I would be dead by now."

Harry shuddered. "Please."

"I know." Severus held Harry's face. "I am here. We are safe."

Harry gave him a tearful nod. "O-okay. If you're sure it won't hurt you, then talk to me. I'm listening."

Severus closed his eyes and rubbed Harry's tears away. "You have no idea what that means to me, Harry. I was half sure when you heard…."

"I would break you like Mum did? No, love. I saw how horrible they were long before today. I won't hurt you."

Severus breathed in harshly and blinked tears down his face. "Thank you."

Harry pressed his hand over Severus'. "Go on. I'm listening."

With a nod, Severus moved back and wrapped his arms about his waist. He looked small and afraid, and Harry ached to hold him, but in this state, it might only hurt him more. He laid his hands on his own knees instead, palms up. Severus would take them if he needed to.

Severus took a shuddering breath and spoke in a low, broken tone. "They… they kept up what you have seen until Black tired of their obsession with me. He revealed the location of Lupin's transformation to me in seventh year, and I embraced the possibility of escape." He closed his eyes and shuddered. "But Potter knew. He was waiting for me. He dragged me into the tunnel, to the place you and I stopped last week, and… he attacked me again. He said I would never escape, that I was _ his_."

Harry choked back sobs. "Oh, _ Severus_."

He winced at the tears streaming unchecked down his mate's face. Oh, gods, he wished he knew how to take his pain away, but there was nothing. Nothing could erase the damage his family had done.

_ 'I'm sorry. So goddamned sorry.' _

It meant nothing, in the end. 

Severus' voice had gone beyond shattered. "I drank poison that night the moment he left. I do not even recall what type. A third year found me, half-dressed and near death, and called for Poppy. She dragged the truth out of me and told Albus."

His expression twisted in rage and grief, and he slammed his fist into the bench. "But nothing was done. He did ward them away from me, preventing them from ever cursing or touching me again, but he did nothing to seek justice."

Harry choked out, "Oh, Merlin, _ why_? How could he not? I don't understand."

The stark pain ravaging Severus' features broke Harry's heart. "Because the prosecution would have placed all the blame on the werewolf who neither remembered or participated in my assault so as not to accuse purebloods of such vile crimes. Because they were purebloods and light-sided, however evil they truly were. Because Albus would have lost status if he stood in the gap for Lupin, he let me take the fall instead. And worse, Albus _ Obliviated _Poppy and bound me to silence when we protested."

Harry's blood boiled and his skin sparked. "Dear fucking _ gods_, the bastard! He made you suffer all this time for _ status_? Over fucking _ politics_?"

Severus dropped his head and nodded.

Harry cursed again and sent a nearby stump up in flames. Severus jumped in surprise and put it out. 

"You truly are a holy being. That was holy fire."

Harry winced. "Y-yeah. Sorry. Lost control."

Severus held his hands. "I will anchor you."

Harry's soul twisted. _ 'You already do.' _

Out loud, he only stammered out his thanks and asked Severus to go on.

"I was broken then," Severus murmured, voice haunted. "I wanted them all dead, everyone who had harmed me. I became a death eater because of their crimes and the supposed light's dismissal of my pain."

Harry nodded and blinked more tears away. Severus caught them in his hands, and an expression of wonder lit his features from within. 

"They heal. I… it does not bleed so much."

Harry only wished they could heal his own pain. "Yeah."

Severus rubbed a few new tears into Harry's face, and Harry tried to smile, though nothing changed inside. 

"Does it help at all?"

"That you care enough to try does." Harry took his mate's hands. "After you joined the death eaters…?"

"You know I learned quickly that they were vile. Yet, I did not turn away until the night I reported the prophecy." Severus winced as if waiting for a blow.

"I already knew, Severus. Dumblefuck told me. Probably just to drive a bigger wedge between us, the manipulative arsehole."

Severus closed his eyes. "Do you know I was glad to do it, in a way? To kill him, I mean. I was afraid, too, but he was no better than Riddle. The world, and certainly Hogwarts, is safer without him."

"Hogwarts…." Harry stood and paced. "Severus, how could this go _ on _ so long? Crafty as those arseholes apparently were, surely _ somebody _ must have seen that you were suffering. Why did no one stop it?"

Severus cringed. "You… do not believe me?"

Harry rushed back to him and knelt at his feet. "How could I doubt you? You _ showed me_, Severus. I saw it happen, and I would have believed you regardless. You have never lied to me. Hid the truth at times yes, when you had to, but you never lied." He gave Severus a heartsick look. "I believe you, love, I just don't understand how _ everyone _ in an entire school could watch you suffer and not care at all. Sprout, Hagrid, McGonagall… I looked up to them. How could they let it go on and do _ nothing_?"

"I am unsure that they all did nothing. Hagrid, at least, I am positive made several complaints to the headmaster, but…."

Harry's eyes blazed. "But Dumbledore made sure he didn't remember them, didn't he?"

"I surmise so. Until, approximately, my seventh year of Hogwarts, Hagrid loathed Potter and his cronies for their bullying ways, even without knowing the truth. Over the course of that year, I watched his alliances slowly change amidst a sea of memory lapses and confusion. He was the only ally I had."

"And Dumbledore took him away, too. _ Gods_. It's a good job the fucker is already dead, or I'd kill the bastard all over again!"

Severus stared, eyes wide. "You… you are glowing, Harry. Your eyes."

Harry winced. "Yeah. They do that when I'm angry enough, and I'm furious over what he did to you." He blinked down more tears. "But… only Hagrid? No one else cared?"

"I… no, but there was also the fact that Potter passed off our 'relationship' as a mutual affair to what few knew of it, and I could not deny it without announcing my shame. By then, I wanted to die so much that it seemed pointless to fight. I just wanted it all to e-end." Severus buried his face in his hands, and Harry shattered at the sound of heartsick tears.

Harry choked back sobs of his own and sat beside his mate once more, aching to heal his pain. "Severus. Oh, gods. I wish I knew how to make it go away. I… fuck. I'm so bloody sorry." 

Severus pressed his head into Harry's shoulder. "You do help."

Harry let his tears flow and cradled his mate close. "I'm here, love. It's all right now. I won't let anyone else hurt you."

Severus wrapped shaking, tentative arms around Harry's waist and tugged him closer. Harry folded his arms and wings around his mate—not that Severus could feel the latter since Xerides had hidden them with his own brand of magic—and stroked his hair and back. 

"I'm here, love. You're safe now. I promise."

Severus shivered against him. "I have never been safe."

"Y-yeah. You are now, though. At least like this, when I have you in my arms." Harry sniffled and lifted Severus' chin. "You… you do know I will never hurt you like that, right? I'll never ask you for what you don't want to give."

Severus gave him a wan smile. "I know, Harry, or I would never have reached out to you. You are a man of honour." He paused. "Or, not precisely a _ man_."

"Well, I'm not a _ woman_."

Severus gave a tear-wet snort. "Thank Merlin for that."

Harry chuckled, a sound heavy with pain. Severus burrowed closer. 

"I… do not want to hurt you like this."

"You haven't. My family and Dumbledore hurt you, and they hurt me, too, by proxy. You did nothing wrong."

Severus' arms tightened around Harry, and he felt, for a moment, maybe it would be okay after all.

"Do you wish me to go on? I… will need to show you another memory, and it is potentially the worst of all."

Harry shuddered. "Dear fucking Merlin, it gets _ worse_? Jesus, Severus! What kind of hell have you lived through?"

"I… f-forgive me."

Harry stroked his hair. "Ssh. I'm not angry, love, not at you. Just… it hurts to know you've suffered so much." He pulled back, lifted Severus' face, and wiped tears from his cheeks. "S-show me, then."

Severus winced. "It is… worse than you think. Are you sure?"

Harry steeled himself. "Yeah. I… I need to be here for you."

Severus cringed and whispered an apology. Harry stroked his face, prayed for strength, and dove in one last time. 

> _ The next memory showed Severus, around 20 years old, begging on his knees for Lily's life. Riddle cursed him, and when he finished, he told Severus he needed to remind him of his place. _
> 
> _ "And, or so a little… rat says, you have already been assigned a place with me, no?" _
> 
> _ Severus hesitated. "I… what, my lord? I do not understand." _
> 
> _ Riddle traced a fingertip down his face. "You will be a good little whore, yes?" _
> 
> _ Severus breathed in sharply and choked back a cry of horror. Oh, gods. That tattoo Black had carved into him when the others raped him. Severus had managed to remove the scars, eventually, but he hadn't erased the memory of it. The other pains they heaped upon him had hurt more. _
> 
> _ Pettigrew hadn't forgotten. Of course he hadn't. Severus would never be free of their possessive cruelty. They hated him, but they wanted to keep him, too. A pet toy to break as they saw fit. _
> 
> _ Gods help him, would it never end? _
> 
> _ Riddle pressed two fingers against Severus' mouth and his wand against his temple. "Suck." _
> 
> _ Severus had no choice but to obey. He might have refused and let the bastard kill him, but if he died, there was no one left to warn Lily. No one to protect her, and Severus had never forgotten his loyalty to her, even if she had forgotten him. _
> 
> _ Through a wave of nausea and tears, he choked out, "Y-yes, my lord." _
> 
> _ Riddle's fingers tasted of death. The cock he forced Severus to service next tasted worse. _
> 
> _ "That's it. Suck your lord and make it good." _
> 
> _ Severus chanted Lily's name behind his mental walls and tried to obey. _
> 
> _ "What is this, Severus? Do you have no experience in sucking a man?" _
> 
> _ Severus could only flinch. _
> 
> _ "Use your tongue. Lick me underneath. The tip. Ah. Yes, now, stroke the slit. Lick my fluids. Suck them down." _
> 
> _ Severus wept throughout the 'lesson.' _
> 
> _ "Mm. Now, suck my bollocks." _
> 
> _ Severus gagged at the hair and taste, but he had no choice but to obey. _
> 
> _ "Ah. Oh, yes. Such a good little whore. You deserve a reward for sucking me so prettily, yes?" _
> 
> _ Severus swallowed a cry of despair. "I-if my lord so chooses." _
> 
> _ "So submissive. A good little pet." Riddle banished Severus' clothes, leaving him naked, defenseless, and on his knees in front of the entire inner circle. That horrific tattoo had yet to fade, and all of them saw it, the brand Black had given him long ago. _
> 
> _ "Yes, my little whore. I shall teach you whom you belong to now, hmm?" _
> 
> _ Severus whimpered and prayed it would end quickly. "Y-yes, my lord." _
> 
> _ "Good boy. You will remember that loyalty from now on, or you will suffer!" _
> 
> _ Riddle slammed into Severus with no preparation, brutal in his fury. Severus screamed, and the others laughed. Laughed at his pain and humiliation. _
> 
> _ Riddle didn't stop until a rush of heat made Severus' torn insides burn. _
> 
> _ At least Severus could say, absolutely, his body had not reacted with any semblance of pleasure. _
> 
> _ "Do not contradict me again, dear Severus." Riddle rubbed his spent penis, covered in blood and semen, across Severus' face. "That's a good little whore." _
> 
> _ He tucked himself in and dismissed the meeting, ordering them to find the Potters and bring them to him. Severus was left bleeding, naked, and covered in tears in the middle of the throne room floor. _

As soon as the memory ended this time, Harry vomited. He didn't know if he would choke on shame, horror, tears, or his own bile first. Oh, gods. Oh, _ gods _. He couldn't breathe, couldn't think beyond the seething miasma of grief and horror bleeding him.

_ Fuck_! His poor mate had been raped, for _ years _ , because of his own family's cruelty, and Riddle… _ fuck_. He had torn poor Severus to shreds! Harry felt he had been ripped open, violated himself, left bleeding and vulnerable and alone, just as Severus had been twenty years ago.

Harry vanished the mess, spelled his face and mouth clean, curled up on the bench, and wept bitterly. 

"H-Harry?"

Harry took Severus' hand and held it against his heart. "M'sorry. So sorry."

Severus rested his head on Harry's shoulder. "So am I. That… is the worst of it. You know the rest."

Harry shuddered. "The worst is pretty fucking bad, Severus. Gods."

"Does it ruin me? Am I—"

"Severus! Oh, bloody hell, no!" Harry opened his arms to his mate and cradled him close when Severus moved into his embrace. "Love, never. Ssh. You couldn't help it. I would never blame you for it."

Severus shuddered against him. "You do not think I am ruined?"

"I think you're the bravest, strongest, most wonderful man I've ever known. And no, it doesn't ruin you. Well, it shattered your heart, but it doesn't change how I see you."

Severus clung to Harry's hand. "Thank you," he breathed.

"Nothing to thank me for, Severus. It's just being a decent person."

Severus trembled in Harry's arms. "I have seen little enough of that."

Harry closed his eyes against a scourge of grief. "Y-yeah."

Severus rubbed Harry's tears into his cheeks. "Will you explain now?" He hesitated. "Wait. I think…."

Harry's breath hitched and panic set his nerves jangling. No, oh, gods, no. He couldn't let Severus know! 

"Severus, please. Don't!"

"Don't what?" Severus looked at Harry's tears and back to his eyes. "You are not human, you… care for me in spite of everything, and you cannot survive if I die or reject you."

Harry shook his head wildly. "Severus, _ please_!"

"You… you are my m—"

Harry jerked to his feet and cut him off. "No-no-no! Don't ask. Please. I-I _ can't_."

Severus winced, clearly hurt and confused, but it would only be worse if he said it. He would be trapped all over again, forced to bond or watch Harry die.

Harry refused to rape his will, too.

Severus lifted a shaking hand towards him. "But… Harry, I… please."

Harry waved him back desperately. "I can't do it. You… I can't…." _ 'Trap you.' _"I'm sorry!"

With a broken sob, he turned on the spot and disapparated.


	52. Hopeless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry goes ballistic. Xeri rallies the troops. Ron and Hermione stick their feet in their mouths. Severus comes to the rescue (as always).

#  **Chapter 52**

##  _ Hopeless _

Severus stared at the spot Harry had gone from, heart shattered and spirit broken. Gone. Just like his mother, he had abandoned Severus just when he needed him most.

His mate. He _ had _ to be. It was the only explanation that made sense, and yet, he didn't want to be any longer.

Shaking and sick, Severus sat upon the bench and stared into his lap. It took no time at all for his black trousers and pale hands to blur into a sea of dark grief. 

"Harry…."

He should have known. He had been a fool to trust, and now…. 

Now he had nothing. 

Severus covered his face in his hands and wept.

* * *

Harry apparated home and paced the study, sick with horror and grief. Oh, gods. His poor Severus had been raped, over and over, and Harry's own family stood at the root of his pain. 

And worse, Severus _ knew_. He knew he was Harry's mate. 

No. Harry couldn't let him sacrifice himself like that. He deserved better, someone without his abuser's face and name, even if it meant Harry's death.

He gave a shuddering sob. "Maybe… maybe I should just go raid the Chamber of Secrets and grab a fang or two. Do him a favour and leave him free to choose someone… someone else."

He choked on tears. "Oh, gods. Severus, I'm so bloody sorry." But he couldn't fix it. Nothing could.

"Merlin, what am I to do?"

He wept bitterly for a moment, then rage took over his pain. He summoned his mother's letter and snarled at her words.

"Fucking _ bitch_. He was your best friend. You were all he had in the entire world, and you just… _ how_? How could you do it?" He ripped the letter to shreds and threw it on the floor.

"It's all _ their _fucking fault. They did this to us! And now… now there's nothing left for me to do but…."

Harry stood, grabbed his wand and a dagger for protection, and disapparated again. He landed in front of a war memorial that shifted into the image of a mother, son, and infant.

"_Bastard_!" His scream made everyone within range freeze and stare, gobsmacked. He was past caring.

What did it matter now?

Harry immolated the entire memorial in holy fire, ignoring the bystanders' shrieks of horror, and watched it burn. 

"I'm coming for a visit, _ Dad_. Hope you're ready for me." 

With a feral growl, he stalked away from the flames and gawkers and headed for the church just visible in the distance.

* * *

Xerides packed a moondew seedling away in his gathering basket under protective charms. It would be fine there as long as he planted it within two days. He chose five others from the patch he had found, but left the rest so as not to deplete the population. 

"There we are, Fawkes. Another set done. I think we shall find another patch near the river we saw earlier, if you are ready to move on."

Fawkes trilled and swished his tail feathers, but before Xerides could grab them, a sharp pop of apparition and a high-pitched cry stopped him in his tracks. 

"Master Xeri! Master, you must come!"

"Winky?" Xerides dropped to one knee and held her shoulder. "Whatever is the matter? Is Dobby hurt?"

Winky shook her head, sending tears flying everywhere. "N-no. Master Harry, he… he is… something is being very wrong!"

Xerides' heart stuttered. "Fates! Take me to him."

"Winky cannot, Master! Winky is trying to save him herself, but Master Harry's fire is all around, and Winky cannot get through it."

"His _ fire_? By Diana." Xerides took Winky's hand. "Take us home then and tell me what happened."

Winky popped them into the kitchen, where she had left dinner half-finished and burning, and Xerides winced. A síoda letting a meal burn? Dear gods, this was bad indeed.

Winky wailed at the sight of the mess. "Oh no. Winky is forgetting the food and—"

Xerides patted her shoulder. "Just vanish it, Winky. Harry is far more important. What has happened?"

The spoiled food disappeared, and the dishes landed in the sink. Winky's lip trembled. "Master Harry is going to tell Master Severus about his mate bond. He is leaving with the documents a while ago, but then he is coming back crying. He is tearing up his mother's letter and calling her…." Winky grimaced. "A bitch, and he is saying he should get a basilisk fang from the school so Master Severus is free."

Xerides blanched, all the strength gone out of him. "A _ fang_?"

"Yes, and then he is taking a dagger and… and he is _ gone_! He is going to Godric's Hollow and setting his family monument on fire, and now he is going somewhere else. Winky thinks he is going to burn _ it_, too, and Winky is terrified he will be hurt or… or…."

"Or kill himself." Xerides held on to the nearest chair for support. "Oh, Harry, _ no_. Please." He buried his head in his hands and prayed with all he was worth. "Fates help him. I can do nothing to save him now." He whispered a desperate prayer, "Lady of the night, if you ever loved them, if you ever loved me, spare his life. I am content to love him from afar, if only you will let me watch over them awhile longer."

Winky gasped. "Master Xerides, you love Master Harry?"

Xerides rubbed her hair. "We are kin. I am never your master, but your family only. And yes, but I know my place. I shan't come between them, but fates help me, I cannot bear to lose the only man who has ever moved me so soon!" Tears streaked his face, and Xerides buried his head in his hands. 

"I know it is doomed. Severus is human. At best, I can only hope to love Harry another century or so. And I shall have to endure the pain of watching him grow old and frail while I do not, but even that fate, even knowing I can never be a part of his bond… even that is better than watching him suffer and die before he is out of his teenage years. Gods, will he truly be taken from us so soon?"

Winky whimpered into his knees. "I is not wanting to lose him either. Winky is loving master Harry, too. Not like I is loving my mate, but he is more than a master to me. He is being my family, and I is not wanting to lose him either."

Xerides took a shaky breath and wiped his face. "Then, we cannot stand by and do nothing. We must… we…." 

Fates help him, he couldn't think with everything in him screaming. He struggled to bring his panic under control until his occlumency kicked in. With his mind clear, solutions came easier.

"We must call in all the help we can get. Winky, please ask your mate to guard Harry as best as he can and try to still his hand should he attempt to poison himself."

"Right away, Mas… friend Xerides."

He rubbed her shoulder in approval. "Kreacher?" 

The síoda appeared, ears drooping and face wet.

Xerides rubbed the old síoda's shoulder. "You saw?"

"Kreacher is not seeing it. Kreacher is coming to make sure Master Severus is well when Winky is going after Master Harry, and… and he is not. He is suffering. He is crying in his office and drinking too much."

Xerides closed his eyes and clenched his fist. A protective surge of affection for Severus, nearly as strong as his devotion to Harry, took him by surprise, but perhaps it shouldn't. Severus had shown Xerides incredible kindness and trust, and that kindness meant Xerides would not, with any luck, be cast aside entirely when Severus came home. Besides, in trying to help Harry understand and win his mate during the war, he had learned much of the man's honour, bravery, and heart. Severus was a good man who had suffered a terrible fate, and Xerides wanted to shield him as much as he wanted to protect Harry.

He would. He would be happy to guard them both and never say a word of his deeper feelings, if only he could save them, somehow.

"Return to your guard duty, Kreacher, and thank you for being so faithful to him. Perhaps, one day, it may help bring him home."

Kreacher bowed tearfully and apparated away. 

Xerides summoned a star messenger, a projection of light and love somewhat like a patronus, but unique to his nocturnal kin. The starlight painted a picture within its beams: a faint suggestion a phoenix guarding a frightened doe from a treetop, its wings broken and bleeding and tears dripping onto the doe's trembling neck. A panther lay in the tall grass behind the doe's feet, watching over them from the shadows with his ears flat against his head.

The image twisted something within him. If only they could save their doe from the hunters who broke her fragile heart, perhaps the future might be happier for all of them. 

Xerides had no idea what to do, but damned if he would give up without trying.

"Go to Ron and Hermione. Bring them here. Hurry."

The star messenger shot off, and Xerides prayed this would work.

* * *

Within ten minutes, Xerides had begun to wonder if calling in his friends, much as he loved them, had been wise. 

"I can't believe that git just _ dumped _him after all this time!"

Xerides' ears dropped at Ron's furious comment. "Wait, Ron. Severus is just as hurt as Harry, and you know he is not cruel."

"Do I?" Ron huffed. "That man has thrown him away at the first sign of trouble at every turn, and I'm tired of seeing Harry break for him!"

"Wait a moment. Please. Severus is distraught, too. He—"

"And so he should be!" Hermione shook her head. "No, I'm with Ron this time, Xeri. This is one time too many."

"Both of you, please. Calm down a moment and listen. I know you are terrified for Harry, but—"

"Exactly, mate." Ron stood and grabbed his cloak. "We don't have time to think about it. Harry could be on the edge this moment."

Xerides grabbed his shoulders. "Stop. If you attack Harry's mate, if you alienate Severus when it is clear he is suffering, too, you will only hurt Harry more. You may cross a line he is unable to forgive."

Hermione hesitated. "He hurt Harry!"

"You do not know that, Hermione. Neither of you have any idea what happened. You are both acting on pure emotion with no reason involved, and that will only hurt Harry in the end, and break Severus all over again. Sit _ down _ and think this through before you hurt them both."

"We don't have _ time _ to sit, Xeri! Harry is suicidal!" Hermione sighed and rubbed her forehead. "Fine. We won't hurt Severus, but we have to at least _ try _to get some answers. Severus is the only person who can reach Harry now."

"Hermione, it is not our place to—"

Hermione jerked to her feet and slammed her hands on the table. "I don't bloody _ care _ whose place it is! That's my brother out there on the verge of killing himself and lighting cemeteries ablaze! We can't just sit here and twiddle our thumbs while he burns down all of Godric's Hollow!"

"But—"

Ron shook his head. "Sorry, Xeri. I know you're trying to help, but we have to do something now, before Harry ends up hurt or in Azkaban, and Severus is our only option." He took Hermione's hand. "Come on, love."

Hermione nodded, and Ron disapparated them away.

"Damn!" Xerides groaned in exasperation. "Ages across, but humans are a volatile species."

He laid his head in his hands and waited for his family to return, wishing he had the strength in daylight and the safety in public to bring them home himself.

"Fates, watch over them. Please."

It wasn't enough, but it was all he could do.

A scratch on the table, marked black with ink from Harry's notes to Severus, caught his eye. 

Hmm. Perhaps he was not left entirely helpless after all. He used the power of the wind to draw a piece of Harry's charmed parchment and a self-inking quill to him. 

"Fates, guide my words."

With that, he focused his attention on the parchment and began to write.

* * *

Severus stared at the documents on his desk and tried to work out where everything had gone wrong. A teardrop splashed onto the ink, and he siphoned it away before it ruined the print. 

His estate and lordship. Somehow, Harry had restored his magical lineage. All Severus had left to do was sign the inheritance papers and claim his ring from Gringotts, and he would be the official Lord Prince. He would even have the option of changing his surname, if he wished, to better represent the family line. 

He had to admit, it was a tempting prospect.

How? How in Merlin's name had Harry managed to restore his heritage, and without Severus' knowledge or participation at that? Why had he done it at all?

Especially if he had no intention of being Severus' mate.

Severus was no fool. That Harry had cut Severus off and vanished before they could discuss his race or their mate-bond meant only one thing: Harry was no longer interested. 

It hurt. It hurt, so very much, that after almost forty years, he had finally found someone who loved him, and the truth of his past had broken it. 

He was dirty. Used. Shameful. Part of him didn't even blame Harry for wanting someone better. 

The other part of him could barely breathe for the pain of losing him. The betrayal. Gods, he had trusted Harry, and now… it was gone. Over. 

And Severus had no idea where that left him now.

Why? Why had Harry done it? Why hold him and carry him through his grief if the truth of him repulsed him so much?

Perhaps he hadn't been repulsed until the final memory. Severus wouldn't blame him for it—but no. That couldn't be true either. Harry had held him and reassured him after that memory, too. 

What, then, had turned him away?

Severus buried his head in his hands and struggled not to cry. Oh, gods. 

"Why? Why did you leave me?"

A blob of cream popped into existence atop the white papers on his desk, and Severus blinked his eyes clear. A letter?

"H-Harry?"

No, the script before him was far too elegant for Harry's messy scrawl.

"Xerides? Merlin, what does he want?" Severus looked up. "Is a Potter síoda here?" There was no answer. Perhaps they had gone to take care of Xerides. Severus sighed and turned his attention to the letter.

> _ Severus, _
> 
> _ I do not know what has happened between you and Harry, but I am terrified for you both. Harry is broken, quite as broken as you are. I know he has hurt you, and I am so very sorry for your pain, but whatever happened today, please know he did not intend to shatter you. _
> 
> _ Forgive my intrusion. It is not my place, I know, but I am afraid. Ron and Hermione are on their way to interrogate you, I fear, despite all my efforts to dissuade them, and Harry is utterly desolate. _
> 
> _ Severus, he does not wish to leave you. He cannot. I think it far more likely something has made him feel unworthy or, perhaps, that loving you will hurt you somehow. Trust me when I say that abandoning you would have dire consequences for him. Perhaps, it already has. _
> 
> _ Please, do not forget that he loves you. I know he does. _
> 
> _ Forgive my interference. I only wish to help you, however I can. _
> 
> _ You may reply, if you wish. _
> 
> _ Xerides _

Severus blinked his eyes clear and summoned a quill. 

> _ 'He left me, Xerides. He supported me through the story of my past, and I thought… but when I questioned him about my status as his mate, or tried to, he left. He abandoned me when I was broken. How can you still say he loves me, when he clearly has no desire to be with me?' _

Xerides' reply came back in a shaky hand. 

> _ 'He adores you, Severus. Enough to sacrifice himself if he fears his love will bring you pain. And that, my friend, is precisely what leaving you will cost him.' _

Severus froze, heart thundering and hands shaking. 

> _ 'What? What do you mean?' _
> 
> _ 'I think, Severus, that is something you must ask him. Only do not give up hope. Please.' _
> 
> _ 'But if he will not speak to me…?' _
> 
> _ 'Perhaps if you write him? If you tell him what you feel and how hurt you are, I think he will come to see reason.' _
> 
> _ 'Yes. Perhaps you are right.' _
> 
> _ 'Tell him, Severus. I am sure it will be all right.' _
> 
> _ 'I hope so. Thank you.' _
> 
> _ 'Not at all. I hope it helps.' _

Severus bid Xerides to wait and began another letter, this one to his would-be partner. His pain and fears bled from him, filling the text with all his vulnerable spots and needs, and he hesitated to send it. Gods, if Harry turned him away after _ this_….

He would never recover.

Hippa appeared and took the letter before he could crumple it. "I think Master Harry is understanding best if you is being honest, Master Severus. He is needing to see your pain, even if it is difficult being so open."

Severus hesitated another instant. "I… yes. You… you are right. Take it. Please, before I lose my resolve."

Hippa bowed and vanished. She appeared a moment later, sans note and ears drooping. 

"Hippa?"

"Hippa could not be delivering it to Master Harry. He is in his fire shields, and everything is burning. Hippa cannot get through. I is leaving it on his kitchen table with Master Xerides. He is warding it away from the others."

"Fire shields? Burning?" Severus' heart pounded and his breath hitched. "Hippa, is Harry safe?"

Hippa's ears dropped lower. "Hippa is not knowing, Master, but Hippa is thinking… no."

"Dear gods. What is _ happening_, Hip—?"

A harsh knock at the door made Severus jolt. "And that will be the cavalry. Hide yourself, Hippa, please."

She obeyed, and Severus went to the door. As expected, the Granger-Weasleys stood on the other side, the woman's fist poised to knock again and anger blazing in their eyes. Severus stepped back and waved them inside.

The young couple shared a bemused look.

Severus huffed. "Are you coming in or not?"

"Erm…." Ron scurried in, his wife on his heels. "We weren't expecting…."

Severus shut the door and glared. "What, a civil welcome?"

"No, not exactly," said Hermione. "But… wait. Are you drunk?"

"Not nearly enough for this conversation. Let us cut to the chase, shall we? You have raided my office at this late hour out of a belief that I have broken Harry's heart. As he is _ clearly _ still living, you might have surmised on your own that it is I who have been aban…." His words broke off in a hitching sob, and he whirled around, unwilling to let them see his pain. 

"Merlin." Ron's voice came out full of contrition and concern. "Sir, you're right. We weren't thinking, I reckon. Too scared for Harry."

"I… yes. Ron is right. I'm sorry." Hermione's gentle hand touched his shoulder. "Sir, are you—?"

She meant to comfort him, but with Severus' trauma hovering so close, the touch sent a jolt of panic and horror through him. He gasped and jerked away so hard, he nearly fell. He scrambled to the back wall and held himself in a defensive posture, both hands up in a warning gesture.

"Don't. Do not touch me. I can't…."

"Well, I like that," Ron huffed. "She was just trying to help. Merlin."

Hermione shushed him. "Wait. I don't think…." She gave Severus a searching look. "It's not _ us_, is it? You have a phobia."

Ron whirled to gape at his wife. "A phobia of _ touch_? But Harry…."

"I think Harry may be a special case." She gave him a sorrowful look. "It's true, isn't it?"

Severus shuddered and pressed against the wall. "I… it does not matter. What do you want from me? I have already told you, I did not turn him away."

"Well, we _ might _ be a bit concerned for you as well." Ron rubbed his forehead. "Look. You know he's going to burn in a year if we can't work this out, and he's already halfway there, so we're just trying to—"

"Wait." Severus stopped him in an unsteady voice, horror crashing through him. "What do you mean, he will _ burn_?"

Ron winced. "Er… didn't he tell you?"

"I have heard nothing of burning."

"But Winky said he came to tell you about… er…."

"That I am his mate?" Severus snorted bitterly. "He asked to hear my past first. And when it was over, he disapparated at my first mention of it. Never mind the state I was in after reliving…." He jerked a hand up to cover his face. "He abandoned me, and I do not understand why."

Hermione gasped. "What? But that's just not possible, sir."

Severus glared at the impertinent woman. "I am not in the practise of falsifying my grief, Madam."

Hermione blinked. "Madam? Oh, that's not important." She sighed and crossed her arms over her chest. "Well, we've gone and put our foot in it now, but maybe it's for the best. Harry isn't exactly listening to reason at the moment, and you need to understand to help him."

"Understand _ what_?"

Ron took over. "Did he tell you what race he is, sir?"

Severus shook his head. "He did not, but…." He paused. "Phoenix tears… holy solar being… blood that heals… fire shields and holy fire. Dear _ gods_." He sank into his seat as all the pieces came into place. "A sunguard. Of _ course _ he's a ruddy sunguard. Had I not been so blinded by his unfortunate genetic connections, I would have seen it sooner. _ Damn_."

Hermione shook her head wryly. "Harry was right. It's impossible to keep secrets around you."

Severus gave a bitter snort. "Harry certainly managed it long enough."

Hermione sighed. "Because he was scared. Do you know about sunguards and their weaknesses concerning their mates?"

Severus frowned. "I know he will die if I die or reject him. Admittedly, when I researched them, I was searching for ways to defeat Riddle more than studying the race as a whole."

"Yes, well, the issue is this. Harry has a mostly human body with ten times the power that most humans can contain. He depends on his anchor, his mate, to survive, because his core is too fiery and too powerful for his body to sustain without yours to anchor him. You have the opposite kind of core—either night magic like Xeri, darkness, prophecy, ice magic, or lunar magic. We have no idea which one, but your core is at least one of the above, and incredibly powerful, or you wouldn't be Harry's mate. You wouldn't be able to balance him otherwise."

Severus nodded. "And this means for us…?"

Hermione's expression turned grim. "Without you, Harry's own core will kill him. He will burn to death in his own magic. If you die before you're bonded or turn him away, it happens immediately, if your death comes after bonding, Harry has a slight chance to pull through, but at the cost of his non-human magic and abilities. And I _ mean _ slight. Sunguards tend to lose their will to live without their core mate."

"Merlin," Severus breathed, shaken to his soul. "And I nearly…."

"Yeah," Ron agreed, expression pained. "We were terrified for you both."

Severus closed his eyes against a surge of guilt and grief and vowed to guard his own life better from then on, for Harry's sake.

"It gets worse, sir," said Hermione in a grim tone.

"Dear gods." Severus snapped his eyes back open and wrapped his arms about his waist. "Go on."

Hermione nodded. "It's not just rejection or your death that will kill him. He has one year left, sir. His core will be fully-developed in one year, on his twentieth birthday. If you two don't bond before then, his own magic will begin killing him, slowly, over the course of a year. Without you, Harry has a choice of being burned to death by his own core or suicide by basilisk venom, and when he left, Winky said he was talking to himself about breaking into the Chamber of Secrets."

Severus sank into his seat with a gasp of horror. "He… will die in two years regardless of my life? And he is… _ fuck_." 

He scribbled a note to Xerides._ 'We are going after him.' _

Severus stood and summoned a sobriety potion, a headache reliever, and his cloak. He downed the potions in quick succession and tugged his cloak on. "Where is he?"

"Godric's Hollow Cemetery, but it's not a pretty sight, sir."

"Merlin help us. Hippa!" His síoda friend appeared and wiped her face. 

"You is wanting to go to the cemetery now?"

Severus held out his hands. "Hurry." 

Hippa took one hand, but Ron hesitated before taking the other. 

"Er… is it all right, sir?"

Severus huffed. "I am choosing to touch you, and it is a matter of life and death. Now is not the time to dawdle!"

"R-right." Ron took his hand and his wife's.

Severus held their hands tightly. "Hippa, now!"

With a nod, the síoda swept them away.


	53. Ashes of Rebirth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And this is it for All to Ashes! Two watercolors in this one, a couple of my favorites! Including a snuggle between our boys (finally)!

#  **Chapter 53**

##  _ Ashes of Rebirth _

Severus landed in the middle of hell, or something much like it. The villagers stood, gawking, outside a shield of fiery red light. Inside stood a flaming man with red wings, tears sparking in fire, head thrown back and screams ringing in the eerie silence. The entire cemetery was in flames. 

Holy fuck, Harry had lost it.

"Oh, Master Harry," Hippa breathed.

Severus patted Hippa's head. "Thank you. We will save him… somehow." He turned to Ron and Hermione. "Do you know of a way to reach him?"

Hermione shook her head. "Ron and I can't get anywhere near him. You're the only one who can save him now."

"I? I cannot walk through fire."

"Maybe not normal fire, no, but remember what I said about you being the anchor for his core? Harry's magic can't hurt you. He could blast you with the killing curse, and it would bounce right off."

Severus frowned. "You are sure about…?" He paused as memories came flooding back. The last day of Albus' life, Severus had blown several of his jars to bits. He had been injured for it, too, protective wards or no. Yet, the day Harry had destroyed Severus' jars, they had all but killed poor Harry, but Severus hadn't been so much as scratched.

_ 'My magic won't work against you, Severus.' _

Severus gave the girl a curt nod, braced himself, and made his way towards the fire shield.

"Good luck, sir," Ron murmured.

"Hippa is waiting here in case anything goes wrong, Master." 

Severus thanked them and slipped into the crowd gathered around the fire bubble. Merlin, he might as well make a career of rescuing Harry, as often as he had been called to pull his arse from the fire over the years.

Even if this would be the first time he had ever had to do so _ literally_.

As he walked between people, using magic to nudge them aside without drawing their notice, mutters and whispers sounded all around him.

"Merlin, is he really a sunguard?"

"Course he is, you prat. How else would he have survived the killing curse?"

"Is he burning _ his own parents' _ graves?"

"Must be. He melted the monument earlier."

"But _ why_?"

"It must be Snape's influence."

"Merlin! You think Snape did this?"

Well, Severus supposed they were partially right. Seeing Severus' past had clearly driven Harry to extremes, not that Severus blamed him. 

What Harry had endured that day would break anyone.

_ 'I am so sorry, my Harry. I will be there soon.' _

He passed a group of aurors gathered near the shield's perimeter. They tried to get through the fire with ice wards, but it melted so fast, the auror foolish enough to test it was nearly consumed. She barely scrambled free in time.

"Damn! We can't get through, Captain Goldman. I just don't know what to do."

Goldman, a dark-haired, brown-skinned man in his late thirties or so, frowned at the flames and shook his head. "Stop. This is no use. We need to calm him down, somehow, not arrest him."

"_Not _ arrest him?" The woman who had failed to break through scoffed. "It's clear You-Know-Who drove him to the dark. Of course we have to arrest him."

Another auror, a burly young man with blond hair and brown eyes, scoffed. "Sunguards don't _ go _ dark, you nitwit. Something bad happened all right, but he's not about to become another You-Know-Who for Merlin's sake."

"How do you know that, Parker? Maybe You-Know-Who ruined him." The woman scowled. "Or Snape did."

Goldman fixed her with a hard look. "Snape was cleared of all charges, Greengrass. Watch it." He stared at the fire and shook his head. "No. I wish Snape was here, actually. I have the feeling he could get through to him. Maybe we should call him."

"Don't be a fool, Captain," said a middle-aged auror with an aura of lazy opulence and one too-used to getting their way. "Potter just needs to be taken down a peg or two."

"Fawley, that's ridiculous," Parker said with a roll of his eyes. "Potter isn't a glory hound or a spoiled brat and you know it. He… something is _ wrong_."

"Obviously," Fawley said. He made another comment about uppity young heroes or something, but Severus only shook his head at the aurors and pressed on. 

Gods. The flames certainly felt hot. Would they truly let him pass through?

He watched a fireball engulf Lily's headstone, already half melted, and his heart ached. Fuck. Xerides had been right. Harry was absolutely broken. 

Severus stared at the holy fire blazing all around Potter and prayed to Merlin Hermione's research into sunguards was as thorough and well-done as her schoolwork had been.

With a deep breath, he whispered, "Once more into the breach," and reached a shaking, tentative fingertip into the flames, then a finger, then his whole hand.

The fire didn't burn him. Oh, thank the gods.

He steadied himself and gathered his courage. "Hold on, Harry. I am coming." Holding his breath, Severus stepped into the flames. They licked at his robe and danced up his torso, but Severus only felt warm. 

No doubt about it, Harry was definitely his mate.

And Harry needed him now.

Severus picked his way over the headstones to the screaming Sunguard.

Harry shrieked, "You, you fucking monster! You have no idea—you raped him, goddamnit, and you, you traitor bitch, you married the fucker, and now, now you've murdered your only son, too. I have a choice between burning to death on my own magic or poison! Thank you, thank you for _ nothing_, you bloody _ arseholes_!"

Severus slid his arms around the boy's vibrating frame and pulled him against his body.

"Harry, Harry, ssh. I am here."

Harry went rigid. The fire nearest them vanished. "S-Severus?"

Severus sighed at the fear in Harry's voice. Merlin, what a mess.

"Ssh. It's all right now. You're safe."

Harry did not relax. "No. I'm not. Nothing is all right."

Severus turned slowly so he faced the young man. Damn. Harry's eyes were wild. Desperate. One wrong move, and Severus would lose him.

His mate. _ His. _

Fuck all if he would let Harry go now.

Severus cupped Harry's face. "I am so sorry."

Harry hyperventilated. "You know. Oh god, they told you. They roped you into this, forced you against your will to come for me. I'm just as bad as—"

"Harry, no. No one is forcing me. I _ chose _ you. Please. Please do not leave me again."

Harry gave a heartsick sob. "I'm s-sorry, love. I-I didn't want to hurt you."

"Why did you abandon me?"

Harry curled into Severus' arms and held him close. "It wasn't that. I just… I didn't want to trap you and take your choices away. I still don't. You deserve better and—"

Severus lifted Harry's face and brushed his tears away. "I choose _you_. Mate bond or no, you are the one I wish to make my future with."

Tears poured down Harry's cheeks. "W-why? How can you—my father forced you to—" He choked and gagged. "And Mum was supposed to be your friend, but she _ married _the fucker, and… and now you're forced to—" his voice broke. "Mate me or watch me burn. I trapped you, and you have never had the c-choice… I'm no better than they are."

"_Harry_!" Severus grabbed Harry's shoulders. "Never let me hear you say that again. Never gave me the choice, paugh! You have risked your life and hurt yourself, repeatedly, to respect my choices while I struggled to heal. You are _ nothing _like your parents. Nothing."

Harry rubbed his face. "I… I don't want you forced into this."

Severus laid his forehead against Harry's and caressed his face. "You have never forced me into anything. I am here because I want to be. No coercion. No bond forcing me to choose you or die. I chose you long before I knew you were my mate."

Harry shuddered and slid his hands into Severus' hair. "R-really?"

"Yes. I am where I wish to be."

Harry gave a breathless sob. "Y-yeah. Me, too, love."

Severus brought Harry into his arms. "You will not leave me again?"

"No. Merlin, it shattered me, too. Just… after seeing that, it felt… _ cruel _ to tell you about the mate bond. I just didn't want to be like _ them_."

"You are so far from those monsters, Harry…." Severus pulled him so close, he could barely breathe. "I… I have longed for a man like you my entire life. Please, do not be afraid any longer. This _ is _ what I want."

Harry wept against Severus' shoulder. "Y-yeah. So do I."

Red wings folded in around him, and Severus had never felt so warm. The idea of what the future would hold for them frightened him still, and yet, with Harry's head on his shoulder and his mate's wings wrapped around him, he felt safe, too.

"I'm sorry, love," Harry choked out through a wave of desperate tears. "I never wanted to hurt you. I'm so sorry."

Severus stroked his mate's hair. "Ssh. It's all right now. I have you. We will be all right."

"M'sorry. It just hurts. I knew they were arseholes, but _ this_? To know they raped and tortured my mate and left you to suffer alone? I… I feel sick. And scared. They're my parents. Does that mean _ I _ have the potential to…?"

Severus leaned back and gazed into Harry's eyes, golden and glowing behind pearly tears. Beautiful, and nothing like either of his parents.

"Do you know your grandmother had amber eyes and dark hair a bit like yours? You remind me of her like this, and Eliza Evans was always kind to me, even when Lily wasn't."

Harry gave him a shaky smile. "Y-yeah?"

"Yes." Severus gathered his courage and brushed a kiss across Harry's temple. The man jumped and clutched, desperately, at Severus' robe. 

"Harry, peace." Severus rubbed one hand down Harry's spine, feeling the tension bleed out of him with the touch. "You are not your parents, as I am not mine. You are your own man, and the only one I have ever held like this." Severus tucked Harry close and sighed. "Stay. Please. Stay this time, and let us build a life together free of the past. Let us leave the ashes behind us and start anew."

Harry sniffled. "Like Fawkes, kind of."

"Yes. Like a phoenix." Severus rubbed Harry's cheek. "My phoenix?"

Harry slumped into his arms. "Yes, yours. Always." His voice broke, and Harry buried a few desolate sobs in Severus' robe. "I never meant to hurt you."

Severus stroked his mate's hair and tucked Harry's head under his chin. "I know. Ssh. It's going to be all right now."

Harry wept brokenly into his chest, sobbing apologies mixed with bitter curses directed at his family, Albus, and the world. Severus held him and petted his hair, bringing Harry back from despair and soothing his own pain at once. He hid his face in his free hand when he realized Harry wasn't the only one in tears.

"Oh." Harry brushed Severus' tears away and kissed his cheek. "I'm here, love. I'll keep you safe from now on. Xeri will, too."

"Xerides is the one who helped me to realise you had not abandoned me out of a desire to leave."

"Yeah. Xeri is great for acting as the voice of reason. And no. I was just terrified of forcing you into a bond I wasn't sure you wanted."

Severus tucked Harry close and smoothed his hair. "I will not deny that I am damaged, and I will also admit that it is difficult to overcome the… trauma of my past and its relation to you, but I am willing. These past few weeks with you have been the most beautiful of my life. I have no desire to let you go simply because fate chose us for one another long ago."

He stroked Harry's cheek and tipped the man's face up to look into his eyes. "You have not pushed me, Harry. You gave me time to heal and come to accept you of my own accord, whether fate had a hand in it or not. And I am content, both with fate's decision and my own."

Tears wobbled on Harry's lashes, but he smiled. "Yeah?"

"Yes. We have much to overcome yet, Harry, and reliving my past will cause trauma for both of us, but I believe we are strong enough to make it through this together. Will you stay with me, Harry, even if it will be challenging at times? Even if I am… not ready for more than this, and it will take time to overcome my fears?"

"Yes, love. Gladly." Harry frowned. "But I only have a year…."

"I know. I will not let you burn." Severus rubbed his thumb against Harry's lips. "If it takes a year to heal me, we shall bond prior to your birthday and finish the rest of my healing afterwards. All I ask is that you are patient with my fears and give me time to recover, as you have done all this time."

Harry kissed Severus' thumb and relaxed against him. "Yeah. I swear, love. Anything you need."

Severus gave him a half smile. "Then there is no need to be afraid, pet." He cupped Harry's cheeks. "We will be all right."

Harry blinked tears down his face and nodded. "O-okay. Yeah, okay." 

Severus pressed a soft kiss to Harry's scar. "Now that this is settled, do you suppose you might put the fire out?"

Harry winced. "Bloody hell." 

Severus snorted. "Yes, literally."

Harry grimaced. "Are those aurors…?"

"Indeed."

"Damn. Well, this is going to be a ruddy pain in the arse." 

Harry waved a hand, banished the flames, and lowered the fire shield. Severus boggled at the fact that he hadn't damaged any of the other graves.

"Merlin, Harry. How did you spare…?"

Harry shuddered. "Not their fault. Didn't want to hurt them."

Severus tucked Harry's head under his chin and held him there with a gentle, trembling hand. "No. You wouldn't."

Harry relaxed against him with a shaky sigh. "Y-yeah."

The aurors rushed in, tailed by Hippa and Harry's friends.

"Harry!" Hermione grabbed him into a hug and wept on his shoulder. "You ruddy _ idiot_! Don't ever terrify us like that again!"

"I… I'm sorry. I just—"

"Well, what do you have to say for yourself then, Potter?" The spoiled auror sneered down his nose at the sunguard. "Desecrating the memorials of a war hero, burning down his grave…."

Harry met the man's stare head-on. "My father was no hero. He was a monster of the worst sort, and he hurt my partner terribly."

"Bah! Rubbish. You've gone round the twist, you have. You're under—"

"Enough." Goldman stepped forwards and ordered the other aurors back. "Hello, Mister Potter. I'm Captain Tim Goldman of the DMLE, and _ I'll _ be handling this, thank you." He directed the last statement to the spoiled auror with a glare Severus could be proud of.

Parker nodded. The other two grumbled and stepped aside.

Goldman turned back to Harry and Severus. "What happened here, gentlemen?"

Harry hesitated. "I…." He looked to his mate. "What do I do, Severus?"

Severus rubbed Harry's shoulder. "I… I hesitate to ask, but are you willing to help me tell the whole story?"

Harry gasped. "Oh, gods. A-are you sure?"

"It is past time, I think. Lupin has friends to protect him now, and it is time the world learns that pureblood bigotry and cruelty was not limited to the dark." Severus closed his eyes. "But it is… I regret that I must ask you to speak for me. I… forgive me."

Harry took Severus' hand. "It's okay. Like you said, we'll face it together."

Severus nodded and squeezed his hand.

Goldman frowned. "You are involved in this, Master Snape?"

Severus dropped his head. "It was seeing the memories of my past trauma, of what Harry's parents and godfather did to me, that caused him to react like this. The memories are gruesome, and he was distraught in the extreme after he finished reading me."

"Ah, you mean like legilimency?"

"Yes. It was, unfortunately, the only option I had to share my story with him so he is prepared for a relationship with me, but seeing the images through my eyes was far too traumatic for us both."

"Why could you not simply tell him?"

"I was bound to silence with an unbreakable vow. It was given under duress and forced, but I was not free to speak regardless."

"The old bastard really should have bound you from saying that much, too," said Ron with a shake of his head. "I mean, I'm glad he didn't, but it was a stupid mistake."

Severus huffed. "I am quite sure he assumed no one would believe me."

"And why should we?" Greengrass, the auror who had tested the shields earlier, glared at him. "Not exactly known for being an upstanding citizen, now are you?"

"He has an Order of Merlin, you idiot," Hermione snapped. "It doesn't _ get _ much more 'upstanding' than that."

"Master Severus is a good man," Hippa said with a scowl at Greengrass. "It is being Dumbledore who made him turn away from the light to start with! Dumbledore and those evil boys!"

Goldman whistled. "Well, Master Snape. Seems you have quite the story to tell."

"As I have said, I cannot divulge it without dying."

Goldman rubbed his chin. "You said the vow was given under duress?"

"Yes. Albus threatened to expel me and snap my wand if I did not agree to his terms. I was seventeen at the time, so it would have devastated my life."

"He did that anyway," Harry said with a growl.

"Yes."

Goldman nodded. "Then, if it was honestly given under duress, I can unbind it, if you know who the original binder was and we can convince them to release the vow."

Severus flinched. "He would be willing, I think, but it was Albus' phoenix. I have no idea where he is now."

"Oh!" Harry gave him a sheepish grin. "I thought I'd told you already. Fawkes!" The phoenix appeared and landed on Harry's wrist. He gave a happy chirp at the sight of Severus and hopped onto the man's shoulder.

Severus gasped. "Fawkes? You are Harry's now?"

Fawkes trilled and nuzzled Severus' cheek. 

"Oh. I missed you, too, my friend."

Harry scratched Fawkes' chest. "Fawkes, you're willing to release Severus from that vow Dumbledore forced him into, aren't you?"

Fawkes gave a fierce trill, fluffed his feathers, and bobbed his head.

"That was a 'hell yes,' if it wasn't obvious," Ron said with a snort.

Fawkes gave a laughing sort of trill and rubbed Severus' cheek.

"Then let's go unbind that vow and have a chat, gentlemen," said Goldman. "If you're ready?"

Severus laced his fingers with Harry's. "Together?"

Harry rubbed Severus' palm. "Every step of the way."

Severus nodded and walked with his mate and their friends after the aurors. Granted, it would be a long night, and their troubles were far from over, but with Harry by his side, Severus had faith that it would be all right.

And, really, that was miracle enough, for now.

¤☆¤ 

~_ End Part One~ _

¤☆¤

* * *

[Watercolour of Severus testing the fire shield.](https://www.flickr.com/photos/141843489@N07/49245662938/in/photostream)

[Watercolour of Severus rescuing Harry.](https://www.flickr.com/photos/141843489@N07/49356185021/in/photostream)


End file.
